Shoutout to WindyQ for the review he/she/they left on my fic recently. It really made me smile. I honestly never thought anything I wrote could be anyone's favorite, so hearing that from one of my readers made my heart melt. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Also, I'm really sorry this chapter took a little longer than usual to post. School started three days ago (I already want to jump off a building, it fuckin sucks) so I got super lazy with my writing because I was too busy stressing over the return of hellish school responsibilities. This means that updates might be a little slower in the future because, although I love you guys, school comes first. I'm truly sorry.
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When Kurapika got back, the first thing he did was come running into my room to check on me. He was all kinds of freaked out. I'm guessing he was still in shock from hearing that one of his beloved children had been coughing up blood and flowers.
He really is like a mother to us.
"Are you okay?" he asked, frantically.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I nodded a couple times.
"Are you sure?" he took my hand and flipped it palm-up, examining the scrapes there. "How did this happen? Gon didn't mention this."
"Because there's nothing to mention. I skinned my hands on some rocks when I fell. It's nothing, I'm fine." I shrugged and tried to pull my hand away, but the blonde had a vice-like grip on me. "Seriously, Kurapika. I'm alright. Really."
"Okay..." he finally released my hand and stood up straight, taking a deep breath as if to calm himself.
"Yeah, see? It's fine!" I insisted.
"Then what the hell were you thinking this time, ya brat?" Kurapika suddenly snapped, and I stopped myself just short of rolling my eyes. I had almost completely forgotten that the aggressive lecturing would come immediately after the worried examining. "I knew you had some sort of coughing thing going on but I had no idea it was this bad! Why didn't you tell us anything??"
I politely raised my hand before speaking. "To be fair, I did tell Leorio."
"And he didn't think to tell me?!" Kurapika whirled around to glare at the open door, where Leorio had been standing for the past two minutes now.
He was probably waiting for the lecture to end so he could come in and yell at me himself, but when Kurapika's gaze landed on him, he was smart enough to turn right back around and leave.
"Hmm. Smart move." I remarked, an edge of grim amusement creeping into my voice.
"Oh, don't think he's gotten away with anything. When I'm done with you, he's in for it." the blonde put his hands on his slender hips and turned to face me again. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "But... I guess I can commend you for telling Leorio. That was the right thing to do in a health situation such as this. What I'm upset about is the fact that neither of you thought to tell Gon and I for whatever reason."
"Okay but I don't have to tell you guys anything. I'm not your kid and you aren't my parent." I reasoned, spreading my hands in a helpless gesture.
"What do you mean?? Leorio and I have practically raised both you and Gon since Gon doesn't have parents and your sorry excuses for parents won't do it themselves!" just like that, Kurapika was yelling again. "We've been taking care of the two of you for years now like responsible adults should. And I understand that you're not gonna want to tell us certain things but for God's sake, Killua, you're dying. I think that merits telling us."
"But you're not our parent." I wasn't sure why I was arguing, I was just digging my own grave at this point. "You're only five years older than Gon and I. What right do you have to tell me what to do?"
"Well, given the fact I could just drag you back to that volcano and return you to your real parents, I don't think you're in a position to be arguing that point." Kurapika folded his arms and glared at me.
"Ha!" I barked a laugh, but the look the blonde was giving me implied I shouldn't remind him I could just kill everyone in this building and vanish without a trace. Easily.
Besides, he knows as well as I do that I can't do that for one reason and one reason alone. If Gon weren't here I probably would've killed them all a long time ago. But they're his friends, which makes them my friends. I wouldn't dare lay a finger on people he considers important.
"No matter what you think, you still should've told us. Nothing you can say will change that fact. This condition of yours is serious, Killua. We have every right in the universe to know about it." Kurapika hissed between gritted teeth, his dangerously low voice jolting me out of my thoughts.
Oh yeah... I'm supposed to be listening. I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes. I really wasn't looking forward to the rest of this lecture.
