Chapter 17 - The Shooting Stars

Relena POV

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So far, dying didn't seem painful. At least not physically.

Living in the world that was slowly perishing of the infection and witnessing throughout the years the death of her close ones, as well as strangers, Relena came to terms with the possibility that she probably won't live to the old age. That made her often wonder what her final moments would look like. Would she simply close his eyes, resigned and reconciled, or would she writhe in convulsions, fighting for every breath? Would she suffer? And would somebody be there for her to say goodbye to?

She chuckled under her breath.

"What's so funny?"

Hearing his voice, she shrugged, although she understood his curiosity. It was rather uncommon for a dying person to laugh. "It's just…" she started, "I feel so relieved. I thought that you would shot me. Like you had killed that man in Baltimore."

Relena locked her gaze on a man sitting across the room in a safe distance from her, leaning his back against the plywood, shabby wall. He still held a gun in his hand, resting it casually on his bended knee. Moonlight reflected in his Prussian blue eyes that were focused on her. He remained silent.

"I don't think there's anything strange in that," Relena continued. "Since I'm infected, you should treat me like a deathly danger. There is no way you can help me. In a few hours, I will turn into one of those ravenous things. But I want to thank you for letting me live, for now."

She cast him a soft look, then glanced at the gun in his hand. She didn't want to remember that in a few hours, a bullet from this gun will pierce through her brain, ending everything in a second. At the same time, she realized that though she won't be the one to pull the trigger, she was now in control of her death. And that calmed her down. She would die on her terms, killed by this man...

Indeed. Who was Heero Yuy for her?

A smuggler. A companion. A savior.

An executioner? No, definitely a savior. Once again, he would save her - by giving this nightmare a proper, dignified end. She hoped... no, she knew that Heero would keep his word. During all these months, he always did and never had hurt her. He won't leave her like that.

Relena peered at him; at his strong arms and manly hands, clearly defined shoulder line, slender legs, chocolate-brown hair… and those exceptional, cold eyes of his, that carefully guarded the secrets of his soul. For some inexplicable reason, she wanted to remember him thoroughly, with all these details - even those bloody ones.

"Your arm," she whispered, gazing at his wounds. "You must dress it. And your temple…"

Heero didn't even glance at his bloody hand. "I'll be alright."

Of course, she sighed. He will always be all right. He doesn't need anybody to help him, he will survive. With her gone, he would simply go back to the life he led before…

That made her remember something significant. A matter that shouldn't wait any longer to be solved.

"Heero, there's a favor I need to ask you," she said, her voice hesitant, "though I can't expect you to do that. You don't owe me anything. But this vaccine…" she pointed at her backpack, still lying on the floor several meters from her, right in the spot where she had kicked it, "although it's just a prototype, it probably can make the world normal again."

Heero frowned at the backpack, then moved in its direction and started to rumble through her things, taking out a small, glass vial enclosed on five sides by a metal case. There was a gray-red liquid inside. Relena watched him as he raised the object at his eye level, observing it, holding it in his hands for the first time. She realized that during their entire travel, he had never asked her more about the vaccine, never tried to see it, not to mention to use it. She remembered how surprised she was that he took her words for granted - those that the vaccine existed.

"When I'll be gone, there will be nobody to deliver it to those laboratories in Houston…" she continued, tilting her head. "Unless-"

"Use it."

She lifted her gaze at him, surprised. "You can try using it on yourself. It may still work on you," Heero said, looking into her eyes, holding the vial in his outstretched hand. "It may be not too late, Relena."

Relena involuntarily winced. Something's changed in the way Heero looked at her. His look was almost begging. A natural will of surviving almost made Relena jump at him and snatch the vaccine away from his outstretched hand. But when Heero placed a vial on the floor to roll it in Relena's direction, she let her chin drop against her chest in surrender.

"Don't, Heero," she muttered. "This thing can save thousands. I couldn't waste it on myself."

