Chapter Fifteen
"So," Deidara says, unable to believe what he's hearing, "The babies are healthy?"
"Of course," Tsunade assures. "Both boys are fine." Usually one of the many obstetricians would be dealing with the expecting couple, but this is Itachi Uchiha. Of course his pregnant mate is being dealt with by the legendary doctor Tsunade sama herself.
"Oh," Deidara sighs with relief. He had been worried all this time for nothing. "Thank god."
Itachi does not look surprised at all. Of course his children are perfect. "When is the due date?"
"February," Tsunade grins, "The month of love."
Sasuke and Itachi both make faces. They hate Valentine's Day.
"Can I have one of your babies?" Naruto asks Itachi as soon as they exit Tsunade's office.
"No!" Itachi snaps at Naruto. "You cannot."
"Why do you have two?" Naruto whines, "Sasuke bastard. Why do they have two?"
"Dobe," Sasuke sighs, "Let them keep their children."
"Stop worrying," Itachi orders Deidara, "Everything will be fine."
"I don't want to disappoint you." Deidara says meekly.
"You are disappointing me by not giving me a baby." Naruto tells the couple.
"If you want a child," Itachi sneers at Naruto, "Go have it yourself."
"I want to," Naruto pouts up at his brother-in-law, "Your stupid brother won't knock me up. Something's wrong with Sasuke."
"Nothing is wrong with me," Sasuke glares at his mate, his nose and cheeks dusted with red blush.
"Then why isn't there a baby in me?" Naruto asks; his tone bossy and demanding.
"Blondie has a point," Kisame says, "Is everything okay with Sasuke's junk?"
Itachi gives Sasuke's crotch a critical look. His sharingan does not help matters.
"There is nothing wrong with my dick." Sasuke hisses at his brother. "It works just fine. Don't forget. It took you five years to knock Deidara up."
"That might be more my fault that your brother's, un." Deidara says; his tone self-deprecating.
"How do you know?" Itachi asks his mate, annoyed. Deidara always blames himself for everything.
"Yeah," Naruto snaps, "How do you know it's your fault," He's too protective of Deidara to allow him to blame himself for what he considers is a late pregnancy. "It could be Itachi's slow swimmers."
Kisame lets out a delighted cackle. Where most people bow to Itachi's flawlessness, Naruto chooses to disrespect his brother-in-law every chance he gets. It's a family dynamic Kisame could easily get used to.
"Itachi sama is perfect in every way." Deidara explains, "The problem has to be with me."
"You're perfect," Naruto barks at Deidara, "Itachi is lucky to be with you. I don't think he's good enough for you."
"Is that right?" Itachi says frostily.
"No one is good enough for Deidara," Naruto keeps his arms crossed, his tone sagely, "But if he has to settle for a mortal, then I suppose you will do."
"Seriously," Kisame begs Sasuke, "Never let Naruto go."
"Mortal?" Sasuke worships his brother, "Dobe, Itachi is a god. He's perfect for Deidara. Face it. They're a perfect couple."
"I would never be good enough for you," Deidara whimpers and buries his face in Itachi's throat, making a content sound when a strong arm is wrapped around his waist. "I'm not good enough to have your babies, un."
"Nonsense," Itachi says, "You are flawless," Just one sniff of Deidara's scent mixed in with his unborn sons is pure ambrosia. He has fantasized about Deidara carrying his children for so long and this moment is finally here. Deidara is pregnant with his (multiple!) children, and Sasuke is alive and well with his mate, and Itachi's family is flourishing and the entire universe is perfect and Itachi feels like a god.
Itachi has his mate and his brother and his best friend and he has children on the way, and nothing can bring him down right now. For the first time in his wretched life, Itachi Uchiha is truly happy.
"Is he okay?" Naruto frowns at Itachi, who has a maniacal grin on his face.
"He is having a moment," Kisame recognizes that grin on his best friend's face. "He's happy."
"Knock it off." Naruto punches Itachi's arm. "You're being much creepier than usual."
"Let him be happy," Sasuke chastises Naruto. "Itachi has had a difficult life. He's earned this."
"Stop being happy." Naruto orders his brother-in-law, "Go back to being miserable."
"Foster children," Kisame addresses Sakura and Chouji, who are waiting in the hospital lobby, "Gather around."
"I am hungry," Chouji complains, "And boring. Sakura is awful. She won't take me to the gift shop."
"Ino's family owns it." Sakura pouts. "I'm not going in there."
"I thought you two were best friends again." Kisame says. "Now that Sasuke is married, there is nothing for you two sexy bitches to feud about."
"My outfit doesn't coordinate," Sakura hisses. "I forgot to bring the shoes which match this stupid skirt." Truly, her boots don't match her skirt.
