I'm back, did not wait 6 months to update like my other story. I think I'll be able to get through this in two more chapters, but I do want to finish this. I have other stuff I want to write. Mainly a Robin (Tim Drake) vs Wonder Girl (Cassie Sandsmark) story (with other Bat/Wonder characters and more drama than comedy).
16 Hours Later
MOUNT JUSTICE
Nightwing POV
"So why are ya training me right now?" Raquel asks me, wearing her costume.
"Don't think you can rely on your powers to bail you out," I reply, wearing streetwear. "Besides, traditional combat skills tend to compliment super powers."
"Yes but why are YOU teaching me? You don't seem to be the teacher type."
"What type do you want me to be?" I ask suggestively.
"The type that answers my questions," Raquel replys, adding a punch that reached out to my heart to start the training exercise. Of course she's not faster than me and I catch her fist with my hands.
"I thought we could try and get a little bit closer." I use my leg to sweep Raquel off her feet, allowing her to fall directly into my arms.
"How close do ya want to get pretty boy?" she asks directly into my eyes.
"Recognized Superman. 01."
The two of us quickly separate and stand formally in front of the Zeta-tube.
"Nightwing you're here!" Superman notices ecstatically.
"Yeah I'm-" before I can explain to Superman that I'm busy but he grabs my solders.
"PLEASE HELP ME," the Man of Steel cries, getting on his own knees and dragging me down with him. "I NEEEEEEDDDDDD YYYYOOOOUUUUUUU-"
"I'll- I think I'm gonna let ya deal with this," Raquel tells me as she walks backwards, eyes focused on the begging Superman.
I almost ask her to stay, but the tears coming out of Superman leaves me speechless. What a way to get *#*% blocked.
"What do-" I try to ask.
"PLEASSSEEEE-" he moans.
"I need to-"
"AWWAAAAWAWAWA-"
"OKAY I'LL HELP!" I yell in the ear of the Man of Steel. His super-hearing clearly shook him as he was jittery before standing up. "What do you need?"
"Its Robin? [sniff]" he admits. Oh boy. What the %$#^ did he do? I should get away from this radioactive dumpster as fast as I can. Maybe Raquel and I can get some lunch.
"Supes... Can you ask Batman about-" I try to wiggle my way out of both his grip and this conversation.
"NO!" Superman's paranoia responded. "Bruce can NEVER find out about this! NEVER!"
"If it's that bad you should-"
"NEVER" Superman's eyes widened so far I'm surprised they hadn't fallen out of his head, he gripped my arms in a way that radiated insecurity, and shook so violently I thought an earthquake was going on.
"[SIGH] Relax I'll never tell," I assure Superman. Superman then let go of me and allowed me to create some space between us. "Now tell me what happened."
"Robin came to Metropolis-"
"I saw." I cut off the Man of Steel before he can complete his story. "He and Luthor 'saved the city.'" I mocked Luthor and Jason.
"That's only part of the problem," he quickly added. Superman looked around, facial ticks at every turn, and ultimately . "He met my girlfriend."
"Lois," I reply quickly. Superman froze up. "We all know about Lois." The League's members tend to be quite private with their relationships... and that tends to create a lot of gossip. Some is true, some is false, some... will be determined later. "What did he do?"
"[DEEP BREATH] He convinced Lois that I'm a polygamist, married to a supervillain, with illegitimate children."
"Well that- WAIT! WHAT?"
Jason did-
Who would Superman even be-
Who are the-
"I don't believe you." I tell the figure before me, whom looks at the ground depressed.
"I need your help to stitch my relationship back together. I don't know how he did it-"
"No as in I don't believe you are Superman," I tell the impostor as I reach into my belt. "Do you really think I'm going to fall for something like this?" I ask focusing on the cameras recording this joke.
"Nightwing, I wish this was a joke, but I need your help!" he begs me. Alright Jason or whoever is behind this, you want to continue playing this game lets see you plug these holes.
"Prove it!" I challenge the 'Superman' on his knees before me. "Tell me are you a polygamist, married to a-"
"NO!" No hesitation. If this situation wasn't so ridiculous then I would believe that he is genuinely insulted that I would imply this. If only.
