Chapter Fourteen
"I sense a disturbance in the air." Chouji says as a plate full of pancakes is place in front of him. "Something's off about you people." He's moved himself in the Uchiha mansion for the next two months as of this morning.
"Ugh," Sasuke makes a face, "Even Chouji's noticing our emotional distress. We need help."
"We are having some family issues," Deidara says kindly as Chouji inhales one of his pancakes, "It's pretty routine, un."
Chouji nods sagely, "I get that."
"You do?" Kisame asks as Deidara ruffles his hair, ruining the hairstyle he spent an hour creating this morning.
"Of course," Chouji sounds like a world weary elder, not the teenage goofball he really is.
"Please," Itachi implores the rotund child, "Explain."
"My life is a mess." Chouji shakes his head and sighs, "It's not going how I want it to."
"You have problems?" Sasuke asks disbelievingly.
"Of course I have problems." Chouji says, "I hide them well, because I am so emotionally stable."
"You eat enough to feed a small country," Kisame says, "I always thought you were trying to eat your feelings."
"My best friend is having relationship issues."
"Which best friend is that?" Sasuke asks, terribly interested. Lots of people love Chouji, the kid could be talking about a number of people.
"Shikamaru and Neji's relationship isn't progressing as fast as I would like it to." Chouji says sadly, "I was hoping that Shikamaru and Neji could get married and live happily ever after, kinda like you guys." He gestures to the two Uchiha couples.
The entire room goes silent for the next few minutes to process this information, finally, Sasuke speaks. "You know about Neji's obsession with Shikamaru?"
"Everyone knows," Chouji says, after polishing off the last pancake. "I'm not stupid."
"No one said you were," Naruto says.
"Shikamaru is the smartest person in the world," Kisame says, "And he has no idea."
"It's weird," Chouji makes a face, "It's as if everything's right in front of him and Shikamaru's somehow blocked it out. I don't get it."
"I would have thought you would want Shikamaru to end up with Ino." Deidara says, "Or do you want Ino for yourself?"
"I want Shikamaru to have someone who loves him more than I do." Chouji says with fire in his eyes, "He's my best friend. He always defended me when people call me fat. He never called me dumb, and was always patient with me when I wouldn't get our homework. This is someone who means the whole world to me. He is my brother." Chouji says passionately, "No one deserves Shikamaru; but if it's anyone I approve of, it's Neji."
"Damn," Kisame says, impressed, "I didn't know you had any thoughts inside your head beside where your next meal is coming from."
"I have never seen you that fanatical about anything," Sasuke tells Chouji, who he's known since early childhood, "This is new for me."
"I don't know what to do," Chouji massages his forehead, "I tried to take Ino shopping during Neji and Shikamaru's dinner, but then Sasuke messaged me some extremely important news."
"Free dinner," Sasuke tells the room, "It was just free dinner."
"Extremely important news," Chouji nods, as if agreeing with Sasuke.
"So," Sasuke pushes his plate of pancakes toward Chouji, who looks as if someone's donated him a kidney and saved his life, "If I try to get Shikamaru and Neji together, you would help me?"
"I just want a pretty, billionaire person on Shikamaru's arm." Chouji says, tearfully, "Is that too much to ask?"
"No," Kisame gets just as emotional, "It isn't."
"Hinata is a billionaire," Itachi says, "Neji's net worth is in the most, in the millions."
"Why do you know everyone's financial situation?" Naruto asks Itachi, "Look who I'm talking to?" The blond smacks his forehead, "Of course you know everything about everyone. You're the second creepiest person in the creepiest family."
"Who's the creepiest?" Chouji asks.
"Uh," Naruto doesn't want to mention Madara, "Sasuke bastard, of course."
"Will Sasuke and Chouji be sharing a room?" Kisame asks, a sly smirk on his face, "Now that they're a couple?"
"Ew," Chouji makes a face, "Sasuke can't cook. He's gross."
"Wow," Kisame says, as Chouji grabs Itachi's plate next, without even asking. Itachi, who is in the middle of a pancake, makes a face. "If a girl can't make you breakfast after sex, you would kick her out, wouldn't you?"
"Why would I even have sex with a girl who can't cook?" Chouji gives Kisame an incredulous look, "What's the point of that?"
"I like you," Kisame tells Chouji, who nods as if expecting the shark's approval.
"Everyone does," Chouji shrugs, "What's not to like?"
