Chapter Twelve
It's downright eerie how easy it is to see Sasuke with someone else. Sakura turns the pages of the magazine she purchased on her way home. Sasuke's wedding pictures are lovely.
Sakura hates overly uplifting movies, where the central character has some kind of epiphany which changes her life and saves her from making a big mistake, like going after that one guy who seems to be poison. Sakura hates those romantic comedies with a burning passion; ironically, she feels as if she's starring in one right now. She is going to move on with her life, and forget about the guy she's worshiped for the better part of her lifetime.
"Sakura," Mebuki enters the living room and gives her daughter a troubled look. "What are you doing?" She can see Sasuke's face all over the magazine's pages.
"That's a nice centrepiece," Sakura comments on a picture, "I would have gone with carnations instead of lilies, but to each their own."
"You love carnations." Mebuki sits down beside her daughter, and leans over her shoulder, "They are your favourite."
"They are super pretty." Sakura leans her head against her mother's shoulder. "Mom?"
"Yes dear," Mebuki rests her head against her daughters.
"I'm an idiot."
"Honey…" Mebuki wraps a protective arm around her daughter, "Don't be ridiculous."
"We are nothing to each other." Sakura gestures to Sasuke's pictures, "What was I thinking?"
"He's a dashing boy," Mebuki clutches her daughter tighter against herself, not afraid to hope that Sakura has finally come to her senses. "You should have seen the guy I was with before I met your father."
Sakura giggles, "I saw your prom pictures. He wasn't so bad."
"He had a mullet!" Mebuki exclaims, and grins when Sakura bursts into laughter. The silence that follows after is more comfortable than any conversation mother and daughter have had in a long time.
"Mom."
"Yes dear?"
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for, sweetie." Mebuki grabs Sakura tightly. Her baby is finally making some sense.
"He isn't for me." Sakura gestures to Sasuke's pictures. "We aren't meant to be."
That's an understatement, Mebuki thinks to herself. Best not to say it out loud. Sakura's mental state is surely fragile. I better keep my mouth shut. "How about some dinner? I made your favourite."
"That sounds perfect," Sakura smiles up at her mother. "Who knows what kind of food the Uchiha will serve when I sleepover?"
"Sweetheart," Mebuki inwardly curses Kakashi Hatake to hell, "It's not a good idea for you to…"
"I will be just fine." Sakura promises her mother. "It's important for me to say good bye to Sasuke, and my feelings for him. What better place to do so than his house? In front of his new mate?"
Mebuki fights back tears, "You need to get away from him, not move into his house."
"I need to prove to myself," Sakura can't sight of her mother's tears, she stares out the window instead, at the dreary Konoha winter, "that I can stare his relationship in the face and not lose my mind. I need you to trust me."
"I don't." Mebuki replies honestly. There is no place for lies in a mother-daughter relationship, even one as fractured as theirs. "I think you will relapse."
"I deserve that." Sakura nods slowly. It will take a while for her mother to trust her, and Sakura is perfectly willing to work towards earning that trust.
"Let's have some food." Mebuki takes the magazine in Sakura's hand and tosses it somewhere on the coffee table.
"Can we have ice-cream for dessert?"
Mebuki smiles at her daughter, suddenly reminded of when Sakura was a toddler, "You can have all the ice-cream you want as long as you don't mention Sasuke during dinner."
"Done," Sakura giggles and gets up to follow her mother toward the kitchen.
"How long will you be gone?" Naruto asks Sasuke, who's getting ready at breakneck speed. Neji and Shikamaru's "date" is today, and Gaara and Sasuke are planning on chaperoning in true stalker fashion.
"Just for a few hours." Sasuke throws on a simple dark shirt, and some jeans.
"Why can't I come?" Naruto pouts on purpose; he knows what his lips do to Sasuke.
"Dobe," Sasuke avoid glancing at Naruto's plump delicious lips, "Today is completely about Neji, you will just distract me." It's below freezing outside, too cold, even for Konoha. No way is Sasuke going to let his bride stand outside in such weather. Naruto's soft body is to be pampered and protected.
"I want to help." Naruto whines to get Sasuke's attention. "Let me help."
"Stay here," Sasuke orders, "And don't get in trouble."
Naruto scoffs, "I'm a grownup now. I'm married. I'm far too responsible to do something stupid."
"We will see," Sasuke kisses Naruto, and allows his mouth to linger on those petal soft lips for just a few seconds, "Wish me luck."
"Don't get your hopes up." Naruto says, feeling oddly protective of Sasuke, it's hard not to be endeared by his obsession to get Shikamaru and Neji together. "Some couples are never meant to be."
"Of course they are." Sasuke smirks arrogantly, knowing that Naruto can see the insecurity behind it anyway, "We will be going on double dates with them in no time."
"A double date with Neji and Shikamaru?" Naruto sighs, "I will be the dumbest person on that table. Three geniuses and stupid old me. At least when we date Gaara and his boyfriend, I have Lee to keep me company in moronville."
Sasuke feels extremely uplifted by Naruto's words.
"You better bring me back some ramen or expect divorce papers tomorrow."
"Idiot," Sasuke mutters under his breath as he walks away from his bride.
"How's it going?" Sasuke asks as he joins Gaara outside the restaurant window. From this angle, they can see Neji and Shikamaru at the corner booth.
"They are talking."