"To all of it?" I seek confirmation.
"Of course!" he answers before thinking. This is the critical judgement, if he takes it back that means there is a hole in his story- "Well..." AHA! I've got you now Ja- "She thinks Superboy is my illegitimate child by the supervillain." Okay that is a good excuse. Superboy has more of a little brother relationship with Superman, but that's kind of Superman's fault that their relationship isn't deeper. And the public doesn't know Superboy's origin. This impostor clearly has great knowledge of our personal relationships, Jason's been on the Team for a while now, but others could be responsible for sending... this. I'll look for more clues.
"Alright then. Next proof. Why does Lois believe Robin over you?"
"I don't know." 'Superman' admitted. "She just... Something happened and she believes him more than me."
"You expect me to believe that Superman has an untrusting relationship with his girlfriend." The 'Superman' considers his options. "I've never met her, but I doubt the most trusted person in the world, would have his relationship that could be destroyed by an 11 year old." 'Superman' takes my words very personally as he is visually insulted.
"I-I-I-" The stuttering fool tried to explain this plot hole. "You have to believe me."
"Why?" I ask him. I pull out my kryptonite just to see how far this impostor is willing to go. The impostor looks shocked and feign pain as he falls to the ground. "Oh yes, please act so I can nominate you for a golden globe."
"Nightwing..." the impostor can't speak easily as he needs to feign pain. "-please... stop."
"Yeah you can complain all you want, but I don't believe you're Superman."
"Whhhhyyyyy..."
"Because you're cover story was too dumb. I'd believe that one of Batman's girlfriends would fall for something like this because of his failure in relationships, but Superman? Superman's girlfriend believes he's a super villain banging, multi-marrying, illegitimate baby having #!^% ." Aw come on. Has Jason gotten me into using my own name as an insult? "I refuse to believe that Superman has a more insecure relationship that any of Batman." The impostor was visibly hurt by my insult, probably more than what the kryptonite would do to the actual Superman.
"I'm... I'm-"
"If your relationship has this level of insecurity, what makes you think it can be fixed. If your relationship has this level of insecurity, then you deserve what Robin did to you." Why am I wasting time here? This is probably some bad prank Jason wanted to pull to try and #*#% block me again. Bruce probably ordered him to do it after what happened a few nights ago.
I walk away from the moaning body in the center of the room towards the Zeta-Tube and set coordinates for Bludhaven. The moaning body followed me. Fine Jason, I'll continue to insult this fictional Superman you created.
"You wanna know what I think," I ask the moaning impostor. "Its not going to be stitched back, its not going to grow back naturally either. Robin might have not have asked her to break it off, but Lois was right to take a knife to it."
"Recognized Nightwing. B01."
Two Minuets Earlier
Kid Flash POV
"I still have fish bites in places I shouldn't," I complain to Kaldur. A simple stakeout turned into a fight with one of the big bads of the Light, The Oceanmaster. Apparently he can talk to marine life and the fish were spying on us. THE FISH WERE SPYING ON US. The guy got the drop on us and almost sank Miami. While I went for a swim, the Oceanmaster sent the fish to eat me! I AM NOT AN EDIBLE! I guess I should be glad there wasn't a shark anywhere near. "Couldn't you talk them out of trying to eat me?"
"I only know of King Orin and Prince Orm who can command Marine life," Kaldur replys. "Its not magic its genetic, so I don't even have the potential."
"Wally why didn't you eat the fish first?" Artemis asks jokingly. "Use that super-metabolism."
"I prefer fried fish to sushi," I explain to babe. "Hard to deep fry in the ocean too."
"Actually Atlantean restaurants have a lot of deep fried food," Kaldur told us.
"Really!" Zatanna was intrigued. "I've never had Atlantean food before. Do you think you can make some?"
"Unfortunately, cooking was not one of my classes at the Conservatory of Sorcery."
"I need a shower," I declare, clawing at the fish marks under my costume.
"And a rabies shot," babe informs me. "Don't touch me before you get one."