"You might want to go easy on those," Deidara tells Chouji, who must be on his seventeenth pancake.
"Your food is so good," Chouji tells Deidara, "I want to run away with you."
"Let's see how that works out for you," Kisame giggles as Itachi gives Chouji a frosty look.
"You don't have anything to worry about, un." Deidara tells his husband, "I don't think Chouji wants me for sex."
"Sex," Chouji makes a face, "Ew. I want your food. You can keep your pretty boy toy on the side," He gestures to Itachi, who looks confused, "Just keep making me meals."
"You are strange," Sasuke tells Chouji.
"Yeah," Naruto nods in agreement, "What's the point of being married to Deidara if you won't have sex with him?"
"I love Naruto," Kisame declares at the irritated look Itachi gives Naruto next, who stares back defiantly.
"Hey," Naruto tells Itachi, "Don't be married to such a sexy person if you don't want people lusting after him."
"He's uke," Sasuke defends his mate to his brother, who looks deeply annoyed with Naruto.
"You keep saying that, Sasuke," Kisame has a reputation as an instigator, and he doesn't disappoint, "But when Naruto elopes with Deidara, Itachi's going to cut you first."
"You people are so happy," Chouji sighs sadly, the pancakes have disappeared, and his mood is steadily declining, "I wish Shikamaru, Ino and I could be that happy."
"And Neji," Sasuke adds, "You want him to be a part of your little family."
"Neji's a trophy husband," Chouji says dismissively, "I will be making all the important decisions."
"So," Naruto blinks, "You are kind of the Itachi of the whole family."
"Yes," Chouji says, giving Itachi a calculating look, "I would like to be the Itachi of my family."
"You are strange," Sasuke says to Chouji again.
"Can we keep Chouji?" Kisame turns to Itachi, who stands up to head out for the day. "Please, you can make it my Christmas and birthday present."
"My laptop, Naruto." Itachi asks his brother-in-law, who looks up innocently.
"I don't have it." Naruto crosses his arms and pouts.
Itachi sighs, "Please just hand it over. I'm late enough as it is."
"Dobe," Sasuke turns to Naruto, "Be nice."
Naruto refuses to comply. Itachi is eventually forced to go look for his computer.
"Sweetie," Deidara ruffles Naruto's hair who looks up at the pregnant blond adoringly. "Why do you keep hiding his things?"
"I don't want him to leave the house." Is Naruto's reply.
"Aww." Kisame says, his tone mocking, "Its cause you love him."
"I don't!" Naruto snaps.
"Dobe," Sasuke says as Itachi's searches the downstairs living room, and moves on to the next room in his search, "Admit it. You are starting to like Itachi."
"I hate him," Naruto insists.
"How can you hate him?" Chouji asks, surprised, "He seems like such a sweet, loving soul."
"You are a terrible judge of character," Kisame tells Chouij. "Itachi is none of those things. He doesn't even have a soul."
"I don't like it when he leaves." Naruto says petulantly, as Itachi finally retrieves his laptop, and steps outside.
"Why?" Sasuke asks.
"Because Deidara gets sad when Itachi leaves." Naruto whines.
Deidara freezes, the spoon in his hand dropping in his plate with a loud clank.
"I don't want him to go to work," Naruto rubs his eyes, "I want him to stay with Deidara and the babies."
"Naruto," Deidara smiles weakly, "It's okay if Itachi sama goes to work, un. I'm fine with it."
"No you aren't." Naruto argues. "Itachi goes to work; Sasuke and I go to school. Creepy shark person fucks off god knows where."
"I have a name," Kisame glares, "And I'm making sure this humongous house runs properly, you bitches are welcome."
"Deidara's left all alone and that's not okay." Naruto crosses his arms. "Either Itachi stops going to work, or I stop going to school."
"You don't have to worry," Deidara reassures Naruto, and fails miserably, "I'm used to it, un."
"You are pregnant," Naruto throws his hands up, "Why are you alone for nine hours a day?"
"He's not alone," Kisame says, feeling very defensive. "I check in on him every few hours."
"I'm not going to school anymore." Naruto threatens.
"After forcing me to go to school," Sasuke sighs, "You are abandoning it yourself?"
"Stop worrying." Deidara tells Naruto, "I'm okay with being alone."
"That's not the point," Naruto says, gently, because even raising his voice at Deidara is unacceptable to him, "I don't like it when you and Itachi are separated. He should take you to work with him."