"Hold on," Sasuke activates his Sharingan, and starts reading lips.
"What are they saying?" Gaara asks a minute later.
"They are discussing lesson plans." Sasuke grits his teeth. "Why can't Neji just confess his love?"
"I've been here half an hour." Gaara grumbles. "My legs are freezing. My body's not used to this kind of weather." He was born in Suna, a county known for its extremely hot temperatures. This cold is the very definition of hell for him.
"The things we do for friendship." Sasuke huffs in concern. "Go. I will watch them alone."
"Don't be stupid." Gaara glares at Sasuke, "I'm not your princess of a mate. Don't coddle me."
"Well, fuck me for showing concern." Sasuke breathes and is disconcerted to find he can see his breath. "Damn it's cold. You must be dying, desert boy."
Sasuke cares that Gaara is uncomfortable. There was once a time, when Gaara could have been bleeding on the side of the road and Sasuke would have driven by without a care in the world.
People always ask what drove Gaara into Lee's arms. How two people with such different personalities can be so happy together? Gaara remembers feeling so horrified at the emptiness in Sasuke's eyes, that when Lee, who seems to carry the sun inside him, came around; it was impossible not to be drawn into his warmth. In a way, Sasuke is responsible for Gaara and Lee's relationship.
"I can't believe you survived." Gaara says. It's surreal. Sasuke is here, alive. Sasuke is coherent. Sasuke is human. Sasuke responds to Gaara's voice instead of seeing right through him like he used to, before. "I'm tempted to send Naruto presents."
"He likes ramen." Sasuke mumbles. He's completely focused on Neji and hasn't noticed Gaara's thoughtful look.
"Lee always wants exercise equipment."
"And steroids?" Sasuke jokes. To say Lee is ripped would be an understatement. Many boys their age have abs, Gaara, Sasuke and Neji included, but Lee's built in a way only an exercise junkie can be.
"Of course not, steroids are dishonorable." Gaara lets out a rare laugh. Sasuke's past is chilling, but even the thought of Lee makes him feel all warm inside. "What are they talking about now?"
"The weather."
"I say we lock them in a dark room and don't let them out until they fuck." Gaara hisses. He can no longer feel his toes inside his boots. He wants, no needs, Neji and Shikamaru to start fucking on the dining table, in front of the uppity Maitre d', so Gaara can go back to Lee's apartment, and wait in his boyfriend's bed, naked under the covers instead of all these uncomfortable layers. Lee can come home from his daily workout, and they can fuck until the neighbors start complaining.
"Let's call that plan B." Sasuke huffs, unaware of the sexual turn Gaara's thoughts have taken. "Neji knows we're watching him."
"Impossible. The Byakugan isn't activated." Gaara scoffs, "Even if it was, we're standing in his blind spot, I made sure of that."
"He still knows we're watching."
"If he didn't want babysitters," Gaara pulls out the candy bar Lee always manages to slip in his pocket, "Then he shouldn't be so hopeless at this love crap."
"Your boyfriend is trying to make you fat."
"He says it makes me sweet." Gaara munches on sugary chocolate. "Obesity doesn't run in my family, thank god. Speaking of family…"
"What the fuck?" Sasuke lets out a growl. "What's your sister doing here?"
Temari, dressed impeccably in the same shirt Deidara spent last night camped in front of his laptop for, so he could order it first, and a short skirt which shows off perfect legs, bends down to give Shikamaru a kiss on the cheek which lingers far too long to be between just friends.
"That's not good." Gaara sighs, "I had no idea she was interested in Nara. She has literally never even mentioned his name."
"Fuck me." Sasuke smacks his forehead as Temari sits herself down beside Shikamaru, Neji watching them helplessly. "Shikamaru gets more pussy than I used to."
"He must be some kind of sex god." Gaara shakes his head, "How can anyone so lazy satisfy all those women?"
"Call your sister," Sasuke hisses, panicked, "Tell her to get lost."
Before Gaara can even reach for his phone, Neji politely excuses himself and walks away. Temari moves herself to Neji's abandoned seat. It seems as if it was her date with Shikamaru all along.
Sasuke lets out a sob, "Why is this happening to me?"
"Matchmaking's just not for everyone," Gaara places a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.
"Stop it." Neji joins them a moment later, "Sasuke, it's fine."
"I just wanted to go on a double date with you." Sasuke throws his hands up. "You've wanted him for so long."
"Not all couples are meant to be." Neji says, sounding eerily like Naruto earlier. "Maybe it's a good thing."
"How the hell is that a good thing?" Sasuke asks incredulously, and gestures toward Shikamaru and Temari, who are clinking glasses filled with rose champagne.
"Maybe we're not for each other."
"You're going to give up?" Sasuke gives Neji a look which would have made a lesser man curl up on the sidewalk in shame. "Goddammit Neji…"
"Jesus fucking Christ." Gaara's outraged whisper nips their potential argument in the bud.
Neji and Sasuke turn around and direct their attention to the window. Kakashi is down on one knee with a ring in one hand. Iruka bursts into tears and throws himself in Kakashi's arms. The entire dining hall erupts into cheers and choruses of congratulations.
"Dinner's on me folks," Kakashi yells from underneath Iruka, who's sobbing into his chest. "Order whatever you want."
The dining room goes psycho. The volume of the room threatens to tear it down. This is a pricey restaurant, and Kakashi's offered something even the richest of patrons would think twice about.
