A friend of mine recently asked me why I'm so unprofessional in my author's notes at the ending of each chapter (and occasionally the beginning, when I'm feeling especially annoying... Like today, for example smh.) Well, the answer is quite simple. I don't like being professional because I want my readers to know that I'm nobody special, I'm just a 15-year-old kiddo that has no idea what they are doing. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm "normal" because I hate that word (it's a stereotype people are pressured to fit, not an actuality), and because last I checked genderfluidity is not exactly the norm where I come from. I'm just a person, like the rest of you. I feel as though I should let my readers see my normal, everyday personality, and that's exactly why my author's notes are so unprofessional. Thanks so much for putting up with this little rant, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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"What were you two thinking?!"

I winced at the sharpness in Kurapika's voice. He was really angry with Gon and I for taking on Shenka alone, exactly as Gon predicted he'd be. Any angrier and he'd probably start beating us up. To be fair, we completely and utterly deserved it. Had I been in tip-top condition, we would've apprehended Shenka. But I wasn't, so it didn't work out quite like we wanted it to.

"I'm really sorry, Kurapika." Gon said, glancing over at me.

I nodded my agreement. "Mmh. Me too. We didn't mean to scare you guys."

"What on earth would we have done if you'd died like that, you idiots?" now it was Leorio's turn to snap at us. He's the one that had to treat our injuries, after all. "What if I hadn't had my medical kit on me? Or if I had gotten there too late? You wouldn't be here right now for us to be angry with you."

"And that's exactly our point." the blonde jumped in. "We asked you to get us before confronting the criminal for a reason. He's too dangerous for the two of you. Even you, Killua."

"No he isn't." I immediately retorted, glaring at Kurapika. "Don't you ever say that. Nobody's too much for me to handle. I'm a Zoldyck, remember?"

"Ah yes, how could we forget that you're a scary little assassin who just failed to kill a target and got himself injured in the process?" Leorio asked, sarcastically. "Whether you could've handled it or not, you guys still got hurt."

I sighed. These two were impossible to reason with when they were angry. I had a feeling they stuck Gon and I in the same room when they brought us back just so they could lecture us at the same time. They also knew we had no problems with sharing a bed, we'd done it before many times.

Kurapika lectured us for a couple more minutes before getting tired of it and wandering out of the room. Leorio stayed, however, to continue tending to our injuries.

He knelt down beside the bed and took hold of my left arm, which was all wrapped up in bandages. "My god, Killua, I have no idea how you're handling this with a straight face. Whatever Shenka used to cut you with struck bone. If it had been of a stronger material, it might've cut your whole damn arm off."

I shrugged carelessly. "Meh. I'm used to things like that."

A painful image of bloodstained knives gouging holes in my skin flashed before my eyes, but I quickly pushed it away. The torture training I had endured was brutal, but necessary. Now, I was practically immune to all sorts of physical agony. I could resist poison, electricity, whipping, burning, cutting, you name it.

My own brother, Illumi, had taught me with his own two hands how to resist any sort of physical ailment you can imagine.

...Everything except for flowers in my lungs.

I doubted even Illumi knew of Hanahaki disease, wise and intelligent though he was. We Zoldycks aren't exactly familiar with the concept of love or anything related to it, so I didn't think any members of my family knew about this mysterious disease. Had they known, they probably would've taught me to resist that, too. They didn't want a weak heir to their business, and it would be remarkably pathetic if said heir died thanks to a disease caused by love.

They would be so disappointed if they saw me now. Meh, they're probably disappointed anyway. Especially Mother, she's probably crying about my disappearance right now.

"Ne, Killua?" Gon called out, and I realized I had been silent for a long time. Both he and Leorio were staring at me with concerned expressions. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just zoned out, I guess." I shrugged and rolled over onto my side so I was facing Gon.

"Anywho, you two need at least five days away from this mission. You are to stay in bed and do nothing until I give you the okay. Got it?" Leorio slowly stood up, giving us both a stern look.

"Yeah, I got it." I waved him off. "I'll keep an eye on Gon because I doubt he can even fathom sitting still for that long."

Gon grinned and flicked my forehead. "You're not wrong, but you can't say anything because you're the same way. I think I'll be the one who has to supervise you."

I scoffed and tried to flick him back, but he grabbed my wrist and pinned it to the bed, giggling playfully.

Leorio shook his head and clicked his tongue disapprovingly as he left the room, most likely on his way to complain to Kurapika about how energetic and reckless Gon and I were.

"I think Killua should stop putting himself into such dangerous situations." Gon declared, as soon as the older man was gone. "I thought I might lose you, ya know. You shouldn't scare me like that."

"Sorry." I mumbled, grimacing and closing my eyes.

"Nu-uh. You have to do more than apologize. You have to actually listen this time." Gon poked my arm incessantly until I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I hate it when you do stupid stuff because it makes me worry. One of these days you might actually die for reals and I think that's what scares me the most."

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying and failing to come up with a response.

Little does he know I'm dying anyway, and it's not because of my reckless stupidity. How ironic is that?

Gon watched me for a moment before adding, "I'm sorry if that came across as rude. I just don't wanna lose you, Killua. You're too precious to me."

