Insane Nine
"You need to apologize to Deidara." Sasuke tells Naruto in what he thinks is his gentlest voice. "You acted like a complete moron yesterday."
"Tell me something I don't know." Naruto mutters petulantly.
"Okay," Sasuke doesn't get the sarcasm. "Itachi wants to knife you. He has never seen a uke behave so disrespectfully before, let alone a bride from our family."
"I will apologize to him too."
"Don't ever insult Deidara again. The last person who called him a bitch woke up with his liver missing."
"I am sorry." Naruto looks ready to cry. "How many times do I have to apologize?"
"Just once." Sasuke says, "But make it look real. Like you actually mean what you are saying."
"I can't do that." Naruto crosses his arms defensively. "I was doing what's best for the baby."
"By preventing an imaginary abortion? You should have gotten your facts straight before you behaved like that." Sasuke's lips twitch in a telltale sign that he is fighting back a smile. "You threatened to kidnap Deidara."
"I did not." Naruto grumbles. "I was just offering him an alternate lifestyle."
"Where you and Deidara," Sasuke says while simultaneously fighting every instinct in his body to burst out laughing, "were going to raise a child together, without a seme present to protect you." The mental image of two sensual blonds shacking up is as ridiculous as it is sexy.
"I don't need you or your bastard brother's protection." Naruto's tone is challenging, "I am perfectly capable of taking care of Deidara and the baby by myself."
"Dobe," Sasuke wants to cover his face with both hands and giggle, "If you run away to raise a child with my brother's wife, Deidara would end up having to protect you."
"Whatever," Naruto shrugs, "We would still be better off without you and your bastard brother to bother us."
"My brother is an excellent husband. Deidara worships him."
"Because he doesn't know any better." Naruto says, "One week with me, and he will forget all about the bastard."
"Is that so." An unexpected voice interrupts the conversation.
Naruto is horribly startled at Itachi's sudden presence, but refuses to show it. "Speak of the asshole and he appears."
"Naruto," Sasuke starts in a warning voice, "You are supposed to be apologizing."
"Yeah yeah," the small blond rolls his eyes, "Sorry I insulted you and your wife. I promise not to run away with Deidara and raise your child myself."
The shift in Itachi's blank expression is absolutely miniscule, but Sasuke reads it loud and clear: I want to knife Naruto but I can't.
"You looked so pissed yesterday," Naruto continues, oblivious, "It's like you wanted nothing to do with the baby."
"Deidara and I have been trying to conceive for years." Itachi remains remarkably civil, "we want this child more than anything."
"Well than act like it." Naruto bites out. "No need to be such an ice queen all the time."
"Very well, Naruto." Itachi says, neutrally. "Any other changes you would like to request on my person?"
The sarcasm is lost on the small blond. "You have grotesque wrinkles on your face. You should consider botox." Naruto says seriously.
Sasuke chokes on his own laughter. He just can't help it. The sight of his cute little dobe insulting Itachi's appearance is just too damn much.
Itachi to his credit doesn't lose composure, just continues staring in that typical blank way of his.
"You are pretty," Naruto shrugs, "But the monstrous tear troughs have got to go."
"I love Itachi sama's face, un." A new voice joins the conversation.
"You have to." Naruto mumbles. Suddenly very, very quiet.
Fascinating.Itachi's curiosity is peaked. He dares talk to me in such a frank tone, and yet my helpless uke of a wife scares him half to death.
"Phone for you, un." Deidara smiles sweetly at Naruto. "It's your mother."
Naruto quickly leaves the room. His husband tries to follow him, but is stopped. "I would like to speak with you, Sasuke."
Itachi raises an eyebrow. The usual easy breezy lightness in Deidara's tone is missing.
Sasuke freezes at the request. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong Sasuke, at least not yet."
Both brothers exchange a meaningful look.
"I am sorry I interrupted breakfast, un." Deidara lowers his eyes in shame. "And I thank Sasuke for protecting me."
"Itachi would do the same for Naruto." Sasuke smirks.
Itachi wrinkles his nose in a telltale sign of anger. I would like to knife Naruto.
"It was your first day as a wedded couple, and all the tension I created didn't help." Deidara continues to confess his guilt.
"My nephew or niece is healthy. I can't ask for anything else." Sasuke says kindly.
Such a response in Sasuke, along with the boy's excellent physical condition indicates that his mating with Naruto was a success. The boy has shrugged the cloak of sociopathy and wears his emotions much more naturally. Itachi remembers his own mating and how much it changed him, but to witness it in his baby brother is truly amazing.
"You haven't told Naruto about your demon, un." Deidara says suddenly.
Itachi raises an eyebrow. "Sasuke? Is this true?"
"Yes." Sasuke's ability to feel human emotions has been revived. The surge of guilt he feels at deceiving his bride is clearly evident on his face. Itachi makes a mental note to teach his brother how to hide his inner thoughts better.
"Itachi sama told me all about his family situation, and the demon living inside him, before I became his wife, un." Deidara continues in a gentle tone. "Why didn't you do the same?"
"Naruto would have never agreed to marry me."
"You don't know that." Itachi says, "Deidara didn't mind my demon."
"You two had been dating for a year." Sasuke argues. "You tricked Deidara into running away with you."
"Itachi sama didn't trick me into anything." Deidara pouts. "I ran away with him because I love him, un."
"Naruto doesn't have that kind of attachment to me." Sasuke looks hurt. His emotions are easily bared. "I don't want him to leave me because I told him the truth about our psycho family."
"He will find out sooner or later." Itachi wants to protect his brother from losing his bride. "Better he learn from you than somewhere else. As hard as our family tries to keep our curse a secret, outside sources do know what's really going on. And not all of them are as friendly as Kakashi."
"Speaking of Kakashi," Deidara says, "his wedding present came in just an hour ago. I didn't open it, but it looks heavy, un."
"He disappeared around the same time Sasuke and Naruto did." Itachi narrows his eyes. "It's because he knew we would make him clean up after the guests."
"Minato asked about him," Deidara says softly. "When I told him Kakashi had left, he looked crushed."
"They haven't spoken to each other in fifteen years." Itachi muses, "Awfully long time to continue a fight."
"Iruka was mad. His date didn't even stick around for half an hour." Deidara adds.
"Can we please talk about my problem?" Sasuke says, "Kakashi's issues will take a lifetime to sort out."
"You have to tell Naruto," Itachi says, "Now."
"He will leave me." Sasuke shakes his head, as if the very thought scares him. "You don't know Naruto. The dobe is pure fire. He won't conform to society's rules. He will walk out of my life forever."
Itachi addresses Deidara. "He was planning on eloping with you and raising our child by himself."
"I don't know what's going to happen today, but generally speaking, no uke wants to walk away from a marriage. Even one as fiery as Naruto."
Sasuke shakes his head. "He will divorce me. I know it. He won't tolerate such deception."
"You don't know that." Itachi says, "The boy cares for you. He took a substantial risk by marrying a complete stranger, especially one with your reputation. He deserves to know the truth."
"He will leave me."
"It's your responsibility to keep that from happening. Your bride is now the center of your universe."
"Mommy," Naruto picks up a phone and yells out excitedly.
"I can hear you just fine Naruto." Kushina laughs at her son's exuberance. "No need to destroy my ears."
"Sorry." Naruto whispers.
"No need to be so quiet either."
"What's with all the volume control?"
"Sorry Naruto." Kushina chuckles. "It's just so strange hearing your voice on the phone. I have never had to call you before. You were always something of a housecat."
Naruto can hear the sadness. His mother is deeply upset at his leaving and it is horribly clear. She is pretending to be happy for her son's sake. "I miss you too, mom."
"Your father is packing up your room." Kushina pretends as if she didn't just hear her baby boy's confession. "He won't let anyone touch your things. He wants to deliver them himself."
Naruto smiles softly. "I miss him too."
"You are his only son," Kushina says, unable to contain the sorrow from her voice, "And now he's lost you to a group of criminal psychopaths."
