Later that day it was raining and all the kids moaned being bored Savana and her boyfriend in her bedroom video chatting thinking they were alone but not in the Preston household or the Preston household.
"So sweetie do you want to play would you rather or we could get to the kinky stuff" Savana said as her boyfriend on the other end smiled and Chaz Savana's boyfriend said Would You Rather.
"OK here's a good one would you rather be given a million dollars every week for the rest of your life but you'll have no control over your bowels at all or be given a billion dollars once but you'd have to listen to Rock Lobster on a loop for an eternity?"
"I chose million dollar loose bowels I mean it's a million dollars" Chaz says as Savana agrees with him.
"OK Chazzy Wazzy so what do you want to do now kinky stuff? I'm really up for kinky stuff honey get me while the getting's good"
"Or we could watch a movie at the same time I mean everybody loves movies right?"
"OK fine but not another Dwayne The Rock Johnson action flick let's watch 50 Shades Of Grey my little teddy bear".
"Sav we're fifteen how does a fifteen year old girl even know about fifty shades or become as sexual as you? I mean let's just sit and watch a movie" Chaz said as Savana groaned meanwhile downstairs Deidra was putting a brilliant plan into action.
"OK so everybody has their roles and everyone knows when to come in so let's ruin Savana's day that is if she's not ruining Chaz's by video sexing him".
"Dee this is genius but the baby with the phone who is that? I mean we need a baby with a phone" Bill said as Aurora Possible Kim's newest edition cooed and giggled as Deidra smiled.
Ok in 3-2-1 and mama comes in first".
Meanwhile upstairs Chaz and Savana are watching Titanic love in their eyes not knowing all of that was about to end quickly.
"If we were on a ship and it was sinking would you save me Chazzy? I mean I would save you but I would like to know if the feelings mutual" Savana said as another box appeared on the call and Savana looked at it confused.
"Ohhhhhhh caught you having video sex wait why aren't you naked?" Deidra asked as Savana muttered not now blushing from embarrassment.
"Mom get off our video call? I mean who invited you anyway you snoopy ass bitch".
"Are we still at foreplay stage? Guys it's distance sex just fake it I know Savana knows how to fake it oh Trevor oh Trevor oh Trevor ohhhhhhhhhhhh Trevorrrrrrrrrr yes".
"How did you even join this call this is Zoom you need a link to join and last I checked you don't have one for this call".
Sure I do you sent me the link BTW that does not look like Trevor he's chiseled like a Greek God and full of tattoos" Deidra said as Chaz gave Savana an accusing look.
"Trevor huh so what are you fucking basketball team captains now? Trying to move up the food chain a little more are we?" Chaz asked as Savana stared hard at her mother.
"I did not send you the link mother now are you hacking Zoom? If you are I'm sending the FBI after you and they will throw you in prison" Savana said as Deidra just giggled looking at Chaz.
"Hey Mrs. P. still living I see so what be up? I mean besides my girlfriends boy numbers I mean how many did you fuck after me or before me or during me I mean we never even had it yet".
"Only because your turtle is afraid to come out of his shell and have a little fun I mean come on already Chaz you're a teen boy dating a sex crazed teen like me should be a dream come true baby".
"Hi Chazzy Wazzy as she calls you how's social isolation treating you? How's your peen?"
"My Peen is fine it seems to please Savana when she's not going all sex crazed girl around me".
"I'll bet it's not I mean Savana hasn't even seen it unless your name is Trevor which it's not damn that chiseled bod of his it's making me wet in all the right places".
"Mother gross get off this call I know for a fact I didn't send you the link now go do something productive like dad go screw dad" Savana said as Deidra grinned and giggled at her daughter.
"We screwed last night I still can't walk straight I bet Chas's peen is nothing like your fathers he has a peen that can choke a boa constrictor".
"La la la la la la la la la laaaaaa I'm not hearing this I'm not listening I'm not listening I'm not listening I do not need to hear this".
"So Mrs. P a boa constrictor huh does he take special drugs like Viagra to make it bigger or is it natural? I'm asking for A um friend".
Another box appeared and Thea Savana's little sister and worshipper of Savana appeared and Deidra smiled wider knowing how much Thea annoyed the hell out of Savana.
"What's up fuckers I'm coming to you live from yonder bedroom with my video blog hey Kimmy Hey Anne who's up for As The World Turns Preston style?"
"Thea how did you get on this call this is a private chat you need an invite and don't play the mom card and say I sent you the link too".
"OK on opposite day which is every Yadirf of the keew I could say that but not today see here in black and white in my G mail folder is the link".
"Hey Frito wanna here how hung daddy is I still can't walk straight after the things we did last night. That man is heaven and hush puppies I tell you what" Deidra said taking on the Texas accent she had growing up in Texas.
"So funny story someone told me if you microwave a penny it'll shrink. So long story short don't go into the kitchen the fire department is still there sorting it out" Thea said as giggling was heard and two more boxes appeared showing the Possible Twins who were devoted to Thea's Vlog.
"Fire department are any of them good looking? I'm asking for a uhh friend" Deidra said as the twins laughed smearing hot fudge on their faces cackling.
"On top of my sister's interesting love life I'm also showing everyone some beauty tips as the twins have demonstrated hot fudge exfoliates the skin way better than that guacamole looking gunk Savana uses".
