I look at my son as soon as I hear the door closing. I see him taking the remote to switch channels. I walk to the couch. My son tilt his head a little to look at my face. "She's really stupid." "Don't you dare to say such things." I warn him as I point at him. "Come on, dad. I can see your frustrations when she's around. I'm quite sure you find her stupid too… you just don't want to admit it or see it." I sit down on the couch with a deep sigh. He looks back at the tv. "Why you act like this now, son? I'm with Brit for almost a year." Bryan inhales deeply and lays the remote on the table. "Look around you, dad, what do you see?" I look around and I see how clean everything is. How fancy the living room is. How rich it all looks. Britney has been decorating the whole house as soon as she moved in. I never thought much of it because I'm not that much at home. Bryan watches me. I drew out a deep breath through my nose.

"See, you finally start to see it, she's horrible. She tries to be my mother, but she's not interested in my life. I won't ever see her as my stepmother, and you can't make me to like her." I look at his face. I can see how serious he is about this. I didn't reply to it as I'm only thinking about his words. Have I really been living in another world unconsciously? I try to think about the last months. My son is watching me. "Dad… I miss the real you." I look at his face. I can see how he feels about the whole situation. I've never had a good talk with my son about my relationship. I sit back, stretching my back a little. My son copies me as he looks at the tv again. The only sound is coming form the tv right now.

"I miss your little jokes, even your puns. I miss how we always could talk about football as if we were there in real. I even miss that rancher part of yours. You're not being yourself because of her, and I don't think that marrying her will change it. I think it will make everything worse." I keep listening to my son while I think about it. He's right, I've not been myself since the Bachelor last year. Maybe even since we've moved to LA. That show did a lot to me mentally, and I must have been so blind, but I can't dump Britney now. We just announced our engagement. I inhale deeply through my nose. My son is looking at the tv again. I think about my parents and about the rest of my family.

"I can't end it now, son, the media won't leave us alone when they hear that I'm engaged today and tomorrow I'll be single again." Bryan inhales deeply. "I understand, dad, but I don't think you'll ever dump her anyway, you're afraid to be alone." "That's not it… I've been alone half my life. I never had much until I got the opportunity to come to LA eleven years ago. You were still a baby and your mother had left us. That was when I discovered her cheating and lying. When I got the offer, my first thought was that I could start all over again here, with you. Giving you a good life."

"What do you mean?" I start to smile as I look at him. "My family works hard for the money they earn. I used to work hard on the ranch too, my cousins work… or worked at the ranch as well. Just like your aunt and uncles. The ranch is my father's pride, if he would lose it, he will die." I think about my childhood again, I smile about the good memories. "When I was six, I dreamed of having my own ranch." I whisper as I look at the table, it's made of glass and it looks too clean. "Why has that dream disappeared?" I didn't look at him as I keep staring at the table. I know he's curious, I wish I had told him everything already. "I discovered dancing when I was about eight. I love it ever since. My mother could see how much I love it, she encouraged me to pursue a career in it. Dad didn't really agree with her, they had a lot of fights about me. Dad even called me a sissy boy."

"But they love you." I turn my head a little, so I can look at him. I see his smile. I smile back and look at the tv. They're talking about the game. "I love them too, but I never was good in showing that to them. When I went to Juilliard. Ma wished me all the luck, but dad was nowhere to be seen. It still hurts when I think about that moment." Bryan turns a little. I sit myself a little straighter, he lays his arms around me. I smile as I softly rub his back. "I haven't seen much of them ever since I left. The last time was five years ago."

"We should visit them more often." He let me go. "Yeah, I've not been a good son the last decade. I should change that." I see how his face cracks into a bright smile. I couldn't help but chuckle a little. "And it would be a good test for Britney. She will hate it there, and my family will test her out." Bryan laughs about it. I'm sure Britney will not be having a good time. She never has met my family, but I'm sure they're not her kind of people. "You want to order McDonald's?" He nods and takes his phone. I will never understand why people want smartphones, but of course I've got one too because Britney made me buy one. "I'm gonna change my clothes, be right back."