"Honey, I don't think Itachi sama would get anything accomplished if I was around," Deidara blushes. "I distract him, un."
"There was a picture of Deidara at work once," Kisame says thoughtfully, "Itachi had to get rid of it. He couldn't focus with it around."
"Then you come to school with us." Naruto orders Deidara.
"Absolutely not," Sasuke says. Konoha High is not safe for a pregnant male.
"I graduated from Konoha High," Deidara reminds Sasuke. He switched schools back in the day, so he could be in the same class as Itachi.
"What was Itachi bastard like as a teenager?" Naruto asks Deidara, his eyes wide in wonder, as if he can't believe Itachi was ever younger than the twenty something god he is now.
"Fucking intense," Kisame answers, "A demon."
"He is still a demon." Naruto states.
"He's actually mellowed a lot over the years," Deidara says.
"Teenage Itachi was a nightmare." Sasuke says with of pride in his voice. "You didn't want to fuck with him."
"As opposed to now?" Naruto says sarcastically, "When it's a good idea to piss off the guy who permanently has his sharingan activated?"
"Itachi sama was," Deidara says thoughtfully, as if thinking of how to explain his husband when he was younger, "Raw, back in the day, un."
"He's so boring now," Kisame sighs.
"He had to become a more stable person," Sasuke says, a hint of sadness in his voice, "To make up for my issues."
"What issues?" Chouji asks.
"All the arrests?" Sasuke answers, "The drug abuse, the sex abuse, the binge drinking, the robbing."
"Oh," Chouji shrugs, "We all have our phases."
"Seriously," Kisame says to Chouji, "You and Sasuke make perfect sense. You guys are the perfect couple."
"You really do," Naruto is forced to agree with Kisame, as Chouji pats Sasuke's back comfortingly, as if validating his feelings, "Wow."
"I'm sorry," Chouji shakes his head at Sasuke, "You can't cook, and you don't have a sense of humor. You're just a pretty face. We can't be a couple."
"I don't want to be with you," Sasuke tells Chouji, "I'm happy with Naruto."
"I applaud Naruto for his unorthodox life choice." Chouji raises his glass of chocolate milk toward Sasuke's mate, as toasting at a wedding.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sasuke says, offended.
"Oh," Kisame rubs his hands together, "This should be good."
"Naruto is very emotionally stable," Chouji stares back, unafraid, "You are not. The two of you have a lot of work to do in your marriage."
"I like Sasuke's emotional instability," Naruto says intelligently, "I like that he needs me."
"Am I that bad of a husband?" Sasuke makes a face.
"No," Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke's neck, "You are perfect."
"Sasuke isn't perfect," Chouji seems like a completely different person when he's having a thought-provoking conversation. "He is a work in progress."
"I feel like you're the psychiatrist we've all been looking for," Kisame tells Chouji.
"What's the point?" Chouji says sadly, "Shikamaru is going to die alone."
"So is Neji," Sasuke nods, as Naruto places kisses on his face.
"We have to get their relationship started," Chouji looks so determined; it's hard to believe food isn't involved.
"How did your relationship start?" Naruto asks Deidara, who looks as if he's glowing in the morning light. Pregnancy has only served to make him even more beautiful.
"Same way yours started," Deidara says, blushing, "A group of men cornered me, and Itachi sama killed them."
"It was a large group too," Sasuke says jealously, "Like twenty people." His dobe was attacked in some ugly alley, and he didn't even get to kill that person. Itachi made such a good first impression on Deidara by massacring the group who tried to hurt his mate.
"Could Neji beat up twenty people?" Chouji asks, wanting to know more about the person he's setting his best friend up with.
"Sure," Kisame nods, "He's strong. Not Itachi strong, but still pretty badass."
"How is he, emotionally?" Chouji keeps up his line of questioning. "Is he cray cray? Like Sasuke?"
"Thanks," Sasuke says sarcastically.
"He used to be a mess," Kisame willingly answers all of Chouji's questions. "He had a lot of accepting to do, and he's a much calmer person now that he's managed to come to terms with his lot in life."
"The Main and Branch family mess," Chouji nods, "What does that entail, exactly? How will that effect Shikamaru's children?"
"Neji's children won't inherit as much money as Hinata's children, and will be in charge of protecting their Main family cousins."
"Meaning?" Chouji asks.
