Chapter 24 - The Depth
Relena POV
The morning sun was rising slowly in the sky when Relena silently closed the garage door behind her and headed toward the pile of cardboard boxes in the back. She moved quickly, almost ran, clutching her findings. The garage, constructed of thin metal plates, was warming up slowly because of the late morning heat, and the air inside was already getting thick.
"I'm back-" she announced, but her voice died in her throat at sight before her: Heero was lying on his side on the ground where she'd left him, but his eyes were now closed. He didn't seem to breathe. His right arm was resting limply on the floor, and he didn't move an inch at her words.
Fear overwhelmed her, her heart stopped. "Heero…" Relena called him louder with a trembling, terrified voice. Pleadingly.
Then he suddenly opened his Prussian-blue eyes and stared up at her with a somewhat hazy look from behind his unruly bangs. Relena sighed with relief, her heart continuing to beat again.
"I almost thought you-" she started, but didn't finish the sentence; it didn't matter. She didn't even want to speak these horrifying words out loud, she didn't want to even think that it could actually have happened... Relena briskly walked over to Heero and kneeled on the ground next to his head. "I found a first aid kit. And tongs…"
"One… just grazed my shoulder," Heero whispered with a hoarse voice, interrupting her. "It's not a big deal. The other one has to be somewhere… and I can't move my arm because of it."
Relena blinked, but then understood that he had meant the bullets. Up until that point, she didn't realize that he was actually hit twice.
Her heart trembled with remorse, she felt an inner fear of looking at his wounds, as if they were about to start screaming that they were the proofs of her guilt.
"Everything will be fine..." she said comfortingly out loud, spreading her tools on the floor, wanting so bad to pretend she knew what she was doing and trying to control the trembling of her hands.
"My clothes..." she heard Heero's voice again, as he bent his shoulders back, trying to pull his bloodstained jeans jacket off his shoulders, "…need to take them off."
Realizing that he couldn't do it himself, Relena swiftly helped him remove his jacket and then his shirt. Both pieces of clothing had bloody holes. She just couldn't look quietly at them and quickly threw them away from her sight.
Heero was laying with his back to her, on his left - unwounded side, naked from the waist up. Relena saw him that way for the first time. She glanced at his trained body, on his clearly outlined shoulders and arms; his chest was quickly falling and rising with each breath he took. Heero was slender and seemed only slightly malnourished for a man, which was extraordinary anyway considering how little food he always needed; he usually ate only half of the portion that he'd given to her. This body also bore apparent traces of Heero's hard and dangerous life; he had a lot of scars and healed wounds. Now there were two new, gunshot wounds visible at the level of his right shoulder blade.
One of the wounds, which in Heero's opinion, only "grazed his skin," was awful and unimaginably painful in Relena's opinion. The bullet didn't bite into his body, but rolled over the upper edge of his arm, leaving a long, bloody streak of torn, burned skin, about a centimeter deep. The second wound was a little bit below the first one and didn't end on the other side. Blood trickled from both of them on his skin, and on the floor. Staring at his wounds, Relena felt all the hair on her neck stand up; she couldn't imagine the pain Heero must have felt in that moment when he got shot, and now.
"Now… look carefully," Heero said, breathing heavily, his voice low and hoarse, "you have to find the bullet."
Relena nodded her head, then moved as close to him as possible until her knees leaned against his back. It terrified her that Heero seemed much cooler to the touch than usual. She chased away evil thoughts again and bent over the gunshot wound that didn't have an exit wound on the other side.
It was her first time to deal with such a severe gunshot wound; frowning at it, Relena clenched her teeth, trying to chase away the guilt that dulled her conscience again. This wound looked more inconspicuous than the one at the top of Heero's arm. It was just a small hole in his body. It seemed as if the shot had been fired from a rather small-caliber weapon, from a long distance - which was actually fortunate for Heero. If he was hit from a larger-caliber rifle, the bullet would probably pierce through his lungs - he probably wouldn't have survived. And so, the shot apparently lost most of its strength during the flight and stopped on the bone of Heero's shoulder joint. Relena frowned at Heero's flesh looking for any trace of the bullet, already realizing that this wound was actually much more severe and painful to Heero.
