Okay, sorry I took so long. I normally do this to destress, but I go so much stress that I couldn't write properly and had to stop for a while. But I'm back, here we go!
Honestly I want to get this done quickly so I can focus on The Superhero Conspiracy and maybe a Wonderbird or Arsenal centric story spinning out of that, or maybe one based off the last scene of this story.
160 Minuets Later
THE WATCHTOWER
Hawkgirl POV
"So you are okay with Miss Martian and Superboy living together," I ask Diana. "Two kids at peak hormones in a relationship-"
"I'm sure they won't be that bad of an influence on other kids," she protested. "Besides Donna's only going to stay there a few months."
"Would you be fine having Donna live with them permanently?" I push the question.
"She'd have Red Tornado and Zatanna with her," Diana quickly responded.
"A catholic school girl and a robot are going to explain to Donna what her intimate friends do-" Diana gives me a punch on the shoulder for my suggestion.
"I'm sure they don't do that in the open."
"Now what Dinah told me." I let Diana infer for herself.
"Surely neither of them-"
"You should give her the talk before someone else has to."
The two of us notice a door opening and put our conversation on hold, not wanting others to know about our conundrum. As a lifeless Superman came out of a meeting
"Diana. Kendra. I need your help," Superman mumbles, pale, unshaven, and disheveled.
"Well the shower is down the corner," I reply.
"Huh," Superman smells himself. "I know, just. Its." Superman tapped his finger against each other, shook his head in every direction, sweating as though something was about to come for him. "I'm having relationship issues." Diana and I stare into eachothers eyes, exchange thoughts, and know how to respond.
"So you decided to ask another woman for help because we all think alike?" Diana responds to a flustered Superman
"No! Of course not something like that. I just don't have many other people to turn to about this," Superman quickly responded.
"Why not ask Barry, Oliver, or Hal? Didn't you spend a week with the last one in space recently?" I ask.
"I can't ask the three of them," Superman stoically responded.
"Well if its not that serious-"
"I can't ask the three of them," Superman stoically responded.
"Surely if you are that desperate-" Diana attempts to respond
"I can't ask the three of them," Superman stoically yelled.
"... you could ask Batman?"
"NO!" Superman quickly blurted out. "He can never know what- Oh god Robin!" Superman looked mortified.
"Are you alright?" I finally ask after having spent several seconds watching the man of steel's face crumble into horror at the concept of Batman knowing something.
"Okay Lois knows I lied to her about Superboy," he quickly folded. "Please. PLEASE! Give me an idea on how to fix this!" In a clear display of desperation Clark now begged on the floor outside the Zeta-Tube.
"We told you so," Diana brutally reminded him. "We all told you that you would regret not treating Superboy better."
"Not-"
"Batman, Flash, Black Canary, Martian Manhunter, Zatara, Aquaman, even a Green Arrow who lost his sidekick and Red Tornado," I remind him. "And of course the two of us."
"Especially Batman," Wonder Woman exclaims. "I mean he tried to help you set up a college fund, a legal relationship with Superboy, a emotional relationship with Superboy."
"And we've also told you for years that you should be honest to Lois about your self."
"Okay I was not taking being-true-to-myself-advice from the guy who tabloids regularly consider to be a drunk but would rather spend his nights bleeding in alley," Superman countered.
"There's a difference between what people write of me and who I am you know," Batman defended- THE NINJA THING. Batman was listening to our conversation without any of us knowing. Superman seemed particularly shocked as his face was frozen, staring at the Dark Knight with a jaw hanging, unable to even mumble a response. Batman had the first word.
"So Lois FINALLY learned about Superboy. About time." Superman attempted to simply turn around without ever responding to him, but the World's Greatest Detective was one step a head of him. "Superman have a seat."
The Man of Steel attempted to continue walking away but the Dark knights call compelled him to stay still. "Please I brought this chair now sit on it." Superman complied sitting on the Bat-logo chair the was for some reason next to Batman. In a room where we don't typically have chairs. Did he have it in his utility belt?