"Meaning," Kisame says, "If someone shoots at Hinata's kids, Neji's kids are going to have to throw themselves in the line of fire."
Chouji crosses his arms, looking like a father looking to arrange his son's marriage, "That is unacceptable."
"Things are pretty modern now, un." Deidara says, "The days of Branch family sacrificing themselves for Main family are gone."
"Still," Chouji says; his expression intense. "Is this relationship in Shikamaru's best interests?"
"You should let Shikamaru decide that," Naruto says. He knows how much he hates it when his parents dictate his life. Being married to Sasuke is Naruto's choice, and being Neji's mate should be purely Shikamaru's.
"Yes," Sasuke says quickly. "Please, talk to him." Chouji is the one person who has a solid chance of getting through to the dense Nara. "Tell him Neji loves him."
"I think it's a mental thing." Deidara says, "Maybe Shikamaru knows Neji loves him, but he's blocked it out, un."
"You are so smart," Naruto tells Deidara, who blushes at the praise.
"That's exactly the kind of relationship I want Ino and Neji to have when they move in with Shikamaru and me," Chouji gestures to Deidara and Naruto. "I want them to do each other's hair." Neji has the most beautiful mane Chouji has ever seen. Ino could use some tips. She has quite a lot of split ends.
"Are you planning on starting a harem?" Sasuke asks Chouji.
"Your brother has a harem." Chouji fires back, "He has you, and two blondes and a shark. Why shouldn't I have pretty things?"
"I like a man with vision," Kisame says to Chouji. "It's why I became an Uchiha bride."
"So," Sasuke asks Chouji hopefully, "You will talk to Neji?"
"I don't think talking will do it," Chouji tells Sasuke helplessly, "You don't know Shikamaru."
"Sadly," Sasuke growls, "I do."
"No!" Chouji sighs, "You haven't grown up with him. I have. That skull is thick as hell. Probably to protect the genius in it."
"Maybe you can stage an attack!" Deidara says, "Naruto and I both met our husbands when we were cornered, un."
"Lord," Sasuke smacks his forehead, "Has it really come to this?"
"You are really pretty and smart and I love you." Naruto tells Deidara, who can't stop blushing at the kind words.
"Babe," Iruka corners Kakashi as soon as they arrive at the club they've booked for their bachelor party.
"Yeah, babe," Kakashi grabs Iruka's hips.
"Is it appropriate to have students here?" Iruka gestures to the boys, who follow the adults with adorably lost looks on their faces.
"Of course not," Kakashi scoffs, "Sadly, they make up a lot of my friends."
"I get why Sasuke is here," Iruka knows that the Uchiha is practically Kakashi's son.
"So do I," Kakashi sighs as Sasuke climbs the bar, and pushes the bartender out of the way, ready to serve drinks himself.
"But why are there so many young students here?" Iruka makes a face when Lee grabs Neji and starts slow dancing, Gaara filming the whole thing on his phone.
"They are my babies," Kakashi complains when Iruka taps his foot, "I want them to be here when I marry their mom."
"Kakashi Hatake," Iruka hisses, "Stop calling me their mom."
"Never."
"I love you so much," Gai bursts in, and makes a beeline for Kakashi. "You are my heart. Iruka, take care of my heart."
"Whatever," Iruka makes an annoyed sound when Sasuke starts expertly preparing complicated drinks and serving them at an alarmingly fast rate which would make even the most seasoned bartenders blush.
"You take care of this man," Gai grabs Kakashi and starts sobbing in his shoulder; "This man is my soul."
"I thought I was your heart," Kakashi says to Gai, who doesn't look like he's going to let go any time soon.
"Where's the fucking cocaine?" Hidan calls out, as people give him a wide berth. "What kind of stupid club is this?"
"Who invited him?" Iruka bites out.
"No one," Kakashi answers. "No one invites Hidan everywhere. He just shows up."
Kakuzu pulls out cards and sets up a table for gambling, where at least ten people gather around.
"So," Anko grabs Iruka's forearm, digging her claws in, "No strippers."
"For the thousandth time," Iruka snaps at his fellow teacher, "There will be no strippers."
"What if we volunteer to strip," Hidan says, along with Kisame.
"Keep your clothes on, you nasty slut," Asuma calls out from the other side of the club.
"What did you say?" Hidan rips his shirt, ready to fight, "What the fuck did you say?"
