The thing about Eiichi's claustrophobia was that it was entirely situational. Being trapped in, say, an elevator, for example, was acutely distressing. On the other hand, being "trapped" in a hotel bed, tucked tightly under thick layers of blankets and being pushed against the wall because he had to make room for his friends… that was an example of a scenario where he didn't mind the feeling of being stuck so much.

They always did this whenever they had to stay in a hotel for work. Two beds, one king sized and one queen so they could pack as many people onto each mattress as physics and spatial reasoning would allow them to. It was somewhat an unusual practice for a group of such high renown, but it saved them quite a bit of money on hotels, and it wasn't like any of them minded the dog-piling either. The warmth radiating from their bodies would trickle down and surround them all in a soft glow. Eiichi loved the feeling of being close to his friends like this; it made him feel more complete, as corny as that sounded.

Right now, it was the day after the Maji Love Kingdom afterparty and the four eldest members of HEAVENS were lined up onto a mattress like a can of sardines. Nagi and Shion were peacefully resting on a slightly smaller bed adjacent to theirs, both leaning their heads against Eiji's shoulders. The younger Otori had his arms around each of their backs as Nagi squirmed, his nose and eyebrows twitching, deep in some sort of dream. Shion's sleeping face, on the other hand, was perfectly serene, letting out soft breaths in his sleep as the ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

Eiichi was on the edge of the king-sized bed, his lungs feeling tighter than usual. This wasn't necessarily due to the limited amount of space he was confined into, though; rather, it was a result of the man who was currently lying right next to him.

The events of the previous night were not quickly forgotten by either male. Eiichi and Van had ended up staying in the penthouse overnight, though Van was already gone by the time Eiichi woke up, and they proceeded to spend the majority of the day avoiding one another. Eiichi's main issue with the entire situation was that he didn't want to completely shut Van out. He wanted to look into Van's eyes. Wanted to hear his voice. Wanted, even if he was disinclined to admit it, to be with him, and as more than just good friends or - God forbid their relationship ever become demoted to this - business partners.

But after what happened the other night? He desperately needed to collect himself before he was ready for any sort of confrontation. He just needed time, that was all. Time away from him so he could expertly craft the right things to say. That plan, of course, was foiled as he and his friends all stuffed their bodies into the bed that night, the taffeta falling delicately over them.

Eiichi ended up next to Van, just his luck.

Yamato and Kira were spooning on the other side of the bed, the larger man's brawny arms wrapped protectively around the pianist. Their bodies fit together perfectly as Kira nestled into him, his back to his chest. Both parties involved would no doubt deny it if it was brought up in the morning, so Eiichi decided he would keep quiet. Van was to their left, which landed Eiichi a spot at the very edge of the bed, uncomfortably bending himself against the hard wall so he could accommodate both his own body and Van's, rather than just allowing them to become the tangle of limbs they would usually morph into throughout the night each time they did this. He had gone out of his way all day to avoid having to run into Van, and now here he was, involuntarily absorbing body heat from the man in question.

Did Eiichi have the worst luck in the world? No, it couldn't be the worst, because he had met Van, and meeting Van was lucky. But God damn, if things didn't turn out differently than how he wanted them to a majority of the time. The Goddess of Fate was really fucking around with him lately, huh.

He felt Van scoot closer, and he sucked in a breath at the feeling of movements beside him. A wisp of air rapped lightly against the nape of Eiichi's neck, tickling and causing goosebumps to spread across his skin like a wildfire. The taller man squeezed his eyes shut, his lips drawing together into a tight line. Maybe, just maybe, Van was asleep. Maybe he could put the conversation off until the morning, when he was rested and had given himself ample time to think things over and his mind wasn't incessantly buzzing with thoughts of -

"Ya know, if you're uncomfortable, Eiichan, you can come closer to me. I don't mind it."

That voice, that voice like warm caramel, rang out through the dark, destroying any last hope Eiichi had left of being able to evade this. Letting out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding, Eiichi accepted his defeat. "Mhm… Thank you, Van." He allowed himself to settle in the bed a bit more, inching back so there was enough distance between himself and the wall to fit his hands there.

