Home-sick, a naruto fanfic

Lyrics: Hallowed Land by Paradise Lost

You'd love to be so far away

It's not a long way to go—it's gonna end in your pain

"What was your first kiss like, Dad?"

Naruto's fingers casually let go of the chopsticks he had been fishing his ramen with, and Sasuke followed them as they sank into the porcelain bowl of soup with a very faint clatter. "Where did that come from?"

The boy shrugged. "I'm just curious" he said casually; too casually for someone carrying so many stares on his person which he wasn't even suspicious of. Sasuke's eyes watched his daughter now fidget on her seat with great interest, her black eyes glued on the Hokage. "The first kiss is supposed to be very special and cool, isn't it?"

"Not really"

Naruto's firm tone shocked Boruto, who now let his arms loose and squinted at him with surprise. "Are you sure?" he tried again, scanning Naruto's face for any signs of wavering he was sure there should be. "But it's—"

"Life is full of surprises" his father smiled, sounding more enigmatic than he probably intended to. Sasuke observed Naruto leaning his back on the chair, pillowing his head with one arm in casualty that surely couldn't be feigned. "You never know who you are going to end up with" Unaware of Sasuke's stare pinned on him, Naruto picked up his chopsticks and stirred his warm soup, its delicious fragrances emerging to tease his appetite. "It is those kisses that are special and cool—it's those kisses you should be looking forward to and treasuring!"

"Nanadaime" Sarada started, her voice almost a shock to Sasuke now staring vacantly on his lap. "Does that mean your first kiss was not Hinata-sama?"

"What?" Naruto drawled, suddenly conscious of the insinuation. From the other side of the table, Sakura looked at her daughter with the corner of her eye and grinned, her chest full with pride. Boruto's blue eyes lit up intrigued, once again turning to his father. "I wasn't talking about myself! I was talking in general!" Naruto stuttered with an awkward smile. "You never know what life has in store—that's all I meant!"

"What about you, Papa?" Sarada chirped, and Sasuke squinted at her suspiciously. "Who was your first kiss with—"

"Sarada! Go to the kitchen and fetch me a clean towel, will you?" Sakura intervened.

Sasuke's attention was scattered. "I was very popular with girls, you know! Even more than Sasuke!" With the corner of his eye, Sasuke saw Naruto break into a spontaneous, youthful grin as he rubbed his neck uncomfortably, rambling on nonsense Sasuke did not have the patience to hear. On the other side of the table, Sakura was fondling their daughter's forehead. "You're a bit warm" she mused, feeling the complexion with her lips, but Sarada brushed off all her concerns with a light smile, reassuring her she was feeling absolutely fine.

"You've been too silent today, Sasuke"

The hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality; Sasuke trailed it to its owner, and blue orbs examining him with genuine concern. "Too silent even for you. Everything alright, Sasuke?" The soft serenity of his tone matched Sasuke's voicelessness and did not attract any attention from the rest.

Sasuke dropped his head against his chair and closed his eyes as he smirked. "It's nothing" he scoffed, the smile barely hanging on his face as he let out a long sigh. "I'm just tired"

II.

You've struggled before, I swear to do it again

You've told it before till I—

Until I'm weakened and sore

Seek hallowed land

Sarada was met with blur as she opened her eyes. Darkness lay ahead and nothing more. She rubbed her warm lids and blinked—one too many times until she could gain sight of her room; in vain. On the verge of moving, she realised she was unable to peel herself off the bed.

"I am hot" she mewed, jerking out of the tight siege of thick blankets and the arm wrapped around her. It rushed to fix them all over her again and she sighed.

"Keep these around you" Sasuke whispered, fondling his child's hair; he found it slick and sweaty, and his fingers followed it to its straight ends.

"Why?"

"Because the more you sweat, the more your temperature drops"

It seemed to Sarada as though the darkness thinned as she became accustomed to it. Her eyes could now even discern the figure of her father, his head tossed on his arm, and his legs folded on the pink carpet on the floor, as if he was praying. His features looked distant and aloof as the night, and in all her haze, there was very little Sarada could make of him.

"Is it serious?" she asked, referring to her temperature.

Sasuke lifted his head off his arm, his black hair snaking down to the blanket. "Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed. "It's just the flu"

"Isn't it contagious?"

"It is"

"What if you catch it, too, Papa?"

His eyes rolled towards hers, reflecting nothing but dullness. "If I catch it" he murmured, "then I will get over it"

"How?"

He gave her a faint smile; it was only then Sarada realised he might have been even more tired than she was. The smile vanished as fast as he came; slowly, he rose back on his feet and stuffed himself next to her under the stifling covers. Heat engulfed him at once; breathing was a challenge.

Sasuke drew his daughter next to him and she complied, laying her small head on his chest. The slow pace of his breathing, as well as the rhythm of his heartbeats absorbed her attention. Soon enough, she caught herself lost in it, forgetting all about the smothering heat of her blankets.