The blonde kept lecturing me for about ten more minutes before Gon slipped into the room with an amused grin spread across his face. I nearly collapsed with relief, he was my saving grace.
"Alright, Kurapika, I think you've made your point. You might wanna stop now or else Killua's ears are gonna start bleeding." the ravenette giggled as he crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. "We should be talking about more important things right now anyway."
Kurapika's silvery eyes lit up with recognition and he nodded earnestly. "Yeah. You said you talked to Leorio about this whole thing. Did he diagnose you, by any chance?" he questioned, returning his attention to me.
I swallowed hard. This was what I had been dreading. "Well, yeah..." I hesitantly admit.
"What did he say you had?" Gon began wringing his hands nervously. He was just as anxious as I was, but for different reasons.
He's hoping it's curable. I'm so afraid of how he'll look at me when I tell him I'm dying.
"It's this rare condition called Hanahaki disease." I replied, dropping my gaze to the blanket tucked around my waist so I didn't have to look my friends in the eye. If either of them had heard of this condition before, I was screwed. Why? Because I wasn't planning on telling them the entire story. I'd already decided that I was gonna leave out everything about why the disease happened. "It's, uhhh... It's this condition that causes flowers to take root and grow in my lungs... Or something like that..." I explained, hating the way my voice was wavering.
"That's... Odd. I've never heard of anything like that before." Kurapika framed his chin between his thumb and forefinger as he processed this new information.
"Neither have I. But what's gonna happen to you, Killua?" Gon kept shooting nervous glances back and forth between Kurapika and I, as if he couldn't decide who he'd rather look at.
I took a shaky breath before replying, "Well, the flowers are gonna keep growing and growing until there's no room for oxygen in my lungs. I'll suffocate."
Kurapika's jaw dropped open and his hands fell to his sides, fingers curling into tight fists. All the color drained from his face and his eyes went wide. But Gon seemed a lot more... Optimistic. He didn't seem fazed by what I'd just told him at all.
"There's gotta be something we can do to fix it, right?" he inquired, hopefully. "Just tell me what it is and I'll go find it for you! We can make it better... Right, Killua?"
I blinked at him a couple times before slowly shaking my head. "No. There's nothing we can do. I'm... I'm gonna die, no matter what."
Despite the fact I had known I was dying beforehand, saying it aloud still felt like a punch to the gut. It somehow hadn't felt real to me until I actually admitted it to someone else. I wasn't afraid of death, but that didn't mean I was ready to just leave the amazing people in my life behind like that. The knowledge that they'd be completely lost without me broke my heart.
Gon wasn't handling it much better than I was. He just stared at me for several seconds, unmoving, blinking in confusion as if he couldn't believe what he just heard.
"K-Killua... You really... Really should've told us..." Kurapika stammered out, covering his mouth with one hand as tears welled up in his eyes.
"It's not true." Gon blurted out, shaking his head defiantly. The motion caused his ebony hair that defied the concept of gravity to wave from side to side. "It can't be true. Killua's not dying. I won't let him."
"I'm so sorry, Gon." I whispered, pressing my palms over my eyes and dipping my head so I wouldn't have to look at the shocked disbelief on my best friend's face. "I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad because it's not true!" Gon snapped. Kurapika and I both jumped a little at the sudden sharpness in the tan boy's voice. "You're not dying. You're not! There's no way in hell I'm just gonna lose you like that!"
"Gon..." Kurapika said, gently. He took two steps closer so he could lay his palm across the smaller boy's shoulder.
"No." Gon swatted the blonde's hand away, grimacing as if in pain. "I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. There's gotta be something we can do. There has to be something!"
"Look, I know it's a lot to take in-..." I started to say, but he immediately interjected.
"Of course it's a lot to take in! What, did you think I'd be ready to hear that my best friend is dying??"
"Let him speak." Kurapika murmured, firmly. "He knows what he's talking about."