"It must be exhausting to be a girl," Sasuke observes.
"You're one to talk." Naruto snaps. "It took you an hour to pick out an outfit this morning."
"It's exhausting to be me," Sasuke says honestly.
"I want food," Chouji pulls at Itachi's arm, who glares daggers at the teenager, "As my caretaker, it's your responsibility to keep me fed."
"Go away." Itachi snaps at the boy.
Chouji gasps. "Is this how you are planning on treating your sons?"
"Itachi's sons won't have your appetite!" Kisame exclaims, "All of Uchiha clan combined doesn't have your appetite."
"Speaking of the Uchiha clan," Sasuke says, "Does father know you're having twins?" He asks his brother."
"I will call him or whatever," Itachi shrugs, "I suppose I should let him know sometime today."
"Wow," Sakura's eyes widen at the obvious bad relationship between Itachi and his dad.
"I know right?" Kisame elbows the girl. "Daddy issues much?"
"Hello," Itachi says on his cellphone, "Father. It's twins." That said, he hangs up.
"Oh my god." Sakura blanches at the lack of pleasantries or even a hint of a civil tone between father and son.
"Their parents are assholes." Naruto explains to Sakura. "Believe it. My parents are super nice and I love them."
Sasuke winces. Naruto's mother is okay. Naruto's father is a demon from hell. And Sasuke thinks this as a demon host.
The irony is not lost on Sasuke.
Kisame smirks at the look on Sasuke's face, when Naruto mentions his parents.
"Your parents are lovely," Deidara smiles, "I love them, un. They are like my own parents. Only not serious and overbearing, and more fun and supportive."
"We can both move in with my parents if we need to," Naruto reminds Deidara, "Along with the babies."
"You hear that, gentlemen?" Kisame asks Sasuke and Itachi, "Naruto is starting a family with Deidara."
"You think," Sasuke glares at Deidara, "Naruto's parents are fun."
"You don't?" Deidara gives Sasuke an innocent look. "They are so sweet and loving, un."
"You are not leaving me," Itachi hisses at Deidara and pulls his wife closer to himself, "Ever."
"Of course, un," Deidara coos at his upset husband, "Naruto baby was just joking, un."
"No he isn't," Kisame says quickly.
"No I wasn't," Naruto promises.
"Dobe," Sasuke spanks Naruto's bottom, making his cute mate yelp, "Are you trying to break my brother and his wife up?"
"Naruto wants Deidara for himself," Kisame grins, "So they can be a couple."
"I want the babies," Naruto announces, "And I don't want to separate the babies from their mommy," he says thoughtfully, "So I guess Deidara can come live with my parents and me."
"And what about the children's father?" Chouji asks, "The father is important too, you know." He says wisely, "My dad is the one who bar-be-ques, while my mom makes the salad."
"Hmm," Naruto gets a mulish look on his face, "Itachi can come visit the babies."
"Idiot," Sakura smacks Naruto upside the head, "You can't keep the father from his kids."
"I'm not!" Naruto yells at Sakura, not noticing her surprised look at her own actions, "I said I would let him visit every few months."
"Every few months?" Itachi says. "I need more frequent visits than that."
"Okay," Naruto says generously. "Monthly visits."
"Why the hell am I negotiating for my unborn children?" Itachi asks Deidara, who gives Naruto a loving smile.
"He is harmless, un," Deidara says about Naruto to Itachi, who genuinely hates his brother-in-law.
"Yeah," Kisame howls with laughter, "harmless." He gestures to Naruto, who has dragged Sasuke over to a gift shop and is demanding Sasuke buy him matching baby onesies he can dress the twin baby boys Deidara will have in.
"Okay," Sakura says to Itachi, "Sasuke better get Naruto pregnant, or Naruto will take your children."
"Wow," Kisame doubles over in laughter at Itachi's horrified look at Sakura's comment. "From obsessing over Sasuke to this."
"She has moved on," Chouji comments, "Sakura doesn't want Sasuke anymore."
"Judging from Naruto's attitude," Kisame says joyfully, "Neither does Naruto."
Naruto wraps himself around Deidara. "When can we move in with my parents?"
"Umm," The older blond says as his husband glares at the hugging pair darkly.
"Get Naruto pregnant," Itachi hisses at Sasuke angrily.
"I am trying my best." Sasuke says desperately.
"Try harder." Itachi says, full of hate for his adorable brother-in-law, "Naruto is to break up my marriage."
"Okay," Chouji says, munching on his pre-lunch snack. "I have no desire to go home. This family is so interesting."
"I know right!" Kisame says joyfully. "It's how I ended up living with Itachi."
"Do something about Naruto," Itachi orders Sasuke, who gives his annoyed brother a meek look.
"Like what?" Sasuke says as his big brother glares at him, as if it's Sasuke's fault Naruto is trying to steal unborn children!
