"Who is a good baby?" Naruto coos at the newborn he is holding. "Who is a good baby for mommy?"
"You do realize that is not your baby?" Sasuke reminds Naruto who is holding his nephew possessively. "Naruto please tell me you know that."
"Sasuke let me have this," Naruto pouts. "I like being mommy. You can be daddy."
"Dobe," Sasuke groans at the innocent way Naruto provokes him. "We are not parents. These are not our kids."
"Whose my good baby?" Naruto asks the child sternly who stares back just as sternly. There is absolutely no questioning this baby boy's paternity. He is Itachi's son through and through.
"You are delusional," Sasuke comments on his mate, "You are doing better than Kisame." He turns to where his other nephew is being swaddled in a blanket made of antique shark skin.
"I love my baby." Naruto kisses the infant's cheek. "He's my good baby."
"He is Itachi and Deidara's baby," Sasuke feels he has to constantly remind his mate, and himself. The babies have his genetic material so it's hard not to get lost in this beautiful fantasy. Sasuke and Naruto had beautiful babies and Kisame is their crazy nanny and everything is perfect in happy land.
However this is reality. These babies have real parents who are so tired the kids don't have names yet.
"Say you love me." Naruto orders the baby he's holding. "Tell me you love me now."
"Naruto," Sasuke says, exasperated. "He's three months old. He doesn't know where he is."
"I love him." Naruto announces. "He should feel the same."
"I know they love me." Kisame is secure that his godsons feels nothing but hero worship and adoration for him. He plans on doing things differently for his baby than when Kakashi did for Sasuke. He shall be very involved.
"How is that?" Sasuke makes the mistake of asking.
"All baby sharks love daddy sharks." Kisame says unblinkingly.
"Oh sweet Jesus," Sasuke shudders.
"Don't judge me," Kisame sneers at Sasuke, "This is all I have."
"Me too," Naruto makes a sad sound, clutching a tiny foot in his hand affectionately.
"Look," Sasuke starts, "Dobe, please..."
"Oh god we get it," Kisame groans, nuzzling the baby he's holding, "You are sorry you can't knock blondie up."
"Suke, it's okay," Naruto says and means it. "Our time will come."
Sasuke hates that his mate has to comfort him. Especially when they are caring for perfect new babies. It's as if god is mocking Sasuke. Look what he can't have.
The children stare at the ceiling blankly, completely unaware of their caregivers and their dilemmas.
"Oh god they are so quiet and creepy," Kisame squeals with joy. "I love my creepy babies."
"They are pretty creepy aren't they?" Naruto agrees. The babies have yet to make any sounds.
"They are perfectly normal for Uchiha children," Sasuke comments. He is quite fond of his nephews already. They are… satisfactory to say the least. The big black eyes, the blank expressions. The complete lack of interest in anyone or anything. The early display of sociopathic tendencies.
Sasuke might just be in love.
"It's not fair," Naruto pouts when his baby yawns casually and cuddles into his embrace, "He's making me love him."
"Dobe," Sasuke is having a hard time controlling his mate's maternal instincts when his own paternal instincts are out of control. His body is telling him he's just fathered children and that he must protect them at all costs.
Kisame will not be held back as a parent, no matter what.
"Oh no you're the cutest." Kisame giggles and kisses a tiny nose, making the baby all cross-eyed, "No you are the cutest. Okay we are both a couple of cute baby sharks. Jeez."
Their moment of peace is interrupted by an unwelcomed visitor. "No worries," Mikoto rushes in, "Mommy's here."
Sasuke makes a face at the word mommy. It's cute when Naruto says it in reference to himself, creepy when Mikoto refers to herself in that tone.
"I have it handled," Kisame doesn't care for another woman meddling when he's trying to parent his baby. He has been Itachi's side hoe for years. He will be damned if anyone steps in and takes his reward away from him.
"Right," Mikoto frowns at her grandchildren being handled by help. "Where is my son-in-law?"