"And what if it's something you can't get over, Papa?"

Her question was met with nothingness. Sarada fidgeted in her father's arms, trying to catch a glimpse of his face. She was surprised to see he was already fast asleep.

She didn't try to wake him up. She nestled next to him once more, her head resting on his chest and she closed her eyes. She was absorbed in his breathing; every breath of his long as a sigh and deep as a sob. Sarada was asleep before she knew it; or so did Sakura guess, as she remained observing them a bit longer before she sighed and went back to bed.

III.

Begone the fools that lead me, I need not to know

Accept reclining spirit, I need to endure

The endless shuffling of papers was the only sound inside the room. It carried on undisturbed, without interruption, since it was crystal clear the intruder had not found what he wanted. His greedy eyes slithered on all sorts of book spines, sliding away as nothing seemed to arouse his interest. His fingers blended the papers he was holding, until he stopped at one that caught his attention—

He ran over the lines, sucking in the hidden information hungrily; a sly grin stretched his lips and he lowered his head, with a low laugh.

"As expected of you" he hissed, his tongue sliding on the kunai aiming at his throat. "Sasuke-kun"

"Put them down and make yourself scarce"

Indeed, the villain's hands lowered at Sasuke's behest, placing the papers on the desk. "Your contribution all these years has been invaluable" In accordance with the man's docility, Sasuke's hand fell off his neck. "However, I cannot allow you to be a threat to the Hokage's life" No longer restrained, Orochimaru turned around to face his student. "Don't expect me to let you off the hook again"

"Is he aware by now?" Orochimaru asked amused, licking his lips. "Sasuke-kun?"

The window framed the two interlocutors. The night behind them was fragile, and the millions of stars pinning the dark sky seemed to beg for their attention. Neither, however, allowed to be distracted from the moment, and the shameful things communicated with this eye-to-eye contact.

"Get out of my sight—"

"That's no way to address your sensei now, is it?" he coaxed, taking the last step forward to close the distance. Sasuke allowed the proximity, perhaps too shocked to react, which was as good as a consent for the man whose fingers snaked on his neck. Sasuke would abide by his immobility all the same, trusting it to secure his dignity.

"No worries, Sasuke-kun" the man slurred with a provocative grin. Sasuke remained overall expressionless as he felt the fingers slither inbetween his soft, ebony hair, tainting him with disgust. "Under no circumstances would I wish to arouse your wrath"

However humiliating, the answer was satisfactory. Sasuke hummed in agreement, but on the verge of turning around to leave, he felt the fingers gripping on his neck with newfound force he surely couldn't bring himself to ignore.

"Besides" Orochimaru whispered, leaning now even closer to Sasuke's pale face, licked as it was by the moonlight. "You're too precious for me, Sasuke-kun" His features stiffened as those words were heard; the ones that would follow were easily anticipated; and however they were to be phrased, they would hurt nonetheless. "I wouldn't risk ending your life along with his"

Sasuke scoffed with a hurt smile. "Do not make a fool of yourself by speaking of things you know nothing of"

"Do you still torture yourself with such thoughts, Sasuke-kun?"

"Shut up—"

"Do you still comfort yourself that you will die together?"

IV.

Greet open-handed stranger, create the turmoil, you're not sane

I want the last one to go the embers will revive, so stay

"Careful!"

Naruto smiled at the familiar, female voice shrieking across the corridor, voicing the warning Sasuke didn't care to. Naruto's hands fell gracelessly, one creeping up to his neck to rub awkwardly. "Sakura-chan" he murmured apologetically, "I am careful," the screwdriver sliding past his fingers. His eyes followed its descent to the carpet between Sasuke's feet.

Sasuke, who hadn't moved from the sofa once all afternoon, graced the mislaid object with a listless glance. Towering him, Naruto waited for a moment or two, the inexplicable waiting puzzling him as it stretched. "Aren't you going to give me that?"

His bare chest loomed with a thin slice of orange-yellow light the afternoon lavished him through the open window, rising and falling ever so softly in tune with his breaths. Concentration made his breathing smooth. Watching him breathe, following his chest as it pumped with air was soothing; for as long as one could concentrate on those breaths without eyes wandering lower, on the taut muscles of his stomach, or upwards, on the firm column of his neck that lumped occasionally as he swallowed—

Sakura met his bare back as she entered, still on the ladder with one hand on the ceiling. She eyed him sympathetically. "Aren't you cold?"

Naruto shook his head. "I'm fine" His clothes had been wet earlier, during his otherwise fruitful attempt to fix the pipes under the kitchen sink. "Besides, my clothes were almost dry when I last checked—they should be fine by the time I'm finished with this"

Instead of asking him again if he wanted to wear one of Sasuke's shirts, Sakura tilted her head before she spoke. "You've been tinkering it for hours. Are you sure you can fix it, Naruto?"