"I don't think you can get rabies from fish," I reply giving Kaldur a look. Kaldur roles his eyes at another fish question.
"Who said it was about the fish?" Artemis mocked.
"Are you saying I'm a dog?" I ask proudly.
"You're a poodle," she fired at me.
"Guys," Zatanna told us.
"What makes me a poodle? I feel great in your lap," I ask her. Artemis smiles at my boasting.
"Kid, Artemis be quiet," Kaldur said in mission voice. I quickly hit my suit and transition to stealth mode. Artemis crouches and leans up against a wall with Zatanna. I zoom over to the other side to be with Kaldur. All four of us are looking into the mission room.
"What are we-" I ask softly before being silenced by the sight before me.
"...then you deserve what Robin did to you!" Nightwing yelled as he stood over a collapsing Superman with a kryptonite light cast over him. The Man of Steel rolled on the ground and moaned in the pain caused by kryptonite. Nightwing walked towards the Zeta-Tube as Superman crawled on the floor. "You wanna know what I think," Nightwing ask the moaning impostor. "Its not going to be stitched back on and its not going to grow back naturally."
Whats not going to grow back naturally? Is this a metaphor? Or a tree, a plant, a limb-
A limb...
Noooo...
Could he have physically-
I don't even what to think about that.
He was being metaphorical after all... Right? I look over and can tell by the looks on their faces that the others are thinking the same thing.
"Robin might have not have asked her to break it off, but Lois was right to take a knife to it."
"Recognized Nightwing. B01."
Superman gets up unbalanced and flys to the Zeta-Tube.
"Recognized Superman. 01."
"Did we hear that?" Zatanna asks, confused.
"I think we have to assume the worst," I add scared. The four of us slowly walk to mission room to contemplate what happened.
"I don't believe it," Kaldur stated confidently.
"What don't you believe?" Artemis asks. "That Robin could do... that or that he would do that?"
"Both."
"We're talking about ROBIN 2.0 right.," I remind him. "Edgy, bombastic, and morally ambiguous."
"While I agree that Robin has demonstrated a..." Kaldur stops to find his words. "...preference for the dramatic and a lack of respect for authority." By dramatic I assume he means NEAR-LETHAL! "But I think even he wouldn't... cut there... at least without reason."
"Is there a reason besides sadism someone would do... that."
"Maybe they were really mad at their boyfriend," my babe did not say as Zatanna used her magic to imitate Artemis's voice.
"How would he physically do it?" Zatanna asked in her normal voice.
"That's a weird question," real-Artemis responded. "I know why I'm interested-" That's fake-Artemis. "-why are you?"
"Because if Robin can't do it, then we know he didn't do it," Zatanna deduced.
"I'm sure Robin deserves better logic," Kaldur adds. "And on top of that, Nightwing seems to back him as well." Why does Nightwing-
"Hello Megan!" Artemis said.
"Oh yeah. Those two hate being around each other but can agree to..." I add.
"See. If Nightwing agrees with 'Batman's newest pawn.' We should trust both of them." The four of us look at each other, with all but Kaldur very concerned.
"Just incase-" babe starts to suggest.
HAPPY HARBOR BANK
Superboy POV
"Are you going to tell me to freeze?" Killer Frost asks as she shoots an ice beam at me. I easily jump out of the way.
"I'm gonna ask you to cool down," I quip... I've been training for my quips.
"Take your own advice," Killer Frost suggests as she fires more ice beams. I jump behind a car to block her shots. I can't see through her ice well, but its clear she's trying to freeze the ground bellow her so she can get high ground. Just as she's able to see me I jump to the left to avoid her gaze.
"Mind telling me why you are here," I ask Frost. I have to use my arm to block one of her ice beams. Its better for me if the ice hits my arm rather than chest because I can slam my arm against something and have the ice break. But if I can't stretch it's more problematic.
"I like the view of the bank," Killer Frost responds, rising into the sky as her column kept getting higher and higher. "Now quit ruining my day." She fires more ice beams while rising higher and higher. Now is probably a good time to end that.
I rush over to the base of the column she is standing on.