Then, in the light of the sun coming through a small window of their hideout, she suddenly noticed the glow of a small gun bullet stuck tightly and deeply in between the muscles surrounding the edge of his shoulder blade, just around the shoulder joint.
That's why he couldn't move his arm. At least not without an unbelievable pain.
"I see it," she gasped, actually barely believing she did.
"Good. I need you to pull it out."
Relena swallowed hard, her throat suddenly went dry. "Just like that?"
"Relena…" Heero whispered calmly, letting out a breath, "I can't move my arm with it still in. Just pull it out… No matter what."
Relena bit her lip at his words, in which there was not even a shadow of a doubt, then pulled out her thin knife and just found meat tongs, which she decontaminated with alcohol. She cursed quietly, looking at her hands, both trembling with nervousness and clenched her fists a couple of times.
As she leaned over Heero's back again, she hesitated.
"…are you sure?"
Heero curled his unharmed arm, propped his head comfortably on it, and placed his other hand on the ground, clenching his fist and steadying his position.
"Do it," he ordered.
Relena frowned at the wound, feeling her pulse speed up. The bullet was buried deep in the muscle tissue, maybe even inside the bone; she wasn't sure to tell precisely without any x-ray, because she saw only the very tiny fragment of it's top. It seemed almost impossible to pull it out safely. Not having even a single clue about surgery, Relena tried to plan, in her mind, how she should lead the knife to cut as little tissue as possible, how to grab the pliers to pull the bullet at once... she understood how many mistakes she can do from now on, that would only cause Heero more enormous suffering... She just couldn't imagine the amount of pain she was about to inflict to him, even if she would, somehow, do everything right…
"Don't be afraid. I trust you."
She suddenly heard his silent, confident voice. Though it was him to be in a deplorable situation, Heero's voice sounded as if he was comforting and sustaining her. "I know you can do it. Just get into it."
Relena breathed in, clenching her fingers on her knife, feeling her breathing trembling. "All right."
Heero's body froze instantly at her words; he seemed as if he had stopped breathing at all, readying himself for whatever she was about to do. Deep inside her, Relena realized she was grateful that he was lying with his back to her, and she couldn't see his face.
Taking a deep breath, she eventually lifted the knife and then gingerly inserted it between the bullet and the tissue around it. For the first seconds, Heero didn't move a millimeter; Relena could only notice his muscles tremble under his skin and blood pulsing faster in veins in his neck. But when Relena parted the muscles burned by the hot metal, Heero flung his head back abruptly. His eyes were closed, his teeth gritted, but he made no sound. He clenched his fists so hard that the whiteness of his wrist bones pierced his skin.
"Okay, I got it…" Relena whispered absently, more for herself than for him, focusing her attention on the leaden excrescence in his body; everything could have gone wrong from now on. When she slipped the pliers around the bullet, Heero shuddered and let out a hurried groan. Instinctively, her hand froze still. "Heero..."
"Don't stop...!," he muttered.
Relena closed her eyes for a moment, trying hard to compose herself and chase the remorseful thoughts that at this very moment, Heero was suffering because of her. Because of her selfish, childish stubbornness. Which he, for some reason, didn't oppose…
Relena took a deep breath, then clamped her pliers on the bullet. Then her heart stopped of fear as she realized that the surface of the bullet was slippery, and the pliers would not have enough space to tighten effectively. She had to catch differently.
Gritting her teeth, Relena loosened the handle and slipped the pliers millimeters deeper between the muscle tissues, removing her knife first. The movement caused another twitch of Heero's body, a wild moan stuck in his throat. Relena was terrified and speechless with surprise that Heero hadn't been actually screaming in pain since the very begging. An average person surely would.
"Please forgive me," Relena whispered, and she clamped the pliers around the bullet. It felt more secure now, she realized that it was now possible for her to make it. "I got it… I'm pulling it out," she announced, then pulled the pliers towards herself quickly and firmly, pulling a shiny, leaden element out of Heero's body.
