Episode 1 Part 3-Chapter 3: Rain of Terror

Heather and Courtney's shouts filled the air as the Brains' raft slowly approached the waterfall.

"You're the one who said we needed to go to the river in the first place!"

"Yeah, but you're the one who insisted we go on a river rafting ride," Heather shot back. "If it were up to me, we'd be safe and sound on the shore." She turned and addressed the others. "So let it be known that Courtney is the reason we're about to die."

"No, you are-"

"Now is not the time for more stupid alliance pandering!" Noah suddenly shouted. "We need to do something!" Courtney turned to him, her arms crossed.

"Oh, so now you want do something, huh? Guess there's a first time for everything."

"Courtney, do you not understand that we are about to die?!" Noah yelled. Courtney stared at him for a moment. She glanced toward the waterfall, which was now just fifty yards away. She paused, as the reality of the situation dawned her. Then without another word, she quickly turned to Heather.

"Start paddling the other way!" the C.I.T. ordered.

"There's no way that's going to-"

"DO IT!"

Shaking her head, Heather grabbed her oar and started paddling backwards. Courtney frantically began doing the same. However, the brunette soon realized that her oar was barely moving the water. Groaning in frustration, she held up the oar and examined its end, which was bent out of shape. Courtney turned to Heather, scowling.

"Okay, your boyfriend's face actually ruined my paddle. Nice going," she grumbled.

"Find something else, then!" Heather snapped.

Courtney tossed the oar away, before looking around the raft. "But what do I use?! There's nothing here!"

"I don't know! Just find something! And hurry!"

Courtney quickly turned to Cameron, who sat up front, his knees tucked into his stomach, sucking his thumb and vacantly staring off into space.

"Cameron!" the brunette shouted, making him snap out of his daze. "You're a weirdo tech freak, aren't you? Help me out here! What can I use as a makeshift oar?!"

Cameron glanced at her, and then glanced at the raft. He looked back at Courtney.

"Um... m-maybe... we c-could use... uh... Mike and Zoey?" the bubble boy offered.

"AUGH!" Courtney roared, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"I'M SORRY!" Cameron cried.

"Sorry doesn't cut it, pipsqueak!" Courtney shouted back at him. "Seriously, what is wrong with you?! What is with your Mike and Zoey fetish? They're not here, okay? And they will never be here! Now man up and stop being completely useless!"

"I DON'T WANNA BE USELESS!" Cameron sobbed. He tugged at the sides of his face. "I'M SO PATHETIC! MY PEDIATRICIAN WAS RIGHT!"

Just as she was about to yell some more, an idea suddenly crossed Courtney's mind. She glanced back at Cameron, who was rocking back and forth, whimpering. She sized him up for a moment, her eyes scanning him from head to toe. Then, without a moment's hesitation, she leaned forward and grabbed him by his legs.

"Whoa! Hey!" Cameron yelped, looking down at her hands in surprise. "What are you doing, Courtney?!"

"Making you useful!" Courtney answered, her teeth gritted. With a heave, she flipped him upside down and straightened his body until it was flat like a plank. Then, still gripping Cameron by his ankles, she started rowing again, using his face as the paddle.

Heather smirked at Courtney from across the raft. "Resourceful."

"You learn a few skills as a C.I.T.," Courtney responded, smirking back. Then she grew stern. "Okay, are you ready to not die?" Heather nodded. "Then let's do this!"

The two girls started paddling together in unison, with Heather using her oar and Courtney using Cameron. As they paddled harder and harder, the raft slowly stopped moving toward the waterfall. However, despite their best efforts, they couldn't force the raft to move backward. The two continued like this for a minute, fighting futilely against the flow of the river. They slowly began inching closer to the edge.

"I can't do this!" Heather said through gritted teeth. "I need to pass it off to someone!"

"No! Do you not see our other options here?!" Courtney cried, beckoning toward Noah and Harold.

Harold, meanwhile, looked up at the sky.

"Suijin! I know you hear me up there!" he called out. "Answer me! Why would you do to this to us? Why would you do this to me?! I... I thought we had something! I sacrificed so much for you! And now you are punishing me and my friends with death?! Why?!" There was no response from the sky. Harold suddenly jumped up, making the whole raft wobble. "Is it because I have sinned?! Is this my punishment? Is this my final reckoning? But I have done nothing wrong!" He paused, thinking. Then he gasped. "Wait... you must still be angry about the waterbed I have in my room! Of course!" The nerd sighed, nodding. "That must be it. Look, Suijin, I know that waterbeds are an insult to your natural form. But I need to sleep on one! I have spinal osteoarthritis! It's a medical condition! GOSH!"

"Sit down!" Noah yelled up at him. "You're going to make the whole raft tip over!"

"Not until Suijin answers me!" Harold declared, glaring up at the sky. "You hear me, Suijin?! You can't just ignore me forever! I'd bet you have a medical condition that also forces you to make difficult ethical decisions! Don't try to act like you're above me!" He paused. "Well, I mean, that's not to say that you aren't. Because you totally are. You're far above me, Suijin. Please forgive me, my lord."