"No he hasn't." Naruto says firmly, "I need you to stay calm."
"How was your wedding night?" Kushina asks quietly. "Did he hurt you?"
"No," Naruto replies honestly, "He could have but he didn't."
"Good."
"He is a bastard." Naruto smiles cheekily. "He needs me in his life."
"Don't talk about your husband with such disrespect, Naruto." Kushina sounds very afraid all of a sudden. "He isn't in the room, is he?"
"No," Naruto pouts, "It doesn't matter if he was; I am not scared of that bastard."
"You should be." Kushina scolds. "He owns you, in every sense of the word."
"You are not afraid of daddy."
"Well," Kushina says fondly, "I am not a uke, and your daddy isn't an Uchiha. He is a sweet blond who gets upset when people get paper cuts. Your husband can't compare to mine."
"Well," Naruto shoots back, "My husband is filthy rich."
"Mine has a killer smile."
"Sasuke has a pretty smile too," Naruto argues, "You just haven't seen it."
"Smiling during sex doesn't count." Kushina teases. "He has to be nice all the time."
"You are shameless." Naruto turns red at his mother's words.
"Oh Naruto," Kushina sounds sad again. "You are blushing again, aren't you. And I don't even get to see it. I am really going to miss you."
"I got married," Naruto says, "I didn't die."
A gasp is heard, "Naruto, don't you dare say those words again."
"I don't like it when you are sad."
"Well, I have every right to be. I am a mother who just gave her baby away. And what I am feeling is nothing compared to your father. I caught him crying in the bathroom this morning."
There is a painful shift in Naruto's chest. "Daddy was crying."
"You are his most precious person in the world, Naruto. It will be very hard for him to accept your moving away forever."
"You are still going to see me all the time."
"Well," Kushina really doesn't care if she sounds selfish. "We are not going to see you every day. And we don't like it."
Naruto whines, "You are the one who wanted me to get married. You said that uke over a certain age are considered prostitutes."
Kushina hates it when her own words are used in an argument against her. "Well, I take it all back. Please just come home."
"You sound like a baby."
"Your father and I are perfectly okay with you staying with us forever. We don't care if people call you a prostitute."
"What if something happens to you? Who will take care of me then?"
"Sasuke can take over at our funeral." Kushina sounds as if she has it all figured out. "We don't have any objection to him in death."
Naruto laughs, "I don't think Sasuke will agree to that."
"Minato will kick his ass."
"I don't want daddy hurting my husband."
"We are coming over with your things tonight." Kushina sounds a lot happier than she did when this conversation began. "Tell Sasuke to get ready for the beating of his life."
"Sasuke's bastard brother will protect him." Naruto says. "He is even stronger than my husband."
"Your father can take them both on." Kushina giggles, "And he has me for backup."
Naruto tries to imagine his parents fighting the Uchiha brothers, and comes up with a frighteningly gory mental picture. "Try not to start a fight, for my sake."
"Your father is in a very bad mood. He is curled up in your bed, going through your baby pictures. I definitely think there is going to be a fight tonight."
"Tell your husband to not kill my husband." Naruto begs his mother, "It will make me look bad. Sasuke should at least survive being married to me for a week before he dies. And don't forget my orange blanket. The one with all the little foxes on it."
"Aww, Naruto. Please let me keep your baby blanket." Kushina sighs sadly, "Your rich husband can buy you lots of fancy silk blankets."
"Not a chance." Naruto says firmly. "I love that blanket. I don't wanna live without it."
"I will give you the blanket if you leave Sasuke and come home."
"You told me to get married," Naruto wants to throw up his hands in defeat. There is just no winning with his mother. "And I got married. Now you want me to leave my husband. I don't understand what your angle is, mom, but you better stop messing with my head."
"You sound just like your father when you say that."
Naruto sighs at how small his mother's voice sounds. "I can't come home, mommy. Sasuke needs me." The angel of his dreams needs Naruto to take care of him.
"You can't blame me for trying to get you back." Kushina says, "The Uchiha don't have a good reputation. God knows how they will treat you."
Naruto rolls his eyes. "I will kick Sasuke's ass if he hurts me. That's a promise."
"I won't let your father kill Sasuke if you let me keep your blankie."
"Fine." Naruto pouts. His mother has way too much control over him. That much is obvious. "But you have to promise to control daddy. I don't want him to break someone's neck or something."
"I make no promises." Kushina says, "Your father is not happy."
"My parents are coming tonight," Naruto says to Sasuke, "to drop off my things. My father is missing me a lot right now, and might try to kill you."
"Thanks for the warning," Sasuke says blankly, "My brother wants to kill you."
"He is a bastard," Naruto shrugs, "I expect nothing else."
"Naruto," Sasuke's tone is solemn, "We need to talk."
"Are you breaking up with me?" Naruto jokes, "'Cause that's fine. My parents want me back home. They have definitely changed their mind about this marriage."
"You are not going anywhere," Sasuke snaps and all of a sudden, the temperature of the room drops considerably making Naruto shiver. "You belong by my side."
"I was just kidding." Naruto shudders despite himself.
"Well don't." Sasuke's throat feels as if he has just swallowed crushed glass. "I don't like it." My demon will kill us all.
"Okay," Naruto says slowly. "Sasuke, what's the matter."
"Do you remember the day we met?"
"You mean four weeks ago?" Naruto says dryly, "Yes Sasuke. My memory is capable of thinking back that far."
"I asked you to marry me, and you said yes." Sasuke lowers his eyes, "Without really knowing what you were saying yes to."
"I agreed to be your mate." Naruto shrugs. He knows what a big mistake he has made by marrying the heir to a family of godless machines, but what's done is done. No reason to look back and cry over spilt milk.
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know enough." Naruto smiles. "You are the angel of my dreams."
Sasuke stares at his beautiful bride in silence.
"You called out to me," Naruto remembers his nightmares and shivers even more than the sudden chill in the air is making him, "And I had no way of helping you."
Sasuke ignores the nauseated feeling he is getting and chokes out the following words, "That was my demon's doing."
Naruto freezes.
Sasuke keeps talking on autopilot. "Every single male born inside the Uchiha family has a demon inside him. My father, Itachi, my cousins..."
"And you." Naruto finishes his husband's sentence for him. "You have one too."
"Yes." Sasuke feels something inside him break at Naruto's betrayed impression. "I have one too."
"What's he like." Naruto asks. "Why did you hide him from me?"
"He's a demon!" Sasuke exclaims. "He is a psychotic void that threatens to consume me at every breath I take."
"Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Me. About. Him." Naruto bites out every word. "How dare you keep something like this from me?"
"I was afraid you wouldn't marry me." Sasuke confesses.
"You have the worst reputation in Konoha," Naruto shakes his head, "My parents don't want me to be with you, everyone has warned me not to make the mistake of marrying you. And yet I did anyway."
"I thought the demon thing would be too much to handle."
Naruto lets out a sad, bitter laugh. "Nothing will ever be enough. You could tell me that you like to eat children for lunch and I would still want to be with you. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me."
"You are my mate," Sasuke explains. "Your instincts don't want to reject me."
"I don't know why this is happening to me." Naruto shakes his head sadly. "I used to be a happy, ordinary person. And then I started having dreams, and met you. And then I mated with some demon."
"No," Sasuke kneels in front of Naruto. "The demon is inside me. I am not a demon."
And then Naruto says the most painful words any mate could ever say. "How do I know you are not lying to me?"
Sasuke keeps his mouth shut, it's better to let Naruto yell at him as much as he wants.
"How do I know you are not pretending to be human? Your family is so fucking perfect." Naruto sneers. "You all break every single law and never get caught. Obviously it's demonic influence."
"Or bribery." Sasuke's lips curl up. "Money speaks better than demons ever could."
Naruto looks away in disgust. "Either way, it's clear this was a mistake. I have given my life away to a demon."
"Dobe," Sasuke wants to take the hurt and pain in Naruto's voice away, but doesn't know how, "Try to understand..."
