Chapter 18 - The Sun and The Moon

Heero slipped out on the porch soundlessly, closing the door behind him. He walked over to the wooden railing and stopped abruptly right in front of it, rubbing his face with both hands. He took a deep breath as if he emerged from a deep dive.

"…the fuck…?!" he groaned silently, then ran his hands up, through his hair, looking ahead of him, far in the west, where the night sky was losing the war against the light, disappearing behind the horizon. Turning sharply on his heel, he took a few steps towards the interior of the house, then returned to the porch again; he walked a couple of times back and forth across the porch, sending silent curses into the morning air.

He eventually leaned his back against the wall of the house, then slid to the floor. He looked absentmindedly down at his battered, injured hands. He clenched and unclenched his fists in silence.

What he had seen was so… unusual. Different from anything he saw before. He desperately searched his memory for a similar image from the past, a wound that looked similar to hers so many hours after the bite. His heart sped up as he couldn't remember seeing anything like that ever before.

He turned his head to the side, pressing his ear against the wall, trying to hear the slightest rustle coming from the inside of the house. He knew these frightening sounds all too well: first quiet moans, then wheezing, finally wailing at every shock of the body… But all he could hear was only a deafening silence.

He realized that he started having goosebumps on his bare forearms, and he wished they were just due to the morning chill. He pulled the remaining strip of the bandage out of his pocket and holding its one end in his teeth, he started tying it around the wounded hand. He kept his gaze locked far ahead of him, observing the rising sun reflecting in the waves of the lazily flowing river.

It was impossible. But hell, he saw it with his own eyes. Though he couldn't explain it, though she shouldn't look this way this long after the bite, he wasn't losing his senses either.

Heero deliberately tightened the bandage way too hard around his hand, even letting out a silent groan of pain. He didn't believe in miracles: nobody survived the infection. Relena's body was simply defending itself much longer. That was the only possible explanation.

She will last longer, her slow death will only cause more suffering for her and him. Because he simply couldn't end her life now and here.

Either way… the next few hours will be crucial. All he could do was wait, not letting any false hope germinate in his consciousness.

It's better to live without any hope at all than live by a false one.

x x x

Relena POV

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Something was clearly wrong.

Her eyelids were stinging from the inside. She sensed a ray of an intense light that was warming up her entire body as if she was sitting by the fireplace. Were they the fires of hell, or was she approaching the sun in heaven?

Relena lazily opened her eyes, but the light blinded her. She raised her hand and covered her eyes, recognizing the morning light. The contours of the surrounding reality slowly reached her conscience as she blinked, trying to fight the remnants of sleep. She was lying in the same spot on the wooden floor of the cabin where last night she had bidden goodbye to her earthly life. When she moved to a sitting position, she looked down on her body, noticing a familiar jeans jacket spread on top of her. Its smell was so familiar and comforting.

"Heero...?" she gasped absentmindedly, unable to comprehend what was happening. What reason could he have to cover a dead body with his own jacket? Or an infected person?

Relena instinctively reached the side of her neck and slowly traced the shape of the wound with her fingers. She could feel the hard surface of a slowly-forming scab. The spot didn't burn or hurt, blood already dried out on her neck, hair, and shirt. She touched the whole nip with her palm, feeling the slow pulsing of her blood under the skin. She was unsure what to expect and what the wound should look like now. Then she looked down at her hands, her chest and legs; there was nothing unusual in her body. No rash nor redness. She didn't feel any pain, her vision was clear and sharp as always. She was only unbelievably hungry; she hoped it wasn't a symptom.

At least twelve hours had to pass since she had been bitten…

Relena looked around. The cabin was empty, her backpack was still laying on the floor, and there was no sign of Heero. She felt fear rising in her chest. She crawled closer to her backpack and rifled through it. The vaccine and her gun were gone. And she was out of any supplies.

"Heero?" she called for him, louder this time, slowly getting on her feet, but only silence answered her. She left her backpack on the floor, wrapped Heero's jacket around her shoulders, and walked to the main door to the cabin.

The day that welcomed her outside was sunny and bright, the air was fresh and clear after the storm. Their cabin was standing among a group of other, very similar small houses. At the end on the road that led to their cabin Relena could see a wall of the forest, and far behind it had to be that hellish airport.

"Heero!" Relena called for him once more, looking around. Her voice trembled, she felt panic rising in her chest. Did he just leave her here alone? Did he break his promise? Relena let go of the wooden door and ran down the steps on to the grass. She whipped her head repeatedly, looking for any sign of his presence. "Heero-"

Her voice broke when she suddenly spotted him. He was behind her, sitting at the top of the wooden stairs leading to the cabin's open porch, to the right of the door she just came through. He was in his gray t-shirt, his hair seemed more disheveled than usual, his face tired and light shadows circled his sharp, Prussian-blue eyes. His injured hand was already bandaged, but he still had blood on his temple. He looked exhausted but alert. Relena realized that he probably had to stay awake the entire night.

"Heero... Thank God you're here…" she gasped, relieved, and inexplicably happy to see him again. But when she made a step in his direction, he lifted his gun.