The blonde, who mistook it for the doubt of old times, tutted. "Didn't Hinata tell you?" he beamed, with that smile that made him look more dim-witted than he actually was. "I have fixed the entire house! The lamps, the faucet, the windows, the heating—what does that tell you?"

"That you need a new house"

Sasuke's eyes remained pinned on the vacant of their primrose walls, unaware of the concerned glance Naruto and Sakura exchanged, or their silent promise to talk about it later. Without offering another comment to Sasuke's spite—Naruto had grown up, after all—he recovered the screwdriver off the carpet himself, and went back to the multitude of green, blue and red wires hanging off the ceiling. Sakura lowered her jade eyes to the floor, where she joined the two children.

"What are you two up to now?" she giggled, even though her eyes had already spotted the photo album Sarada was scrutinising with ample interest. She squatted on the carpet and grabbed her daughter by the waist, drawing her closer for a kiss on her warm, wide forehead, while she patted Boruto's head, her fingers raking the yellow hair that was so similar to his father's. The boy smiled at her absent-mindedly, and she did, too, before his attention was once again absorbed by the pages Sarada was leafing through.

"We found this photo album in your bedroom, Mama" Sarada replied, meticulously scrutinising the countless photos. "You were so beautiful!"

Sakura smiled with elation and squeezed the child in her arms, revelling on the admiration of those black, sparkling eyes; and even though she could see the beauty her child was talking about alright, she had never been able to see a bit of herself in Sarada. Those black, abysmal eyes were all Sasuke; and the more she realised, the more proud she felt of that kid. "How old were you in this one, Mama?"

Sakura drew the album closer, examining her older self. "Nineteen" she said readily, her eyes resting on the purple diamond of her forehead.

"Where is it from?" Boruto asked, and his blue eyes darted her with jubilance.

"That," Sakura smiled, "is from your father and mother's wedding day" Her fingers turned the pages; the curious children caught a few takes of Shikamaru and Temari before Sakura showed them an ethereal photograph of Naruto and Hinata kissing, bristling with happiness. "See?"

"Boruto!" Sarada exclaimed with admiration. "Look how long your mother's hair is in this one!" The expression of happiness on Hinata's face looked too solid, too good to be true. "She looks like a princess!"

"She is a princess!" Boruto snapped with pride. Vaguely, he thought how similar his little sister was to their mother. His eager eyes scanned the pages ravenously, decoding faces and putting names to them; most of those villagers he knew, and some were the parents of his best friends. The similarities with their children were more than striking, he noticed; and so were the differences from their old selves. "Where is Uncle Sasuke?"

"We must have missed him" Sarada said certain, leafing past the pages with hungry eyes, met with the same photographs of the same villagers again and again, until the section of the Hokage's wedding day was over. She looked at her mother with a disappointed expression. "Wasn't Papa the best man?"

The words travelled across the room, catching Naruto's ear. Slowly, his fingers let go of the green wire he had been trying to intertwine with the red one. "Too scared of competition to have your photo taken with the groom, Sasuke?" Naruto teased, impishly and benevolently at the same time.

"He was away on a mission"

With Sakura's words echoing across the room, the goofy smile left Naruto's face. With her back turned to him, he couldn't catch her expression. His eyes turned to Sasuke again, who had yet to exhibit signs of having heard any of the conversation.

"The same one he went to after I was born?"

"A different mission"

The child pouted her lips. "But I thought Papa was Nanadaime's best friend" Her black eyes fell on a juvenile photo of Team Seven she had seen one too many times in the Hokage's office and house. "Why couldn't Boruto's parents wait until Papa finished his mission to become the best man?"

Naruto's blue eyes narrowed as he looked down at Sasuke with concern. "You never came to my wedding?" It was but a mild whisper that sounded shocked more than anything. Sasuke heard the question alright; he must have, because this time, he did raise his heavy and tired eyes up to Naruto's.

"You really had never noticed before?"

The tired smirk stretching one corner of his lips was too enigmatic, too provocative for Naruto's liking; but for the ladder, but for the stupid lamp, but for his son, and Sasuke's wife, and Sasuke's daughter in the room, Naruto would roll up his sleeves and go for it right there and then—because he had grown up alright, while it was obvious that Sasuke hadn't. Instead, he turned back to his task at hand; with a few, impatient screws, he started putting the lamp back on.

"This boy has the same eyes as Boruto's mother" Sarada pointed out; and Boruto, who did not possess her sharp observation skills, noticed only when she showed him.

"Indeed. Who is he?"