"What other secrets are you keeping from me?" Naruto has never felt so frustrated in his entire life, "I am giving you one last chance to open up to me."
"I will tell you everything you need to know." Sasuke says. "There is no reason to hide anything from you anymore."
"You didn't even give me a damn choice." Naruto wants to cry and sob and yell. "Everyone always wants to make decisions for me, and you are no different."
"I am sorry." Sasuke is willing to apologize a thousand times if he has to. "Just give me a chance to…"
"I gave you every chance I possibly can." Naruto's gaze is unflinching. "I gave you everything I have. How dare you keep any secrets from me."
"There will never be any secrets ever again." Sasuke promises.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Naruto sounds so hurt, and the guilt Sasuke feels is so strong that for a sudden, the raven is rendered paralyzed from the intensity of the emotion. It's too powerful for words.
"Everyone has warned me about you." Naruto's pained blue eyes seem to be staring right through Sasuke. "Turns out they were right. Your family is filled with demons. That's the secret to your beauty and your power, demons."
"Naruto..."
"Give me one reason why I should stay." Naruto has no sympathy for Sasuke at this moment. "What's keeping me from walking out that door right now?"
"I can't live without you." If Sasuke has ever spoken the truth in his entire life, then it's now.
Naruto narrows his eyes. "It's all about you isn't it? My feelings, my happiness doesn't matter. Sasuke's world revolves around Sasuke."
"I am sorry." Sasuke is back to pathetically apologizing again, and Naruto's cold eyes get even colder. "I should have told you, but I didn't want to. I wasn't in my right mind. I…"
"No excuses, Sasuke," Naruto snaps, "Just answers. I want answers."
"That's what I am trying to explain to you." Sasuke tries again. "My family is cursed."
"Cursed?" Naruto's eyes widen. "You are cursed? There is a curse?" Hinata was right about these assholes."Sasuke Uchiha, are you telling me I married into a cursed family?"
"The Uchiha have a natural talent for pissing people off," Sasuke uses Naruto's stunned silence to his advantage, "We get that from our oldest known ancestor, Madara Uchiha. The bastard pissed off someone very powerful. The curse has been passed on for generations."
"Our baby will be cursed?" Naruto looks close to tears. "Oh god, what the fuck did I marry into?"
"We are all born with demons inside us," Sasuke ignores the devastated look and continues. "The curse is designed to maximize our chances of death. Most Uchiha never find their mates. And a lot of us who do can't hold on to them…"
"I have a lot of thinking to do." Naruto says. "I can't look at you right now."
"Dobe," Sasuke says as Naruto gets up, "Just let me explain…"
"I can't believe you did this to me." Naruto starts walking, "I should divorce you for this."
Sasuke doesn't appreciate the excruciating shriek that rings in his ears at Naruto's words.
"You are a bastard!" Naruto starts running, he doesn't care where he is going, or if he gets lost in the giant mansion. Tears blur his vision. Even the stinging pain in his bottom, which is a consequence of the wedding night, doesn't deter him from sprinting. Sasuke's very presence is disgusting.
"Stop it, Naruto," Sasuke chases after his bride. His superior speed doesn't help, but his nose does. Naruto's scent stops at the master bedroom.
"Dobe," Sasuke calls out, "We will both get in trouble. Get out of there this instant."
Naruto sniffles, and without noticing Itachi, who is sitting near the fireplace, or Deidara himself, who is fast asleep on the bed, runs into the bathroom and locks the door.
Itachi raises an eyebrow at the closed bathroom door, and the sobbing which can now be heard.
Sasuke screams outside. "I will leave you alone, Naruto, I promise. Just come out of there."
Itachi opens the door and places a hand over Sasuke's mouth. "Not one more word out of you. Deidara is asleep."
"I am sorry." Sasuke whispers against Itachi's hand. "I didn't know he would run in here."
"Naruto," Itachi says, his teeth gritted, "Like his husband, is not very intelligent."
"I told him the truth," Sasuke says, "Like you told me to."
"And he didn't react well," Itachi's says mockingly, "I am shocked. Why wouldn't a boy want to be mated to a demon?"
"I will have him out of your hair in no time." Sasuke promises. "Just let me…"
"Leave him alone." Itachi rolls his eyes at Sasuke's panicked expression. "Let him cry. He needs space."
"I am not leaving him in your bathroom."
"Let him calm down." Itachi steps outside and closes the door behind himself, gently, to not disturb his resting bride.
"I fucked up." Sasuke doesn't know how to deal with all these feelings. Before mating, the demon didn't let him feel a single thing, his emotions were practically non-existent. This humanityis painful to deal with. "He is never going to forgive me. He is too angry."
"You are dealing with a very strong-spirited boy." Itachi starts to lead Sasuke away from his bedroom. "You have to be careful."
"His father is coming over tonight." Sasuke wants to cry himself. "He will murder me, and take his son with him."
Itachi sighs. He is a new father. He shouldn't have to deal with a homicidal blond. "Don't worry about Minato. Naruto is enough of a problem for now."
"I am going to die." Sasuke is very afraid of his father-in-law. He hasn't felt fear in such a long time, the feeling is genuinely disconcerting. "He is going to kill me."
"Like I said," Itachi tries to calm Sasuke. "Naruto is enough of a challenge. Minato shouldn't even be on your radar."
"Naruto is going to be a widow." Sasuke says, "Make sure he's taken care of."
Naruto whimpers in the giant tub, angry and frustrated. His angel lied to him. His angel isn't even an angel. Fucking demon.Naruto thinks, hurt. He is a demon.
The bathroom is beautiful and soothing. Naruto plans on staying here until he dies. I am never going outside. Let stupid Sasuke rot in hell.
Tears fall down liberally. Naruto knows all about Sasuke's past, the drugs, the alcohol, the whoring around. And still he lowered his standards for Sasuke. The demon is just one more thing piled on top of the many things which make Sasuke imperfect. The fact that Sasuke withheld information is what stings the most.
I am going home tonight.Naruto suddenly vows to himself; the plan to spend his life in the bathroom forgotten. Daddy will take me home. Fuck Sasuke and his stupid demon. They can live happily ever after without me.
Deidara wakes in his bed, alone. Itachi is nowhere in sight. The blond stretches luxuriously. The baby may be making him tired, but the nap is worth it. I feel so good.He thinks to himself.
It's time for lunch, and Deidara plans on going downstairs, after a quick trip to the bathroom. When the blond tries to open the door, he finds it to be locked. Thinking it to be his husband, he is surprised when he hears quiet sobbing from the other side of the door.
For a millisecond, Deidara thinks the impossible, and his eyes widen. Is Itachi sama crying?But quickly dismisses that notion. No way in hell."Who is it?" There have been instances of young maids locking themselves in rooms because of Kisame's yelling, but this is the first time a servant has been bold enough to do it in the master bedroom. "Come out, un." Deidara implores the maid. "Lock yourself in another room. Don't make me fire you."
An annoyed and extremely frustrated scream startles Deidara. No maid has ever dared to behave this way before. "You are so fired, un."
"Go away!"
"Naruto?" Deidara's tone immediately softens. "Why are you locked in the bathroom? Are you crying, un?"
"I want to be alone." Naruto yells. "Go somewhere else."
"It's my bathroom, un." Deidara says, exasperated. "I kinda have a right to use it."
Silence on the other side of the door. "Fine." Naruto says, willing to be considerate to the expecting mother. "You can come in."
That said, Naruto opens the door, and allows Deidara to enter. While Deidara uses the bathroom, Naruto looks around, and notices Itachi and Deidara's wedding portrait. Huh,He thinks, Itistheir room.
When Deidara comes out and tries to talk to Naruto, he is gently pushed aside. Naruto glares up at the older blond. "I don't care if this is your room. I am going back in the bathroom."
"Suit yourself, un." Deidara thinks Naruto looks like an adorable puppy when he is trying to be scary. "Enjoy. You want a blanket or something, un?"
Naruto nods petulantly. Deidara opens the linen closet and hands Naruto a blanket. "Here you go."