"Here?" Naruto raises his hand in a manner similar to when Kakashi sensei calls on him during class. "Come on, how many times do I have to introduce myself to you?"
"Not you," The look directed at Naruto is full of contempt, "The other one, looks like you but sluttier."
"What a compliment," Kisame smirks at Naruto, who frowns.
"Deidara is resting, mother," Sasuke can't believe his luck. This woman has decided to step up and be a parent when its time to step back and be a grandparent. "He's just given birth. To twins."
"That was months ago." Mikoto brushes Deidara's difficult labor off as if it was nothing. "I was up on my feet within a day after having Itachi."
"Right," Kisame and Sasuke give each other looks. They both know and have heard better. Mikoto was never a parent to her boys. Nannies and cousins and countless family friends have stepped up to be what the parents just weren't.
"Come here my baby," Mikoto coos at the baby resting peacefully in Naruto's arms. "Come to mommy."
The baby gives Mikoto a critical look and immediately and for the first time today bursts into tears.
"What in god's name is going on down here?" Itachi materializes. "Is he okay?" He glares at his son, who glares right back as if screaming rescue me.
"I do everything for your son and you never show any appreciation." Kisame turns away when Itachi steps near him.
"Jesus," Itachi shakes his head at his best friend, "I am not dealing with you."
"Grand-mommy loves you," Mikoto promises, and makes a confused sound when the baby won't stop crying. "What the heck is wrong with this boy?"
"Mother what are you doing here?" Itachi looks exhausted.
"I'm here to help you with the babies silly." Mikoto gives Itachi a reassuring look.
"Because she was so good with you and Sasuke," Kisame grins at Itachi, "Remember?"
"Mother," Itachi wants to get back upstairs to Deidara, "We have the children handled." The last thing he needs is his mother using his children as some kind of second chance at parenthood or some nonsense. She's done enough damage to him and Sasuke. Itachi basically spent a lot of his childhood minding his baby brother.
"Don't be silly," Mikoto rolls her eyes, now if only if her grandbaby would stop crying? He's killing her optimistic mood.
"Naruto," Itachi narrows his eyes at the blond who whimpers and immediately grabs the sobbing child.
Sasuke makes a jealous sound. Why can't he order Naruto around like this? Why doesn't Itachi order him around like this? This household is a very complex ecosystem and everyone has a very special place.
All eyes are on Naruto and he must prove that he is ready to be a good mother to Sasuke's children. The baby won't stop crying. He is seriously unsettled and would like his actual mommy now.
"Thanks," Kisame glares at Mikoto who crosses her arms defensively. "You broke him."
"Is everything okay?" Deidara enters the room.
"What are you doing out of bed?" Itachi says protectively. "Upstairs, now."
"Is my baby okay?" Deidara only has eyes for the infant weeping for attention.
"I'm right here," Kisame promises, "And here's your son," he holds the silently watching baby he's been coddling all night.
Itachi gathers Deidara in his lap and only then is Naruto allowed to hand the baby to him. Deidara isn't allowed to lift the baby up when he's standing.
The hysterical shrieking stops as soon as the child rests against Deidara's chest.
"Okay, he's a genius." Kisame comments on the now deadly quiet baby. "All that crying for attention."
"Of course he's a genius," Sasuke says with pride.
"How nice of you to grace us with your presence." Mikoto gives Deidara a disgusted look. "Must be nice to get all that time off for doing nothing."
"Mother," Itachi gives Mikoto a warning look.
"Stop being a bitch," Naruto says to Mikoto, "Deidara needs rest because he had babies."
"Naruto," Sasuke barks, "Enough."
Mikoto makes a pleased sound. He wants her son to punish his whorish mate. Only a whore would entrap a teenage boy when he himself is a teenager. Mikoto hates the people her sons were forced to marry because of the curse. She hopes her sons can agree to take second mates of Mikoto's choosing when her sons-in-law can be put in their rightful places.
