Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty

by The Cheesebub

Get ready for a season of TD unlike any other! 18 campers from seasons' past return to Pahkitew Island, where they'll compete in the ultimate battle for dominance. Which trait will prevail? Along the way, there's sure to be tons of shocking twists, high stakes drama, touching romance, and of course... DUNCAN! Did I mention Duncan! Your favorite character, Duncan! He's here too!

2. E1P2: Campsite Chaos

Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty

Episode 1 Part 2—Chapter 2: Campsite Chaos

Team Brawn

The Brawns trekked single-file down a thin dirt path surrounded by thick vegetation. Brick brought up the rear, with Eva's unconscious body draped over his shoulders, struggling to keep up. Jasmine walked in front of him, followed by Duncan. Tyler strode in the lead, his chest puffed out with pride, clutching the map and swinging it back and forth with every step. Jo followed right behind the jock, scowling.

"Shouldn't you be reading the map instead of conducting a marching band with it?" she asked. Tyler turned and grinned back at her.

"There's only one way to go, Jo," he explained, pointing down the path. "No need to keep checking the map."

"And you're sure this is the way?"

Tyler winked at her. "Have I ever let you down before?"

"How the hell should I know? I don't know you."

"Of course you don't," Tyler sighed, his voice suddenly filled with deep sorrow. "Nobody does." He turned around and walked onward. Jo stared at him in confusion. She suddenly heard a voice behind her.

"I have a hard time believing you're okay with Tyler being our leader," Duncan said. Jo turned to the ex-convict.

"Trust me, I'm not. And it's not going to stay this way," she grumbled. She shrugged. "But Tyler was persistent. Besides, he seems like he knows this island pretty well. Wasn't he on Season 6, or something?"

"I have no idea. If he was, I wouldn't remember."

"Whatever," Jo said. "We'll put him in his rightful place eventually. But for now, we'll let him have his moment to shine. Just until we get to the campsite. What's the worst that can happen?"

Confession Cam

Jo: Those are the sorts of questions you do not ask on Total Drama. Ever.

End of Confessionals

The Brawn's trek continued, deeper into the forest.

"Ugh…" Brick groaned, his neck straining and his eyes bulging as he trudged along at the back, a few yards behind everyone else. With every step he took, Eva's weight pressed harder and harder onto his spine, until he was nearly crawling across the ground. "The pain… THE PAIN!"

Jasmine turned around, her arms crossed. "All right. You've done more than your fair share of the heavy lifting. It's my turn to carry her."

"N-no!" Brick stammered, straightening his posture. He coughed and lowered his voice. "Um, that will not be necessary, ma'am. You go on ahead. I feel great!" He wheezed in agony, his face turning purple.

"Really. You feel great," Jasmine repeated skeptically, running her eyes over the cadet.

Brick shakily lifted up his hand and gave her a thumbs-up. "Yep! I'm used to this sort of soul-crushing pain. I love it!"

"At least let me help you carry her," Jasmine said, taking a step toward him.

"No way! This is what I've trained for!" Brick insisted. "Go on. I'll be right behind you." He laughed. "I'm actually loving this hike. It's great to be outdoors!"

Shaking her head, Jasmine turned back around and kept walking. She heard an agonized voice behind her.

"AUGH! WHY? WHY ME?! THE PAIN… IT NEVER RELENTS! MY VERTEBRAE ARE IMPLODING IN ON THEMSELVES! AUGGHGHGH!"

Jasmine turned to Brick, exasperated. "Please just give Eva to me!"

Brick grinned back at the Aussie through gritted teeth. "Are you this protective of Shawn? I'm a grown man. I can handle this."

Sighing, Jasmine turned back around.

"IS THIS MY PUNISHMENT, GOD?! HUH?! WHY WON'T YOU JUST KILL ME INSTEAD?! AT THIS POINT, I'D WELCOME THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH OVER THIS LIVING HELL! AUGH!"

Jasmine turned and faced him. "You're done."

"But—"

"That's an order."

Brick stared at her for a moment. Then, without another word, he lifted the tranq'd bodybuilder off of his back and handed her over to Jasmine.

Confession Cam

Brick: I never should've told Jasmine my trigger word. (He groans.) Why can't I ever disobey an order?!

Jasmine: There's absolutely extra pressure from being on Team Brawn. We all feel like if we show any weakness, we'll stick out from the group. That's why you have Brick carrying all 100 kilograms of Eva by himself in the back… Tyler acting like he's Christopher Columbus up front… Nobody wants to look they aren't contributing.

End of Confessionals

Duncan strolled along in front of Jasmine, spinning his pocketknife around his finger and whistling.

Confession Cam

Jasmine: Except for Duncan, that is. The only hard work Duncan has done is lugging around his ridiculously heavy coat of plot armor.

End of Confessionals

Jo continued to follow closely behind Tyler, her eyes trained at the ground. Suddenly, her face smacked into bright red spandex.

"OW!" she cried, clutching her nose. She looked up to see that Tyler had stopped right in front of her. "What's the holdup, jockstrap?"

Without a response, Tyler took out the map, and examined it closely. Jo tried to look over his shoulder, but his head blocked her view.

"Did we make a wrong turn?" she asked. "Is this not the right trail after all?"

"Nah, we're good so far," Tyler assured her. "We're just at a crossroads, according to the map. Gotta decide where to go next."

"Dude, that makes no sense," Duncan said, having caught up. "There's only one way to go. And that's forward."

Tyler laughed and looked up from the map, his eyes glinting. "That's where you're wrong, my friend. We need to go left!"

Duncan and Jo both looked over to the left side of the trail. There was nothing but bushes and trees. Duncan and Jo glanced at each other. Then Jo turned and took a step towards Tyler.

"Give me the map," she ordered, her arm outstretched.

"No time," Tyler said. "Follow me, everyone!"

"No! Stop!" Jo yelled, trying to grab Tyler by the shirt. However, the jock evaded her grasp and walked off the side of the trail, disappearing into the thickets. "Damn it!"

Jasmine and Brick approached, with Eva now slung across Jasmine's shoulders.

"Where'd Tyler go?" Jasmine asked. Jo silently pointed off the trail, which still had an indent where Tyler had climbed through the bushes. Jasmine's eyebrows rose. "He went through there? Why?"

"He thinks that's the way to our campsite," Duncan said.

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Brick grinned, taking a step towards the side of the trail. However, Jo's hand held him back.

"Nope. No way. We are not following Tyler anymore. He had his chance, but he obviously can't read a map to save his life. I say we cut our losses and keep going straight." Brick frowned at her.

"We have to have faith in our teammates, Jo," he said. "Faith is what will propel our troops to greatness!" He placed a hand on his heart. "I trust Tyler. I know he will lead us to our destination. We just need to believe in him, so that he can believe in himself!"

"Oh, I believe, all right," Jo said. "I believe he has absolutely no idea what he's doing!"

"What makes you think that?" Brick asked.

Suddenly, there was a rustling behind them. The four Brawns turned around to see Tyler climbing out of the bushes on the right side of the trail, covered with leaves and twigs.

"All right, guys! I found another trail!" he shouted behind him. "Man, those people need to keep up. They're slower than my paraplegic grandma!" He turned back around and saw his teammates staring at him. The jock did a double take. "What the…? How'd you guys…?" Then he realized he was back where he'd started. "Ohh. Heh heh. Whoops. Don't know how that happened." He checked the map, frowning. Then he laughed. "Ohhh. Looks like I took the wrong patch of sketchy, unmarked bushes." Tyler got up onto the trail, and pointed at a grove directly adjacent to the previous one he'd climbed through. "I needed to go through that patch of sketchy, unmarked bushes. How silly of me!" Chuckling, he disappeared off to the left side of the trail once more.

Jo turned back to Brick, her arms crossed. The cadet shrugged.

"What? He made an honest mistake, admitted it, reflected on it, and rectified it. Leadership qualities through and through."

Jo was about to retort, but Jasmine placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I feel just as uncomfortable with this as you do, Jo. But there's not much we can really do. Tyler has the map. We have to follow him."

Jo sighed. "Guess that's true. Until I get that map back from him, we have no choice." She shrugged. "At least I sort of feel like we've made some progress. At the very least, we've progressed towards deciding who's going home first. And I'm sure we're doing way better than the other teams."

---

Team Beauty

"Hey look! There's our flag!" Topher yelled. "I can see it through the trees! We made it!" His teammates all cheered as they broke out from the cover of the forest and into the sunlight. They stopped at the edge of their campsite and gazed out at their new surroundings. Everyone's eyes slowly widened as they took it all in.

"Am I… am I dreaming?" Justin gasped.

The Beauties stood on a tropical beach, with swaying palm trees and white sand. The ground sloped slightly downward towards the clear, turquoise water, which sparkled in the sunlight. Sticking out of the sand near the water was the team flag, billowing in the breeze.

"You ain't dreaming, Justin baby," Anne Maria said. "We're in paradise!"

"Oh, Winston, I knew you could do it!" Dawn cried with joy, turning around to face her dragonfly friend. However, Winston was nowhere to be seen. "Winston? Where did you go?" She looked around. "Did any of you see Winston?"

Sugar raised her hand, glancing off to the side. "Uhh… yeah. I did. He flew off real fast once we got here. Told me he had to go, uh… pick up his dragonfly cousin from the dragonfly airport."

"Hmm… that's odd. I do believe you, Sugar. But why do I still sense Winston's presence?" Dawn proclaimed. "I feel as though he is still nearby! How strange!"

"Yeah… heh heh… guess you must be havin' a paranormal typo or somethin'," Sugar said, shrugging. Suddenly, she burped, and a dragonfly wing flew out of her mouth. She frantically grabbed it and hid it behind her back before Dawn noticed.

Confession Cam

Sugar: What? I was starvin'! And I know food is gonna be scarce out here. You gotta find sustenance if you wanna survive. And you know what? That dragonfly was delicious. Could've used some mustard, but I ain't gonna be picky.

End of Confessionals

The Beauties took off their shoes and began walking down towards the water. Topher shook his head in disbelief as he picked up a handful of the sand, which fell through his fingers like heavenly dust.

"I… I don't even know what to say. Chris really threw us a curveball this time around, and I thought I had the man figured out. I was expecting our camp to be in a ravaged toxic wasteland, or on top of an active volcano, or next to a cave of vicious, man-eating cyborg bears," he sighed. "But putting us on a private tropical beach where there are no imminent dangers? I must say that I'm severely disappointed." He turned to a camera attached to a nearby palm tree. "C'mon, Chris! Give us something to work with. Are the waters shark-infested at least? Or perhaps the beach is also home to a sizable and STD-laden homeless population?"

Justin scowled at him. "Stop it! Why are you trying to ruin everything, you masochist?" He addressed the palm tree camera. "Don't listen to him. Our campsite is perfect, Chris. It could use a few more mirrors, admittedly, but I can make do with the 17 of my own that I brought."

"Weren't those mirrors in your suitcase? The same suitcase that Chris blew up?" Topher asked.

Justin stared at him. Then he groaned. "DAMN IT!" He quickly reached inside his waistband, felt around for a second, and pulled out a hand mirror. The model held it up and admired his reflection. "Good thing I always come prepared." Anne Maria, meanwhile, continued to absorb her surroundings.

"Oh my gawd… look at this place! It's gorgeous! I mean, it ain't no Jersey, don't get me wrong… but still!" As she got closer to the water, her eyes lit up. "It's like a photo magazine cover! I can't take it anymore! I gotta put my feet in that ocean!"

Anne Maria sprinted past Topher and Justin down the beach, squealing with excitement. However, right as she reached the team flag, she tripped over a large wooden crate and flew forward, face-planting in the sand. Sugar burst out laughing. Anne Maria rose to her knees, groaning and adjusting her hair.

"What the…?!" She looked back at the crate in confusion. "Where did that come from?"

Justin walked over and examined the box. He noticed a slip of paper with writing sitting on top of it, and picked it up. "There's a note from Chris." He turned around to face his teammates. "Which one of you wants to read it?"

Dawn approached, cradling a wounded turtle she'd found. "Why don't you read it, Justin?"

"I can't," Justin said. He pointed to one of his eyes. "I'm a professional eye model. Don't want to strain my precious corneas with something so trivial as 'reading'."