"This is Hinata's cousin. Boruto's uncle" Sakura said, her eyes resting on a faded photo of his with TenTen. "Hyuuga Neji"

Both children examined the confident boy with newfound interest. Sakura's hands caressed her daughter's hair absent-mindedly, with a nostalgic expression lingering on her face. "Where is Uncle Neji now?" Boruto asked. "I have never met him"

"He died at the Fourth Great Shinobi War" Sakura replied, the smile withering on her lips. "He saved your parents' lives. He was a hero"

Her jade eyes spoke of a sorrow none of the two children before her had known. Their era had yet to witness such a misfortune. And the man shielding it from such was still on her ladder; so engrossed in his duty of fixing her lamp, that Sakura couldn't tell if he was listening or not.

"What about this one?" Sarada said. Sakura's expression darkened considerably as her eyes fell on a boy, whose shinobi equipment looked overwhelming on his barely adolescent body.

"That," she started, looking at both children who hung from her lips, "is Papa's big brother" Sarada's eyes widened and her mouth rounded in surprise. "Uchiha Itachi" She bit her lips, somewhat wet with the tears coursing down her cheeks. "A great man he was" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "A true hero"

"He's dead then?" Boruto concluded.

Sakura nodded softly. "Yes"

"Did he also die in the war, Mama?"

"Sakura-chan" The woman turned around anxiously. "Would you mind turning the switch on? I think I fixed it"

Nodding as if hypnotised, Sakura gulped and stood up, heading for the electricity board. The two children devoted themselves to the photo album once again with newfound interest, keen on all the stories it kept and they had yet to find out. Their attention peaked; they focused on the pictures one by one to see how many of the villagers they could recognise.

The lights went on—off—on—and off again, the yellow light too foreign and artificial in combination with the afternoon light of the sunset. "It's working!" Naruto announced triumphantly, taking one step down. "Told you I could do it!" he screamed; but with Sakura still lost in the corridor and the children not bothered with him to begin with, it was only Sasuke he could brag about this to. Sasuke didn't seem to care; or that's what Naruto told himself, because it was only after a glimpse of Sasuke's empty sleeve that Naruto became aware of his blunder, and why he had stepped up to play handyman around Sasuke and Sakura's place to begin with.

His steps stopped. "Sasuke" It was how his voice lowered that made Sasuke's eyes roll nonchalantly to his direction. A certain wildness ornamented them that Naruto found ever so familiar and remote at the same time; resonating different times, past times, long lost times. With his grip still firm on the ladder, and a couple of steps over the ground, he lowered and whispered, for fear the kids overheard. "What's wrong?"

The blank expression pending for the subject to be dropped somehow urged him to carry on. "You look a bit under the weather" he mused, and took one more step down the ladder. Oddly enough, Sasuke looked even more tired to him as he approached. "Is anything the matter—"

"Idiot—"

Both children started up from the carpet; Sakura was fast to join them in the living room as soon as the thump was heard. With the sofa obscuring their vision, none of them could see how Naruto had tripped and Sasuke had jumped up from his seat to cushion his fall. Both men were now on the carpet, Naruto lying flat on top of Sasuke, murmuring in pain.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

"You bumped all over me, what do you think—"

"I'm sorry—"

"Move—"

"Sasuke—"

Naruto stilled above him—Sasuke had yet to open his eyes, he had yet to push him away. The fidgeting stopped at once when Naruto's big hand wandered along Sasuke's moist forehead, collecting all the sweat in one swift move that aimed at anything but—

Furious eyes focused on the cerulean ones above him, refusing to roam any lower on the strong neck—the bare, tight chest that pumped over his own clothed one— the stout arms surrounding Sasuke right and left, caging him on a position he could flee from every time—

And yet, Naruto's wondering expression betrayed none such thoughts; Sasuke gulped down anxiously, his eyes stilling on Naruto's lips because it was so much easier to look at his lips than his eyes—not that Naruto would ever notice—and waited—waited for Naruto to brush away from him and get up, apologise and rub the back of his neck with an idiotic smile that spoke of sun and better days—

"You're warm"

Sasuke's eyes shot open; lips bared clenched teeth and a breath he had been holding for too long.

Naruto's hand slid down to the cheeks, gauging their temperature with a soft touch and a troubled look. Sasuke gritted his teeth with a breath that was sharper than he had intended to—just like the next one and the one after that— it was then he realised he had no control over his breathing or whatsoever—

"You must be raising a temperature" Naruto decided with the determination of a doctor and a softness in his voice alluding to anything but. Sasuke felt his nails scratching the carpet, his fingers curling to a fist. "Is there any chance you've caught what Sarada has?"

The big, blue eyes looking at him with such innocence, such lack of tension Sasuke's eyes had ample to make up for, were honing Sasuke deeper than the round eyes of the two children goggling at them, and the worried expression of his wife towering them all. Hissing once more, he pulled himself up on his elbow, while Naruto had yet to move.

"Get off of me, idiot!"