"Let me be clear," Batman makes sure he and Superman are looking into each others eyes. "I told you so." The first part of clearly a speech Bruce knew he would have to give. "I told you to parent Superboy you didn't listen. I told you to tell Lois your secret identity, you wouldn't listen. Now the two have collided in a spectacle worthy of being called a disaster."
"𝒪𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽." Music started playing through.
"And I told you this was going to happen." Batman talked over the music playing.
"𝐼𝓉 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒻𝑒𝑒𝓁 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊"
"Is that Beyonce?" I ask.
"Yet for some reason you had the arrogance to try and advise me on my relationship with Dick."
"𝓑𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓿𝓮 𝓲𝓽" Is that Bruce? Singing with Beyonce.
"Batman and Beyonce produced a song?" Diana asked stunned at this side of Bruce we only see pop up only occasionally.
"While you were hiding your secret family from your girlfriend you had the guts to tell me that I needed to be more honest." Superman vibrates his lip in an attempt to respond. "Like you were in a position to tell me about honesty."
"𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝓊𝓇𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓃𝑜𝓌"
"𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴 𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾"
"Now I understand why you wanted to help Dick, you were trying for excuses you were going to give Lois." Batman gloats. Superman can only sit still and hold up a finger.
"𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝕯𝖊𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖛𝖊 𝖍𝖊𝖗 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊"
"And after you had tried to deny your own son's existence you question my parenting."
"𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖉𝖔𝖓'𝖙 𝕯𝖊𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖛𝖊 𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊"
Superman quickly flew off, heading for the Zeta-Tube and inputting coordinates faster than the Flash.
"Recognized 01. Superman."
"So you paid Beyonce to make a song with you?" Diana asked.
"We made an album"
"Well at least one reporter hates it so prepare for a bad review in the Daily Planet," I chuckle.
"I own the Daily Planet," Batman responds. "He's going to have to put up with it for a while."
"What do you mean?" Diana asked.
"I own a few satellites," Batman walked to the Zeta-Tube himself.
"How long have you had that album?"
"Since the Amazo incident." Sound about right. Long enough after we met Superboy to realize Superman wasn't going to help him for some time and for us to realize he's not going to tell Lois his secret identity maybe ever.
"Where are you-"
"I know what I have to do Diana. I have two kids. The only way to make them learn is through punishment."
Batman exits via the zeta tube.
"Wait did he Zeta in here without the computer going off?" I ask.
MOUNT JUSTICE
Green Arrow POV
"Ughhahhh," Wally moan finally waking up. "Hamburgers." Yeah he's definitely waking up. Artemis looks down in disgrace on her awakening boyfriend.
"So what caused you guys to attack me again?" Robin asked. The Boy Wonder and the other Adults and I briefly took Robin to Seattle to ask him about what happened. Mainly out of deference to Clark. We got hungry and grabbed some burgers before coming back the cave to talk with the other sidekicks about what they know about the situation. Gotta say, Robin made a good choice on the burgers, less of one on how to ask them what they know about Superman-Lois-NonExistiantWives questions.
"Of course we/they, I wasn't/the-" Aqualad, Zatanna, and Artemis mumble through an explanation of what they did and didn't think. Meanwhile Wally was still somewhat out of it.
"Hey Wally do you want to eat some Dicks," Robin calls out from across the room. Artemis and Zatanna freeze up while Kaldur stares skeptically. Wally though. His eyes and body shot up and looked towards us.
"Wha what are are you asking?" Wally stuttered.
"UMMM. Just. Robin got this great Dicks, recommended the burger version," I follow up munching on the burger.
"[UGHHHHHHHH]" Wally vomits immediately.
"So you guys actually think I cut off Superman's #!^%!" Robin exclaimed, mixing emotions of insult and pride, disgust and amazement, dismissal and ownership.
"Yes, you psychotic child!" Wally screamed in fear.