"Who are you calling?" Neji turns to Sasuke.
"My mate." Sasuke smiles sweetly when the person on the other end picks up the phone. "Chouji, darling. Free dinner at the new restaurant downtown. Get down here fast."
"You are mean," Gaara lets out a startled laugh, "This restaurant is expensive, even Kakashi's going to feel the blow on his bank account if Chouji actually shows up."
Before Sasuke can even open his mouth to respond, the love of his life appears out of nowhere.
"I came as fast as I could." Chouji is panting desperately. The boy is clearly not used to running.
"How the hell did you get here so fast?" Neji asks Chouji, alarmed at the deep breathing. "Are you okay? Should we call the paramedics?"
"Fine…" Chouji doubles over and places his hands on his knees, "Food… now…"
"Right this way, darling." Sasuke takes Chouji's arm and leads him inside. "Let's dine our troubles away."
"Chouji?" Ino comes running a few minutes later with a ridiculous number of shopping bags in hand. "Where did he go?"
Gaara nods at the scene inside the restaurant.
Ino doesn't even notice the spectacle that is Kakashi and Iruka on the floor, surrounded by cheering restaurant patrons, nor the fact that Sasuke is threatening the Maitre' d into letting Chouji and him in despite the fact that they have no reservations. Her eyes land on Shikamaru and Temari, who are smiling warmly at each other.
"Gaara, what's your skank sister doing with Shikamaru?"
"My sister is not a skank." Gaara glares at Ino, who ignores him completely. "They are on a date."
"He was supposed to be here with Neji." The look in Ino's eyes could freeze water.
"I have other engagements. Have a good night." That said, Neji disappears around the corner. It's annoying enough to be interrupted by one of Shikamaru's women during dinner; it's another thing entirely to have yet another leggy blond get jealous over the Nara heir.
Neji may be a product of the Branch family but he's still a Hyuuga prince. Having his every whim catered to is in his very blood. Privilege courses through his veins. Fighting for something, let alone the person he's always wanted, the most important thing in his life is out of the question.
Neji is a big believer in destiny. His fate has been sealed from the day he was born. If Shikamaru and he were meant to be, it would have happened already, like Gaara and Lee, Sasuke and Naruto.
"I'm sure it's nothing serious." Gaara offers Ino, who's attempting to glare a hole through Shikamaru's skull, "Temari's boyfriends never stick around long."
Shikamaru is a total babe. Temari didn't get all dressed up for nothing. "I'm sure she'll make an exception this time." Ino grits her teeth and walks away with an insane amount of grace for someone wearing six inch heels and carrying what look like supremely heavy bags.
"Alone again," Gaara mumbles as he makes his way over to the gym Lee spends most of his non-Gaara time at. "Naturally."
"I'm bored." Naruto pouts up at the ceiling of his new bedroom.
His parents are missing in action. None of Naruto's new friends can be reached. Every single one of their phones going to answering machines. Naruto even tried calling Yahiko out of desperation, but nobody picked up.
It's weird being alone without Sasuke pawing him for sex. Naruto sighs and glances at his wedding portrait. Sasuke looks like an archangel. So majestic and triumphant. Naruto feels his heart swell up with warmth and love. He looks that way because of me. I saved him.
The bed feels huge without Sasuke. Naruto organized his clothes, first by color, and then by season. He manages to spend some time on the internet, before slamming his laptop shut. He tries to read an old romance novel of his mother's she accidentally packed in with Naruto's things and abandons the book when the author gets to the part where They slowly leaned in for a kiss, but Mable sneezed all over Edmund's face.
"I'm bored." Naruto sighs. At this point he's desperate and will try anything. I should find Deidara; see if he wants to spend time with me.
Usually, Naruto's extreme fear of Deidara would keep him from trying anything so drastic, but Deidara's been so kind and warm and welcoming toward Naruto from day one. It's hard not to want to reach out to the older blond.
So Naruto makes his way through the dimly lit halls of the mansion, extremely proud of himself for not getting scared or lost. He's only been here two weeks and kinda knows his way around this place.
When he reaches the master bedroom, he knocks. No response. That worries Naruto. He knows Deidara and Itachi are home. They would have told him if they were leaving the house. Itachi is extremely anal about who's entering and leaving the mansion, and Kisame's extreme detail to security only facilitates Itachi's OCD.
Are they okay? Naruto asks himself. Worried at the lack of response, he lets himself in.
The room is pitch dark. Naruto stumbles through it, only to hear some low, deep snarls coming from the dimly lit closet area. Deidara and Itachi are both shopaholics, and the size of their closet reflects that fact.
Sounds like a wild animal. Naruto is internally freaking out. Are they being mauled? Over my dead body.
"Say it." Itachi voice rings through the silence. "Say my name."
"I-Itachi." Deidara's voice answers and it sounds hurt. "Itachi!"
Is he hurting Deidara? Naruto hears the animalistic grunts and jumps to the worst conclusions. Deidara's pregnancy has only served to make Naruto overly protective and paranoid when it comes to Itachi's mate.
The scene which greets Naruto when he peeks around the corner and into the closet makes the image of Jugo and Kimimaro in his head seem innocent and asexual in comparison.