You'd love to see right through my veins

The pale reflection tells all, predomination sustain

Crawl over land or mountain, in sight the ultimate escape

The silhouette subsiding, enticed, unable to relate

Upon the entrance of the hideout, the mountains loomed, majestic and eternal as Sasuke had remembered them from his travels. Timidly, the sun peaked over the misty, snowy tops, painting them orange and yellow, a thousand mixtures of warmth blending with the bedewed hints of clouds.

A gust of chill pierced Sasuke's skin as he stood at the entrance of the cave. Nothing on his expression betrayed the slightest discomfort, though. No less majestic and imposing than those mountains, he contemplated at the chaotic view blankly, not even remotely softened by the awe they inspired upon travellers and wanderers like himself. His expression was harsh, cold like the snow that the wind had pushed all the way into the cave. The melancholy he had tutored himself to mask with stolidity was there as well; and it was as solid as his footsteps on the smooth spotless surface of the snow.

He leant on the rough wall of the cave, his skin dented under his soft, black cape. A smirk marked his face. It stretched, almost painfully, at how sacrilegiously his loneliness had been invaded. No sooner had he turned around, than the figure he had seen—or thought he had seen—vanished into thin air, leaving nothing but a puff of smoke behind.

Sasuke's eyes rested on the spot where the figure used to hide; he watched the smoke soar up the ceiling of the cave, dissolve into nothingness. His dekko lowered to the ground; the fresh footsteps the shadow clone had brought along did not vanish along with it. Sasuke tutted to himself; if anything, that was as offensive as it could get.

VI.

You want to live a lifetime each and every day

You've beckoned before, you'll never do it again

You've prayed here before

Who are the prayers for?

Seek hallowed land

"Rough night?"

Naruto shook his head with a sigh. Lifting his eyes, he saw Shikamaru peaking over a large pile of papers which was not even the source of his trouble. "Talk about an understatement..." he exhaled with a tired smile. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Stayed to help" His elbow exploded confidently on the pile between them as he laid his head on his palm. "It's going to take you ages to finish up and Hinata sees you too little as it is"

"Very thoughtful of you" Blue eyes wandered out of the window, lost in the pitch black sky and the millions of bright, sparkling dots here and there—

As if in tune with his thoughts, the door burst open to reveal a black clad figure neither expected to see that night.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow, too lazy for any other exhibition of surprise. "Sasuke—?"

"Out"

Squinting back to Naruto, Shikamaru was not exactly surprised to find him wearing a soft expression of tolerance and even dread. "Please. Leave us alone" Naruto droned, his eyes never leaving the authoritarian dark figure ahead of him.

Not even trying to understand, Shikamaru raised his hands in defence and walked away decently, shutting the door behind him with a soft click. Naruto looked back deflated, waiting for Sasuke to voice the words.

"Since when do you send shadow clones after me?"

Naruto sat back in his chair, eyes scattered on the desk, the floor, the paperwork, the Hokage portraits on the walls, everywhere that wasn't Sasuke. "I had to make sure you're okay" he simply said, his voice coming out weaker than before. "Sakura-chan is very worried about you"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

"The longer you stay, the more you're acting up"

Sasuke stilled. There was no palpable change on his expression or his stance, and yet Naruto could tell his simple words had affected him more than they should. Encouraged, he went on. "Sasuke" he tried again, more earnestly this time. "What's going on?"

"You don't trust me, then?" Sasuke scoffed contemptuously. "I believe my performance in my latest missions has given you no reason to question me like that"

The tone was hurtful; it resonated times of scorn, but Naruto did not feel the least offended. Unlike then, when he would be tempted to snap and fuel a fight, he now sat back and watched as Sasuke's obnoxious defences unravelled themselves.

"You have no reason to be concerned, Naruto. All these years, I have done nothing to inspire your mistrust. The mission is going to be carried out as we discussed" His lips formed a smirk that did very little to conceal his impatience to leave the office. "Do not dare humiliate me again by sending another shadow clone after me"

"This is not about the mission, Sasuke" He knitted his fingers and his chin sank behind them, deepening his stare. "This is about you"

Seemingly unfazed, Sasuke's abrasive eyes locked with the Hokage's. "Is that so?" he smirked, sizzling with rage.

"You've been away for far too long—"

"You make it sound as if it was my choice to leave—"

"I never said it was" Naruto sighed. "I'm the only one to blame—But I can't do this to you anymore" Something menacing loomed behind those words—and Sasuke was up to it when he saw the other's eyes lower to his desk, his fingers toying nervously as his lips tried to work a voice out of his mouth.

"—Don't you dare—"

"I am drawing you off the mission"

Sasuke took a step back, glaring at the Hokage with diffidence his position surely should not inspire.

"You've been away for far too long. You need some time with your wife and your daughter—"

"You do not have the slightest idea what I need!"