As soon as he felt Eiichi's back against his chest, Van swung his leg up to hook it around Eiichi's hips, effectively trapping him. The younger man's breath hitched. Smirking, Van sheathed both arms around Eiichi's torso and pulled him in. Their bodies were now right together, Van's arms creating a barricade that limited any movements forward on Eiichi's part. "Gotcha," he purred into Eiichi's ear. "Ya can't escape now."

Eiichi frowned, trying to ignore the shudder that Van's teasing - and right into his ear, too - sent crawling up his spine. "I wasn't planning to go anywhere in the first place."

"I dunno if I believe that."

"What if I need to get up to pee?"

Van giggled. "If ya need t' pee, just say so, an' I'll letcha up."

"Okay."

They stayed like that for a while, Eiichi enveloped in Van's tight embrace, his bare feet against the wall. Eiichi was sure that Van had fallen asleep before he spoke again, his voice almost startling him, even with how soft it was.

"Ya still haven't answered my question from the other night."

Eiichi's lips parted. "What question?" He knew exactly what question Van was referring to.

Van's hand trailed up to the tips of Eiichi's ears, fingers idly playing with some rogue strands of auburn. "What is it that you're afraid of?"

Eiichi felt his throat turn dry. "… Enclosed spaces," he declared after a few seconds of silence.

Van's chest rumbled with silent laughter. "That's not what I meant." He allowed his free hand to slide down Eiichi's chest, only stopping when it reached his navel, his palm resting flat against the toned stomach. "Eiichi, you're pushin' me away. Why is that?"

The pregnant silence that followed was unbearable. Not even the sound of Nagi whining as he tossed and turned in his bedsheets provided any comfort to either of them.

Van sighed, taking Eiichi's refusal to answer as license to continue. "Ya wouldn't kiss me back at all last night. I was pretty much makin' out with you, an' you just sat there an' let me do it, without doin' anythin' on yer own. But ya didn't stop me either. Made me think ya didn't want me to do it, but then you told me not to stop an' I don't… I dunno what I'm s'posed t' make of that." His voice trickled off at the end, fading into a melancholy tone. "I don't… I dunno if you're just leadin' me on, or - "

"Leading you on?" Eiichi twisted around to face him, his amethyst eyes glinting with anger as their gazes met. "Leading you on? You really think I'm the type of person who would do that, Van? You really think I would sink to that level?"

"Well, when one minute you're cuddlin' me an' the next I'm on top of you makin' out with you an' gettin' absolutely nothin' back, I don't know what else I'm s'posed t' think is happenin'."

Eiichi's features contorted into a scowl. "I'm not obligated to kiss you back, Van. I don't owe you my kisses."

A clear look of hurt flashed across Van's dark eyes, his Adam's apple pulsating in his throat as he gulped. A feeling of guilt rushed through the other man like an electric shock. "Fine. Then I guess I'll stop tryin'."

He unraveled himself from Eiichi, flipping over onto his other side so that he was facing Yamato's back instead. The blonde kicked out in his sleep, the heel of his foot colliding with Van's shin, but Van pretended not to be bothered by it.

Was that Eiichi's only skill, aside from his musical talents? Fucking things up? Because he seemed to be doing a lot of that lately, and with flying colors each time. Sighing, he moved closer to his friend. "Trying to do what, Van?"

"To actually be somethin' with you. To pretend like we have somethin' when clearly we don't, if you're not interested. I don't wanna keep wastin' my time, an' I don't wanna bother ya with somethin' you're clearly too good for."

"Too good?" Eiichi hissed. The volume of his voice rose with every word, but he still tried to contain himself, lest he wake up the other five inhabitants of the room. "Too good? Van, my problem is that I'm not good enough."

This piqued the older man's curiosity. He rotated back around, eyes alight with concern as they met his friend's.

Eiichi released a rough sigh before continuing. "Van, I genuinely want us to have something too, just as much as you do. Maybe even more. Because truth be told, after you kissed my forehead when I was breaking down in the elevator, you've been at the forefront of every single one of my thoughts since then."