"So uhh yea hot or not Frito my friend is dying to know. I mean she's single and a man in uniform usually sets the love meter off in her brain I mean RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" Deidra growled like a cat
"I don't know they were all wearing full face helmets last I saw. Now back to the beauty tips they sell this stuff hard shell at any grocery store do not use this only hot fudge exfoliates".
"Ugh what do I even keep you here for welp by yo".
Deidra logged out leaving Thea with Chaz and Savana and they were both very uncomfortable seeing Kimmy and Anne giggle and spread honey on themselves.
"Another really good idea for pesky hair removal is honey just like Pooh Bear's honey and it's really easy. All's you do is thank you assistants spread the honey on those hairy places and take these strips tear away and yowch that hairs gone but it stings.
"Thea don't you have better things to do then watch me and my boyfriend watch Titanic? I mean vlog somewhere else would ya?".
"Ohhhhhhhhhh did I interrupt video sex wait why are your clothes on and why does Chaz not look like you described him in your diary?" Thea asked skimming the pages of Savana's diary.
Another screen appeared and a girl in all black a black cat in her lap sighed mournfully and Savana sighed just great doom and gloom.
"OK does anyone know why the house smells of fire and why I'm being barricaded out of our kitchen by what looks like the entire San Dimas Fire Department?" Wednesday Preston asked as the cat Midnight just uttered a pathetic meow at the screen.
"Sav what is going on? I mean how is everyone able to join this call" Chaz asked as Thea hummed happily still skimming Savana's diary trying to find her description of Trevor.
"Arrrrrrrrrr Wednesday how did you get on this call and don't you dare say you sent me the link because I know I would never do that" Savana said dreading Wednesday's answer.
"You sent me the link. So where am I supposed to go to toast my pop tarts till there as black as me and Midnight combined if I can't go to the kitchen?".
"I think you sent them the link Sav I mean it's what we call a whoopsie doodle but you definitely sent it to them which is how they can join".
"I didn't though I'm very careful with our video call time especially since you've become used to my body and we play strip Truth Or Dare on Friday nights".
"I have a whole bunch of matches in my room and a stack of books I don't like we can rip the pages out and start a little bonfire to toast your pop tarts on".
"OK great see you in your room in thirty seconds to the minute Midnight and I are starving our stomachs are rumbling".
"Make it one hundred and twenty I have to pee first. Yayyyyyyyyyy my first campfire vlog with my best friends and gloomy sister".
"Oh God I did I thought I just sent the video call link to you Chaz but I accidentally pasted it to my Preston Family texting group that I was forced to join" Savana said hating herself for her family being right.
"It's ok it looks like their all gone now anyway. How does your dad keep it spicy for your mom in the bedroom I mean choke a boa constrictor your dad is my idol" Chaz said as Savana moaned staring hard into Chaz's eyes.
"Chaz I have heard enough about my dad's peen boa constrictor's and anything else that goes on in that bedroom that I never needed to know about".
"I'm closing my eyes their better not be any nudity when I open them or Chazzy will meet the end of my double barrel and don't think I'm kidding" Bill said his hands over his eyes his shirt off and Deidra making out with him.
"Dad this is a private video call between Chaz and I. Now kindly take mom to your room, turn off your computer, and please her like you did last night".
"Who gave you permission to have private video calls young lady? You may not have private video calls until you're married and not a moment before can I open my eyes".
"So bad news all the firefighters were uggos every single one of them. The firefighting profession really has gone downhill in recent years even some women down there women" Deidra said disgusted as Chaz tried his best not to laugh.
"Mom haven't you been a firefighter before we were born? And uhh why are dad's pants on the chair behind you" Savana asked as Chaz was suddenly interested in what was going on in Deidra's room.
"Bill easy baby I still can't walk right after last night's encounter and Sav that is not the point I wore the firefighter attire for a calendar I made for your dad for his birthday June was so very hawt".
Chaz laughed as Savana growled seeing she was losing him and she was going to wring her family's neck for interrupting her call.
"OK great can you both get off this call now please I beg of you. Just give me some peace and quiet for another two hours we're only into hour one of Titanic".
"Fires a blazin in my room anybody up for a little Koombiah should get in on this now" Thea said joining again Kimmy and Anne giggling at Deidra and Bill making out.
"Also we're making S'mores screw the pop tarts S'mores for breakfast is something the youngest sib talked me into" Wednesday said appearing next to Thea marshmallows on a stick.
"Thea and Wednesday how many times do we have to tell you not to start fires inside the house?" Bill asked as Deidra kissed his chest the twins watching with curiosity.
"Apparently twice today because some moron at Frito's school told her to microwave a penny I mean what kind of idiot would tell a three year old girl to do that?"
"Now Dee let's not jump to conclusions I mean I'm sure Thea is very sorry and she'll never do it again right Thee tell mama your sorry" Bill said hoping the truth didn't come out.
"We needed a new microwave anyway so I regret nothing. I mean what's life without curiosity? Nothing that's what".
"Bill baby it's fine the whole house wasn't burned just the kitchen and it's not that bad as you might think".
"And I never said it was a moron from school it was actually a moron named dad" Thea said as the twins laughed out loud Savana groaning why me why is it always me?
"Oh yea the penny thing did it shrink if not that's bogus and we have to call MythBusters and tell them it didn't work" Bill said as Savana just stared at all the people on the screen.
"Can you guys just hang up now hour two of Titanic is setting sail and who knows maybe Chaz and I can play some strip Truth Or Dare later" Savana said at the end of her rope.
