Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen nor its characters, nor do I own any characters from other Disney works. Disney owns everything - including my heart, soul, and wallet.
Disclaimer 2: I realized I did not give enough warning before the last chapter (it was hidden in the previous chapter's A/N). This one is still heavy. Not so much as the last, but if you're prone to crying over sad commercials, maybe read this somewhere comfortable.
Chapter 13 - Truth
"Now, little duck. Remember that Elsa is probably going to be very tired," Iduna said as they rode the elevator up to the sixth floor of the hospital. "She may not want to play and will likely need to rest often."
"Yes, Mama," Anna said, but despite her mother's warnings, she could hardly contain herself. Anna didn't get much sleep last night due to her excitement and had woken her mother up at the crack of dawn, demanding that they needed to get to the hospital the moment visiting hours began. She hadn't seen Elsa in almost two weeks. It was the longest they'd ever been separated in their six years of life.
The last time they were together, they had been sleeping in Elsa's bed when Elsa woke up clutching her stomach. She had been having tummy aches all day, but this had been different; it was scary. Anna had thrown open the door and started shouting for all the adults in the house. Agnarr had reached them first. Anna had never been more scared than when she watched Elsa's dad scoop her up and run downstairs. Mama Jules followed quickly behind him and Anna was left in the care of Gerda for the rest of the night.
It turned out that Elsa had appendicitis and required emergency surgery. Anna was supposed to visit her the next day, but Elsa got a bad infection and they quarantined her in a clean room for safety. Last night, Elsa was finally released from that room and moved into the general children's ward. Now she and Anna could finally be reunited. Anna squeezed the stuffie in her arms. She was so excited to present it to Elsa. Anna was certain her best friend was going to love it.
When they entered Elsa's private room, the small girl was curled up on her side in a ball with her back to the door. Jules looked up from her book and smiled at them, but put a finger to her lips. She marked her place and set the book aside before walking toward them. Jules and Iduna gave each other a hug before the blonde woman picked up Anna by her underarms and held her tight, then settled the tiny, strawberry-blonde on her hip.
"Oh, how I've missed you, Little Duck," Jules whispered. The smile on her face was gentle and her eyes shined with affection. "How are you? Are you being a good girl at school?"
"The goodest, Mama Jules" Anna said quietly, understanding that Elsa must be asleep. "But it's not the same without Elsie."
"I can imagine," Jules said and she placed a kiss on Anna's nose, making the little one giggle. "And what have you got here?"
Anna held out the stuffed toy. "It's Olaf!"
"Did you pick it out yourself?" Jules asked with a smile. Anna nodded enthusiastically. "Elsa is going to love it."
"Finding a snowman was not an easy task, but Anna wouldn't settle for nothing less," Iduna said, giving her best friend an exasperated look. Jules laughed lightly at that.
"Well, our sweet Anna is a determined little duck," Jules said fondly. At that moment, Anna yawned widely and then blinked several times, rubbing one eye with her small fist. "Are you tired, darling?"
Anna shook her head vigorously, but her mother sighed. "She wouldn't sleep last night. The anticipation kept her up."
"Well then. It seems a nap is in order," Jules said. Iduna removed Anna's shoes and gently pulled back the covers from Elsa. Jules then slipped Anna in next to her, the little ginger snuggling up to her best friend as her exhaustion caught up with her. Anna handed the stuffed toy to her godmother, who in turn slipped it under Elsa's arm and then tucked the blanket around both little girls. Jules and Iduna each placed little kisses on both girls' heads. "Rest now, little duck."
"I'm not leaving."
"Anna, it's past visiting hours," Iduna said.
"I don't care. I'm staying," Anna stated adamantly.
"Baby, please don't be like this right now."
Agnarr came in and grabbed his coat from the small couch. He took in Anna sitting determinedly in the chair next to Elsa's hospital bed, clutching tightly to the sick girl's hand, and then looked at Iduna with questioning eyes. All she could do was shake her head, and Agnarr looked back at Anna. "I promise she's going to be fine, Anna. She's out of the woods for tonight," Agnarr said gently. "We can come back first thing in the morning. I'll wake you up and take you with me."