Topher grinned. "You're an eye model? That's awesome! I've actually been thinking of getting into the eye model industry myself. Heard it's real cutthroat, though. Think I have what it takes?" Justin glanced at over Topher's eyes and cringed.

"Yeah… with those ridiculously asymmetrical retinas? I'm afraid not. You better give up that dream," he said, handing Topher the note. Topher sighed dejectedly, and then began reading.

"Ahem… 'welcome to your new home, Beauty team. As I'm sure you all already know by now, this tropical beach is very beautiful, like you. And now you may be thinking I've accidentally dropped you into an all-expenses paid vacation rather than a competition show. But do not be mistaken. You are still in the wild, and the wild is a dangerous and unpredictable place. The weather may be pleasant and sunny right now, but that can change in an instant. You will have to work together if you wish to survive out here. You will have to hunt and forage for your own food, build your own shelter from scratch, and make your own fire. This crate contains something that will prove crucial to your survival. Use it wisely. Good luck. Your host, Chris Mclean'." Topher lowered the note and glanced at the crate. "Hm. Sounds like we better open this." He noticed a machete in the sand and picked it up. "Guess we need to use this machete to—"

Topher was cut off as Sugar pushed him out of the way and ripped the top of the crate clean off, before peering inside. The pageant queen instantly gasped. She reached inside, scrounged around for a second, and held up a bikini top.

"We got SWIMSUITS!" she screamed.

Justin sprinted over. "Swimsuits, you say?! But are they extremely skimpy and revealing?!" He stuck his head inside the crate, looked around for a moment, and screamed. "By God, they are! WE'RE SAVED!" He pulled out a zebra-pattern thong. "I call dibs on this one! No wait, that one!" The Beauties all crowded around the crate in excitement, except for Dawn, who stood back.

"Um… while I too am appreciative of the underwater garments, I am not sure how they are crucial to our survival," the moonchild pondered.

Justin turned to her, swimsuit in hand. "You've obviously never seen me in a thong." He turned back to the others. "I say we put these on and get in the water! Who's with me?" Everyone cheered in response.

"You are such an innovative thinker!" Anne Maria swooned. "How do you come up with these ideas?"

Justin shrugged. "Really, I just let the idea come to me."

"Wow! I never thought of it that way!"

Dawn giggled nervously and glanced at the sun. "Don't you all think it would be wise of us to heed Chris's advice and try to build a shelter?"

Anne Maria scowled at her. "Are you crazy? We just got here! And you already want us to get back to work? We walked for like 15-20 minutes! At a slight incline! In heels!" Justin suddenly placed a hand on her shoulder.

"No. She's right," he said, and smiled at Dawn. "You bring up a good point, Dawn. It would be aggressively stupid and downright ignorant of us to spend the rest of the day swimming and lazing around when we still don't even have a shelter built."

Dawn smiled. "Why, there's no need to phrase it so harshly. But yes. Once the shelter's built, I'm sure there will be plenty of time to enjoy the beach tomorrow."

"You and I are on the exact same page," Justin said. "In fact, we're even on the exact same paragraph of the exact same page. Maybe even the exact same letter."

"Great! I'm so happy to hear that, Justin. So, how do you want to get started? We have five people here, so if we… wait a minute." Dawn frowned and quickly scanned her teammates. "Where's Alejandro?"

"Yeah… we sort of left without him," Topher sighed. "I noticed and tried to tell you guys, but nobody paid any attention. The man straight up disappeared."

Dawn gasped. "Oh my! That simply won't do! We have to find him!"

"Agreed," Justin said. He patted her on the back. "Would you like to go look for him?"

"Absolutely! Our team needs to be full strength, after all. Maxwell and I will search the forest up and down!" Dawn assured, smiling down at the turtle in her arms. She glanced back up. "But what about the rest of you? Don't you want to come along?"

"Oh believe me, I do. I yearn to find my good friend Alejandro with all my heart. But there's still a shelter to be built. And as you said, that should be a priority," Justin said. He beckoned to the other three. "I'll delegate tasks to these knuckleheads, and we'll get to work while you're gone."

Dawn nodded. "All right. Sounds like a plan. Hopefully I shouldn't be long!" With that, she ran off into the woods. Justin watched her leave, smirking ever so slightly.

Confession Cam

Dawn: Wow! That went a lot better than expected. I never thought my team would be so receptive to my idea! It's all thanks to Justin, really. And here I was, thinking we wouldn't get along. He's actually a really sweet and genuine guy! (She shrugs.) His aura, on the other hand… well, that's a different story. But I'm sure I'm just getting a bad read.

End of Confessionals

Justin turned to Topher, Sugar, and Anne Maria.

"Okay, team. Ready to get to work on the shelter?"

Topher raised an eyebrow. "Wait… you were serious? I thought you just went along with it so that she'd go away."

"Why would you think that? Is it because this beach is amazing and she wants to ruin it?" Justin asked. "Of course not! We need a shelter, people. It's absolutely essential. So let's build one." He put his hand to his chest. "As leader, I will delegate tasks. The three of you… stay here and do nothing. I'll be back in a moment."

Justin walked towards the edge of the forest, over to a patch of bushes. Bending over, he scrounged around for a few seconds, and picked up a stick. He walked back over to where his teammates stood and threw the stick down onto the sand in front of them.

"There. Shelter built," Justin declared, wiping his hands off on Anne Maria's shirt.

Topher stared down at the stick, before glancing up at him. "You're joking, right? How's that going to protect us from the rain? Or anything? It's just a stick!"

Sugar picked up the stick, examining it. "Or maybe it's a magical wizard wand!" She eyed Justin. "Are you friends with the Wizard?"

"What on earth are you talking about? No. I don't know anyone named the 'Wizard'. What do I look like, a nerd?" Justin scoffed. "No. I am its very antithesis. My very existence serves to counterbalance the expanding force of 'nerd' that pervades and erodes our society. Now put the stick down and let me explain." Sugar examined the stick for a few more seconds, before dropping it.

"Sure looks like a wizard wand to me…" she muttered. Justin picked up the stick and addressed the others.

"Now, Dawn told us to build a shelter," he said. "But she didn't give us any specific instructions. When you think about it, we could've interpreted 'build a shelter' any number of ways." He pointed to the stick. "Case in point. This is our 'shelter' that we 'built', because we were not given proper guidance."

Topher scratched his head. "Okay… I get what you're trying to say, but I really don't think Dawn will buy that story. We'd have to be complete idiots to think that a single stick could be used for a shelter."

Justin smirked back at him. "Dawn already thinks we're all idiots. We just need to reinforce that perception." He glanced at Sugar. "Shouldn't be too hard for some of us." Sugar glared back at him.

"I HOPE for your own livelihood that you ain't talkin' bout ME, honey," she growled. "Cuz I'll be more than happy to land your face a modelin' gig with my FIST!"

"N-no! Of course not!" Justin quickly backtracked. "I, uh, was talking about…uh… somebody not named Sugar."

Sugar stared at him for a moment, before she laughed. "Ohhhhh. I was gonna say! Well, that makes a lot more sense."

"Yeah," Justin said, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Anyways, look at it this way, guys: we can now relax on the beach for the rest of the day, doing absolutely nothing, at no cost whatsoever. I don't see any negatives here. We might even gain a few sympathy points from Dawn when she pities us for our stupidity. It's a win no matter what."

Topher glanced at the ground. "I don't know…"

"There you go!" Justin grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. "You're already getting the 'stupid' act down."

"No…" Topher murmured. "…I'm thinking that maybe we should build a shelter. It might actually be a good idea."

Justin rolled his eyes. "Why? We can just sleep out in the open. I'm not worried. There's not a cloud in the sky."

"Maybe so… but Chris did tell us to always expect the unexpected."

"Chris can't change the weather in an instant. The man is not that powerful. Maybe back when this show had a bigger budget, but not these days," Justin said. "We'll be fine."

"But—

"Dude. Seriously. Look at where we are. We're in the middle of a f**king Hawaiian paradise. I am extremely good looking. Nothing can go wrong," Justin insisted. "And yes, I feel perfectly comfortable making that statement, fully aware of the potential ironic repercussions later on." The model tossed Topher a bathing suit. "Now put that on and relax." He held up a bottle of sunscreen. "And while we're at it, who wants to lotion my back?" Anne Maria dove at the bottle before he'd even finished the sentence.

Confession Cam

Justin: People underestimate me. They think that I'm only here for the brand recognition. And while it's true that my designer thongs have not been flying off the shelves as of late, that has nothing to do with why I came back. (He takes a deep breath and bites his lip.) I'm doing this for the children. You see, I recently visited a children's hospital in Vancouver. No, it had nothing to do with trying to sell my line of designer thongs. Why would you think that? That's sick! It was out of the kindness of my heart, obviously. Anyways, I learned at the hospital that there are thousands of kids around the country who are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives. Never to walk again. (His eyes grow watery.) So many of these kids think that just because they have a staggering and frankly insurmountable disability, they can't succeed in life. Well, I'm here to prove to them that they can. I will be their torchbearer, their symbol of hope. I will show them and the world that you can win this game without having to move a muscle.

End of Confessionals

---

Campfire Area (Team Brains)

Courtney continued to argue with Chris over the missing map, while the rest of her team had retreated.

"You can't rig the game against us like this! It's just wrong! It's unfair! It's unjust!" she cried.

"Don't care. Don't care. Don't care," Chris responded.

"Wow. Really mature, Chris. Maybe you should care, given that this is your show. How do you think this is going to come across on TV?"

"You really think this is making the final cut?" Chris laughed. "In case you weren't aware, every episode is a highly edited product, Courtney. And guess who edits it? Me. I control how everything comes across on TV. I already have your team's narrative ready to go. The so-called 'Brains' manage to lose their map on the first day! Talk about humiliating!"

Courtney suddenly lunged forward and grabbed the host by his shirt collar.

"WHERE IS IT?! YOU HAVE TO BE HIDING IT SOMEWHERE!" she shouted. The C.I.T. thrust her right hand into his pocket, digging around inside.

"GAH! Stop it!" Chris yelled. "This is assault! This is rape! THIS IS RAPE! I'M BEING VIOLATED! SOMEONE HELP ME!"

As Courtney continued to search Chris, the rest of the Brains stood around the logs.

Scarlett sighed. "You know, I had a feeling that Chris would hold a bias against us because of his insecurity over his own intellectual shortcomings, but not to this extent."

"Courtney's certainly not helping the situation," Heather muttered.

Scarlett shrugged. "It might work. I wouldn't put it past Chris to just be hiding the map in his pocket."

"But what if Courtney can't find it? Then what do we do?" Cameron asked worriedly. "How will we find our campsite?"

"According to my calculations… we won't," Scarlett sighed.

"Do we really need a campsite?" Harold asked. "As long as we have each other—"

"Shut up, Harold," Heather said. She turned and glared at Noah, who was still sitting on a stump and reading his book. "Any input from the Reading Rainbow over there?"

Noah didn't look up from his book. "I think we should devise a strategy."

"What strategy?"

"A strategic strategy."

"Wow. Great insight." Heather scowled. "Now can you provide some insight into how a useless prick like you ever got a girlfriend?"

"Yes, please!" Harold exclaimed, nodding enthusiastically. "The success and longevity of your relationship with Emma is truly inspiring to me. I'd love to hear some dating wisdom from a fellow nerd. I myself am in the midst of a complicated romantic situation, and your advice would be truly—"

"No! Stop!" Heather interrupted. "It was a rhetorical question!" She turned to Scarlett. "Come on. You must have some idea. Didn't you, like, memorize the entire layout of this island back when you went psycho?"

"I did. But the island has been vastly reconfigured since then, most likely to prevent a similar incident," Scarlett said. She shook her head. "I am as lost as you are. It would seem like there is no way for us to reach our campsite without the map." She paused for a long time. "But… perhaps we should consider the fact that someone must know where our campsite is. After all, someone put our flag there."

Heather stared at her. "So…?"

"So… perhaps there is a way to… retrieve that information from said someone," Scarlett said, glancing at Chris.

"But who would that be?" Heather asked, puzzled. Scarlett stared at her.