"It wasn't rude." I quickly interjected. I didn't want Gon to go off on one of his compassionate rants again, those always left me blushing and embarrassed. "I just... Don't really know what to say, I guess. I'm sorry I made you worry. I'll try to do better, alright?"

"Hmm. You're amazing, Killua. Is it okay if I give you a hug or will that upset your injuries?" Gon suddenly opened his arms to me, and all the color drained from my face.

I never knew what to do when he offered physical contact like this. If I rejected it to spare myself the embarrassment, he would be disappointed. But if I accepted the offer and let him touch me, I would turn into a blushing, shy mess. I really wished I knew how to properly express my feelings without making a fool of myself.

"F-Fine. Just this once. But be gentle because my chest still hurts from that punch Shenka threw at me." I said.

Gon smiled and took hold of my arms, gently tugging me forward into a warm embrace. As always, my face immediately heated up. I prayed he didn't notice. I hated how stiff and tense I had become, I didn't want to make him think I didn't like what he was doing. Despite the embarrassing blush painting my cheeks, I still really loved being this close to him. It made me feel like maybe my feelings for him weren't all that selfish and far-fetched. Maybe he felt the same way.

Don't be delusional, Killua, you're just friends. You'll never be anything more than friends. Leorio did say that Hanahaki is caused by one-sided love, after all.

I knew damn good and well that what Leorio had really told me was that Hanahaki was caused by what the victim believed to be one-sided love. That didn't necessarily mean the victim's beliefs were right. But I had convinced myself that Gon didn't see me as anything more than a best friend, that he was just generally a physically affectionate person. I didn't want to believe we could be anything more than best friends because I certainly didn't deserve anything like that.

Suddenly uncomfortable, I shifted away from Gon, prying myself out of his grasp. "Umm... Uh..." I stammered out, unsure of what to say.

"Sorry, did I hurt Killua?" Gon asked, apologetically.

"No... I'm fine." I rolled over so I was facing away from him. I really didn't want him to see my blush. If he did, he'd probably panic and think I had a fever or something. "I just... Yeah, I'm okay."

"Hmmm... You don't sound very okay to me..." Gon fretted, but he didn't try touching me again because he understood I didn't want him to. "Are you gonna go to sleep now, or can I keep talking to you?"

"You can talk if you want." I grabbed the edge of the heavy blanket that was tucked around my waist and pulled it up higher, wrapping it around my narrow shoulders. "I might fall asleep in the middle of it, though. You know how I am." I added, allowing a halfhearted smile to cross my face.

"I see... Well, Mito-san sent me a letter just recently. She's doing well, and wants to know if you're in good health. Should I lie and tell her that you're fine? Or should I tell her that you almost lost your arm today?" Gon inquired, giggling as he thought of his ginger-haired aunt.

I had met Mito-san once before, she was the nicest woman I had ever met. But she also didn't put up with much, seeing as she'd raised hyperactive, reckless Gon all on her own. I really did like her, she was such a kind, hospitable lady.

"Tell her I'm fine, I doubt she wants to know all the gory details of my injuries anyway. Most people shirk away from that stuff, they can't stomach it." I waved a hand dismissively.

"Got it. I'm not gonna tell her about my collarbone either because she'd flip out."

My best friend continued to chatter off and on about whatever popped into his head, completely oblivious to the fact that I was slowly but surely succumbing to the warm darkness of unconsciousness. I was exhausted, I really needed some rest. I knew Gon would understand, so I allowed myself to fall asleep to the sound of his lilting, cheerful voice.

-

I was alone. Completely and utterly alone.

But for once, that wasn't a bad thing. I was perfectly content.

The sky was such a deep, pure blue that it hurt my eyes. The sun, big and white, beat down on my pale skin. I was surrounded by tall, lime-green grass. The thin, flimsy blades reached all the way up to my knees, rustling softly as I trudged through them.

Regardless of the fact that the sky was so very saturated it physically pained me to look at it, I walked with my eyes turned upward, completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

I had been wandering in a straight line through this endless meadow for so very long it might very well have been forever. I didn't know why I kept going, but for whatever reason, I wasn't tired. I felt as though I could keep on going until I reached the end of this infinite grassland.

My mind felt blank and fuzzy, as if someone had shoved a bunch of clouds into my brain. But it wasn't a bad feeling. I kind of liked not being able to think clearly about anything.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something, like a tiny piece of my soul had broken off and disappeared. I wanted it back. Maybe I would find it in this meadow.

I kept walking.

Suddenly, the odd sensation of grass brushing against my legs disappeared. I pried my eyes away from the sky, which seemed a lot less colorful all of a sudden, and took in my surroundings.

The tall grass had disappeared. It was almost as if it had rolled itself up like a carpet and vanished without a trace. In its place, there were flowers. Millions upon billions upon trillions of pink tulip flowers. Something about these delicate little blossoms felt painfully familiar.

I stopped walking and bent down to pluck one of the flowers from the earth. It offered no resistance as I broke it off its emerald green stem and held it up to my face to get a closer look.

