Chapter 23 - Emotions and choices

Jonathan had never been so worried in his life.

He believed in Clark, and he knew how tough his wife could be, so some part of him had total faith that everything would work out just fine. Still, his fifteen year old son was jumping from the top of one skyscraper to another, in order to save his wife from a group of angry gunmen. It was enough to give him a heart attack.

If only he'd held his ground and insisted his family never got involved with the Luthors! They'd never be in this mess. But no, it hadn't been enough for the Luthors to take hold of their town, transform their economy to depend on them, and pollute their land with their refinery chemicals. Lex had had to worm his way into their lives, into their hearts, into their family . . . and then he'd done this.

He and Martha had been in the unique position of being able to choose their family. They had chosen each other, of course, but they had also chosen Clark, and as Martha was fond of saying, he had chosen them.

Choosing Clark had hardly been without its dangers. For starters, dealing with a five-year-old with supernatural levels of strength and speed who was having a tantrum . . . well, it didn't come without sacrifices. There was also always the fear of losing Clark to someone who knew his secret, as well as the possibility of people using Jonathan and Martha's vulnerability against Clark. Still, they'd chosen him—and Jonathan would never change that choice.

They'd chosen Lex, too. It had been over six months since Jonathan had agreed with Martha to consider Lex part of their family. Lex posed a different kind of danger, one that Jonathan had had much less time to think through. Jonathan didn't really believe that Lex would willingly betray them or purposefully put them in danger, but the corporate games he and his father played put the entire town at risk, especially those who openly stood by Lex.

The difference was that the danger Clark posed was never Clark's fault. Lex, on other hand, with his public corporate battles . . .

Jonathan wouldn't stand for it. He'd go over there and give Lex a piece of his mind—it was long overdue. His fists itched to teach the kid a different kind of lesson about endangering his family, but he'd settle for reaming him out until Lex felt the full weight of what he'd caused, until guilt burned out his insides and leaked from his eyes. He knew he could probably bring him to tears with words alone.

Jonathan turned and started toward Lex, but stopped short when he saw him.

Lex's face was pale, his head was glistening with sweat, and he paced, pulling out his phone every few seconds, staring at the screen, then shoving it back into his pocket. His eyes were bloodshot, and his arms shook.

Jonathan froze. A vision suddenly filled his mind: Clark pacing and trembling like that, the way he always did when he was wracked with unbearable guilt or conflict. Jonathan knew what he would have done for Clark in that situation. He'd have sat him down and talked him through whatever he was feeling. He might have gently chided him for anything he had done that was wrong, but he would have allowed Clark's conscience to do most of the work, and made sure Clark knew he was loved and forgiven.

Yes, there had been times when he'd made Clark cry with a good hard scolding, too. But it was always out of love, and only when Clark needed it. Never when he looked like that.

Jonathan stepped back away from Lex. He couldn't yell at him, but he could always ignore him. They could be rid of the Luthors so easily. Jonathan was sure he could convince Martha to quit her job after this. And Lex had promised to stay away, only moments ago. They could leave it at that.

But as Jonathan glanced back over at Lex, he couldn't unsee what he'd started to see through Martha's eyes. Lionel's abuse, the intentional withholding of love from his son. Lex's brokenness and desperation to be loved. Jonathan didn't want to think about what Lex might do someday, to try to earn his father's love.

Jonathan sighed. This whole thing had happened because Lex was fighting his father. Most danger to others had been in the crossfire, which would put both of them at fault in Jonathan's eyes, but Lex had a point, about how he couldn't stop fighting. Martha had fully convinced Jonathan the closure of the plant was Lionel's doing, and since then, Lex had just been fighting to keep it afloat. Fighting to protect the Kents and everyone else.

Bugging offices, blackmail, deception—Jonathan didn't pretend to understand corporate games. All of it made him a little sick, but he knew what it was like to make a tough moral decision, and he wasn't exactly upset with Lex for trying to spy on Lionel. He was upset with the outcome.

Jonathan wanted nothing more than to put the blame on Lex. And yes, Lex had made a mistake. But his greatest mistake was in trusting the wrong people, and in withholding information from Jonathan. He couldn't possibly have known that Lionel and Martha would be in the building, or that the team would take them hostage. The outcome of Lex's bad decision was hurting the Luthors as much as it was hurting the Kents.

Somehow, knowing all of that somehow didn't ease Jonathan's anger with Lex. But Jonathan had learned a lot about what family was and wasn't over the years. One thing, he knew for certain: it wasn't conditional.

