Disclaimer: I have been shamelessly listening to Phil Collins' "Against all odds" a lot lately.
"Legal ramifications aside, I can absolutely talk to the kid, Mike, but I do think that you are the only one who will be able to get the truth out of him. He trusts you. And if he's lying to you already, he will do the same to me. Remember, I get paid to tell whether or not somebody is lying, not to figure out the truth."
Mike glared up at Lenny, trying to keep his temper under control as the strange twist of this case began to unfold. His bad gut feeling about Andre's connection to their murder suspect and the legal implications of indicting an underage suspect with nothing but a call from a stoolie to back it up were racing around in his mind, as he tried to sort through the many scenarios that could have led to the current outcome.
"What about…oh, I don't know…you could pretend to be a social worker…"
"Let's face it Mike, you're in a bind with that kid.", Lenny retorted unaffected, "You already established that he's lying and by him doing so, he may already know that you're onto him. I honestly don't think you're going to get much more out of him until you have some evidence to maybe trip him up with. In the meantime, you might as well get the legal tsunami started and a social worker in here, because you don't want that kid back out on the road with the knowledge he just gained from spending time with you and Steve."
Nodding in silent defeat, Mike pursed his lips, before facing the Psychiatrist again, ready to get this conversation over with.
"What were you coming down here for anyways? You said you wanted to see me."
Fidgeting uncomfortably, Lenny sighed and sat down on the corner of the long table, his brown eyes scanning the Lieutenant intently.
"I have to talk to you about Steve. There are some things you need to be aware of."
Feeling the ache in his heart return immediately, Mike swallowed hard before approaching the seemingly nervous Psychiatrist.
"You got him to open up, didn't you? What was it? Women troubles?"
"I am afraid not.", Lenny said unusually quiet and rested his hands in his lap, "Your partner is suffering from what we refer to as severe post-traumatic stress. It can be brought on by a variety of reasons. I suspect in his case, the repeated engagement in suspect shootouts and on-the-job kills may have possibly started it, but if nothing else, definitely contributed to the problem. His ehm…his mood swings, irritability and lack of focus are all text-book symptoms of severe psychological distress brought on by PTSD."
"He said he's been having some trouble shooting a gun lately and I already told him that we all go through this from time to time. It'll get better.", Mike noted matter-of-factly, not liking where Lenny was going with his explanation, "But what does that have to do with what's been going on with him over the past few weeks? This isn't something new. He's told me about that for a couple of years now."
"The fact that this has been going on for so long is directly to blame for what's happening now. He's bottled these emotions up for so long trying to keep things under control, but something about this case triggered him, and these issues are boiling to the surface now. He's barely sleeping, Mike. His anxiety is through the roof. He has flashbacks and freezes in place even when he only talks about using his gun…I've witnessed it myself. He's as close to a mental breakdown as I have seen in quite a while."
"Don't give me all this psycho mumbo jumbo…", Mike grunted, his own anxiety starting to get the better of him as the conversation continued on, "He's stressed, I get that. It's been a few bad months here for us. But hopefully after this case is over with, things will begin to slow down. I have a request into Olsen and Condon to add manpower to my department. That should ease the case load significantly."
"You're not listening, Mike.", Lenny urged impatiently, his voice raised in agitation, "Your jobs are…they're mentally and emotionally challenging. They require you to shoot and kill other human beings if your life is at risk. You handle death on a daily basis. You get assaulted, see fellow officers killed right in front of you, witness unspeakable acts of vile human behavior…it's not something you just shrug off at the end of the day, no matter how strongminded you think you are. And right now, this is physically and psychologically destroying your partner."
"So what is it? You want me to sign him up for shrink therapy?"
Mike felt his voice beginning to tremble, as his sixth sense gave way to where this discussion was headed.
Some dark thoughts hidden in the depth of his soul knew all along that the day would come when he'd have that talk with Lenny. Ever since he saw that look in Steve's eyes when he had to shoot a suspect, his legendary marksmanship ensuring a kill on the first round, he knew that time was precious and that eventually, the burden of death would be too much to bear for the young man whose deep sense of caring and morality were the pillars he recruited him upon in the first place.
And while part of Mike's stubbornness was ready to continue the quarrel with Lenny for pride's sake, his heart began to ache at the thought of what the Psychiatrist would suggest next. Slowly but surely, the Lieutenant's emotions were beginning to spiral out of control, wondering what the young Inspector had decided to do in order to escape from the pain his best friend had bestowed upon him on his ambitious journey to mentor him into the best cop there was in San Francisco.