"Oh good I'm so glad you're all here has anyone seen Ted? I found a note that says $40.00 and last time I found a note like this I had to travel to England to bail him out of jail for drug smuggling" Ginger said Hope Ginger's youngest and Kylie still looking sick on the other end.
"OH MY GODDAMN HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE IN THIS TEXT GROUP I MEAN COME ON PEOPLE GO OUTSIDE AND DO SOMETHING MY LIFE IS NOT THAT INTERESTING".
"Kylie and Hope won't stop crying and I tried everything Sesame Street, Dora The Explorer, Doc Mcstuffins nothing is working".
"Maybe that's because those are kiddie shows and I'm thirteen. Hope may love all those crazy cartoons but not me my stomach really, really, really, really hurts and it's the girls in the top rights fault that it happened damn girls" Riley slurred as Ginger growled damn double vision.
"Did you try bouncing it always worked for us when we had our babies except Savana I think we dropped her on her head too much as a kid" Bill said as Savana said fuck you all the people looking surprised at her no more than Kimmy, Anne, Thea, and Hope.
"Mama she's going to need her mouth washed with soap I said dang it once and I was put in the corner with a bar in my mouth" Hope said as Ginger made to bounce Kylie and she growled don't you dare.
"How about a little Tylenol a or a bit of whiskey" Wednesday and Deidra suggested Ginger looking a mess her hair standing on end.
"Meanwhile Ted went out for cigarettes three days ago and still hasn't come back yet. I should have known something was up since he doesn't even smoke. The only thing I have to go by is this note saying $40.00".
"Ginger thank Chalupas your there I clicked on the link thing that was posted on our big family group text I was hoping it would work" Ted said sun and sand behind him chickens running behind him.
"Jesus Christ you guys just because there's a link doesn't mean you have to click it I sent them out by mistake for fucks sake" Savana said as Hope was making notes on how many bars of soap she would need.
"Where the hell are you Ted? I mean you have a family and you've been gone for three days supposedly buying cigarettes you won't smoke" Ginger said as everyone couldn't wait to hear Ted's excuse.
"In Tijuana Ginge can you drive on up here and get me I'm having a lot of trouble getting back across the border since I got no papers with me and no car".
"Where is your car rocks for brains? I cannot believe you would leave me here with two moaning kids I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, I need the ER it's exhausting".
"OK so what had happened was this guy named DeCarlo's who I met at a gas station and seemed really nice offered to park my car for me while I brought some Kombucha and Tostitos so I gave him the keys and he did not come back".
"Ted baby stay with me here ok and pay close attention why would you give your car keys to a guy you just met bonehead?".
"Daddy is that you if it is hear this I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LEAVE ME HERE WITH THIS HOMEWRECKER IF I WASN'T SEEING THREE SAVANA'S RIGHT NOW I'D COME TO MEXICO AND KICK THE WHITEST PART OF YOUR ASS I COULD FIND!" Kylie moaned as Ginger just glared at Ted.
"Because I never learned how to parallel park Ginger and Kylie apologize to your second mother right now. I mean she's trying her best with the hand she's dealt".
Kylie in another rebel move flipped Ted off and lied back on the couch Hope giggling and putting her middle finger up like Kylie did.
"Great now I also have that to deal with so Ted how exactly is your damn vacation going? Hopefully you enjoy it because once you get back you are never leaving this house again".
A fuzzy picture appeared next to Ted as everyone looked not knowing who it could be but Deidra did and laughed hysterically.
"Who the hell is that I mean how could this video call get any worse I have an oversexed mother, a dad with a big peen, two sisters burning books in a room, another sister vlogging everything, a friend on a couch, a mother of that friend mad at her husband in Mexico and now a blurry thing".
"Hello who are you? And if you're a monster or a stalker my sister has a cat that will claw your eyes out" Thea said as Wednesday shook her head no patting Midnight's head as she purred and fell asleep.
"Thee Midnight is not your run of the mill cat she's let fame get the better of her she's a spoiled witch but remove the W and replace it wit big one" Wednesday said eating her charred S'more.
"Wait I think that's Aurora the little scamp I totally forgot she was here for this video call" Deidra said as Aurora cooed and stared at the phone.
"It is and it looks like she found someone's phone. I pity that person Aurora is in the put things in her mouth stage she's teething on Kimmy and my ponytails every other day" Anne said as Kimmy nodded confirming what Anne said.
"Wait, wait we're eight squares right now Wednesday if you go back to your own room and computer we can totally Brady Bunch".
"OK I'm on it and mom great idea we are definitely the classic TV show family but I love us that way" Wednesday said running off with her charred S'more back to her room Midnight feebly walking behind her.
"I can't believe you Ted how did you even get to Mexico? I mean please don't tell me the $40.00 was the deal breaker you cheap wad" Ginger said Kylie's head lunging into a pot and throwing up.
"OK one by car like I already told you and two because another cool dude named Bo Derrick who I met in a Hooters loading dock asked if I could deliver a sealed suitcase to a buddy of his he was going to give me $40.00 to do it" Ted said as Ginger muttered unbelievable.
"OK mom ready and so is Midnight her YouTube followers will love this and the vid will get so many hits in an hour".
"OK ba da da da da da ok wait I'm in the Jan square".
"Mom it doesn't matter however we do this it's going to rock and Midnight will still be in Super Stardom so can we get this over with please Midnight wants egg whites and whole wheat toast".