"Umm… I'm not sure," she said, glancing more forcefully at Chris. Heather followed the genius girl's line of sight. Her eyes widened.

"Of course!" Heather gasped. She grinned at Scarlett. "I know what to do."

Scarlett smiled back. "That's great! What's the plan?"

Confession Cam

Scarlett: It is not in my best interest to seem intellectually competent at this point in the game. As Chris has explicitly proven, intellectual competence threatens people. And it is imperative that I do not come across as threatening so early on. So when I have an idea, I will not express it. Instead, I will lead someone else to the same conclusion, and make him or her think that they came up with the idea. Given the raging wildfires that are my teammates' egos, that should not be a difficult task.

End of Confessionals

Courtney toppled backward to the ground, her hair tousled, groaning. Chris took a defensive stance as she slowly stood and rolled up her sleeves.

"Okay… so the map's not in your pockets… but there's plenty of other places I can check," the brunette growled, cracking her knuckles ominously.

Chris stared at her in horror, before frantically running his hands over his body. "C'mon… where the hell did I put that tranq gun?!"

Courtney was about to lunge at the host when Heather suddenly stepped in front of her.

"Get out of the way!" the C.I.T. snarled, but was ignored.

"Hey there, Chris," Heather warmly greeted the host. "How's it going?"

"What do you want?" Chris muttered, brushing himself off.

"Just came here to let you know that we figured out our campsite's location."

Chris raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?" He feigned shock. "Wow, Heather. That sure is impressive. What'd that take you guys, two minutes? You'd think that would be impossible. But I totally believe you, Heather. Just tell me: how ever did you manage to accomplish such a feat?"

"Yeah! And without me?" added Courtney, confused.

"We just put our heads together as the Brains and came up with a solution," Heather said. "Like you suggested, Chris. You can be skeptical all you want. But it won't change the fact that we now know our camp is at the base of the cliff."

Chris stared at Heather for a moment. Then he shrugged, smirking. "As host, I can neither confirm nor deny your statement."

"Actually, I got that wrong," Heather said. "It's by a swamp."

Chris simply shrugged, his smirk persisting. "This isn't going to work, Heather."

"No, wait. It's on a beach."

Chris shrugged again.

"It's in a cave."

Chris shrugged again.

"It's along the river."

Chris started to shrug again, but then suddenly stopped. "Huh? The river? No. No, it's definitely not there. Don't go there."

"So it is along the river," Heather concluded. She shook her head. "C'mon, Chris. Did you really have to give it away so easily? I was hoping for a little more of a challenge than that."

Chris stared at her in shock.

"Way to go, Heather!" Courtney cheered, before clamping her hand over her mouth in embarrassment.

"Well, guess that settles that. Better go tell the others," Heather said, and began to walk away. Chris suddenly jumped in front of her, blocking her path.

"H-hold on! I'm serious!" he cried. "Your campsite is not by the river! Why aren't you listening to me?!"

"Hmm… well, it may have something to do with the fact that you've explicitly sabotaged our team up to this point," Heather noted.

"'Sabotage' is a strong word, Heather."

"And an accurate one."

"'Accurate' is a strong word as well, Heather."

"Are you going to move or will I have to test how accurate my foot is at kicking you in the balls?"

Chris threw up his hands. "What do you want? Do you want a confession? I'll give you one! Yes, I've sabotaged your team up to this point. But this? This is no longer sabotage. This is the truth. If you go to that river, disaster will strike upon not just yourselves, but all of us. Innocent lives will be lost. Children will be fed to the flames of the—"

"Please, Chris, just shut the f**k up. You've lost. It's over."

"You know what? Fine!" Chris snapped. "Go to the river. See if I care! I promise you that your camp won't be there. You'll look so stupid for not listening to me. Everyone… will… uh… think you're… stupid people!"

"Oooh… how threatening," said Heather sarcastically. "But I think we'll take our chances." She pushed past Chris, followed by Courtney. Chris watched them walk over to their teammates and begin telling them the information. The host slowly clenched his fists, staring at the ground.

"Well…" he murmured, "…it appears my plan backfired. I've been outsmarted. The nefarious teens have won. But… they forgot one important fact." He slowly reached into his pocket. "Chris Mclean can't be outsmarted…" He pulled out a walkie-talkie. "And he won't be outsmarted!"

The TV personality pressed a button on the radio and barked into the receiver. "Chef! Chef, do you copy?"

There was no response. The host hit the button again. "Chef! Answer me!"

Still no response. "CHEF!"

After four more attempts, Chef finally responded. "Yeah? What?"

"Ugh, finally," Chris groaned. "Why didn't you respond the first time? Do you think you're too cool for me? Obviously, given that you still haven't added me on Snapchat. Do you not realize how absolutely fire my snaps are? But that talk is for another time. Stop whatever you're doing and go to the river right now. Once you're there, find the spot where you put the Brains flag. I want you to take that flag and move it to another location. Preferably an obscure and faraway one. But it really doesn't matter where. Throw it in a dumpster, for all I care. In fact, a dumpster would be ideal. Just make sure it's somewhere that the Brains can never, ever find it. Got it?"

Chris received no response. He brought the walkie-talkie up to his mouth. "I said, got it?!"

There was a long pause. Then, Chef's voice came out the other end. "Yeah, I got it."

"Good. That's what I like t—"

"But I ain't doin' it."

"…What?"

"You heard me. I ain't doin' it! I'm busy."

"Busy? Busy doing what?" Chris asked, flabbergasted. "Frying some random dead animal? Being emotionally repressed? You have plenty of time for that during the rest of the day! This is an emergency!"

"If it's such an emergency, Chris, move the damn flag yourself."

"Just tell me what you're doing that's so important!" Chris cried. The host suddenly paused, listening to the speaker. He slowly frowned. "Wait. What's that in the background? Is that… tropical music?"

The camera switched to Chef's walkie-talkie and slowly zoomed out, revealing that the cook was laying in a sunbathing chair on the beach, wearing swim trucks and holding a martini glass. Lying in a chair next to him was Justin, who held a martini glass of his own. Chef tossed the walkie-talkie down onto the sand. Then he glanced over at the model.

"Sorry about that… I had to answer. That fool wasn't gonna stop calling me until I did. I hope you don't—"

"No no, Chef," Justin cut him off, holding up a hand. "Don't apologize. You are my guest. And thus, you are free to do as you please. I think you dealt with Chris in a very respectable manner."

"Thanks, man," Chef sighed, and leaned back in his chair. "And thanks again for letting me chill here with you guys. The lord knows I needed a break."

"Oh, don't thank me, Chef," Justin insisted. "You're more than welcome to come to our beach whenever you want. In fact, between you and me, I already consider you an honorary member of Team Beauty."

Chef gasped. "Really?"

"Of course! You fit right in with us. I've never seen a better-looking 70-year-old." Justin paused, and glanced over at Chef. "You're 70, right?"

"Uh… somewhere around there."

"Well, let me be the first to say that you've aged incredibly well," Justin said. He beckoned to Chef's chest. "I mean, just look at those pecs! They're huge! What's your secret?"

Chef shrugged, blushing. "Oh, you know… I flip a lot of burgers."

"Flipping burgers, you say?" the model asked, to which Chef nodded. "Wow. Ingenious! Absolutely ingenious. Have you ever thought about marketing your workout routine to a broader audience?"

"No. I haven't," murmured Chef. His eyebrows suddenly shot up. "Are you suggesting…?"

"Absolutely," said Justin. "This is potentially a million-dollar idea you've got on your hands here, Chef. Think about it. Who's looking for new workout routines? Fat people. And how do you get fat people interested in your product? You make it involve food. With your workout, they won't even have to change their schedule. The morbidly obese will be clamoring for spatulas by the thousands!"

"You really think so?!" Chef cried.

"Chef, I know so. I may seem like just a model, but I'm also a seasoned entrepreneur. Have you heard about my line of custom designer thongs? I know a thing or two about business." Justin placed a comforting hand on Chef's shoulder. "Chris thinks your ideas are worthless, Chef. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about how he can profit." He beckoned around them. "But here, in Justin Land, your ideas will always be valued, if not celebrated."

The camera panned over to Topher, sitting in a beach chair next to him with his eyebrow raised. "'Justin Land'?"

Justin glanced at him and shrugged. "Tentative name that I gave to this place. Obviously, I'm still open to suggestions, but I think it has a nice ring to it." He turned back to Chef. "Anyway, we can talk more business later on. But for now, let's just enjoy the afternoon." He held up his martini glass. "To good friends, new beginnings, and most importantly, being beautiful."

Chef held up his glass, grinning. "What you said!" The two clinked their glasses together.

The walkie-talkie, which was now half buried in the sand, lit up. Chris' voice crackled from the speaker. "Hey! That better not be the sound of martini glasses being clinked without me! Chef, you tell me where you are right now or you can say goodbye to your paycheck!"

Chef ripped the remote out of the ground and yelled into the receiver. "The only thing I'm saying goodbye to is you not valuing my ideas!"

"Um… what? What does that even mean?"

"Exactly! Case in point, Mclean! You don't understand me! But Justin does. He's the only one."

"…What?! You're with Justin right now? Chef, I told you, you're not supposed to—"

"You can't tell me what to do anymore! I'm gonna be a millionaire!" Chef screamed, before rearing his arm back and tossing the walkie-talkie as far as he could. It splashed down into the ocean and sunk beneath the surface of the water with a glug.

"Chef?! Chef!" Chris shouted into his receiver, but was met with nothing but gurgling static. "Damn it!" The host hurled his walkie-talkie at nearby a tree in frustration. However, it richoted off the trunk and slammed into his crotch. "AUGH!" He keeled over and collapsed to his knees, groaning in pain. Gritting his teeth, Chris glanced over at the Brains, who were in the midst of planning their departure.

"I believe our best strategy would be to find the river head and follow it from there," Cameron said. "That will undoubtedly take us to our campsite!"

Scarlett nodded. "Indeed. That would be the logical assumption. Excellent idea, Cameron."

"But where is the river? Does anyone know?" Courtney asked. Harold placed a hand on her shoulder.

"It's not far from here at all. About a quarter of a mile to the west," he said.

Courtney glared at him suspiciously. "And why do you know that?"

"I was actually on the lookout for a river from the moment I arrived," Harold explained. "After all, rivers are the best spot for my martial arts training. Practicing my skillz near such an impressive body of water allows me to connect with the deepest spirits of nature and harness the—"

"Okay, I didn't care that much," Courtney interrupted.

"Well, either way, we need to go," Heather said. She pointed toward the sun, which was beginning to sink towards the treetops. "There's three more hours of daylight left at the most."

"Yeah… and that could be a problem," Scarlett noted. "Assuming my recollections of last season are still accurate, the river here spans nearly the entire island. If our camp is located at the other end of the river, we will have to walk a considerable distance before we arrive. It will likely be dark by then, and we still won't have a shelter built."

"Well then," Noah said from his seat on the log. "I hate to say it, team, but it looks like we'll just have to camp here for the night instead of trekking out into the middle of a forest filled with things that will eat us. What a shame." He returned to reading his book.

"Not necessarily," Scarlett said. "There could be a faster way to get there."

"Do you have an idea, Scarlett?" Cameron asked.

"No… but maybe someone else does. I'm sure there's another solution. We just have to think. How can we utilize our surroundings?" Scarlett's teammates stared at her blankly. "Anyone?" The awkward silence continued. Scarlett sighed and pushed her glasses up the brim of her nose. "Well… to start, the river here flows at a rate of nearly 20 miles per hour." The others continued to stare. Scarlett sighed again.

"...Therefore, if we were to build a vessel that could harness the flow of river, we could travel at triple, or even quadruple, the speed as that of walking." She paused. Still nothing but stares. "…The problem is, I don't know what that vessel would be and how we would construct it. The only useful resource in this area is wood. What is something that we all can ride, that floats on water, and is made out of wood? I am truly stumped."

After another long silence, Courtney slowly raised her hand. "What about a raft?"

Scarlett gasped. "A raft! That's it! We can build a raft!" She beamed at Courtney. "Amazing! How did you come up with that?"

The brunette shrugged, smiling. "Well, I am a C.I.T."