He narrowed his eyes at her words, though his cautious gaze never left her. "This is not a waste, Relena…"

"It would be!" she sent him a glare. "If this vaccine didn't exist, I would have been dead anyway, maybe latter maybe earlier. I would have died like a miserable rat in a narrow and stinking zone. But this vaccine lasted so long on purpose. It's a hope, Heero. A hope that soon no more sons or daughters like ourselves will lose their families. That there will be no more misery and fear. That's fair, that's something that's needed to be done..."

"That's just bullshit," she heard his hoarse voice as he bowed his head, dropping his gaze. "You're going to die with salvation in the reach of your hand. How is that supposed to be fair?"

A sudden, pungent pain struck Relena's heart as she frowned at this fearless man, who was now looking down, defeated, avoiding her gaze. She was the one dying, but suddenly she felt guilty; guilty of having wasted time she was given, guilty of having left unsaid so many words, guilty of not revealing her feelings… for this man. A tear run down her cheek; she'd done so much wrong. She was dying for it.

Relena gazed on Heero's hand that was clenching around the glass vial. Death is going to be very painful for me after all, she realized, remembering the touch of his fingers on her leg as he was pulling the leeches off her skin. Or when he shielded her with his body against the Clicker. And when those arms of his cradled her crying in her family's house… She realized with sadness and despair that she wouldn't feel his touch anymore. Though he was so close, she was already distant.

It was too late.

"It's only my life," she whispered, barely controlling her shaky voice. "We've reached almost halfway now. I need you to finish what we began."

Heero didn't move back an inch, nor react in any discernible way. Relena braced slightly with her hands against the floor. "It's already hard for me, Heero. I beg you..."

After a moment that seemed like forever, without looking at her nor speaking a single word, Heero eventually inserted the vial into the breast pocket of his shirt and shifted back to his spot under the opposite wall. His eyes were still shrouded by a curtain of his messy chocolate hair, his mouth pursed, but he nodded his head.

Taking this as consent, Relena let out a sigh of relief and sank back against the wall, closing her eyes for an instant, controlling her tears. "I had a good life. I survived so long, traveled so far. I even got to see my family house again. I guess hardly anyone gets such a chance. It's all thanks to you."

Heero glanced slightly up, casting her a puzzled look, his eyes filled with some longing she couldn't read or guess. But she just smiled at him in return. "You're kind, Heero," she whispered, tucking her loose hair to mask her wound. "Don't change. But let yourself show some weakness too, at times. It's so human of you…"

Relena realized that if she even had looked into his eyes for a moment more, she would have lost the last crumbs of her shattered self-control. She looked away, gazing through a window. In the cloudless night sky, calmed after the terrible storm, a lonely shooting star flew. Relena found herself quietly delighted at this wonder of space.

"Oh, you know, Heero," she started, still gazing at the sky, "back at home, when I was little, I had a book about meteors and shooting stars. They're not precisely stars, but tiny bodies from outer space, which unfortunately fell into the Earth's atmosphere and burned there."

She knew him long enough to predict that he wouldn't answer anything to her words. Relena closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"I just realized that what we see on the sky is the shining light of their last breath, as they cease to exist, burning down in the atmosphere. We witness the death of the star. And yet, people believe that those shooting stars grant wishes…"

"The ancient Christians believed," she suddenly heard his voice, firm and calm, "that meteor symbolizes the soul's transition from the Purgatory to Heaven. So-called salvation. And if so, a meteor can take someone's wish straight to God."

Hearing these words, she opened her eyes and thought through what he said, smiling thoroughly after a second. "I see," she clasped her hands on her chest. "Do you think that if I made a wish when I see another star, God would listen to me?"

Heero seemed thinking for a moment about the answer. "I don't believe in God," she finally heard him. Diplomatic, she thought. Better than 'don't count on it.'