The younger blond locks himself in the bathroom again and makes a nest in the bathtub with the blanket he's given.
Itachi and Deidara stare at Sasuke with wonder. They have never seen him so panicked before. It's a mesmerizing sight.
"One day." Sasuke mumbles, "I've been married one day and already fucked it up. This has to be some kind of record."
"You should eat something, un." Deidara gestures towards Sasuke's full plate. "Angry mate shouldn't be dealt with on an empty stomach."
"Dobe hasn't eaten either." Sasuke won't even look at the food. "I won't eat until he does."
Deidara starts preparing a plate for Naruto, while Itachi tries to get Sasuke to eat. "You need to start taking care of your health."
"What's the point? Dobe is going to leave me." Sasuke tries to control his hysteria, but panic and fear win every time. "And his father is going to kill me."
"No he isn't." Itachi says soothingly. "Just apologize to Naruto in an hour."
"Naruto hates me. He is going to leave me."
Deidara leaves with food, as Kisame enters with a phone in his hand. "Blondie's parents on the phone. What time should they come over?"
Sasuke lets out a pitiful moan and starts screaming into his hands. Kisame has seen this kind of emotional overload with Itachi, and isn't fazed in the slightest. Itachi looks shocked.
"It's normal." Kisame reassures his friend. "Just a nervous breakdown. You had those too. Emotional overload and all that. No big deal. Don't freak out."
"What am I going to do?" Sasuke asks the ceiling. "My life is over."
"It's going to be okay," Itachi tries to calm Sasuke down. "Just relax."
"Why was I even born?" Sasuke whimpers, "Didn't they have condoms back then? My mother should have kept her legs closed."
Itachi is stunned into appalled silence. Kisame makes a face. "I could have gone my whole life not having heard that."
Sasuke knows he is a mess, but doesn't know how to stop it. The demon blocked all emotions before. Having to deal with them all of a sudden, after all these years, is as frightening as it is overwhelming.
Kisame remembers that Minato is waiting on the line, "What should I tell them?" He asks Itachi.
"I don't know." Itachi blinks. "I have no idea."
"How about six?" Kisame makes a decision himself, "We are expecting you at six."
"Why did you say six?" Sasuke shrieks as soon as Kisame hangs up. "That's not enough time."
"Six hours." Kisame says, placating, "That gives you six hours to grovel at blondie's feet."
"It's not enough." Sasuke says, tears start flowing down his face, startling him and the two men in his company. "You've ruined everything." That said, he darts up from his place at the dining table and runs out of the kitchen.
"Should we go after him?" Itachi asks Kisame, who has dealt with post-mating Uchiha syndrome before.
Kisame scoffs, "Why, so he can claw our faces off? Let him cool off, he will come back."
"Oh," Itachi says faintly, "Do we want that?"
"No," Kisame says, "We do not."
"Naruto," Deidara stands outside his bathroom door with a plate of food in his hand. "Lunch time, un."
"Go away!" Is Naruto's predictable response. "I don't want dirty Uchiha food. It's contaminated."
Deidara sighs. "My food isn't contaminated. Come outside and have some, un."
"I hate you. Go away demon."
"I am not a demon, un." Deidara keeps knocking gently. "Come outside."
"I am not hungry."
"Right," Deidara rolls his eyes, "But have some food anyway, for me, un."
"I don't care about you, or your husband, or my lying bastard of a husband." Is Naruto's hysterical response. He has been crying for an hour now, and has a massive headache. "Go away."
"Naruto," Deidara yells, "You are stressing me out. It's not good for the baby, un."
That stuns the other blond into silence.
"Do you want me to pass out again?" Deidara feels bad about using his child to get through to Naruto, for about a second. "Because I am starting to feel a little faint, un."
The door opens. Naruto give Deidara's stomach a mournful look. "I am sorry, please don't die."
"Right," Deidara says, "If you don't listen to me, my baby will die, un."
"Oh god," Naruto grabs his aching head with both hands, looking every bit the hysterical mess he is, "I was going to murder your baby. I'm a baby murderer."
"Not yet," Deidara hands Naruto the plate and starts leading him to the armchair by the fireplace. "But if you keep stressing me out, who knows what will happen, un."
"I really care about you." Naruto says to Deidara's stomach. "The rest of these people can go to hell, but you are innocent in all of this."
Deidara is touched by Naruto's concern for his child. "The baby thanks you for your support, un."
"So," Naruto says after he is done stuffing his face like a pig, dignity and manners be damned. He is hungry."What's your problem?"
"What?" Deidara asks, startled. "I have a problem, un?"
"Well," Naruto stares at his empty plate, depressed that the food is gone. His body is suddenly starved for nourishment. "You married into this family, knowing about the demon problem. Or did they trick you too?"
"No one tricked me, un." Deidara says, "I wanted to marry Itachi sama. I knew about the demon when we got involved."
"So you got a choice and I didn't." Naruto says, bitterly. "How delightful."
"I know you are angry." Deidara understands where Naruto is coming from. "I would be too, if I was in your position, un."
"Well that's validating." Naruto doesn't give a rat's ass if Deidara is the elder bride and should be respected. Fuck status. As far as he's concerned, his marriage is in jeopardy. "I am glad I have your permission to get angry."
"I am the one, who told Sasuke to tell you, un." Deidara is glad Naruto is started to show his true personality. It's nice to finally meet the real Naruto. That demure façade was starting to get a little irritating.
"Well aren't you a saint." Naruto pauses and gives Deidara an appraising look. "Someone with your looks didn't have to settle for a demon. You could have anyone."
"This family," Deidara is brutally honest. "Is a pathetic mess. But Itachi is different, un. He has proven himself the better man time and time again. His love for me, for his brother, is unparalleled. And that's something that comes from within, not family."
"I am glad you and the demon are making it work."
"We really are." Deidara shrugs. "The demon isn't even in the picture. It's just me and my husband, un."
"If the demon isn't a problem, why did Sasuke hide it?"
"He was so close to death," Deidara explains gently, "So prepared for it, ready to face it with his arms wide open. And then you show up, in all your perfection. All of a sudden Sasuke saw another possibility. A different path."
"I have lowered myself to his level," Naruto says, his arms cross. "I am willing to live with his past, but the demon is his past, present and future."
"He thought you would reject him."
"I am not capable of rejecting him, remember?" Naruto sneers. "He said so himself. Because of the curse. If you people are telling the truth, then there is no reason to lie to me. Why did he lie to me?"
"You are fiery and strong." Deidara smiles at Naruto. "Sasuke believes that if anyone could walk out on an Uchiha, against the curse, it would be you."
"You people sure have an answer for everything."
"He should have told you," Deidara knows he won't win this argument, "Before marrying you. I understand if you never forgive him for this, un. But if you leave tonight, he won't make it to his eighteenth birthday."
"I won't forgive this lie."
"Stay," Deidara pleads, "He will die without you. Punish him whatever way you see fit, but don't leave him, un."
"I will not take this crap from him." Naruto refuses to end up like those battered spouses; their spirits broken by their husbands. "If he is capable of keeping something this big from me, what else will he do later down the road?"
"Sasuke wasn't in his right mind; he has finally come to his senses. This won't happen again."
"Now I know why Sasuke keeps dodging his punishments," Naruto gives Deidara a disgusted look. "You people keep making excuses for him."
"Like I said, Sasuke was wrong to hide this from you. But the punishment certainly shouldn't be death."
"What else is he keeping from me?" Naruto asks Deidara, "Are there other family secrets I should know about?"
"The curse and the demons not enough for you?"
"If he hides anything from me again, I will walk out and never come back again." Naruto promises. "No curse will be able to stop me."
"I understand." Deidara gives Naruto a grateful smile. "Thank you."
"But you have to be honest." Naruto looks Deidara dead in the eye, clear blue meet gray. "Right now. If there are any more secrets than this is the time to reveal them."
"There isn't a drug out there Sasuke hasn't done," Deidara is perfectly willing to tell Naruto everything. "His addiction to alcohol is second to none." A meaningful pause, "He slept around a lot. There are a lot of ex-girlfriends, and even more one-night stands."