"Oh, give me a break. She literally spoon-fed you the answer," Heather said, rolling her eyes.

"And yet somehow, I was the only one to figure it out," Courtney retorted.

Heather scowled back at her. "Whoop dee doo. Do you want a medal? Don't forget that we wouldn't even know where our campsite is if it weren't for me."

"There is no need to argue, ladies," Scarlett said, stepping between them. "You both have contributed to the team. But now is the time for action. It's getting quite late."

"Agreed," Courtney said. She turned to the others. "Okay, everyone. Here's the plan. I want the five of you to head to the forest and collect wood for the raft. Meanwhile, I'll go to the craft services tent and look for rope to hold it together. Let's meet back here in 10."

The words had barely left her mouth before Harold had already dashed off in the direction of the forest, sprinting as fast as he could. Cameron and Scarlett glanced at each other, before following after him. Heather left next, but not before pointedly glaring at Courtney. Noah, however, remained sitting on the log. He had just turned a page in his book when Courtney walked over to him, her arms crossed.

"'Everyone' happens to include you, Noah."

"Look, Courtney, I'm not doubting your leadership abilities here or anything, given that you've never acted like an irrational person in the past," Noah said without glancing up. "But do we really need five people just to collect wood? Seems like a waste of resources. How about I stay here and man the fort while you all are gone?" Courtney snarled viciously at him. "Okay, okay! Never mind, then."

Shaking his head, Noah stood up and began walking toward the forest. Courtney watched him leave, before taking off toward the craft services tent.

Nobody noticed the figure lurking in the shadows, watching their every move.

Confession Cam

Noah: Believe it or not, I actually do want to win this season. Sure, I may not be putting in the most effort towards achieving that goal right now. (He shrugs.) For some strange reason, I've found it difficult to gather the motivation. (He taps his chin.) Wild guess, but it may have something to do with the fact that my girlfriend is busy pursuing her masters law degree, while I'm busy pursuing a check that will make me her slightly less pitiful D-list celebrity househusband.

End of Confessionals

---

Beauty Beach

"Ahh…" Justin sighed. The gorgeous teenager floated on his back among the clear blue waves, the sun kissing his chiseled face. With a kick of his legs, he floated over to Chef and Topher, who sat in the water with him. "Tell me, gentlemen. And be honest. Could this be any more perfect?" He beckoned around. "Warm water, tropical setting, martini glass in hand… the only thing that's missing from this scene is an overlaid track of my name being repeated seductively."

"Do you want me to go get one for you?" Chef asked eagerly.

"No no, that's quite all right," Justin said. "It'll be tough, but I think I can manage without one for now." He slowly closed his eyes and drifted away. Topher, meanwhile, stared at the water sadly.

Confession Cam

Topher: Our campsite is wonderful. My teammates are nice and I get along with everyone. I'm very happy and at peace with the current situation. (He groans.) And it SUCKS! Where's the Total Drama that I know and love?! The one where nobody ever has any fun and everyone hates each other? Is it gone for GOOD?! What have you done, Mclean?! (He pounds his fist against the Confessional wall in anguish.)

End of Confessionals

Topher was broken out of his depressed trance by the sound of Anne Maria's voice calling towards them.

"Heyo!" The Jersey girl now stood on the beach, having changed into a bright pink bikini. She strutted forward and posed, grinning. "How do I look in my new swimsuit?"

Topher gave her a thumbs-up. "You look grea—"

"I'm not talkin' to you!" Anne Maria snapped. "I'm talkin' to Justin!" She waved to the pretty boy. "Hey Justin! How do I look?"

Justin glanced over at her. He paused before speaking.

"Hmm… how do I phrase this? You look like you could, potentially, after a few drinks, pass for the funhouse mirror reflection of a girl I would associate with."

Anne Maria gasped. "That's the nicest thing anyone's evah said to me!" Suddenly, a large hand slammed into her face and shoved her out of the way.

"Quit hoggin' the camera. It's my turn on the runway!" Sugar declared as she stepped forward and posed. Justin, Topher, and Chef's eyes widened in horror at the sight.

Sugar wore a teal bikini that was way too small for her, stretched taught against her skin. It shuddered mightily as it attempted to contain her massive form.

"What do y'all think?" the pageant queen asked, pursing her lips. Chef, Topher, and Justin remained speechless. Sugar glared at them. "Hello? I ain't got all day! Gimme your scores, judges!" The three males all glanced at each other, before turning back to Sugar.

"Umm… it's certainly… graphic," Topher said, forcing a smile.

"That ain't a score, dumbass!" Sugar yelled. "I need a number from 1 to 10!"

The guys glanced at each other again. "Umm…"

"A. NUMBER. FROM. 1. TO. 10!"

"T-ten!" the trio frantically stuttered.

"Aww… thank you! Y'all are too kind!" Sugar giggled. Anne Maria got up, scowling.

"I got a foot that's about to give you a score of its own, bitc…" She trailed off as she noticed Sugar's bikini. "…Oh my God. Where the hell did you get that?"

Sugar crossed her arms, smirking. "Jealous? I found it at the bottom of the crate, hidden under all the other swimsuits. Waitin' just for me. Like it was destiny, or somethin'!"

"Destiny for you to traumatize all of us, maybe," Justin muttered. Sugar whipped around to face him.

"You wanna say that a little LOUDER, buddy?!" she yelled. The model frantically shook his head and ducked underneath the water. "That's what I thought!" Sugar turned back around to face Anne Maria. "Anyways, this swimsuit is officially mine. And little piece of advice: you do not want to take what belongs to Sugar. Uncle Jed learned that lesson the hard way when he tried to steal my favorite shovel."

"Wait," Anne Maria said, as a thought suddenly dawned on her. She glanced at Sugar's bikini again. "Does that thing have a label?"

Sugar shrugged. "Not that I've noticed." She thought for a moment. "Actually, there was one that I ripped off. It said that this bikini is made from 100 percent all-natural industrial hemp. Not like I have any idea what any of that hippy dippy gibberish means."

"Welp, that confirms it," Anne Maria said. "That's not your swimsuit."

Sugar glared at her. "Whaddaya mean, this ain't my swimsuit? Are you deaf? I just said that it's mine!"

"I mean it belongs to someone else!"

"Oh really? And who the heck would it belong to?" Sugar pointed at Chef. "Him? Because I really don't th—wait a minute. What is he doin' here, anyway? Is anyone gonna explain that?" Chef sheepishly waved back at her.

Anne Maria shook her head. "No, Sugar. That's Dawn's swimsuit."

Sugar stared at her in confusion. "Dawn? Is that someone I'm supposed to know?"

"Oh God, you're right!" Justin gasped. "No wonder it's so small on her!"

"Seriously! Who is Dawn?!" Sugar demanded.

"She's the really creepy pale girl that we're all scared of," Topher answered.

"Ohhh. Her! Yeah, I remember the creepy girl," Sugar said. She looked around. "Where'd she go, anyway? Haven't seen her in a while."

"She went to go look for Alejandro," Anne Maria said. "And because she isn't here, you musta taken her bikini by accident. Anyways, better change into the right one before she gets back, huh?"

Everyone else nodded enthusiastically at this prospect. Sugar, however, shook her head.

"No way! It took me forty-five minutes to squeeze into this thing. Not to mention an entire SWAT team of interns and eight sticks of butter. You think I'm takin' it off now? No chance! This bikini is stayin' on for the rest of the game if Sugar can help it. I don't care if it's cutting off the circulation of all my major arteries!"

"But… what about Dawn?" Anne Maria pointed out, as the others frantically nodded. "I bet she won't be happy that you stole from her. Do you really want to see how she reacts? She'll probably turn you into a tree or somethin'!"

"Nah, Dawn'll understand. She knows I'll give it back to her once I'm done," Sugar said. "Besides, what I'm doin' is perfectly normal! Us pageant girls used to lend each other our clothes all the time during competitions. Admittedly, the clothes were usually laced with some form of deadly poison, but that's a trivial detail."

Topher swallowed deeply. "But what about, um—

"Just give it UP already!" Sugar groaned. "You can't stop me, people. I'm keepin' this on. So I recommend that y'all get used to this sight, 'cause it's all you're gonna be seein' for a very long time." Sugar then grabbed a beach chair, slammed it into the sand, and sat down in it with her arms crossed.

Everyone stared at her silently as her words sunk in.

Confession Cam

Justin: Well, it appears I will no longer have a viable career as an eye model. (He pauses.) At least, not once I've removed my eyes from my skull and set them on fire.

(Static)

Anne Maria: Uggh…. I cannot STAND that Sugar girl. We're supposed to look at that for the rest of the competition? UGH! And just when I thought this season wouldn't suck! Bitch has to stroll out a beach bod constructed outta children's nightmares!

(Static)

Sugar (wearing Dawn's bikini): Yeah, I know this swimsuit is way too small for me. And I know it makes everyone super uncomfortable. (She grins evilly.) But that's just all part of my advanced strategy. Everyone was gettin' along too well for Sugar's liking, you see. There ain't no fun in that. But now that I'm wearin' this out in the open, everyone's on edge. Eventually, that will lead to paranoia. Paranoia will lead to fightin' between team members. Fightin' will lead to chaos. And once there's chaos, Sugar will take control! (She laughs.) That's right. I'm always one step ahead of the competition.

End of Confessionals

Time passed at the Beauty beach. Sugar had fallen asleep in the beach chair, snoring loudly. The rest of the Beauties and Chef, meanwhile, relaxed in the ocean, though a stifling tension remained in the air. Justin sat in the shallow waters facing away from the beach, while Anne Maria massaged his shoulders.

"See, Justin? If you face that way, you can't see her at all," she soothed.

"I can still hear her. I can still feel her," Justin shuddered. "That's all it takes for the PTSD to start up again." He threw his hands up. "I didn't even know you could get PTSD from something that happened five minutes ago!"

"If you want, we could try to force her to take it off," Anne Maria offered.

Justin shook his head. "No way. That requires us to see her once she's taken it off. With nothing on. Do you want that?" He shook his head again. "No, our best strategy is to just vote Sugar off the first chance we get. All in favor?" Everyone, including the cameramen, raised their hand. Justin nodded with approval. "Good. I'm sure Alejandro and Dawn will be on board too once they bear witness to the horror."

Suddenly, a cluster of bushes near the forest began rustling, and faint voices could be heard. Topher raised an eyebrow.

"Wow. Talk about convenient timing. Sounds like they're back."

Justin quickly turned to Anne Maria and Topher. "You two remember the story we're giving them, right? We're complete idiots who thought a stick would serve as a viable shelter, and that's why we've spent the afternoon doing nothing."

Chef, who floated nearby, frowned at this. "Uh, that doesn't sound very believable, man."

"What do you know?" Justin snapped. "You're a chef, not an architect. Stay in your goddamn lane."

The bushes rustled for a few more seconds, before a figure stepped out onto the beach, brushing leaves out of their hair. However, it was neither Alejandro nor Dawn, but rather Tyler, holding a map and wearing a backpack. The jock slowly looked up from the sand, and gasped when he saw the team flag planted near the water.

"We made it, guys! We're here!" he shouted behind him. Cheers erupted from the forest, and the rest of the Brawns walked out from under the canopy. Jo came first; followed by Duncan; then Brick; and finally Jasmine, lugging Eva's body on her shoulders. Everyone gasped as they looked around at the beach.

"This is incredible!" Jasmine exclaimed, dropping Eva's body in the sand next to her. "This place is actually our campsite?!"

"Indeed it is, Jasmine," Tyler said. "Indeed it is."

Duncan gazed out at the water. "Hmm… you know, maybe coming back for a fifth season of this show wasn't the absolute worst idea." He shrugged. "I mean, it'll still be a shameful secret that I'll have to hide from everyone I know in real life, but hey, this beach seems pretty legit."

As the team continued to marvel at their surroundings, Jo walked over to Tyler.

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this. I never, in a million years, thought these words would come out of my mouth unless they were entirely sarcastic." The female athlete paused. "But well done, Tyler. You did it." She laughed. "And here I thought you were a complete tool who had no idea what he was doing and would get us all lost. But damn it, you proved me wrong."