"What are you-" she tries to ask before I hit the bottom of the column, shattering part of it. She loses her balance and shoots an ice beam into the ocean. "STOP-"
"[SMASH]" I destroy the entire column, allowing it to fall into the ocean. The falling Killer Frost makes a slide that allows her to avoid directly hitting the ground. It doesn't stop her from sliding directly into a wall, but she's not dead. She struggles to get up as I walk over to arrest her.
Just as I'm a foot away, she spins around and is able to freeze everything below my neck. I'm stuck as my muscles are frozen.
"What's wrong dance partner, cold feet?" I grit my teeth at her as she reaches out grabbing my face, covering my eyes, and preparing her blast.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH-" That scream wasn't mine. Killer Frost removes her hand and I watch her grip her lower abdominal. "You brat-" A water like liquid is splashed across her face. "AHHHHHHH-" she continues screaming as she grabs her face as if to claw the water off. After clawing at it she takes drastic measures and freezes her own body, entrapping herself in a frozen block. Why did she just surrender when I was frozen in a block of ice?
"We'll that was easy," my head jerks to the right to see Robin standing next to my frozen body with a cup of Starbucks. "How do you want to get out of that?" he asked me chalantly.
"Robin!" I'm shocked both that he appeared using the ninja thing. How can I not hear him with super-hearing?
"No I'm Jason Todd," he replied.
"Who?" I ask, feeling I've heard that name before.
"Bruce Wayne's kid." Why would I know about Bruce Wayne's kid? I guess the kid must be famous in Gotham or something. "Now how do you want me to get you out of there?" Better to talk to him while not in a block of ice.
"Oh yeah, um... Do you have a flamethrower?" Robin reaches into his utility belt and pulls out a spray canister.
"[SCHHHHEEEEWWWW]" The canister turns into a mini-flamethrower, but the flames don't aim at the ice yet.
"Is this too hot?" he asks.
"Uhh, Invulnerable," I reply condesendingly.
"So was Brick," he reminded me. Robin re-aims the flamethrower at the ice around my body and it melts off within a minuet. Once I can move my right arm I'm able to flex my muscles and break out.
"Thanks!" I tell Robin. Robin points to his R-emblem.
"You've got some-" he tells me. I look down and see that part of my shirt on fire. I take my hand and crush the flame with my hand.
"Another shirt ruined," I muttered. I look back at Killer Frost's frozen body, before seeing a Starbucks in Robin's hand. "Is her weakness coffee?" I ask him, confused on what he did to her.
"What?" he took a second to look at the cup in his hand. "Oh, this wasn't coffee."
"Yeah I figured-"
"I just boiled some water and needed something to hold it in." My eyes widened at his suggestion.
"You-You threw boiling water... on her face..." That's not really a weakness.
"Yes," he casually explained, throwing the Starbucks cup into a nearby trashcan, bouncing it off a mailbox to get it in.
"Why?" I ask him.
"Why am I here?" He echoed back his interpretation. That too, but I'm interested in why he felt the need to grab boiling water rather than knockout gas, poison darts, or a Bat-knockout device from his utility belt. "I feel like I should break this news to you before Superman."
"Before Superman..." Why couldn't (doesn't want?) Superman tell me?
"He and his girlfriend broke up."
...
...
He had a girlfriend? I mean I assumed he would date somebody, but its not like I needed to know every girl he went out with.
"That's the response I expected," Robin told me. "She didn't know about you either if you were wondering." Well... I guess Clark doesn't legally have a kid, so it would be awkward to explain. "I don't understand how you don't give someone your secret identity after three years of dating."
"HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND FOR THREE YEARS!" I knew he had a job, but I thought he was Superman most of the time. What else does he do when he's not Superman?
"Yeah, like... long-term commitment. Why do you think I would tell you about a one-night-stand? No! This was a serious relationship." Yeah, I doubt he would only have come here if it wasn't serious.
"Then... " I might have had a step-mother. "I guess I feel bad for him."
"Well don't, she deserved to dump him." Robin cruelly spat. What did Superman do to piss Robin off?
"I..." Why does he seem to know so much about Superman's girlfriend. "Do-Do you know why they broke up?" I asked, curious to know more about Superman.