I went upstairs to my bedroom. Upon opening my wardrobe, I look at my clothes. I notice how all my shirts, pants and even my jeans are from expensive designers. I haven't been standing still until just now that I've been buying designer clothes. I normally don't care about any of that. How in the world did my wardrobe became so tidy? I see all neatly folded staples, sorted by the different type of clothes. I see my shorts, trying to decide which one to put on. I lift about half the staple up when I notice something in the back of the shelf. I lay the shorts down on another shelf while I keep looking in the wardrobe. I try to see what it is, but only can see fabrics. I reach out and pull the fabrics to the front.

My eyebrows went up when I see they're my old clothes. Not the clothes I used to wear when I worked at Kellerman's or the dance school in East LA. No, these are the clothes from when I was young, from before and during Juilliard. I try to remember when I've been putting them in the back of my wardrobe, but I can't. I do remember that Britney told me she gave my old clothes to charity. I thought she meant these old clothes. I take my blue flannel shirt and hold it up in front of me. A memory wash over me. My mind spins as I think about that moment. I start to smile unconsciously while my fingers play with the shirt. This has always been special to me, it's my favorite shirt. How in the world did I ever forgot about this? I look at the other clothes. My old jeans, I see the holes in them as I keep smiling.

I turn my head and see my suitcase. I look back at the clothes and think. Why shouldn't I take them with me? I lay the clothes on the bed. As I lift my suitcase up, so I can lay it down to open it, my mind still tries to recollect the memories from the past. I look at my clothes in the suitcase, then I look at my old clothes and smiles. "You're going with me." I'm talking to myself as I take the designer clothes out. I lay my old clothes in the suitcase, arranged my boots a little as well before I lay my designer clothes back in the suitcase. After I closed the suitcase, I take my shirt and pants off. I throw them in the laundry basket as I turn to my wardrobe. I take my sweatpants shorts and put it on. I look for my jersey from the Seattle Seahawks.

"Hmm." As I look in the mirror and turn myself so I can see my side profile. I turn back and lift my jersey up. I look at my abs. "You're skinny." I know that will mom say when she sees me. I think about dad and I wonder how he will react when he sees me. Last time we spoke, he wasn't all too happy. I let my jersey go as I inhale deeply. I check the time and went back downstairs. Bryan looks at me and starts to smile when I walk into the living room. "Nice jersey, dad." I look down at my jersey and back up with a smile. "Thanks, son, you're looking good too." Bryan chuckles. The doorbell went off.

I walk to the front door. "You've ordered McDonald's?" I look at the boy with a smile. I can see he's still very young. "Yeah, sec." I went to get my wallet. "Are you Johnny Castle?" I turn my head to look at him. "That's me." "Cool! Can I ask you something?" I nod as I went to him with the money. He hands me the bag with the food. "Have you always wanted to be a dancer?" I see his curiosity while I think about the question. "Not always. I've discovered dancing when I was eight. What about you, boy? What do you want to be?" I see his smile widen. I start to chuckle about his face. "I want to be a professional ballroom dancer. I dance since I was four and it's my dream ever since." My eyebrows went up. I didn't expect that answer. He starts to grin when he sees my utterly surprised face.

"What's your name?" I'm getting curious. "Fred, sir, Fred Smit." "It's nice to meet you Fred. How often do you dance?" I see his smile disappearing. He turns his face away with a sigh. "Are you okay?" He looks back at me. I think I know why he reacts like this. "My mother can't afford my lessons anymore, so now I'm working to pay for them myself." I give a little nod of understanding. I know exactly how he feels. "How old are you?" I watch him putting the money in his pocket and taking the change out of his other pocket. "I'm fifteen, sir." I think about my own son, and how fortunate he is. I open my wallet again and Fred looks at me, he becomes curious again. I take my business card out and hand it out to him.

