It will rain soon, so you may get soaked in water..." - Hiruzen
Eiji looked briefly at Hiruzen before returning his gaze towards the grave: "I don't really hate rain...anyway if you came here to cheer me up, you don't have to worry. I think I can keep my emotions in check enough to not do something braindead."
"Hmm, in truth I didn't come here to cheer you up. I just wanted to tell you something Hayate told me not so long ago when he nominated you for the chunin exams." - he paused there recalling that memory.
After a while, he formed a smile and continued: "He told me that the thing he was most proud of you isn't your kenjutsu talents or your efficiency in your training, but that you are just a good guy."
"Good guy?" - Eiji looked at him puzzled.
Sure Eiji wasn't evil or anything, but he never considered himself to be good.
In his eyes, he was just neutral.
When Hiruzen saw Eiji's unconvinced gaze, he started to laugh heartily: "HAHAHA...I also asked him what he meant by that, so Hayate explained: You aren't someone who tries to change the world or achieve world peace or anything like that. You are just looking out for yourself and your loved ones and if they are safe that's enough for you to be happy. You see, the ones who try to change the world for the better, are often the most troublemakers. How many people have to die before you can achieve your peace? After you achieved your goal, how can you be sure that you aren't a villain in the eyes of someone else, who will try to bring justice to you? That's why it was his wish, that you would continue to be a good guy."
"PFFF HAHAHA...did you go senile or something old man? Well, Hayate-sensei said sometimes cheesy things like that..."
Eiji continued to laugh, while Hiruzen watched him with a fatherly smile.
After Eiji's laughter continued to subside, Hiruzen walked towards the lunch-boxes and started to eat.
"Your mother's cooking is really great...especially the way she prepared the rice..."
"Actually it's not my mother's, it's Tenten's. But yeah, she really did improve greatly...I still remember how I almost died when she first started to cook. I had to skip classes, so she couldn't force me to eat that abomination."
"HAHAHA...it looked like you had a great time at the academy. Can you tell me more funny stuff from your time at the academy?"
Somehow Hiruzen's cheerful vibe unknowingly affected Eiji, so he started to talk and the hours flew by.
At some point, Konohamaru came here looking for Hiruzen and scolding him that he waited for hours.
"Sorry, looks like I have to leave already. I made my dear grandson waiting."
Hiruzen waved while starting to leave with Konohamaru.
'Didn't come to cheer me up to my ass!... Well, it kinda worked though, I certainly feel better...'
Eiji watched them leaving: Konohamaru was telling Hiruzen something energetically while pulling on his sleeve, while Hiruzen laughed heartily.
'But you and Hayate-sensei are wrong about one thing...I was actually an ass, not a good guy. I tried to save Hayate-sensei while ignoring others thinking how they are supposed to die and how I shouldn't change things too much. I guess I unconsciously still thought of people as characters instead of as actually living humans with real feelings. If I have future knowledge and the possibility of saving people, don't I have at least the responsibility of at least trying to save as many as I can?'
Seeing how Konohamaru and Hiruzen walked away happily, Eiji started to realize that he would miss Hiruzen if he died.
He now had a new goal: save the old man!
Anko was currently devouring a huge amount of Dango at Konoha's Dango shop.
Finally, her role at the Chunin exams were over and she could relax.
For her, the time at the exams felt way longer than they actually were.
So much stuff happened there: she ran into Orochimaru and fought him, some Konoha shinobis were found dead, but most importantly she always unlucky ran into the same annoying kid!
When she remembered this boy, Anko's face turned sour and she started to devour the Dango at a faster pace.
The humiliation she experienced because of him, was unthinkable.
'At least I don't have to see his annoying face again! And in the future when I somehow end up on the same mission with him, I will just change the mission!!'
Feeling better after cheering herself up, she ordered happily more Dango.
'Haaa, what a bliss...Dango and nothing to worry about...'
She closed her eyes out of satisfaction from eating to the fullest, she was currently as happy as she could be.