Relena looked up through the window at the night sky. She didn't have to wait long; after a while, another glistening spot appeared on the dark tablecloth of the space, sharply heading down towards Earth. It took her breath away at the moment.

"There comes a wish, then…" she announced, closing her eyes. She only had one wish, and she spelled it silently in her soul. She overcame a cry that lured at the bottom of her chest, a silent regret that she wasted her time. That he'll never know about this affection that she had for him.

Then the level of adrenaline in her body suddenly dropped. She felt drenched out of strength, even keeping eyes open seemed a superhuman effort.

So maybe it was a perfect time.

"I'm so tired, Heero," she whispered, opening her eyes again and gazing at him one last time. "I guess I'll go to sleep soon. I want to dream. And I don't intend to wake up."

Saying this, Relena slowly laid her body down on the floor, looking directly at the stars through the window above her.

"I don't blame you… for what happened," she continued, undecided whether she was actually still speaking to him or to herself. "I am grateful that I knew you, Heero. Shame it was so briefly… My only regret is that I wasn't able to see you smiling at me. I really wished to…"

Relena had the impression that with each calmer breath, she slowly escaped from her body, far away from this world, towards the dark sky, into the reign of falling stars. Her body was slowly appropriated by sleep. She hoped that leaving Earth, she would bring not only her wishes to Heaven.

And that maybe, somehow… her last wish would be granted.

x x x

Heero POV

He kneeled inches from her, watching her body moving gently and peacefully in the rhythm of her slow breathing. He realized that those were her last breaths.

She was lying on her back, her one hand wrapped around her stomach, her face calm, lips slightly parted. The gold of her hair was spilled on the floor around her head, illuminated by the moonlight. She looked so vulnerable and innocent, sleeping as peacefully as she usually was during their journey. He got used to that view of her; it drew him to her at night like a wolf from the forest. It's been weeks; he'd watched her, always from a distance, so that she never knew. He didn't know what was making him do so; he just couldn't resist.

Since that evening in her home, when he held her so close, he couldn't forget the warmth of her body and the feeling of his silent admiration for her statuesque beauty. He didn't notice when she imperceptibly broke all the barriers he had built around himself for years. And now, having broken all these barriers, she was choosing to die when she could at least try to save herself.

It just wasn't right.

He failed to save her.

Powerless anger almost blinded him; he gritted his teeth. He glanced down on her, checking if she'd woken. But she was sleeping peacefully. He won't hear her voice again.

He thought he heard a noise outside and gazed over the window. It was already dawning. At least eight hours passed since Relena was bitten. On the last, navy-colored corner of the sky, he noticed a lighting point, speeding towards the Earth and then vanishing. He closed his eyes, making a silent wish of his own. A wish that he knew had no right to come true.

Then he hovered over her beautiful face with a gun in his grasp. He positioned the weapon above her temple, placed his finger on the trigger. Then he let his finger curl around the trigger. Again. The trigger started slowly backing away under pressure.

But then his body came to a halt.

Heero's heart and breathing stopped as if determined to obliterate themselves instead of obeying his mind and letting him pull the trigger. He was suffocating as if he fell into the cold water under the ice. His whole body hurt so profoundly as if all his bones crushed through the surface of his skin. His hand drifted slightly away from Relena's head; his mind was fighting his body, his whole existence was being torn apart. Over this innocent woman.

In a final attempt to regain his breathing, he let the gun fall to his side, swallowing a choking groan at the back of his throat. He didn't understand what was happening to him. Was he on the verge of losing control over his mind and body? Was he the one that got infected? Was he going crazy?

He couldn't kill her. He didn't want her to die. Why?

Heero reached for the glass vial from the pocket of his shirt. Relena didn't even flinch, sleeping peacefully, unaware of the struggle he was experiencing. Her beautiful honey hair was tangled around her neck. He looked at the vial and then reached with the barrel of his gun to gently brush her hair away from the bitten spot on her slim neck.

He held his breath at the view.

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TBC