"Don't come closer."

Relena shot her hands up in a gesture of surrender and stopped. "All right, ok..." she said reassuringly, though she couldn't contain her joy of seeing him again. As if fate was playing her prank. She bid him goodbye yesterday, just like she did to everything she knew, everything she wanted, everything she wished for, and what had no longer right to come true - although was spoken during the last flight of a shooting star. "I was afraid that-"

"Show it to me," Heero grunted, interrupting her.

Relena blinked, quickly realizing what he had in mind. She brushed her golden hair from the side of her neck, tilting her head a little to the side to expose the wound. From the corner of her eye, she could see Heero studying the bitten spot from afar. "What's going on?"

"…Fourteen hours passed since you were bitten. The wound is still clear. You didn't develop redness, it stopped bleeding, there are no neurological symptoms by far," Heero analyzed aloud. The confidence with which he spoke made Relena realize that he had to see wounds of other people before they turned; probably a lot of them.

The feeling of prolonging uncertainty took her breath away, she felt her stomach tighten with nervousness. "What does that mean…?"

She noticed a sudden but fleeting emotion that flickered in his steely gaze, then he dropped his gaze. "I don't know," Heero muttered. "But the virus sometimes needs almost two days to develop its stage one."

Hearing this terrifying news, Relena swallowed, desperately trying to regain her composure. "Two days… So it still doesn't mean I'm going to live?"

Heero looked up at her, his eyes still and emotionless. Relena searched his face for any sign of hope, but his eyes dimmed behind the veil of surrender. "Nobody lived being bitten by the infected."

Hearing his words, that mercilessly tore the last hope from her, Relena's heart stopped for a moment. His words chilled her blood as if a bucket of icy water was suddenly poured on her body. She wasn't stupid; deep inside, she expected him to say those words. It was her mind that was desperately trying to hide the harsh truth from her to keep her alive. But what hurt her the most was the look of surrender she saw in his eyes. Relena felt her knees buckling under her, and she slumped helplessly on the grass.

"Heero, this is a nightmare..." She wasn't trying to stop tears that escaped her eyes anymore. Her heart ached so much that her chest tightened, hampering her breathing. What had she done to suffer such torment?

Her eyes flung open again, and she glanced up at the man sitting on the porch. He didn't aim at her anymore, his hand with a gun was resting on his thigh. "I'd rather not wake up today!" Relena cried suddenly, her voice full of anger and remorse. "If there's no hope for me, then why you didn't shoot me while I was asleep?! Why, Heero Yuy!?"

Facing her outburst, Heero frowned at her, his expression darkened, but he didn't say anything. That only hurt her more.

"Do you enjoy watching me like this?" Relena cried at him. She clenched her fists on the tufts of dry grass and pulled them out of the ground, throwing them in his direction in anger. "You're gonna keep me at gunpoint to the last second of my life? It pleases you, looking at my powerlessness? At my slowly dying? At me, being at your fucking mercy? Does it turn you on?!"

Though he didn't say a single word at those accusations, so infamous and unbearable for a man, his pupils widened despite the sunny day. He eyed her the same way he did when they fled through the shopping center a few months ago; when she called him a murderer. Something about this look of his was so overwhelming that it almost made her unable to speak.

"Why… why you didn't kill me, Heero!?" she cried at him again, tears running down her cheeks.

Her cry hung in the air, but he still didn't say any word, now peering at her with a somehow distant look, from behind the curtain of his long bangs. Relena sighed deeply in surrender, catching her lost breath, letting her hands fall to the ground, her chin dropped to her chest.

"If you still want me to live…" she began after a moment, sensing that in a second she will pass out of hunger, "then give me something to eat. Unless you want me to die of starvation before I turn. I have no supplies left."

She didn't look up to see his reaction, but she heard him rifling through his backpack. He got a pear from the inside and threw it to her. Having caught the fruit, Relena instantly started to eat. They sat like that in silence, feeling almost tangibly the presence of death in a world that continued relentlessly.

"What now?" Relena asked as she calmed down her first hunger. The cruel reality began to creep into her consciousness again. She could feel the fear slowly consuming her, and this feeling of powerlessness frustrated her. "Will you leave me here? Or will we sit here and wait for me to turn?"

Heero's gaze became absent and cold again. Relena thought she guessed the answer.

"I don't want to see when you'll be doing it," she whispered, straightening up in all her dignity. "I could hate you then, in that final moment. And I don't want to..."

"I won't leave you," Heero suddenly interrupted her with his firm but calm tone. "And I'll keep my promise."

Their eyes locked onto themselves, neither of them could look away. The wording of this terrifying oath unexpectedly soothed Relena's trembling heart, sealing the final hours of her conscious life and her death. Though it was her to part with this world, her worst nightmare won't come true. She won't pass away abandoned.

x x x

The world continued relentlessly. Morning soon turned into day and day into night. Relena wasn't sure why she owed the long time she was given. However, when the evening came, she felt that her mouth was slowly drying out.