"Not in front of the children." Sasuke reprimands his mate for using bad language in front of baby genius. Knowing them they might just absorb this information even at such a young age.
"Sorry babies," Naruto makes a sheepish expression, "Don't say bad words."
"No," Deidara bows his head, "Mikoto's right, un. I should be taking care of the babies as much as possible." There are severe restrictions placed on Deidara after giving birth. Post partum complications in males can be as dire as internal bleeding and so far everyone is walking on egg shells around him.
"You do what I tell you to." Itachi has basically ordered bed rest. Well, Tsunade has ordered it, and Itachi being a good husband is complying with doctor's orders. Many husbands would actually go against such orders and make their mates get right back to household duties despite the trauma of childbirth.
Deidara nods respectfully but he feels nothing but guilt. He has been such a neglectful parent, selfishly putting his own rest above his kids. His baby senses his distress and starts getting visibly upset again.
"I will tell you when you being bad," Itachi promises Deidara, "It's not your job to evaluate yourself."
"I just want to be good." Deidara hugs his son close but all he manages to do with his weakened arm strength is clutch helplessly. Itachi helps by wrapping his arms possessively around his mate and baby.
"It wouldn't kill you to spend time with us." Kisame calls out from where he's holding his now sleeping godson.
"Quiet you," Itachi is starting to feel like one of those freaks with multiple families.
"Itachi, can we talk?" Mikoto orders who son who raises an eyebrow, "Alone?"
"Oh this should be excellent." Kisame is delighted when Itachi complies reluctantly and Naruto takes his place beside Deidara, eagerly helping the older blond hold his baby. Naruto is using this as an opportunity to learn as much about child rearing as possible so when time comes he can be a perfect parent to his own babies. Sasuke is watching his mate's learning initiative and well, he's never wanted Naruto more.
"Is this wise?" Mikoto gestures to the living room, where people are camped out, watching over the new children protectively. "Do you want this?"
"Yes." Itachi looks at the scene and he can definitely say he's never wanted anything more. His mate. His sons, his brother, his best friend, the fluff ball his brother calls a mate. Itachi is not one of those power hungry people who needs to be surrounded by trophies but he likes these trophies. They are his.
"As your mother…"
Kisame cackles loudly. He is shamelessly eavesdropping. Sasuke looks nonchalant but it's clear from his carefully blank expression that he's got his ear on their conversation.
"I never said a word when you brought that harlot home." Mikoto glares at Kisame who winks salaciously. "But this is ridiculous. You need a good mother for your children."
"Deidara is adequate," Itachi promises. He thought his need to possess the blond would quiet down but it's only worse. Now his demon side wants to impregnate the blond again! His human side says no because the last labor was bad enough, but his demon side is obsessed with the idea of baby demons. More of them.
"I am sure he's pretty and you like doing," Mikoto makes a face, "Whatever it is you two do upstairs."
If Kisame wasn't holding a child he would have thrown himself on the floor in hysterical laughter. Sasuke has a mortified look on his face and Itachi agrees. It is not fun to hear mother talk of these things.
"But you must have a functional wife," Mikoto implores his son to understand, "Have you thought about Izumi?"
Kisame quiets down at that. Izumi not only has her own sharingan, she is an ex-girlfriend of Itachi's.
Deidara who is close to falling asleep on the adjacent sofa, notes when Kisame is suddenly deadly silent and is sees the meaningful looks he exchanges with Sasuke.
"What about her, mother?" Itachi couldn't care less about Izumi. She was a million years ago. Girls are exempt from the Uchiha curse and she is fortunate in that she can go mate with anyone. Itachi was envious of her freedom once upon a time, until he met who the curse chose for him, and now all he wants is Deidara.
"You have your heirs." Mikoto smiles in what she thinks is a reassuring manner. "The bond is strong. It's time for you to get what you want."
"And what is that?" This should be good. Itachi is amused at his mother's lack of understanding of anything.