"So I should have said no to $40.00 this is what you're saying Ginger? You always said we could use more money".
"I wanna be Marcia Savana come here and switch with me I'll go to your room so I can be Marcia" Deidra said Savana plotting ways to get revenge on her family for ruining her video call/ date.
"How about Chaz and I just log off altogether? Chaz isn't even a part of this family and I bet he thanks God for that" Savana said as Deidra got angry and everyone saw it.
"I will crack your head like an egg if you do we need nine for The Brady Bunch or it doesn't make sense. Just cooperate for once in your life Savana".
"None of this makes sense but S'mores are S'mores and paper makes marshmallows really sweet" Thea said taking a chomp from her S'more.
"Thea honey don't mess with the curls the youngest one in curls honey and you are the youngest. Now to find Elliot, Sharon, Adeline, and Kendra to Brady Bunch" Deidra squealed excitedly as if called Elliot the Preston's only son logged on from another room.
"Heigh ho so what's up fam what are we doing? Hopefully something cool I'm missing a KND meeting for this" Elliot said as Hope swooned seeing Elliot.
"Deidra come switch with me you can be Greg and we can get this Brady intro underway. Then after we can continue what we did last night" Bill said raising his eyebrows and Deidra stood up.
"I don't wanna be Greg I want to be Marcia and Savana like it or not I'm going to be Marcia I'm the oldest and so is Marcia".
"Can we hurry this up I hate curls and as soon as this is over these curls are gonzo hear me mother? You know I hate curls. Why do I have to be Cindy anyway Elliot can be Cindy give him curls".
"Yes Ted I definitely think you should have said no to $40.00. I think you should have decided that looking after your daughters was more important than a three day pass to not be a father" Ginger argued as Ted gulped hating the hiss in her voice.
"He was gonna pay for gas too what kind of idiot says no to that. I mean a trip to Mexico gas provided just to be a drug mule are you kidding it's every guys dream".
"The kind of idiot who is actually a responsible parent and takes alimony checks from his ex-wife Sandra Carson.
"Ginger Sandra is drinking her life away if she is sending money I don't see it so that's on you not me. Just relax get my papers and come pick me up".
"Teddy Bear, Sweetheart, love of my life I CAN'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR MEXICO WITH A LITTLE GIRL AND A TEEN HUNG OVER AND SAVANA HAVE I FORGOTTEN TO THANK YOU FOR GETTING OUR SWEET KYLIE DRUNK?"
"Koombiah my Lord Koombiah Koombiah my lord Koombiah ohhhhhhhhhh Lord Koombiah" Deidra sang hoping to calm Ginger down.
"Mommy you're no longer next to the bonfire you can't do the Koombiah and also I really only meant it figuratively" Thea said Deidra nowhere to be seen.
"OK mama we're here make this quick we have more fun things to do with our time besides Brady Bunching as Elliot's calling it. We want to go outside with our friends" Sharon said as Adeline and Kendra nodded logging on and all nine squares for Deidra's Brady Bunch was ready a humming coming from behind Savana's door.
"Ba da da da da here's a story of a lovely lady that's Chaz who wa-" Deidra began as Savana just stared angrily at her mother.
"Gross mom social distance six feet apart not a half a foot. Damn what did I do to deserve this I'm a good girl God honest I am" Savana said as Deidra full out laughed everyone else joining her.
"You're meant to go to my room and as for you being the social distance queen it's hard to fuck boys six feet apart but not your father that man can do the impossible trust me I know it's why I married him".
"Eww gross I'm not ever stepping foot in your room again after I found out what happens in there. I mean geez leave something to the imagination".
"Savana sweetie please move to my room you're the Jan and we can get this over with and it's Titanic for Chaz and Savana for two more hours.
Savanna grinned knowing how to get under Deidra's skin and Deidra hated Savana's evil smile everyone on the video call hating it.
"I don't have tew mommy. I don't have tew, I don't have tew, I don't have tew, I don't have tew you fucking bitch" Savana said as the chat gasped as Deidra picked Savana up and threw her in Ted and her room.
"If anyone's the Jan it's Wednesday she's like an Emo Jan who can argue with that?" Thea said as Bill called Wednesday the Peter.
"Good idea Wednesday come and be in my Peter square and do something for these kids for the love of heaven" Ginger said both kids crying Hope wanting lunch and Kylie wanting her stomachache to go away.
"Ginger should be in the middle square she's the Alice of my life and hopefully soon I'll see her again and find my goddamn car" Ted said as Ginger stared hard at him.
"So I'm not just your wife I'm a maid too is that it? I'm the Alice because I'm a maid made to clean up your messes you insensitive jerk".
"Also I've never cleaned a toilet in my entire life. Wednesday get over here and clean my toilet it's full of Kylie's puke I'll pay you $20.00 after the job".
"Right now Wednesday's only job is being my Jan for the Brady Bunch or was it the Peter either way before anything else Wednesday is Brady Bunching".
"Hello? Hello? What button do we push? Maybe this one Colonel can you see us Dee sweetie it's mom and dad" Deidra's mom said as Deidra groaned now having ten squares.
"Nooooooooooo my precious Brady Bunch Mom? Dad? What are you guys doing trying to work technology it's not your thing".
"Mr. and Mrs. Long great come get me from Tijuana bring my papers I'm in a Mexican prison I'm sending out an SOS" Ted said as Ginger moaned staring him down.