Van opened his mouth to speak, but Eiichi stopped him. "Every time we get too close, I get scared. My heart beats fast and my palms get all sweaty and I feel I could just… shut down at any moment, and just start operating on auto-pilot. Even now, being in this bed with you, feeling you so close to me, I'm terrified out of my mind. Feel that." He grabbed Van by the wrist and stuck his palm firmly against his chest - sure enough, Van could feel rapid palpitations under the skin.

"And when you were on top of me last night, just putting your lips all over me… even though I'd been… practically craving it for so long, the only thing I could think of was how you shouldn't be doing it. Not because I didn't want it, because I did, God knows I did, but because I wanted it too badly and I knew it wasn't good for me." His voice began to shake. "I don't… I don't like to let myself have good things. Having good things never ends well for me. And HEAVENS is the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I feel like I'm letting myself indulge in you guys and this little found family thing we have going here… I'm indulging in it too much. Because I feel like one day, this will all be taken from me too."

Eiichi hadn't even noticed that a tear had begun to carve down his cheek until Van reached out and smeared it away, leaving a damp stain in its wake. "I'm just… I'm a mess, Van, God I'm a fucking mess, I put on this front of always being confident and having my shit together but I really don't. And you're such an amazing person, like, you're an actual angel on earth. And you deserve so much better than a hot mess like me. Willingly tying yourself down to someone like me would practically be emotional suicide. And I don't want to put you through it. I don't. You deserve the world and I can't give you that. You need someone who can give you everything that you deserve, and more."

"What if I don't need the world, because I already have it?"

Eiichi shifted his gaze up to match Van's, violet eyes swimming with vulnerability. "Huh?"

A tepid smile spread over Van's chiseled features, the tiniest crease in his forehead present from his eyebrows pushing towards each other lovingly, sadly. He brought a hand up to cup Eiichi's cheek, palm resting at his jaw. "What if you are my world, Eiichi?"

Eiichi stared at Van with wide eyes as the sentence echoed in his head, ricocheting off the walls of his skull. There was no way Van had just said that, and meant it. A tide was welling up inside Eiichi. Everything was happening at once and it was so much, so many more emotions than he had ever experienced in his entire life and so much more than his body was capable of holding.

All at once, the flood suddenly broke. The roaring in Eiichi's ears went mute, he felt a pressure from behind his eyes, and an arsenal of tears was bulleting down his cheeks.

Van said nothing, only scooped him closer and cradled the back of his head, his other hand going to Eiichi's waist. Eiichi could see the contours of Van's neck magnifying under the droplets, focusing on every single iota of skin that was so familiar and yet so foreign.

It was just like that day in the elevator, except that Eiichi's tears were calmer, more controlled, contrary to the reckless sobbing and ragged hyperventilating that the elevator had pushed him into. But they still poured out of him relentlessly, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. And just like last time, Van was there. He was there, holding Eiichi to his chest firmly but touching him gently, his hands just barely skating over him as if Eiichi was made of glass and would shatter if Van wasn't delicate enough. He smelled so good and his body was so warm and Eiichi just lost himself in the affection his friend was spoiling him with. Van stroked his hair and buried his face into the mussed brunette locks, whispering over and over again that it was okay, everything was going to be okay.

His tears finally ebbed, his sniffles lulling in the dead quiet of the room. "I'm sorry," he whispered against Van's neck. "I shouldn't… I don't even know why I'm crying."

Van pushed him up so that they were face to face again, his features alight with the gentlest of smiles. "Maybe I can help ya figure it out."

Eiichi swiped at the residual tears on his cheeks. "It's just… it's just that you're so wonderful, Van. I can't even begin to put into words how wonderful you are. And I don't… I don't want to hurt you. That's the last thing I would ever want." His lower lip trembled.

"And ya think ya would?" Van traced the remaining streaks of dried tears with the nail of his thumb. "Eiichi, you have never hurt me. You've brought me nothin' but friendship an' happiness ever since I first met ya. I know you've got yer faults, but I'm far from perfect either."

Eiichi snorted. "Could've fooled me."

