Steeled Chapter 6, a naruto fanfic

Author's note: this chapter is Kakashi centric. I had it schemed until here, so it would maybe take me longer to update from now on.

Thank you very much for your comments, follows and favorites. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor any of its characters.

CHAPTER 6:

Kakashi started his day visiting the cenotaph. The place always invited him to reflect, and after placing his respects to all his fallen friends, his mind led him to think about Sakura. He felt that he didn't know her anymore, if he had ever got to know the real her at all.He was aware of the changes a person could make in five years, but he knew as well that there had to be much more in Sakura, when she was his student, which was hidden or he didn't pay attention, for her to be such a different person now.

He didn't know in depth the woman she had become, but he had noticed certain things that disturbed him. Kakashi had discovered that she was highly depressed for a long time after they left all those years ago, but she must have overcome it at a certain point, that was a sure thing. She was now open, very mature, intelligent and had steeled herself. But she reminded him of himself in some aspects: she seemed to have lost her naivety and idealism; it appeared as if she was still kind, and she had cheerfulness in her, but he couldn't avoid to think that she kept an arm's distance with almost everybody.

He had seen that the only people close to her were Ino, Tsunade, Shikamaru and Kiba, the latter being her friend with benefits but not his boyfriend; all the rest of the people who related to her, and they were a very wide amount of people, didn't look more than acquaintances. He had witnessed her having a drink with Genma twice, as well, but twice in almost six months didn't suggest a very close friendship.

Then, there was Naruto. They seemed closer those two last months, but she still looked cautious sometimes when they were together. He understood her reasons, but it made him feel a little sad.

Kakashi didn't want her to become a younger version of himself, she wasn't there yet, but she was already on her way. He felt guilty of contributing to someone like Sakura became a cynic and losing the experiences he knew she deserved to live.

It wasn't that he didn't care for her back in team seven's days, but he had focused his energies on Sasuke and Naruto, because they had a lot of troubles at that moment and she seemed to be doing well. When Jiraiya took the role of Naruto's sensei, he felt grateful with the sannin, as he didn't know very well how to help the Jinchūriki. So, after that, he turned all his attention on Sasuke, as Kakashi felt that he was the one who needed him the most, and decided to leave with him as well.

He had to admit that he didn't stop to think about how their departure was going to affect Sakura, and he was so focused on the Uchiha those days that he didn't help her to find another sensei, he just assumed that she would join Asuma's team, Shikamaru been already promoted to chunin.

But now, Kakashi felt that he had failed her. He was intrigued by the woman she had become, he could empathize with her and felt the urge to get closer to her. Not to teach her, he had lost that role in her life too long ago, but as someone who was able to provide occasional advice and support. He felt that he owed her at least that.

Kakashi finally stood from his place in front of the cenotaph and headed to the library to start the research about chakra stealing. Determination to approach Sakura and have a real conversation with her getting set on him.

The next day they met at the jounin headquarters, as agreed. Sakura told him that she didn't have to work at the hospital until their research was finished and they decided to go to the library, where Kakashi had started the day before.

Sakura was quiet most of the time and portrayed a cold and professional visage. So, at lunch time, being seated at a secluded table in the tempura restaurant, Kakashi decided to confront her.

"I know what you are doing, Sakura." Kakashi told her seriously.

"And what that would be, Kakashi?" she retorted.

"You keep a distance from everybody so anyone can hurt you, you have a few friends, go out, sleep with some, but you don't let anybody in more than you think it is safe. You are not helping yourself, believe me."

"Told the pot to the kettle…" she replied sharply. "And why would you suddenly care? I am going to tell you what I first told Naruto, and I am only going to say it once. It's my choice, you made yours and I had to live with them and cope, so don't you dare to judge me because you don't like the way I chose to deal with it. It's been a long way, but I am fine and I intend on remaining this way. You have no right to tell me how to behave, you lost it the moment you decided to ignore me as your student and left with Sasuke without a second thought about the teen girl you left to her own." She rambled in a calm anger.

Kakashi had never seen her like this, so harsh and stubborn showing in her eyes.

"You know", she continued, "I could not hate Naruto or Sasuke, 'cause I understood they were being selfish, but they were teens and maybe that was their moment to be selfish and think only in themselves, but you," she glared at him with the cold ire of a goddess, "you were supposed to be my sensei as well, you were supposed to look after me as well, and you never even saw me. You taught us the importance of team work and then split the team in an eye's blink. You just left without any explanation, any help to find a new sensei. I had to find my own path, I had to fight teeth and nails to become who I am right now and I am not going to step back now."

"You are right, I am sorry Sakura" he tried to apologize to her.

