All I could do was sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the delicate little flower petals in my hand.

How is this possible?

I ran the tip of my finger down the length of one soft, silky petal, taking in the lush texture. How had this tiny, beautiful thing come out of my lungs? Did it have anything to do with the droplets of blood smeared across my fingers?

My throat hurt. It was a sharp, stinging pain that came with the exertion of coughing up flower petals.

What does this mean? What's wrong with me? Why are there flowers in my lungs?

My mind was racing, trying and failing to come up with a comprehensive reason why I had just coughed up petals. It didn't make sense. Maybe I had somehow breathed them in during my training yesterday? No, that didn't make sense either. I'm pretty sure I would've noticed something as large as a flower petal getting into my nose or mouth.

Ow, ow, ow, my chest still hurts... Hurts to breathe in... I winced and clutched my chest with my free hand, trying to take shallow breaths so as to keep the pain at a bare minimum. I think something's horribly wrong, but I don't know what it is. I'm scared.

I wondered if I should tell Gon. He was my best friend, I shouldn't keep any secrets from him. I considered it for a moment before deciding against it. If I told Gon, he'd turn into a clingy worrywart. He wouldn't leave me alone if he knew something was wrong, and he probably wouldn't let me do anything without help.

Kurapika was a bit more understanding and had a much better concept of personal space, but I didn't think he would know what to do in this kind of situation. And, chances were, he'd worry excessively about me like Gon would.

Well... All my companions were known to overthink things and worry about each other excessively.

But Leorio might actually know what to do here. He was training to become a doctor, so he had a vast knowledge of medicine, diseases, injuries and the like. He also knew what patient confidentiality was. I could talk to him about it if I absolutely had to, and he might be able to offer me some advice on how to deal with this.

But I won't say anything unless it keeps happening. For all I know, it might be a one-time thing. I decided, slowly rising to my feet and wandering into the washroom so I could dispose of the flower petals and wash the blood off my hand.

My legs felt weak and my hands were shaking, I noticed. Training would be nigh on impossible like this.

A sharp knock at the door jolted me out of my thoughts.

"Ne, Killua? Are you awake?" Gon's familiar voice called out, from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Y-Yeah, I'm up." I replied, wincing when I realized my voice was raspy and much thinner than usual. That, and talking made my throat hurt even worse. "Do you need anything?"

"Not particularly... Can I come in?"

"Just a second." I turned to the full-length mirror propped up against the washroom wall and gave myself a quick once-over to make sure I looked somewhat presentable.

There were no traces of blood on my paper-pale skin. My slanted, sapphire blue eyes looked slightly duller than usual, but I doubted it was a noticeable difference. My platinum blonde hair was messy, white curls loosely framing my angular face, but that was also pretty normal seeing as I didn't care much about my hair. I still combed my fingers through it self-consciously before calling out to Gon.

"Ne! You can come in now!"

There was a brief pause, then the sound of the door creaking open and Gon's soft footsteps padding into the room. I poked my head out of the washroom after plastering on a fake smile.

"Did you need something?" I asked, in what I hoped was a pleasant voice.

"Yes, actually. I need to know why you were coughing so much and trying to hide it." Gon plopped down on the edge of the bed and kicked his feet childishly, giving me a wide-eyed stare.

"Hmm? What do you mean?" I feigned ignorance, making a face and rubbing the back of my neck with one hand. "It wasn't me. Maybe it was Kurapika. You know his allergies get weird around this time of year."

"Mmmm... No. It was definitely you." Gon shook his head, causing his raven hair that defied the very concept of gravity to shimmy around on his head. "I can tell even your coughing voice apart from the others."

Damn this kid for being so perceptive.

I shrugged and sat down next to him, crossing my legs at the ankles and resting my weight on my palms, which were firmly planted on the sheets behind me. "Alright, you got me. I just had a tickle in my throat, that's all."

"That makes sense. I'm glad it wasn't anything worth worrying about. But if something were wrong, you would tell me. Right, Killua?" the ravenette turned to give me a hopeful smile.

"Oh, uhhh... Yeah. Sure." I grimaced and looked down at my crossed ankles. It physically pained me to lie to Gon because I knew he trusted me enough to believe every word I said.