"Jo, what's up, Anko? What a coincidence meeting you here, you remember that you promised me that you would return me a favor?"
"..."
So you want me to teach you the Summoning Jutsu for snakes? I thought you would want me to do somethings dodgy considering your personality..." - Anko
"Do you really think I would force a woman to do such things? Anyway, how about it. Will you do it?" - Eiji
"So you want to learn a jutsu...is it for revenge?"
"No...to protect..."
"Hoo...how boring. I thought you would want to avenge your sen-"
"Don't get me wrong. If I have the chance I will absolutely avenge him. But I'm not one of those retards, who will neglect everything else for their revenge, while other people important to me die in the process."
"Hmm, well whatever. In my opinion, I can teach you far better jutsus than this, so why do you want to learn the summoning jutsu specifically?"
"So I can have an endless supply of snake meat on my journeys."
"Alright, I see you don't want to tell me. Well, I don't really care and it isn't too complicated, so teaching it won't take too much time. Wait outside while I pay off and I'll start teaching you it."
"Right now?"
"You have a problem with that? To be honest I want to get over with it as fast as possible."
"Aren't you a bit too cold to me, after all, we went through together? Even after our night together, where you saw my d-"
The fist hit him faster than he could finish his sentence, and he flew right through the wall.
Anko smiled towards the shopkeeper: "Sorry for that, this should be enough to pay for the damage and my orders, right?"
"Hmm, you learned to use the respective signs with only one hand pretty fast. I'm actually really impressed kid. Anyway, let's make you form a contract now."
Anko used a bunch of signs and then stopped when tattoos appeared on her arm.
Then the tattoos retracted and transformed into a snake, which suddenly jumped at Eiji's right arm and bit him.
Eiji didn't expect that, and shouted perplexed." Wait what are you - ARGHH!!!"
The pain didn't last long and tattoos started to appear on his right arm.
"You just have to sign on this spot here with your blood and it's done." - she pointed at the spot of his tattoo, where there was a vacant space.
"Geez, tell me next time in advance, when you do something like that..." - he drew his sword and lightly cut his finger with the blade, so blood flowed out and he signed with his name.
"So that's it. Now you just have to use the jutsu to summon something. But do that somewhere in the woods, in case you somehow summon Manda or Garaga. Then it's only you who gets eaten and not some innocent village folks."
"Wait, you won't stay for my first summoning attempt?"
"Honestly, in the off chance that you summon one of those two, I don't want to deal with them. Anyway, I fulfilled my promise, so good luck, and see ya! I hope to never meet you again!"
With that, she just disappeared like that.
'She is really cold towards me, right? Anyway, what she said makes sense. I should go somewhere without people.'
In the Konoha woods, Jiraiya was overseeing Naruto's poor attempts at mastering the Summoning Jutsu.
At least Naruto was now able to summon a tadpole, which is some progress in his opinion.
"AARGH! JUST DIE, WILL YOU?! YOU TALENTLESS DIMWIT!!" - Jiraiya
Hey! Take a closer look!! He's got back legs, see?!" - Naruto
"WHO CARES IF HE HAS LE...hmm? What's that?" - Jiraiya saw something big destroying all kinds of trees and wildlife while rushing towards their direction, so he squinted his eyes to focus.
It was a big red snake, with only one eye!
'A snake here? Don't tell me...no this isn't Manda, so this can't be Orochmaru's doing...'
After observing for a bit longer, he could see that this snake was chasing someone: a delinquent with a sword ran away from it while yelling something at the snake.
The delinquent seemed to notice Jiraiya and Naruto and picked up his pace to run straight towards them.
"WHAT IS THIS LOUD NOISE!!! I CAN'T CONCENTRATE LIKE THAT!!!" - Naruto stopped his training to lock towards the origin of this loud noise, while nearby women who bathed in the stream panicked and ran away.