"A MEXICAN PRISON I THOUGHT YOUR CAR JUST GOT STOLEN YOU'RE IN A MEXICAN PRISON? TED I SWEAR THAT SOS BETTER BE FOR YOU TO FIND A NEW WIFE BECAUSE IF I EVER CATCH YOU YOU'LL NEED MORE THAN AN SO MOTHER FUCKING S!" Ginger said as Hope grabbed a bar of soap shoving it into Ginger's mouth.
"Did you press the button Jake? I mean we can see them but can they see or hear us? Dee what does Elliot want for his birthday we are like stumps on a log about the whole thing".
"Mom dad we can see you it's working and he wants a Nintendo Switch bundled with Super Paper Mario Origami King, Super Mario Kart for the Switch, Super Mario Odyssey, and Super Mario Bros. Wii U deluxe for the Switch" Bill said as the grandparents just stared at the phone.
"I pressed all the dag nabbed buttons it's not working Natalie. Dee we'll call you later with present ideas I need to get a new cellphone" Colonel Jake Long said him and his wife leaving.
"No Mr. and Mrs. Long come back Bo Derrick didn't give me my $40.00 and I got no money for an Uber. Ginge wait for me baby" Ted said as Ginger hit her head on her fist repeating unbelievable.
"OK back to nine ladies and gentlemen from the top Savana quit making faces at me and at least pretend to enjoy yourself you'll have your room back after we do the Brady Bunch.
"Mom I am never going to forgive you for this I mean this room smells of sweat, blood, tears, shame, and strawberry cheesecake scented candles" Savana moaned as Deidra conducted the song ignoring Savana.
"Ba da da da da da nooooooooooo grrrrrrrrrrr Aurora logged off come on sweet baby waby Possible come back so we can Brady Bunch" Deidra said as another older woman appeared and every one shrieked hating this woman with a passion.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh hi Great Aunt Gladys so uhh who taught you to use the phone biggest girl ever? FYI thanks for waking me up for the Shenanigans fam" Riley the middle child said her black hair falling in her eyes a shirt saying Tina Belcher is my spirit animal on her room decked out in Tina everything.
"OK Great Aunt Gladys how did you get this link because there is no way you're in the Preston Family texting group" Wednesday said Midnight hissing at Great Aunt Gladys.
"I saw a link posted on the Preston family Vlog and I clicked and Eureka here I am with as it looks the whole Motley Crew" Great Aunt Gladys said as Deidra looked hopeful.
"Or Brady Bunch please say Brady Bunch and look you can even be Bobby the youngest boy you're in his spot".
"That Vlog is a Wednesday thing if ever I heard one she loves posting cat videos and making vlogs" Thea said as Wednesday heard enough staring hard into Thea's eyes.
"Says the girl with her own Vlog and I happen to know you have a family Vlog as well so who does Vlogs now? I just do cat videos for Midnight's benefit not yours" Midnight said and all's everyone but Wednesday heard was meowing and hissing.
"At least you read it Great Aunt Gladys. I mean how hard is it to join a family vlog once in a while?"
"I don't read it I just have a quick gander to ensure my whore of a great niece hasn't gone and gotten herself pregnant out of wedlock".
"Oh no these kids magically appeared with Snow White instead of seven dwarves we have nine and instead of a witch we have a Great Aunt that thinks she owns the family".
"Great Aunt Gladys what do you want? We have better things to do here Brady Bunching things and I have a Tina Belcher collage to add to" Riley said as Great Aunt Gladys looked at everyone Savana humming the funeral march mourning her video call.
"I regret to inform you all that your Aunt Millicent is no longer with us now let's have a moment of silence for the departed".
"Why did she move to Peru again?" Thea asked Kimmy and Anne waxing each other's legs with honey Thea's followers rising by the minute.
"No she has passed on tragically due to an unforeseen sexual accident. I warned her about doing yoga before sex she just isn't so limber anymore".
"I am intrigued and also terrified I mean I know it's said Bill has a legendary peen did your Aunt Millicent see it or touch it dude" Ted asked as Ginger slowly counted to ten trying to calm herself down.
"Deidra I told you sex could kill us I mean my peen is a secret weapon it needs to be holstered" Bill said as Deidra giggled.
"YOLO also we're back to nine squares so ba da da da da da-".
"Could you go away please?" Savana growled at Deidra as Deidra stared at Savana's square.
"You go away you're the Jan you're always in my space, your never wanting to leave my space, your jealous of my space, you're the Jan" Deidra said as everyone giggled at her.
"Hey Look Wednesday is the Mike now" Thea said the Possible twins showing viewers how to make the perfect Fluffernutter.
"That's perfect because he was secretly gay and thought nobody noticed but we all knew".
"What's what now and if I'm the Mike shouldn't I be I don't know a guy?" Wednesday asked as the whole family shrugged.
"Does nobody care that you're Aunt Millicent has died? I mean we're a family and we have to pull together for her sake" Great Aunt Gladys said.
"Not really since you're often telling us that and you end up being wrong. I mean you're just like the boy who cried wolf".
"I would not lie to you Millicent is dead she's gone. My dear, dear sister taken so cruelly from this world".
"Wait she's really dead and also who's crying wolf? I'm not crying wolf I mean I'd cry if I ever saw a wolf but I would never cry wolf".
"She is and I am devastated because she was never given the chance to apologize to me for being such a bitch".