All I could think about were those damn flower petals that had somehow gotten into my lungs.

Gon would be absolutely crushed if he knew I was keeping something this massive from him.

But it's not that big of a deal... Right? Goddammit, Killua, you're a trained assassin! You've dealt with far worse than a little blood and a couple measly flower petals! You don't need anybody else's help to get through this. You'll be fine. Trust yourself. Trust your training. That's all you need.

"Are you still feeling ill?" Gon asked, leaning in closer so he could examine my face. When I tried to shift away from him, he grabbed my chin, forcing me to hold still. "Stop moving, baka, I'm trying to determine if you need fixing or not!" he snapped.

I sighed and obediently relaxed, letting him have his way. "I probably will sit out on training, just to be safe. I still feel a little on the unwell side." I hesitantly admitted.

I think coughing up flowers and blood merits a free pass from training for just one day. Besides, our mission starts tomorrow. It's important that I am in peak condition.

"I'll tell Kurapika and Leorio. We'll stay in together, okay?" Gon pressed his palm flat against my forehead, trying to detect any sort of fever.

I made a face and once again tried to move away from him, mumbling, "No, you don't have to do that, I'll be okay..."

"Killua." Gon said, tucking an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a tight hug before I could escape. "You're more important to me than training. I want to make sure that you'll be alright, even if it means missing a day of training. Nothing you can say or do will change my mind."

I made a soft sound of protest, but still gave up arguing and leaned into his warm embrace, resting my forehead against his warm shoulder. This was pretty common, Gon gave me hugs all the time. But every single one was just as special as the very first had been.

Sometimes I hated the feelings I had for him. They were stupid, and served no purpose whatsoever except to torment me with the fact he and I would always be best friends, nothing more. Whenever he touched me, I was overcome by the urge to give in to my selfish desires and just... confess. Confess how I felt about him. Confess that I was greedy enough to want more than the beautiful friendship we already had. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't risk revealing my feelings for fear that he would be disgusted.

There's only one thing in the entire world that really and truly scares me. I don't fear death, I don't fear torture, I don't fear anything at all except for the possibility that Gon might hate me someday.

What if he were to wake up one day and realize that he didn't want an ex-assassin with the blood of thousands on his hands as a friend? What if he left me behind?

What if he finds another friend that is ten times better than I ever will be and comes to realize that he doesn't need me anymore?

I was too prideful to admit it, but Gon was my entire reason for existing.

When I was following him, I felt brave and strong. I felt like I could take on the entire world and emerge victorious without even breaking a sweat.

But without Gon by my side, I was lost.

I realized I had lingered just a moment too long when Gon tapped my shoulder to get my attention.

"Did Killua fall asleep?" He asked in a hushed voice, as if he were talking to himself. "Ne, Killua? You've been still for an awful long time."

"S-Sorry, I..." I started to stammer, beginning to pull away from the warmth and safety of Gon's arms.

"Don't apologize." the tan boy's grip on me tightened and he began running one hand up and down my back in smooth, comforting motions. "We can stay like this as long as you'd like."

Once again, he'd managed to read me as easily as an open book. Gon somehow knew and understood the fact that I needed to be held. With his arms and the natural warmth of his body surrounding me, I felt completely and utterly at peace, like all the broken pieces inside of me were sliding back into place.

"Mmm..." I wiped my face with the back of my hand and nudged his arms away so I could move back a bit, this time for good. "I'm fine, but thank you. I appreciate it."

"If you ever need a hug, don't be afraid to ask for it. I give free hugs at any time of day... Or night, for that matter!" Gon declared, cheerfully.

My lips twitched upward in something of a smile. "Thanks again for that. Now, what's the best thing we can do to annoy the hell out of Leorio?"

Gon grinned playfully. "Oh, I've got a few ideas."

-

"I thought Killua was feeling sick today?" Kurapika threw a questioning glance at Leorio, whom was huddled up on the couch, hunching his shoulders and glaring like a vulture.

"He seems fine now." Leorio replied, between gritted teeth.

Gon and I were currently in the process of beating the shit out of each other with a couple pillows we'd swiped from our rooms. We giggled and taunted each other, swinging our pillows like little barbarians.