"I can't keep sending you away when you obviously can't take it—"

"We both know I am the only one who can do this! Are you going to jeopardise the entire Shinobi World's welfare just because you think I need a holiday—"

"You look like you did when you went to Orochimaru"

Sasuke gazed speechless; and not because Naruto's voice had swallowed his in volume. "Please, Sasuke. I am worried about you" Sasuke took a moment to examine the Hokage's blue, sorrowful eyes, the trembling lips and hands. "I don't want to lose you again"

Sasuke took a step back, rewarding the dramatic plea with a sneer. "You're worried about me?" he scoffed. It sounded too malevolent, and the empty, desperate expression the Hokage was holding now surely did not show he was ready to handle all this spite. "You don't want to lose me?" Sasuke parroted bitterly with a snicker. "You couldn't even remember I never came to your wedding! You have even forgotten—"

"I look back on my wedding day as a happy occasion! How could it be so if you weren't there? Why on earth wouldn't you be?"

"It doesn't matter. I have no right to complain" Sasuke turned around and moved away from the desk; one, two, three steps and he stopped. "My past" he murmured, "what I am and all I've ever been, everything I have been holding on to…" He shook his head. "It's shameful"

Naruto eyed his back with great concern. "You have been great support over the years, Sasuke" With an abrupt move, he stood up; his chair careened a little before it became stable again. "I don't know what I would have done without you. I am very proud of you"

Sasuke deigned to look him. "No, Naruto. You're not" he snapped, even though nothing on the Hokage's serene expression alluded to lying. "Not when you and Sakura can't talk to my daughter about me the way you talk to your children. Not when you have to hide or lie about my past, who I was, what I did to my brother, what I did to my wife, what I did to—"

"Stop it—"

"You"

Naruto heaved. "Is that what you've been keeping bottled up for all this time?"

"And what if it is?" Their eyes crossed. "What difference does it make to you?"

"You make it sound as if I don't care"

"Like I said, my performance in the mission has risen up to your expectations. You have no reason to worry—"

"Fuck the mission, Sasuke, what about you?"

"What about me?"

Naruto slammed his fist on the table—"What makes you think I only care about you as far as the mission is concerned?" A few papers flew around them, swimming in the air until they landed gracefully, soundlessly on the floor. "Why do you make it sound as if you are a pawn to me and nothing more?"

"I have never dared to think of myself as anything more—"

"—Damn you, Sasuke" Naruto circled the desk, now standing opposite him. "After all these years, it sounds as if you want me to pulverise you again, don't you?" His right hand grabbed Sasuke by the scruff of his neck, drawing his face closer to his own. "What is it I have to do for you to realise I care about you?"

"You care about me?" They were now close enough for Sasuke to spit the words across the other's face.

"You know I do" As if on cue, Sasuke's heavy eyes fell on the bandages of Naruto's arm. "You remember. Don't you?"

"It is you who forgot" Sasuke hissed bitterly. "What have I ever been to you?—"

"My best friend—"

"—A promise to Sakura—" Sasuke whimpered, not slightly deterred by the hand which was now pressing onto his neck. "—to bring me back and be a good friend to her—"

"You think this was about Sakura-chan—"

"—A condition—" Sasuke inhaled sharply, "—to realise your dream and become the Hokage you are today—because how could you ever be a Hokage if you could not even save a friend—"

"That's not what I meant and you know it—"

"—A pawn—for you to be the Hokage you are today and protect the village you love—"

"Surely you don't believe any of these, Sasuke—" Naruto hissed as he forced Sasuke against the wall, hands still grasping on the collar of his back cape. "If you do—" he exasperated, "it is you who has forgotten"

Sasuke stilled under the rough aspiration of Naruto's lips. "You would once die for me" he asserted, not without some complaint. "Die for me, die with me—And now this preppy speech is all you can give me…" Grabbing Naruto's fist with his own, Sasuke let his eyes wander lower on Naruto's chest. "You've forgotten about me"

The fingers loosened off Sasuke's cape and fell; Naruto remained gazing at his friend, an expression of genuine shock sparkling in his eyes. With his jaw slightly hanging, he took a step back, only now becoming aware of what Sasuke had been trying to say. A million excuses—reasons formed into his head; it's not the same anymore—we're not sixteen—we each have a family of our own—our wives, our kids come first—do they? Was it betrayal if they did?

"Sasuke…"

Had they stopped being each other's priority?

Naruto could only watch speechless as Sasuke tried to catch his breath with his eyes closed.

When had they stopped being each other's priority?

He eyed Sasuke, uncertain what it was he should do or say to make him feel better.

"I'm sorry"

A hesitant hand got hold of Sasuke's shoulder, who seemed overall unmoved by words or gestures. And Naruto didn't really know if it really was his fault to apologise or not; all that mattered, at the moment, was that Sasuke was upset because of him. And that, he couldn't live with.

"What is it you need me to do to make you feel better?"

Sasuke's bleak eyes popped open in response. Furious, he slapped Naruto's hand off his shoulder and made it to the door until—

"Sasuke—"

"If you're asking me such a stupid question, then you really don't understand, do you, Naruto?"