"A partner." Mikoto implores her son to understand.
"What?" Itachi and Kisame say simultaneously.
Deidara and Naruto make confused sounds. They can't hear anything from across the room.
Sasuke is genuinely worried. Itachi respects their mother a great deal. She could seriously poison his mind. Itachi is quite sympathetic to his mother's suffering. Fugaku is terrible as a father and as a husband.
"You need a wife," Mikoto begs her son to comprehend.
"Deidara is a wife," Itachi says. He is the perfect wife. So perfect that he can give other mates complexes when he's in close proximity to them. Naruto is the first person to actually survive an encounter with Deidara and only because he's become a little obsessed with Deidara himself.
Itachi honestly would have murdered Naruto a while ago had he not been Sasuke's mate, uke or not. He's a little too liberal with his affections toward Deidara, but Itachi allows it because Sasuke wants that perfect family and Itachi wants possessions and well, two birds with one stone and all that.
"Nonsense," Mikoto rolls her eyes, "Boys aren't wives. You need someone who is strong and can actually walk side by side through life's troubles with you. Not bedridden because he's had a baby."
"Twins." Itachi corrects. It is perfectly normal for uke to spend time in bed after they have had kids and twins is basically six months off. "You were bedridden yourself when you had Sasuke if I remember correctly."
"How can you possibly compare me to that whore?" Mikoto makes a disgusted face.
"I was hoping you would have some empathy for him considering you have had some shared life experiences." Itachi ignores Kisame and Sasuke's outraged sounds. He will allow his mother to insult Deidara because he cannot do anything about her. Anyone else would have died.
"What are they saying?" Naruto asks, extremely curious.
"She's badmouthing me?" Deidara kisses his sleeping son's face, smiling lovingly when he frowns sternly even when asleep. Just like his dad.
"Let's call it badmouthing, sure." Kisame is kind of furious. He does not want Izumi in this house. That would be bad. Many levels of bad. Izumi is all politics and control and money and power. Everything Kisame wants to protect his best friend from.
"I think I want mother gone now." Sasuke says simply.
"Sure," Naruto shrugs. He never wants his mother-in-law here. He never expected to have to deal with all that in-law business so early in life. He turns to Deidara and makes an apologetic face. "Forgive me."
Deidara blinks at Naruto's solemn request. "Huh?" He is kind of out of it after having a baby. Still. After three months. People have always treated him like he's made of glass but now it's a whole other level.
"Just," Naruto makes sure Deidara and the baby are comfortable on the couch as he gets up, "Don't judge me by what I am about to do."
"You are a hero." Kisame nods once in respect.
"Hey, big brother." Naruto runs over to Itachi and uses his most saccharine tone.
"Yes," Itachi's eye twitches at Naruto's use of the word brother in reference to him considering the kid has seen him fucking.
"I am having another episode of explosive diarrhea." Naruto says loudly enough that even Deidara hears him clearly from across the room. "You mind taking me to the hospital?"
"What the hell?" Mikoto makes an appalled face, as if smelling said explosive diarrhea.
"Certainly," Itachi's expression is blank, but Naruto can read it easily. I am going along with this because I am trapped and you are saving me from mother.
"See this?" Mikoto immediately covers her nose. "No real woman would fall victim to this stupidity. You must mate with one quickly, this uke fetish of yours has gone too far, my baby weasel."
Kisame cackles so loudly, the baby sleeping in his arms wakes and starts wailing.
"Give him here," Deidara's heart hurts every time his babies cry. Which is quite rare, honestly, but his instincts are out of control and he is in constant mommy mode.
Kisame quickly hands the baby to Sasuke who makes sure Deidara is okay with both baby boys at once. Once both godsons are safely with their mother, Kisame lets himself fall to the floor and screams in joyful laughter. All anyone call hear is "baby weasel."
"Mother have some sense," Itachi grabs Naruto's elbow and drags him out the front door. Surely they will wait outside for Mikoto's car to leave until they will get back inside the house.