"Why?!" Robin asked more confused than offended.
A Few Weeks Ago
SUPERVILLAIN BASE
Aqualad Flashback
"[Slash]" The sound of the cut shocked the room. The arm would only be connected to it's former owner by the trail of blood on the floor.
"WHHHOOOOO" "DUDE" "[Gargle sounds]" "I can't believe I just saw that"
"What?" Robin innocently asked. The room's vomit and horrified squeals hide a stare down between an unfazed Robin and a shocked Kid Flash and myself.
"You are not going to act like you just didn't do that?" Kid Flash asked.
"Saved your#$$. And of course not. I'm going to gloat about it later," Robin proudly stated with a splash of blood covering the left hand of his face.
"Robin you cut off his arm!" I sternly state in a tone that reminds me of... of Aquaman when I did something wrong. The only difference here is that I am absolutely sure what the child did was wrong.
"So," he shrugged off. "Its not like that matters." Kid and I are the only people looking at the bloody mess created by the severed limb and the 11 year-old who caused it. I need time to collect my thoughts internally while-
"But it- I can't- Didn't- Why would- Shouldn't-" Kid Flash's broken down thoughts show his old habit of a mouth faster than a brain. I pull him off to the side to discuss, the two of us being the most experienced members on this team, we should figure out what to do with the new Robin. "Batman lets him cut off people's limbs." Its the first thing out of Kid's mouth when I turn him around to talk to me.
"Kid I highly doubt Batman knows about this," I quickly respond, trying to keep the conversation rational.
"Batman knows everything," Kid replied, with an emphasis on every word.
"Kid while I agree Batman can be very knowledgeable." Particularly about things I don't even say out loud. "Batman is not aware of what is going on right now in this very moment, and if he did I doubt he would approve."
"Batman might not know now, but he will and you don't think Robin knows that," Kid starts to make sense in a subject that isn't physics. "Do you think somebody like him would do something like that, without confidence that Batman wouldn't approve?" If Batman approves...
"So should we punish him?" I ask Kid.
"You're leader." Kid responds. "You punish him."
"Perhaps we should tell Batman?" I offer a middle ground between making this my responsibility or someone else.
"AHHHHHHH-" the same scream from earlier repeats itself. The team that was horrified by the scream once more turns to look at ANOTHER severed limb. Based on the floor painted in blood, he tried to escape before Robin tossed an axe to sever his leg, adding the gusher of blood against the floor.
"Did you really think I'd let you escape?" the much younger child intimidated the helpless supervillain before him, encasing him a shadow of darkness that sucked the light out of him. I attempt to disarm the force field that keeps him and his prey separated from us, but for now we can merely watch. "Move any further and I will cut off your #!^%."
Present
MOUNT JUSTICE
Artemis POV
The one adult in the room unaware of what had transpired, as always Green Arrow, didn't even blink as Kaldur recalled what happened. That's the reputation Robin has garnered in the time we've known him
"Guy could regrow limbs?" Green Arrow asked the messed up brat, seemingly justifying what he did while he did it.
"Guy could regrow limbs," Robin confirms. The adults shift their focus from the boy wonder to us, indicating who they thought were more in the wrong.
"Why are you guys giving him a pass on this!?" I finally snap. Batman and Red Tornado gave him a pass, probably because the two of them are still trying to understand proper etiquette for treating people even if they are their enemies, but why is Flash, Green Arrow, and Black Canary okay with this?
"Well its covered in the Justice League Code of Ethics," Black Canary explains.
"There's a part of the JLCE that condones cutting off the limbs of individuals that can regrow them?" Kaldur, Zatanna, and I ask.
"There's a Code of Ethics?" Kid asks.
"Yes dumb#$$," Robin states, answering one of our questions. "The Justice League compiled a code of ethics after they were asked to sacrifice a plane full of civilians or a boat full of criminals. They created it by judging hypothetical situations where they could be forced to do harm and the Justice League Code of Ethics hold an exception for seemingly permanent damage, if it is not actually permanent when inflicted on a living being." Okay he answered both.