Tyler smiled back at her. "I know you had your doubts, Jo. But still, you gave me a chance. That's all I wanted. And thanks to that chance that you gave me, I was able to help the team accomplish something great today. And now, I can only hope that I have proven myself worthy to be considered a part of your team."

"You have, Tyler. You have," Jo said, smiling back at him. She suddenly shook her head, scowling. "Okay, this scene is getting way too Disney." She turned to the others. "Let's get a move on, people!"

The Brawns started walking down the beach towards the water, with Tyler leading the way. They still didn't notice the Beauties sitting in the ocean, watching them in confusion.

"You know, I've never actually been to a tropical beach before. Never had the chance," Brick said as they walked. He shook with excitement. "But now that I'm here, there are so many things I can't wait to do! Like playing in the sand, and collecting seashells, and gathering flowers, and..." He trailed off as he noticed Duncan staring at him. He coughed and lowered his voice. "And, erm, digging holes. And shooting things. With my gun. And having testosterone."

"Not to worry, Brick," Tyler said, grinning back at him. "All of those activities and more will be available to you here at Tyler Land." Noticing his teammates' raised eyebrows, he shrugged. "Just a tentative name I gave to the place."

Confession Cam

Tyler: Yeah, I was a little cocky at that point. Could you blame me? I'd gone from not having a place at the table, not even being allowed in the room in which the table was located, to sitting at the head of the table in a diamond-studded throne! Finally, after all my painstaking efforts, I had garnered the respect and adoration of my teammates. Nothing could go wrong.

End of Confessionals

Tyler continued to stride forward towards the water, his chest jutting out with pride.

"I'm the best! I'm the best! I'm the best!" he sang to himself. Suddenly, he collided with Sugar's beach chair and tripped over her sleeping body, face-planting in the sand. Sugar snorted and snapped awake.

"Huh? Whosat? Jesus?" she sputtered. The pageant queen rubbed her eyes, looked forward, and saw Tyler lying spread-eagled in the sand in front of her. She screamed and jumped out of her chair. "You ain't Jesus!" Tyler turned around at the sound of her voice, saw Sugar, and jumped back in fright.

"What are you doing here?!" he cried, and then covered his eyes. "And where are your clothes?!"

"Um, excuse me? I'm wearin' a swimsuit, moron!" Sugar snapped.

Tyler peered through his fingers, his eyes squinted. "…That's supposed to be a swimsuit?"

"Yes it is, technically," Justin answered from the water. "It just happens to leave nothing to the imagination. And in this instance, the reality is far more disturbing than anything your deepest, darkest psyche could ever muster."

Tyler whipped around to face him, his eyes wide in shock. "What the…?! You're here too?!" He suddenly noticed Topher and Anne Maria. "And you guys?!" He noticed Chef. "And you?!"

"Uh, yeah," Anne Maria said. "We've been here a while now."

Tyler frantically turned back to his teammates.

"This is a code red emergency, people! Our campsite has been invaded by Team Beauty! And Chef!" He pointed towards the water. "They think they can get away with this just because they're beautiful, but they cannot! Their crime will not go unpunished!" He turned back to his team, his fist raised. "Now is when we must come together as the Brawns, and fight to reclaim what's rightfully ours! Let us gather our troops and—"

"Yeah, I hate to kill your super inspiring rallying cry," Justin said, "but this is our campsite."

Tyler dropped his fist, and slowly turned around to face him.

"…Huh?"

"You heard me." Justin said. He pointed at the team flag, which had the Beauty logo. "See?" Tyler stared at the logo in shock. Justin chuckled. "Man, how do you screw up so badly with directions that you end up at another team's camp? How does that even happen? No wonder you people aren't on the Brains team."

Tyler continued to stare at the flag, looking completely shell-shocked. "No… it can't be…"

"It is, buddy," Justin said, smirking. "Oh, and just for the record, this place is called 'Justin Land', not 'Tyler Land'. I already purchased the legal naming rights."

"Seriously?" Topher groaned. "You didn't even consult us on this?" Justin turned to him, hands on his hips.

"You had plenty of opportunity for input beforehand, Topher. Besides, what would have been your grand idea?"

"You could've at least made it something like 'Justin and Topher Land'…" Topher muttered, looking away.

"That is a hideous name. I'm very glad I left you out of the creative process," Justin said.

"But wait… even if this isn't our campsite, how did you guys get here so fast?" Jasmine asked, frowning.

Justin turned back to her. "By using our brains, obviously. We happen to have them. Unlike you guys, there is so much more to Team Beauty than a label that Chris gave to us. Sheathed beneath an admittedly beautiful exterior is a collection of complex, sophisticated individuals with bold hopes and revolutionary dreams." He beckoned around at his team. "We are not just models. We are poets. Scientists. Politicians. Philosophers. Dreamers. Our aspirations are grand and our talents extensive." He glanced to their right. "Please stop eating that beach chair, Sugar."

Sugar stopped gnawing on the back of her chair and eyed him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because one, you look like a complete idiot, and two, you look like a complete idiot."

"You're just sayin' that because you want to eat this beach chair all by yourself!" Sugar growled. "I know your tricks. Well, find your own!" She then picked up her chair and ran away.

"God, I cannot wait to shoot her out of a cannon," Justin muttered to himself. He turned back to the Brawns. "Anyways, getting back on topic, you people have five minutes to get lost. Although given what I've seen, that probably shouldn't be too hard for you guys." He nodded at Chef, who hit a button on a boombox sitting in the sand. Tropical music filled the air once more, and the Beauties returned to chatting amongst themselves.

Tyler stared forward, his eyes still wide with shock. Turning around, he was immediately confronted by the glares of his teammates. The brown-haired teenager forced a laugh.

"Heh heh… oops."

The glares persisted. Tyler slumped his shoulders and sighed.

Confession Cam

Tyler: Yeah… something went wrong, as it turns out.

End of Confessionals

---

Campfire Area (Team Brains)

One by one, the Brains returned with the wood that they each had gathered for the raft. Scarlett and Cameron both carried respectable piles in their arms as they chatted about something science-related. Heather had a significantly smaller pile, while Noah carried only a couple of sticks, which he tossed down onto the heap with one hand while reading his book with the other.

Courtney sat on a stump, clutching a long piece of rope. She nodded with approval at the wood heap that had formed.

"Excellent work, team," she said. "That's actually more wood than we need."

Noah put a hand to his mouth. "You don't say?"

Courtney scowled back at him. She then frowned and looked around. "Has anyone seen Harold?"

Suddenly, there was a loud groan from the edge of the forest. Everyone turned in the direction of the sound and saw Harold pushing a colossal mountain of wood towards them.

"Oh boy," Heather sighed.

Harold grinned and gave them a thumbs-up, before continuing to push the mountain forward, panting heavily. After five minutes, he reached the edge of campfire area. After another five minutes, he reached his team members.

"Finally," Harold wheezed, leaning against the mountain of wood, trying to catch his breath. This caused the entire tower to wobble and sway to the right, before it tipped over with a groan and crashed down onto the existing woodpile with an earth-shattering thud. The nerd wiped his hands off with satisfaction and turned to his team.

"That should be sufficient," he declared.

Heather stared at the sea of wood in disbelief. "To do what? Build a f**king civilization?"

Harold shook his head. "No, Heather. We're building a raft, remember?"

"I think what Heather is trying to say is that, in your enthusiasm to help the team, you may have gathered more wood than was necessary, Harold," Scarlett explained.

"Nonsense!" Harold laughed. "There's no such thing as too much wood."

"Yes there is," Heather said. "We literally have too much wood right now."

"Maybe so. But not if we want our vessel to be the pinnacle of innovation," Harold said, crossing his arms. "Do we not have any pride in our craftsmanship? Do we not value the—?"

"No we don't," Courtney said. "We just want a simple raft."

"Um, speaking of which… you guys might want to see this," Cameron called out. The bubble boy stood at the campfire area entrance, staring down at something. Everyone walked over to him.

There, sitting on the ground, was a raft. It was twelve feet long and six feet wide, built with perfectly symmetrical logs that had been lined up and tied together with rope. Courtney stared at it for a long time, before slowly turning to Cameron.

"Has this… has this been here the whole time?" she asked him.

"No. It definitely wasn't there when we left," Cameron said. "I just noticed it now."

"Okay, so who built this?" Heather asked. "It has to have been one of us, right?"

"That would be the logical assumption," Scarlett said.

The Brains looked around at one another. Nobody said anything.

"I don't know why someone would build this and not want to take credit for it," Courtney muttered. "I know I would."

Noah held up his hands. "Okay, okay. You got me. I'll admit it."

"Yeah, nice try, Noah," Heather said, rolling her eyes. "We're not idiots."

Noah shrugged. "It was worth a shot."

"But who on this team could it have been?" Cameron pondered. "We all were out in the forest collecting wood this entire time."

"True," Scarlett said. "That is an important observation, Cameron. It leads me to believe that someone else built this raft and left it here."

"But who would do that?" Courtney asked, perplexed. "And why?"

"I bet it was Chris," Heather said, scowling. "He's probably trying to sabotage us again. The raft will probably fall apart while we're in the water. Or blow up. I say we toss it."

Scarlett frowned and picked up the raft, examining it.

"I don't see any explosives, Heather," she said. "And it holds together excellently. Not only that, it's also an ideal size for 6 people, and its shape is conducive to optimal velocity. This is, for all intents and purposes, the perfect raft."

Everyone was silent for a long time.

"...Maybe it was God," Noah said.

"Don't be silly, Noah," Harold scolded.

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that wasn't even a funny—"

"This raft is obviously the work of Suijin, the Japanese god of water," Harold said, interrupting her. "Suijin must have given us this raft as a gift, to help us traverse his sacred domain without awakening the other water spirits!"

"Wow! That sounds like a really plausible explanation, Harold," Heather gasped. She paused. "Oh wait. No it doesn't, because the rest of us aren't batsh** crazy weeaboos."

"I'm not a weeaboo! GOSH!" Harold snapped. "I just appreciate the culture! And yes, I'll admit that I do enjoy the occasional Hiyao Miyazaki film. And yes, maybe I do own a small assortment of strictly recreational anime cosplay outfits. And yes, I might think that everything about the Western world sucks and that Japan is the only country with true moral values and I hate my life and the society into which I was born and I wish with all my soul that I could be Japanese. But that's it!"

"Whatever, Harold. This raft still wasn't given to us by 'Suicide' or whatever his name was."

"Suijin! UGH! Your ignorance is just so GOSH!"

"Does it really even matter where it came from?" Noah asked. "It's a raft. It works. Most importantly, now we don't have to build one. Let's just chalk it up as one of this show's countless continuity errors and move on."

"I agree," Scarlett said. "I personally think we should head to the river and try the raft out." She turned to Courtney. "Only with your approval, of course. Given that this whole raft thing was your idea, and not mine." Courtney paused for a moment. Then she sighed.

"This is all extremely sketchy, and I have a really bad feeling about this." She shrugged. "But let's do it." She turned to the rest of the team. "Okay, team! We're headed to the river. Please, don't get lost on the way there."

With that, the Brains began their trek into the forest. As they made their way forward, Harold walked up next to Heather, carrying the raft.

"You know, there's still time to ask Suijin for forgiveness for dishonoring his name."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious! You should really apologize to him. I wouldn't want you to have to face Suijin's wrath. Did you know he's also the Japanese god of fertility and motherhood? So if he wanted, he could totally, like, wreck your ovaries so that you'd never be able to have kids and stuff. That'd suck, y'know? I know Alejandro would be disappointed. He wouldn't have anybody to continue the esteemed Burromuerto name, unless he abandoned you to seek a more fertile partner. Which would be a real possibility. So it's in your best interest to…" Harold trailed off as he realized Heather had already walked ahead of him.

"I'm just trying to help!" he called after her, before pushing the raft up on his back and hurrying forward.

A quiet, looming shadow followed closely behind.

Confession Cam

Courtney: As a C.I.T., I hate not knowing the answer to something. It seriously pisses me off! Damn it! I NEED to know where that raft came from! AUGH! (She takes a deep breath.) But as long as nobody else knows the answer either, I can at least find some solace. (She grits her teeth.) Key word being "some".

