FIVE YEARS
Chapter 18
She lets out a quiet sob. He looks over and can see her eyes glistening with tears.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"It sounds and looks perfect. We look so happy. I look …. properly beautiful and you…. well, let's just say you don't look too shabby at all…. But I don't remember it… it's like I'm looking at pictures of someone else's life. I mean there are people in these photos that I don't even recognise…. Like our best man for example."
She spots a flicker of something resembling sadness cross his face, before he quickly gets his emotions in check.
"It doesn't matter, you might not remember our wedding but you are gradually remembering things about the past … but yes, we were happy. And although you always said you didn't do perfect, our wedding day was proof that you do. It was perfect. We had our family and friends with us and it was a wonderful day filled with love and laughter. Give it time, I'm sure you will remember…. something will trigger the memory."
She feels awful for not remembering something so significant as their wedding day, and knows that it must be upsetting for him too, despite his attempts to put on a brave face.
"I hope so, I so want to remember. I feel bad that I don't…."
He reaches up and gently wipes her tears away with his thumbs, and looks her squarely in the eye.
"Listen to me."
He kisses her cheek.
"Don't."
He kisses the other cheek."
"Feel."
He kisses her lips.
"Bad."
She pulls back slightly and gives him a weak smile.
"Thank you. I…. think I might be a little bit in love with you, you know."
He laughs, but inside his heart swells with joy at her declaration.
"I'm very glad to hear it Dawesy, because I am…. and have been for the last five years, more than a little bit in love with you too."
He gives her a quick kiss, stands up and pulls her to her feet.
"But right now, although I would like nothing more than to sit on the sofa snogging you for the rest of the afternoon, I really think you need to go upstairs and have that nap before our dinner date … "
She snakes her arms around his waist, looking up at him coyly.
"Maybe you could come with me?"
He unhooks her arms, giving her another kiss.
"That is a very tempting offer, but I think that might defeat the object of you resting. I know that I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you."
She smirks at him and gives him a quick kiss in return.
"Spoil sport."
-OG-
She's just finished getting ready and is standing in front of the mirror examining her body, looking for signs of pregnancy, when she hears a gentle knock on the door.
"Hello Molly – are you decent? I've brought you a cuppa?"
"Yes. Come-in, Liz."
Liz enters the room and puts down the mug on the bedside table. She sits on the edge of the bed.
"Oh Molly dear, you look just gorgeous. Is that a new dress? I don't think I've seen it before?"
She does a quick twirl in front of the mirror.
"Erm, I'm not sure… I picked it from my wardrobe… to be honest they were all 'new' to me! I certainly never had so many fancy frocks before I met Charles!"
"Well, I'd consider it one of the perks of being a Major's wife, to make up for all those frightfully dull regimental dinners…. although maybe they're less boring when you're actually in the Army."
She gives Liz a rueful smile.
"I dunno, I don't remember any of those, but I always thought they sounded a bit shit when I was a private. I can't really see how I'd fit in; I mean I'm not really the profile of a typical officer's wife, especially not a Major's wife."
"I wouldn't do yourself down Molly, from what I've heard from Charlie you've always coped more than admirably in those situations. Melissa Beck, who is an absolute darling by the way, took you under her wing early on and showed you the ropes."
"Melissa Beck as in Major Beck?"
"Yes, although he is Colonel Beck now of course."
"And I'm friends with his wife?"
"Yes dear. Of course, it's not just been about who you know. The fact that you're a highly decorated soldier in your own right, has earnt you the respect of your senior officers."
She laughs, slightly embarrassed at the compliments being paid to her.
"I'll have to take your word for that as I still find that incredible."
Liz pats the bed next to her, indicating for her to sit down.
"Now tell me, how are you feeling, really?"
She sits down, grabs the mug, takes a sip of tea and smiles at Liz in thanks.
"I'm fine. I've had a few headaches and I get tired, but apart from a rubbish memory, I think I'm ok."
"That's good to hear… we were so worried when we heard about the accident. Not sure Charlie could have coped if he'd lost you too."
She can tell instantly from the look on Liz's face, that she regrets her admission. She puts the mug down and focuses all her attention on his mother.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh…. Nothing… Ignore me."