"Was that really what the Justice League was thinking about when they articulated that statement?" Aqualad asked, not us, but to Flash and Black Canary who in turn were looking at Green Arrow.
"Okay fine I convinced the League I should be able to shoot people in the appendix," Green Arrow revealed. "It's not an important organ, but it can seem lethal. Honestly seems like the same thing, guy would have grown back limbs." Does Green Arrow seriously compare where we choose to shoot, with what that sociopath allegedly did?
"Can I just say!" The boy terror spoke up. "What I'm hearing is that you all think Superman has a healing super powered #!^%" Robin replied. Of course that where his mind goes. Just why...
Should I speak up? After staring at Zatanna and Wally to see if they were about to speak a three-way game of hot potato trying to get the other to speak, while Kaldur didn't even send a face signal.
"You do realize Supe's doesn't have accelerated-healing," Flash speaks up. "Right?" An inability for us to respond is in it of itself a response.
"Well..." Aqualad claimed control of the conversation for once. "It has less to do with Superman than you, Robin. Its not like you have a great history of... How do I even explain this?"
A Week Ago
BIO-SHIP, ABOVE SUPER-VILLAIN BASE
Aqualad POV
"M'gann is down there!" Superboy reminded me. Loudly. "You can't just expect me to sit here!"
"I expect you to not be beaten in a fight," I reply. "We are simply outmatched. There are too many of them and too few of us."
"So we are just supposed to sit here and wait for them to get away!"
"I expect us to sit here, tail the supervillains, and wait for backup." Superboy backs down, but not before hurting the bio-ship. "Artemis what's the status of reinforcements?"
"Captain Atom, Green Arrow, Martian Manhunter, Hawkgirl, and Green Lantern are 20 minutes out," Artemis says. "Maybe longer."
"Longer?!" Superboy rages. "Do they have something better to do?"
"Black Atom and Wotan." The four of us realize that we will probably have to be here a long time.
"If it takes more than 10 minuets lets blow up the building," Robin suggests, toying with equipment he took off one of the supervillains earlier.
"With M'gann in it?" Superboy asks, unsure if he wanted to hear Robin confirm. Though perhaps we could have Robin use the famous Bat Family ninja skills to get her out then collapse the structure on the others. It wouldn't take them all out, but it could level the playing field.
"They'll take her far away if we don't stop them here."
"I agree," I said. "With the sentiment, we need to stop them from leaving."
"So blow up the building."
"M"GANN IS IN THERE!" Conner yelled.
"They have her trapped in an impenetrable, closed restraining cube. She will be fine."
"Not if you drop a BUILDING on her!" Artemis exclaims.
"So the unbreakable cell is breakable if a building drops on it." Robin mocks. The three of us come to see his logic with Artemis and Superboy feeling particularly shocked that they didn't think of them.
"So, we use the cell they are using to contain M'gann to protect her during our attack."
"Here," he gives a vest to Superboy. "I modified the power source I took from the fight in the forest and set it to explode with a discharge. It will take out the entire building."
"So you want me to jump out, drop the bomb and jump up," Superboy understood.
"No I want to blow it up with you down there."
"Alright, I've-"
"No, seriously." We all pay closer attention. "They've teleported away from us before, they have long-range attackers, and could easily detain you anyways, again. Just have the bomb explode when you hit the ground."
"Are- Do you actually believe that's a good idea?" Artemis asks Robin.
"What? He's invulnerable too." Robin violently pats Superboy to prove a point. "Just go Kamikaze it."
"Just because I'm invulnerable doesn't mean I like getting blown up or having a building dropped on me," Superboy shot at the Boy Wonder, completely shocked by what he heard.