Kurapika was watching with a soft, affectionate smile on his face, but Leorio's expression implied he'd never seen anything more revolting in his life. I'm not sure what the guy had against pillow fights to be completely honest. All I knew was that they were the best way to annoy him.

"Maybe you two should go outside and train before Leorio's head explodes." Kurapika said, tilting his head to one side and regarding us smaller boys with sparkling silver eyes.

"We are training." Gon insisted, right before whirling around and creaming me with his pillow.

"Blegh!" I snarled and shoved the offending pillow out of the way so I could retaliate, grabbing Gon's arm and beating him into the floor with my own. "I know it's not ideal, but it's like no-contact sparring. It doesn't hurt the other person, and you can gain battle experience from it." I told the blonde, grinning from ear to ear like an overexcited schoolboy.

"I... Didn't know you were capable of such a thing as no-contact sparring, Killua." Kurapika nodded slowly, processing this new information.

"I am, trust me. I just don't like it very much." I shrugged.

A split second later, I received a face full of pillow from a very agitated Gon, who had decided he was tired of letting me get the better of him. Before I could recover from the first strike, he hit me three more times with swift brutality and tackled me, pinning my arms on either side of my head with ease.

"I win." he gloated.

I wriggled and squirmed around a bit, testing to see if it would be a good idea to struggle. But Gon had a grip like iron, so I sighed and gave up.

"Fine." I spat. "Get off me, you oaf!"

I had almost completely forgotten about this morning's somewhat alarming events.

Almost.

Somewhere in the very back of my mind, I could still see those bloodstained pink petals sitting pretty against the pale skin of my palm.

And somewhere in the very back of my mind, I could still feel that strange, foreign pain whenever I breathed in. It had never gone away, never gotten any better. I still hadn't told anyone. Hell, my friends had no idea anything was even remotely wrong, other than the fact I had decided against training for today.

Gon seemed to have forgotten entirely about the fact he'd overheard my coughing fit, he didn't seem the least bit concerned. His eyes and his smile were as bright and carefree as they always were. I loved seeing him so happy.

"Are you two done terrorizing each other now?" Leorio demanded to know. He was still sitting like a vulture.

"I dunno... Are we?" Gon gave me a curious stare as he slid off of me and grabbed my wrist, pulling me up into a sitting position.

"Hmm... That's a tough one..." I touched my thumb to my lips, pretending to think about it for a second. "Yeah, I think we are. Unless you want me to clobber you with this pillow again."

"Nu-uh!" Gon shook his head in protest and stuck out his tongue at me. "I was the one who clobbered you. Did you already forget that I beat you fair and square? Is it because you took one too many hits to the head during our pillow fight?" he let out a dramatic gasp before adding, "Does Killua have brain damage??"

"No I don't have brain damage, baka." I snatched his pillow away from him and tossed it over my shoulder carelessly. "I think you're the one that needs to have his head examined, not me."

"Gimme that." Gon practically ran me over so he could retrieve his pillow, knocking me onto my side. He whacked me over the head with it for emphasis before saying, "How does Killua's brain feel now, huh?"

"Doesn't feel nearly as lame as yours probably does." I retorted, swinging my legs around so I could kick him in the chest, knocking him flat onto his back.

I could faintly hear Kurapika scolding our grumpy, raven-haired friend in the background. "Stop being such a killjoy, Leorio! They're not fighting with pillows anymore!"

"They ain't done roughhousin' yet." was Leorio's curt response.

"Tch." the blonde rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, raising one eyebrow. "If you're really as young as you say you are, you should be a little more enthusiastic about their fun and games." he pointed out.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Leorio asked.

"It means you act like a grouchy old man."

"Feh. Everyone's a critic. Even you, Kuropika."

"It would seem so."

Gon and I were completely engrossed in a heated wrestling match on the wooden floor. He had managed to pin my arms to my sides, but I was flexible enough to swing my legs up and behind my head, lifting my hips from the floor so I could fold myself in half. One of my feet managed to catch just under his chin in such a way that it caused his head to snap back.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, releasing my arms so he could clutch at his chin, reeling from the force of the kick.

