He was standing in front of her, in his all day clothes and yet her heart was racing. She screamed at him, she had pointed a gun on him, God what if her hand had slipped while shooting the glass behind him?! She could have never forgot herself and she couldn't imagine a world without him. He was just trying to help her.
"I don't need protection Cal" she whispered, looking at him.
His eyes were mirroring hers, he knew she didn't need protection, she was the strongest woman he had ever met, she was a force of nature, but still he had always felt like he needed to protect her. He would have never forgiven himself if something bad happened to her. He was in love with her, it took him time to understand it, he tried so hard to push away this feeling but he wasn't a good liar. Holt understood it immediately but he denied it.
"What do you need?" he asked, getting closer, taking her hands.
Him. She needed him. She wanted him to want her the way she wanted him and after their road trip on the train she was pretty sure he did. His hands were soft, holding hers so lovingly while his face was getting closer. His nose touched hers softly and her heart melt, he wouldn't kiss her, he was waiting for her to say something or to do something. He was a gentleman and she knew it.
"Love" she whispered inches from his lips.
That's what she wanted, that's what she needed. But she wasn't talking in general, she was talking about him. He was the only man she loved, the only man she allowed to see her most hidden side. The man that understood the way she felt because he had been through it too.
"I love you Cal" she whispered again, trying so hard to hold a sob, but a single tear wetted her face.
His eyes were closed and he felt his heart speed up. He wanted something serious with her and he was so glad that she felt the same. God he loved her so much.
"I love you too" he whispered opening his eyes and seeing her face.
He saw a tear running down her face and the opposite cheek already wet. Her watery eyes were looking up at him so softly that he felt his heart break and melt at the same time.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly stroking her cheek, wiping away the tears.
She looked at him swallowing hard, her words stuck in her throat. Was she ready for all this? To let him know her completely? To manifest all this love that she felt for him. What if something went wrong? What if...
"Emily please talk to me" he intertwined their fingers, not wanting her to run away from this.
She took a sharp breath, letting another tear run down her cheek. She had to let go, she had to open up to him to let him know how much he meant for her, even if she was afraid of the future.
"I'm scared" she whispered, trying to hold back a sob.
That's what she was, scared.
"Of what?" he asked, he had an idea about the reason but he wanted her to trust him enough to open up. Because he would have always been there for her, ready to listen.
"Of love" she admitted, closing her eyes. How could someone fear the thing they needed the most?
He understood her, he totally did. He hugged her tight, making her lay her head on the crook of his neck and he felt her tears wetting his skin. She hold onto him like he was her rock, he had always been. He was the person that prevented her from drowning when she panicked in Moldova. He was there for her when she found out that Flynn might have been tested too. She wanted to cry on his shoulder when Kai died but somehow she didn't find the strength to let herself go. But then she did.
She understood him and she was glad that he trusted her so deeply to tell her about his past. She understood. That's why she let herself go, for once, crossing that line between them and showing him that she saw him like more than a simple work partner. His name left her mouth multiple times that night, she would have told him everything.
Everything except those three words that she kept for herself. She just found the courage to whisper them once she got up the following morning, when he was still asleep, to prevent him for hearing them. But now he wasn't asleep anymore.
"I love you Cal, so much. And it's consuming me. When I saw that message on your phone my heart shattered, I couldn't breathe. I had to act like nothing happened because I had to save Nick and I had to be concentrated. But the truth is that I was broken, I don't want to feel like this ever again. I haven't loved someone in a really long time apparently and I'm just scared. I'm scared that one day you will realize that I'm still affected by what happened to me, that you'll get tired of my PTSD attacks and you'll leave me" she admitted between sobs, tears running down her cheeks as she fisted his shirt.
He kissed the crown of her head, hugging her tighter. Emily breathed him in, enjoying his embrace, something she had wanted to do so many times. She felt so safe and loved in his arms, like she was on the train. With her body wrapped in his arms or his body crashing her against the train's wall.
"I feel the same. I love you Emily, for who you are. I love all your flaws and all your qualities. You're the strongest woman I know and I'll always be there for you. I will never be leave you for the way your PTSD affects you because I've been through it. I know what it feels like to think that everyone will leave you because you can't even recognize yourself. If you need time to think about it I'm totally fine with it, I'll wait for you because I love you so much" he breathed softly into her hair, he wanted her to be the only one to hear those words, even if he knew the house was empty.
She breathed deeply, bringing some air into her lungs to be able to talk. Her heart was melting, what did she do to deserve this sweet man in her life? Because yes, she definitely wanted him in her life more than everything. She looked up at him, looking into his green eyes.
"I don't need time, I need love. I need to feel alive. I need you" she wrapped an arm around his neck, bringing his face closer to her.
Emily's fingers were softly stroking the hair at the base of his skull, while her heart was speeding up. Their lips were close and the tips of their noses were touching. His arms found their way around her waist, hugging her under her dressing gown.