The couple in question is surrounded by couture. Itachi's dark suits hung meticulously are a sharp contrast to Deidara's brighter colored clothes. Shoes which cost more than most people's monthly incomes, watches, belts and diamond studded cufflinks. Drawers full of what must be Deidara's lockets and bracelets. Naruto doesn't notice any of it. His attention is immediately captured by the uke braced precariously against the floor length mirror, and the seme taking him from behind like a wild animal.
Itachi's figure is always hidden by suits, or at the very least, dark shirts. It's a shock for Naruto to witness the glorious expanse of his back, his shoulders, or his perfect muscular ass as he thrusts brutally into Deidara's willing body.
Deidara's hair is undone, and Naruto gets to see the legendary platinum tresses in their unleashed glory.
Naruto's jaw drops, and he finds himself unable to move for a few moments. Those seconds show Naruto what rough sex really is.
Itachi doesn't hold back, gripping Deidara's hips hard enough to surely leave bruises for days. "Who do you belong to?"
Naruto doesn't understand how Itachi is so composed when Deidara looks like that, like pure lust personified, so uninhibited, and so raw.
"Itachi!" Deidara simpers helplessly, "Itachi sama."
"The father of your child, who is he?" Itachi continues to question Deidara as he thrusts in with machine like precision, relentless against Deidara's deepest pleasure centres, designed to make the sexy blond completely lose his mind.
"You." Deidara sobs and throws his head back against Itachi's shoulder as he comes and paints the mirror he's against with his release. Naruto has no idea how the mirror hasn't shattered. "You are everything." He whimpers afterward.
Itachi doesn't slow down, or even allow Deidara to catch his breath for a second, just continues to leisurely thrust inside the blonde's sensitive passage.
Deidara lets out pleasured moans, enjoying the way Itachi feels inside him.
Itachi buries a hand in Deidara's hair, forcing him to turn his neck and claims those perfect lips.
Naruto snaps out of his daze and manages to retreat from the room without making a sound. He stumbles through the dim hallways thoughtlessly, ignoring Kisame who repeatedly asks him what's wrong, before escorting him to his own room. Naruto is thankful; because he's not sure he could have found his way back to his own room without getting lost. His newfound knowledge of the mansion has completely escaped him.
Sasuke is waiting for him when he returns to his room.
"Gaara's sister ruined everything. She chased Neji away from Shikamaru." Sasuke takes off his shirt as he rants about his eventful evening, "Kakashi proposed to Iruka. Chouji put a huge dent in Kakashi's bank account. He ate until we were both kicked out. Kakashi was so relieved when the kitchens cut Chouji off."
When Naruto, who has something to say about everything, doesn't answer, Sasuke turns around and gives his mate a calculating look. "Dobe?"
Naruto's cheeks are flushed, and his arousal is suddenly very obvious to Sasuke's heightened senses. From the sweet, seductive scent to the tent in Naruto's pants.
"Dobe," Sasuke finds himself responding to Naruto's excited state, "What have you been doing?"
"N-nothing!" Naruto says defensively.
"Dobe," Sasuke orders Naruto, "Clothes, off."
Naruto can't help but obey, shedding his clothes and allowing Sasuke to grab him around the waist and throw him on the bed.
"What's got you so turned on?" Sasuke asks jealously. He hasn't been around, why is his bride so horny?
"Nothing!" Naruto snaps, "You going to fuck me, or not?"
Sasuke settles comfortably between spread thighs, "We're not done talking about this." He says before capturing pretty, pouty lips into a bruising kiss.
The small blond is already slick from their morning romp, and Sasuke slips in like he belongs there, as if he's home.
Naruto finds himself comparing Sasuke and Itachi's technique and blushes even harder when Sasuke starts growling, "Say my name!"
"Sasuke," Naruto whimpers and finds himself thinking of Itachi and Deidara, no matter how hard he tries not to.
Sasuke, oblivious to Naruto's inner dilemma, finds himself with an image of Sai challenging his claim on his mate. His thrusts get rougher and more animalistic, making him even more similar to Itachi.
Naruto mewls and takes it, I won't be able to walk straight for weeks, are his final thoughts before his mind goes blissfully blank with pleasure.
"Pass the salad, please," Itachi asks Naruto politely.
Naruto would have usually made a remark about lazy bastards or, not your personal servant, asshole, but not a word comes out of him as he quietly obeys and hands Itachi the bowl he asked for.
Kisame's jaw drops. "He's sick!"
"Am not!" Naruto protests weakly. He doesn't dare lift his gaze.
"He was fine earlier," Sasuke's heart sinks. Naruto's cheeks are flushed adorably. The boy looks feverish. Did I fuck my dobe when he's sick? Naruto was limping so much after their aggressive humping; Sasuke had to carry the poor blond downstairs for dinner. He's still shifting uncomfortably on the pillow he's sitting on.
"Naruto, sweetheart," Deidara places a hand on said boy's forehead, "You feel kind of warm, un."
Naruto colors even more.
"That's it." Sasuke freaks when Naruto whines like a kicked puppy at Deidara's gentle touch. "No way is he going to school tomorrow."
"I'm fine." Naruto says again. The sound is barely audible. Sasuke is sure he wouldn't have heard it at all if he wasn't so attuned to his dobe's every movement.
"What's wrong, baby?" Deidara coos at Naruto. "Tell us all about it, un." He's feeling all maternal because of his pregnancy, and Naruto's baby face and wide blue eyes only makes him feel more protective of the small blond.