"He hid his secret id, parents, and son from her. How do you think that would end?"
"He hid his parents?" Why would he not want her to met Ma and Pa? Did this go poorly
"Well the entire world believes Superman's parents died on krypton."
"Yeah but surely Clark's friends know about Ma and Pa Kent."
"Ah you seem to be confused," Robin lectured. "She dated Superman, not the farm boy."
"Whats the difference?" I ask, unsure what he means.
"She dated Superman, who she didn't think had a secret identity." Robin clarified.
"Oh." Thats... "Who would want to date somebody in a spandex-suit all time?"
"Have you heard of furries?"
"I... I don't think I want to." I tremble a little bit knowing Robin's knowledge of the dark arts.
"Well, they exist." Robin thankfully kept it simple. "Anyways, after watching their relationship be spliced with a katana. I figured you'd be interested."
"You watched their relationship explode?"
"More like sliced, but yeah I was having dinner with them-" He had dinner with them! "You alright?" He asked me. Must have done something after he told me that.
"I'm fine!" I fire back. "Never, got invited to a family dinner." I mutter.
"Maybe for the best. I mean inviting a secret son to dinner." Robin has me imagine. "Would be more awkward than dinner with MM and your parents."
"I think any dinner with Luthor and Superman is awkward." Robin takes great interest in what I said.
"Why would Luthor be at this dinner?" He asked.
"Because he's my other dad," I'm forced to explain. Robin looks like he was told the Earth is flat. "Do you not know I'm a clone?" His facial expressions tell me yes.
"You're a clone... Of Luthor and Superman."
"Yeah, I'm about a year old."
"[RING]" I pullout my phone.
Megan Morse: Conner are you missing history?
Megan Morse: Class began 20 mins ago
"I gotta go soon!" I quickly say, jumping towards the school.
"%$#^!" Robin exclaimed as I flew away.
16 Minuets Later
HANGER, MOUNT JUSTICE
Artemis POV
"Recognized Robin. B13."
"GRAB HIM!" Zatanna and I rush towards him but slower than Wally who had already run three circles around Robin by the time we put out first foot down and Kaldur moved his arms to try and get us to stop.
"Hold on-" Kaldur attempted to say but Wally had already wrapped Robin's cape around his head. Despite the limited vision, Robin managed to grab Wally's neck and touch one of his batrangs to Wally's neck.
"Alright do you %$#^ers want me to peel this baby's face off!" Robin threatened, as a trail of blood colored Wally's clothes.
"MRASID!" Zatanna cast, flicking the batrang out of Robin's hand. As I rush over to restrain Robin, Wally gets up quickly to help me. The two of us each takes a side to restrain while he tries to wiggle his way out. Robin tries to kick me from his position but I'm able block him. Wally on the other hand...
"[WHAM]" he goes down with a bloody nose. Kaldur on the other hand is staring deep into his palm as he wonders how this decayed so fast. Robin is able to use his free hand to rip the cape off his face and stare at us unsure what we are doing.
"NIARTSER!" Zatanna cast, the free cape wrapped both of his hands and dragged him to the ground, arching his back. He does make eye contact with the three of us not staring into their palm.
"What the %$#^ is going on?!" Robin asked angrily.
"Don't swear," Flash- FLASH! The three of us who attacked Robin stare in horror at the Flash, Green Arrow, and Black Canary, while Kaldur looks like he's about to apologize for our conduct. "But what are you kids doing?"
"We-We... We are- Ummmm-" Wally covers us amazingly.
"We are trying to have and orgy," Robin threw out.
"That-That's what we are trying to do!" Wally backed up. I don't know what I should focus on. The fact that Wally was desperate enough for an excuse that he tried to defend that, or that Robin could trick Wally into backing that up. Meanwhile, GA was chuckling at Wally's idiocy, Flash stared at his sidekick in disappointment, Aqualad focused his disappointment on Wally, and Black Canary was altering between the two.