Another screen appeared and an older woman was there to talk trash about Gladys like Gladys talked trash about her.
"How dare you call me a bitch you wrinkly old pruny whore" Millicent said as the family gasped and Riley said oh snap.
"Would you rather me call you a snaggletooth incompetent geriatric? Why aren't you dead did the devil and God deny you entry?"
"Ladies this is language is not for the kiddies here can we maybe keep it G, or PG or even PG13?" a voice from the ceiling said and everyone screamed looking at the ceiling.
"Good Lord Deidra you have a talking ceiling how long have you had a voice in your ceiling?" Gladys asked putting makeup on trying to look cute for the disembodied voice.
"I am Fanfic writer John on Earth and this fanfic is from my imagination. I'm changing the rating for this fic for a couple reasons please don't let bad language be one of them".
"O-uhh-k we'll try to tone it down I mean I know Bills peen talk is bad enough so thank you fanfic writer John for showing us the error of our ways" Deidra said a scared expression on her face.
"The only geriatric in this family is the one speaking to me as well as at least seven of my ex-husbands".
"You're balding and you know it. Give it up sister I will beat you down in wordsmithing any day of the week you prune".
"I'm balding? Shall I tell everyone why you style your hair in such a way?"
"It's for hair stylist it's very dignified. Show one country love where the women are not sporting some style?"
"I'll show you a glove the one somebody clearly beat you with as a child. Maybe that's why you're so crude you got it beat into you".
"Listen, listen listen I need one of you to go because I'm trying so hard to do a Brady Bunch thing. I mean we devoted a whole chapter to this Brady Bunch web call" Deidra said as Savana groaned.
"No you devoted a whole chapter to ruining my life beginning with this video call. I mean Chaz is my boyfriend you should have more faith in me and not sp- uhh ok where is my diary?"
"Found it and Chaz this is so not you. OK vlog get ready to hear what a teen girl thinks about. Dear diary today I visioned him and I in a hotel bedroom even a fleabag hotel would do. His chiseled abs pressing against me making me from a young girl to a woman" Thea read as Savana broke Deidra's door and ran for Thea's room.
"He makes me wacky and I hate this feeling of being wacky anyways I'm hoping to sleep with him soon and I'll log him in with the other guys that boned me sincerely Savana Allison Preston".
"OK Savana that is a couple strikes against you I said no more potty mouth and it looks here that you're talking about sex" Fanfic writer John said as Savana flipped him off and in another place fanfic writer John made strikes next to Savana's name.
"Grr you little thief give me that and just to let you know I only let you follow me because I'm warping your mind with all the bad influencey stuff I do" .
"I think I got it this time Natalie. Computer can you hear us we're trying to get a hold of our daughter Deidra Angela Long or Preston now?" The Colonel asked as everyone said they could hear them.
"Ginger please I'm begging you come to Mexico and bring my birth certificate. I don't want to die in a Mexican prison Honey.
"Ted I am I can ignore the fact that you left, I can ignore the fact that your excuse was bullshit, I can ignore the fact that you went to Mexico a place we planned on going just the two of us, but I can't ignore the fact that you did all this for gas money and $40.00" Ginger said agitated.
"Oh I know what we're supposed to do we're supposed to hit this button" Natalie said and the Colonel and Natalie disappeared.
"Mr. and Mrs. Long wait I need you to bail me out I have a family and a life to get back to".
"You better hope you do Ted I mean I put up with a lot in this marriage but you leaving the state for $40.00 bucks crosses the line" Ginger said as John her son walked up saw Wednesday and sat down immediately.
"Hey Weds so what's the haps in Midnight's world these days? I mean it's been hours since the last vid" John said his black hair getting in his eyes Wednesday swooning having a crush on John.
"I say who is this cute drink of water above me with the five o clock shadow now he's a guy girls only dream of" Great Aunt Gladys said as Ginger got a fighting look in her eyes.
"If she means Ted he's taken bitch I will throw down for my poor excuse for a man don't think I won't you haggard".
"Have me do what exactly? I'm in Mexico Ginger Mexicana I don't think you realize how much trouble I'm in right now".
"She does like them stupid doesn't she? I mean he's dumber than a box of rocks" Aunt Millicent said as Ginger stared at her a fighting look in her eyes.
"Excuse me but I don't see you with a man bitch. My man may be dumb but at least he looks out for his family we look out for each other'.
"I do like them stupid that's why I like your outfit bitch" Aunt Millicent said to Great Aunt Gladys and Great Aunt Gladys looked at Aunt Millicent a fighting look like Gingers in her eyes.
"My outfit is Couture what is yours Old Navy?'
"How dare you bring up Old Navy when you know I'm still recovering from my break with Patrick Gonzalez the old navy seal.
"Forgive me for not keeping track of every member of the military with whom you slept with".
"It's easier than keeping track of the number of slippery nipples you consumed this afternoon".
"Is it are or are they next to each other? If they are I guarantee there will be a fight between them knowing them as well as I do" Wednesday said as John winked at her and visions of him taking his shirt off on camera floated into Wednesday's mind.
Words went back and forth between Great Aunt Gladys and Aunt Millicent which resulted in a fight Riley chanting fight, fight, fight, fight, fight over and over like a school girl.
"Well thank God for that hopefully they get all their issues out and everyone can log off. Chaz and I have Titanic to watch" Savana said as Bill hummed My Heart Will Go On and Deidra took vocals.