"I know about his whores." Naruto says acidly.
"He has quite a cutting habit, un." Deidara winces. To this day he avoids looking at Sasuke's wrists.
"Self-mutilation." The very thought of it makes Naruto sick.
"He ran with a gang for a certain period. And they got into trouble, a lot. Mostly robbing and misdemeanors. That's all I know." Deidara gives Naruto a desperate look. "Sasuke isn't perfect…"
"He's a mess." Naruto glares, furious.
"We tried to do right by him, but without you." Deidara fights back tears, "All our interventions are useless, un. You are the most significant part of his soul. You define him. The demon barely counts in real life."
"You really care for him." Naruto watches Deidara carefully.
"I have been watching Sasuke for a long time now, un." Deidara remembers the young man who stood beside Itachi at his wedding, troubled and haunted. "There isn't a single person in this universe who needs you more than him."
"Was Itachi this way?" Naruto feels a lot calmer, less like a human wound and more like a person again. "Before you met him?"
"That's a story for another day," Deidara smiles softly, his face radiant even in the semi-darkness of the room.
"That bad, huh." Naruto says knowingly.
"You are not ready for that story right now," Deidara gets a faraway look in his eyes, "I am not sure I am ready to tell it, un."
"Whatever," Naruto gets up, "I guess I owe you an apology. For all the disrespect. I should learn my place around here."
Deidara lets out a startled laugh. The elder gets up and leans in close to Naruto, whispering in his ear. "I actually like this side of you." A soft kiss is placed on one whiskered cheek. "Stay here, I will send Sasuke up." That said, the older blond walks away, his hips swaying sexily.
Naruto coughs, blushing, one hand massaging his right cheek. Fuck, I so am glad Itachi didn't see that.
Sasuke sits in the living room. Kisame on one side, Itachi on the other. The screaming and the hysterical sobbing has stopped, but an occasional distressed howl escapes and annoys the men flanking him.
Itachi gives Kisame a pained look over Sasuke's head. When will he stop?They have been best friends for years, and have learned to communicate with their eyes. Make him stop.
Kisame shrugs and gives Itachi a look back. You stop him.
Seems as if someone up in heaven is listening to the two men. Deidara comes to the rescue, "Naruto wants to talk to you, un."
Sasuke gets up quickly and eagerly, like a puppy called by its master. "He wants to talk to me?"
"No," Kisame says sarcastically, beside him, Itachi rolls his eyes. "He wants to talk to me."
After Sasuke runs out of the room, Itachi massages his forehead. "They are both morons. They deserve each other."
"They are a good match, un." Deidara takes Sasuke's abandoned spot between Itachi and Kisame. "Naruto is perfect for Sasuke."
"Say," Kisame turns toward the couple. "I was thinking. How bout we name the baby Kisame."
"Fine," Itachi agrees, "Now go get me a drink. After this morning I have earned it."
"Get me some ice-cream, un." Deidara says.
Kisame gives the couple a delighted grin. "I love you both."
"Kisame," Itachi says thoughtfully, "Perfect name. If we have a girl. "
"Aww," Deidara says dreamily. "Kisame Uchiha will be an excellent name for a girl, un. She will be such a heartbreaker."
Naruto is sitting outside the master bedroom. It felt wrong to stay in another couple's space, surrounded by their scent. Like an invasion of privacy. So he moved himself to the hallway.
Sasuke approaches Naruto carefully. "Dobe…"
"My head hurts, get me something."
Sasuke obeys and finds some Acetaminophen. Naruto swallows two pills dry, looking oddly small, curled into himself against the wall.
"I am sorry." Sasuke's body feels amazing. His mind is another story. The emotional avalanche was bad enough, but the knowledge that he has disappointed his mate is even worse.
"I don't understand." Naruto mumbles out. "I just don't understand."
"What?" Sasuke lowers himself and sits beside Naruto, stretching his legs out. Their thighs pressing together.
"You. Your family." Naruto gives Sasuke a terribly blank look. "I don't know a damn thing about you."
"What do you want to know?" Sasuke says, sincere. "I will answer any question you have."
"What's your favourite color?"
Sasuke shrugs. "Changes every month. Right now it's blue." Like the color of your eyes.
"Favourite food?"
"Anything with tomatoes in it. I don't like sweet things."
"Favourite drug, so I know what to watch out for."
"Anything with heroine in it."
"Ex-girlfriends?"
Sasuke feels something tighten in his chest. "They are dead to me."
"Don't bullshit me."
"I mean it." Sasuke says, "It was just sex. I don't even remember most of it. I was too drugged out to remember."
"How are you still alive?" Naruto asks, his eyes full of question. "After everything you have put your body through. And in such good condition."
"The demon. He wouldn't let me die until my time was up. He heals all physical wounds."
Naruto sighs, "You are such a mess…"
"Naruto." Sasuke starts to say.
"And I need to clean you up." Naruto finishes.
The tight, angry grip Sasuke's heart has been in since this morning loosens, and he takes a sigh of relief.
"Don't take me for granted." Naruto says quickly after. "Don't keep secrets, no substance abuse, or cheating."
"Cheat?" Sasuke asks, wide-eyed. "On you? My testicles are fine where they are, thank you."
Naruto turns bright red. "I am not that bad."
"You are just what I need." Sasuke gives Naruto a look full of wonder. He can actually hear himself now that the demon has stopped screaming. Even his emotions don't seem so bad now. "An antidote."
"How romantic." Naruto says flatly, but allows Sasuke to pull him into his arms.
"I mean it." Sasuke says, "There is so much poison inside me…"
"Don't be a drama queen." Naruto places a soft kiss in Sasuke's hair.
"Says the moron who locked himself in the bathroom."
"Fuck you," Naruto hisses, "I was angry."
"Did it have to be Itachi and Deidara's bathroom?"
Naruto pouts, "I just ran in a random room. I didn't know it was the master bedroom."
"They are probably laughing at us downstairs." Sasuke buries his face in Naruto's neck, inhaling the comforting scent. "They probably think we are idiots."
"Probably?" Naruto lets Sasuke nuzzle him. Even though the urge to smack that pretty face is overwhelming. "There is no probably about it. They definitely think we are idiots."
"I am sorry."
Naruto's eyes soften, the cold anger gone. "I am letting this one go. For now. You are not out of trouble just yet."
"I am just glad I survived our first fight."
"You didn't survive," Naruto rolls his eyes, "I felt sorry for you."
Sasuke places soft kisses along Naruto's jawline. "You are most merciful."
"I really am."
"And you are sexy when you are angry." Sasuke smirks.
"And you are an ass when you are lying." Naruto doesn't respond to his husband's charm.
"You keep mouthing off, and I will take you right against this wall."
"Fine," Naruto says, "I will shut up."
"Don't tell your father about our fight."
"You're afraid of daddy aren't you?" Naruto says, "Good, you should be."
"Well, you are so angry," Sasuke admires his bride, "And you are supposed to be a submissive. Your father is an angrier, dominant version of you. I don't think I will survive his wrath."
"Daddy is actually a very sweet person." Naruto strokes Sasuke's hair comfortingly. The black silk strands feel amazing through his fingers.
"He was glaring at me throughout the wedding ceremony."
"Just keep your head lowered and don't make any sudden movements. And don't touch me in front of him. Don't even try and hold my hand. He will punch you in the face. He has done that to boys who tried before."
"Good," Sasuke growls at the thought of anyone else touching his bride. "He was justified."
"Don't try any of your alpha male crap with daddy." Naruto advices. "When he's in the room, every other male is a bitch."
"Fine." Sasuke doesn't like the idea of being anyone's bitch, but in front of his father-in-law, he has no choice.
"Most people are so focused on my dad," Naruto continues, "They completely forget my mom. She has quite a temper. She is a redhead you know."
My in-laws are crazy."Noted."
"Seriously, don't underestimate her. She will rip you apart."
"Right."