"…after that, Milliardo got angry and forbid me to enter his room. He considered himself almost an adult, and yet he was the same child like me. But I couldn't resist, I still found a way to tease him…"

She chuckled merrily and glanced at Heero. He was sitting on his spot under the wall in silence, listening to her subsequent stories and memories, without interrupting or commenting. He seemed a good listener, and Relena liked to peer at those blue, watchful eyes, from time to time. There was a stillness in them that gave her comfort. Somehow.

"I also remember that my parents were organizing those big, charity balls," she continued with another memory from her past. "I was lucky enough to see only one such ball with my own eyes. It was just before the outbreak; I was six years old. I remember dancing the waltz with my father at the time... oh well… 'dancing' might seem to be an exaggeration. He just held me in his arms, and we swayed to the music. Now when I think about it, I understand how childish it was... I told my dad that I loved him and that I'll be dancing with him to the end of my life. He laughed and said that he will dance with me for now, and always when I would want it. But one day I will meet someone… and then I would only want to dance the waltz with this man." Relena chuckled under her breath, recalling a pleasant memory. "I cried like crazy, hearing that. I thought dad was mean because he wanted me to dance with someone else instead of him…"

Relena took a deep breath. Now it's all over, she thought. There will be no more sumptuous balls, no one will dance anymore. She looked up at her silent companion. "Heero, don't you have any joyful memories? Wouldn't you like to tell me about them?"

He blinked as if he was contemplating her demand. Relena took it as a good sign and didn't give in. "Come on. I don't think I'll live long enough to tell anybody. I'd love to know something about you."

Heero looked away. "Why?"

"You've asked me this before," Relena smiled sadly. "I just…" she searched for the right words to say. "I guess life has been harsh for you, inexplicably much more than for me… It's not a sheer curiosity. You've been the closest person to me for the last months, plus you saved me countless times. And yet… I know so little about you."

He made a sigh, then glanced at her. "What do you want to know?"

At first, Relena couldn't believe her fortune. Did she finally succeed? Realizing the opportunity, she almost forgot how to speak.

"What happened to your family? When we were in Baltimore," she began shyly, suddenly losing confidence, "you said it was your foster father who taught you how to survive. Who is he? And do you know your true father?"

Heero dropped his gaze and spoke again after a moment of silence. "Since I remember, it was only my mother and me. She was killed by the infected on the first day of the outbreak. This man whom I call 'father' saved me and took care of me then."

He paused, but Relena didn't think of rushing him or interfering with anything, realizing her worst premonitions about this man's past were accurate. However, when he didn't continue, she decided to speak. "…where is he now?"

Heero shrugged slightly. "He was a smuggler. One day he went for a job, and things went south."

Relena felt compassion fill her heart. For the last hours she talked only about herself, her family, about her adventures as a child... about her home. She had a home that she remembered well. A childhood. She was lucky that her father lived for many years after the outbreak day.

She was never alone, whereas Heero was on his own for the most part of his life. First, as a half-orphan, then an orphan. He had to experience terrible things that Relena just couldn't imagine. He witnessed the death of his close ones. Suddenly, all his nightmares, that he struggled with during his nights made sense.

Relena suddenly wished that she could bring joy to his life that he hadn't experienced as much, as he deserved. It was no longer just a wish to see the smile on his face. She wanted him to be happy, even for a moment enjoy the fact that he was still alive… But she didn't have time to do it.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I wanted to bring up only your good memories. I didn't know…"

"You don't have to be sorry," Heero murmured indifferently, then made a shrug. "I almost don't remember what my life looked like before the outbreak. I don't have so many good memories as you do."

"Heero," Relena gasped. "I didn't mean... I'm sorry, I'm such a chatterbox…"

"Stop being sorry all the time," he suddenly interrupted her, but his voice remained calm. He frowned at her narrowly. "Why are you still apologizing to me for everything?"

"It's because I don't want to hurt you."

Heero looked at her with tired eyes full of surprise and confusion. As if she spoke to him in a foreign language. "I don't get you," he finally stated, lowering his head. "It's you who's dying. I'm staying here. And yet..."

Relea thought about his words for a moment. "I don't blame anyone. Especially you." She sent him a reassuring glance. "I can only blame myself that I didn't use wisely the time I got to spend with you. Now I regret it, Heero... You just can't imagine how much."

They were less than 4 meters away from each other throughout the day. In the morning, Heero seemed distant, as if they were separated by a several meters thick wall. Now, though the distance between them didn't change physically, Relena felt a pleasant warmth in her chest, as if she was cradled in his arms.

"Relena…" Heero reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a vial of vaccine. "It's still not too late..."

But she was determined. She shook her head, refusing to take the rescue. It seemed easier than the day before. All curtains fell from her eyes. She finally knew what she wanted.

"No, Heero. I know my decision is right. This vaccine can give back to you the world that had been taken away from you. A world where you could live in peace. You deserve it. And this is the only thing I can do for you. A ' thank you' for everything that you did for me." Her cerulean eyes met his Prussian-blue orbs. "Promise me you'll reach Houston… Survive this hell."

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TBC

Will Relena live, or will Heero continue living without her…?

You'll find out in the next chapter.