"Yes, Naruto," Itachi says, his manner deceptively innocent, "Tell us all about it."
Naruto looks up at his brother-in-law suddenly, "You bastard," He screeches, "You knew all along!"
"What does Itachi know?" Sasuke turns to Naruto.
Deidara turns to his husband and repeats Sasuke's question, "What does Itachi sama know, un?"
"Ask Naruto," Itachi's expression goes from innocent to dirty angel in an instance, "If he enjoyed the performance."
"What performance?" Deidara, Sasuke and Kisame ask Naruto together.
"I saw Itachi and Deidara having sex." Naruto blurts out.
Kisame falls out of his chair, so powerful is his booming laugh.
Deidara's face colors and he's frozen in shock as Naruto lets out a shriek and runs out the room.
"In Naruto's defense," Sasuke turns to Itachi who is serenely consuming his dango, "he's an idiot."
"He liked what he saw," Itachi declares.
"He sure did." Sasuke confirms, relieved that his dobe was horny because he saw Itachi and Deidara, not something outrageous like thinking of Sai. "I better go after him, before he walks into someone else having sex."
Kisame guffaws at Sasuke's comment, unable to breath from his place on the floor.
"I will go after him," Deidara snaps out of his daze as soon as Sasuke gets up. "Let me talk to him, un."
"Ask him what his favourite part was," Itachi tells Deidara, sending Kisame into a painful stage of laughter, where no sound comes out, just a silent shake of his chest.
"Naruto," Deidara follows the younger blond to yet another bathroom (it's starting to become their thing) and pushes his body against the door to keep him from slamming it shut and locking him out, "Oh no you don't."
"I'm sorry," Naruto yells at Deidara and climbs in the tub behind him to put some space between them. "It was an accident!"
"I know," Deidara puts both hands up in the air.
"I'm not a pervert." Naruto sniffles, "I didn't mean to spy on you and Itachi bastard."
"I know." Deidara offers Naruto his hand, "Come out of the tub, and we can talk, un."
"Please don't kick me out of your house," Naruto looks like a cornered animal, "I promise I won't watch you again."
"You can," Deidara shrugs, "But ask Itachi sama's permission first."
"I don't want to!" Naruto says defensively, "I'm not a pervert!"
"It's fine, un." Deidara takes Naruto's hand and forces him to step out of the tub.
"You won't kick me out," Naruto frowns, "Promise?"
"Don't be silly," Deidara scoffs, "We would never abandon you and Sasuke like that, un."
"You don't have to kick Sasuke out!" Naruto defends his husband, "He's not a pervert."
"If we kicked you out, Sasuke would follow you, un."
"I didn't mean it."
"What were you doing in our room anyway?"
"I was bored," Naruto's voice is small, "I wanted to spend time with you."
"Aww," Deidara pulls Naruto against himself, "Sweetie…"
"I'm not a pervert," Naruto mumbles in Deidara's neck.
"Of course you aren't, un."
"I'm sorry."
"No," Deidara strokes Naruto's hair, "I'm sorry, un. I'm sure it was a very traumatizing experience for you."
"Traumatizing?" Naruto scoffs, "You need to look up what that means."
Deidara pulls back from the embrace and studies Naruto's face. "So, nothing about me was… ugly?"
"Ugly?" Naruto makes an outraged face, "You? The word ugly could never be applied to you in any context, ever. Let alone your body." As far as Naruto is concerned, Deidara is the very definition of loveliness.
He must not have seen my mouths, Deidara thinks, relieved, thank god.
"Listen to me," Naruto grabs Deidara's shoulders, "You are perfect. There is absolutely nothing ugly about you."
"Of course," Deidara smiles weakly.
"I got hard," Naruto can't believe he's admitting this out loud, but it's important for Deidara to hear this. No pregnant person should ever be self-conscious about their looks, let alone someone as glowing and godly as Deidara. "You guys turned me on. I had Sasuke fuck me senseless to get it out of my system."
"I understand," Deidara can't believe he got so lucky. He was naked, getting fucked in front of a mirror, and Naruto just happened to be standing at an angle where Itachi was completely covering him, and the mouths weren't visible.
"I couldn't help it." Naruto sounds apologetic.
Deidara feels weak with relief all of a sudden. Naruto's grip is the only thing keeping him standing. "It's only natural, un" He tries to comfort Naruto; the boy is clearly very upset over this.
"It was just so beautiful," Naruto blushes, "You are so beautiful."
"Thank you," Deidara allows himself another sigh of relief. He understands that Naruto is going to find out about his extra mouths eventually, but better later than sooner. Deidara isn't ready to explain his bloodline to Naruto.
"You are perfect," Naruto pulls Deidara into a hug, "Itachi is lucky to have you."
Deidara gasps out a laugh. Naruto's attempts to soothe his ego are well-meaning, yet humorous. He knows what his looks can do to people. Itachi and Sasori almost murdered each other over him for a reason. Even someone as innocent and sweet as Naruto fell victim to Deidara's raw sexuality.
Naruto takes Deidara's laugh to mean that the elder blond doesn't believe him. "You are super pretty. I have never seen a more beautiful person."
"You're sweet," Deidara places a kiss in Naruto's hair.
"I mean it," Naruto looks up at Deidara with pure adoration. That long blond mane, stormy gray eyes; the scent of him. Itachi is the luckiest person in the world.
