Notes: This is what happens when you drink and write. Not as original as my drunken brain liked to think at the time, but it was fun so here it is. Read at your own risk. You've been warned.

Curiosity

"You're the best boyfriend, ever!" Poppy squealed happily, making Branch smile proudly at her. The pile of cheeseburgers was done and he had finished placing it between the fondue and the cake. It was past one in the morning and the couple was far from sleepy. "Thanks for letting me use your kitchen."

"No problem, I mean it is bigger than your whole pod." He replied, going to the sink to wash his hands. Besides, he added mentally, he was really happy to have an excuse to spend more time alone with her. Her queenly duties kept her away from him more than he liked.

"And you stayed up with me." She added with a grin, giving him a sweet and playful kiss on the lips, making him blush.

"Well, it's not like I'm sleepy." He watched when she sat on top of the counter, tracing her fingers on the bow filled with frosting. He gulped when she placed her delicate finger on her lips and sucked, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Hm… it was.

"Yeah, we worked so hard that I'm bright awake." She giggled barely looking at him, finding the frosting much more interesting.

"We should do something to relax." He suggested, thinking about cuddling with her under the blankets and picking a book each. Certainly that would get them both sleepy in no time.

"You're totally right!" She jumped from the counter and opened the cabinet under the sink. Curiously, he peered at her until she retrieved a wine bottle that they had used to add just a drop to the cake recipe to make it tastier. "A glass of wine always gets me sleepy."

"Not exactly what I had on my mind, but that will do." He grinned, picking up two glasses appropriate for a red one. He couldn't complain, even because he usually liked the effects the wine had on her.

"What about we play a game?" She followed him to the couch, snuggling close and placing the bottle right in front of them. She knew she wasn't going to stop at one glass.

"Not into drinking games." He rolled his eyes, watching as she mockingly dared him to join her. "Okay, what?"

"You tell me something about yourself, if it's something I don't know I drink. Then it's my turn." She explained, sipping first and enjoying the flavor.

As soon as she explained how to play he knew she'd be drunk while he would remain completely liquor free. He knew everything about her, from her birthday to her favorite pantone color. Was it too much? Maybe it was but he had always been crazy prepared… and a boyfriend couldn't be prepared enough.

The bottle emptied and her giggles became louder. He had just had one glass and learned some interesting things he had never considered like… the fact that she was dying to get a tattoo on Volcano Rock City… and that she could eat an entire chocolate bar by herself during her period. And he made a mental note to have some in storage in a couple of weeks.

"I'll be right back." He announced, standing up and leaving the lounge room. She was lying down on the couch with her feet in the air and her head down, making it difficult to drink without spilling anything.

The silence made her pay attention to every noise inside the bunker. How the rain poured outside and gently dripped against the trapdoor and how the wind whistled through the roughly carved walls. It was so quiet that she even thought she'd hear Branch peeing, but, to her surprise, she only heard the flush… and then the sink water running and stopping…

"I'm starting to get sleepy." He announced returning to her side.

"I have a question!" She said, quickly sitting up and looking at him blankly. He blinked a few times and poured another glass, raising it to his lips. "Do you pee sitting down?"

And he spit all the wine over the floor.

"What kind of question is that?" He freaked out and it only made him even more worried that she looked really serious about it.

"An honest one." She shrugged. "Do you?"

"You've had too much to drink!" He snatched her glass, making her pout cutely at him. He really thought she let the subject drop, but a few minutes and some lip chewing later, she continued.

"Just wondering… I mean, when you're doing number two I thought Branchfer would just rest on your thighs, but…"

"HOLY CUPCAKES, Poppy! Let it go!" He nearly screamed, horrified at her imagination.

"… But to pee sitting down it must be inside the toilet… as in… vertical." She was doing a wonderful job ignoring his thunderstruck expression. He didn't know what else to say to make her stop talking. It was getting too… weird and the way her eyes moved from left to right… oh dear… was she trying to imagine it? "Does it brush the bowl?"

"I'M OUTTA HERE!" He abruptly stood up, running into his room, ready to close the door, but she was right there behind him.

"I'm sorry, but I'm having some hygiene concerns here." And she was so seriously staring at him that his bright red face felt like it was going to explode. Who would have thought a cooking night would turn so… insane?!

"Okay…" He let his breath go and opened the door he was holding, allowing her to sit down on the bed by his side. "I pee sitting down because we're sharing the bathroom and I want it clean for you." That was probably the most… surreal conversation he had in his life. "And no… it doesn't… brush against the toilet. Happy now?"

"Oh thank you." She sighed in relief, raising a hand to her chest.

"You were seriously preoccupied!" He realized, not really knowing if he should feel scandalized by it.

"Well… yes… and it was fun watching you freaking out." She giggled again, making him irritated. The sleep that had been previously trying to find its way to him got scared away and he knew he was going to be up for a while. "Anyway, time to go! Bye Branchie!" She gave him a loud peck on the lips and happily hopped her way to the elevator.

Branch watched her go, not having any brain cells left to come up with an excuse why she should stay. He really hoped that she wouldn't have any more curiosities like that one, because he didn't know how much he could handle.