I see him looking at it. He looks back at me. "Here, take it. I can help you, but I would love to see you dance first." I see him making big eyes as he takes the business card. "Really?" He asks in disbelieve. "Yeah, I can teach you and get you into the best colleges when you graduate from high school." I smile. He reaches the change money out, but I refuse to take it. "Keep it, it's for you. Put it in your piggy bank." He starts to smile again. "Thank you, should I call you?" He holds up the card. I can see he's excited. "You can, but I'm not at home next week. Call me in about a week, okay?" He nods and puts the card in his pocket. "Thank you so much." He nearly whispers as I see his admiration for me. "Keep it safe, okay? Don't show it to others, only your mother." He nods again. "Off you go, have a great evening." I give him a smile. "You too, sir." I watch him turn and walking to his bicycle.

With still having a smile on my face, I turn as I close the door. I walk into the living room and see my son smiling at me. I put the bag down on the table before I sit myself back down next to him. "What are you smiling about, son?" Bryan leans forward and opens the bag. "I heard you talking to the boy." I look at him and see he's still smiling. "Is that why you're smiling?" I take my bigmac and open the package. "Yeah, because you did sound like the dad I'm used to have." I listen to him as I take the burger and hold it up. He watches me as I try to hold it correctly. "Easy, dad." Bryan chuckles about my clumsiness. I take a bite and I close my eyes.

"That good, huh?" I nod at his question only. I take another bite, trying not to make any mess. "Sounds crazy, but I've missed these tastes." Bryan laughs about it. I look at him and couldn't help but chuckle. "Good to know." He takes the remote and turns the volume up. The game is about to start. "Look, Russell." Bryan points at the tv. The audience clearly chanting Russell's name. "I heard his contract is ending with the Seahawks." Bryan looks at me for a second. "They've offered him a new contract for four years. I hope he signs."

The game is really good. It feels truly good to do this with my son again. I truly have missed these moments. Shouting at the tv together, cursing at the referee, rooting for the team. The intermission starts. After the commercial, the news came on. We see Anton sitting behind his desk with a smile. He talks about the news and then about my engagement. They've been cutting a few things. Britney is also more on the foreground than I am, I inhale deeply through my nose. "She's not going to like it in Pampa." I look at my son for a second and try to smile. I didn't reply to him. I'm starting to wonder what I ever see in her to begin with. I think about my time at Kellerman's, how the many bungalow bunnies are actually the same as Britney. A feeling of disgust starts to creep up in my stomach. Then I remember Penny's words. You've always sought acceptance from others, but as long as you keep going to the bungalow bunnies you can't ask for others to accept you. Start accepting yourself first, and then others will accept you too.

Bryan looks at me, he sees me thinking deeply. "What are you thinking of, dad?" I blink a few times and look at him. "I just got a memory coming up, from a conversation I had years ago with Pen." I see him getting curious. "How long is it ago that you've seen her?" I think about that. "The last time was when you were about three. I remember it as I just got famous, I needed to be in New York for an interview for an article in People's magazine. She told me that she would love to see me more often again, but she lives there, and I live here." "Why don't you seek contact with her again?" "I don't know, I've been so busy with work that it has slipped away. I know it's not a good excuse, but that's actually what happened." Bryan drinks on his soda while we look at the tv. The match has started again. We watch the game in silence for a while, but nothing much is happening.

"Dad, did you ever had someone you love when you were my age?" I didn't give an immediate reply to his question as my mind sunk deep into my memories. I will never forget the girl that made my heart skip a beat, the only girl that made me feel like I'm at home. I wonder how she's doing and if she still lives in Pampa. Her father was or still is the doctor in town. It has been twenty years that I saw her the last time. "Dad?" I look at him and try to give him a smile. "You want to tell me?" There's so much I haven't told him about my past. When he was a toddler it all didn't seem to matter. He's a teenager now and it still doesn't matter to me to talk to him about my past, but I can imagine he has questions and he's curious about it. I close my eyes, thinking about my childhood. I drew in a deep breath through my nose, and let the air go out slowly through my mouth.