"Sorrow is a useless feeling in our profession, Kakashi, you know it well enough", she cut him. "I don't know you, because you never gave me the chance, but I do know some things about you. I can imagine that you are saying all this to me because you don't want me to isolate myself the way you did, but it was your choice, your way to cope; this is mine, so don't you dare try to act like my sensei now, I'm nineteen Kakashi, I am not a genin unworthy of your attention anymore and you can't take back time and behave like you should have done almost six years ago. Make us both a favor and keep acting as you always have, stop pretending you care about me out of blame and stay out of my personal life. I will work with you as I have done until now if the mission requires it, because we are both shinobi and duty is always first, but that's all."

Kakashi was shocked. He felt like crying for the first time since he was fourteen. He had done it again, maybe he had not killed Sakura, but he had helped to make the Sakura he once knew disappear. This young woman, he could understand perfectly. And he didn't know how to help her overcome it, the same way he had never known how to help himself.

She was right, he had no right to tell her how to cope, but it hurt him immensely to see her commit the same mistakes he had already done. He had to find a way to get to her, so he tried to explain himself.

"Sakura, please, listen to me for just a minute. You're right, I was a shit of a sensei to you and I have no right to tell you how to behave or act like your teacher anymore. It is not my intention here, sorry if I've given you that impression, words aren't my speciality." He stopped for a moment, thinking how to continue now that Sakura was letting him talk. "I'm glad to see that you have managed to become an excellent kunoichi and feel self assured but I can't avoid to notice that you are now similar to me in some ways that I wouldn't want anyone to share. Maybe you are right and I'm only feeling guilty, but it's not the only reason I am saying this to you."

He felt the impulse to add that he wanted to know her and be one of the close people to her, but it was a thought that came out of the blue and that he didn't understand himself, so he decided not to tell her and file it in his mind for later to be analyzed.

Sakura looked at him with an indecipherable face. It was the first time she heard him apologize sincerely for something and he hadn't denied any of her accusations. She sighed in frustration.

"It's none of your business, but I do open to some people. It's not that I am a hermit, it's just that I'm very careful with the people I trust. So you don't have to worry about me. I struggled for a time, yes, but I figured it out and now I'm perfectly fine."

"Do you? Then, why aren't you dating Inuzuka?". Countered Kakashi. "You trust him enough with your body but not so much with your heart?"

"You are talking about very personal matters that you don't understand at all, Kakashi." Sakura was starting to get angry again. She tried to control her emotions, but anger was always the most difficult one for her to keep at bay, so she retorted: "I haven't ever asked you about Obito."

Kakashi went taut, he didn't know who had told her about his past, but it looked like she knew more than was letting show. She was right, again. He had never told her anything personal about himself.

"Obito was my best friend and I didn't find out until he died." He said brashly. "There, the short story about Obito."

Sakura was flabbergasted that he had told her that. Anger started flowing away from her, but she still felt cornered. She never would have thought that Kakashi was going to be one of the people to pursue a closer relationship with her than the one they had before they left Konoha. Naruto, she had foreseen it, but Kakashi behaving the way he was doing at the moment was something incomprehensible for her, and she didn't know how to react.

"Kiba and I are not in love and never will be, that's the reason we are not dating." She said with a small voice, looking defiantly at him. "We are good friends who find human warmth in each other, that's all." She added with finality in her voice. "Now, could we please drop this topic and go back to our research?"

Kakashi found her explanation quite reasonable and he didn't know why he hadn't thought about such an answer for her relationship with the Inuzuka. He conceded and stood from their table to go back to the library.

They spent the afternoon in an awkward silence and when dinner time arrived, they parted scheduling a new research session for the next day. They hadn't found anything similar, in the slightest, to the skills owned by the syndicate's leader.

That night, after eating the leftovers from the day before, Kakashi decided to go to take a drink out. He had been replaying his conversation with Sakura in his head, and he didn't know what to think anymore. Was he mistaken? Had he sawn Sakura keeping people out because it was what he'd done?.

He now knew that their departure had to be very painful for Sakura, worse than if they had died, in a way, because they left voluntarily. It was not the same as his losses, but it was a loss nonetheless. Maybe he had deduced that she had coped with it the same way he did because he had found that she was as detached when on a mission as him.

Kakashi entered the pub and saw Genma and Gai sharing a table at the corner. He joined them and ordered a beer.

"What's with the thoughtful expression?" Inquired Genma.

"I have had an argument with Sakura." Kakashi confessed.

"What about?" Intervened Gai.

"I accused her of keeping people at an arm's length. I had the impression that she was following my steps in that field and I felt responsible for having contributed to it."

"Wow." Genma was at a lack of words for a moment. Then, he shook his head and said to Kakashi: "It's not the same, man. It is true that Sakura is very private with her personal life and that she doesn't have many close friends, but I think she has managed to find a balance there. It takes time for her to trust, but she does when people evidence to her that they are trustworthy and have the needed interest in having a friendship with her."

"So it seems." Was the only thing that Kakashi was able to say. He decided to change the topic to avoid further questioning. "Anyway, how have you been?"

It looked like, more than him providing advice to Sakura, he should ask her for some. What an irony. But it didn't change his resolution to get to know her, he just had to avoid coming to hasty conclusions anymore.