Someone once said with the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

Today he didn't agree with that.

Lucifer was barely able to sleep during the night. His mind kept fighting the images of the Detective coming back again and again, and the voices in his head whispering her name. And the few times he managed to drift into a sleep-like state he woke up again quickly from nightmares.

The nightmares had been haunting him for a long time, sometimes more, sometimes less. But whenever he thought too much about the Detective he could be sure to be visited by nightmares so gruesome that he wished he'd never gone to sleep.

In the early morning hours he gave up trying to find some sleep. The bed felt still cold as if it wanted to taunt him. Feeling uncomfortable, he decided to get up before the thoughts of last night would repeat.

Not sure what else to do he went to the couch and turned on the TV. Everything he saw was boring but that didn't matter. Everything was good as long as it kept his thoughts away from the Detective. He turned the volume louder and stared at the screen without really paying attention to what was going on.

He never went to work. After his conversation with Amenadiel, he had no idea how to face the Detective anymore. It was a mistake to show up in front of her. All he could think about was how he hurt her and how he should have stayed away from her.

At one point Lucifer felt empty from watching TV all day. He turned off the TV, got up from the couch, and went to his bar. It was already getting late and the sky outside started turning red, then dark blue, turning the inside of the penthouse into a dark place. He took a glass and a bottle of whiskey, then went to the piano.

Playing the piano usually had a soothing effect on him. When he focused on the music it was as if the notes were taking him to other places, far away from everything. But today it was hard for him to focus. Again and again he hit the wrong keys, disrupting his attempts to escape reality.

The first whiskey bottle was empty quickly and Lucifer went back to the bar to get more bottles. The more he drank, the easier it became to play. His fingers became more relaxed and were gliding over the keys skillfully, playing one sad song after the other. After a while, there were four empty bottles lined up on the piano and a fifth one was already half empty. Occasionally he would stop playing and drink a few glasses before going back to playing another song.

In moments like these, he wished he could just get drunk like ordinary humans. Drowning all the pain in alcohol seemed like such a great thing to do. Unfortunately for him, alcohol didn't have the same effect on him as on humans and the only pleasure he got from drinking was the taste. And even that didn't cheer him up at the moment.

"Bing."

Lucifer continued playing without looking up to the visitor coming to the penthouse. He didn't expect any guests tonight so whoever it was, they were most certainly not welcome.

"Hello, Lucifer." The female voice was calm and soft.

Lucifer's hands came down hard on the keys and abruptly ended the beautiful melody.

"Hello, Linda," Lucifer said with a fake smile that disappeared when he continued to speak. "I assume Amenadiel told you about the little chat we had yesterday?"

"He actually did," Linda replied, and came closer to the piano.

"And so now you're here to treat your poor, poor patient? Didn't I tell you that I no longer need your therapy sessions?"

"I'm here as a friend." She lifted her hand and pointed toward the empty bottles on the piano. "And I think you really need a friend right now."

Lucifer snorted and got up from the piano. He knew that Linda could be tough to deal with when she had set her mind on something and that he probably wouldn't get rid of her that easily. She and Amenadiel really fit well together in that regard.

He grabbed the half-empty bottle and another full one from the bar before he walked to the couch area and sat down.

"Please, Linda," Lucifer said while pointing to the couch on the other side, "have a seat."

Linda came closer and considered the options.

"I think it'll be better if I sit here, with you," she said, with her sight on the couch where Lucifer was sitting. "You know, like a friend."

"Very well then…" Lucifer replied and moved to the side so she could sit as well. He took two glasses that were standing on the table in front of them and poured in some of the whiskey. Without saying any words, each of them took a glass, but while Linda only sipped from it, Lucifer emptied his whole glass in one go and immediately grabbed the bottle to refill it. The silence went on for a while until Linda decided to break it.

"What's on your mind, Lucifer?" she asked in a soft tone.

"Well, I'm thinking that you disrupted the nice time I just had playing the piano."

"Nice time?" Linda lifted an eyebrow. "You don't look like you were having a nice time."

"Oh, really. And why would you think that?"

"You look pretty bad, Lucifer. Have you looked into a mirror today?"

Lucifer didn't reply. He had avoided mirrors and windows after seeing his reflection yesterday and was certainly not interested in changing this now.

Linda opened her handbag and started searching through it. She found a small flat item, opened it, and held it in front of Lucifer's face before he could protest.

Lucifer grimaced when he saw himself in the small hand mirror. His hair looked even more messed up than last night and his eyes looked tired from the lack of sleep. At least the bruise on his face was barely visible anymore.

"Well," Lucifer said and shrugged, "looks like I forgot to do my hair today."

"Lucifer, you don't have to pretend you're fine. I can clearly see you're not."

Lucifer looked away and grabbed the bottle to refill his glass. He then turned the glass around in his hand, staring at the golden liquid, lost in thoughts. He was fine. Right? Everything was alright. He was not thinking about the Detective anymore. The Detective… Chl… No. Lucifer downed the drink in one go and immediately refilled the glass. His hand was shaking when he put the glass back to his mouth.