"Near far wherever you are
Believe that my heart will go on
Once more you opened the door
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on"
"I think today has taught all of us a very valuable lesson. Family will always be family no matter how many times we fight this is Thea Preston and her vlog Hey Kitties signing off".
"OK this is God punishing you for invading on my privacy and Hey Kitties seriously Thee your Vlog has nothing to do with cats".
"Sure it does the cool cats Kimmy, Anne, and myself we're the kitties in the vlog encouraging kids to be themselves".
"Another important lesson we learned today is if we were social distancing none of that never would have happened Great Aunt Gladys and Aunt Millicent were in the same room".
"Wednesday you better come put out this fire or make me some more Smores say that ten times fast" Thea said smoke filling her bedroom.
"Fuck we need Aurora back for the Brady Bunch it was going to be so much fun and I don't ask for much just a Brady Bunch intro and Thea I swear if those curls are gone my size nine is going up your-"
"Deidra don't finish that sentence. Come on guys you're a family just like the Brady's. I mean when has Carol Brady ever swore?" Fanfiction writer John asked as everyone shrugged.
"Stop trying to make the Brady Bunch happen it's not going to happen my husband is in a Mexican prison for $40.00 now why would you write that in dream killer?" Ginger asked as Fanfiction writer John spoke to her next.
"It's goofy Ginger laugh about it. It's comedic and the readers love it he'll be back just give it till the next chapter. All right from the top imagined people take it after stop trying to make the Brady Bunch happen and action".
"Who spat in her cereal milk this morning? Come on Ginge it's really fun and I'll let you be Greg. Huh doesn't being Greg sound like fun?"
"My drunk little angel literally threw up all over my breakfast this morning she needs her father here and I have another one humming Into The Unknown and rewatching Frozen and Frozen II a million fucking times" Ginger screamed as a box appeared under her.
"I'm back we made up by which I mean we both finished our beverages so Millicent has gone to make some newer fresh ones" Great Aunt Gladys said as Deidra was ready for the Brady Bunch.
"OK everyone ba da da da da-" Deidra began as a screen appeared and Emma was seen smoking weed and drinking beer two rules being broken at once.
"Sup bitches and lameos so what are we doing ruining Savana's video chat? Looks to be on my schedule what about yours dad?" Emma asked puffing smoke into her camera.
"Young lady I told you no drinking or drugs and your doing both. Do you even know how to follow rules even simple ones?" Bill asked as Emma puffed more smoke and chugged her beer shaking her head no.
"All of this going on I wish I had my father here he's a colonel just not so good with technology neither is my mother but they would both whip Savana and Emma into shape".
"Don't feel bad Dee my dad left me at an early age too but we're forming a relationship now we talk all the time" Ginger said.
"Did he leave you in Mexico like you're doing to me?" Ted asked as everybody winced seeing Ginger's angry eyes again.
"No he left me in my house with my mother when I was a baby LIKE YOU DID TO YOUR DAUGHTERS!"
"$40.00 Ginger do you know how many bills we can pay with $40.00 that's like a light bill am I right?"
"I will give you $40.00 if you log off now no questions asked" Savana said getting her wallet out showing Ted the $40.00.
"But I'd still be stuck in Tajuana right?"
"GET HOME NOW TED YOU'RE FAMILY NEEDS YOU. I MEAN YOU DON'T SEE BILL LEAVING HIS FAMILY FOR $40.00 HE HAS A HIGH PAYING JOB AND YOU PROBABLY LOST YOURS!
"What is it you want me or you don't want me. Ginger we have to get through this together I mean look at John he's not freaking out talk to him"
"John is busy doing whatever his crush Wednesday wants him to do and right now he's taking off his shirt Wednesday getting awfully close to the camera".
"I want you me-oww what's your name hot stuff?" Aunt Millicent asked as Ted got a scared look on his face.
"Deidra tell your crazy aunt to not hit on my friend he's a married man and hopefully can get home soon to take care of his kids" Bill said as we hear banging bars confirming Ted was in a Mexican prison.
"You just told me yourself silly that's how video chat works. I can show you more about video chat later in private".
"That does it Ginge you aim high I'll aim low and we beat this bitch down BC style. I mean their both taken Aunt Millicent move on to a single man.
"Yea she's got a type dumb as mud sorry daddy but you are dumb. I mean microwaving a penny why did I listen to you?" Thea asked as Deidra just growled Thea gulping hating angry mommy.
"Thea that's daddy I mean I would never call daddy dumb but you would and that just isn't very nice. John nice chest no do not put a shirt on this is the best video chat I've ever been on" Wednesday said Midnight purring in her lap forgetting about her egg whites and whole grain toast.
"Well, well, well looks like doom and gloom found a new friend and this may cut into our YouTubing time not that I mind" Midnight said drooling ad Wednesday could just stare at John ignoring Midnight.
"We all know who I take after the parent who wouldn't tell me to microwave a penny. I mean daddy should be smarter than that".
"Sooooooooo is someone coming to get me or am I stuck here until they let me go" Ted asked as Ginger was at the end of her rope.
"NO ONE IS COMING FOR YOU AND YOU LEFT ME HERE WITH THREE KIDS ONE A FROZEN OBSESSED PRINCESS, ONE A HUNGOVER PRINCESS AND ONE A HORMONAL PRE TEEN DOING WHATEVER A GIRL WANTS HIM TO DO!"