"Got it!" she breathed heavily, her heart flooded by the feeling of triumph and relief. "Oh, God…"
Being finally free of the bullet, Heero took an exasperated breath, then panted loudly. A streak of dark, almost black blood began to flow down from the now-empty wound. Relena tossed the pliers aside, then started disinfecting and bandaging the wound.
"I should have listened to you…" she whispered, brushing a cloth over his wounds. Feeling tension leaving her body, she felt tears forming in her eyes again. "If I did, this wouldn't have happened…"
Heero didn't say anything, still breathing heavily, while Relena was suffering fury over herself. She decided to cut any further talking as it probably didn't have any sense; she quietly swallowed her tears and concentrated on his wounds.
All this time, Heero laid still on his side with his eyes closed; after a few long minutes, Relena heard his breathing gradually steadying. As his adrenaline level probably dropped, he had to rest deeply, maybe even fall asleep or lost consciousness.
Having finished patching up his wounds, Relena slipped a makeshift pillow of her folded shirt under Heero's head, then reached and touched his forehead. She realized with astonishment that he wasn't even feverish. Incredible. How a man could endure such pain…
She held her hand on his forehead much longer than was necessary to ascertain his temperature, unable to move away, feeling the cold moisture of drops of his sweat under her fingers. His brow was gently furrowed by narrowed eyebrows, his mouth half-open and his fists released, limp on the floor. Relena lazily ran her fingers over his temple, gently caressing his cheekbones, then lifted her hand and sank her fingers into his thick hair, combing his unruly bangs away from his eye line.
Gazing at him, as he was resting peacefully after escaping death's embrace once more, Relena felt herself calming down as well. She felt great admiration for his strength, courage, and endurance. She also wondered how far towards this utterly unusual man her feelings had gone: from hostility, through distrust, respect, and finally love. She could have realized it almost too late. It was a close call; she would have lost any chance to tell him how much she loved him.
She wanted him to know. She wasn't sure he felt the same way about her, especially after what happened this night. But in this world, where every hour was uncertain, Heero was the only person she could be sure of.
Relena silently stood up and walked out of the garage to look for water. Some new clothes would have been useful, too.
x x x
It was supposed to be just a quick, random smuggle. He was supposed to be back by then. By any means. He was always on time, even when he was late.
Something terrible had to happen.
When he didn't return until the sunset, the others wrote him off. "Next time, watch under your feet, or you'll step onto old Odin's corpse."
Just like that. For them, he was already a corpse.
Just after the sunset, the boy went in search of his Father. Not a corpse.
He made his way through the maze of the ruined city, which had been held in permanent siege for months. The fight with the enemy took place here on every corner, in every street, in every not yet bombed subway tunnel. Every now and then, the sounds of an explosion came from different directions. The Fireflies and survivors communicated with each other with a series from a machine gun; it was also a signal of endless, daily executions, based on martial law and held by the military. Almost every street was flooded with corpses. Besides, the city resounded with infernal moans and screams of the infected, which benefited from the struggle between people, devouring not only the dead but also the living.
After a few long hours, the boy checked all smuggling routes he knew; none of them had collapsed, none of them had been occupied by the infected or by the military. The boy didn't eat or drink anything since morning, but nothing could have stopped him from searching. He intended to look under every stone if it would bring him closer to find his Father.
He found him by sunrise.
"I knew that you'd come here. You're truly a stubborn brat," Odin hissed, then he coughed blood on the floor. He was lying with the lower part of his body crushed by debris. The boy knelt and began to clear the rubble. "It's no use..." Odin pointed at the corpse of the Runner lying a few meters away. "Even if you dig me up, this motherfucker had bitten me. I'll turn in a few hours."
However, the boy, as if he had turned deaf, didn't stop digging up the debris. Pieces of plaster scattered around and echoed off the thick walls; he kept cutting his fingers against sharp brick's edges. Suddenly Odin pushed the boy back with one steady movement of his strong arm.
"I said: stop it. It's no use."
The boy slowly rose from the floor, wiping the dust from his face but didn't look up directly at the man. The expression in his bright blue eyes was entirely obscured by the unruly bangs.
"Don't die," the boy whispered.