"I will see you later." Mikoto places a loving kiss on Sasuke's forehead, who is seated beside Deidara. She then turns to the blond, "I hope you step it up, Deidara. You are a parent now. No more slacking."
"Sure," Deidara shrugs. He realizes now there is nothing he can say or do to make this woman happy.
"Bye babies," Mikoto kisses her grandchildren, who give her curious looks, "Hard to believe you turned out so perfect." She honestly thought they would be hideous considering who their mother is.
"What is wrong with you?" Sasuke is honestly flabbergasted at his mother's hate.
"What?" Mikoto is surprised at her son's unhappiness.
"Let me walk you out." Kisame grabs Mikoto's elbow. "Sasuke's having a bad day. I think he caught some of that diarrhea." The last thing he needs is this woman making a scene. She can be quite malicious when she wants to be, and a meticulous planner. She's got nothing but time on her hands, like many of her fellow Uchiha clansmen.
"You must now have had good food in days." Mikoto gives Sasuke a sympathetic look. "You should come over, honey. Let me cook for you."
"Ignore her," Sasuke tries not to make it an order, considering Deidara isn't his mate. It's hard not to feel possessive around a uke and his babies. Considering they are his beloved brother's. They have always had boundary issues.
"I do," Deidara shrugs again, feeling ashamed. He's held both his boys a few seconds and he's already tired. "She's not wrong."
"She's an idiot." Sasuke loves his mom, would die for her, but god she is so wrong about so many things. So ignorant. "You are Itachi's soul mate."
"I could be so much better at so many things." Deidara feels so raw right now, so vulnerable. He's been weak before, hell being a uke is basically a lifetime worth of exercise in weakness but god this is another level of pathetic. It's so bad that he can't even let his own parents visit him and his kids because one critical word from his beloved mother and he is going to fall apart, he just knows it. Thank god his husband seems to have such low standards for him right now. Deidara wouldn't know what he would do if he was in a conventional home and expected to fall back into daily routine right after having a baby, let alone two.
"Hey," Sasuke forces Deidara to look up from the babies, "Look at me."
"What?" Deidara is trying to keep a strong demeanor going but he is honestly going to give in and do something embarrassing. Like cry. His hormones are out of control. Pregnancy hormones are awful, but post pregnancy hormones are no joke.
"She is jealous of you." Sasuke has no idea what goes on in her mother's head, but he throws a nice theory at the vulnerable uke.
"Oh," Deidara nods agreeably. He wouldn't even begin to understand why a middle aged woman would be jealous of a younger submissive male but hey, stranger things have happened.
"Her husband doesn't love her, but yours loves you," Sasuke knows it's much more complicated than that, and Mikoto wants to play some kind of political game by getting Izumi involved but right now, he needs to make Deidara happy, so his nephews can be happy. Both boys are distressed, not understanding why they are upset. They are sensing their mother's emotions and unable to process the complicated reasons behind it all.
"Okay," Deidara doesn't really care. He just wants to be a good mate and parent and be what everyone here needs him to be. Mikoto is just so, unimportant to him.
"Oh no," Naruto rushes in and takes one look at Deidara's face and bursts into uncontrolled tears, "It's not real diarrhea, okay? I made it up. It clears a room and that's that."
"Quiet Naruto," Itachi switches places with Sasuke and nuzzles Deidara's face. "What's wrong?"
"I feel so useless and I think I'm a bad mother," Deidara's carefully blank expression crumbles and he buries his face in Itachi's neck to hide his tears.
"Oh crap." Kisame face palms when he's made sure Mikoto's actually left. "I leave y'all alone for a minute and it's a catastrophe in here."
"Who said you're a bad mother?" Naruto doesn't care if he's crying like a baby himself. He will make a bitch cry. "Did your mother say that?" He turns to Sasuke. "I will beat up your mom, I don't even care."
"Leave us," Itachi tells his best friend and brother, "Take the fluff ball."