Gon obediently shut his mouth tight and proceeded to stare at me expectantly. For the second time that day, his large, rounded brown eyes sparkled with tears. He was dangerously close to completely losing it.
"Some diseases aren't curable." I said, slowly and tentatively. I chose every word as carefully as possible so I didn't accidentally escalate the situation. "Like the one I have, for example. Sometimes there's absolutely nothing anyone can do. And I know it's hard. Trust me, I know."
"Then why are you so calm?" Gon hiccuped, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Why do you make it sound like this is normal? Aren't you scared?"
"I don't fear death. But the one thing I'm afraid of right now is leaving you guys behind. I don't want that. I want to stay here and keep on living with you like I have been." I shook my head sadly. "But I've never had good luck, so it seems I'm not gonna get what I want this time."
"The universe has not been kind to Killua." Gon sighed and buried his face in his hands. "But... Why? Why do you have to die? I don't want you to die..." his voice broke and he let out a tiny sob, muffled by his hands.
My heart broke a little more at the sound of him crying.
I opened my mouth to reassure him, to tell him everything was gonna be fine, but my voice caught in my throat and refused to come out.
I made Gon cry again. Unforgivable.
"It'll be okay." Kurapika reassured, rubbing Gon's back in an attempt to comfort him. "Somehow or other, it'll all turn out okay."
"No it won't. Nothing will ever be okay again once Killua's gone." Gon retorted, stubbornly. "How are we supposed to go on without him? He's so special to us. To me."
I understood the fact that Gon was too upset to speak to me directly, which was why he was currently talking to Kurapika like I wasn't in the room. So I didn't interrupt. I just watched and waited, like I always did. I knew they'd include me in their discussion when they were ready.
"I know. I'm gonna miss him too. I think we all need to just... Take some time to ourselves and process what's going on. It'll be easier to handle things once we've accepted it." Kurapika suggested, his voice low and soothing. He really was good at talking to people.
"I can't accept it. I won't. Because Killua can't die. He's too important to me." Gon's shoulders began to tremble as he tried and failed to stop crying. "I'm not just gonna let him die. It's not happening."
The blonde sighed heavily and slowly removed his hand from the smaller boy's quivering shoulders. "I understand. Really, I do."
He also understands the fact that Gon is completely in denial. I thought, biting my bottom lip and wincing as a wave of guilt rolled through me. There's no cure, I wanted to scream those three words over and over again until they understood. There's no cure, what else do you expect me to do?
I honestly didn't know what I should be thinking or feeling right now. This whole "dying" thing was new to me. The set of emotions that came with it were absolutely foreign, I had never dealt with them before in my life. It was all so overwhelming and strange. I didn't know what I should be thinking, what I should be doing.
The way Gon and Kurapika had reacted to my illness told me that I should be a lot more upset right now. I should be biting back sobs as tears streamed down my cheeks unbidden. My face should be pale and drawn with shock. I should be trembling with fear and grief. But I wasn't doing any of those things.
Instead, I was sitting perfectly still, like a marble statue, as wave after wave of emotion crashed over me. Each one felt different and more complicated than the last. I didn't understand any of it.
Anger. Fear. Guilt. Pain. Anguish. Misery.
It felt like someone had taken all six of those, mixed them together, and shoved them down my throat. I didn't know what to do with any of it, so I kept it all locked inside of me, choosing to suffer in silence.
But the truly terrifying part of this whole ordeal was the fact that I didn't know why any of it was happening.
Eventually, Gon regained enough of his composure to speak with me again. He gently nudged Kurapika aside - the blonde was still cradling him like a child - and turned to look me dead in the eye.
"Listen, Killua, I'm sure you had your reasons for not telling us. In fact, as soon as Kurapika leaves I'm probably gonna ask you exactly what those reasons are. But I need you to seriously promise me you'll talk to me about these things more often from now on." despite the fact Gon had managed to stop crying, his voice still wavered uncertainly as he spoke. "If you don't want me to tell the others, that's fine. I'll respect that. But you're my best friend, and I want you to be okay. Which means you have to talk to me. Please?"