"And be pleasant. But don't talk too much. And don't talk too little. Don't want them thinking you are a snob."
"How about I lock myself in the bathroom while your parents visit?"
"What did I tell you about being a drama queen?" Naruto smiles.
Sasuke purrs when he sees Naruto's beautiful face light up. "I am willing to take a beating from your father for you."
"Good. Remember that if he breaks your neck."
Kisame greets Minato and Kushina with a wide grin. "Blondie's parents. Welcome."
"I don't think we have met before." Minato frowns up at Kisame.
"Kisame Hoshigaki." The man shakes Minato's hand exuberantly. "Big fan."
"Alright," Minato winces at the crushing grip. "Why?"
Kisame lets out a giggle when he thinks of Sasuke's frightened wailing earlier. "No reason. I just really like you."
Kushina stares at the antique furniture and the carpeting with wonder. Everything's so beautiful and elegant. My son deserves this luxury. He will always be taken care of.
Itachi and Deidara come down the staircase, looking like a pair of princes. "Naruto will be right down. Thank you so much for coming, un."
Kisame takes the suitcase in Minato's hand. Servants carry the rest of Naruto's things in.
Itachi can see from Minato's body language that the man is extremely tense. Bright blue eyes regard everything dismissively, only searching for Naruto.
"The wedding was beautiful." Kushina smiles at Deidara. "Thank you so much for all your hard work."
"Your son deserved it." Deidara says, "Let's all go to the living room, un."
Kushina could admire this furniture all day, the carpets, the curtains, the windows. Everything is so breathtakingly expensive.
"So," Minato says awkwardly when they all sit down. "What's new?" The silence is starting to get to him.
"We are expecting." Itachi answers.
Kushina lets out a loud squeal. "No you are not!"
"Yes," Itachi replies blandly. "We are."
"Why didn't you say anything at the wedding?" Kushina looks ecstatic.
"We found out yesterday, un." Deidara finds Kushina's enthusiasm endearing.
"Congratulations." Minato smiles at Itachi. "Your life will change for the better. Naruto is the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Itachi sighs. Minato's resentment is Sasuke's wedding gift. Nothing personal, just reserved for anyone who dares to take Naruto away from his father. "Thank you."
"Do you know what it is yet?" Kushina either doesn't notice her husband's deep sadness, or is pointedly ignoring it. "What do we want? A boy or a girl?"
"We don't really care, un." Deidara smiles, "As long as he or she is healthy."
"I wanted twins," Kushina says petulantly, "Two for the price of one."
"Me too," Deidara says dreamily.
"Twins don't typically run in our family." Itachi reminds everyone.
Deidara secretly wants triplets. Multiple births are very uncommon in the Uchiha family, but that fact won't stop Deidara from fantasizing. The thought of three angelic miniature Itachis running around makes his heart beat faster.
Itachi gives Deidara a look. I know what you are thinking. It's not going to happen.
"I don't want twins." Kisame says sagely as he casually walks by with another suitcase of Naruto's clothes. "I am not ready to raise two children simultaneously. Too much stress."
"He is going to raise your children?" Minato asks, disturbed.
"No," Itachi says, "We are going to raise them and he's going to take credit."
"Your house is so lovely." Kushina says what she has been thinking all along. "Like a palace."
"It's a bitch to maintain." Kisame walks by again. "You only like it because you don't have to clean it."
"Who is he?" Minato asks when Kisame is out of hearing range.
"My pet shark."
Itachi is saved the trouble of having to explain the menace that is Kisame due to Naruto's chaotic entrance. "Daddy!" The blond screams.
"Naruto." Minato gathers the boy into his arms. "I missed you so much."
"Sasuke," Kushina gives her bright smile. "You look great." The boy looks so fresh, so energized. The dark circles under his eyes seem to have disappeared overnight. Like an angel straight out of heaven.
"Thank you." Sasuke says respectfully.
Everyone waits for father and son to separate but after five minutes, Deidara coughs awkwardly. "Why don't we give Kushina a tour of the mansion, un?"
Kushina laughs nervously, "I would love that. Your house is to die for."
Sasuke thinks takes a step toward the embracing blonds, but immediately steps back when he sees Minato's acidic glare over Naruto's shoulder. "Take me with you." The Uchiha croaks out.
Minato takes a sigh of relief when he is left alone with Naruto. "I can't believe I let you marry into this family. You deserve so much better than this."
"I missed you too." Naruto buries his face in Minato's shoulder. His father's scent is so comforting.
"Did he hurt you?" Minato holds Naruto away from him, at shoulder length. "I will kill him, I swear to god, I will rip him apart."
Naruto quickly shakes his head. Sasuke has hurt him by withholding information, but he doesn't deserve to get murdered because of it. "He didn't do anything."
The look on Minato's face is so frightening, so crazy protective. Naruto shivers under that glacial blue gaze. "Naruto, I need you to promise me something."
"Anything." Naruto means it.
"If he so much as looks at you wrong," Minato bites out, "you will come home to me and your mother. Promise me that."
"I promise." Naruto says, his own eyes full of brutal honesty. "I will leave him."
"You mean that?" Minato looks surprised. He thought he would have to convince Naruto more.
"Absolutely." Naruto says, with conviction. "If he mistreats me, I am gone."
Minato feels as if the sinking feeling in his chest has suddenly lifted. "Call me, if you need me. Ever. I will drop everything and come running."
"I know." Naruto smiles at his father. "Who else will I call?"
Minato loves his son's smile. Like sunshine on a cold dreary day. "Thank you, Naruto."
"I love you too, daddy."
"God," Kushina mumbles, "If I die, please let me come to this mansion in the afterlife. This place is heaven."
"Thank you." Kisame takes the compliment personally. "I try to keep the place looking nice."
Sasuke tries to stay out of the way, but his mother-in-law keeps engaging him in conversation. He can't blame the woman, she wants to get to know her son-in-law, but he still feels the urge to run away whenever Naruto's mother addresses him. The extreme disturbance in his emotions has rendered him feeling insecure. The last thing he needs right now is his in-laws getting offended at something stupid he says.
"Sasuke, where is your room?" Kushina's eyes find her son-in-law where he is trying to casually hide behind Itachi's frame. Where are you keeping my son?
"His bedroom is the most beautiful, un." Deidara immediately covers for his brother-in-law. "I am actually kind of jealous of his room."
Itachi tries to position himself between Kushina and Sasuke.
"Oh," Kushina says shrewdly, "Good."
Itachi misses his sharingan. He had to inactivate it for Minato and Kushina's visit. Without it, he feels blind. Kushina's face is actually a blur.
"What about your career plans?" Kushina continues to hammer Sasuke with questions. "Are you planning on going to university?"
"Yes, I am." Sasuke replies politely. Itachi graduated university at the top of his class with honors. It's where he met all his friends. Sasuke hopes to have the same experience some day, and follow in his brother's footsteps.
"What do you want to major in?"
"I haven't decided yet."
"Well you better decide soon," Kushina says, "Time is running out."
"I am more worried about high school right now." Sasuke fights the urge to roll his eyes at his mother-in-law. The woman sure can nag.
"Of course, with all your absences, it will be almost impossible to catch up." Kushina says coldly.
It's like she's trying to piss me off. Sasuke has difficulty keeping his expression neutral, but he manages it somehow.
Kushina continues with her blunt honesty. "You are in danger of failing, aren't you?"
Like Kakashi will ever let that happen.Sasuke thinks to himself. Well… unless he's trying to be funny. He could fail me for comedic value. With him for a guardian angel, who needs the devil?
"Why don't you let me worry about Sasuke, Kushina." Itachi doesn't care for this woman's attitude. No one tries to decide Sasuke's life but him. "Leave him to me."
"Sasuke and Naruto are now one," Kushina says firmly, "What happens to my son-in-law is very much my business."
"Sasuke is my business." Itachi says, not intimidated by the woman in the slightest.
Deidara quickly steps in before his husband gets angry. "Don't mind Itachi sama, un. He is just a protective older brother."