"It won't help much, Mike, not this far into his problems. This has been going on for too long. Therapy won't make those triggers and anxiety attacks go away. There's really only one solution to help him. Both of you, actually."
Lenny's voice was quiet, almost as if the Psychiatrist was struggling with the situation himself. Releasing a deep shuddered breath, Mike turned away from him, his eyes focused on the innate shape of downtown San Francisco surrounding them. As he felt his fingers get sticky with the cold sweat running through him, he carefully rubbed them off on his tie and light blue vest, before swallowing hard.
"That was no dentist appointment, was it?"
Respectfully staying back as Mike's voice broke under the emotional turmoil unleashed upon him in the midst of a challenging case, Lenny grunted faintly, before the room fell silent for a while. As both men remained motionless in their position, it was Mike's forced breaths that gave insight to the trouble he was having handling the news.
"Berkeley is offering him a hell of a package to take on the Associate Professor position. He'll make more money in his first year than most of the guys here. You should see all the benefits, it's incredible. They really want him bad. It would allow Steve to use his law enforcement background, help young people become successful and it would get him off the streets before he gets worse. He's struggling to make that call because he doesn't want to let you down."
"Berkeley again, eh?"
Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes at the thought of letting go of the closest friend he ever had. His troubled mind, as if enjoying the agony of despair, began to play back their most memorable moments since their partnership began just over four short years ago.
The laughs they'd shared, the silent comradery, even the occasional tears. Those curious green eyes staring back at him the first time he pulled him in for an interview. The same eyes that learned to read his antics like nobody else ever had, the warm soul that embraced his occasional ill-tempered outbursts and deflected them with a cheeky grin, the quiet and caring shadow to his left that had jumped into the crosshairs of danger more than once to save his life.
And the anger at his own stalling; for ignoring the changes when those caring eyes grew distant and full of anguish over time, for foolishly hoping that things would improve on their own if only he waited long enough. The subtleness with which Steve had begun to cut the unspoken ties that bound them together in times of trouble. The wall of emotional distance that the young Inspector had built brick by brick, case by case, until it became too high for Mike to overcome.
"I am telling you this because…because he's not going to make it through another round of staff psych evaluations in this condition. And November is coming up fast. No matter what we do to try and counteract his symptoms now, it won't reverse any of the damage and I am going to be forced to flush him out. I don't have a choice, Mike. But you've got six months to play with yet. It gives you time to prepare. Both of you. He's not planning on making any hasty decisions, but he knows that time's running out. As your staff Psychiatrist, if Steve had told me during a session what he did last night, I'd be forced to recommended desk duty only and put him on supportive medication as well as therapy sessions. But as his friend and yours…I am going to pretend that it didn't happen for the time being. Because quite honestly, I cannot bear to punish somebody for caring too much in this line of work, especially somebody like Stephen who's put his heart and soul into this job. And I won't tarnish his police record over it either. He's your partner; I know he's in good hands. But it's time for you to let him go and choose a career that won't destroy him like this one currently is."
Dropping his head to his chest and shielding his eyes with his free hand, Mike released an involuntary sob, as his chest began to cramp from the overwhelming pain in his heart.
The sheer thought of ending his partnership with the brilliant young man he envisioned would become Chief one day, was tearing his soul apart. Although he should have known that something this special never lasted forever, his heart was aching at the thought of riding the streets in his city without that bright soul behind the steering wheel next to him. Their friendly banter, the silly puns and even those deep, eye-opening conversations all of a sudden turned into black and white memories of an era that was coming to an end long before it ever really got started.
He sat there silently crying for many long minutes, before mustering the strength to speak up again.
"He's my best friend, Lenny…I can't just let him go."
Mike heard the psychiatrist get off the table and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, as the tears began to flow freely, his sobs becoming louder, releasing some of the pain that was tearing him apart inside.
"You don't have a choice.", Lenny replied like a solemn mantra and calmingly rubbed his upper back, "The way I see it, you need to let go of your partner to save your best friend, or you'll run the risk of losing him. I am sorry Mike, but I would…I would absolutely hate to think what happens the next time he hesitates to pull that trigger. This might be his last chance to avoid the inevitable…"