The hand insisted; once again, Sasuke found himself slammed against the wall with Naruto's cerulean eyes attacking him with fury.

"Make me understand" he growled, searching for Sasuke's eyes. "Fight me. Take it all out on me. Do anything you want. Just don't walk away from me again!" His expression was honest and wounded; and even Sasuke, in all his drama, couldn't miss that. Naruto was trying to co-operate as sincerely as a man who had been familiar with the issue for the past ten minutes could. He was not aware of it when he woke up that morning, when he had breakfast with his wife and children, when he immersed himself in piles of paperwork—but now that it was there, he couldn't possibly bring himself to ignore it. "Sasuke…" Fingers clasped desperately around Sasuke's shoulder and Naruto's forehead collided with his. "I can't lose you again"

Without daring to open his eyes, Sasuke drew a long and deep breath; and then he sighed. "You won't. You know you won't"

Naruto's fingers pressed tighter in response; as if he was still afraid of it.

"You know I feel guilty enough to do anything for you," Sasuke reassured dully, "to put you above anyone else"

"You don't have to feel guilty!" Both his hands were on Sasuke's shoulders now and shook him, as if to bring him to sanity. "Everyone has forgiven you a long time ago! The only one who needs to forgive you still is you!"

"And what if I do? What would bind us from now on, if not guilt?"

"It is not nothing when someone feels this way, Sasuke! It's not nothing when someone has devoted their entire existence to protecting you from yourself and taking care of you!" Naruto's fingers responded by clenching around Sasuke's jaw with every bit of his despair to make him understand. "I would give up every single dream of mine that has come true to run away with you and follow you on your quest. You know that. You should know that"

"Would you?" Sasuke sneered bitterly.

Naruto's head slid down and his forehead rested on Sasuke's shoulder. "Just say the words and I will" he droned defeated.

"Would you give up on anything for my sake? Your wife? Your kids? Your village?"

"Why does it have to be one or the other? Why do you have to set yourself apart from the rest of us?"

"Because I can't—I am not worthy to be among you"

"Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to pain everyone to prove their love to you? Why does anyone who loves you have to be tortured to prove their loyalty to you? Haven't I suffered enough for you? Do you want me to suffer still?"

"You wouldn't suffer a bit. You would still carry on with your life as if I have never been here" he snickered. "Things have changed. You are not alone anymore"

"And yet here I am" Naruto pleaded with those eyes, firm and assertive, stubborn that he could fix everything that refused to fall into place. But he wasn't smiling anymore.

It was so easy to give in. The repercussions faded in the background of what against all odds was here and now and yet it was too much to handle—too much to bear—too much to even conceive. How years of resistance melted away like snow under the first, playful sunrays of the purest, first morning of the spring—and how they suddenly meant absolutely nothing. Sasuke closed his eyes so that he wouldn't look at those lips—thirsty, glossy, pink, wet, so close to his—so that he would remember—remember why he had to go through the motions all these years and act as if it didn't hurt—

Like a thirsty man, travelling across the desert only to find himself before an oasis of crystal waterfalls and breeze, he could no longer school his mind to abstain, to survive. It had to happen. If anything, it had to happen because it hadn't happened already. Because wanting it that much couldn't be all for nothing—not when it ached so much and tore him asunder every time he had to lie to everyone he held on dearly—

Lowering his head, Sasuke nodded and backed off.

No sooner had he walked away, than Naruto pulled him back into a kiss.

It might have been a shock—surely it was at first, the way their eyes closed and their lips clashed as if they had both been waiting for that time bomb deep inside to go off and ruin every barrier that had been keeping them apart for all along. But then again, the only shock was how they could have survived all along without this—what seemed so natural, so wanted and so necessary. Up to this day, this kiss was the only thing between them that made sense. It spoke of promises long forgotten—distractions that were not enough—feelings buried deep inside and distance widened, because these were the only ways to survive a life without such a kiss.

Awakened from semblances of happiness, and conquered dreams, the sensation of lips against lips—too scared to move the slightest—crawled under the skin as if to numb their entire bodies. When it sank in—when they opened their eyes and looked one another in mutual understanding, everything did, indeed, fall into place. That brief moment of their lips touching had pieced together everything quite nicely.

It was, therefore, no wonder that they leant in again, this time, completely certain both of what it was that was missing, and of the complications. Surely it couldn't be enough from now on—not even a deeper kiss—not even the next one—and another one like that. Not even distance drastically eliminated, bodies clasped together emanating heat and hands touching hungrily, desperate to absorb what shouldn't have been denied for ever so long.