"What?" Naruto pouts. "I am so not." He is dragged outside by his husband before he can offer to break anyone's legs. Never mind that the females he is offering to fight are stronger and can hold their own [considering Izumi is an Uchiha heir herself].
"Deidara," Itachi is quite disappointed in his ideal mate's incorrect opinion of himself. "What nonsense is this?"
"I would feel better if you disciplined me, or…" Deidara knows as a uke his body can take more of a punishment than a true female's can. It's why so many people want a submissive in the first place. They are prized because they are males who can submit and be broken and yet satisfy so many kinky fantasies a dominant mind can come up with. "If you even acknowledged I did something wrong, un."
"And what have you done wrong?" Itachi is curious as to what explanation that pretty blond head comes up with. Itachi would like to straighten this out so his children can stop suffering. They are after all, too young to regulate their own emotions and can sense everything their mother feels.
"I can't even do anything." Deidara can't believe he actually has to say it out loud. He supposes that is punishment in itself. "All I do is lay around in bed all day, un."
"And?" The commas in Itachi's eyes spin hypnotically. "I am done breeding you now, so there is nothing for you to do but rest."
"B-But," Deidara's lips tremble, "The babies need…"
"Are you questioning my abilities as the children's father to provide for them?" Itachi's smirk is amused. Deidara looks quite frightened now. He better remedy that soon or the children will feel that through the strong bond they share with their mother. "Stop worrying and follow orders."
"Yes, Itachi sama." Deidara bows his head in submission. If his husband thinks this is best then he shouldn't question his place and focus on keeping the babies happy and healthy.
"Was that so hard?" Itachi is quite pleased and places a loving kiss on his mate's still trembling lips. "Take as long as you need to rest."
Deidara feels a wave of warmth and joy at the kiss, which the babies respond to and coo happily. "What about our meals and…"
"We are all grown." Itachi says dryly. "We can feed ourselves. Focus on being a mother."
Deidara feels as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He would like to take care of everyone around him, but like his husband just said, he should focus on the babies. Itachi sama has this way of making everything perfect in Deidara's world.
Itachi notes that when Deidara's mood lifts, so do his children's. They look content. "I really think we should name them."
Deidara blinks. "I didn't realize we would have to do that."
"I am not naming them salad," Itachi makes an upset sound, "Why would Sasuke even suggest such a thing."
"He likes salad, un." Deidara responds, "He will want a baby named salad."
"Absurd," Itachi shudders violently at the thought of a person named after salad. "I would like to be long dead if such a thing happens."
Deidara makes a distressed sound at the thought of his husband dying. "Please don't say such a thing."
"It was hypothetical." Itachi promises. He really doesn't care about his life that much but he knows that if he dies than so does Deidara and that's not okay. Now he even has children to think of who need their mother to be happy and healthy.
"I don't care if it was hypothetical," Deidara thinks happy thoughts to keep himself from feeling depressed at the thought of Itachi's death. All he has to do is look at two cherubic faces staring up at him as if he's the whole world. "They are so cute, un. They get that from their father."
"I'm not cute." Itachi says uselessly.
"You are the cutest, un." Deidara kisses a baby's cheek, making him giggle despite himself. He doesn't even know what's going on and he's trying to suppress laughter. He's such an Uchiha.
"You are to blame just as much," Itachi holds up a tiny hand to inspect, and truly, there is scarring where there will be a fully functional mouth in a few years.
"That's what you get for mating with me, un." Deidara tries not to think about one of his sons having the hands but it's a dominant trait and his baby is going to have to deal with it.
"I like it," Itachi kisses the babies palm, making him giggle again. "He should be proud of it."
"I feel awful." Deidara isn't usually this pathetic but he feels all emotional and silly.
"Come here," Itachi pulls Deidara and the babies in his lap, exuding a feeling of safety and comfort. "You are mine, and all my things are perfect."
"My brain is telling me otherwise." Deidara admits, "I just wished you would punish me, un."