"Her name is Frances, but everyone called her Baby. She moved to Pampa when she was about ten." I can see her face clearly from the last time I saw her. I remember that she was upset about me leaving, but I never understood why. "How does she look?" I open my eyes so I can look at my son's face again. I can see that he has so many questions. "She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. I know Pampa isn't big, so when I was young there weren't as many girls as you have in your school. And when I saw her the first time at school, I just couldn't look at other girls anymore. She has brown curly hair, hazel eyes, and I fantasized a lot about her."

Bryan starts to chuckle about the last part. "Dad." I grin a little. I look at the tv again. "Was she your girlfriend?" I sigh deeply. "No, but I wish she were, it was because of someone. I'm not sure if I want to talk about this." I drink some soda and sit back in the couch. "Please tell me." I inhale deeply. "My cousin." I start. "Which one, Billy?" I shake my head. "No, Billy and I are close, I meant Jack." He nods as he keeps looking at me, I can see he wants to hear the story. "Jack's parents, they died when he was ten, they got killed during a bank robbery." I try to remember everything. "Jack came to live with us because uncle Paul couldn't take him in. Billy was a handful and they only lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Mom and dad had a few spare rooms, so they took him in. Ever since he moved in, he made a competition from everything." Bryan frowns a little. "With you?"

"With me. Like, who is best at football, or the best runner, or the best at games, who would get the girl quicker… he went so far that I felt left out on a certain moment." I inhale and hold my breath for a moment. We watch the tv and see that the team is losing. "Did he take Frances from you?" I look down as I think. "He made it look like that. Jack is really loved by the family and they didn't know about the bet he made with me." "What bet?" I turn a bit, laying my arm on the back of the couch. He watches me as he waits for me to go on with the story. "He made a bet, if he would win the yearly event games, he would take her to prom." "And if you would win, you would take her, right?" I nod as I look at his face. "That was the initial bet." "What happened?"

I take my soda and drink some. It's like my throat became instantly dry. "Well, I really wanted to go to homecoming with her. So, I was doing my best to win, I did take the bet really serious." Bryan smiles. "Did you win?" "I actually did. I won the football game, I won the dancing, of course. And I won the obstacle course." Bryan keeps watching my face. "When I wanted to go to her and ask her for homecoming, she told me that Jack already asked her before the games even started… and she had said yes to him." There's a tear that unconsciously escaped from my eye, I quickly rub it away. Somehow, it's still a sensitive subject. "I got into a fight with Jack. Dad had to pull us apart, of course I got the punishment and Jack got away with a lousy warning. It was always like that." I think about my last summer in Pampa, the summer before I went to New York.

"That summer was my worse summer I've ever had in my life. Watching my cousin going with her to homecoming, how they danced slowly, kissing even. The rest of the summer he took her out on dates and even came with her to the ranch to show off to me that he got the girl." I sniff and rub my nose a little. I feel that same pain in my chest again as I felt when I was seventeen. I don't know why, but it still hurts to talk about her. "I'm so sorry, dad, for you." "Don't be, it probably wasn't meant to be anyway." I look at the tv and see that the game has ended. They've lost with two points. Bryan looks at the tv and sighs. "Shame they didn't win, next year it's hopefully a better year." I stand up and he looks back at me. "I'll clean this up. Go to bed, we need to get up early." He stands up, then he turns to me and hugs me. I hug him back and close my eyes. "I love you, son." I give him a kiss on his head. "I love you too, dad, good night." He let me go and walks to the stairs. "Good night."

I clean the table and turn off the tv. I walk outside to the trash bin to throw the leftover food away. I look around in the garden, it's dark already but I can see the lights around the pond. I watch how clean the garden is and how big the pool is. I turn and look at the house, a big white house without any charm, just big, white and square. My son is right, this isn't who I am. I wonder why I wanted to live in such a house in first place. I walk back inside and lock the back door. Upon looking into the living room from the kitchen, I let out a deep and tiresome sigh. I turn off the lights and went upstairs to go to bed.