"I-I'll do my best." I blinked a couple times, considering the request. It wasn't all that unreasonable for a normal person, but I wasn't normal. "You keep forgetting that I grew up in a really strange way, though. I'm not used to talking to people about personal things. Although I'm willing to do my best for you, it's not just gonna happen overnight. I need time to work through my own problems." I added, folding my hands neatly in my lap and taking a deep breath to calm myself.
"That's reasonable." Kurapika remarked. I shot him a warning glare and he fell silent.
"Alright. That's fine. Just please, let me help you. I'm here for you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I'd shelter you from all the bitter, negative things in the world if I could." Gon declared, sincerely.
I blushed and looked away, already beginning to stutter despite the fact I tried to hide how flustered I was. "G-Gon, don't say such embarrassing things..." I mumbled.
"But I mean it. Don't brush this off because I'm being dead serious. You mean the world to me, Killua. No, more than that. The fact that you've gone through so much makes me want to hunt down your family and kill every last one of them." Gon quickly interjected, his sharp tone cutting right through the nervous state I was in. "So talk to me, and I'll do my best to help you sort out whatever it is you need to sort out. I've got your back, the same way you've got mine."
"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll try." I glanced up at Kurapika and frowned. "Why the hell are you still here, Blondie? Don't you need to go lecture your boyfriend or something?"
Kurapika jumped a little, as if startled. "Oh, that's right!" he immediately began hurrying out of the room, shouting, "Leorio! Where on earth have you gotten off to? You're in huge trouble, I tell you! Huge trouble!"
Gon chuckled and glanced sidelong at me, eyes sparkling with amusement. "I'm surprised. I honestly expected him to get all flustered and deny having any sort of romantic correlation with Leorio." he remarked.
I grinned and nodded enthusiastically. "I mean, it's completely obvious that they're totally into each other."
As if on cue, Kurapika suddenly poked his head around the door. "Lie back down and get some rest, you're still feverish. Also, he's not my boyfriend. Watch your mouth, brat." he told me, before storming off to keep yelling at Leorio.
"Sure!" I called after him. The only response I got was a disdainful scoff from the next room over. I decided it would be best to obey, though, and eased myself backward until I was lying face-up, staring at the white, roughly textured ceiling.
Gon waited a moment, as if making sure Kurapika wasn't about to stick his head in the room again, before flopping down on his back and wriggling around like some sort of mentally unstable worm. He flailed about in extremely odd, sporadic motions, getting himself thoroughly tangled up in the bedding, before finally managing to curl up beside me.
"Ta da!" he grinned playfully, and I gaped at him.
"How on earth did you manage to get the entire blanket tangled around your legs like that?"
"I have a lot of experience with squirming around until I'm comfortable and have made an absolute mess of things, y'know. I used to do it just to annoy Mito-san, but wasn't able to shake the habit even after leaving Whale Island to become a Hunter." Gon explained, draping his arm over my chest and snuggling up against me like it was the most casual, natural thing in the world.
Needless to say, I turned six thousand different shades of red in the span of two milliseconds and immediately started trying to wriggle out of his grasp. He just shook his head and clicked his tongue in disapproval, nuzzling his face into my shoulder.
"Stay put, baka. After you scared the shit out of me earlier today, I deserve some cuddles." he said, dryly.
"Fine, sorry..." I rubbed my face with the back of one hand, trying to force myself to stop blushing. If Gon noticed the fact my face had turned a shade of crimson that probably hadn't even been discovered yet, he'd probably flip out because he'd think my fever had suddenly spiked or something like that.
"So, why didn't Killua tell me what was going on?" Gon asked, staring at me expectantly. "I would've done my best to help. You know that, right?"