Normally Itachi would spank Deidara or something to snap him of this ridiculous haze but the blond is not in any physical condition to deal with anything of the sort. "You want punishment?"
"Yes," Deidara says hopefully. "Please." He begs.
"Naruto," Itachi calls out, and the blond who has been waiting eagerly with the rest of his fellow nannies eagerly rushes in, hoping to help in any way. "I have a chore for you."
"Anything," Naruto would like to hug the babies to sleep. Kisame and Sasuke can go change stinky diapers.
"Deidara would like some punishment." Itachi says nonchalantly, as if discussing the weather. "I would like you to handle that please."
"What?" Naruto snaps so loud, his husband comes running in alarm.
"What's the matter?" Sasuke says at the horrified expression on Naruto's face.
"Sasuke," Itachi gestures his brother to grab a baby, and he grabs one himself. "We will be handling the children by ourselves tonight." Naruto is a uke and is obsessed with Deidara. He won't do anything harmful to the person he worships.
"Oh perfect," Kisame starts to follow the brothers as they depart with the children, "I have this new idea for the babies' room. We don't have enough fish on the walls. What if the babies grow up all ugly because we don't expose them to enough fish?"
"What the hell was that?" Naruto turns to Deidara.
"Itachi sama has decided that I need to be punished." Deidara explains. "You need to make sure that it's a suitable punishment, un."
Naruto's mouth opens and then closes. Itachi has accomplished what no one else could. He's rendered Naruto speechless.
"It's a big responsibility, un." Deidara elaborates further. "And Itachi sama is trusting you with it. You better make it good."
Naruto finds his voice. "Why the hell would that freak want you to be punished?"
"I want it," Deidara says, his voice small. His brain is telling him he's done something wrong so he wants some kind of reprimand. Ever since he had the babies his brain feels kind of messed up and emotional.
It's kind of heady, having so much power over such a beautiful uke. Naruto's cheeks color. He understands that Itachi could easy kill him for stepping out of line here, but his mind still present him with imaginings which involve kissing and holding Deidara down and why does the word punishment conjure only sexual images?
"It doesn't have to be too rough," Deidara reassures Naruto, thinking the smaller blonde's red cheeks to be due to shame. "Just make me feel it."
Naruto immediately starts thinking of his accidental walking in on his naked grandmother, his go to image for avoiding sexy thoughts and how would it even work between him and Deidara? Naruto would definitely have to hold Deidara down.
"I just feel so awful all the time," Deidara lets out a pained sound. "I just want to be happy, un."
It's then Naruto realizes that he needs to stop being a pervert and actually help. "I have a punishment."
"You do?" Deidara looks up so hopefully that Naruto feels ashamed manipulating the emotions of such a vulnerable person and kind of proud Itachi trusts him so much.
"Believe it," Naruto grabs Deidara's hands and feels kisses on his own, "At least one baby has hand mouths for sure," he comments. How can such a picture perfect person like Deidara have something so weird like hand mouths. Naruto is baffled.
"Itachi sama said it's a good thing." Deidara is feeling sluggish every time he walks but Tsunade said it's normal.
"I think the babies have really cute hands." Naruto says jealously. Everything about the babies is super cute and if he isn't pregnant soon he might just sue someone (Sasuke).
"They are really good babies," Deidara says fondly. The twins are super patient and affectionate with their mommy.
"Yes they are," Naruto wraps his arm around Deidara's waist and leads him to a guest room because the master bedroom is too far for Deidara to walk without Itachi carrying him.
"Are you going to tie me up?" Deidara asks when Naruto beings him inside the bedroom. "Itachi sama does that sometimes, un."
Naruto not only has to think about his grandmother, he thinks about her dancing naked and all kinds of unsavory things which will probably scar him for life.
"Wait, what?" Deidara makes a confused sound when Naruto leads him to the bathroom.