Kushina is surprised at Itachi's flare up. The male is usually highly controlled, but his brother is clearly a big weakness. "I wasn't trying to offend. I am just worried about my son's future."
"Look around you, Kushina." Itachi gestures to the extremely expensive décor. "Naruto is an Uchiha now. He will always be taken care of."
"I get that your family has money, but Sasuke should be more independent."
"Sasuke and Naruto are minors." Itachi says, "They are myresponsibility."
"No one is disagreeing with you, un." Deidara adds. People trying to interfere in Sasuke's life get hurt unless Itachi gives consent.
Kushina looks into dark eyes and feels something akin to fear. Something is off about Itachi's demeanor. There is possessiveness in those eyes. Like a wild animal claiming its territory. Sasuke places both hands on Itachi's shoulders and tries to calm him down. Deidara and Kisame quickly lead Kushina away.
"Itachi," Sasuke stares into his older brother's eyes, "She is just worried about Naruto. She isn't trying to take me away from you."
"I will kill her." Itachi's tries to stop his sharingan from activating but can't help it. "Your future is none of her business."
"I am yours." Sasuke stares into maroon irises, unafraid. "But Naruto is mine, and to take care of him is my responsibility. Kushina wants to make sure I am fit enough to be her son's husband."
Itachi manages to control his breathing a few seconds later, the sharingan fading into serene black. "I don't understand why she can't accept the fact that we will take good care of her son."
"She isn't questioning you." Sasuke explains, gently. "It's me she doesn't trust."
Itachi is fairly annoyed at Kushina's intrusive questioning, but manages to keep his expression neutral for the rest of the evening.
Dinner is a relatively peaceful affair. They are eating in one of the bigger, fancier halls tonight. Sasuke sits as far away from Naruto as possible. Minato looks about ready to maim anyone who dares to step close to his son.
If he knew what I did to his son last night he would castrate me.Sasuke thinks to himself as Minato and Naruto converse energetically. I will never admit to having sex with Naruto.
Father and son are a beautiful sight. Sasuke doesn't care for Minato's dominant demeanor, or his muscular frame, but it's impossible not to be charmed by the man's crystal blue eyes, golden hair, and bright smiles. It's obvious where Naruto gets his looks from.
Kushina is giving Deidara advice. "Start baby shopping now. You don't want to be overwhelmed when the baby comes."
"I have the baby things covered." Kisame says, "They don't have to worry about a damn thing."
"Oh," Kushina says, "A personal shopper. You are both so lucky."
"We really aren't." Itachi has seen the crib Kisame has ordered. It's a monstrosity. "Our child will be deeply traumatized. He will probably grow up to be a serial killer."
"So," Minato addresses Sasuke, his voice bitter and angry. "Where are you taking my son for his honeymoon?"
Sasuke wants to jump out of the window. The expression on his father-in-law's face makes him want to cry.
"Nowhere." Itachi answers for his brother. "They don't get a honeymoon."
"Oh," Minato says, surprised. "Why not?"
"Sasuke has missed many months of school. He can have a honeymoon when his life is back on track."
Minato is impressed. "That sounds very fair."
Sasuke wants to take Naruto to a beautiful location, preferably with a beach, and fuck his pretty little blond brains out. But Minato's anger, and Itachi's strictness has made it impossible. He doesn't dare voice his disagreement against the two males.
"That's not fair to Naruto." Kushina speaks up. "He doesn't get a honeymoon because of his husband's misdeeds?"
"Naruto is welcome to go on his honeymoon alone." Itachi says. "We have no objection to that."
"The hell we don't." Sasuke barks out before he can help it. "He isn't going anywhere without me."
Kisame rolls his eyes at Sasuke. "Calm down Romeo."
Minato places a soft kiss on Naruto's cheek. "Sasuke's right. Naruto should never be alone."
Sasuke feels as if his world has just turned upside down. Did he just, agree with me?
"Sasuke is a moron, daddy." Naruto tells his father. "He is failing school. He can't afford to miss any more days or Kakashi sensei will fail him."
"Naruto," Kushina scolds. "Don't disrespect your husband."
"How is Kakashi?" Minato asks, his eyes full of sadness. "I imagine he's grown a lot."
Kisame, who spends most of his day texting Kakashi, answers. "He's richer and sassier than all of us combined. He's doing well in life."
"Is he happy?" Minato looks deeply troubled. Kushina wants to hold him in her arms and never let go. "Just tell me he's happy."
"Kakashi leads a very rich and fulfilling life." Itachi says, "His teaching career is very successful, and his familial fortune is always growing."
"You still didn't answer my question." Minato says, "Yes or no. Is he happy or not?"
"No." Sasuke tells his father-in-law, cuttingly honest. "Kakashi is possibly the unhappiest person on the face of the planet."
Minato looks crushed. Naruto glares at his husband. "Way to make daddy sad, asshole."
"I am just telling it like it is." Sasuke shrugs. "Kakashi hides everything behind a mask, both figuratively and literally. Behind it, there is nothing but darkness and disappointment. He has seen some things in life. Things he can't forgive, or forget."
"That's enough, Sasuke." Deidara warns his brother-in-law. He doesn't fully know Minato and Kakashi's backstory, but recognizes a raw nerve when he sees it. "It's time for dessert, un."
"I will help you," Kushina gets up to help Deidara.
"I want ice-cream." Naruto pouts up at Deidara. "Bring me ice-cream."
"Don't boss Deidara around like that," Kushina glares at Naruto. "If you want ice-cream, come get it for yourself."
"Let him sit, un." Deidara smiles pleasantly at Naruto. "I will get him his dessert."
"Your mother's right. Don't piss off Itachi's mate." Minato whispers in his son's ear.
"Deidara's nice." Naruto whispers back. "It's his creepy husband I don't like."
"I like Itachi." Minato confesses. "If it were up to me, you would marry him. Not Sasuke."
"Itachi has ugly wrinkles on his face. Sasuke is prettier."
Itachi and Sasuke's hearing allows them to hear Naruto and Minato's whispers very easily. Both brothers give each other looks.
"You have nothing to worry about." Itachi whispers to Sasuke. "Naruto is the last person I would ever mate with. I hate him."
Sasuke shrugs. "Naruto hates you too."
Kisame, who is reading lips, gives the four males deeply amused looks. Thank god I am not married to any of these people. They are all idiots.
Minato gets sadder and sadder as the evening passes. He is not looking forward to tonight. Sasuke is very patient with Naruto, and doesn't mind any of his insults. Deidara tries to pamper the smaller blond every chance he gets. Itachi seems completely indifferent toward everything and everyone. Overall, this is a pleasant family to be married into, but Minato still isn't comfortable with leaving Naruto alone with these people. Everyone time Naruto smiles up at him, he has the sudden urge to drag his son out of this mansion and never come back again. Marriage vows and laws be damned.
Kushina is very pleased with everything she is seeing. The family her son has married into is financially stable and well-educated. Itachi is brilliant, and has a good handle on everything around his house. Deidara tries to feed Naruto every chance he gets. Kushina's favourite part is Sasuke, who is not only saintly patient with Naruto, he doesn't interfere with Minato's overprotective hovering. Kisame keeps things light and airy, and makes fun of everyone every chance he gets. Naruto seems comfortable and happy. This might actually work out.Kushina thinks to herself. This marriage has a chance. Sasuke and Naruto aren't mature enough, but there are adults around who can watch over these two and keep things running smoothly.
"I was going to fail this class," Kisame is currently telling another university story, "One more exam and that was it. This kid…" Kisame gestures to Itachi, "Had a perfect. We did the switch. I wrote his name on my paper, he wrote my name on his. We paid off the invigilator in advance. I managed to pass the class. Itachi got a ninety percent overall score. All in all, a happy ending."
Minato lets out a surprised laugh. "And your professor didn't suspect a thing?"
"Oh he knew," Kisame says cockily, "But he couldn't prove it. Itachi can copy my handwriting with the sharingan, and he himself writes in this creepy, blocky print which isn't all that hard to mimic."
