Insane 23
"Neji?"
"What?" Neji knows it's Shikamaru. Hell he would know that slow relaxed, voice anywhere. Only right now it's not that relaxed. "Hey," He frowns at the bedside table. Three am can't be right.
"Sorry to bother you," Shikamaru sounds like he can't believe he's awake at this hour. "I think someone's outside my house."
"Fuck," Neji sits up, alert, awake. There are instincts inside him which have been honed by centuries, which he doesn't even need anymore because hello, it's present day and where does one need three hundred and sixty degree vision? "Call the fucking police."
"I don't want to." Shikamaru huffs, "It's Sasuke's family. I don't want to deal with them." Those are very annoying people to say the least.
Shikamaru trusted Neji at three am in the morning and no one else. Neji tries not to read too much into it.
"You've got freaky eyes, right?" Shikmaru says, "Can you please come over and confirm that I'm not going crazy? I don't want to wake my parents."
Shikamaru is only calling Neji because of his eyes. Nothing else. "I will be right there."
"Thanks man. I will think of a way to repay you. I'm not crazy I swear."
Neji can think of several things Shikamaru can do to repay him. "Don't worry about it. Be careful. Keep your windows locked."
"Hurry up I am tired."
So fucking demanding. Neji tries not to be endeared by it. Tries.
"Mission successful?" Sasuke mumbles from where he reads his burner phone that Zabuza gave him first thing in the morning. What the fuck does that mean?
He has spent the night on the floor. Naruto is not anywhere to be seen. Sasuke's first instinct is to panic and look for his wayward mate. His second instinct is to simply listen to his nose and let it lead him underneath the bed. "Hi idiot." He lifts up the drapery and notices Naruto asleep under the bed.
"Oh," Naruto mumbles and lets Sasuke pull him out from under the bed. "Hi."
"What are you doing under there?"
"I had a bad dream, I wanted to go to you but I was mad at you. I went under the bed."
"Bad mommy." Sasuke would have spanked Naruto or something but the boy is knocked up and Sasuke is going to have to wait a good year before he can discipline him.
"I'm sorry," Naruto doesn't tear up, which is a serious accomplishment considering the hormones inside him are driving him insane. "Who was that?"
"My side chick."
"What?" Naruto says, panicked.
"Naruto," Sasuke cannot believe the paranoia sometimes, "Do you honestly think I would cheat on you?"
"No," Naruto wraps his arms around Sasuke's neck, "I don't think you would."
"Why don't you trust me?" Sasuke kisses a whiskered cheek, "Haven't I been a good husband to you?"
"It feels like a date," Naruto blushes when dark eyes regard him so hungrily. Always so hungry. Like he's some kind of pudding. "Or a sleepover."
"So we're not really a couple?" Sasuke raises an eyebrow. "Is that it?" They are not a normal couple. They are not even normal for an Uchiha couple. They have been together for a very short period of time. Sometimes it makes Sasuke feel insecure. Why would Naruto take them seriously when they are just a couple of teenagers who can't even make a proper commitment to each other?
"No," Naruto rests his head against Sasuke's shoulder. "I just think you're my boyfriend. Or something."
"We are mates." Sasuke reminds Naruto. "Not even boyfriend or husband compares to that. It's a soul bond."
"Okay," Naruto shrugs. "I don't get it still."
Maybe that's a good thing. Sasuke thinks. Naruto is so young and so ignorant, he agreed to this awful union and he agreed to be Sasuke's.
"Can we go downstairs?" Naruto whines when Sasuke strokes his stomach possessively, as if making sure the pregnancy's real. "I want something."
"Yeah?" Sasuke kisses Naruto again, "What do you want?"
"Food," Naruto says dryly. He is starving.
"I will feed you something." Sasuke says, his voice low, but at Naruto's unimpressed look, grumbles, "Fine."
"Thanks," Naruto says dryly, "Nice of you to let your baby have breakfast."
Sasuke feels content all of a sudden. Little does he know, it's his inner dominant being all happy he is satisfying his provider's instincts.
"Hey Bani," Naruto reaches for the baby. Beside him, Mink is close to asleep already.
"Hi sweetie," Deidara smiles pleasantly. "Breakfast is almost ready."
"Where is Kisame?"
"I think he slept over at his date's place, un." Deidara says conspiratorially.
