Chapter 29

"Maybe spaghetti wasn't the best idea for supper." Hope huffed and tried to wipe some bolognaise sauce from her face as she looked over to Josie – the girl was howling with laughter, nearly toppling her chair from the motions.

Nik had thought the saucy 'worms' were the best projectiles for his food battle with his cousin. The evening had been spectacularly raucous; well, as much as an evening babysitting a toddler could be. There was screaming and crying, and then there were cries of laughter and squeals of excitement. Games were played, especially Nik's favorite, which was hide and seek. Hope and Josie did not enjoy that one so much, wondering for some time how they were going to explain to the elder witch and werewolf that they had 'misplaced' their son.

There were moments where Hope would watch Josie with her little cousin, making faces at the boy that got more of a grin out of Hope than the toddler, simply because she could die from how cute Josie was. And more than cute, she was sweet and compassionate and absolutely at peace with the little one in her arms. She played with him like a child and scolded him like a loving aunt would, and all of these displays of maternal affection simply gave Hope butterflies of the best kind.

And for just a moment her mind had drifted into a bubble where there was a beautiful homey house with a beautiful green backyard and a beautiful brunette woman running around with two beautiful little children as Hope watched them, chest bursting with love and pride, from the back porch.

And then Hope would catch herself and a chill would run down her spine. Somehow, she did not feel like life would ever afford her such luxuries such as family and peace and happiness. It simply just did not seem to be in the cards she had been dealt. Absolutely nothing in her life up until and including this point had proven otherwise. It just seemed like there would always be another monster to fight, another dark possession to expel, another uprising to quell, another mistake to be made, another love to be lost, another dream to be ruined.

Hope was afraid of happiness because as soon as it seemed as if though she might get a taste of it, it is ripped away most violently. Why should any new opportunity end any differently? Or so she thought, whenever her mind went dark and her fears started to rise up. Fears tended to become most prominent when one was at one's happiest.

And when Hope entered the spare room after her shower, freshly dressed in pajamas and toweling her hair, and she observed bubbly little baby Nik asleep like the gentlest little munchkin in the warmest, comfiest place inside Josie's arms, Hope knew that she had possibly never felt so happy before in her life. Josie rocked Nik gently back and forth as she crooned out a soft song to him, making sure that he was being carried well into dreamland through her arms and her voice. She flashed the most genuinely beautiful smile at Hope as she moved past her and off to the nursery to place Nik down for the night.

When she returned and held out the baby monitor for Hope to take hold off, she paused for a second as she reached for her own towel, also needing a turn in in the shower. "You know… my whole life it has just been me and my dad and Lizzie. We barely get to see mom, but I am grateful for her still being there…" Her smile softened as she approached Hope and lightly fiddled with some of the wet strands of auburn hair hanging down before her shoulder. "You've got something wonderful here…You'll never be alone." Josie lifted her hand to brush her fingers gingerly against Hope's cheek, then turned to head for the bathroom and her own shower.

Maybe Josie was right. Hope had lost herself and her entire universe after first her mother and then her father had died. She had also lost her uncle Elijah. But everyone who remained – Freya, Keelin, Rebekah, Marcel, Kol, Davina… and those were only the closest members of her family. Her family was large and strong, and her family stretched beyond just the Mikaelsons. Her family had roots. She had the Lebonaires and the Kenners as well, and she was sure that should she seek them out and howl out for them to come together…

No. No they wouldn't. How could they? Why would they follow Hope? A tribrid freak? The reason for her mother's death? The reason that the Crescent Alpha had died. If Hope could not even forgive herself for the part she had played in her mother's death, how could any of them? It was a stupid and unrealistic notion.

And just like that; the fear Hope experienced drove her in on herself, made her hide away within the strongest parts of herself, just so that she can somehow feel safe while believing she was weak; somehow feel protected while she felt utterly.

"Hey, why are you a million miles away?" Josie had already returned from her shower, now dressed comfily and towel-drying those long dark locks of hair of hers. She seemed to glow from happiness. Hope wished she could do that for just once in her life.

"How do you do that?" Hope asked with a frown and yet a pleasantly confused smile on her face as she stepped towards Josie and let her hands come to rest gently on the other girl's hips.

"Do what, exactly?" Josie frowned and pouted just a little, making it hard for Hope to focus.

"Just look so content that it feels infectious." Hope sighed in responses.

"I don't know, maybe because I am content right now." Josie uttered softly and brushed past Hope, wriggling out of her arms in order to hang up her towel to dry and grab her hairbrush to untangle her dark mane as Hope watched her.

"Don't you ever… I don't know… Get scared?" Hope shrugged as she sat down on Josie's bed.

"Scared? Of what exactly?" Josie asked in return.

Hope bit her bottom lip for a second, thinking about how to design the words just right before they left her mouth. "Scared of… losing the things that make you feel so content?"

Josie paused and looked over to Hope where she sat, on her hands like a worried little girl no less, and smiled softly. "We're only scared of loss because we value the things we are scared of losing. If there was no fear, there would be no value in anything. Nothing would be special and truly worth living for – fighting and dying for – whether win or lose. I've met some special people in my mother's life that have taught me that it's exactly because we can lose something at any time that we must learn the value of it and appreciate it for its value in every moment of the present. Always."

"I guess that is a pretty wise philosophy." Hope acknowledged as the two girls, comfy, clean and cozy now, moved downstairs and into the kitchen for some hot cocoa. "Is that like the preventative measure for the line 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone'?" She chuckled and set out two cups for them.

Josie took a seat at the counter and eyed Hope conspicuously. "Your thoughts are pretty deep tonight. Want to tell me what's weighing them down?"