"Lucifer, it's okay to tell me."

He slowly looked back at Linda. Not again. He didn't want a repeat of last night. He couldn't handle another conversation like the one he had with Amenadiel. And he couldn't handle the aftermath of it. He had to forget. Forget. Why couldn't she leave him alone?

Linda kept sitting there but didn't push him to talk again. Lucifer leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes, trying to relax. He had to find a way to make her leave. He couldn't talk about Chl… the Detective. But no matter how hard he tried to think about a solution, his mind was like a mess and not working at all. The only thing he could think about was Chlo… Chl… the Detective. Detective. She's the Detective.

He laughed out loud when he realized that he was not feeling better than last night at all. All the time he had spent today trying to forget about her was for nothing. She was still there, everywhere. His mind was filled with pictures of her. Chlo… No. No. His laughter died and a painful look appeared in his eyes.

"I think," he finally said without looking at Linda, "I made a huge mistake… again."

"And what is that?"

He slowly turned his face back to her, struggling for words.

"I… should have never shown myself to the Detective again."

"But you did it for a reason, right?"

Lucifer pondered over the question for a while. Until yesterday, he would have easily replied with "to protect her" but after what Amenadiel said to him, he didn't know anymore. Amenadiel was right, he could have protected the Detective without showing up around her. He was good at observing from the shadows, sneaking around people, and performing movements that normal humans were not able to.

"I guess I thought it would be the best way to protect her if I'm close around her," he replied with some hesitation. "But it seems I didn't consider how my behavior would make her feel."

"Sometimes we have the best intentions, but we overlook what implications our actions might have."

Lucifer didn't reply but his eyes showed the late realization of what he had done.

"I think," Linda continued, "you also had another reason to come into Chloe's life again."

"If you know so much, why don't you tell me, Doctor?" Lucifer emptied another glass and held it so tightly that it almost burst in his hand.

"I could tell you my opinion, but I think it's better if you figure this one out yourself."

"I thought this is not a damn therapy session."

"It is not. But I wanted to offer you a choice."

"I don't care about choices anymore. I don't have a choice."

"You always have a choice. You just need to consider all the options."

"Oh just leave me alone, Linda."

But Linda didn't leave. Several seconds went by with both of them remaining silent. The only thing that happened was Lucifer opening the next bottle and pouring one drink after the other. When the bottle was almost empty, he suddenly stopped the drinking and spoke without looking at Linda.

"Maybe… Maybe I wanted things to go back to how they were when we had just met. When we didn't have all these… problems. Maybe I wanted to try and see if this could work."

"But it's not exactly like in the beginning, right? You didn't push her away from you. You had always been interested in her."

Lucifer kept thinking about what Linda just said. She was right, this was not like it was in the beginning. Still, going back to a time before all the problems started sounded like a great idea.

"Let's assume you could go back," Linda said. "Let's assume that everything was like in the beginning, but you and Chloe never get very close and just keep things on a very superficial level. Is this what you really want?"

Lucifer turned his face to Linda and stared at her for several seconds, not sure what to say, not sure what he wanted.

Everything was so easy when he had just met the Detective. He was just his usual self, the marvelous, self-confident, fun-loving Devil who enjoyed his time on earth to the fullest. Solving crime cases had just added a new, exciting part to his life, and so did his teamwork with the Detective. Life was fun. Life was good.

But the closer he got to the Detective, the more he realized that something was missing.

That something had always been missing in his life.

There was a void in him, a void that he could never fill no matter what he did. Alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex, partying, … the list was long. And while these things could give him some pleasure for a moment, he felt an emptiness again once the rush was over.

But it was different with the Detective. She gave him something that he could never get before. Something that touched him deep inside and slowly filled the void he felt. Something that wasn't there in the beginning when they had met but only grew as they spent more and more time together. When they connected on a level that went far beyond all the superficial relationships he had with people before.

"No…" Lucifer said, realizing that this was not what he wanted. He didn't want to have a superficial relationship with the Detective. He didn't want to go back to a hollow life.

"Then what do you want?" asked Linda.

"I…" Lucifer couldn't continue speaking. Images of the Detective started appearing in his mind again, reminding him of the many wonderful moments they shared together. How they both played on the piano, how they danced together, how he spent evenings with her at her apartment. All the moments that seemed so small yet were of such significance to him.

He missed spending time with her. He missed her smile. He missed being close to her. He missed how she cared about him. He missed the Detective… No. He missed Chloe.

Chloe…

But this was not possible.

The only thing he truly wanted was impossible to obtain.

How could he be with her if it meant bringing her in danger? How could he be with her after what he did to her when he came back?

Still, she was everything that was on his mind. And always had been when he was gone in hell. She was the light that kept him going. The small hope that something would change for the better.

Chloe…

"I… want to be with her."