"Oh," Naruto blinks, surprised. "That's good, right?"
"If she still alive when he's done with her, sure." Deidara scoffs, "Do you still feel like eating this morning, un?"
Naruto's morning sickness is more like afternoon sickness so he nods, and when he realizes Deidara can't see him, he mumbles a petulant yes.
"Why so quiet?" Deidara is used to a hundred words a minute from Naruto not complete silence. It's worrying.
"Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Naruto kisses Bani's cheek.
"Yeah," Deidara is alarmed. Naruto only comes to sleep in the parents' room when he's had a nightmare or when he's upset. "Will Sasuke be joining us?" usually when Naruto crawls in bed with them Sasuke sleeps on the floor.
It's perfectly dysfunctional and unhealthy.
"He just did." Sasuke walks in and grabs Mink who solemnly rests his head against his uncle's chest. Sasuke usually doesn't bother with all that but he supposes he's going to be a father and needs to start actually holding children and learning their care.
"No," Naruto pouts. He doesn't feel like sleeping with his husband and wants to go sleep with the parents. He hates Sasuke right now, even if yesterday he couldn't stand to be without him. His moods swings are out of control. He supposes the pregnancy symptoms are kind of very obvious now that he thinks about it, but considering he is Naruto and not a normal person, he didn't notice how temperamental he was being.
"What is that?" Itachi's eyes notice the bruises on Naruto's wrists as soon as he walks into the kitchen.
Sasuke breathes in and starts explaining. "I may have grabbed him a little roughly last night."
"Because," Itachi narrows his eyes.
"He was being difficult." Sasuke looks sheepish. It's ridiculously out of character.
"What are you…" Deidara turns around and immediately notices the bruises. "Oh my fucking god." He notices the children staring at him. "I mean fudge. Don't swear, un." He orders the twins who stare with the same soulless gaze their father so effortlessly adorns.
"I…" Sasuke says apologetically. "It won't happen again."
"You are never leaving my sight again." Deidara tells Naruto who squirms under his gaze. "Do you hear me?"
"I said it won't happen again," Sasuke tells Itachi who shrugs.
"Don't tell me," Itachi gestures to where Deidara has his arms wrapped around Naruto. Bani looks delighted because both mommies are simultaneously holding him. This is the life.
"You monster." Deidara hisses at Sasuke. "You stay away, un."
"Ugh." Sasuke groans as Mink wonders what he's done to deserve such malice from mother.
"Where is Kisame?" Itachi asks Deidara, wrinkling his nose because breakfast is now burning.
"I don't know," Deidara rushes toward the stove when he realizes what's happened. "You are going to have to plan a wedding or dispose of a body soon, un."
"Lovely," Itachi murmurs before he sits down, staring at Mink, who is still awaiting an explanation.
"It is literally someone just watching you." Neji murmurs, observing diligently, as he has been all night. "I can't make out who, which is worrisome. It's a specialist."
Neji is very good at observing. Shikamaru notes. Of course he is. He is a Hyuuga and he has those freaky eyes.
"He is very good," Neji comments, "If he can hide from me, he is stealthy."
"Why is he outside my house?"
"Good question," Neji turns around from where he is peeking outside Shikamaru's curtains. "What did you do?"
"Me?" Shikamaru gestures to himself and his suburban house and his plain ass bedroom. "Are you serious?"
Neji raises an eyebrow. "Did you piss someone off?"
"No, god." Shikamaru makes a face, "Oh god." He can hear his mother coming upstairs. "Incoming."
"Do you have another girl in there?" Yoshino barges in without knocking, which is disturbing because she is clearly looking to catch her son in the act, "So you do," She sneers, mistaking Neji for a girl. "Shame on you, what will your parents think if they find you in a boy's room late at night?"
"I don't know." Neji has no idea what his parents think and honestly has never asked.
When faced with a deep male voice on such a feminine face, Yoshino is shocked and appalled. "Oh?" She turns to Shikamaru with an explanation.
Shikamaru shrugs.
"Is he here to have sex with you?" Yoshino hisses.
Girls come and go from this place like it's some kind of harem and she is fucking sick of it. She is afraid of her kid getting an STD. She is too young to be a grandmother and god knows there is a rumour that Shikamaru is a genius. Yoshino has seen no such signs in the delinquent but if it's true he better fucking make bank and give her loads of money.