"I know." Naruto's admiration of Deidara is pure. Unlike most people, he doesn't want to possess Deidara, or is jealous of him because he is beautiful. The honest affection is refreshing. Deidara hopes Naruto still feels this way when he sees the rest of his mouths. "Let's go back and finish dinner, un."
Kisame's giggles have stopped by the time Deidara and Naruto come back, but the mirth in his eyes is obvious.
"Dobe," Sasuke tells his mate when he sits down, "When I told you to stay out of trouble, I did not mean get a front seat when my brother and his mate are fornicating."
Kisame bursts out laughing again.
"Stop teasing him," Deidara comes to Naruto's defense. "He didn't mean it, un."
"He lingered," Itachi says, "He could have left when he first caught a glimpse, but he watched us."
"I couldn't help myself, okay!" Naruto's tone is equal parts loud and remorseful, "You guys should be porn stars. You made sex look like art."
"Oh Naruto," Deidara gasps.
"Wow," Sasuke says as his brother-in-law bursts into tears.
"I'm sorry," Naruto says, panicked, giving Itachi fearful looks. Surely the bastard will smack Naruto for making his pregnant mate cry.
"That's the best thing anyone's ever said about anything," Deidara pulls Naruto into his lap, making the smaller blond squeak with surprise.
"Deidara is an artist," Itachi explains as he sips his coffee, sweetened just to his liking, "Art is everything to him."
"You gave me the best compliment of my life," Deidara tells Naruto tearfully.
"I think you need a bigger bed," Kisame manages to stop giggling for a few seconds to tell Itachi, "Now that Naruto's moving into your bedroom and all."
"Our bed is big enough for all three of us." Itachi replies calmly.
Naruto tries to get off Deidara's lap, but the older blond lets out a whimper when he tries to move. For the first time tonight, Itachi actually looks angry with Naruto. "Deidara isn't done holding you."
"Dobe," Sasuke chastises Naruto, "Deidara's pregnant. Don't hurt his feelings."
"What exactly about the sex was artistic, un?" Deidara's eyes look like crystals when tear filled.
"Yes," Itachi takes deep pleasure in Naruto's mortification, "What was the most artistic part?"
Kisame claps his hands together joyfully, "I love Naruto."
"Everything," Naruto can't help but be honest, his loud mouth will be the death of him. "The setting, your reflection in the mirror, your hair…"
"You saw Deidara's hair down?" Sasuke looks enraptured with Naruto's story. Even Kisame has stopped laughing. "What was it like?"
"It was like a waterfall of sparkly gold," Naruto's description makes Deidara smile with so much love, Itachi starts to feel an inkling of jealousy, which is ridiculous because Naruto is a uke. He could never please Deidara like Itachi can.
Can he? Itachi thinks to himself. I would have to kill him if he could.
Naruto continues, "They sounded like wild animals."
"What was Itachi's ass like?" Kisame asks, making his best friend frown.
"I d-don't know," Naruto blushes even more, Sasuke didn't think it was possible. "I wasn't looking at Itachi. My attention was focused on Deidara."
"Right," Itachi rolls his eyes, "You didn't see me at all."
"I didn't!" Naruto maintains his stance. "I had no idea you were even there." He would die before he admits his appreciation of Itachi's body. That the elder brother looks so much like Sasuke, but fully grown and more dangerous.
"Dobe," Sasuke sighs, "This is the second incident this month."
"It was an accident!"
"You like to watch sexy couples have sex," Sasuke massages his forehead. "It's okay."
"To be fair," Deidara rubs Naruto's back soothingly, "The Jugo and Kimimaro thing really was an accident, un."
"I'm not a pervert!" Naruto yells helplessly, "Sasuke, you have to believe me."
"I get it," Sasuke throws his hands up, "If I was uke, and I could get away with spying on attractive people humping, I would too."
"I wasn't spying!" Naruto pouts, making Deidara coo at his adorableness.
"That's too bad," Kisame says, the grin on his face ear splitting, "Because you're really good at it."
"Has this happened before?" Itachi asks Naruto.
"No!" Naruto quickly exclaims. "It hasn't."
"It has!" Kisame slams both his hands on the table, startling everyone but Itachi. "Who did you see?"
"No one." Naruto sniffles. "Stop being mean to me." He used to have an unfortunate habit of walking into people's bedrooms without knocking. He knocked tonight! He's getting better.
"You saw your parents didn't you?" Kisame continues his uncomfortable line of questioning. "Badass blond and saucy redhead. How was it?"
"Stop it," Naruto buries his face in Deidara's neck. He's never walked in on his parents, which is lucky, because he would have to kill himself after.
"Give him a break," Sasuke tells Kisame, "He has a problem."
"He has a gift!" Kisame sounds as if he is describing a triumphant hero, "A glorious gift."
"I don't." Naruto whispers. "I just walk into all the wrong rooms."
"It's okay," Deidara kisses Naruto's cheeks, "We all have our vices, un. You can watch me and Itachi sama, just warn us before you do, un." So I can throw some gloves and a shirt on.
"I have no objection to Naruto watching us." Itachi smirks, "He might even learn a thing or two."
"I am not a pervert," Naruto says for what seems like the twentieth time. "I swear."
"It's natural to be curious, un." Deidara is very supportive of Naruto's voyeurism. "It's how you learn."