"Naruto, listen. This snake is dangerous and we need to save this delinquent..." - Jiraiya
Naruto could now also see the person being chased: "Hm? Oh, that's just Eiji. Just let him be. It's better to not get involved with him, or he drags you into dumb situations. So it's better if I just continue with my training..."
'Eiji? Who's that?' - Jiraiya
WHATTHE HELL IS THIS??!! THE INSTANT THIS GUY WAS SUMMONEDHESTARTED TO ATTACK ME WITHOUT A WORD!!'
"HEY, YOU BASTARD!!WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" - Eiji
The giant red snake remained silent andcontinued to chase him.
"CANT YOU TALK OR WHAT?? AREN'T YOUSUMMONING-ANIMALS SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO SPEAK? OR DID YOU FALL ON YOUR HEAD AS AN INFANT?!"
"AAARGH!!! SHUT UP, YOU DAMN HUMAN!! YOU WILL REGRET SUMMONING ME!! I WILL COMPLETELY DEVOUR YOU!!"
"SO YOU CAN TALK? THEN TELL ME WHAT THE HELL YOUR PROBLEM IS??"
"MY PROBLEM IS YOU, TREACHEROUS HUMANS!!!"
Because Eiji died in his former life, when Boruto was just at the beginning, he didn't know that Garaga was betrayed by his former human master, which resulted in him losing his eye.
Since then, he hated humans to the limit and was always so pissed, that he was even a bother to the other snakes in Ryuchi Cave.
Anyway, Eiji didn't know that and just tried to stall for time until enough time passes, which would result in Garaga's return to Ryuichi Cave.
Of course, he could try to fight him, but he didn't want to risk pissing the snakes of by killing or injuring one of them.
If he knew that the other snakes actually hated Garaga and would even be happy if he died,who knows what face he would make right now.
"TREACHEROUS MY ASS!!!WHO THE HELL PISSED IN YOUR BREAKFAST, THAT YOU RAGE LIKE THAT?!"
"BASTARD!! STOP RUNNING AND LET ME EAT YOU!!"
'This guy isn't listening at all...hmm?'
While running, Eiji saw Naruto and Jiraiya.
'Great, if Jiraiya is here, he can help get this freak under control, so I won't have to run around stalling for time!'
"You are saying to not get involved with him, but he is running towards us, you know?" - Jiraiya
Naruto made an unhappy face: "But I really don't want to get involved with him right now, or else I lose precious training time..."
"AHAHAHA, SEE??? ALL OF YOU HUMANS ARE TRAITORS!!! YOU LURED ME TOWARDS THEM SO I CAN EAT THEM WHILE YOU ESCAPE!"
"YOU PARANOID FUCKER!!! I RAN TO THEM FORHELP!!"
'This brat has some bad tongue, but looks like I'll have to take action...' - Jiraiya used some hand signs and then started to breathe a huge fire wall towards Garaga.
"Wow that's an amazing move Pervy Sage!" -Naruto
'NOOO!! When I meant help, I wanted him torestrain this shitty snake. Shit, if this kills the snake, I won't be able to set a foot into RyuchiCave!' - he jumped in front of Garaga to black Jiraiya's fire jutsu.
"!" - Garaga
"What is he doing?"- Jiraiya
"Ah man, this will grill me if I don't do anything...Konoha Wind-Spirit Style: Autumn Gale!" - wind starting to rotate around his body, dispersing the flames.
This was the only one of the 4 Wind-Spirit Style techniques, which didn't involve any kind of kenjutsu.
Instead, it was purely a wind ninjutsu - it didn't look remarkable, but because of the rotation movement of the wind around his body, it had some decent defensive capabilities.
Of course, it couldn't block strong and even certain medium level attacks, but the advantage of it was, that it would last for some time.
It was like a wind armor, which would block throwing weapons on its own, as long as it's active.
Even though wind is weak against fire, the wind just redirected the fire away from Eiji's body, so he wasn't hit.
Garaga watched with a bewildered expression: why did this boy jump in to defend him?