"I can't go," Anna said with the quietest whisper. They just didn't understand. She'd just learned that her best friend… no, her sister, had been suffering and Anna had been absent. Of course, Elsa had made sure she didn't know, but she still felt guilty. The heaviness of regret and shame weighed like lead on the end of a thin line, pulling her deeper into the depths of despair. "She hates hospitals. I don't want her to wake up alone. I won't leave her."
The parents shared another look and Agnarr nodded before heading back out of the room, pulling on his coat. Iduna walked over to Anna and squatted in front of her daughter. She took Anna's free hand and waited for the young teen to meet her own gaze. Iduna saw complete devastation, tears threatening to spill over.
"Why, mom?"
"Why is this happening or why didn't Elsa tell you?" She waited, but Anna didn't answer her question. Everything just felt like too much. "I think you already know the answer to both questions."
"I've cleared it with the nurses," Agnarr said as he walked back in with a pillow and blanket. He set them on the couch where his coat had been minutes ago. "If it's okay with you, dear, Anna can stay."
Iduna looked back at Anna and stood up. She placed a kiss on her head. "We'll be back in the morning."
Sterile. It smells sterile, Elsa thought as she began to wake. With much effort, she managed to open her eyes and saw the unmistakable white hospital walls in the dim light of the room; a room so clean despite how tainted her genes made her inside. Elsa turned her head and grinned when she saw a familiar snowman stuffie sitting on the side table to her right. She tried to sit up when a hand settled on her shoulder.
"You should really stay still. There's a lot of wires and tubes and… stuff."
Elsa froze at the voice. The voice that carried a melody that usually comforted her now sent a chill of remorse down her spine. Anna knew now. Hiding was no longer an option. She looked to her other side and found Anna sitting in a chair next to her, looking tired and worried. Elsa tried to speak, but her voice came out raspy and she realized her throat was very sore.
"Hold on. I'll get you some water," Anna said and she got up. Elsa watched her walk to the table at the foot of the hospital bed and pour some water into a dull pink, plastic cup with a straw. She brought it over to Elsa who lifted her head and allowed Anna to carefully put the straw in her mouth. The cool water soothed her sore, dry throat and she sighed in relief.
"Thank you," Elsa said, voice still very rough despite the water. She cleared her throat and winced at the pain.
"They had to intubate you," Anna said, looking away. The pain at the memory of seeing Elsa with tubes running down her throat gripped her heart in a vice again. Her voice cracked as she continued to explain. "You couldn't breathe on your own."
Elsa nodded, starting to remember what had happened. She had just fallen asleep when she was awoken by a blaring alarm and the terrifying realization that she could hardly move or breathe as her body started failing her. "What time is it?"
"About four in the morning. We got you here just after midnight. Our parents said they'd be back once visiting hours resume."
"How are you here?" Elsa asked after a beat. Anna finally looked back to her, deep teal eyes meeting bright blue ones. Elsa could see the shining, unshed tears even in the low light of the room. Anna's large eyes were always so expressive; like open books ready to share their wealth of knowledge. Tonight they told a story of tragedy. A long, tortured tale of fear and loss that Elsa knew all too well.
"I refused to leave. I just… I couldn't leave you alone."
Silence fell between them, the only sounds coming from Elsa's heart monitor and the quiet, distant chatter of the night shift nurses. This scene was familiar to both girls, like a movie they've watched on repeat a dozen times over. Elsa was constantly in and out of the hospital when they were children, she always seemed to get sick while Anna's immune system was virtually unstoppable. They could almost mark the different years of their childhood with the hours Anna spent at Elsa's bedside.
"What do you know?" Elsa asked, finally breaking the long silence.
"Your dad told me it's the same thing Mama Jules had, but that it's the…" Anna steeled herself. A gulp. A calming breath. "...the worse version."
Elsa nodded. "Endocryogenic lysophilia A. Mama had the B version. The one with a longer on-set of the symptoms. That's why it didn't start until she was nearly thirty."
