Chapter 31 - Pain

Lex didn't go to bed that night. His inner darkness kept him up later and later, taunting with increasingly harsh I told you so's. In the end, he drank until he passed out on the couch in his study.

He woke up too late with a pounding headache. He dragged himself up long enough to make a few phone calls, cancelling his appointments and giving a few instructions to the managers at the plant, then he made himself drink some water—though he vomited immediately after draining the glass—and went to bed.

But the darkness inside him wouldn't leave him alone, even in his dreams.

"You knew all along they were lying to you."

"They wouldn't lie if they didn't have a good reason."

"Maybe they had a good reason for making you believe they loved you, too."

In the nightmare, Lex gripped his head in anguish. "Why do you hate me?"

"I don't. I want to survive. Your weakness will be the death of me." The voice became uncharacteristically gentle. "Why don't you let me drive for a bit?"

"No! I have to fight you!"

It laughed. "More lies from Jonathan Kent. How long are you going to believe him, Lex?"

"Leave me alone!"

"How long until you understand? You are alone. I'll never leave you. I AM you."

Lex woke up the next morning feeling much less rested than before he went to sleep, but he couldn't take another day off of work. He had a plant to run, employees to protect from his father. He had to work.

At least the work was difficult. It forced him to focus on what he was doing. He didn't have time to wallow in the pain.

Even so, he felt it. It hurt that the Kents didn't trust him. It hurt that they had lied for so long. It hurt that right when he was starting to believe they loved him like a son, he was forced to release any trust in them he'd held onto. And despite everything, it hurt to be away from them. He missed them all terribly.

But if he was honest with himself, what burned the most was the curiosity itself. He was ashamed that that was the hardest part to ignore. Lex found himself spending more time in his Room of Obsession than ever. What could possibly be so bad that the only friends he'd ever had were willing to break his trust to keep their secret? Maybe if he could uncover the truth, he could understand why it was so important to the Kents that Lex never find out.

Some part of him understood the irony of that logic, but he was in too much pain to care.

Martha abandoned the breakfast dishes and instead joined Jonathan mucking out the stables the next morning.

"Do you think we did the right thing?" she asked.

"I don't know, sweetie. It all happened pretty fast."

"Maybe it happened too slowly. We've been lying to him for a very long time while also telling him he's part of our family."

He sighed. "He's smart enough to know when he's being lied to. I'm surprised it took this long."

"But . . . admitting to lying without telling the truth . . ."

Jonathan paused in his work to turn around and face her. "The way I saw it, we had four options. We could have kept lying to him—"

"—which wouldn't work, after what Clark said."

"Right. We could have told him everything—"

"Would that have been so bad?" Martha shook her head. "He would never betray Clark."

"I don't think he would, but I'm not willing to take that chance while he's fighting Lionel. I don't want to put either of them in danger." Jonathan took a step closer to her. "So I went with a third option. Tell him the truth that the secrets exist, and try to make him understand why we're keeping them."

"You know, if he knew what the secret was, I'm sure he'd understand why we want to keep it."

"I know."

Martha wiped the sweat from her forehead. "So what was the fourth option?"

"Cut him out of our lives entirely." Jonathan shook his head. "But even if I thought it would help, I don't want to do that to him."

"I'm afraid he's going to do that to us."

Jonathan winced, and Martha returned to her work. They'd made their choice. She didn't know what else to say.

They worked in silence for a few minutes. Martha kept having to blink back tears. In a careless moment influenced by that cursed red meteor rock, Clark might have destroyed everything they'd all worked so hard to build. She didn't have to tell him that, though. He'd been pretty torn up the night before over what he'd done.

Martha finally spoke again. "I can't imagine what that voice in his head is telling him right now."

Jonathan stopped working and came over to stand beside her.

"We have to help him," she said. "We promised."

He put a hand on her back, rubbing gently.

Martha swallowed hard and let her eyes fall closed as Jonathan pulled her into his arms.

A few moments later, she returned to the house to take care of the dishes she'd neglected. The box of muffins Lex had left behind sat on the table. She remembered the way he had pulled away from her attempt to hug him the night before, and she broke down into tears.

Jonathan was about to enter into the house to grab some lunch when he spotted Martha through the glass door. She was washing dishes. Tears ran down her face.

He took a step back. His better judgement told him that Lex needed time to cool off, but he couldn't stand to see his wife in this state. He got in his truck and drove to see Lex.

It had been awhile since he'd been at the mansion. He parked his truck on a street and approached the front gate, where the security guard stopped him. "Name and business?"

"I need to talk to Lex."

"Mr. Luthor isn't seeing anyone right now."

"Tell him it's Jonathan Kent."

The security guard kept a stony expression. "Mr. Luthor has revoked entry clearance for you and your family."

Jonathan swallowed hard and rubbed the back of his neck. He turned to go, but the image of Martha's tears filled his mind, and he faced the guard. "Now you listen to me—"

"Mr. Kent." The guard sighed. "I know what you and your family have done for Mr. Luthor. I've seen the boy smiling when he comes back from his visits to your farm. I've served the Luthors for years, and that's something I had never seen before."

Jonathan took a deep breath. "Then let me in."

The guard shook his head. "I have orders to follow."

Jonathan breathed into speak again, but the guard cut him off.