(Static)

Harold: Yeah, the Japanese gods are awesome. You've got Fujin, the god of wind and the eldest of the major kami. There's Amaterasu-O-Mi-Kami, the goddess of the sun. You can't forget Hachiman, the god of war. Gotta give a shout-out to Omoikane, the god of wisdom and intelligence. Not to mention like a hundred other deities. (He shrugs.) And yeah, I'm sorta lowkey friends with them. Not gonna lie. Okuninushi even follows me on Tumblr. But whatever. No big deal. It's chill.

(Static)

Noah: Huh? Do I know who gave us the raft? No. I have no clue. (He shrugs.) But why should I care? Sure, it's weird. But everything on this show is weird. A randomly materializing raft ranks pretty low on the list of weird sh**, to be honest. Like, we still haven't even addressed why we only have four fingers. That would be a much better starting point.

End of Confessionals

The Brains now stood on the rocky bank of a wide river, watching the water as it rushed past with a deafening roar. They squinted their eyes as they were hit with a sharp spray of mist.

"Wow… the current's a lot stronger than I expected…" Cameron murmured, wiping off his glasses.

Heather sneered at him. "Awww… is wittle Cameron scared?"

"N-no! Of course not!" Cameron stuttered. "I already broke every bone in my body last season. This is nothing." He took a deep breath. "Let's do this!"

"There's just one problem," Courtney said. "How the heck are we all going to get on the raft?"

"Someone could hold the raft in the place while the rest of us climb on," Scarlett suggested. Harold immediately strode past her, carrying the raft.

"Say no more! You have the man for the job," he declared. Courtney stopped him before he could reach the water.

"Hold on," she said. "Are we even sure the raft can hold all 6 of us? What if it sinks?"

"That is a reasonable concern, Courtney," answered Scarlett. She held up a piece of paper. "However, I ran some calculations on the way here, and I can safely conclude that the raft will support our team's weight with significant carrying capacity to spare. This appears to be a rare instance in which the minimal combined mass of our male team members will prove to be an advantage rather than a hindrance."

Noah glanced at Harold and Cameron. "Damn, guys. I think she just dissed us."

"All I can say is thank God we don't have Leshawna. We'd be at the bottom of that river in three seconds," Heather said. She turned to Harold. "No offense."

Harold shook his head. "Oh, it's fine. Leshawna and I went our separate ways long ago."

"What?" Cameron gasped. "Really?"

"I'm afraid so. LeHarold is no more. Or do the fans prefer Harshawna? Guess it doesn't matter anymore," Harold sighed. "And for so long, I thought Leshawna was the one. She was everything I'd dreamed of. The yin to my yang. The Spock to my Captain Kirk. The mirror to my Justin. But alas, our love was simply never meant to be. She broke my heart and left me for another man, ending our relationship for good." He paused. "I mean, technically we were never together, but still… it was like ten thousand kicks to the kiwis. If my kiwis were my heart."

"Pure poetry," Noah said. Harold nodded solemnly, gazing down at the river.

"Well, Harold, if you ever need someone to talk with about your feelings, Heather is always available," Courtney said. She turned to Heather, smirking. "Right, Heather?" Heather scowled back at her.

"I appreciate the offer, Courtney," Harold responded, smiling. "But I've moved on. It's been a year. I just have to accept the fact that my dear Leshawna will always be the one that got away. I can't continue to let my past heartbreak hold me back from pursuing love." He placed a hand on his heart and gazed up at the sky. "And I believe I've finally found it again!"

Courtney beamed at him. "That's great, Harold! Any girl would be lucky to—"

"I knew the moment I saw her arrive this season."

"—If you're talking about me, I will kill you."

Harold shook his head. "It's none of the ladies on this team." Scarlett, Courtney, and Heather all sighed with relief.

"Then who is it?" Cameron asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harold shook his head again, blushing deeply. "I've already said too much."

"I agree," Heather said. "Whenever you want to stop talking, feel free. I don't know when or how this turned into the 'let's all psychoanalyze Harold's love life' segment of the show, but it better never happen again."

"Well, I happen to be enthralled by Harold's love life," Courtney countered. "I could listen to him talk about it for hours. But oh well. I guess that's just the bond that he and I share."

"Wow! Thanks, Courtney!" Harold beamed.

Heather, meanwhile, stared at the C.I.T. in disbelief.

Confession Cam

Heather: Look, I know that Courtney and I are both trying to pander for alliance members. But there is a line that you do not cross. (She throws her hands up.) You do not tell Harold to keep talking! What is she THINKING?!

End of Confessionals

"So, should we get going?" Cameron asked.

"Yes, that would be ideal," Scarlett answered. She turned to Harold. "Whenever you're ready, Harold."

"I was born ready!" Harold declared. Raising the raft high above his head like a surfboard, the nerd sprinted forward and lunged through the air. He landed with a giant splash in the river, and the water instantly went up to his chest. Harold looked around in surprise, still holding the raft above him.

"Whoa. That's a little deeper than I expected."

"You know, you really didn't have to jump in," Scarlett pointed out.

"What are you talking about? This is incredible!" The geek laughed, watching as the water rushed past his torso. "I've never felt more connected with Suijin! I can feel our individual reikis merging into one!"

"That's disgusting," Heather said. Harold lowered the raft onto the water and pushed it toward the shore.

"Okay, guys! Hop on!" he shouted over the roar of the river.

One-by-one, the Brains climbed onto the raft, with Cameron up front, Scarlett and Heather sitting right behind him, and Courtney and Noah sitting in the back. Finally, Harold grabbed onto the front of the raft and pulled himself up, soaking wet. With Harold no longer holding it in place, the raft shot forward, buoyed by the river's current.

The Brains cheered and high-fived as they watched the riverbank disappear behind them.

"Remember, Brains: we're on the lookout for our team flag!" Courtney called out from the back. "If you see it, let us know."

"And if you see a crocodile, bop it on the nose!" Harold added. He paused. "Well, unless it's with an extremely valuable object, of course. Then the crocodile will most likely ironically swallow said object."

"Is that the only stupid piece of advice you know?" Heather asked, rolling her eyes.

Confession Cam

Heather: *sigh* Okay, I walked into that one.

End of Confessionals

"…And that's what you should do if you ever find a poisonous toad inside of your underwear. Now, let's move on to the best way to gut a—"

"Stop! I get it! You have a lot of stupid pieces of advice!"

Twenty minutes had passed since the Brains had set off from the riverbank, and they had yet to see a flag. The current had slowed considerably since then, moving at a leisurely pace. Having anticipated this, Scarlett brought a pair of oars, which Heather and Courtney now used to paddle the raft forward.

Harold frowned at Heather from the front. "Hey, you asked. Besides, this is some valuable info to know. It'll help you in the future, I'm sure."

"When am I ever going to have to milk a yak using only my elbows?" Heather asked as she rowed. "Or imitate the mating call of a f**king platypus?"

"You seriously underestimate how drained for challenge ideas this show is," Noah said from the back.

"Yeah, Heather!" Harold agreed. "Just think about how prepared you'll be when we arrive at the challenge site and Chris busts out a cage filled with sexually frustrated platypuses." He paused, frowning. "Or is it platypi? Gotta look that one up. Speaking of pi, did you know I can recite, like, 57 digits of pi? Let me sh—

"I have a question, Harold," Courtney interrupted from the back. "Are you even trying to look for the flag?"

"No need!" Harold declared, beckoning to Cameron, who sat next to him up front. "Cameron's taking care of that. He's got the eyes of an eagle. An eagle that needs heavy prescription glasses to see anything, but an eagle nonetheless." He grinned and nudged him. "Right, buddy?" Cameron slowly opened his eyes and squinted at Harold, looking groggy.

"Huh? What'sthat?" he mumbled.

Courtney stared at him. "Are you kidding me? You fell asleep?"

Cameron took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah… I guess I did. Sorry, I didn't really get a lot of sleep last night. I was up all night thinking about this season. Mostly the fact that I won't have Mike and Zoey here with me for the first time." He sighed. "I'm really going to miss them. I wonder what they're up to right now?"

"Wow," Courtney said, shaking her head. "That's just… how anyone could actually devote so much active thought to those two is… beyond baffling. And very, very sad." She turned and glared at Noah, who sat next to her, reading his book. "And what's your excuse?"

Noah glanced up. "Uh… whatever Cameron said. That's my excuse too."

Courtney stared at him. "…So let me get this straight. What you're saying is that you've been reading instead of looking for our flag because you stayed up all night thinking about Mike and Zoey?"

"Uh… sure," Noah said. "That works."

"No, Noah, that doesn't work! It makes absolutely no sense!" Courtney snapped. "Just admit that you haven't been looking for our flag because you're a lazy asshole."

"That works too."

Courtney sighed. "Listen, we just need all eyes on the lookout, okay? This is serious! Do you realize how stupid we'll look if we pass by our campsite without noticing it? We'll have done Chris's job for him!"

Noah shrugged. "We can just blame it on Heather. Problem solved."

"Excuse me?" Heather snapped. "I don't think so! I will not be the scapegoat in any of this!"

"For once, I agree with her," Courtney said. "The blame falls on all of us if that happens." She glanced at the surrounding forest. "And for all we know, we could have already missed it. I mean, it has been 20 minutes… and half of us weren't even paying attention… oh my God, what if we've already missed it?!"

"Not to worry, Courtney," responded a warm, masculine voice from behind her. "I have been thoroughly scanning both sides of the river since we departed. That, combined with your own watchful eye, assures me that there is no way we could have missed it."

"Thanks, Alejandro. I'm glad somebody cares about the team."

"You are very welcome, Courtney. It is my pleasure."

The raft floated along. Ten seconds passed in silence. Courtney's eyes then slowly widened. She turned around. There, sitting behind her, was indeed Alejandro.

"WHAT THE F**K?!" she screamed.

Cameron, Harold, and Scarlett all turned and gasped at the sight of the Latino. Noah looked up at his teammates.

"Wait, you people didn't notice him sitting back there?" He shook his head. "And I'm supposed to be the oblivious one."

"How long has he been here?!" Courtney asked, her eyes wide.

"Since the beginning," Alejandro responded before Noah could. He placed a hand on Courtney's shoulder and smiled. "I can see you are surprised. Do not worry. All will be explained shortly. But right now, we should focus on the task at hand, which is reaching the campsite. You have been rowing for quite a while, mi amiga. Perhaps a break is in order." He began to reach forward. "I'd be happy to take over. I am actually a three-time national rowing champion in my home country of Spain."

Courtney saw Alejandro's hand reaching toward her and she frantically grabbed the oar. She raised it high above her head. Then, without thinking, she swung it forward as hard as she could. The end of the oar smashed into Alejandro's face, cutting him off. He toppled off the end of the raft and spilled into the water with a splash. The raft then caught a strong current and raced off, turning a corner and leaving the handsome competitor far behind, groaning in pain.

Heather gasped and stood up. "Oh my God! Alejandro!"

Harold grinned triumphantly. "See? What did I tell you? All you have to do is bop it on the nose! Works every time!"

Heather glared at Courtney. "Why the hell did you do that?!" Courtney didn't respond, clutching the oar and staring backward in shock. "Courtney!"

Finally, Courtney snapped out of it, and turned back around.

"I just took preemptive action against an eminent threat," she said with a shrug.

"Oh really? That's what you call it? Well, then maybe I should take some 'preemptive action' of my own!" Heather growled, grabbing her oar.

"Don't even think about it," Courtney hissed. "If you want to get angry at someone, get angry at your boyfriend. There was no good reason for him to be on our raft unless he was up to something."

"So?! That doesn't give you the green light to club him in the face with your oar!" Heather exclaimed.

"I had to protect our team by any means necessary!" Courtney argued.

"Hey, the rest of us aren't complaining," Noah said, turning a page in his book. "I personally think you could've clubbed him a little harder, Courtney."

"Nobody asked for your input, Noah!" Heather snapped.

Scarlett quickly spoke up. "Okay, let's all just calm down and assess what happened. You certainly have a right to be angry, Heather. Courtney absolutely could have handled the issue more tactfully. But we have to look at the circumstances surrounding the incident. Alejandro is a dangerous competitor, one that is always looking to gain an edge in this game. A threat like that cannot be taken lightly. Besides, it was quite suspicious for him to be on our raft for so long without making his presence known earlier."