"Anything you want…" Naruto mumbled what sounded like the delirium of a feverish man, or sleep-talk he would never hear when awake. "I can't lose you again…" he sighed, his lips voraciously sucking on Sasuke's neck, his sighs lost and tangled in Sasuke's, who was still trying not to lose his mind so as to heed those words. "Please, Sasuke… Don't go"

Naruto couldn't see him shaking his head—because he was clenching Sasuke so tight, his forehead rubbed against Sasuke's neck with despair that Sasuke's fingers raking through the short, yellow hair was not even beginning to dissolve. Struggling not to lose his head once and for all among kisses, Sasuke strived to speak—but his voice, caught up in sighs and gasps on his throat, wouldn't come out—

And yet it was impossible to miss, in that moment their eyes locked and their souls fused into one another, that Naruto wasn't smiling anymore—and what would Naruto be without his smiles, Sasuke wondered. Something ugly twisted in those blue eyes, suffocating to burst—desperate, miserable—lost in a way Sasuke hadn't seen him in years. Shocked at the realisation, and having no one but himself to blame, Sasuke broke the kiss and looked away; took a step back and kindly pushed Naruto away in a heroic and noble act of self-control—or a desperate attempt to save Naruto from what Sasuke himself had started—

"No—"

It couldn't be a coincidence that he still wasn't smiling—and yet it was no illusion that he had seen him smile, time and again, during those short and brief kisses Naruto and his wife shared in public or in the presence of friends.

Strong, masculine hands clasped around Sasuke's neck, with tender thumbs crawling upwards to his cheeks, forcing their eyes to lock once more. And when they did, the resolve that belonged to those eyes more than anything else was back, quietly pleading with Sasuke to stay. I'll fix this, they promised when they could not deliver, but how difficult, how heartless it was to keep resisting when Sasuke felt his own soul vacuumed in those eyes —irresistible—when he could no longer find a reason to resist.

And so it was that he let himself go.

His body gradually had the consistency of cream as he allowed to be supported by these strong arms, relinquished all his body weight into their care. They did not budge a bit—anything less would have surprised him. Less rigid, almost fluid, his body gave in to Naruto's perseverance and suddenly, Sasuke felt his body washed free from tons of burden. Accepted, relinquished, embraced, as if it no longer mattered to be himself because these arms wouldn't let go no matter what. Nothing more was there to say—nothing more needed to be said, when that timid smile of reassurance blossomed into Naruto's lips. Small though it was, Sasuke could never doubt what was destined to be on the Hokage's lips, and suited him so perfectly fine. Like the first sunrays piercing the greyest clouds after a rainy day, relieving the saturated, tortured landscape with some warmth, those sunrays could never be questioned—nor could they be treated as elusive, for the sun would always come back to shine no matter what.

"Don't go"

Sasuke licked his lips, too scared to agree for fear the moment puffed into oblivion. The arms tightening around him were no longer a prison of guilt or duty.

This was not, however, what it looked like, to the speechless visitor who pushed the door open silently, hoping to reach her childhood friend and talk about whatever had been ailing her husband.

Neither of them noticed when the door timidly creaked open to reveal the spectacle of the two so hopelessly—passionately immersed into one another—

The spectacle of two marriages, two families, and childhood friendships falling apart at the seams.

She stood there silent, her fingers tightly fisted around the door knob she now wished she hadn't opened—

"Promise"

—transparent, yet pierced by each and every sigh—soft or deep, smooth or tempestuous—that spoke the truth her husband wouldn't dare let her in on for so many years—

"I won't"

Her eyes clenched shut, warm tears rolling down her cheeks. She turned around and walked away, contributing not even a sound to the carnalities now unravelling behind closed doors.

"Sakura-bachan?"

Boruto, a spitting image of his father, eyed her in concern.

"Mama? Did you find Nanadaime?"

Putting on a fake smile, she grabbed both children by the hand. "He's busy" she sniffed.

"What else is new?" Boruto huffed, kicking a pebble.

"Boruto. That's no way to talk about the hero of the village" Sarada preached.

"Is he coming home for dinner at least?"

Sakura shrugged. "I don't know"

"I'm not waiting for him" Boruto towed them both home, where his mother was expecting them all for dinner.

VII.

You want to live a lifetime each and every day

In this short time of promise, you're a memory

Looking out of the window had nothing new or interesting to offer; and yet Naruto's cerulian eyes were immersed in the lush scenery of trees wildly arrayed one after the other.

"How are you feeling, dear?"

Naruto listlessly took the thermometre out of his mouth and passed it to his wife.

Her lips pouted as she caught the figure. "Your temperature is still too high" she said. "Shikamaru called earlier. He said that you should take as much time as you need to recover and he'll take care of the paperwork"

Naruto nodded pensively, fighting shy of her eyes smiling down on him as kindly as ever.

"I'll go make you some soup and you'll be better in no time at all"

"Thank you" he mumbled, his eyes drowning in the thick blankets that kept him warm.

"Such a shame you got sick out of the blue" Hinata pondered, changing his compress. "Is there any chance you caught what Sarada had?"