He wasn't sure how to react, so he just decidedto keep watching.
"BOY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? DIDN'T YOU WANT HELP?? GET AWAY FROM HERE, IT'S DANGEROUS!!" - Jiraiya shouted towards Eiji.
"JO, WHEN I SAID HELP I DIDN'T MEAN TO KILL HIM, JUST RESTRAIN HIM!! I SUMMONED THIS GUY, SO IT WOULD BE BAD IF HE DIES!!"
'Summoned him? Who is he? How did he learn to summon snakes? I should investigate this, in case Orochimaru is behind this...'
Meanwhile, Garaga watched this exchange, he made his mind up.
He realized that he would be no match for Jiraiya and decided to leave: "CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY BASTARD!! NEXT TIME I WILL DEVOUR YOU!!"
"WAIT!!!" - Eiji rushed towards Garaga, while smoke started appearing around him, indicating that he is about to return.
Eiji disappeared with Garaga, leaving Naruto and Jiraiya behind.
"What the hell was that? And why is he suddenly naked?" - Jiraiya
"Yeah, he somehow often ends up being naked. That's why I said he is trouble..." - Naruto
It turned out that even though Autumn Gale saved his body from being touched by the flames, his clothes ended up being completelyburned.
Hm? So this is Ryuchi Cave?' - Eiji was looking at his surroundings.
When he returned with Garaga as a stowaway, Garaga didn't notice him and instantly rushed off somewhere deeper into the cave and started to rampage, like he always does when he is pissed.
Unfortunately, he is most of the time pissed.
But this time he was more pissed than usual!
First of all, he was summoned by a human - he hates humans to the core!
Secondly, he retreated when he sensed the amount of chakra Jiraiya had!
Anyway, since he rushed instantly off, Garaga's aggression problems weren't something Eiji needed to concern himself with right now.
Honestly, Eiji was surprised that his spontaneous idea succeeded and that he would get with this kind of method to Ryuchy Cave.
However, the downside of this 'transportation' method was, that he had no idea where he currently was and where he needed to go.
'Hmm, let's try to look for snakes which are a bit more chill...maybe they can show me the way to the White Snake Sage...'
"Tsk, this Garaga is loud again. But not only that, he even brought someone with him." - The White Snake Sage was resting on her throne, with her giant snake body while smoking out of a giant pipe.
When she finished her sentence, three women who were dressed in long robes appeared seemingly out of thin air.
Despite their human appearances, they were in truth snakes as well.
One of them asked the sage: "Brought someone with him? How dare he! Master, can we please get rid of Garaga already? He is nothing but trouble!"
"Just let him do how he pleases for now. The part of the cave he resides and rampages isn't of any concern to me. More importantly, deal with the human he brought with him. Even though he was brought here and didn't wander into Ryuchi Cave on his own, do your duty: if he fails the trails, you can eat him!"
"Yes, Master White Snake Sage!"
Eiji walked and walked but the cave was just too huge!
And because he was naked, he started to freeze!
'I hope I don't catch a cold...would be bad to fight Gaara with a cold...wait who cares about a cold, when I might starve to death in this shitty cave!'
While he was absentminded, he suddenly saw some lights in the distance.
'Looks like this is the right direction...'
He got motivated again and walked towards it at a faster pace.
When he got nearer, he saw the source of the lights.
It was a grand palace.
"..."
'Do they think I'm stupid? This looks suspicious as hell!! Well, I don't really have any other option than to go there...'
Suddenly the entrance opened and a woman in a long white robe with a tiara on her head walked out and bowed towards him: "Welcome to Ryuchi Cave. You must be tired, so why don't you go re-"
...
'WHY IS HE NAKED??!! Even though it's said that everyone who comes to Ryuchi Cave is crazy for power and gives everything up...but giving even your clothes up?' - Tagorihime decided to just ignore it and continued with a smile.
"(Fake cough), you must be tired, so why don't you go rest in here? We have prepared a banquet for you and we can give you some clothes as well."