"I bet Heather knew," Courtney muttered. "And she probably knows why he was here, too."

"What? No I don't! I know as little as the rest of you," Heather quickly said, shaking her head. She shrugged. "I'll admit, Alejandro shouldn't have tried to sneak onto our raft without telling us." She sighed. "Still, I hope he's okay…"

"Eh, I'm sure he's fine," Courtney said with a shrug.

"Yeah, but you did sort of leave him in the middle of the river back there, Courtney," Cameron pointed out.

Courtney snickered. "Oh, come on. He won't die from a little water."

"True," Harold said. He paused. "…Unless Alejandro has dishonored Suijin, of course. And given the epic lengths of the showers I remember him taking during Total Drama World Tour, it's certainly possible. In which case, he will most likely die a very painful death at Suijin's hands."

"Good thing Suijin doesn't exist then," Courtney said. "Anyways, Alejandro is fine. He survived getting trampled by the entire cast and covered in lava, didn't he? He's a complete Gary Stu. We don't need to worry about him. If anything, we should be more worried about my paddle." Smirking, she held up the end of her oar, which was bent backwards. "Al's face put a pretty solid dent in it."

"Not funny, Courtney," Heather growled.

Noah shrugged. "I thought it was pretty funny."

"Once again, if I wanted your input, Noah, I would have asked for it."

Courtney placed a hand on the bookworm's shoulder. "Well, I value Noah's input."

"Of course you do," Heather muttered. She coughed. "Alliance whore."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Anyways, let's just agree to forget about the whole incident."

"Good call," Scarlett said. "I couldn't have said it better myself, Heather."

With that, the raft continued onward, and Harold began talking once more. Once she was sure nobody was looking, Heather glanced back, frowning to herself.

Confession Cam

Heather: Okay, Courtney being awful aside, I have no idea what that the hell that was all about. Why would Alejandro be following our team like that? It makes no sense. …Unless… (She quickly shakes her head.) No. There's no way. We talked about this. He wouldn't take it that far. It has to be something else.

End of Confessionals

---

Beauty Beach (Team Brawn)

Tyler stood on the beach, facing his teammates. He frowned as he glanced over their scowling faces.

"Okay, I'm sensing some real bad vibes from the group right now. Especially you, Jo. You're seriously freaking me out." His team remained silent, and Jo's scowl deepened. Tyler swallowed deeply. "…Is it maybe because of the whole 'getting us completely lost' thing that I did?" Everyone slowly nodded. Tyler sighed. "Yeah, I thought so. But look, I can totally explain—"

"No need," Jo interrupted. "It's a pretty simple explanation. You're an idiot. You've always been an idiot. And you will always be an idiot. Not much else to be said." She shrugged. "Really, I'm the one to blame for deluding myself into thinking that maybe you weren't an idiot. But I don't tend to make the same mistakes again." She started walking towards him. "Give me the map."

Tyler took a step back. "N-no! You can't!"

"What's that, you say?" Jo asked, raising an eyebrow. "I can't? Hmm. Well, funny story, Tyler: I can." She continued to walk towards him, rolling up her sleeves. "And I will."

"Give me one more chance!" Tyler begged.

"One more chance? How many chances do you expect us to give you?" Jo snapped. "I already gave you a chance to 'prove yourself', and you all you did was prove that you suck!"

"I was just off my game! I hadn't read a map in a while," Tyler said with a shrug. He started bouncing on his toes and swinging his arms back and forth. "But I'm warmed up now. I've got the map-reading juices pumping, baby! I can do this, Jo!"

"Do what? Suck at everything? Yes, yes you can. We know. You've already made that clear." Jo took another step forward.

"I can do more than suck!" Tyler insisted. "I can get us to our campsite! All I need is the opportunity!" He paused, thinking. "How about this? If I get us lost again, you all can vote me off."

"Oh, don't worry, we're pretty much planning to do that anyway," Jo muttered. She extended her hand. "I'll say it one more time. Hand over the map."

"NO!" Tyler screamed, jumping back again into ankle-deep water. He dropped to his knees in the water, his hands clasped together. "I'll do anything! Just tell me what you—" A wave suddenly crashed over him, knocking him under the water. After a few seconds, Tyler broke from the surface and slowly rose back to his knees, soaking wet and coughing. "Ow… that hurt. But I don't care! I won't move from this spot until you—" Another wave crashed over him, knocking him back under. The jock got up again, completely drenched and spitting out water. "I can stay here all—" Another wave crashed over him.

Jo sighed as she watched the waves continue to knock Tyler over. Brick suddenly walked up next to her.

"I think you should give him another chance, Jo."

Jo turned to face him, scowling. "Of course you think that. Why on earth do you keep defending him? Have you two already formed an idiots' alliance or something?"

Brick looked startled. "Huh? No! Of course not! It's way too early in the game for alliances." He shrugged. "I just think we need to remember what this season is all about."

"And what's it all about, Mr. Rogers?"

"Well… really, it's all about redemption."

"Oh, give me a break."

"It's true!" Brick insisted. "Think about it! We all made mistakes the last time we played. Mistakes that many of us, including myself, still regret to this day. But now, Chris has given us not only another shot at the million, but more importantly, a chance to fix those mistakes. To redeem ourselves, Jo. Only one of us will win the million, but we all have the chance to win something far more valuable." The cadet beckoned to Tyler, who continued to drown in the shallow water. "If we want to honor this season's theme, then we have to allow Tyler to find his own redemption. To right the wrongs of his past!"

"You mean the 'past' of literally five minutes ago?" Jo asked, scowling. "Tyler hasn't magically become a competent human being in that period of time."

Brick nodded. "You're right. Tyler hasn't become competent. That's because he's always been competent. He's just never had the confidence to reach his full potential!"

"Did you just say Tyler doesn't have enough confidence? Man, you really are terrible at reading people."

"It's true! Tyler may seem confident on the outside, but deep down, I see a man that has no faith in himself. He's never gotten the positive reinforcement that he needs. That's why he's so desperate for the approval of others. He needs to be validated. He needs to feel valued. He is lost in this world, desperately searching for a place, for a purpose, to no avail."

"Or he's just brain damaged."

"That's the easy answer, Jo." Brick shook his head. "But it's not the right one. We need to be the ones to give Tyler the validation he's always lacked! How else can our troops thrive as a cohesive unit? We're no team at all without—"

"You've already given this exact speech, Brickhead," Jo interrupted, rolling her eyes. "Get some more original material. It's not gonna convince me."

"Well, I agree with him," Jasmine suddenly said, approaching the pair. "I say we let Tyler have one more bash at it. We can't give up on him just yet. We're a team, like Brick said."

Jo nodded. "Oh, okay. I get it. We're a 'team'. So therefore, we need to work together as a team to stroke the fragile ego of the guy who put himself in the sole position of power without consulting any of us. Of course! That'll promote teamwork." She rolled her eyes. "I think I'd prefer to hear what someone rational has to say about this." She turned towards Duncan. The delinquent, however, lay fast asleep in one of the beach chairs. Jo groaned. "Wonderful."

Suddenly, Justin walked over, drying himself off with a towel.

"You people are still here?" he asked in disbelief.

"Calm down. We're about to leave," Jo said to him.

"Thank God," Justin sighed with relief. "No offense, but all of you are quite ugly. Truly painful to look at. The sooner you leave, the sooner I won't have to constantly bear witness to your endless and staggering deformities." He walked away, with Anne Maria following close behind.

"Coming from the guy whose chin takes up half his face," Jo muttered. She turned to Brick and Jasmine. "Fine. You win. Tyler can have his stupid redemption. Let's just get out of here already."

"I'm so glad you changed your mind, Jo!" said a voice. Jo whipped around and saw Tyler standing right next to her, beaming.

"What the…?! She looked back at the water, then back to Tyler. "How did you…?!"

"No time for that," the sports enthusiast answered, reaching into his pocket. He whipped out the map, grinning. "It's time for me to take this map for a downtown spin in the Tyler-mobile, destination: awesomeness!"

"No, it's time for you to read it. Correctly," Jo growled. "Because if you don't lead us to the right spot this time, I will never speak to you again and you will be dead to me."

Tyler laughed. "Have I ever let you down before, Jo?" He paused. "On second thought, don't answer that." He quickly began scanning over the map.

Jasmine, meanwhile, glanced over at Duncan, who remained asleep in the beach chair. "I guess one of us should wake him up."

Brick stepped forward. "I volunt—" He was cut off as Jo pushed past him and walked over to Duncan's sleeping body. Without a moment's hesitation, she picked up the beach chair with Duncan still in it, lifted it above her head, and flipped it upside down. Duncan's eyes shot open, and he screamed as he toppled out of the chair and landed headfirst in the sand with a thud. Clutching his neck as he got to his knees, the criminal glared up at Jo.

"You better have had really good reason for doing that."

"You fell asleep," Jo said with a shrug. "I had to wake you up."

"Then you could've lightly nudged me, not dropped me on my goddamn head!"

"Were you this much of a bitch in prison? You're fine. Now get up, because we're about to leave."

Duncan raised an eyebrow as he rose to his feet. "I'm guessing you finally took the map away from Tyler and figured out where we need to go?"

"…Sure, let's go with that," Jo sighed. Tyler suddenly whistled to get their attention.

"Okay, everyone! I'm thrilled to announce that after a small miscalculation, I now know exactly where our campsite is located and how to get there!"

"And you're absolutely certain this time?" Jasmine asked the jock.

"100 percent," Tyler said, nodding. "Believe me. I've read the map so many times, I practically know it by heart!" He glanced down at the rolled-up map in his hands. "I almost feel like I've connected with this map on, like, a personal level, y'know? This map and I, we've built a genuine bond with one another. We've had our struggles, sure. But through it all, we've stayed together. I now consider this map a true friend." He wiped a tear from his eye, and chuckled. "I think the map may have wanted to be more than a friend… but I have a girlfriend already. It wouldn't have worked out. Besides, better to not risk ruining what we already have, y'know?"

"Of course," Jo said, nodding back. "And let me just say, I'm so glad that our team leader is someone who spends his time friendzoning inanimate objects. That really restores my confidence in this team."

Tyler beamed. "Thanks, Jo!"

"So, after your thorough assessment of the region, which way do you believe we need to go first, Tyler?" Brick asked.

Tyler pulled out the map. "Let me check again." He examined the layout, nodding to himself. "Uh huh, uh huh… yep, just as I thought. I now can say with 100 percent certainty that we need to go…" He pointed to his right. "…THAT WAY!"

His teammates all looked in that direction. Tyler was pointing toward the ocean.

"Yeah… you might want to rethink that, man," Duncan said.

"Huh? Why?" Tyler asked. He looked up from the map, and saw where he was pointing. He was silent for a moment. Then he glanced down at the map again and quickly flipped it in the opposite direction.

"Uhh… I mean, we need to go THAT WAY!" Tyler declared, pointing back towards the forest. He rolled up the map and tucked it into his pocket. "All right, let's head out!"

With that, the brown-haired teenager grabbed the backpack and started sprinting towards the woods. The Brawns glanced at each other uneasily, before quickly following after him. As they approached the edge of the forest, Jasmine noticed Eva's body lying in the sand, and scooped her up as they ran past.

The team now followed Tyler down a narrow and overgrown trail, ducking under low-hanging branches as they tried to keep up with their leader, who leaped over logs and skidded around every turn.

"Slow down!" Jo shouted after him. "We don't need to go this fast!"

"Nonsense!" Tyler laughed. He turned around to face her, running backwards. "We wasted a lot of time at the beach. We gotta go double time to make up for it!"

"We wasted that much time because of you, dickhead! And all you're going to do is get us even more lost if you run through the forest like a madman without paying attention to where you're going!"

"Does it look like that's the case, Jo?" Tyler asked, still facing completely backward as he ran. He chuckled and shook his head. "Don't worry. I'm paying complete attention to our surroundings. I've got the focus of a hawk! Nothing escapes me!" He turned back around, and there was a hollow thud as his face smacked into a low-hanging tree limb.