"I mean I saw Superman put up with a building on him so shouldn't you be able to." He's serious about trying to get Superboy to do this. He wouldn't us the "mentor could do it" line if he wasn't. In front of him the bio-ship opened an exit hatch right between the four of us as Conner stared down the edge. "List this is probably going to hurt, but don't focus on that, focus on your girlfriend, and jump to reach out to her."
"Superboy do not listen, we can just throw it down," I issue.
"They're in the basement, we need more mass to break through the ground floor in a single projectile. Superboy's the only one of us with the strength to break the floor."
"Then break the concrete then attack," Artemis adds. Robin continues to use hand signals to tell Superboy to jump.
"They will teleport away again the moment they get spooked, probably with M'gann hostage before their own. We have literally one shot. Jump!"
"NO!"
"Do not focus on the revealing spandex worn by those two, focus on your girlfriend."
"What is it with you and my costume?"
"Hypothermia," Robin replied. "Conner your girlfriend is down there, go be with her." Robin whispered loudly in his ear.
"This is not the best way to deal with the problem." I try to retake control of the situation.
"Its the only solution to deal with the problem."
"Superboy focus on me."
"Do not focus on your homoerotic fantasy in wet spandex. Focus on your girlfriend." Artemis and I can't muster a reply to the suggestion. Why does he critique our costumes like this? Not just mine and Artemis's but Superboy's, Zatanna's, Green Arrow's, Wonder Woman- Eh... Maybe that one...
"I'm going to do it." Superboy states, staring down the exit, straight at his target. How long was I silently focused on Robin. "Just give me one second." Superboy responded trying to suppress the obvious pain he was about to feel.
"One," Robin counts before sweeping his legs causing a forward tumble out of the bio-ship to the ground bellow as Artemis and I watch. To Superboy's credit he didn't scream as he fell into what would be certainly great pain. Able to balance himself in the air, he heads straight first to the ground, re positioning his fist to break the ground floor falling into-
"BOOM" A PILLAR OF FIRE IS COMING INTO THE BIO-SHIP.
Artemis, Robin, and I take a step back as part of the explosion blasted the bio-ship itself causing us to shake. I personally was affected by the heat.
"Huh," Robin himself seems to have been caught off guard by the strength of the explosion that Superboy was just at the center of. "Expected it to be stronger."
"I mean he was invulnerable," Robin defended himself. "And to be clear I would, if I did cut off part of a kryptonian I would make sure they could grow it back."
"IF YOU DID!" Wally yells, oh yeah... he still thinks...
"We agreed that he didn't do that," Kaldur and Flash explained.
"So I didn't-"
"No!" Everyone answered for him, hoping he wouldn't freak out and faint again.
"Then why did he say he castrated Superman?"
"Because of me Superman's girlfriend now believes he's a polygamist with illegitimate children," Robin- WHAT THE #%^&! The four of us stare unconvinced.
"Yeah that happened." Three of the four adults respond.
One Reading of this Fanfiction later
"I'm going to be blunt I would have been fine if you told me what you told Lois then castrated Superman," I say, making sure I can watch Wally's unresponsive face as I said it. Even Robin enjoys my tormenting of Baywatch.
"So to my understanding-" Robin gains our attention "-you want me to make Wally pay for adultery?" He pulls a glowing green that's a kryptonite knife. "Hypothetically of course."
"Whoooo-"
"Why do you have that?"
"Did you already plan this out?"
"Where do you even-"
Taken aback and asking with so many questions being flung, I not sure which question was mine and which was someone else. Robin stretches out his hands, holds fingers as though he was conducting music, the let his arm drop, silencing us all as it fell.
"Batman has me keep one on missions with the team in case Superboy goes rogue," he casually explains. "He and Nightwing probably keep one on themselves as well." Well... Yeah 'preparation' probably runs in the family. "I'm honestly surprised you guys didn't know about this."
"I still don't know how you guys fit all your equipment in you're utility belts," Zatanna.