"I can write in Minato's handwriting." Kushina says proudly. "I forge his signature all the time."
"I taught Deidara Itachi's signature. We forge it all the time." Kisame confesses and Deidara nods. "It's just easier than having to hunt him down every time we need him to sign something."
"You are a terrible person." Itachi tells Kisame.
"Sasuke," Naruto turns to his husband. "Teach me how to write in your handwriting. I wanna forge your signature too."
Sasuke sighs and nods.
"Itachi was the person you went to when you needed help with homework," Kisame reminisces, "Except Art, he was hopeless at art. That was always Deidara's specialty."
"Really," Kushina asks Deidara, "You're an artist?"
"He is the definition of an artist."
"Art is the only way to live, un." Deidara says, "Our entire universe is a work of art."
"I personally don't get art." Kisame says, "A bunch of pretty pictures, that's it."
Deidara narrows his eyes at Kisame. "Don't make me hit you."
Itachi gives Kisame a look. "Don't insult art unless you are ready for the consequences."
"Art is the best," Kisame says monotonously, "Where would the world be without art?"
"That's better," Deidara says, satisfied.
Naruto seems entertained by his new family. Kushina likes the look of ease on her son's face. She had expected Itachi and Deidara to be horribly arrogant people who look down at everyone around them, but they are too serene. The air of nobility around them is balanced by their quiet humility.
"It's time to go," Minato says, his tone seems as if he his announcing his own death. The thought of leaving Naruto makes him want to cry. "I have to get up early for work tomorrow."
"So do I." Itachi says, bitterly, "Father wants me in early tomorrow. And I suppose I should tell him he is going to be a grandfather."
"You haven't told them yet?" Kushina asks, surprised. "I called my mother the instant I found out I was pregnant with Naruto."
"Do you even have to tell them?" Kisame asks Deidara, cheerfully. "Wait till you give birth and thencall them on the way home from the hospital."
"Mikoto will never let me live that down, un." Deidara wrinkles his nose. "She will accuse me of trying to keep her out of her son and grandchild's life."
"Just tell her you didn't know." Kisame gestures to the leftover chocolate cake, "you thought you were just gaining weight, and then the contractions came out of nowhere. We rushed you to the hospital, and the doctor randomly walked in with some kid."
"Have I been spending too much time with Kisame, or does that actually sound like a good idea?" Itachi asks Deidara.
"You have to tell Fugaku, un." Deidara smiles at his husband sympathetically. "Just write it down somewhere, leave a note on his desk."
"I will call you," Minato gathers Naruto in his arms and holds him tight. "It was great seeing you."
Kushina sighs at the heartbreaking scene. As much as she is going to miss Naruto, her husband is going to take the separation so much harder. It's painful to watch. "Naruto is going to visit us all the time."
"Exactly," Deidara agrees quickly, "We will make sure of it."
Sasuke watches the scared look on his mate's face, and before he can help it, words are coming out of his mouth. "This weekend?"
Minato and Naruto separate. Two pairs of sapphire blue eyes stare at Sasuke in unison. The raven tries to look casual and shrugs at his father-in-law. "Naruto can visit you this weekend. School starts on Monday. You can drop Naruto off at school, and he can come home with me."
Kushina is momentarily stunned, but quickly composes herself. "That sounds like a great idea."
"This Saturday is Sasuke's birthday." Itachi says, "He should spend it with his mate. Naruto can visit you next weekend."
Minato visibly deflates.
"Sasuke can come visit us too." Kushina says with a bright smile. "You threw our son the most gorgeous wedding I have ever seen. We can return the favor and throw our son-in-law a birthday party."
Deidara wanted to throw Sasuke a birthday party, but Itachi has forbidden it because of the fainting spell and the hospital trip. Kushina's offer puts the blond at ease. "That sounds wonderful, un. Naruto and Sasuke didn't get to attend their wedding reception. This way, they get the party they deserve."
"Exactly. You can send me the guest list, and tell me all of Sasuke's favourite foods. I will make them myself." Kushina gives Sasuke a fond look. "Once he eats my cooking he will never want to eat anywhere else."
"I don't think this is a good idea." Sasuke says, "Naruto should go alone." The thought of sleeping under the same roof as his father-in-law makes him cringe inwardly.
"I think it's an excellent idea." Itachi gives Sasuke a meaningful look. "Your mating is new, and you shouldn't be separated."
"What's the matter, Sasuke?" Minato gives his son-in-law a razor sharp look. "Our house not good enough for you?"
"That's not what Sasuke is saying at all, un." Deidara immediately comes to his brother-in-law's defense. "He's just shy."
"I won't go if Sasuke won't go." Naruto gives his husband a hurt look.
"Naruto," Sasuke sighs at his dobe.
Said dobe immediately leaves his father's side and plasters himself against Sasuke. "Don't make me leave."
"Dobe," Sasuke wraps his arms around his mate, despite Minato's icy glare. "I will be fine. Spend time with your parents. I will see you on Monday."
"I want Sasuke." Naruto whispers in Sasuke's chest.
"Give us a chance," Kushina pleads, "We would really like to spend time with both of our sons."
"What?" Sasuke and Minato say together.
Kushina smiles at the embracing couple fondly. "You are married to Naruto. That makes you our second son, doesn't it?"
If the familial pressure isn't enough, Sasuke's demon has also started shrieking at the thought of Naruto leaving for three days. "Fine." Sasuke says, defeated. There is no hope of him surviving a weekend without Naruto anyways.
"Really?" Naruto looks up at Sasuke, wide blue eyes filled with hope.
Sasuke nods, and Naruto gives him a bright grin.
"Come by at two tomorrow." Kushina says after she is done kissing Naruto's forehead and cheeks. "We will be expecting you." Then she horribly startles Sasuke by stealthily placing a kiss on his forehead as well. "It was lovely seeing you Sasuke."
Minato cuddles Naruto for a few minutes, and then extends his hand toward Sasuke. "Have a good night."
Sasuke flinches when he sees that muscular forearm move, but relaxes when he isn't punched. "You too."
"Thank you so much, un." Deidara thanks Kushina with all of his heart. He is really happy that Sasuke is getting a birthday party.
"Thank youfor a pleasant evening." Kushina smiles at Deidara, "I will be praying for you. I hope you have twins."
"Don't bother," Itachi reminds everyone. "Twins don't run in our family."
Kisame gives Minato an enthusiastic pat on the back. "Four hours with you and Sasuke in the same house and there hasn't been a fatality. Aren't you a champ."
"Bye daddy," Naruto tells his father. "I'll see you tomorrow."
The devastated expression on Minato's face is gone. Instead he looks light and carefree. The hateful glare he has been giving Sasuke all evening is also gone.
"Well aren't you lucky?" Kisame whispers in Sasuke's ear later when Minato and Kushina have departed. "You don't get a honeymoon, just a long weekend with your in-laws."
Sasuke fully expects this weekend to be hell, but anything is better than being away from Naruto. Two days of mate's absence can mean a world of pain for an Uchiha. Itachi barely survives nine hours a day away from Deidara, and their relationship is much more stable.
"You did what you had to." Itachi gives Sasuke an approving look. "Make the best of this situation."
"You haven't even opened your wedding presents, un." Deidara tells Sasuke and Naruto. "You can open them with birthday presents."
"Thank you," Naruto says an hour later, when they are alone in bed together.
"It's the least I could do." Sasuke thinks of the fight earlier this morning.
"Daddy likes you a lot better now," Naruto smiles at his husband. "He won't be mean to you, especially since you are the birthday boy."
"Your father scares the crap out of me." Sasuke confesses to his bride. "But what scares me even more is losing you."
Sasuke isn't trying to be romantic, but the delighted expression on Naruto's face suggests otherwise. The small blond throws himself in Sasuke's arms. "Sasuke bastard is the best demon ever."
"I am not a demon, there is a demon inside me."
"You are perfect," Naruto whispers in Sasuke's neck. "Don't hide any part of you from me. I like all of you."
"I like you too."