"I don't want to learn anything." Naruto tries to escape Deidara's hold but fails. Itachi's mate is deceptively strong, despite being more feminine and pregnant. "I just want to die."
"Don't be a drama queen." Itachi drawls.
"If anyone should be hysterical it should be me." Sasuke says, "My mate is a peeping tom."
"Sasuke," Naruto says mournfully, "Why won't you believe me? It was an accident."
"Can you do Hidan and Kakuzu next?" Kisame asks Naruto, "I've always wondered what they do in bed."
"I'm not taking requests!" Naruto snaps.
"Walk in on Nagato and his mates next," Itachi delicately sips his coffee, so unlike earlier in the night, when he was a sexual beast; now he's a sophisticated gentleman, "If you can that is, with the Rinnegan being involved."
"What the hell is Rinnegan?" Naruto asks.
"I was always curious about Nagato." Sasuke agrees with his brother. "Every night's a threesome."
"Rinnegan is Nagato's bloodline." Deidara explains kindly, his arms still locked tight around Naruto's waist, hold the squirming blond close, "The eyes of god."
"He should totally go for world domination." Itachi says casually, "He would be good at it."
Naruto remembers Nagato's eyes. They were… extreme to say the least. He has no idea how Konan and Yahiko live with someone so intense. The guy makes Itachi looks relaxed and laid back.
"The world would be so boring if Nagato ran it." Kisame groans. "Peace this, harmony that, fuck him. I say Itachi runs the world."
"The world would be equally boring if I ran it." Itachi says dryly. "I like peace just as much as Nagato."
"It would be perfect, un." Deidara says encouragingly. "You would be an excellent god." You're already the god of my universe. He thinks adoringly, admiring how much more relaxed Itachi looks compared to just earlier today, when he was insanely stressed about the merger Fugaku managed to fuck up. This is why Deidara loves sex so much. Not only because it feels good, but also the effect it has on Itachi's well-being.
"I am having enough trouble running father's business." Itachi says and he looks so tired all of a sudden. The other four people in the room notice.
"You should let me help." Sasuke worries about Itachi. The elder brother looks drained to say the least. "You can teach me what to do."
"You need to get an education first." Itachi wants his brother to be a child as long as he can be. Just because Itachi had to go to work in his teens doesn't mean Sasuke should.
"You can't leave school, dummy," Kisame smacks Sasuke upside the head.
"Sasuke go to school with me." Naruto pleads. "I don't want to go without you."
"Itachi needs me." Sasuke wants to shoulder half of Itachi's burden. Hell, he'd take all of Itachi's burden if he could. Then Itachi and Deidara could have the perfect home life while Sasuke works at the office, and Naruto could be his sexy secretary, always willing to give his boss blowjobs under the desk while the endless, boring meetings go on and on.
"I need you to go to school." Itachi rolls his eyes at Sasuke's glazed over look. He can tell his younger brother is fantasizing about some kind of kinky office scenario which involves Naruto. "It's office work, Sasuke. I'm really not the martyr you think I am."
"Right." Sasuke snaps out of it, but can't help but give Naruto a deeply lustful look. Naruto would be the perfect secretory; Sasuke would even talk his dobe into wearing the sluttiest miniskirts. Naruto remains oblivious to Sasuke's fantasy, trying to escape Deidara's steely hold.
"Chouji's coming to live with us." Kisame smirks at Itachi, "I purchased more rations than usual."
"Chouji's family likes to eat, un." Deidara tightens his hold just when Naruto's about to break free and enjoys the squeak the smaller blond lets out.
"That's an understatement." Kisame grumbles. "His father pushed you and Itachi out of the way at your wedding to get to the cake first."
Itachi wrinkles his nose. "He does that at every wedding."
"I'm more concerned about Sakura coming here, un." Deidara says, "I don't like it."
Sasuke lets out an agonized moan. It's clear from the sound that he had forgotten all about his magenta-haired ex coming to live with them for what will feel like an eternity.
"It will be fine," Naruto reassures his husband from across the table, "I won't start a fight."
"It's not you we're worried about, blondie." Kisame scoffs, "It's Lady Pink."
"I don't trust her." Itachi admits, "Her fascination with Sasuke was, quite something."
"She seemed fine the other day," Naruto's voice is small. "She seems to have moved on."
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Kisame reminds everyone. "Lady Pink's probably planning her revenge."
"If someone took Itachi sama away from me…" Deidara closes his eyes midsentence as if to calm himself down at the mere thought, Naruto shivers in his hold, "There wouldn't be a single building left standing in Konoha."
Itachi lips quirk up, pleased. While unnecessary, Deidara's jealousy is very much appreciated.
"Stop talking about exploding Konoha." Sasuke chastises Deidara, who has gone from maternal angel to serial killer in mere seconds, "You are scaring dobe."
"Do we need to call the bomb squad?" Kisame sounds awfully serious.
"Of course not," Deidara opens his eyes and smiles, back to angel mode, "As long as those horny bitches at the office stay away from my husband, un."
"Horny bitches at the office?" Naruto asks.
"A group of extremely well-dressed, attractive females dedicated to be the second Mrs. Itachi Uchiha." Kisame answers Naruto's frightened question.
"You have nothing to worry about," Itachi tells Deidara, who has the same look on his face, that he did when he destroyed Hidan's makeshift temple in Konoha High's backyard.