Confession Cam

Jo: I know what you're all thinking. Why haven't I taken control of this team by now? We have absolutely zero hope for survival with Tyler at the helm. But honestly, at this point, the trainwreck is just too awe-inspiring to stop. I have to see it play out. (She shrugs.) Plus, it helps my game. I know I'm a threat. The way I see it, the more Tyler tries to do things, the more he f**ks up, and the more his target grows while my target shrinks. (She chuckles.) Besides, how lost can he actually get us? It's just an island, right?

End of Confessionals

---

Team Brains

Thirty minutes had passed since the Alejandro incident, and there was still no sight of the team flag as the Brains traveled along the river.

"…I think the most important thing I've learned about comic book collecting is that it's not about the comic books themselves," Harold said, gazing forward, deep in thought. "Sure, they're cool and all. But what's truly rewarding is the journey and the incredible people you meet along the way. That reminds me of this one time where…"

As Harold kept talking, Courtney stared down at the water, her eyes empty.

"This is it, Courtney. You have officially entered hell. There's no going back now. You're never getting off this raft. You're going to be trapped here forever." She closed her eyes, rocking back and forth.

"…Because honestly, 'comic book collecting' is such an abstract idea when you really think about it, you know? What is the definition of 'success' when it comes to comic book collecting? No matter how many limited editions you attain, there will always be rarer copies out there that will escape your grasp. That question used to haunt me almost every night when I was younger. What was I hoping to achieve? But then I realized that every comic book collector faces a similar struggle. And in a way, that is the beauty of it all." Harold placed a hand on his heart. "Together, through meaningful companionship, we comic book collectors can find purpose in our endless pursuit of an unknown and perhaps nonexistent goal. In a way, it's a lot like life itself. Do you know what I mean?"

Heather shook her head. "No, I do not, Harold. But do you know what 'shut the f**k up' means? Because I've come up with countless ways over the last thirty minutes to tell you to shut the f**k up, and yet here you are, still not shutting the f**k up." She picked up her oar. "I'm starting to think I need to implement a more direct manner of communication. Catch my drift?"

"Whoa!" Harold held up his hands defensively. "Haven't you listened to my story, Heather? My message is one of camaraderie among individuals, not conflict! Gosh!"

"Exactly. And right now, my paddle wants to form some 'camaraderie' with your loud, stupid face," Heather said, preparing to strike. However, right before she could attack with the oar, Scarlett grabbed it from behind and ripped it away from her. Heather turned around in surprise. The genius girl giggled sheepishly and adjusted her glasses, holding the oar in one hand.

"Sorry, Heather. I felt the need to intervene. It appeared you were about to make a rash, emotionally-fueled decision that would permanently fracture our team."

Heather crossed her arms. "Our team could use a fracture or two. Especially if that portion of the team is Harold." She glared at the ginger nerd, who hid behind Cameron.

Scarlett sighed. "Look, Heather. I understand that we are all getting tired of being on this raft together. And I'll admit that I too have found Harold's presence aggravating to a profound degree. The high punchability of his face multiplied by the precipitous black-energy void that exists in the place of his social skills is an equation that has produced the painfully tragic result that now sits before us. But still, that does not mean we should resort to violence. We're not the Brawns. We're better than that!"

"I'm not," Heather muttered.

Harold coughed. "Perhaps, Heather, you could learn from an old Japanese proverb written by—"

"I swear to God, Harold."

Noah, meanwhile, was distracted from his book by the sound of heavy breathing. The know-it-all glanced up at Courtney, who sat curled in a ball next to him. He sighed.

"You do know we've only been on this raft for an hour, right?" he asked her. Courtney turned to him, her eyes bloodshot.

"So what?" she snapped. "It feels like it's been a lifetime! We're never going to find our stupid campsite! This was the worst idea EVER!"

"Wow. I never thought I'd hear you say that about your own idea," Noah said, his eyebrow raised.

"This wasn't my idea!" Courtney retorted. She frowned. "Was it my idea? Oh, who cares? I just want off before I lose my last shred of sanity!"

"It shouldn't be much longer, Courtney," Scarlett said. "I really do think we're almost there."

"Why? What makes you say that?" Courtney asked. "All I see are more trees!"

Scarlett glanced towards the shore, and watched as the raft passed a tall, crooked tree, jutting out over the water. She turned back to Courtney.

"…Just a feeling," she said.

Courtney looked at Scarlett strangely for a moment, before shrugging. "Well… okay then. Whatever you say."

"Don't worry, Courtney. Like Scarlett, I too have a strong feeling that our luck shall change soon," said Harold, turning around to smile at her. "You see, I've been consulting the many spirits of this region, asking for their guidance in this trying time. They have given me faith that the winds of change are soon to—"

"Your family doesn't and never will love you, Harold," Courtney said, cutting him off.

"What the?! Where did that come from? I was just trying to contribute to the conversation!"

"Well, you didn't. You made it infinitely worse. I hope you're happy."

Harold threw up his hands. "Okay, what's with all the negativity from you people? It's, like, seriously vexing and totally killing my mojo. We're supposed to be a team! We're supposed to respect each other as fellow samurai!" He turned away, looking hurt. "But the way you guys are treating me… I mean, it's just so gosh! And all I've done is try to—"

"Hold on… did you seriously just use 'gosh' as an adjective?" Noah asked, looking up from his book.

"Uh… yeah. So? Is there problem with that?"

"No… but I do now agree with Courtney's assessment that your family doesn't love you," Noah said, before returning to his book.

Harold crossed his arms, scowling.

Confession Cam

Harold: Okay, for the record, there were sooooo many Japanese proverbs I could've dropped on his ass after that comment. I would've made him look sooooo ignorant. (He sighs.) But I restrained myself. I must refrain from indulging in petty conflict with another man, however much it pains me not to fight back. That is what makes a true man. (He grins.) That's actually a Japanese proverb right there. Written by yours truly. (He pauses, frowning at the camera.) What are you talking about? I can totally write a Japanese proverb! It's not cultural appropriation! That's ridiculous! What do you know, anyway? You're the Confession Cam! You're not even supposed to have an opinion! GOSH!

End of Confessionals

Another 10 minutes passed. Courtney scanned the slowly darkening riverbank with her hand cupped to her eyes, looking increasingly nervous.

"Guys… maybe we should…"

"What? What do you suggest we do, braniac?" Heather asked, crossing her arms.

"I'm trying to say that maybe we should turn around!"

"Turn around? Are you kidding me?"

"I don't know! I just have a really bad feeling about that we missed it! And that now we're going in the wrong direction like idiots!"

"But what if we didn't?" Heather countered. "Then we'll be screwing ourselves and look like even bigger idiots!"

"Fine. Then I think we should put it up to a vote," Courtney declared. "That's the democratic way. I learned that as a C.I.T."

"No way," Heather said, shaking her head. "You think I trust a vote? When matters get put up to a vote, Donald Trump gets elected to the most powerful position on Earth. Sorry to inform you, but this is a monocracy, bitch. And as leader, I say we keep going forward!"

"No way! You're not even our leader! I'm our leader! And I say we have to go back!" Courtney insisted.

"No! We have to go forward!"

"Back!"

"Forward!"

The two girls whipped around and looked toward Cameron, who tried to avert his eyes, but to no avail.

"What do you think, Cameron?" Courtney asked, leaning toward him. "What do you think we should do? It's all up to you now." Cameron shifted uncomfortably, shrinking away from the two girls.

"Um… well…"

Heather leaned even closer, narrowing her eyes at the bubble boy. "Think about this very carefully, nerd boy. You don't want to make the wrong enemies this early on. You will regret it."

Cameron swallowed deeply, glancing back and forth between the two. There was a long period of silence. Then he slowly spoke.

"Um… I guess… um… I would ask Mike and Zoey what they would do?"

"Oh, for f**k's sake!" both girls groaned in unison.

"I'm SORRY!" Cameron cried, curling up into a ball.

"Hey, hold on. He might have a point," Noah said. He shrugged. "Lowkey the best idea I've heard today."

"Wait… what is that supposed to mean?" Courtney asked, turning and glaring at the know-it-all.

"It means I think your raft idea was pretty much a complete flop," Noah said plainly.

"Oh really? Is that so? And did you have a better idea?!"

"No," Noah said. "But if anything, I can trash your sucky idea even more because I brought zero ideas to the table. I'm essentially invulnerable to critique right now."

"No you can't! And no you aren't! That doesn't even make sense!"

"I actually agree with Noah," Heather said. "Courtney's idea sucked. Courtney as a person also sucks as well. Therefore, we should vote her off. It's the only logical conclusion."

"You stay out of this, Heather!" Courtney snapped, turning to her.

"Um, what are you talking about? I've only been a part of this entire conversation."

"Well, then get out! This is between me and Noah right now!"

"Actually, that was enough interaction for me," Noah said. "I'll return to my book."

"No! Fifty Shades of Grey can wait, you douche!"

Suddenly, the river's current picked up and the raft shot forward through the water. All the Brains lurched backward in their seats from the momentum.

"What the...?!" Heather exclaimed, getting back into an upright position. "What's happening?!"

"It has to be a sign!" Harold gasped, looking down at the rushing water in excitement. "From Suijin! We're reaching our final destination! HALLELUJAH!" He turned around, grinning. "I knew you and I were right to be optimistic, Scarlett! All we needed was a little seed of hope and a patch of soil to...wait... Scarlett?" The nerd looked around in confusion. Scarlett was nowhere to be seen.

"Um... g-guys?" Cameron stuttered from the front, his voice cracking. "We kind of have a problem up here." Harold turned back around to face the front.

"What is it, Cameron? Do you need to borrow my inhaler again?" he asked. Cameron shook his head. Harold frowned. "Huh? Then what could you be talking abou.. oh." He stopped speaking as he saw what was ahead. "...I see. Yes, that's a bit of a problem."

As the two stared forward, speechless, the camera zoomed out. The Brains' raft wasn't approaching a campsite, but rather a massive, roaring waterfall, at least 200 feet tall. The water cascaded violently down into a small pool, filled with jagged rocks that glistened in the late afternoon sunlight.

All of the Brains could now easily see the edge of waterfall, just 100 yards away and approaching quickly. After a few seconds of silence, Heather spoke.

"...Well, I think we can now safely conclude that Courtney's idea sucked."

Courtney glared at her. "Oh, don't you even try to peg this on m-"

The camera cut to commercial.

Is this the end for the Brains?

What is Alejandro up to?

Will choosing not to build a shelter come back to haunt the Beauties?

Will letting Tyler be leader come back to haunt the Brawns?

Are both of those questions rhetorical?

See it all right here, on the next dramatic chapter of

Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty!

---

Team Breakdown:

The Brains: Harold, Courtney, Noah, Heather, Cameron, Scarlett

The Brawns: Eva, Jo, Duncan, Brick, Jasmine, Tyler

The Beauties: Alejandro, Sugar, Anne Maria, Topher, Justin, Dawn

---

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter was originally intended to go up to the start of the first immunity challenge, but it got waaay too long, so I had to split into 2 parts. Usually episodes will be 2-3 parts; this one will just be 4 parts instead. I know not a bunch happened, but I think it's important to develop the characters at the start and establish the team dynamics. The good news is that next part will be coming within the next week, so be on the lookout for that! In the meantime, feel free to let me know what you think in a review! I respond to all of them through PM, unless it's a guest review, in which case, my responses are listed below.

TotalDramaWreck: Thanks dude! We'll really just have to see about Total Drama Returns. I'll admit, there are times where I really want to get back to writing that fic. Maybe I'll start it up again someday, but no promises at this point.

Guest #1: No comment ;)

The Boulder: In regard to Lindsay, I unfortunately didn't feel like I could do a lot with her in this story. I wanted a very specific dynamic on the Beauty team (which you'll see more of later) and she didn't really fit in with it. Definitely sad I couldn't include her though, she's one of my top 5 favorite characters. And as for the longwindedness... yeah, that's definitely among my biggest faults as a writer. I just love to write, and that turns into a lot of words, haha. I'll try to cut back at some point (although I can't say I did for this chapter). Thanks for the review!

Guest #2: Thanks! I'm glad you like my style of humor. And yeah, Chris vs Don is going to definitely an overarching theme for this entire story. I have some wonderful plans for that storyline ;) Thank you for the review!

Thanks, and I'll see ya next time!