She closed the distance between them, softly kissing his lips. They moved in synch, sharing a tender kiss full of promises and love. She had missed his taste, missed the way his lips felt on hers, missed the way he kissed her. She hooked her other arm around his neck too and she attached her body to his as she felt the tip of his tongue touch her bottom lip. Their tongues started to dance together in a new way. A soft and sensual dance, far different from the one they did on the train. That one was hungry and fierce, with their lips leaving each other more than once just to enjoy the moment.
This was soft and full of emotions and it was making her legs weak. She lost balance and she headed backwards to lay her back against the shelves to gain stability. Cal tilted his head to kiss her deeper, not even once changing their rhythm. She hooked a leg around his torso to feel his whole body against hers and she moaned softly.
"Do you need to leave?" she panted between kisses, softly stroking his beard that was now way shorter.
"Absolutely not" he took the opportunity to attach his mouth to her neck, leaving open mouth kisses on it.
She moaned softly as his lips found her pulse point, circling his tongue there and sending shivers all over her body. Suddenly the dressing gown was too heavy or the room suddenly got hotter. She involuntary rubbed her lower body against him, provoking a groan to leave his throat.
"Please" she panted, arching her back, looking for his body again.
"Are you sure?" he asked, his eyes searching hers.
"I need you Cal" she repeated again, that's what she wanted.
They exchanged a soft smile before her hands found her dressing gown, unbuttoning it and letting it pool on the ground. He looked at her, holding her hand again.
"Does it hurt?" he asked, softly holding her injured hand, he didn't want to hurt her in any way.
"It's ok, don't worry" she said softly.
He took her hand and left a soft kiss on her hand, looking at her in the eyes. She started to walk backwards toward the single bed against the wall, her eyes never leaving him. They both kicked off their shoes as she grabbed his shirt's collar, bringing himself on top of her on the bed. He moved his hands under her shirt, removing it before starting kissing her neck. Her hands found his belt, trying to untuck it but he stopped her.
"Easy, you're impatient. I wanna take time to learn every single spot of your body this time. I didn't got the chance to do it last time" he said, tracing a line from her collarbone to her navel.
She closed her eyes and her back arched under his touch, she bit her lip to stop a moan from escaping her lips.
"I see you like it when I do that" he pointed out, doing it again and getting the same reaction.
"I just like your hands on me" she admitted.
It was true, she loved how his strong and big hands travelled up and down her back during their first time, io how he cupped her ass to support her from falling while he was fucking her against the wall.
"You do uh?" he put both hands on her hipbones, slowly raising them up her body and she arched again onto his touch. He stopped at her breasts, flicking both her nipples with his thumb, making her whimper, before descending her body again.
He made himself more comfortable between her legs, reaching for her lips and rubbing his body against hers where she needed him the most. A deep moan tried to escape her lips but it was stopped by his tongue, entering her mouth and kissing her softly. She raised her hips, searching for him and rubbing herself against his pants. She could feel how hard he was and it was driving her crazy.
His lips found her neck, nipping at her pulse point, but not too hard, he didn't want to give her a hickey, at least not where someone could see it, she had a kid after all. His mouth headed south, kissing between her breasts, slowly heading toward her nipple.
"Do you like my mouth too?" he asked, letting his breath contact the already hardened bud.
She let out a moan, her hands finding his hair to make him lower his head just a bit. He licked her nipple, softly circling it with his tongue and sucking it. He palmed her other breast as she arched her lower body to search for some friction.
He payed the same attention to her other breast before heading south again, circling her navel and leaving a kiss under it. He removed her pants, kissing her inner thigh.
"Cal God please" she panted, he was driving her crazy and he could tell.
He removed her panties too, gazing at her wet opening. He didn't have the opportunity to taste her last time but now he couldn't wait.
She let out a deep moan as his lips found her clit, slowly circling it with his tongue, setting a rhythm, while his fingers parted her already wet folds. He moved his tongue to her opening, teasing her by using the tip of it to enter her, making her body jump a bit. He put his hand on her lower abdomen to keep her from moving, continuing his torture and adding the circles of his thumb on her most sensitive part.
"Yes, right there" she whimpered.
Her taste was intoxicating him as she got higher and higher with every swipe of his tongue. He was enjoying this as much as she was. Her hand found his hair when he slid two thick fingers inside her, feeling her walls tighten around them. He continued his slow and steady torture, angling his fingers to hit that spot that made her scream. She run a hand through his hair, softly first, but fisting it when she reached her ecstasy, panting heavily.
He pulled out his fingers, licking them clean as he looked at her, she still had her eyes closed. He left one last soft kiss on her most sensitive part before laying next to her, his hand still on her abdomen. She intertwined their fingers to keep him there as her breath slowed down. He wouldn't have moved his hand anyway.
She gave him a soft smile, opening her eyes and finding his. Cal left a soft kiss on her lips, locking them together and she swiped the tip of her tongue on his bottom lip only to not deepen the kiss once he opened his mouth.
"Tease" he said looking down at her before shoving his tongue into her mouth, kissing her deeply and making her moan.
