When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was the fact that Gon was still cuddling my back. Neither of us had moved an inch the entire night. His hand was still draped over my side and splayed across my stomach, and my hand was still resting atop his, our fingers intertwined.

I nearly bolted from the bed when I realized this. Only years and years of assassin training kept me from doing so. My breath still hitched in my throat though, a reaction I couldn't control.

Gon's skin was so warm, so soft. I just wanted to stay like that forever.

But then he shifted behind me and I realized he wasn't as good at keeping his shock under wraps like I was. The moment he noticed how he was holding me, he'd probably panic and I'd have to spend the next hour calming him down and reassuring him that I wasn't mad or anything. In other words, it would be extremely awkward and I wasn't looking forward to it.

But instead of the complete and utter panic I expected, when Gon opened his eyes, he just yawned drowsily and said, "G'morning, Killua."

I nearly choked on my own saliva. "Good... Morning?"

Gon sighed and closed his eyes again, the ghost of a smile touching his lips. "Nope, nevermind. Too tired. I'll try again later." he tightened his hold on me, pulling me flush against his chest.

Needless to say, I turned as red as a tomato.

"B-But... What if I wanna get up now, baka? Did you ever think of that?" I stammered out, mustering up as much dignity as I possibly could.

"Yeah, I did." Gon snickered and actually nuzzled the back of my neck. I shivered violently at the contact and instinctively tried to pull away, but he had a vice-like grip on me. "And I decided that you're just gonna have to deal with it. No arguments."

"Fine..." I mumbled, folding my arms over my chest and trying to ignore how close he was.

Now I was getting a bit uncomfortable. What on earth had brought this on? I had always known Gon to be a bit of a touchy-feely person but this was on a whole new level of weird. I didn't think he was even capable of this kind of thing, seeing as he couldn't take anything seriously.

After debating with myself for a long while, I decided it was totally okay to ask him about all this. He was invading my personal space in a way that was far too intimate to be passed off as a friendly gesture, so I had a right to question it.

"Gon?" I hesitantly called out.

Gon let out a low, exasperated groan from behind me, his warm breath tickling my neck. "Mmmmf. Whaddaya want now, Killua, I'm trying to sleep."

"What the hell is this?" I asked, poking his hand so he knew exactly what I was talking about.

The tan boy was silent a moment before replying, "...It's a hand, Killua. I thought you knew this."

"You know what I mean." I growled and flicked his wrist. "Stop beating around the bush. Why have you been cuddling me all night, huh?"

"Because. I got cold. And Killua's warm. Simple as that." Gon shrugged carelessly. He sounded slightly confused, as if he had no idea why I would ask such obvious questions.

I sighed. He was so difficult sometimes. "Okay, but... Isn't it kind of weird, don't you think? Friends don't usually hold each other like this. This is the kind of thing couples do." Goddammit, I was trying so hard not to friendzone him, but it seemed I didn't really have any other choice, seeing as he did not understand the situation at all.

...Which was truly interesting, given the fact he's the one that put us in this situation in the first place...

"Oh? That's odd, I didn't think of that..." Gon sounded slightly put off as he quickly retracted his arm, relinquishing his hold on me. "But if you thought it was just a couples' thing, why'd you grab my hand? When I woke up, you were holding my hand."

I winced. I didn't have an answer for that. "Go to sleep, Gon."

"Kay." Gon rolled over so he was facing away from me and promptly fell asleep.

I marveled at his ability to not only sleep through everything, but to fall asleep so damn quickly!

I felt the all too familiar agony in my chest suddenly flare up, and knew I had to get to the bathroom before the coughing started. I quickly got up, favoring my injuries, and hobbled my way over to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me as soon as I was inside.

I could feel petals shooting up my throat from my lungs, causing a bright, searing pain to flare up in my esophagus. It was amazing how something so soft and beautiful could hurt so badly as it forced its way out of my body. I had to fight the urge to double over and just vomit it all out.

I slowly sank down to the white tile floor, clutching my throat and gasping for breath. I always felt like I was being buried alive as the flowers made their way out of my throat, it was such a horrible, suffocating feeling. For a single terrifying moment, I couldn't breathe at all. And then the coughing started, finally.

Fingernails digging into my skin painfully, I curled into a little ball and pressed the palm of my right hand against the floor to steady myself as deep, ragged coughs wracked my entire body. My chest was heaving and a bead of sweat trickled down my brow. It was like hell on earth, if ever there was such a thing. This agony, this inability to breathe, it genuinely terrified me because I didn't understand it fully.

How had my love for Gon turned into this?

I had always assumed love was this cliche mushy, perfect mess that happens when you meet someone you are attracted to. Never would I have guessed that love was actually cruel and merciless enough to cause flowers to grow in people's lungs.

I felt a couple flower petals spill out of my open mouth and onto the floor. The tiles felt pleasantly cold against my palm, grounding me and bringing me back to the present. The sharp, metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, overwhelming my senses and making it that much more difficult to breathe.