Eiji wasn't blessed enough in this life, to be born into a body with a decent brain, so he was sometimes slow and forgetful.
But because he not only had this life's experiences but also his former life's, he could most of the time make up for being born stupid with his added life experiences!
He hadn't that much experience that you could consider him wise, but over the years he came up with 3 golden life rules.
The first one was: If you end up in an awkward spot, just show so much confidence that no one questions you!
Confidence, even when faked, is a powerful tool.
For example, you can just walk straight into a hotel and eat at the morning buffet. As long as you look confident, no one will question you and you get a free meal.
Anyway, Eiji was using his first rule and walked confidently while being completely naked, like it's the most natural and logical thing for him to be naked right now.
Tagorihime opened the door for him and guided him to a couch and a table: "Here you can rest and eat, dear guest. Also -" she napped her fingers and clothes appeared out of thin air on the table in front of him. " - you must be feeling cold, so why don't you - " "-NO!"
She was confused and asked with a smile: "Excuse me? Is there a problem?"
"Yes, there is! I came into this shitty cave to hunt snakes. You see, snake leather is one of the most trendy things right now in our village..."
'ARGHHH THIS SHITTY BRAT!!! HOW CAN HE DISRESPECT US SNAKES HERE??!!... Calm down. I just need to keep going with the trial and when he fails I'll eat him.'
Meanwhile, Eiji was in Ryuchi Cave, in Konoha there was a really angry Temari waiting for someone.
'WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?! DIDN'T HE WRITE TO MET HIM HERE TODAY?! WHERE THE HELL IS HE?!'
During the preliminaries, Eiji secretly gave her a letter which said, that he had some important information concerning the Kazekage, but he could tell her only in secret. Then he wrote the time and location.
Originally he planned to trade the information that the Kazekage will be or was already killed and that if she wants more information, she should help him save Hayate first.
Unexpectedly Hayate died before that, so he had no reason anymore to meet up with her and possibly change the future for no reason.
But the more important reason was, that he actually just completely forgot.
Dear guest, these dishes were specially prepared for you, why don't you at least try some?" - Tagorihime said that with a respectful smile.
'Fishy...this is way too fishy. Why would there be such an extravagant place in this huge gloomy cave? And where would they even get all those dishes from...let's try to get more information out of her...'
"I'm telling you, I won't eat trash food! Who is even the cook?" - Eiji
"You don't need to be concerned, dear guest. Our food is of the best quality and our cook's abilities are top-grade."
"But how can snakes even cook something, when they got no hands?"
Tagorihime's smile was suddenly replaced by a creepy snake face: "Tsk, I see that this won't go anywhere..."
'WHAT THE HELL!! She really freaked me out there...' - Eiji didn't show anything on his face, except his usual grumpy and bored expression, meanwhile, the whole palace and dishes started to disappear slowly, as Tagorihime stopped the genjutsu.
The palace was just rocks in the cave-like Eiji had seen before, while the food turned out to be some disgusting substance.
"This is supposed to be top-grade? Well, considering how dumb you are dressed, I'm not surprised that you think that way..."
"ARRRGHHH!!!! YOU DISRESPECTFUL BRAT, I WILL EAT YOU EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T FAIL THE TRIAL!!!" - she started to get ready to attack him, but a voice stopped her: "NOOO CALM DOWN!!! IF YOU EAT HIM, MASTER WHITE SNAKE SAGE WILL GET MAD AT YOU!!!"
When Tagorihime heard that, she stopped and breathed in to calm down: "You are right, thank you."
She then just disappeared without saying any words to Eiji.
'Was this some sort of test? What was she even testing? Even a creepy man who asks children if they want candy from his white van, would appear more trustworthy than that...hmm?' - Eiji noticed that even though everything else wasn't real, the clothes she got him were still there and unchanged.
Tagorihime really was bothered by him being naked, so she gave him real clothes, despite wanting to eat him later.