The flower was so very pretty, I thought to myself, as I turned it over in my hands. Four pastel pink petals curled upward from the stem to form a delicate bulb with a narrow opening at the very top, an opening so small that the sweet pollen within could only be accessed by hummingbirds and butterflies.

Driven by curiosity and fascination, I lightly touched the very tip of my finger to the bulb-shaped flower nestled in my palm, contrasting beautifully against my frighteningly pale skin. The petals were so soft, so silky. I loved the sensation, it was like touching the feather of an angel's wing.

I kept the little flower nestled in my palm and began to walk again. I wasn't sure where I was going or how I would get there, but I couldn't just stand in one place forever.

I walked and walked until the flower in my hand withered, died, and turned into an ashy grey husk tinged with black.

I stopped dead in my tracks, eyes widening with alarm, as I turned the dead flower over in my hand. How did this happen? It hadn't been all that long since I had picked it, surely it should've lasted a little longer than that?

The air had become quite chilly. A freezing cold wind was tearing through the land, howling like a pack of angry, hungry wolves, clawing at any exposed skin with icy talons. I shivered and dropped the flower, wondering where all this nasty weather had come from.

It was at that moment that I realized all the flowers in this infinite field had died. I was surrounded by dry, blackened shells that used to be beautiful pink flowers. It was horrifying in a way that I can't describe.

How had this happened? Was it the wind?

Even with my limited knowledge of flora, I was pretty sure that it took a little more than a couple gusts of cold air to kill a flower, let alone an entire field of them.

Nothing made any sense.

But I kept on walking because there was nothing else I could do.

What used to be gorgeous flowers crunched beneath my feet as I walked. It was a very morbid experience that I don't ever want to repeat.

I kept walking and walking until my feet were bruised and bleeding, and yet I still hadn't gotten anywhere.

Only then did the despair start to set in.

I was lost, I was alone, and all the flowers were dead.

-

A loud thump startled me so badly that the dream tore away like wet paper.

I woke in a strange sort of panic that only comes after a hellish dream. It took me a moment to realize that I was still safely tucked up in bed with Gon and the field of dead flowers didn't exist.

It appeared to be the dead of night. No sunlight poured in through the open window off to my left. Instead, filtered silver moonlight spilled out onto the wooden floor. The room was dark, filled with long shadows that wavered uncertainly. I blinked and rubbed my eyes with my fists, trying to clear away the overwhelming sense of despair lingering from the dream, which was already beginning to fade away in my mind as dreams tend to do after you've woken up from them.

Isn't it strange how dreams automatically erase themselves from your mind, leaving behind nothing except vague, fuzzy memories of places that only exist within your mind?

I felt something warm and heavy that wasn't the blanket draped over my side and pressed against my back. I looked down, only to discover that Gon had somehow gotten his arm around me in his sleep. He was cuddling my back, his hand splayed across my stomach.

Gon had somehow managed to sleep through my rude awakening. He was known to be an extremely heavy sleeper, I often had to beat him with a pillow in the mornings just to get him up. I occasionally liked to tease him by saying he could sleep through a nuclear apocalypse if it ever came down to it.

I winced. How had he managed to curl himself around me like this without waking me up? And, more importantly, how the hell was I supposed to get out of this?

I could feel his warm breath against the nape of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. I wasn't used to close proximity and contact like this, and I'd like to say that it made me uncomfortable, but... Because it was Gon... I hate to admit this, but I liked it.

I don't want to move because the difference in temperature might wake him up, but if I stay like this, he'll wake up cuddled against my back like this and it'll just be awkward.

After wracking my brain for a solution, I came to the conclusion that there was nothing I could do. I had no choice but to remain like this for the rest of the night.

I spent the next half hour staring down at Gon's hand, trying to resist the urge to slide our fingers together. HIs skin was a pleasant light brown color from hours upon hours spent in the sunlight. I honestly thought he had the prettiest complexion, especially when compared to how absolutely disgustingly pale I was.

I decided it wouldn't hurt to return his affection a little bit, even if said affection might have been entirely on accident. I slowly put my hand over his and closed my eyes.

Our hands fit perfectly together, almost as if we had been made for each other.

When I finally managed to fall asleep again, I made it through the entire night without having a single nightmare.

To be continued...

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A/N: The first half of this chapter leading up to Killua's dream was written at 4:15 in the morning during a thunderstorm so I apologize if it's a bit on the sloppy side lolz. The rest of this chapter was written at a much more reasonable hour so it turned out a lot better than the beginning.

Just a smol announcement: I'm working on a HisoIllu fic titled "Frozen to the Core". I'll drop another announcement when the first chapter is available to read! I mostly started writing it because I am lowkey simping for Illumi. Even though he's an antagonist and all that, I absolutely love him because goddammit that child's so beautiful. I've always been attracted to characters with tragic backstories and unique villain complexes, so when I saw a certain Illumi Zoldyck for the first time, I was immediately hooked.

Eyyyyyyy thanks so much for making it to the end of this chapter! Please remember to leave a review on your way out telling me what you thought, and consider checking out my other fics if you have time. Thanks again, love y'all!

-UltimatexAdmin