"Please don't tell me thats a metaphor for Nightwing's-" Zatanna's blush answers the question before he can finish asking. "Well considering you guys thought I cut off Superman's #!^%, I'm surprised you don't think I have kryptonite tools."
"Well, we didn't exactly think of the method when we thought you pulled off you're most psychotic action yet!" I fight back against his condensation.
"I'm still confused on why you thought I would try to FEED IT TO SOMEONE!" Robin emphasized the goriest part. "Though I guess Wally would eat anything."
"NO I WOULDN'T," Wally sprung to his own defense.
"Haven't seen any evidence to contrary," Black Canary joined Robin.
"And I have seen evidence to back Robin up," so does Green Arrow.
"Its definitely true," Flash taunts his sidekick. "He tried to eat the peal of a Banana"
"Hey I thought it was like an egg shell!" Wally responded.
"Honestly I agree with Robin," Aqualad asks. Kid Flash looks on with betrayal. "I can understand the mutilation given his... history, but cannibalism seems too far."
"He once asked if he can turn Garth into sushi," Zatanna revealed. Aqualad looked visibly unconformable for a seconds before returning to focus.
"Is it any more insane than the other stuff he's done," Kid Flash simultaneously stated.
"One, I was joking," Robin explained. "Two, everything I have done was necessary. I add some dramatic flair to throw fear into the hearts of my enemies, but I wouldn't actually do EVERYTHING I threaten."
"[RING]"
What was that alarm? All of us look up at the computer.
"Recognized Robin. B13."
All of us turn around to see that he ninjad his way to the Zeta-Tube.
"What? I only came here because I have to use the Lasso of Truth on Superman," he shrugged off the stares we gave him for doing that ninja thing.
160 Minutes Later
LOIS LANE'S APARTMENT
Superman POV
"Lois I promise to tell you the truth!" I beg for forgiveness outside her apartment. Luckily for me she owns an entire floor and her above and bellow neighbors both evacuated during the so called Maxima Crisis.
"[Swoosh]" SHE OPENED THE DOOR.
"Leave or I am calling the police!" Lois tells me.
"Wait-" I try to say.
"Allow me to intervene," The two of us turn around to see Robin, who has thrown some rope at me.
"Robin," we both say simultaneously.
"Yes it is I the great boy wonder, come to finish this story," Robin declares. "Okay so to speed things along, Lois need proof you weren't lied to for anything Superman says." She nods. "Well I have brought you the lasso of truth." Thats what this rope is.
"So I can ask him anything and he has to answer the truth," Lois asks.
"Yes." I simply let them go along with Robin's plan. Whats the worse that the truth could unleash.
"Alright then first question," Lois holds the Lasso of Truth, towering over me as I beg on my knees. "Where does Superboy live?"
"At the cave," I am compelled to answer.
"The cave?" she responds perplexed by my answer.
"Its a spare base for the Justice League that doubles as an operational HQ for them, storage facility for dangerous items, and living space for young superhumans," Robin quickly intervened. Answering her demand with enough info to prevent her from asking for more information that could be sensitive. Did Batman teach him such strict information control, because I don't remember Dick being as good?
"Is that true?" she asks me.
"Yes," my simple response should suffice.
"Does he live there with anyone related to him?"
"No." Will she now ask me about why I left him without family? Will she-
"Well he lives with his girlfriend," Robin adds. I stare at him begging him not to add more chaos.
"He lives with..." Lois asks him to finish.
"His girlfriend." My chalant inside contrasts with Robin's nonchalant acceptance of a boy and girl living together at hormonal age. Robin himself reads our facial expressions. "Yeah they %$#^ in the home they live together in, at least according to Batman they had some weird Black Canary cosplay thing that was recorded on the League's cameras, and that it was really awkward." Robin doesn't flinch at the intimate details he just told his friend's dad and a woman he has met twice. In a story that BC, the GLs, Flash, and GA will all demand to hear more about. Without touching the Lasso of Truth.