"…Heero," Odin choked after a second, his face grimaced by an uncontrolled tremble. The bitten wound on his forearm already widened, the veins around were darkening with thickening blood and enlarging rash. "Nobody survived being bitten by the infected. And you're not a kid anymore. You'll be all right on your own." He made a pause, then took a few breaths to even his shallow breathing. "I just have one last favor to ask you."
Heero looked up at Odin, realizing what he wanted to ask him even without words. The realization darkened his vision.
"No… there has to be the way…" he clenched his fists, hitting the floor with helplessness, wounding the skin on his hands even more.
As if through the fog, he heard his Father's firm voice as he uttered words that would be engraved for the rest of his life in his heart.
"…"
Then Heero slowly rose from his knees and silently drew his gun, aiming at his father's temple. His eyes were absent and torn of any emotion as if he was an empty shell abandoned by life. As if it was him to escape life, not his father. The blue of his eyes obscured the gray, like a curtain, locking up his heart for many years since then.
"Make it quick," Odin sent a boy a weary smile. "Then get away from here. Remember what I told you. See you again, Heero."
A sudden, loud roar of a single gunshot rang over the ruins of the city, raising a herd of crows to the sky.
And then there was silence.
x x x
Heero POV
His eyelids seemed to weigh several tons; it seemed an otherworldly effort to lift them. For an instant, he wasn't sure where he was or what happened; it's been a long time since he had lost consciousness so suddenly. In fact, he couldn't believe that despite being defenseless for so long, he was still alive. He slowly opened his eyes, gazing absentmindedly around, accustoming his eyes to darkness. The world outside was full of dust and plunged in the twilight; it must have been night. The light of the full moon entering the room caused all objects to cast long, blurry shadows on the floor.
Gradually, as if he was slowly submerging in hot water, his consciousness reached all corners of his body, especially the hand and fingers of his wounded right arm. Heero was laying motionless for a few more moments, waiting for the pain to come, but surprisingly, it didn't. Without lifting his head up, Heero drew one, long breath, regretting it immediately; he sucked the air with the dust off the floor where he was laying. His lungs rejected such a load, and he felt them painfully broad under his ribs as he started to cough badly.
His eyes squeezed by the persistent tosses, he felt the panic rising in his chest, as he realized he didn't know where she was. He felt hot, his body distorting in an attempt to get up.
"Heero," he suddenly heard a familiar, sweet voice calling his name, then the touch on his ribs.
Relena…
"Heero, it's okay… Relax."
A warm, delicate hand started caressing his naked side, then slipped up to his arm and neck. Relena had to be sitting somewhere behind him because he couldn't see her, but he could feel her closeness. Heero breathed a sigh of relief, calming his breathing. Then he reached with his left hand and touched his right shoulder blade; the wounds were already neatly bandaged over and under his armpit.
He still felt no pain.
"How long… have I been out?" Heero asked with a hoarse voice.
"Since morning..."
Way too long, Heero thought, looking at the night sky outside the window.
He tried to roll himself on to his back, but Relena's hand stopped him from doing so. "No, don't… You still need rest..."
Despite the pressure of her hand on his back, with only a silent grunt, he raised himself up on his hands and sat down, slumped, finally facing her. Relena was kneeling right next to the place where his head was lying just a moment ago, with both hands outstretched to support him if he lost his balance and a worried face.
"Heero, you lost a lot of blood…"
With another grunt, Heero bent over and kneeled, then slowly stood up. Straightening up, he felt dizzy, he also felt a familiar touch on his shoulders, securing him.
"I'm all right," he muttered but didn't shake her hands off.
Finally, when he stood on both feet, Heero reached over his bare shoulder blade again and slowly moved his right arm, first clenching his fist, then raising his arm at different angles and bending it at the elbow. When he did so, he eventually felt pain but didn't even twitch at the feeling; what he felt was actually entirely incomparable to the pain he suffered when a bullet was still stuck in his back. And most importantly, he could move his arm again without his muscles being blocked by the bullet. As he moved his flesh, faster and nimbler, trying all sorts of exercises he knew to warm up his muscles, the pain in his shoulder gradually faded, though it never disappeared at all.