The words were a mere whisper. A feeling of panic rushed through his body when Lucifer realized that he had spoken them out loud.

"That's good, Lucifer." Linda smiled at him. "It's important to understand what you really want."

"It doesn't matter what I really want. I can't be with her."

"And why not?"

Lucifer sighed. "I'm pretty sure you've heard about the prophecy."

"I heard about it but I find it weird. Why is it happening only now?"

"It happens… because I found my first love."

"Well, yes, but why not earlier? It's been a while that you admitted your feelings for Chloe."

"We had never really spent much time together as a… couple." Lucifer almost couldn't say the last word. It was something that he didn't even dare imagine. "So we always averted it before it began."

"I don't remember you two being a couple when the demons came to earth."

Lucifer didn't know what to say. What Linda said was true. But something had to be different than before.

"As far as I know," Linda continued, "this prophecy was told by Father Kinley. The very same lunatic who tried to use everything and everyone to get you sent back to hell. Do you know what I think about it?"

She made a pause and Lucifer looked at her with a questioning look.

"I think this is all nonsense," she finally said. "And I don't understand why you believe in his words."

"But Linda, bad things did happen."

"Yes. And? How can you be sure it has anything to do with you and Chloe?"

"Then what about the situation now? There is a demon running loose and he could very well harm her or anyone else."

"You deal with it like with all other problems. But don't use these problems to deny yourself what you want."

For a few seconds, neither of them said a word. Lucifer stared at the table in front of him, not sure what to do anymore. Had he made another mistake? But everything seemed so real about the prophecy… even though it came from Father Kinley. Everything just seemed too real.

"I think… it's too late," he said after a while.

"Why?"

Lucifer remembered what Amenadiel told him about the Detective. He doubted that Amenadiel was lying to him and that it was true that she had had a very hard time because of him. He left her without telling her that he would ever come back. And then he did come back but treated her badly.

Suddenly, the moment in the observation room came to his mind. She had really surprised him there with her sudden questions and stubbornness, so much that he couldn't think clearly what to do. He remembered the panic he felt and how it must have shown in his eyes going by her reaction. It was something he bitterly regretted. He never wanted to scare her, never wanted to hurt her.

All he ever wanted was to protect her. But he was blinded by his thoughts of what was right and wrong. And instead of protecting what was important to him, he was ruining it. He could feel the tears rising in his eyes. It all seemed so hopeless.

Lucifer could sense a movement next to him but was too distracted by his emotions to fully pay attention. The next thing he noticed was Linda embracing him. He was taken by surprise by her action but didn't resist her arms.

"This is not something you usually do, Linda."

"Because it's not therapy," she replied. "Tonight I'm here as your friend."

A warm feeling filled his body as she spoke the words. The situation made him feel awkward but at the same time, it also made him feel much better.

"It's not too late, Lucifer," Linda said. "You can still fix this."

"I don't know how," he replied. "I think I've ruined too much this time. And the problem with hell isn't resolved as long as demons are crawling out of it. I still have to go there and don't know when or if I can come back."

Linda sat up to face Lucifer, her eyes looking soft.

"No one can tell you how to fix it exactly. This is something you have to figure out yourself. But the important part is that you need to talk to Chloe about it. And apologize to her. You don't have anything to lose at this point, right?"

Lucifer nodded. He was at a point where he could probably not make it much worse.

"Alright," he said and got up. "I'll go to her right now and—"

"Wait Lucifer." Linda held him back. "I don't think you should rush to do it. Give her a call first. Then both of you have a chance to get prepared to see each other."

"Okay." Lucifer sat back on the couch. Linda was probably right. Dropping by unexpectedly after what happened didn't seem like the best idea.

"I need to go home to Charlie now," Linda said and got up from the couch. "Good luck, Lucifer. If you need me, you know how to reach me."

"Thank you, Linda." Lucifer tried to smile.

When Linda left the penthouse he leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. His mind was full of the things she told him and he didn't know what to believe anymore.

Maybe he should just leave this place, leave everything behind. Continue to forget. But he quickly realized that he wouldn't be able to forget.

He had to talk to the Detective. And make things right… Whatever "right" was. He had no idea what to tell her. But he had to say something.

Lucifer went to the bedroom and looked for his phone. He had to call the Detective before he lost his determination.

He went back to the couch with the phone and poured himself another drink. And a second one. And a third one. His hand was shaking nervously when he grabbed the phone again. He took a deep breath and scrolled through his contact list when a sudden realization hit him.

The Detective was not on the list.

Lucifer let out a groan and threw the phone on the table. Of course she was not on the list. His old phone was lost somewhere in hell, with no way for him to find it. He had to get a new one when he came back to earth and still hadn't gotten the Detective's number again.

For a second he considered going to her place but then he remembered what Linda told him. Not a good idea. Lucifer sighed and leaned back on the couch. Tomorrow. He would go to the precinct tomorrow and ask her to talk about it. He would make things right.