"Yeah, I know." I replied, quickly. I grimaced and bit my lower lip before continuing. "I just... I really didn't want to upset you. You're really special to me, and, when you're sad, it breaks my heart. I hate it when you cry because it makes me feel like someone's taken a chainsaw and carved a big hole in my chest."
"So you didn't tell me because you knew I would be upset." the tan boy nodded slowly, disgesting this new information.
"Exactly. It's already hard enough for you as it is. You're a Hunter whose father is missing. Right now, you're helping me and the other two track down a wanted criminal because it'll bring you one step closer to finding Ging." I sighed and closed my eyes, temporarily distracted by a distant memory of the tape Gon and I found on Whale Island (the one that Ging recorded for him). Ging's voice had been low and relaxed, as if he didn't have a single care in the world. He was a terrible father, of that I was sure. I took a deep breath before adding, "I can't even imagine how difficult that must be, tracking someone who should've been there for you all your life but wasn't."
"Isn't it weird how we have opposite situations? I'm trying to find my family, while you're running away from yours." Gon exhaled softly and pressed closer to me. "And it is so sweet that you didn't tell me for my own sake. It makes me happy to know you care so much about me, Killua. And I care about you, too. That's why I want to help you so badly."
"I got it. I'm really sorry for keeping secrets from you. Are you still mad at me?" I asked, nervously.
"It's okay!" Gon rushed to reassure me, nuzzling my shoulder affectionately and holding me tighter. "Of course I'm not mad anymore. I can't stay angry with you for longer than fifteen minutes at most because... Well..." he trailed off, suddenly sounding very unsure of himself.
I perked up a little, curiosity piqued. "Because why?" I prompted.
"Before I tell you, you've gotta promise you won't call me embarrassing and try to push me away. It makes my heart ache when you do that."
"A-Alright, fine..." I winced, suddenly afraid of what he was about to tell me.
Does it have anything to do with my delusional feelings for him? Or is it something else? There's no way he could know about my feelings, right?
"Your eyes are so beautiful, Killua." Gon declared, shamelessly. "They're the most deep, gorgeous shade of blue I've ever seen, like two sapphires set into your face. Whenever I'm upset with you, I find it so difficult to stay that way because then I see your eyes and suddenly whatever I was upset at you for doesn't matter anymore. It's like dumping a bucket of ice water on a campfire."
If I wasn't an unimaginably deep shade of red before, I definitely was now. My heart skipped a beat and began jumping out of rhythm, as if trying to pound right out of my chest.
"I... Don't really know how to respond to that. I'm really sorry I'm so awkward. Your eyes are, uhhh... Pretty, too?" I stammered out, willing my voice to stop shaking.
That was real smooth, Killua. I internally kicked myself for being so bad at social interaction. If only Illumi had taught me charisma skills alongside my usual assassin training.
"Mmh, it's okay." Gon nodded happily and his eyes drifted shut. "I'm a little awkward sometimes too. Hey, I'm tired, so I'm gonna go to sleep now. You should rest, otherwise Kurapika'll have your head when he's through with Leorio."
I glanced down at Gon's arm, which was still wrapped around my torso, his hand splayed across my chest.
"Uhhh... Are we just gonna stay like this, then?" I asked, tentatively.
"Yup. And you're not allowed to run away." was Gon's firm response. "Not this time."
To be continued...
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A/N: Once again, i sincerely apologize for how late this chapter was. School threw my writing schedule out of whack, so I figured I'd make this chapter extra long and include some classic GonKillu fluff to make up for it. I hope it was worth the wait, writing long chapters is exhausting (especially when you're already sleep-deprived and recovering from illness like I am. I'm pretty much in the clear though, so y'all don't need to worry about me).
Eyyyyy thanks so much for making it to the end of this chapter! Please remember to leave a review on your way out telling me what you thought of what you just read. Love y'all, see you next time!
-UltimatexAdmin