"He also told me that you've been going to some sort of therapy for it. That it helps you to feel better," Anna said defeatedly. She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly. "And here I thought you were seeing a shrink… I should have seen the signs… I'm so stupid."
"Don't," Elsa said, instinctively reaching for Anna's hand. The red-head moved to allow her to take it. "Never call yourself stupid; you are anything but. And I did everything I could to make sure you wouldn't find out. I knew what you thought my therapy was and I let you believe it."
"But it does make you feel better?" Anna said hopefully. "The treatment is helping?"
It was Elsa's turn to look away. This was what she wanted to avoid. When her mother began getting worse, Anna worried so much. She became a different person - quiet, lethargic, subdued. The sunshine from her person was dimmed. Everything that made her Anna was sapped from her due to fear. When Elsa found out that her fate was the same, all she wanted to do was spare Anna that pain again.
"It does help me feel better. It makes it so I can function normally, but…"
"But?" Anna asked, her voice hardly above a whisper as she felt her stomach drop. The tightness in the back of her throat due to holding back her tears increased as she waited for Elsa to finish the sentence. The blonde met her gaze again.
"It treats the symptoms, Anna, but it won't cure the disease," Elsa whispered. "One day, it won't be enough."
They got quiet again; a loaded sort of quiet. A quiet that screamed with agony and heartbreak. Anna shook her head slightly, not wanting to think about what Elsa had just said. She has to get better. I'll do whatever I need to do to make sure she gets better, Anna thought. There was one question that was still eating away at her though.
"When did you learn that you had it?"
Elsa hesitated. She knew Anna would want to know this. Elsa could probably guess what her next questions after this one would be. She considered for a moment, but the time for half lies and shut doors was long passed. Elsa failed to keep this from Anna. There was no way she could keep Anna from sharing in her pain now.
"A couple weeks after your birthday, the summer after fifth grade."
"I see. Just before the one-year memorial for Mama Jules? That's why you told me we couldn't be sisters anymore," Anna said and irrational anger took hold in her chest. "Let me guess. You thought you could spare me the pain of seeing someone I love suffer through this disease again by pushing me away? The ultimate self-sacrifice. Is that what these last three years were about?"
The questions were mostly rhetorical and they both knew it. The tears in Anna's eyes began blurring her vision. She tried taking deep breaths to calm down, but no matter how much air she managed to gulp, it wasn't enough. Elsa searched Anna's face - the furrowed brow, the slightly flared nostrils, the bottom lip being worried by her incisors.
"Are these tears from pain or anger?" Elsa asked softly.
Anna's expression immediately softened at the familiar question and the dam broke, tears streaming down her cheeks. Rivers over constellations of freckles, eyes shining brightly in the moonlight streaming through the window. How many times had Elsa asked her this same question growing up?
Even when she's sick and lying in a hospital bed she's still trying to comfort me. Anna stood suddenly, pacing a short path along the side of Elsa's hospital bed. She didn't know exactly how she was feeling, it was all so overwhelming. She paused several times and looked at Elsa, mouth opening to say something, but words would fail and she'd shake her head as she continued to pace. Elsa watched patiently as Anna worked out her thoughts.
"Yes," Anna said suddenly, turning on the spot at the far edge of her path. Elsa blinked in confusion. Anna had paced for several minutes and Elsa had to replay her question in her head to make sure it wasn't one that required a yes or no answer. "I'm hurt, Elsa. It hurt when you shut me out, when you cut me from your life with no explanation. Like what we had meant nothing to you."
"It wasn't that at all!"
"I know! I know that now and that's what makes it worse! Now I'm hurt because you made this decision for me. I should have gotten to choose how to handle this, but you took that from me." Anna was doing her best not to shout and started pacing again to let out some tension. "You decided that you knew what was best for me and forced me out of your life. It all but killed me, and you were my person, Elsa. I was hurting. I was lost and confused. You were the only person that I wanted to talk to, but you were gone. And the worst part?" Anna said and stopped her pacing right next to Elsa. "The part that makes me so mad... You turned me into a liar. You made me break my promise, Elsa."
"What promise?" Elsa frowned. They'd made so many promises to each other.