"Of course I don't, un," Deidara smiles poisonously at his husband, making Naruto whimper with distress, "Just like you shouldn't worry about Sasori, Sasuke shouldn't worry about Sai, and Kisame shouldn't worry about the woman living in the dumpster outside his apartment."
"I kinda like her," Kisame shrugs, "She breaks in once in a while and cleans. She even makes dinner and leaves it on the kitchen table. It's nice to come home to a home-cooked meal."
At the horrified looks directed at him, Kisame throws up his hands, "What? I deserve love in my life."
Itachi says slowly, "She steals your underwear."
"Saves me the trouble of washing my old pairs." Kisame's tone is casual and relaxed.
"You need therapy," Itachi declares to his best friend, "You are lucky I can afford to pay your medical bills."
"I'm doing just fine," Kisame openly laughs at Itachi, "It's you people who have issues. You can't trust each other."
"We trust each other just fine." Itachi says, offended. "I trust Deidara more than anyone in the world."
"Then why the possessive caveman routine every time Sasori propositions him?" Kisame manages to laugh in Itachi's face when the Uchiha glares daggers at him. Naruto has new respect for demon shark. Itachi looks like a wraith when angry. "Why can't you all just calm down? You're married. There's nothing Lady Pink or Sasori, or whoever's masturbating to Naruto's pictures can do about it."
Sasuke scowls at the last part, but keeps his mouth shut.
"He's right," Naruto says, "We should trust each other more." He's given up on fighting Deidara's hold, and slumps back in the other blonde's arms.
"Remember that when Sakura stabs you." Sasuke says sarcastically.
"I won't let her stab you, un" Deidara promises, pleased that Naruto is relinquishing control to him, "I will explode her before that."
"And thereby killing the rest of us in the process." Itachi says, sounding disturbingly fond of Deidara's terrorist tendencies.
"I have the bomb squad on speed dial," Kisame announces, "And the fire department, and the police, and poison control, and…"
"We get the point, Kisame." Itachi interrupts.
"I will kill Kakashi on his wedding day." Sasuke says venomously, "That will show the bastard."
"I wonder how blondie's dad will react to the upcoming nuptials." Kisame looks at Naruto questioningly. "Does he know yet?"
"I don't know." Naruto says, his expression pinched with worry, "I'm not looking forward to him finding out."
"Kakashi!" Minato screams, "You come out here this instant."
"We're going to get arrested." Kushina informs her husband. "You're too pretty for prison, I will do just fine."
They are standing outside Kakashi's building. It's about negative 20 outside, and Kushina is seriously starting to question her husband's sanity. Residents of the building are starting to peek out their windows, probably considering calling the police and complain about a deranged blond and his redheaded accomplice.
"You're getting married?" Minato hollers when Kakashi steps out into his balcony, a worried Iruka beside him. "God damn it, Kakashi. Could have picked up the fucking phone."
Kakashi says nothing, his silence stings worse than anything he could have said.
"I wish you the best. No matter where you end up in life." Minato's voice breaks mid-scream and he ends up whispering the last part.
Kushina remains standing when Minato gives up screaming and climbs back into the driver's seat. "He will never give up on you." She screams at Kakashi, "I hope you know that."
That said, she joins Minato in the car.
When the couple drives off, Iruka wraps both his arms around Kakashi, shivering. "You need to make up with him. He clearly loves you."
Kakashi says nothing. His one visible eye stares at the spot Minato's car was even after the blond drives off with his wife.
"Oh Kakashi," Iruka sighs and leads his fiancé inside, "What am I going to do with you?"
"Put a ring on it?" Kakashi jokes half-heartedly, sighing with relief when they step inside the lovely, cozy heat of his, soon to be their apartment.
"Babe," Iruka says, "What happened between the two of you?"
Kakashi shrugs elusively.
"Oh no you don't," Iruka crawls into Kakashi's lap, and places both hands on his shoulders, "I'm done with your diversion tactics, mister."
"Families break apart." Kakashi says, and the resignation in his voice breaks Iruka's heart, "Nothing we can do about it."
"The hell we can't," Iruka gently removes Kakashi's mask, ignoring the way his heart starts beating faster at the sight of his face. It's a good thing the man keeps it covered, those features could derail traffic. The mismatched eyes would look wonky on anyone else, but they work with Kakashi's cheekbones, his delicate lips, and the silver mane. Everything about Kakashi works. "What exactly did Minato do to deserve such a cold shoulder?"
"Our relationship is over," Kakashi smiles and Iruka's heart twists in his chest.
Kakashi's father died under tragic circumstances, he has no siblings or best friends. Minato seems to love Kakashi like a father, and damn, the idiot needs paternal love in his life, whether he realizes it or not.
"That reality show I like is on soon," Kakashi reaches for the remote and turns the TV on.
"We are not done talking about this," Iruka warns Kakashi and rests his head on the man's shoulder, inhaling his comforting scent.
"We are for now." Kakashi sing-songs as the woman who released her sex tape claims for the hundredth time that it was an accident.
"I love you," Iruka tells Kakashi, who giggles at the ridiculous storyline the show's producers are trying to pass off as real. "You know that, right?"
"I love you more, darling." Kakashi places a kiss on Iruka's forehead, "Now shut up, you're interrupting quality TV."
"More like no-quality bullshit." Iruka grumbles and closes his eyes, promptly falling asleep against Kakashi's chest, which rumbles with delighted laughter.