"I didn't think you could have actually move it. So fast after the shot…" Relena muttered as she was gazing at him.
"I've been worse."
"…I can't imagine worse," Relena sighed in response, more to herself than to him, then took out her bottle of water and gave it to Heero. "You must be thirsty."
Even if he had actually been dying of thirst for a long time, Heero only felt his throat go dry when she handed him the bottle. After drinking a large sip of life-giving liquid, he gave Relena a short 'thank you' and then looked down, noticing that his body and hands weren't covered in blood anymore, while in the corner of the garage laid a pile of red-colored rags and an empty bucket.
Relena had to notice where he was staring, as she smiled lightly, sitting down at the pile of neatly gathered clothes. "I washed us out. Soon we would start to smell, and I found some rainwater behind the house. I also found us new clothes…"
Heero looked up at her suspiciously then came to the little window, peering outside. The garden around them was quiet, he could see no suspicious movement or sound. "Had anyone seen you?"
"I'm sure not," Relena sent him a grin. "If they did, they'd have been here by now. Come here, we should choose something new for you to wear."
Heero gazed over the window again just to make sure, then walked over to her and sat down on the floor, slumped. He noticed that Relena was already wearing different clothes than before; a gray T-shirt and black pants. He realized she had to stain the previous clothes with blood. Heero gazed at her carefully, taking another sip of water from the bottle she offered him. She seemed all right, maybe a little weary; she had very slight shadows under her eyes, her skin was slightly pale. She had to stay awake all the time while he was unconscious.
"Are you all right?" he whispered silently as he put down the bottle and moved closer.
Relena gave him a surprised, almost shocked look in return, then looked away, hiding her gaze behind the curtain of her blond hair.
"How can you worry about me? You almost died."
Heero narrowed his brows at her, but Relena was visibly running away from his gaze anytime their eyes linked. He reached out and gripped her hand, as she was clutching the material of a spare T-shirt. Despite the warm, summer evening, her fingers were icy cold, and they trembled under his touch as if she wanted to withdraw her hand. It deeply disturbed him, he felt that he was missing something. "Aren't you hurt?"
Her beautiful ocean blue eyes got veiled by the wall of something that resembled wrath and tears, then she shook her head.
"I'm all right," she replied slowly, hanging her head, but she didn't let her tears fall. She tried to jerk her hand away, but Heero held it confidently.
"You're exhausted. I will take guard now, go get some rest-"
"Stop this nonsense! You were shot, Heero! You could die!"
Heero almost squeezed his eyes shut; her unexpected, high voice painfully carved through his brain. He was surprised, suddenly left with absolutely no idea what she got so upset about. Before he tried to speak anything more but her name, Relena continued with an exasperated voice.
"We both almost died because of my decision! Your wounds haven't healed well yet, and you only care about my wellbeing... You should be mad at me! You have every right to be!"
"And what good would it bring?" Heero asked, furrowing his brow.
"It's not about that, Heero," Relena continued. "You're not honest by not showing what you really feel. This could have been avoided if I had just listened to you, and you know it... If only I didn't push you to this…"
Heero narrowed his eyes, finally getting the point. Before he fully realized the feeling that overwhelmed him at that moment, he was already articulating it.
"You didn't push me into anything," he said slowly. He held his voice and continued only after he heard Relena's surprised gasp. "To not kill that woman. To enter the city. To take these bullets for you… It was my choice. Whenever your life is at stake, I want to protect you, even if it means my death."
He spoke out those words so naturally as if he had been repeating them regularly in his head since childhood.
With those words, the ship of his soul hit the rocks; its fate was sealed. And his silent promise ceased to be silent.
The look that appeared in Relena's eyes surprised him; as if a veil fell down from her eyes, and as if her worst predictions were confirmed, she was hurting from the inside out. It was a sight full of fear but also disappointment.
"Why did you do this…?" she asked in an uncertain voice. "Why did you protect me? Is it only because of my... condition? Because I am immune?"
Heero didn't expect this kind of reaction from her. He sighed, then wrapped his fingers on her delicate hand, unclenching her fist, while he desperately tried to wall himself up back behind the wall he built around himself for a long time.