She senses Liz's discomfort, but instinctively knows that this is something important.
"What do you mean lost me too?"
"Please, let's just forget it. I shouldn't have said anything."
She has a deep sense of foreboding, but pushes on.
"Liz, who did Charles lose?"
"Oh no… me and my big mouth."
Without knowing how, she realises she knows the answer to her question, but needs Liz to confirm her suspicion.
"Who, Liz?"
"Elvis."
"As in our best man Elvis?"
She instantly comprehends the reason for the look of the sadness on his face earlier when they were talking about their wedding and the people she didn't even recognise. She can see the same sadness on Liz's face now.
"Oh dear me… I've rather made a hash of this."
"What happened to Elvis?"
"He died…. in Afghanistan… it must have been 2 years ago now. Charlie watched him get blown up by an IED."
She considers this information for a few moments, thinking back to what he's told her about Elvis and realises it's not much, just fleeting references.
"He has mentioned Elvis a couple of times, but hasn't told me any of this."
Liz looks desperate to make amends for her mistake.
"Well, maybe because of your memory loss, he knew you wouldn't remember him, maybe he wanted to spare you. Maybe he wanted to spare himself the painful memories. They'd been best friends since Sandhurst, thick as thieves for years. It hit Charlie very hard."
She can tell straight away that Liz has once again revealed more than she meant.
"Hit him hard?…. What does that mean? In what way?"
"Oh no, I've done it again….. I don't really know all the details, but I know he felt guilt about Elvis' death, responsible in some way. He tried to soldier on, excuse the pun, but …. well you saw the signs …. PTSD …. persuaded him to speak to someone; he had counselling."
She is incredulous at this further news.
"Charles had PTSD? I had no idea. I would never have imagined that; he has always seemed so ..… in control…. together."
"His great strength became the problem….. but he got through it, with your support. You got through it together."
She shakes and lowers her head, trying to absorb everything she's just heard, trying to remember.
"I don't remember…"
Liz puts her arm around her and gives her a reassuring hug.
"He will tell you all about it when he's ready, I'm sure of that… besides, you and Charlie are godparents to Elvis' son."
She stares at Liz questioningly.
"He had a child?"
"Yes, well actually he had two children. I'm afraid it's all rather complicated, but although Georgie, his fiancé, didn't know it at the time, she was pregnant when he died. Their son, Alfie, was born 9 months later. Elvis also had a daughter, Laura, from a previous relationship."
"That's so sad. Those poor kids. Poor Georgie."
"You've been a wonderful friend to her through it all. I'm sorry Molly. I should never have said anything."
"It's ok, there are a lot of things I don't remember. I need to know the good and the bad, I need to piece everything together."
"Please don't let Charlie know I've told you."
"I'm not sure I'll be able to do that."
"I understand, you're completely right. It's wrong of me to ask you to keep it from him… I just don't want it to put a dampener on your night out."
She smiles weakly.
"That's fair, I suppose. He told me it was somewhere special to us."
"It is a very special place. I think he's hoping that maybe it might trigger some more happy memories for you."
She sighs, slightly anxious about the expectation being placed on the evening.
"Maybe, but what if it doesn't?"
Liz smiles kindly at her.
"Well. Charlie told me how amazingly well you're coping with everything…."
She shakes her head.
"I don't know about that…. I'm a bit up and down… emotionally…. Actually, I think we both are."
"Understandably so…. in the circumstances…. if you ever want to… or need to talk… I'm here for you. I mean, I know you have your mum too…. but we've always been close and I know that at the moment I'm practically a stranger, but I hope we can get back to how we were in time."
She smiles gratefully.
"Thank you. I'd like that."
Liz returns her smile, and she recognises so much of Charles in the way Liz looks at her.
"I'm glad to hear it. PJ and I love you very much…. I hope it's not too much for me to say, but we've always viewed you like the daughter we never had. We will also be ever grateful to you….. you saved Charlies' life in Afghanistan …. and being with you has made him happy, which has made us happy too."
"I feel very happy and comfortable here… with you…. I did as soon as we arrived earlier."
"Well, that's more than enough for me, thank you for telling me that... right, when you're ready come down. PJ will be home any minute."
-OG-