Hope snapped a look back at Josie over her shoulder so fast that she thought she might break her neck. "What, no, I'm fine." She shook her head and went back to making their hot beverages.

"Except for the fact that we were exploring your pack's old territory today just to find it reoccupied by a new pack." Josie quirked a brow at Hope, challenging her to argue.

She didn't. Instead she sighed and placed a steaming cup of cocoa on the kitchen counter for each of them and took her seat next to Josie. "I don't have a pack, Josie. The Crescents are disbanded. I have never felt an affinity for the North East Atlantic pack, and I don't fit into the pack at school. I'm your very typical lone wolf."

"But why, Hope? You were born to be an alpha. It's in your blood and it's in your personality. Why won't you step up to the plate?"

"Josie, being part of a pack is a familial bond that is stronger than just being a bunch of idiots that group together. Your pack becomes your entire life – your family, your whole world, whether they're blood or not. And being the alpha of that pack means that all of the responsibility for providing for that pack and keeping that pack safe falls squarely on your shoulders. Maybe someday I'll be capable of all that… but right now… It's just a terrifying thought…"

Josie nodded in understanding and reached one hand out to rest on top of Hope's, eyes carefully seeking out their counterparts. "Okay, but why be the lone wolf? Even if not being the alpha of a pack… why don't you belong to one? I mean, okay, I know you said the Crescents and the North Easts… but what about the Salvatore School pack? Wouldn't you be much happier if you had a group like that to belong to?"

Hope sighed deeply and seemed to think about it for a moment, but soon enough she shook her head. "I'm not the same as them. I know it. They know it. They won't accept me."

"So really you don't feel any different than I do? Weary of being an outcast because we're not part of the 'norm', whatever that really means in this world we live in." Josie scoffs, sort of disappointed in both of them together, due to the mere fact that they would allow others to dictate their feelings of self-worth. She knew it wasn't right.

"You do know you won't be the first wolf-witch hybrid, right?" Hope smirked at Josie and bumped her shoulder lightly. "Nik even is born a hybrid. Wolf-witch hybrids are just very rare because witches tend to think so lowly of wolves." Hope arched a brow at Josie, specifically, but non-verbally, referring to some of the treatment that the wolves have received at the school at the hands of witches.

Josie pinked a little bit at the accusation and shrugged her shoulders. "The witches are the bitches; we all know that." She grinned, especially considering the irony due to the fact that both Josie and Hope were witches as well. "I am, however, the first witch to be turned into a wolf-hybrid somehow without being born with the curse. That's the tricky part, remember?"

"Hope pursed her lips in thought and nodded, then smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess that would be my fault, wouldn't it?" She leaned slightly closer and giggled as she joked, "What can I say, you get my wolf all excited and stuff…"

Josie leaned in the rest of the way, purposefully adding a sultry tone to her voice as she whispered against Hope's cheek, "Well, you get my wolf all sorts of excited as well…" She then placed a soft kiss to the warm skin her lips found there, causing a shiver to run down Hope's spine. Josie then leaned over to the other cheek and lightly nuzzled her nose into Hope's neck, right below her jawline, as she whispered further. "I'm going back to the Bayou tomorrow…"

At the last whispered words, Hope's eyes snapped open and she quickly tugged her head back to look Josie in the eyes. "No, you're not."

"Yes, I am." Josie stated simply and downed the last little bit of the contents in the cup she had been nursing, then stood from her chair at the kitchen counter and moved towards the lounge.

Hope left her cup forgotten as she scrambled after Josie, crossing her arms defiantly as she came to stand before Josie where she had just taken a seat on the couch. "No. You. Are. Not. End of story. That pack made it very clear we were not welcome and we have already discussed how territorial wolves are."

"Yeah…but it's your territory." Josie shrugged and leaned back into the soft pillows of the couch. It's where Hope had been sleeping since they arrived.

"Not anymore…" Hope's flashing eyes looked a little angry and a little harsh in the moment as she eyes Josie carefully. "They will hurt you."

"Nimyra knows something about my coven and about me being changed into a wolf. I need to talk to her, Hope. I'm serious." Josie got comfortable on the couch, not seemingly particularly bothered by Hope's protests.

"Well, over my dead body will you be going alone…" Hope growled out, upset, and flopped down next to Josie, her mind already reeling with images of a bloody battle that could ensue. All she could do was hope that it wouldn't come to that. Maybe they could just meet with the female wolf and leave before the rest joined the fray.

Even as petulant as Hope seemed in that second, Josie still grinned and patted the couch next to her, motioning for Hope to join her. "Now come on, grumpypants. Can we watch Twilight and you can explain to me hoe imprinting works." She joked.

"WE DON'T IMPRINT!" Hope whined loudly, although she realized something – seemingly at the same time as Josie.

"Except when you have a twin flame." The younger girl smirked and wagged her brows, causing Hope to turn a nice bright shade of pink in her cheeks and down her neck. Josie so badly just wanted to kiss it all away again. Or kiss and make it worse.

"Shut up and move over." Hope moaned and crawled up to lie next to Josie on the large couch with it's soft and comfy pillows, pulling a fluffy blanket with her. It didn't take long before Josie had crawled into her arms and were cuddling her tightly as they let the movie play, neither of them paying too much attention to it.

While Josie contemplated the words the young she-wolf in the Bayou had let fly at her and how she needed some answers, Hope tightened her grip around the brunette just a little more tightly, considering the value of her connection to Josie and how hard she was willing to fight for it… and whether she was willing to accept the fact that she may still lose.

Would she cover herself in happiness and follow her heart?

Or would she crack under the fear and follow her mind?