She took advantage of the situation, rolling them and landing on top of him.
"I think you're overdressed" she unbuttoned his shirt, leaving a path of kisses on his skin as she popped open every button.
Once his shirt was off she untucked his belt, letting his pants swipe down his legs, leaving him in only his boxers. She straddled him again, her eyes roaming his body and massaging his muscles with her hands. She could feel him hard underneath her and now it was her turn with him. She let her tongue wet her lips, locking her eyes with him and biting her bottom lip. She felt his cock twitch underneath her and she raised an eyebrow, giving him a teasingly smile.
She started by kissing his neck and heading south, leaving a path of wet kisses on his body. She settled herself between his legs and she palmed her erection through his boxers. She quickly swiped them down his legs and he raised himself on his elbows. She firmly took him in her hands, stroking him slowly. She suddenly took a long and slow lick from the base of his cock to its tip, making him groan. She looked deeply into his eyes as her tongue started to slowly circle on it, teasing his sensitive skin with her lips.
He had to stop his hips from jerking as her mouth wrapped around his cock, slowly swallowing him almost completely while keeping eye contact.
"Fuck" he groaned, running a hand through her hair as he felt his tip hit the back of her throat and she saw her eyes quickly blink.
She moaned, sending vibrations all over his sensitive skin before starting sucking and moving her head. She set up a rhythm, trying to take him as deep as she could with every move. Her hand found the base of his cock and she slowly stroked it, matching her movements. Her hair fell on her face and he gathered it up in a loose ponytail, keeping his hand on her head. She could tell by his eyes that he was enjoying this.
"Emily you have to stop" he panted, looking at her.
She swallowed him one last time before slowly releasing his cock with a pop, leaving one last kiss on his tip. He grabbed her face softly, but kissing her passionately, she loved the way he could touch her so softly but making her feel so alive. Cal made her lay on her back again, not once leaving her lips.
"Cal" she breathed out his name between kisses.
"Condom?" he asked, he felt like asking and not taking anything for granted.
"Pill, please Cal I need you" she panted and he nodded.
He swiped the tip of his cock on her clit, giving her some friction, making her moan and coating his member with her juices. He entered her slowly, giving her time to adjust and torturing her a bit more. A long moan escaped her throat, finally that feeling was back. The feeling of having him inside of her, filling her just right and becoming one thing. His lips captured hers again, swiping the tip of his tongue on them when her hands found his ass, helping him to thrust deeper until he was fully buried into her body and another moan escaped her throat.
He started to move and she parted her legs even more just to hook them around his body. He set a steady rhythm, slow but powerful, his hips pounding into her even deeper with each thrust.
Her hands found his back, hugging him tightly and letting his chest contact her naked one. She let out a moan between kisses and she tried to open her eyes, only to find him looking back at her. They broke the kiss to catch some air but their lips were still touching, their hot breath warming up each other's mouth.
The single bed was small but they had no idea to even use all of it. They were wrapped in a tight hug, trying to be as skin to skin as they could. Her legs were opened as widely as she could but they were still wrapped around his body while her short nails were scratching his back. One of his arm was wrapped around her back, holding her tight, while the other one was levering on the wall to prevent her head to hit it as he pushed into her. Their mouths were locked together again, their tongues dancing slowly. They let their lips part only when air became necessary or a moan was set free when he hit that spot deep inside her that made her go crazy.
He felt her breath becoming frenetic and he knew she was close. Her hands found his ass, shoving him fast and deep inside her as her walls started to shake and she let out a feral cry, arching her body and throwing her had back.
"I love you" she she managed to say as her orgasm hit her.
"I love you too" he panted, kissing her neck as he felt her milk his whole length, making him spur his release deep inside her.
He collapsed on her, laying his head on her shoulder, listening to her fast heartbeat. Her shaking hands found his hair, running softly through it and leaving a kiss on the crown of his head. They both smiled as their hearts and breaths slowed down. He rolled them over, letting her cuddle on his chest, wrapping his arms around her as she left a kiss on his neck. They didn't really had the opportunity to cuddle naked on the train, they got dressed almost immediately in case they had to leave during the night. They enjoyed cuddling once they got dressed, but that was different.
He didn't take her for a cuddling kind of person but it turned out she was, at least with him, and he loved it.
They laid there for a while, neither of them able to break the embrace. His hand had found her hair and he was softly playing with it, making her moan quietly from time to time.
"So, that means we are together right?" he asked, circling the tips of his fingers on her still naked back.
She raised her head, looking at him.
"I think it's official" she smiled and he gave her a soft peck on the lips.
"We're gonna make this work right? Whatever happens" she asked.
She didn't know what would have happened but she was sure that she wanted him with her.
"You can count on it" he gave her a soft smile.
He couldn't believe that after all that time waiting for each other they finally made it. He didn't knew what would have happened neither but he was sure of something, she was worth it, they would have figured everything out and most importantly, he was so deeply in love with her.