"I said," Asuma says, louder, "Keep your clothes on, no one wants to see your nasty body."
"You bitch," Hidan charges toward Asuma, "You're dead."
"Let's do this," Asuma tells Shikamaru, who grumbles, "Let's kick his ass."
"Hidan," Itachi grabs the angry male with one ear, "Enough."
"Asuma," Iruka scolds, "I expect better from you."
"What's with you and that silver-haired bitch anyway?" Kurenai asks, loving the cosmopolitan Sasuke has whipped up for her. She looks lethal in the tight little black dress she's donned for the occasion.
"I hate him," Asuma says, and then pinches Shikamaru's cheeks, "You are so cute!" He tells his favourite student. "Why are you so cute?"
"Please make him stop," Shikamaru begs Kurenai, who giggles, pretty drunk herself. This is her fifth drink. Sasuke is ridiculously fast at preparing them. "I don't know," She grabs Shikamaru's face, "You are so cute."
"We should totally adopt him," Asuma giggles.
"So I don't have to give birth. I can keep my figure." Kurenai gasps, "You're coming home with us," She says to Shikamaru, "Son."
"My parents won't allow that," Shikamaru is itching for a drink himself, but someone has to drive his drunk teachers home, and he's decided to stay sober for the honour.
"Behave yourself," Deidara slaps Hidan, "You're such an idiot, un."
"He started it," Hidan says petulantly. "What the fuck are you wearing? Who wears this to a club? You look like a nun."
Deidara sighs, "I am married and pregnant. I should be more conservative, un."
"What are you talking about?" Naruto asks Hidan, "Are you blind? Deidara looks gorgeous." Even in simple jeans and a sweater, Deidara is prettier than all the females combined.
"You've got to stop giving me all these compliments, un." Deidara blushes, "You'll make my face explode."
"I agree with Naruto," Sakura says, making everyone gasp with surprise. "Deidara is gorgeous." She has decided to wear a forest green mini-dress, which compliments her eyes beautifully.
"Whatever," Hidan throws his hands up, "Far be it for me to disagree with Itachi sama's harem."
"Hey," Ino says to Sakura.
"Hi," Sakura smiles at the blond.
"Wanna dance?" Ino offers the pinkette a hand. Her dark blue dress complimenting Sakura's nicely.
"Of course," Sakura accepts and the two step out into the dance floor, making all the surrounding males gawk at the perfection that is the two prettiest girls in the world rubbing up against each other.
"Okay," Deidara whispers to Naruto, "I'm seeing something there, un."
"They look so beautiful together," Naruto says, with stars in his eyes.
"Sasuke chan," Kakashi says to his beloved godson when he's finally managed to reach the bar, which is heavily crowded by desperate drunkards.
"I know what you want," Sasuke smirks. He knows exactly what Kakashi likes to drink, and when.
"I love my baby Sasuke chan." Kakashi coos as Sasuke hands him a giant tumbler mixed with lethal looking hard liquor.
"Well," Sasuke says, already pouring the next drink, "Let's see how long that lasts. Now that you're getting married, you'll have your own kids. You'll love them more and forget all about me."
Kakashi hangs around the bar for thirty minutes, until Iruka eventually comes to find his groom-to-be. "I could never love a kid more than you," He whispers to Sasuke, just before departing, five people taking his place, waiting to be served their drinks. Sasuke tries his best to fight the smile which threatens to break out, but ends up grinning like an idiot anyway.
Arms wrap around his waist from behind, and Sasuke leans into them. "Hi," He greets his brother.
"Need any help?" Itachi asks, nuzzling Sasuke's neck.
"I can handle it." Sasuke smiles when a kiss is placed on his neck.
"Are you seeing that?" Itachi asks his brother.
"I'm watching," Sasuke smirks at Naruto, who's got his arms wrapped around Deidara's waist. The two have been slow dancing for an hour.
"No," Itachi sighs at the romantic display between the two blondes, "Not that."
"I see," Sasuke turns his eyes to another thing of interest. Ino is sandwiched between a drunk Neji and a sober Shikamaru. Get lost, Yamanaka, Sasuke begs the girl, Let Neji and Shikamaru have their fucking moment.
"No," Itachi squeezes Sasuke's waist, "Silly baby brother. That."
Sasuke finally follows Itachi's line of vision. "What the fuck?"
"Precisely," Itachi agrees.