Shikamaru is immune to her acid tone at this stage in the game. "Are you here to have sex with me?" He asks Neji who has turned red but thankfully goes unnoticed in the darkness of the room.
"I don't think so?" Neji tries not to sound hopeful. Tries being the keyword.
"I am sick of you." Yoshino snaps and slams the door shut behind her.
"Sorry about her." Shikamaru doesn't sound apologetic at all. "You might as well sleep here tonight."
"W-What?" Neji stammers.
"Or am I coming with you?" Shikamaru can't see what's outside but he reckons whoever is outside is not going anywhere. He's not comfortable being alone and if a Hyuuga can't protect him then an Uchiha can't? He really doesn't want to call the police.
"Okay," Neji grabs a pillow off the bed to make himself comfortable on the floor. "Good night."
"You can't be serious," Shikamaru's bed is a mere twin but two guys can fit on it. Not really but whatever. It's just Neji. They can make it work.
"Oh yes I am." Neji really doesn't trust himself alone with Shikamaru on a tiny bed. No sir. "Good night."
"Thanks for being here." Shikamaru is already dozing off. This is really cutting into his sleep time. He might not even make into school. Thanks creepy stalker.
"Anytime." Neji says but Shikamaru is already asleep. Endearing, Neji tries not to think but too late. He's in way too deep and his heart is gone.
"I need to talk to you, un."
"Fine." Itachi wrinkles his nose at the lovesick look on Kisame's face. It's disgusting. He's also a little jealous because Kisame is usually his person. His attention is usually one hundred percent on Itachi. It's disconcerting to see him dating.
"I don't like that." Deidara is clearly very upset about the Sasuke and Naruto thing, that he has failed to notice the Kisame and Itachi thing. Also he is kind of exhausted, all the time. Parenthood will do that to a person. "I am really upset, un."
"What do you want from me." Itachi misses saying that, to Kisame. He kind of hates that a woman will fulfill Kisame's needs from now on. He wrinkles his nose again.
"I want…" Deidara is frustrated. "I don't know what I want, un." Sasuke is Itachi's little boy. Deidara can't just have him killed. Which is awful because that is exactly what Deidara wants right now. A dead Sasuke. A dead Sasuke for hurting his sweet blond snack.
"I will talk to him." Itachi almost takes a step back. Deidara is kind of scary. It's kind of hot.
"Thank you," Deidara wants to bow but remembers if he does he will keel over and fall asleep. He is tired to say the least.
"Why don't you go to sleep?" Itachi says slowly.
"The babies need me." Deidara says it but doesn't mean it. He wants to sleep so bad. The babies keep him awake all the time. Even Uchiha children don't keep a proper schedule, which makes no sense. Their father is completely OCD. Deidara would ask Mikoto what Itachi was like as a baby but that would involve actually calling her.
Deidara isn't sure the woman would take his calls.
"Take some rest." Itachi orders, "The children will be taken care of." He hopes.
"Yes sir." Deidara says obediently. "Naruto, we are going to bed." He holds out his hands and calls out to the smaller blond who obeys and trots over like a housetrained puppy.
"No," Itachi panics a little. He sent Deidara to bed because Naruto is here to watch the children.
"I am not leaving him alone with that abuser, un." Deidara hisses at Sasuke who holds up his hands in defeat. "You can both take care of the boys."
"I will see you boys later." Kisame giggles and heads straight for the door.
"No," Itachi lowers himself on the sofa as Kisame turns around and shows off his outfit. A see-through shirt, which shows off his nipples. "I'm going to let her get to second base!" He declares to Sasuke who makes a face demonstrating his cringe.
"You have ruined everything." Itachi has a sudden urge to burn Sasuke alive. He cannot for the life of him remember why he was trying to save this boy's life. It simply doesn't matter to him anymore.
"I will get that." Sasuke runs towards the children who are sobbing.
"You do that." Itachi has a sudden urge to call his mother, nobody deserves that, not even his silly little brother.
"They won't stop." Sasuke stares at the inconsolable little boys. "What am I doing wrong?"
"Hold on," Itachi braces himself and dials his mother's number. This should teach him not to mess with the fluff ball. Itachi thinks to himself venomously.