Van blushed, but continued. "I see the you that no one else sees. I know who ya truly are on the inside an' that's the Eiichi that I have feelings for. Not the one who acts all big fer the cameras… though I gotta admit, that Eiichi's got his charms too." He clicked his tongue, casting a playful smirk at his friend before going on. "You're caring. You're selfless. You're always lookin' out fer everybody. Ya know how t' have fun. You are strong, even if ya say it's just a front. You're secretly self-conscious of the way ya look, even though I think you're the most beautiful man on the planet."

A deep vermilion hue spread through Eiichi's face at that last confession.

"These are all things that I know about ya, because I know you. The real you. And I find endearment in every single one of 'em, because they're what make you, you."

Van took a deep breath before pushing the next sentence out of his chest. "Eiichi, I think I'm in love wi-"

He was silenced by a finger that pressed itself firmly against his lips. His eyes flickered down to the finger, then traveled up the arm it was attached to before finally settling on the face it belonged to. Meeting his gaze with twitching eyebrows, Eiichi sighed. "Don't. Please don't, Van… look. I care about you so, so much. More than I've probably ever cared about anyone. You mean the world to me and I… I think you and I are on the same page here, is what I'm trying to say. I just…" He swallowed thickly, the saliva lubricating his throat that had become dry. "I need time. Before I'm ready to hear it said in those exact words. Is that okay with you?"

"Of course it's okay with me." Van coiled a lock of Eiichi's hair around his index finger. "Ya know I'll wait for you until you're ready. I would wait a thousand years for you."

"That's a long time."

"Well, hopefully I won't need that many years, but no pressure. Am I allowed t' say that I would write a love song about you?"

"Sure."

"I would write a hundred love songs about you. I could write a love song of twenty seven minutes and it would just be about when I kissed ya last night."

Not saying anything, just looking at him with his huge mauve eyes, Eiichi listened. The heat blossoming between their two mingling bodies was a lot. He leaned his head back, trying to get some air, but it didn't do much.

"I'm already writin' it in my head," Van finally said after a while.

"Is it any good?"

"No."

Eiichi smiled at this, concealing his mouth behind his hand to stifle the laughter that threatened to bubble out of him and disturb the others. "Maybe I should help you write it."

"But then it won't be special. It's gotta be a message from me to you; if ya help me write it, it defeats the whole purpose."

"Fine. But then I'll write you my own love song. And mine's gonna be twenty eight minutes long."

"Eiichan, can I kiss you again?"

It was such an innocent question, but to Eiichi, it held such weight that it hung in the darkness of the room for what felt like hours after it had left Van's lips. Their breathing seemed suspended in the air between them as they stared at each other. Eiichi chewed his lower lip, weighing his options. On the one hand, it was much appreciated that Van had asked first, unlike all those other times. Plus, it was a ridiculously tempting offer, like some kind of forbidden fruit that the devil on Eiichi's shoulder was begging him to take a bite of. Except it wasn't forbidden, because Van's lips were right there in front of him, soft and lush and pink and looking like they would feel so comfortable against his, and no evil or mayhem would occur if he did take that alluring bite.

On the other hand, Eiichi already felt sparks igniting inside his chest, and he hadn't even given Van the green light to use the L-word yet. If anything else happened, he might explode.

"… Anywhere but the lips. Okay?" He moved in closer once again, granting Van easier access to his many available kissing-spots.

A bright grin eclipsed Van's features, one that would put the sun to shame. He leaned in closer, his lips landing right on the tip of Eiichi's nose. Eiichi blinked in response to the contact, making Van giggle. He lightly tapped the spot he had kissed, then kissed it again. "Wanna cuddle fer the rest of the night?" he offered.

"Can I be little spoon?"

"Anythin' ya want."

"Then yes."

They gifted each other with a mutual grin of agreement, then Eiichi shifted over so his back was facing Van once more. Those small, familiar arms took to his waist once again, cocooning him into his own safe haven. Eiichi didn't take long to fall asleep, shrouded in a happiness he had not previously known existed - at least, not for himself. But now, he had it. And he had it because he was taking it for himself. He deserved to be happy, just as anybody else. So he was allowing himself to be.

Everything was fine.