My eyes were misted over from the unbearable pain, but I could still make out the large blood splatter on the floor, staining the white tiles crimson red.

I felt strangely detached, as if none of this were really happening and I was trapped in a dream. A dream I could never wake from, because this was real.

That's a lot more blood than last time... It's progressing too fast...

Suddenly the coughing returned full force and I doubled over, choking on the petals and the blood that suddenly surged past my throat and spilled out onto the floor. I jammed my eyes shut as tightly as I could and clawed at my throat, rasping from the burning agony. I kept coughing and hacking for a couple more minutes after that, unable to control the way my body was shivering and convulsing.

Finally, it all came to an end.

I sat there for a while longer, trembling violently and gasping for breaths I couldn't quite pull into my lungs.

I coughed up all the flowers... Why the hell is it still so hard to breathe?

Slowly, I cracked my eyes open, afraid of what I would see.

There was a puddle of blood on the floor in front of me, and nestled within it were several pastel pink flower petals. Each and every one of those silky little petals were stained with droplets and globules of crimson, marring their beauty with gore. I winced.

There's so much blood, and there's a lot more petals than usual, too... How long until I'm coughing up entire flowers? And how long until I actually hack up a lung?

My head was spinning, my mind couldn't fully comprehend the scene before me. It seemed my disease was progressing at an alarming rate, which meant I only had two or three weeks left to live at best.

Oh my god, I'm really dying.

Leorio had told me that rapid disease progression was possible. And that was just my luck anyway.

Maybe it was so difficult to breathe because the flowers were slowly but surely beginning to take over the space within my lungs. That would make the most sense, seeing as they couldn't suffocate me to death unless they had completely filled my lungs.

Some small part of me really wanted to burst out of the bathroom and tell Gon what was going on.

I'd wave those bloody petals in his face and tell him about Hanahaki disease, then I'd ask him what I'm supposed to do about it. He's smart, he'd be able to figure something out.

...But I can't tell him.

No matter how painful and severe my disease got, I knew for certain that I absolutely could not tell Gon. He'd seriously freak out if he knew that I was gonna be dead in just a couple weeks, and he'd probably drive himself crazy searching for a cure that didn't exist. He'd be so desperate to save me despite knowing deep down there was nothing he could do.

I didn't want to waste his time and attention like that. It was better to just let him find my body in a couple weeks. If it came as a surprise, he wouldn't have to spend all the time I had left worrying about me.

I did want to spend as much time as I had left with him, though. He was the only person who would really and truly miss me once I was gone, and I knew I would miss him too if there was an afterlife.

I almost hope there isn't, because living forever in some eternal, spiritual realm doesn't seem all that great when you've left your best friend behind to perish with all the other mortals of this world.

I slowly dragged myself to my feet, wincing at the sharp pain in my chest. I cleaned up the mess I had made before leaving the bathroom and curling up in bed with Gon.

The tan boy was still passed out, all wrapped up in the heavy brown blanket, his ebony hair strewn out messily across the pillow. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful with his face relaxed and his eyes closed. I suddenly found myself wishing I hadn't pushed him away so readily when he had his arm around me earlier.

I had a chance to be close with him, to allow myself to pretend we're something more than friends. And, of course, I was stupid enough to waste that chance.

I sighed and buried my face in my pillow, clutching at the cream-colored bedsheets beneath me as hard as I could. My entire body ached from both my injuries and the horrible coughing fit I had just suffered. I wished I could go back to sleep and escape it all for a little while, I felt so very overwhelmed. I longed for the comforting warmth of Gon's arm draped over my side, of his calloused palm splayed across my stomach.

I didn't understand why I wanted to be held so badly. After all, I was supposed to be a trained assassin. In other words, I shouldn't have feelings at all. I should be a blank, emotionless shell. A killing machine.

An image of my eldest brother Illumi appeared in my mind and I winced. He was the living embodiment of the word null. He didn't visibly react to anything, whether it be physical or emotional. He didn't flinch when someone or something hurt him, no matter how grave the injury. He didn't get frustrated when Father called him a disappointment. He just didn't do anything except kill whoever he was told to with cunning precision.

I shuddered and shook the image out of my head. I was glad I hadn't ended up like Illumi. I almost pitied my brother because he had never found a friend and a cause like I had. He was still trapped in the gruesome, lonely life of those unfortunate enough to be born into the Zoldyck family.

I hope my Aniki Illumi finds himself a friend. Someone he can confidently call his own. Maybe then he'll start learning how to be a normal human being with thoughts and feelings.

Still, I was glad I escaped my parents' grasp before I ended up a husk of a human being like my brother had. I was incredibly lucky to have met Gon. He changed my life for the better in too many ways to count. Without him, I was nothing.

Nothing but a murderer.

Later that morning, Leorio came in to change the bandage on my arm. He winced sympathetically when he saw the narrow gash slashed vertically across my forearm, the edges crusted with dried blood. It was quite the ghastly sight.

"You really are lucky you didn't lose your arm, Killua." the ravenette told me, as he spread a healing salve that smelled like fresh herbs over the wound. I barely registered the minute sting the salve caused as it seeped into my torn flesh. "What would you have done without your left arm, huh?"