"You shouldn't care about it."
He really meant those words. Ever since he realized her wound was healing, he realized that Relena herself was the hope for the entire world. He had a premonition, a feeling that he didn't understand but which he strongly believed: if his life had to have any sense and meaning at all, it could only be to save her, no matter what. He felt he didn't deserve even thinking about having her for himself; who was he to deserve her?
Then Relena's ocean eyes glistened again in the moonlight.
"No," she stated solemnly, releasing her fingers from his grip and soothing the back of his hand. "You're the only person I care about. And everything about you matters to me. Whatever your reason was to do what you did, I just can't imagine… losing you."
Heero hesitantly looked up at her at those words. Their eyes finally met, and suddenly, none of them could look away. Then Relena released his hand, slowly scooting herself closer to him. Without leaving her eyes off him, she rested her hands on his thighs, kneeling between his legs, then slowly and gently nestled up to him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her cheek to his temple, carefully touching his injured shoulder. Sensing the familiar warmth, Heero felt that same chill running through his body, and he let her lay his head gently onto her shoulder. Though her hands were still cold, her chest vibrated with calm, soothing warmth and he felt the delicate scent of her skin.
"I won't let it happen again," she whispered, breathing up a trembled breath that he sensed on the side of his neck, just behind his ear. "Heero… I can't hold it back anymore. I want to stay by your side, no matter… if we ever manage to get to Houston."
Her words were like a lump of ice that fell into his stomach. At the same time, she frightened and excited him. His hands slowly encircled her waist, and he tilted his head up, looking her deep in her eyes.
"Relena… I-" he started, but the second his words stuck in his throat, she interrupted him again, placing her finger over his mouth for just enough moment to silent him. She smoothly moved her hand over to his chin and under his jawline, gazing at him with inexplicable longing in her eyes.
Then she closed her eyes and bent her head to kiss him tenderly, her touch blurring the ominous significance of her previous words. Her fear, her passion, her hopes… everything was sealed within this kiss. He could feel it; it felt so different from the kiss they shared before. Returning the kiss, Heero savored the warmth of her lips and tightened his arms around her, drawing her closer to his chest, tangling his fingers in her golden strands. He felt her hands as she raked them through his hair at the back of his head and the back of his neck. Absorbing her warmth, relishing it, Heero felt her body suddenly tensing under his touch.
The ship was sinking, and there was no turning back; although it was still afloat, turbulent waves flooded the interior through the shattered side, devouring her, drawing her deeper and deeper into the depths. Relena was like water, slipping inside mercilessly, gradually reaching every recess of Heero's soul.
Breaking the kiss, Relena drew back, resting her hands on both sides of his neck and then slid them up, gently cupping his face. He looked up at her, gazing at her features as they softened in the pale moonlight.
"Relena…" he breathed, raising both hands and soothing her hair on both sides of her face. She leaned into his touch, her eyes half-closed.
They were now only one hot breath away from each other.
"Heero," she breathed his name, opening her eyes again and fixing her gaze solely at him. "I want you, Heero." She was looking up at him with the eyes of a person standing on the edge of a deadly threat, whose life depended entirely on his decision - whether he would reach out to her and pull her over the edge, or let him fall into the abyss. He saw uncertainty as if she was allowing the possibility that he would push her away. "I…"
His own heartbeat almost knocked him out; he realized what she wanted to say. Strange anxiety ripped his chest apart, as he realized that he had to face the words, that Relena would probably say aloud in a second.
All this time, he was convincing himself that listening to her voice… looking at her… touching her… even kissing her… would be enough. That he won't allow himself anything more. But right then, in that very moment, Heero didn't find the strength to even wait and let her finish her words.
It all wasn't enough anymore.
Cradling the back of her neck with both his hands, he pulled her to him until their lips joined again. Relena's voice died down, she let out a silent but surprised whine as he pushed his tongue inside her mouth. Heero nestled her to him, kissing her more profoundly and more insistently, and he could feel her arms sliding around his back again. He savored her, feeling the tide of excitement plunge over his chest.