Could he really be offering unconditional love to Lex Luthor?

Jonathan shook his head, grimacing. It wasn't a question of whether he could. He already had. Which meant that somehow, he had to forgive this kid. The son of the man who'd threatened his family, cheated his friends, and tried to destroy his town.

Martha was always reminding him that Lex was the one fighting Lionel. Jonathan supposed he should probably be proud of Lex for that, not angry, but he just couldn't get himself there.

But pride was an emotion. Anger was an emotion. Forgiveness was a choice.

And love? That wasn't just a choice. That was an action.

He could forgive. He had to. It would take time, and a lot of talking, but time and talking had taken them quite a long way already, and Martha always had a way of helping him work his way through his anger. He could trust her.

Assuming she made it out of the building okay.

Jonathan swallowed hard and glanced back at the LuthorCorp building. That's when Clark and Martha ran out of the front doors.

Lex's mind raced as Clark exited the building along with Mrs. Kent and Lex's father. Lex knew that a window had been broken on the thirtieth floor, but other than that, there'd been no breaching of the perimeter. He wanted to rush toward Clark, to demand to know how he'd gotten into the building, but he could save it for his Room of Obsession. He had just promised he'd stay away from the Kents.

So he approached his father instead. He was ready for a verbal lashing he'd never forget, but it never came. His father was curt and to the point, and he announced that he'd be moving out of the mansion.

Lex knew he should be thankful, but somehow the hands-off approach left him hurting even more than usual. It made no sense, but pain was often like that—it didn't always seem to match what caused it. Like how he bore no lasting marks from the time his father had beaten him with an epee at nineteen, but he still had a scar from the time his father had split his lip at seventeen—and that was a single punch. An extended scolding could leave him with only a mild sting, but a few sharp words could keep him awake all night.

His father walked away, and Lex was left standing alone, feeling like a lost child. He turned slowly to see Mr. and Mrs. Kent embracing, his hands running through her hair. They pulled back and smiled at each other, the love in their eyes radiant, then Mrs. Kent put an arm around Clark.

Lex knew he'd be held to his promise to stay away, but suddenly he couldn't imagine his life without them. Being able to talk and laugh with Clark was the closest thing he'd ever had to real friendship in his life, and it kept his darkness at bay. Mrs. Kent's comfort, encouragement, and even chastising filled his heart with light, strengthening him against the darkness. And Mr. Kent was quite literally the first man he'd ever felt he could look up to.

To lose all of them at once . . . The last time he'd had to fathom such emptiness was when his mother died a few months after Julian.

Watching the Kents walk away with their arms around each other, he suddenly flashed back to the last time there'd been a hostage situation in a LuthorCorp building. His father had berated him, then held him stiffly for the benefit of the cameras, and Lex had looked over at the Kents to see a similar scene to today.

Watching the Kents' genuine love and affection for each other while his father held his love back from Lex, right at the surface of his skin, had been a unique and excruciating form of pain. Today was another taste of the same, and somehow it hurt even more, knowing he'd come so close to having everything he wanted.

But he'd wrecked everything, just like he knew he would. He could feel the presence of the darkness inside him, but it didn't say anything. It didn't have to.

Lex watched them go as if in slow motion, daggers piercing his heart. A burning weight pressed into his chest, and the debilitating heat spread through his veins to the rest of his body.

Then Mrs. Kent looked over.

She glanced over her shoulder at Lex, and the three of them stopped. They broke apart, and Clark and Jonathan turned to face Lex as well.

"Lex. Come here," Mrs. Kent said.

Lex's heart jolted, and he froze.

"Come here."

He made himself walk toward them, his feet feeling like lead.

As soon as he was in reach, Mrs. Kent threw her arms around him. Only when his arms fully enveloped her did he realize how hard he was shaking. "I was so scared, Mrs. Kent."

"I know, sweetie." She pulled back, and Clark took her place, embracing him tightly. That was new—Clark had never hugged him before.

Mr. Kent had mostly been staring at the ground, but he looked up and met Lex's eyes when Clark let go.

Lex struggled to pull in a breath. "Mr. Kent—"

"Let's save it for when we get back to the house." He clapped Lex on the shoulder. "We'll talk then. As a family."

"Yes, sir," Lex said, and the world swam.

Mrs. Kent smiled and put one arm around her husband and one around Lex, Clark wrapped his arm around Lex from the other side, and the four of them walked together.