"I- A- Who-," Lois stutters words between thoughts, clearly speculating about the intimacy about what Robin revealed. Robin signals her with his eyes to look at me, shifting responsibility for this situation. It takes a while but eventually she speaks to me. "How old is his girlfriend?"
"49," I spill. Lois is taken back by my response.
"Then Superboy is older than 18..." she asks in attempt to make sense.
"No."
"He's seventeen," her jaw was partially hanging as she asked.
"No."
"He's sixteen!" she places great emphasis on the age.
"No."
"HE'S LESS THAN FIFTEEN!" Lois broke. Clearly she thinks I am someone who approves, if not sold, my child going into an underage marriage. I need to make this clear and tell her no.
"Yes." LASSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo.
"And his girlfriend is 49?!"
"Yes," I surrender to the truth, and hope I'll get out of this.
"And you saw no problems with this!?"
"Not really."
"Get out." Lois points to the window.
"Wa-"
"Robin stab him and take him away." The Boy Wonder is actually surprised by the request.
"I'm just here because I misunderstood his marital status," Robin replied. "Can you do that first?" Rolling her eyes Lois redirects her gaze towards me.
"Are you married?" she asks.
"NO!" I joyously say, as now I finally have a chance to correct this problem. Lois herself appeared to reconsider some of her actions.
"Is Superboy your son?" she wishes to check.
"I mean, he looks up, and he does, while being, sort of, very much biologically, and not very impressive-"
"Are you seriously unable to just say yes!" Robin angrily intervened
"Yes." I am forced to respond, though they may think its to the wrong question.
"GET OUT!" Lois yelled.
16 Minutes Later
GREEN ARROW WEAPONS STASH, STAR CITY
Artemis POV
"I'll come through the Zeta Tube in a second," I tell GA. "I just need to swap out my arrows."
"Alright I'll go on ahead," GA responds.
"Recognized Green Arrow. 08."
People wonder how I keep track of everything in my quiver, well first I have to organize everything into a locked in a numbered slot so that my arrows don't move around. I have a safeguard where each of the arrow has some brail on the end to explain what everything is in case something happens. Its a time consuming process, but preparation is important.
"Recognized Green Arrow. 08."
"GA why are you here?" I ask him.
"We are not going to Mount Justice." He states walking out of the Zeta Tube and the armory too. "What does Bats teach him?" he muttered on the way out.
Being curious as to what he saw. The video footage pulls up an empty training room. Did he enter from somewhere else?
"I'm going to make it clear your mine tonight," I hear Donna state with legs straddling his sides and his arms being held by her overwhelming strength. And one of her hands on his belt.
"Hey I'm sorry-"
"Sorry won't do it. You came into my room and left it in tatters. And the time before that you didn't help clean up after all that fun."
"Hey I had class the next day and you didn't." Some scuffle with their hands break out.
"[CRASH]" I think I just saw his batarang go into the camera.
"Oh don't worry noone is gonna watch what we are about to do. I'm not into that either."
So he and Donna were reminiscing about that time they had fun... in her room... while holding a condom. If he didn't tell me he was 11 I'd be wondering what Batman is teaching him.
Then again he did tell me that Bruce Wayne is Batman. So it possible he lied about his age as well.
Five Minutes Earlier.
MOUNT JUSTICE
Robin POV
"Recognized Superman. 01."
"Recognized Robin. B13"
"Well. She no longer thinks you are a polygamist!" I say to the still silent Superman. "So no longer my problem."
"What-" he responds. "This is your fault."
"So its my fault YOUR girlfriend didn't know anything about your personal life. Anything about your kid, and proceeded to believe every negative thing put out about you after having come to the revelation that she had been lied to FOR YEARS."
"I-Uh"
"And now she doesn't want to be with you because you let your kid get into pedophilia relations." I start opening up the computer.
"I don't let him. He loves her so I'm okay with that," he stutter out
"That doesn't sound like a good reason for pedophilia."