"I will send a car service perhaps you two can pick up William on the way back and you can help me make a sandwich" Aunt Millicent said as both guys had a disgusted face but Ted had to get back to the states.
"You disgust me Millicent I mean we're sisters and you always were the evil one, the vindictive one, the cheating one take your pick" Great Aunt Gladys said.
"Aunt Millicent no you need to social distance" Wednesday said as John still bare chested sat in front of Wednesday who was finding it hard to pay attention to anything but him.
"OK I'll do the social part and you can do the distance Ted send me your coordinates in the video call and I'll do the rest".
"Savana you're the worst share the screen you screen hog. I mean your ass needs more than one screen to satisfy it".
"Hey guys come on no potty language here we're a family and- oh I give up continue just know that one day you're all going to need each other" Fanfiction writer John said as we hear an invisible car peeling away.
"Bitch go back to your own room this was NEVER ABOUT YOU IT WAS ABOUT CHAZ AND I WATCHING TITANIC AND MAYBE PLAYING STRIP TRUTH OR DARE BUT THAT'S OFF THE TABLE BECAUSE MY FAMILY'S A BUNCH OF CREEPERS!"
"Fine but you know what bye bye WIFI let's see you have your precious video call with dial up AOL style whore" Deidra said walking off to show Savana what dial up was.
"I've got the coordinates I'm logging off to prepare I suggest you do too" Aunt Millicent said leaving.
"I'm still scared and intrigued" Ted said as Ginger growled her face getting close to the camera.
"I SWEAR TO GOD TED IF YOU STICK YOUR PEEN IN HER BEAN I'LL BE ANGRY FOR LIKE A DAY AND THEN I WILL FORGIVE YOU BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO RAISE THESE BABIES BY MYSELF! THERE IS NOTHING THAT MAKES YOU FORGIVE MORE EASILY THAN THE THREAT OF SINGLE PARENTHOOD THREE KIDS!" Ginger said angry tears falling from her face.
"OK babe love you bye and you keep them love fires burning I'm looking for a little home cooking if you know what I mean".
Ted logged off as Ginger still crying looked at Savana needing to vent to somebody.
"I hate him fuck I wish he was here. I can not raise three kids by myself and it's only been three days".
"You deserve better Ginger there are plenty of uhh fishes in the sea and umm he's a jerk but ugh I can not take this conversation seriously John I love you and I know you love me too so let's go out tonight we can do anything you want" Wednesday said even considering changing her goth look for John.
"Wednesday no if you are going to start one of your famous pep talks just no I've gotta leave because I have a hungover daughter, a Disney obsessed daughter, and a son going on his first date with my best friends daughter to deal with".
"I'm bored you're boring. As much as I hate that bitch Millicent she's more interesting than all of you" Great Aunt Gladys said as Aunt Millicent showed up next to her.
"Thank you you're not so bad either. Shall we have another slippery nipple?" Aunt Millicent asked and Aunt Gladys agreed.
"Welp fires a blowin in my room Wednesday get the fire women and men I need them. And Kimmy and Anne pleasure as always" Thea said logging off.
"Uh huh ok give me a second I can stare at these abs for weeks, days, years, months John you've got abs that don't quit and I'm so glad you do" Wednesday said Midnight waving her paws in Wednesday's eyes.
"I see you guys Chaz I'm watching you son. Same time tomorrow? No more one on one chats for you guys I'm gonna share Wednesday's computer till she's married Wednesday stop staring at John's abs and log off right now" Bill said as Savana had an idea"
"OK we'll both log off at the count of three ready one two three. Well that takes care of that now let's skip Titanic and go straight to Strip Truth Or Dare" Savana said getting flash card and shuffling them.
"Sorry I took so long I had to grab a snack this one here looks delicious. Hey where'd everyone go? We didn't do the Brady Bunch" Deidra said Bill shirtless next to her as Savana had it up to here with her parents.
"They left so now you can too and leave us alone. For the love of God I beg you".
"There's only four of us the hell kind of Brady Bunch only has four people? Ok, ok Bill you go cook lunch or something I have an idea and it will work".
Shirtless Bill walked off Wednesday in her room video chatting John telling him to take his shirt off again and Bill shook his head.
"Great another girl bitten by the lovebug I'm so glad Elliot's a boy at least his lovebug gene isn't here yet he's only five".
Back in Deidra's bedroom we see Deidra smiling as Chaz and Savana hated the smile on her face and Savana knew it as the Long I have the best idea smile.
"Ok guys quick revision we're going to do Three's Company come on Sav it's you're fave".
"No we're not doing Three's Company you barely know the words just like Uncle Jessie on Full House now please mom leave us alone.
"Now what kind of mother would I be if I did that? Come and knock on our door ba da da da da we've been waiting for you. You gotta do the echo Savana that's how the theme works. Damn this whole damn video chat has been a waste of time. Why would you waste the last fourteen minutes of my life Savana? Fuck you" Deidra yelled logging off.
"Sooooooo strip Truth Or Dare huh I bet chiseled Trevor never played that with you" Chaz said as Savana and Chaz argued up in her room Savana hating her whole family.
Well the longest chapter I ever wrote lol 😊 I loved writing it and I'd like to thank Sam and Mickey on Youtube and as always my big fan Deidra for all her ideas and I'm writing the third chapter now hoping to have it up by the end of the week. Also R&R guys I love the replies.