"Take my advice, Mr. Kent: wait it out. The boy is stubborn, but he can't hold a grudge as long as his father can. He'll come around. He's a good kid."

Jonathan just stared at the guard for a moment, then nodded.

After giving Lex a couple of days to cool off, at the advice of his parents, Clark dropped by the mansion after school to try to apologize again. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if he found out a friend had been lying to him for as long as they'd been friends, especially if the person wouldn't open up about whatever the lies had been about.

But Lex wasn't home, and the mansion security guards sent Clark away. Clark even went down to the plant to see if Lex was there, but the security there said he was in meetings.

Clark left a few messages on Lex's cell phone, sent him an email, and even mailed him a letter. One way or another, he was going to get through to him. He wasn't willing to lose his best friend, the closest thing he'd ever had to a brother.

He found himself disappearing into his thoughts throughout the next school day, drowning in guilt over having hurt his friends so badly. Lana, of course, was still avoiding him, and Chloe was busy with the Torch, so Clark was left alone with Pete during lunch.

"Everything alright, man?"

Clark realized he'd been staring off into space for the millionth time today. "Yeah, just . . . things are kind of tense after everything that happened."

"Your parents are upset with you? Do they know I was the one who gave you the red meteor rock?"

"My parents aren't upset. But Lana isn't speaking with me. Neither is Lex."

Pete rolled his eyes. "Well, something good came out of all this."

Clark turned to look Pete in the eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've been telling you forever he's bad news, and now he's finally out of your life."

Clark blinked. "Lex isn't out of my life."

"You said he wasn't talking to you."

Clark scoffed. "Neither is Lana, do you think Lana is out of my life?"

"No, but Lana is a kind, forgiving person. She's a real friend. And Lex is . . . you know."

"No, I don't know." Clark crossed his arms. "What is he?"

Pete grimaced. "A Luthor."

Clark swallowed hard. "I think he'll forgive me. Eventually. In the meantime, he's really hurt, and I feel terrible."

Pete shrugged.

Clark fumed. He'd never seen Pete quite like this. "You know, you tried to kill Lex last year. And last week, you ran through the streets yelling that I'm an alien."

"I was infected by meteor rocks and parasites! I don't even remember doing those things."

"Okay, but you also got pretty upset with me when you first found out my secret."

"Yeah, well, can you blame me?"

"No, I forgave you, and you forgave me. Because we're friends."

"What's your point?"

Clark looked away. "Lex is my friend, too. He's always been a good friend to me. And I hurt him, and you're happy about it."

"I just don't trust him, Clark." Pete sighed heavily. "His father—"

"Cheated your father out of the creamed corn factory. I've heard." Clark set his jaw.

"It ruined my family for awhile, Clark! Everything they'd worked for, gone."

"But I don't get it, Pete. Why would you hate Lex for something his father did?"

"Because even if they don't work together anymore, the Luthors are bad for everyone. Their business runs dirty. They pollute the city, they cheat people, and they don't care who they hurt as long as they get what they want."

"That's what Lionel does."

"That's what Luthors do."

Clark suddenly didn't feel hungry. With two of his best friends already upset with him, Clark didn't want to fight with a third, but Pete's prejudice was getting old. "Did you know Lex's father hits him?"

Pete raised his eyebrows. "Is that what he told you?"

It had taken a long time to convince Lex to let Clark even tell his parents about the abuse; by telling Pete, Clark was breaking his trust. The last thing Clark needed was another reason for Lex to be upset with him.

In reality, Lex hadn't told him about the abuse, at least not willingly. Clark had overheard shouting one afternoon as he was walking through the mansion hallways to get to Lex's study, and a moment after it had ended, Mr. Luthor had passed Clark in the hallway. Clark had walked in on Lex sitting on the front edge of his desk, head hung, left cheek bright pink, the side of his lower lip bleeding, eyes squeezed shut in a deep wince. He'd practically jumped out of his skin when Clark called his name, but he wiped away the blood and smiled, greeting Clark like nothing had happened.

Clark pressed his lips together. He shouldn't have said anything at all to Pete, but he was getting awfully sick of keeping secrets from people he cared about. "I'm going to go see if Chloe needs help with the Torch." He stood from the table, emptied his lunch tray into the trash, and left the cafeteria.

As far as Clark knew, no one else was aware that Lex's father was abusing him. That meant Lex would be alone the next time he got hit.

Clark took a deep breath. It would be okay. He was sure Lex would forgive him and rejoin their family by then. How long could he stay angry?

Chloe was busy tapping away at her computer when Clark entered. "Hey, can I get your eyes on something before I print it? I'm not sure if it's—" She looked up from her computer, and her eyes widened. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just—" His voice broke, and he tried again. "Lana's upset with me, and Lex isn't talking to me either, and then Pete and I just started arguing in the cafeteria, and . . ."

She stood and came over to him. "I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Clark."

"I just feel like I keep hurting everyone in my life."

"We all hurt people we care about sometimes."

His eyes stung.

Chloe hesitantly reached up and put a hand on his shoulder, stroking gently.

He blinked a couple of times. "Thanks for being here for me, Chloe."

"You know I always will be, right?"

He swallowed and nodded, and she wrapped her arms around him. He returned the embrace, and he rested.