"Well can you explain to me how I fix this," Superman yells at me.
"Are you seriously asking relationship advice from an 11 year old." I say to a Superman who shows his confidence has been shattered. "And someone whose only relationship advice that for all you know has been taught from the Batman." Superman fall to his knees at the discovery of how far he has fallen. "[Sigh] Well the key problem here appears to be that she thinks you are a deadbeat dad. You just have to convince her that you are and adequate parent." With that he stands up, reinvigorated. "Well good luck!"
"What-" I shove him into the Zeta-Tube.
"Recognized Superman. 01"
Well now that the Man of Cold-Steel Relationships is gone, I should return the Lasso and-
"Hyyyyaaaa." A battle cry from behind tackles me against the wall, grabbing both of my wrists. My initial attempt to break free fails as the grips on my wrists doesn't even shake my attacker. Female battle cry, super-strength, and high level martial arts. Its Troia angry about the Lasso.
"If you wanted this you needed to ask first," Troia whispers in my ear moving my hands together so she can easily hold me down with one hand, grabbing the lasso attached to my utility belt while she was at it. "Here I'll give it to you." She ties my hands in the lasso, freeing her up to toss me into the center of the training area. My armor screeches so loudly that even Troia has to hold her ears, prodding her to pulls the lasso stopping me in place. Going one step further she closes the distance. Her lasso holding hand pressing against my armor and her legs on both sides of my own. With my upper and lower bodies immobilized, I'll have to talk my way out of this. Before I can speak she uses her free hand to grab my utility belt. "I'll be taking this off."
"Hey can we do this somewhere else," I ask. "What if somebody walks in on us?"
"Well you should have thought about that before you went into my room and left with my accessories."
"Hey I didn't have much time, so I took the initiative."
Troia pulls at my belt but has difficulty releasing it. I could try getting her to open on of the compartments and electrocute her, but that would delay the conversation about why I took her lasso and I'm going to get this done with.
"Troia-" Frustrated by her past efforts to grab my belt she lets go and digs her hand into my lefts, grabbing my belt and pants. Now she violently shakes them down my legs. "Hey don't be so rough!" I scream back.
"If I remember correctly," she talks back. "I thought you hated safety precautions and liked rough play."
"There's a difference between that and hating safety in general you know." As Troia's form slipped I was able to wiggle around, making it slightly more difficult for her to guide my belt off of me. I should try and get her leg off balance so I can push her off me.
Is that Green Arrow? In the Zeta-Tube Green Arrow stands doing nothing. He must have come in when my armor screeched against the floor.
Help me. I mouth towards the adult. He scuttles around his equipment before finding a pocket and tossing something towards my feet. I use all my strength to push Donna off balance allowing me to kick it from my feet to my side without Donna noticing the... the... the wrong angle. I'm looking at this wrong. Because Green Arrow wouldn't give-
"Recognized Green Arrow. 08."
Why did he give me a condom? Is this supposed to be a metaphor ? Did he really have to make it trademark green?
"Don't think you're getting out of this that easily!" Donna yells as she gets back to holding me down. Did she not hear the Zeta computer? "I'm going to make it clear your mine tonight."
"Hey I'm sorry-"
"Sorry won't do it. You came into my room and left it in tatters." Okay I did hastily go through her stuff and may have knocked over a few things. Thats on me. "And the time before that you didn't help clean up after all that fun." Is she referring to that time we fought Kiteman? She caused all the damage.
"Hey I had class the next day and you didn't." I summon one of the batarangs held in my gloves to try and use to loosen my restraints. Unfortunately she grabbed it and tossed it behind towards one of the cameras in the room. She doesn't throw it in an arc but kind of just brute forces it in the direction of the camera.
"Oh don't worry no one is gonna watch what we are about to do. I'm not into that either." I'm probably gonna get hurt from this.
Please Comment! So glad I got back to writing. Though I did kind of rush this.