"What is happening?" Sasuke says as Sakura and Sasori sensually move together on the dance floor.
"What are you doing here," Sakura grits her teeth. Where did you disappear off to, Ino pig? Her eyes desperately search for her friend. She can see Ino, dancing drunkenly between an equally drunk Neji, and a sober -and wishing he was sleeping- Shikamaru.
"Dancing," Sasori answers simply, grinding his crotch in Sakura's rear.
"Really?" Sakura tries to fight the embrace, but ends up back into Sasori's arms, enjoying the muscular bands around her. "Or are you here to make a certain someone jealous?"
Sasori's eyes lock on Deidara, who is completely unaware of the gaze on him. The blond is smiling down at Sasuke's mate, stroking the smaller blonde's hair and letting the younger male guide their footing fondly.
He then looks at Itachi. Look time no see, Uchiha. Sasori smirks at his rival. Itachi looks older and more tired. Stronger perhaps. That sharingan of is his is a permanent feature, those tear troughs are deeper. I see you've managed to save your degenerate brother. Sasori observes as Sasuke activates his sharingan, clearly threatening Sasori, his hands still mixing drinks, never missing a beat.
"Come see me tonight," Sasori slips his card in Sakura's purse.
"I don't want to hurt the Uchihas." Sakura bites out. "I want no part of your stupid revenge. I've moved on."
"I'm horny," Sasori sighs, "And judging from the way you're grinding up against me, so are you."
"Get lost," Sakura pushes Sasori away.
"Is he bothering you," Kakashi appears by Sakura's side, Iruka right beside him.
"Actually," Sakura says, her cheeks rouge, "He is."
"Leave." Kakashi says, his tone dead serious. "Out, now."
"Congratulations on your nuptials." Sasori says pleasantly, and walks right out.
"Sakura," Naruto runs to the pinkette, leaving a frozen Deidara after making sure Itachi is near. "Are you okay?"
Was that Sasori? Deidara thinks, feeling faint.
"It's okay," Itachi is suddenly beside Deidara, anchoring him, holding him to his chest, "You're okay."
"What was he doing here?" Deidara says, as Itachi strokes his stomach, calming their babies down, "What did he want?"
"Sakura." Itachi answers, pretty surprised himself. "He wanted Sakura."
"Oh," Deidara responds. "That's strange."
"It's my fucking fault," Naruto grabs Sakura's hand and brings her over to where Deidara is, "I let you go off on your own. I should have been watching you. This is no place for a pretty girl to go off alone. Some creep cornered you and took advantage."
"I am fine," Sakura says, still shaken.
"You are not leaving my sight all night, missy," Naruto says bossily, using the same tone Minato uses with him, "Is that clear?"
"Yes," Sakura says.
"I am a terrible husband." Naruto sighs. "Kakashi sensei married us, and I've already failed my wife."
"We're not really married." Sakura says to Naruto, who looks genuinely defeated.
"Neither are they," Naruto gestures to Ino, who has grabbed Hinata's ample bosom, making the Hyuuga heiress blush and stammer as Neji and Shikamaru gawk.
"Stay calm, Naruto," Itachi tells his brother-in-law.
"I've been so focused on protecting your wife," Naruto gestures to Deidara, "Mine just got molested by some creepy redhead."
"Yeah," Gaara says, "That would be my cousin, Sasori. He's got issues. Sorry." He apologizes to Sakura, "Feel free to get a lawyer."
"Speaking of your family," Sakura says to Gaara, "What's your sister doing?" Temari has pushed Ino and Neji away from Shikamaru, and is dancing all up on the distressed Nara.
"Temari," Gaara sighs, "Kankuro!" He calls out.
"On it," His brother says, and starts trying to separate Temari from Shikamaru.
"Gaara," Gai calls out, distressed, "Help." His beloved Lee is drunk is creating a serious scene.
"God help us," Gaara sighs and charges toward his boyfriend. Even as a demon host, it's hard to control Lee when he's drunk.
"What is Shikamaru's game, exactly?" Naruto wonders aloud, as five or six people surround the Nara. Asuma, Kurenai and Chouji watch with pride in their eyes. "How does he have such game?"
"I'm here," Itachi holds Deidara tightly, making the blond feel safe. "And so is Naruto," He says dryly, making Deidara laugh. "Sasori would be stupid to try anything with Naruto around."
Naruto continues to lecture Sakura like an overprotective father/husband.