"Have more sex," Itachi commands, which is hilarious, because he's spent the past half a decade cock-blocking Sasuke, and trying his absolute best to keep baby brother away from whores. "Get Naruto pregnant."
"Understood." Sasuke says obediently.
"What colour paint should we have in the babies' room?" Naruto wraps his arms around Deidara's waist. The hospital lobby is full of people and everyone is giving the sexy blond uke pair lustful looks.
"If Naruto isn't pregnant within the week," Itachi says viciously, "You are both going to go live with his parents."
"No," Sasuke says desperately. "You can't."
Sakura watches with awe as the boy she formerly loves begs his elder brother not to evacuate him from the mansion.
"You are welcome to go get your own residence." Itachi is bluffing. Kisame knows that, and is giggling helplessly against a wall. An elderly couple waiting for their children to come pick them up are watching the shark type male with horror.
"No," Sasuke also knows Itachi is bluffing but in the off chance his beloved brother is serious, some damage control needs to be done. "Please don't make me survive on my own. I will go move in with Kakashi."
Now Itachi knows that's a bluff. "Do what you have to do."
"I will just get a penthouse," Sasuke threatens, "I heard there is a loft available right above Karin's pad."
"Who is Karin?" Naruto asks innocently.
"Yeah, Sasuke," Kisame asks gleefully, "Who is Karin?"
"Karin is one of Sasuke's girlfriends, isn't she?" Chouji says, "Shouldn't you know that?" He turns to Kisame.
"She had such awful hair," Sakura says with disgust, "Awful, terrible hair."
"Girlfriend?" Naruto says, his voice suddenly full of rage. He may not have inherited any of his mother's physical characteristics, but he sure as hell has her rage. "You want us to move in close to your girlfriend?"
"Ex-girlfriend," Sasuke corrects everyone, "We had a brief thing a million years ago."
"I am not speaking to you." Naruto hisses up at Sasuke. That said, he grabs Deidara's wrist and starts leading him outside.
"There goes the happy couple." Kisame says as Itachi glares after the sexy blonds. There are dozens of people in the vicinity, and every single male (and a few females) turn and give the two tasty treats appreciative looks.
"Do something about Naruto." Itachi orders Sasuke, who is pretty annoyed with his wife himself. "Or he goes back to live with his parents alone, and you can find accommodations elsewhere."
Sasuke almost doubles over at the shrieking pain his demon makes him feel, at just the mere thought of being separated from Naruto. The agony is extreme.
"Oh my god," Sakura says, as Chouji grabs Sasuke and leads him over to a nearby bench, "What the hell?"
"He's fine." Itachi says carelessly. Now that Sasuke and Naruto are mated, he's at peace. He will be happier when Sasuke and Naruto start reproducing of course. He would like Sasuke's children to be the same age as his.
Life is dangerous and unpredictable. What if something were to happen to Itachi? He wants Sasuke and Naruto to have their children so Itachi can get to know them as soon as possible.
And of course, there's the matter of added security for Itachi's children. If something were to happen to Itachi, his children have a strong uncle to care for them.
Sakura watches in horror as Sasuke practically has a mental breakdown in front of her, Chouji rubbing the young Uchiha's back. Itachi and Kisame seem uncaring. The pinkette has been informed that there is a demon inside all of them, but what the hell else is happening? What exactly is an Uchiha's reality? I dodged a major bullet here. Sakura says as Naruto and Deidara come rushing back.
"Hey," Naruto coos at his husband, who is desperately panting, as if trying to seep air into his lungs. "Hey idiot."
"Fuck," Sasuke groans.
"I was just joking," Naruto places kisses on Sasuke's face, "I wasn't really going to stop speaking to you, moron."
"Don't leave me," Sasuke says, sharingan spinning into existence.
"Leave you?" Naruto says, a questioning look on his face, "You bastard. Why would I leave you?"
Is that what it means to be married to Sasuke? Sakura watches Naruto settle in his husband's lap, stroking his hair, trying to calm him down, constantly reassuring him? Behind Sasuke's beautiful face is a scared, frightened animal, one Sakura isn't ready to deal with. I have my own life, Sakura thinks. I have no time to deal with some demon.
Deidara leans against Itachi as Naruto naturally and instinctively starts dealing with Sasuke's tantrum.
Itachi smirks. By making Sasuke question his relationship with Naruto, he has ensured his baby brother will start working on impregnating the delicious blond.
"You diabolical bastard." Kisame grins at Itachi, knowing exactly what his best friend is doing.
Chouji sighs and starts walking over to the gift shop, hoping Ino will give him a discount on some gummy bears (Konoha Hospital gift shop is notoriously pricey). Those will surely calm Sasuke down.