'Don't they have something more modern?... On the other hand, though, I will look like a real samurai...' - he put the kimono and sandals on.
After that, he looked at his surroundings and understood that staying here any longer wouldn't make any sense, so he decided to walk further into the cave.
While walking, he sometimes saw the silhouette of a girl moving around, presumably to guide him somewhere.
He had no other options, so he decided to get along with it.
At some point, while he followed her, he ended up in a small cave room.
Suddenly a huge boulder appeared, trapping Eiji there.
Then the girl he chased appeared in front of him.
She wore white robes with a tiara on her head as well.
"My name is Ichikishimahime. Hey, why don't you play with me?"
"Play with you?" - Eiji was sure that this would be some kind of test again.
"You see those colorful stones on the ground behind you? The right ones fit into the spaces in the boulder behind you. If all the spaces are filled, you win and are free. By the way, using force to try to open it won't work. Killing me also won't work. The only way is to fill the spaces in that boulder."
"So, how do I lose?"
"You can attempt as many times as you like until you can't continue. And if you finally lost all hope and give up, I will eat you. In truth, I don't like fresh chakra. I prefer it to be weak and about to disappear, so that I can drink it." - while she said the last part about drinking, her face was replaced by s creepy snake face.
' This creepy bitch...those snakes are really confident and smug, pisses me off. It's time for that...'
"Ehm, since I have much time anyway, can I ask something?" - Eiji
"What is it?"
"Since you, snakes have the ability to take the appearances of humans, why do you choose to be so ugly?"
Eiji's golden life rule number 2: when someone is smug and thinks they have the psychological advantage over you, just insult them!
They won't care about having the psychological advantage anymore, though they might do other things like hitting you...
"You! Don't think I'm as easily provoked as Tagorihime!"
"Tagorime? Who's that?"
"..." - she decided it was just better to ignore him at this point, or else she really might get provoked.
"Hey, can I ask you something? Hey, why are you ignoring me? Are you deaf? Come on it's really important! Well, whatever. I wanted to ask you if there is a toilet here, but looks like I have no other choice..."
"Wait, what are you trying to-" - she stopped ignoring him but it was already too late.
He started to pee at a wall: "Ahhh, finally...I held it in for way too long..."
"ARGHH!!! JUST GO AWAY!!! I LOST MY APPETITE ANYWAY!!!" - she stopped the genjutsu.
Eiji saw that he was still in the large cave part he was before.
Ichikishimahime was sitting on a boulder looking at him angrily.
"Did I win your game? I have to admit, it was pretty fun actually..." - Eiji
"You...sniff..." - she just disappeared with that.
'Wait, is she crying now? Well, who cares, it's a creepy snake anyway...' - he shrugged his shoulders and went on.
He didn't walk for long when suddenly another snake woman in a white robe jumped at him and bit into his neck.
'Shit, I didn't even feel her presence...' - before he could do something to her, she already jumped away from him.
With his grand grabbing at his hurting neck and the other being near his sword, he stared angrily at her.
"My name is Tagitsuhime. You are quite something, passing the trials of the other two. Next will be my turn...I shall test your heart. Of course, if you can't endure it, I'm allowed to eat you." - with those words she vanished.
The pain in his neck intensified and his vision became clouded.
He waited.
He continued to wait.
But nothing happened.
His vision became clear again and he was in front of what looked like a temple.
An angry Tagitsuhime pointed a finger at him and shouted: "WHAT DID YOU DO?! THE SUBSTANCE I INJECTED IN YOU, SHOULD LET YOU FACE YOUR INNERMOST DOUBTS AND CONFUSIONS!!! WHY DID NOTHING HAPPEN??!!"
Eiji thought for a second and then replied: "You see, I'm the type of guy who is always running away from all of his problems."
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT SO PROUDLY?!"
Eiji's golden life rule number 3: if you are a failure, be a proud failure!!
Those ultra-long snake names nearly killed me...by the way this meme is really brutal lol