"The same things I do every day. My brother trained me to fight with both hands individually in the unlikely event that I lose one of them." I shrugged carelessly, it really wasn't that big of a deal. "I'm just as efficient with one hand as I am with both."

"I highly doubt that, but okay. Just know that I'm glad you still have your arm."

"Mmh." I glanced over my shoulder, making sure Gon was still asleep before saying, "Hey, Leorio? I think my Hanahaki disease is progressing really quickly."

"What makes you say that?" the ravenette cocked one eyebrow at me and I winced. This was not easy to talk about.

"Well, it's gotten kinda hard to breathe, and I'm coughing up lots of flower petals and blood almost every day. The coughing spasms are lasting longer and are a lot more painful than when I first started out." I explained, pulling my freshly bandaged arm out of his grasp so I could wring my hands nervously.

"Oh, Killua..." Leorio shook his head and clicked his tongue as if disappointed. "I know you don't want to get the flowers surgically removed, but please consider telling Gon before this gets any worse. I don't want to have to see you suffer like that. The disease gets pretty nasty in its final stages, I've read in a lot of different medical textbooks during my studies that the pain will get so bad you'll be convulsing on the ground. You'll also be coughing up entire flowers, which is a lot more painful than mere petals." he explained, giving me a sympathetic look.

"What, you think I haven't considered any of my options? I'm fucking dying, baka." I snapped, glaring at him defiantly.

"Hey now, no need to get snippy with me. I'm just reminding you that you can't sit around and do nothing or else you're gonna go out in one of the most painful ways recorded in medical history." he stopped slouching, sitting up perfectly straight and looking me dead in the eye from behind his little round glasses, trying to communicate how serious he was about this. "I respect your wishes, and if you aren't gonna tell Gon, then fine. If you want to die, fine. But just know you aren't gonna be able to hide it forever. One way or another he will find out."

I grimaced. The very thought of my best friend finding out I was dying made me feel sick to my stomach. I could already picture the hurt, panicky look he'd get when he realized there was nothing he could do to save me.

"What makes you say that?" I asked, slowly.

"Did I not mention that you'll be coughing up flowers and blood constantly when the disease reaches its climax? On the day you succumb to it and suffocate, you won't get any rest. It'll just be a constant circle of flowers, blood, and unspeakably intense agony." Leorio made circular gestures with his finger to emphasize his words. My eyes lazily followed the round patterns he was drawing in the air. "Not even you can keep that hidden from Gon and Kurapika. Besides, it's quite cruel to try and die without telling them what's happening to you. If they know, they'll be able to mentally prepare themselves for the grief they'll experience once you're gone."

"But Gon..." I cast another wary glance over my shoulder at my sleeping best friend. Gon was perhaps the most beautiful he could ever be when he was completely relaxed like this. "He'll go absolutely crazy trying to find ways to save me. I'm trying to spare him from that. I don't want to have to watch him lose his mind and sink into despair..." I stopped myself just short of adding, like I did.

Leorio seemed to understand and nodded his head, though his sunken facial expression and dull eyes told me he was very sad about this whole ordeal. "You think so highly of him that I doubt I could change your mind even if I tried. But my point still stands. Whether you tell him or not, he's gonna find out. There's absolutely no way to keep Hanahaki disease under wraps forever."

I fell silent after that. There was nothing more for me to say. I knew he was right, and it wounded my pride a bit but there was nothing I could do.

I'd already made up my mind that I was gonna keep hiding it from the others up until it became too difficult and they found out like Leorio said they would. It was inevitable, but I'd do my best to delay it for as long as possible.

"I know that look. You're gonna completely ignore my advice and keep doing what you've been doing, aren't you?" the ravenette gave me a look that implied he was not amused.

My lips twitched upward in something of a mischievous smirk. "Yup."

"Goddammit, Killua. Sometimes I wonder how you made it this far in life, what with how stubborn you are."

"Because. Regardless of what my diseased body and my ridiculous, irrelevant feelings are telling me, I don't need anybody other than myself to stay alive."

To be continued...

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A/N: I couldn't help but notice that this fic is actually emotionally beneficial to be writing. I've been in a lot of excruciating pain lately (I'm in really poor health right now) and it actually makes me feel a little better emotionally to write scenes like the one at the beginning of this chapter, where Killua's coughing up blood and petals in the bathroom hoping nobody else will notice his obvious pain. I'm writing this author's note at 4am because I can't sleep at all, the pain got so bad I couldn't get a single wink of sleep tonight. But, thank to said pain, I am surprisingly lucid so this chapter turned out okay. When I can't sleep at night, writing a new chapter for this fic legitimately helps me. It's a safe way to vent about my own pain. Anyway thanks for listening to this rant XD.

Thanks so much for reading! Please remember to leave a review on your way out telling me what you thought of this chapter, and consider checking out my other fics if you have time. Thanks again, love y'all!

-UltimatexAdmin