"Wally wanted BDSM," Robin trys to see how far he can-
"I did!" Wally quickly embarrassed himself, unable to look at anyone. I stare upon something I never thought I would witness, Wally using all of his strength to stop talking! His lips held together by teeth biting down on his lips.
This allowed GA to mouth: Do more. MORE. Get him to admit things- to the Boy Wonder. BC promptly hits him.
"And he's hogging-" Robin attempts to continue.
"Robin quit embarrassing Wally," Black Canary interrupted. "And explain what's going on."
"I came here to take Donna's lasso then they started attacking me," Robin explained. Wait why did he need Donna's lasso? The three adults seemed to have a conversation with their eyes before BC asks her next question.
"Why did you guys attack him?" The three of us stay silent while Kaldur didn't speak because he wanted one of us who attacked to explain. After a long silence, Kaldur stepped in.
"We were concerned about what he did to Superman," Kaldur explained. "These three got a bit... eccentric." Kaldur made sure that he separated himself from us, probably hoping we would be disciplined for our actions.
"You guy's shouldn't have attacked Robin," GA starts the discipline speech. "Superman totally deserved what happened to him." Wait WHAT?! Do they know what Robin did to Superman? BC and Flash seemed to be chuckling.
"Come on Ollie he- HA- he- Ha-" BC holds her breath to control her laughter. "Okay I guess if Lois agreed, then yeah he deserved it."
"You-" Wally stuttered. "You-You people actually agree with what he did." The three adults check each other's faces for assurance.
"Yeah Superman needed to be humbled," Flash added. "Robin I assume this was because of his secret." Is this a humbling attempt? What... What would they do to me? Would they-
"Partially because of his secret id," Robin explained, having undone the magic restraints. "But its more because she didn't like him having kids she didn't know about." Uhhhhhhhhhhh... Did Superman have an affair? That produced kids! Maybe he did deserve what Robin did to him. "But to be blunt this was inevitably going to happen." At this point the Wally, Zee, Kaldur, and I are processing what questions to ask.
"Robin maybe you can tell us more about what you did," Kaldur asks.
"What about how I helped castrated Superman?" Robin proudly asked. All three of the adults looked amused, while the four of us were concerned at their reaction.
"I bet it felt amazing," Oliver declared. "To watch Superman be interrogated by Lois's death stares."
"Yeah I thought she was going to take a kryptonite knife and stab him like Ceaser," Robin describes. Who is Lois? Superman's girlfriend (mistress)? "But she use a few, memorable cuts that left him mumbling on the ground, begging for mercy."
"Not the only way he can't get up," Dinah chuckled.
"Dinah don't you think your not taking the gravity of the situation seriously," Flash added. "I mean Robin took an axe to Superman's most intimate feature of his life, we should be making even better jokes." AN AXE! Isn't that excessive.
"Don't be ridiculous. I used surgical instruments to rip it out part by part," Robin sadistically declared. "Every part connected to the foundation was taken off piece by piece." We have to be missing something, I highly doubt GA of all people would agree to this. But I am never going to get this image out of my hear of Robin-
"Let me guess you kept the remains as a trophy," Flash encouraged. At this point my jaw is no longer attached to my skull.
"More like I let Lois cook it. And that's not a metaphor, its literal." How... Who would eat it? Why am I thinking about that of all things?!
"To leave a traumatizing taste in his mouth," GA said. "When I was about to break up with one girl, she burnt my cereal and had me eat it to 'Taste the Relationship.'"
"How do you burn cereal?" BC asked GA.
"Well at least she let me eat the sausage," Robin injected. "You should have seen Superman's face as I ate it in front of him, while he seemed like he was about to puke." HE DID IT. THE PSYCHO DID IT! Even Kaldur, Robin sole defender among us earlier, couldn't move his face.
"Do you have any of it left?" WHAT THE $#!% IS WITH THE LEAGUE BACKING ROBIN ON THIS?! HOW CAN THIS BE A QUESTION?!
"Nah I gave Wally the last of it," Robin reminds me of the food he gave Wally yesterday. The three of us turn to look at the trembling Wally who stared off into the distance, about to collapse at any-
"[THUMP]"
That was... I honestly don't know how I came up with this story.
Please comment!