Without breaking the kiss, he felt as Relena tightened her hold around his neck and, with the assistance of his confident grip, in two smooth moves, hiked her legs up over his so that she was now straddling his lap. Then she immediately leaned into him, returning a kiss even as much eagerly, clinging to him desperately. Heero's hands slowly drifted from her knees, through her thighs and up to her sides. Hooking the hem of her shirt, he flickeringly ran a hand over the silky skin of her hips, his touch instantly causing her goosebumps; he found it intriguing. He suddenly remembered the memory of her bare skin at the river and how she reacted to his every touch, as it tensed sensually under his fingers. Feeling her through her clothes, as she shuddered at every contact, wasn't satisfying for him anymore.
In a swift move, he grabbed the hem of her shirt and took it off. That caused them to break the kiss, and he took the opportunity to look at her. With disheveled golden hair, her slender body sprawled on the top of his lap, slightly panting from his kisses, she was the most beautiful view he could imagine.
He felt her hands pressing against his chest, and he allowed her to gently lower him back down on the floor. With his hand still wrapped behind her upper back, Heero pulled her with him until she braced on his chest, her face inches over him, his golden locks encircling her face. He brushed his open hands over her chest to her gorgeous naked breasts, cupping them gently in his palms. Relena flung her head back at the feeling, exposing her neck, and Heero took the opportunity to pull her closer and press fierce kisses on the base of her neck. She shuddered at the touch of his lips on her sensitive skin, letting out a surprised moan, her body arching downward, pleasantly pressing against his flesh.
Encircling his arms around her again, Heero bluffly rolled them over so that he was now above her and deftly, hurriedly, started undoing and taking off her shoes, then pants. With each item of clothing off her body, he paradoxically felt more impatience and excitement to finally see her whole within his reach, his possessive sight devouring every inch of her exposed skin. Having thrown aside the last piece of garment, Heero hovered over her again, wanting to take a moment to cherish the view. She was beautiful, gorgeous, her eyes darkening in navy blue as she looked back at him; he let his eyes wandering over her slender, naked body, now trapped between his arms.
Then Relena reached out to him, and Heero bent down to kiss her again, brushing a strand of unruly hair off her face. It wasn't chilly in the room, yet he noticed that Relena started to shiver. He broke the kiss and let his hands and mouth trail the smooth line of her neck, stopping for a mere second at her bitten wound, then down on her collarbone, breasts, rib cage, hips, and belly, then lover, to her lap. She was slender and petite, so delicate. As he was going down, Relena suddenly crossed her arm over her chest in a futile attempt to cover herself at least a bit from his possessive sight; she had her eyes closed and looked away. Heero noticed that and grabbed one of Relena's wrists.
"No," he said with a hoarse voice, prying her hand away from her body. Relena gazed back at him, but meeting his confident look, she didn't say anything.
Heero gripped Relena's other wrist and pulled both her arms up, pinning them to the floor on both sides of her face, then licked his way down from her neck to her breasts. As his tongue touched her silk, hot skin, he felt her hips and legs wriggle slightly under him. The exasperating sound she made when he sucked her in could make him come undone even now - but it was a plea for more. So Heero continued, giving her skin a soft bite and nestling himself between Relena's bent legs, over her naked lap. Her instinct and her body seemed to know better of her as she arched her back up, her lower belly and thighs grazing against his pelvis.
…he wanted her so much.
Dipping his fingers between her legs, Heero gasped almost inaudible curse, realizing how ready she was for him. A want in his guts reached his zenith, and he couldn't wait any longer; it's been a while since he was intimate with a woman. Without bothering to take off his pants, he swiftly undid his fly, and positioning himself at her entrance, he eased himself into her.
However, the second their bodies united, Relena let out a pained gasp and stiffened, pressing her fingers deep into the skin of his forearms. Her inside was so tight around him, and her legs helplessly approached each other, clenching at his sides, while she whined his name silently.
He realized. He was her first.
He froze and looked down at her, searching for any sign of resistance, but Relena just hid her face in the crook of his neck, still holding him tightly. Shaking off in the blink of an eye the unreal and almost mystical impression that this realization had made on him, Heero snaked his one arm around Relena's leg and lowered over her again, capturing her lips in a fierce, passionate kiss, a second before he drew himself deep inside her.