"You are going to take a relaxing bath." Naruto tries to sound all authoritative like Itachi, but it comes out as a squeak. "It's going to be very soothing."
"How's that a punishment?" Deidara sounds confused. "I don't get it, un."
"It's a punishment because I said so." Naruto tries to make his voice all steely. It gets even more squeaky as a result.
"Oh," Deidara makes a comprehending sound. "Do you want to watch me or something?"
"Oh dear," Naruto feels a trickle of blood down his lip and realizes he's gotten a nosebleed.
"How is that a punishment?" Deidara is already undressing and Naruto doesn't even have time to grab a napkin because he's too busy making sure Deidara doesn't keel over because of his temporary muscle weakness.
"I like that one," Deidara says, casually naked, as Naruto tries to use vanilla bubble bath but of course Deidara prefers sandalwood. "I don't want that one," Deidara lets his hair down and Naruto has to think about his grandparents fornicating. "I like that shampoo. Are you going to condition my hair, un? I don't want split ends."
Naruto is forced to think about old people having sex while he massages an expensive treatment into long platinum hair.
"Why aren't you watching?" Deidara can see that Naruto has his eyes squeezed shut. "What's wrong with you?"
"I think it's safe if I don't watch." While Naruto can appreciate Sasuke's muscular body all he wants and get rewarded for it, he's going to get punished, and by Itachi himself if he ogles his priceless mate.
"Do I look different after the pregnancy, un." Deidara wraps both arms around himself. "It's okay if you feel that way." The hot water feels so amazing on his body but his mind is still a jumbled mess of hormones and he just can't seem to control his emotions.
"You l-look really good," Naruto says, his cheeks red like tomatoes, "I am having weird sexy thoughts."
"Oh," Deidara perks up. "What kind of sexy thoughts? Describe them to me, un."
Naruto chokes on his own spit.
"Are you okay?" Deidara pats Naruto's back.
Naruto shakes his head and prays for mercy.
Thankfully Deidara seemingly forgets about Naruto's sexual fantasies gets into a fuzzy bathrobe.
"Now what?" Deidara feels amazing, but he was supposed to get punished and gives Naruto an expecting look. "When does the punishment happen?"
"Right," Naruto was hoping Deidara would have forgotten by now, god knows Naruto would have after a nice relaxing bath. "Now we get in bed."
"I see," Deidara nods understandingly. "Robe on or off?"
"On," Naruto squeaks pathetically. All this blood loss can't be good for him.
Deidara notices the nosebleed. "Are you okay?"
"Sometimes I just get these," Naruto shrugs it off, like a warrior he is. "Just get in bed please."
Deidara is worried but complies. He just wants to feel okay again. This feeling of guilt is killing him.
Naruto can't do anything sexual to Deidara. He wouldn't even know how to satisfy another uke, it's so easy with Sasuke bastard, just lie down and the horny idiot just gets all animalistic. So the smaller blond does the next best thing, aggressive cuddling.
"What are you doing?" Deidara says as an arm snakes around him.
"I'm going to sleep now." Naruto mumbles. It's kind of nice, just sleeping without a dominant pawing him for sex.
"I don't feel punished, un." Deidara feels great in Naruto's embrace but he can't help but squirm.
"This is more for me," Naruto declares.
"Sure," Deidara turns around in Naruto's arms and strokes his hair. "Sleep well, un." He feels calm all of a sudden.
"Love you," Naruto says absentmindedly.
"You do?" Deidara says, all needy for approval.
"Yeah, you make everything better." Naruto manages to say before nodding off on Deidara's shoulder.
Deidara can't believe his ears. He hasn't been himself at all lately and Naruto still loves him? Despite having to take care of the babies (day and night) because Deidara is sick; and eating Kisame's dinners (basically jelly sandwiches) and Deidara thought Naruto would be mad at him.
"Why did you stop?" Naruto makes an annoyed sound when Deidara's hand stops.
Deidara apologizes and keeps petting Naruto. This feels more like a reward.