I decided to take advantage of his distraction and jumped on him, growling playfully as I tried to wrangle him down to the ground, swatting at his head with one hand in an attempt to stun him. He must've been feeling particularly stubborn today, because he absolutely refused to let me gain the upper hand. I was on my knees in his lap at this point, trying to grab hold of his flailing hands so I could pin them. But he wasn't giving up without a fight. He managed to uncurl his legs beneath my weight and kick me square in the chest with both feet, sending me flying backward until I slammed into the wall behind me.

A bolt of pain shot through my back and shoulders, causing me to let out a little squawk of discomfort that was nearly lost in the loud THUD that came from my body hitting the wall which as much force as it did.

"Ooooooooh!" Leorio and Kurapika exclaimed in perfect unison. The blonde clapped both hands over his mouth, while the spectacled ravenette winced sympathetically.

"Ouch..." I groaned, slowly crumpling to the floor.

"Aiiiiiiii!" a flash of black, green and tan shot by, and suddenly Gon was beside me. "I'm so sorry! Is Killua hurt? Did I hurt Killua?" the poor thing was practically squeaking with fright.

"I'm okay, don't worry." I winced and reached behind me to rub at my back, trying to ease away some of the throbbing aches. "I wasn't expecting it so I didn't have any time to break my fall. It's no big deal. I'll beat you next time, and that's a promise."

"In your dreams." Gon stuck his tongue out at me for the second time that day before his goofy expression melted into one of concern. "But seriously, are you okay? I probably shouldn't have gotten so rough, I'm sorry."

"Meh, I'm fine. I've dealt with worse than being knocked around by the likes of you."

"But I never beat you this often. Your reflexes are too fast. You're too fast. Is something going on?"

An image of those flower petals appeared in my mind. I quickly blinked it away and shrugged. "Yeah, I think so. Might be because I haven't been feeling so great this past couple days. It's not a big deal."

"Bleh. I still feel bad." Gon plunked his head down on my shoulder to pout.

I reached over and gave him a noogie, successfully getting him off my shoulder in the process. He tried to return the favor, but I scrambled out of the way before he could even so much as touch me. With a little snarl of indignance, he gave chase.

"Great. Now they're playing tag." Leorio said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"They're boys. Hyper boys, at that. Leave them be." Kurapika shot the ravenette a warning glare. "If you trample on their fun, I'll have no choice but to severely wound you."

"Okay, okay..." Leorio wisely chosen to fall silent.

I let Gon chase me around for a couple minutes before I tackled him and kicked his feet right out from under him, knocking him flat onto his back.

"There. That's for the first time you beat me." I said. Before he could recover, I knelt down over his splayed body and grabbed his wrists, pinning his hands. "And that is for the second time you beat me by throwing me into a wall. Looks like I win this match." I snickered.

"Awwwww. Killua's so mean." Gon whined.

"What do you mean? You threw me into the wall and beat me senseless with a pillow not ten minutes ago!" I exclaimed.

"I said I was sorry!"

"Well, too bad, because I'm not sorry at all. I'd do it again in a minute."

"See? Killua's a big meanie."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"This is starting to get really stupid, Gon."

"Your face is starting to get really stupid too."

"Really? Is that your best comeback?"

"...yes."

"That's lame."

We continued to quarrel back and forth for a while longer. We weren't actually angry with each other, we just loved to have petty arguments for no good reason.

Eventually, Kurapika got tired of it and told us to go do something else, so we retreated to Gon's room only to start yet another pillow fight on his bed.

The rest of the day passed without incident. I didn't cough up any more petals, but the ache in my chest hadn't gone away. At least it hadn't gotten any worse either, I told myself. I should feel better in the morning.

But I couldn't sleep at all that night. I think I somehow knew that this was far from over, that my predicament with flowers was only just beginning.

To be continued...

-

A/N: Hurray for frequent updates!!! I'm just gonna warn y'all right now that this fic is gonna get hella angsty pretty quickly. I've got a lot planned out for the next chapters.

Heyyy, thanks so much for reading! Please remember to leave a review on your way out telling me what you thought of this chapter, and consider checking out my other fics if you have time. Thanks again, love y'all!

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