"Until the sun fades out and the world is covered in frost," Anna said barely above a whisper. "I should have been here for you, Elsa, and you took that from me."
"I never intended to hold you to that," Elsa whispered back.
"But I did!" Anna shouted as quietly as her anger would allow. Chest heaving. Fists balled. Fire burning inside. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. "I did… Our mamas always told us to never make promises we can't keep. And now I've broken two."
"Two?" Elsa's own tears were ready to spill over; like overflowing river basins threatening to destroy a poorly constructed dam. Her heart twisted in turmoil for her best friend.
"Mama Jules asked me to be strong for you," she whispered in answer. Anna opened her eyes, the tears flowing unencumbered now. "And I have been so weak."
"Oh, Anna. No," Elsa said quietly but firmly. Anna opened her eyes to see that Elsa had reached a hand out to her. She stepped closer and took it. Elsa's hand was cold, but Anna found that fact comforting. Mama Jules' hands were always cold when she was still fighting. "You are not weak. I don't think you are even capable of such."
"But I have been," Anna said, sitting in her chair again but never letting go of Elsa's hand. "I let you push me away when I should have fought harder. I allowed us to grow apart instead of seeking you out. I left you alone when you needed me the mo -"
"Stop," Elsa said, all whispers gone. A strength building within her as Anna crumbled inside. "I forced your hand in all those situations. Yet still, even after years of my stubborn isolation, you broke through to me. No matter how I've hurt you, you've never given up. Weak, you say? No. I have never met anyone stronger."
Anna didn't agree, but she didn't want to argue. She let herself finally look upon Elsa fully since the tube was removed from her airway. The resemblance to Mama Jules took her breath away. Like her late godmother, even after such an ordeal, Elsa was still stunning. Despite the dark circles under her eyes and the fly away hairs coming loose from her braid, Elsa was as beautiful as always. A gravity pulled Anna down as more tears welled in her eyes. She wondered how she could even still have any left to make.
"Fight hard, Els," she whispered. "I've always followed you around. Stay where I can find you, please."
Elsa's throat burned, but not from rawness left by the plastic tubing that saved her life. She knew this was a promise she could not keep, so it was a promise she did not make. "I will try. For as long as I can."
It wasn't enough. Anna rested her forehead on Elsa's hand, the one she still had yet to let go, and she sobbed. A weight on her shoulders. A darkness in her heart. An endless night with no daybreak on the horizon. The distance over the last three years was one thing, but a world without Elsa in it was too bleak to fathom. She refused to allow it to happen.
Take a breath. Breathe again. Anna lifted her head with resolve. "I will help you. Until the sun fades out and the world is covered in frost."
"Stuck like superglue," Elsa finished with a faint smile. Anna gave her an almost sad sort of chuckle and then couldn't help the yawn that followed after. Elsa frowned as she gazed at Anna's face - the redness of her eyes, the pallor beneath her freckles. "You haven't slept a wink, have you?"
Anna sighed. Elsa could always see right through her. "I was too worried. I was afraid that if I fell asleep… that when I woke you would be…"
Elsa pulled on Anna's hand gently as she used her other to pull the covers back. Anna tried to stop her as Elsa scooted over as much as she could. "Come on. Let's rest."
"No," Anna whispered, trying to pull back from Elsa's surprisingly firm grip. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Don't be ridiculous," Elsa said. "You're my sister. You would never hurt me."
The situation was familiar in many ways, and Anna's resolve broke. She kicked off her shoes and gently slid in next to Elsa, being mindful of all the connections the girl had to the machines around her bed. Anna laid on her side and draped one arm over Elsa's middle, the tears shamelessly falling onto Elsa's shoulder as Anna rested her head in the crook of the blonde's neck. As she felt herself succumb to the heaviness of her fatigue, she voiced one last thing.
"You'll get better soon, Elsa," she breathed before the darkness of slumber pulled her in.
A/N: I'm so sorry we haven't gotten our girls out of the dark and angsty woods yet, but we'll get there. As always - thanks for reading! And stay safe out there, y'all!