Relena let out a moan that got muffled by his kiss. Heero felt her body tensing, her fingers clenched into a fist on his chest. He refrained himself from even the slightest further movement and kissed her with all the tenderness he had, patiently waiting for her pain to pass.
"Relena… Let it go…," Heero whispered, his voice rumbling in his throat when he broke the kiss and brought his lips close to her ear, his other hand softly caressing her neck and chest. He pressed the side of his face to hers, and soon he could feel her tears on his cheek. Relena breathed loudly, then wrapped her arms around his neck.
"…I love you, Heero."
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Mommy, where's Daddy?
He had to leave.
Why he's not here? He doesn't love us?
That's not true. Daddy loves you very much, but he can't be here with us.
If so, would he ever come back?
…I don't know, Heero.
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What happened, Heero? You can't sleep?
I'm staying awake all night.
You will be very sleepy tomorrow…
So what. I have a mission to accomplish. I have to guard.
A mission? What do you have to guard?
You can go to sleep if you want. I'll stay awake and make sure that none of these crazy people come here and hurt you.
'Crazy people'? Who are you talking about?
Those we saw on television. I will protect you, Mommy. No need for you to worry.
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No… there has to be the way…
From when we first met, when you lost your mother, you were like a son to me. I protected you. I hoped that you would survive as long as possible. That maybe you will survive this hell. That maybe in this damn world, you will find some happiness. That was my way of living my life. You have to live your life now. Act on your emotions, Heero. Just like I did.
… *the sound of the cocking gun*
Make it quick. Then get away from here. Remember what I told you. See you again, Heero.
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I love you, Heero.
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Love… it's such a thing that simply doesn't exist.
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He had nobody.
His biological father. His mother. Odin. All of these people left too soon; too soon for him to say consciously if he ever loved any one of them. And he was brought to a world where everything was killing him, where he was prepared to die every single day, and where there was surely no place for such a thing as love.
At least that was what he kept telling himself. This was making things easier. It summed life as a handful of cells and meat, subsided it to the law of the jungle, to every day's feeling of hunger and thirst. Living for the sake of living, from the smuggle to smuggle, nothing more. Meaningless life, after losing which no one, including him, will cry.
Yet, Relena's words stoked back a burning flame deep inside Heero's body, which he supposed was long gone. He had never felt like this before.
He pulled back, frowning intently on her. She was so pure. Good. Full of light. She was offering herself, her body, and innocence to him, though he got absolutely nothing to give her in return… except for his miserable life. And she, even when she was lying on a floor, surrounded by dirt and the darkness of night was shining like a precious, royal jewel.
And she loved him.
Now he could feel her body loosen up, she widened her legs for him, her breathing evened, and her tears turned into a smile, while his body burned with an inner fire that was almost eating him alive, craving for the pleasure of her warmth.
"Heero…" Relena whispered, then raised her hands and ran them along the sides of his face, her fingers gently brushing his unruly bangs away. Their eyes linked again, and Heero caught one of her hands in his, pressing kisses on her tiny finger pads before letting his lips descend on hers.
As he moved in her, claiming her body as his, he felt her clung to him as if he was the last living man. Relena wrapped her legs around his hips, pressing him even closer, her arms around his back, her hips rocked up harder and faster against him, her breaths dense and hot against his skin. As if she wished her whole body melt together with his.
Making love to her, he felt his soul finally soothing. As if she was saving him, making him want to live with every touch, for her every touch. He knew- he felt - that she belonged to him.
In fact… her love was everything he had.
TBC
Wow, this chapter was looong, but I hope with it, I made you up for the long wait for the update. This chapter required a lot of effort from me. All this time I had a lot of work to do and I hardly had any free time for myself. Plus, I had to read the story several times, trying to catch all the stupidest language errors, which are not lacking since English is not my native language. But in the end, my heart was soothing as well, as those two are finally together…
I hope you liked the chapter. Thank you in advance for all your support, I cherish them and every feedback helps me become a better writer… I at least hope so.
Take care and see you in the next chapter.