"HAROLD!" everyone shouted.

Harold turned and looked down at them defiantly, his arms crossed. "What? I'm just trying to help, you guys! It's pretty obvious that we need some divine intervention at this point if we want to live!"

Suddenly, there was a call from the riverbank.

"Amigos! Over here!"

Harold gasped and turned in the direction of the voice. "SUIJIN?!"

"What? No! It is me! Alejandro!" yelled the voice. The Latino stepped out of a grove of trees on the riverbank and waved to them.

Courtney groaned. "Great. Just what we needed right now." She cupped her hand to her mouth and shouted at him. "STOP FOLLOWING US!"

"But I'm here to save you!" Alejandro shouted back. He held up a rope. "I'll toss you this! You all can grab on to it, and I'll pull you to shore!"

"We don't need your help!" Courtney yelled. "We're doing just fine on our own, thank you very much!"

"What are you talking about? No we aren't!" Heather exclaimed from across the raft. Courtney glared back at her.

"Yes, we are!"

Heather quickly turned to the riverbank. "Don't listen to her, Alejandro! We're about to die! Throw us the rope!"

"Of course, mi amor!" Alejandro called back. He swung the rope high above his head, gathering momentum, and then hurled it across the river in their direction. Heather reached up and caught the flying rope. She then turned to the Noah and Harold.

"Look. This is our only chance for survival, and that's the facts. But if you two want to die as virgins, be my guest," she said with a shrug.

Harold immediately grasped the rope behind her. Noah followed after him. Everyone then looked at Courtney. The C.I.T. paused for a moment, contemplating. She glanced back toward the waterfall, before looking back at her teammates. Then, finally, she sighed and grabbed on to the end of rope, with a soaking wet Cameron tucked under her arm. Alejandro called out to them from the shore.

"Are you ready, amigos?"

"Yes! Start pulling!" Heather yelled. "And hurry!"

"And we're not your amigos!" Courtney shouted.

"Okay, amigos! Just one thing that must be done first," Alejandro declared. He then ripped off his shirt, revealing his chiseled form. "Now I'm ready."

"Was that really necessary?" Noah asked.

"Oh, Noah... you ask the silliest questions," Alejandro chuckled. Then, taking a deep breath, he started tugging on the rope with all his might. The Brains were pulled off of their raft and into the rushing water, causing the raft to shoot forward and disappear over the edge the waterfall.

His biceps bulging and glistening with sweat, Alejandro reached forward one hand at a time, slowly pulling them towards the shore. With each tug, the sexy Latino gritted his teeth and squinted his eyes, sweat dripping down every inch of his breathtaking body. His well-defined pecs expanded and contracted with each heave, in perfect rhythm with his powerful pelvic muscles, which he thrust back and forth in a strangely alluring dance.

"Okay, this is what happens when we let Alejandro write the narration," Noah said as he struggled to keep his face above the water.

Alejandro, meanwhile, grunted in pain as he tugged on the rope, his arms and legs visibly shaking. The Brains continued to approach the riverbank, cutting a path through the current. Seeing how close they were, Alejandro took another deep breath. He dug his heels into the ground and tightened his grasp on the rope. Then, mustering up his last ounce of energy, he pulled the rope as hard as he could, letting loose a deafening roar. The Brains lost their grips and were launched through the air, screaming, before they landed in the mud on the shore. Alejandro collapsed against a tree, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily.

Harold slowly opened his eyes and looked around the riverbank.

"...Huh?" He placed his hands on his body. "I'm... I'm alive? I'm alive?" He took off his glasses, wiped them off, put them back on, and gasped. "I'M ALIVE!" The nerd jumped up and flipped off the sky. "HA! SCREW YOU, SUIJIN! NOT TODAY, BITCH! GO JERK OFF IN YOUR SHITENGU SHRINE, YOU OVERRATED F**K!"

As Harold pranced around, the rest of the Brains slowly got up, wiping off their clothes and coughing out water (except for Cameron, whose heart had stopped beating and needed to be resuscitated by Courtney). Heather, meanwhile, rose to her knees and wrung out her hair. She suddenly caught Alejandro's eye from across the riverbank; he was staring at her intently. Smiles instantly played at both of their lips. Heather got up from the mud and slowly began to walk towards him. Alejandro started to move in her direction as well, his eyes glazing over seductively.

Right as they were about to meet, a sobbing Harold jumped into Alejandro's arms, blocking Heather off.

"MY HERO!" he cried, tears streaming down his face.

"Get off of him!" Heather seethed.

Harold ignored her as he tightened his arms around Alejandro's neck. "The ease with which you vanquished Suijin's wrath was incredible! How will I ever repay you?!"

"There's... really no need, Harold," Alejandro said with a forced smile. "Beyond all else, I'm just happy that you are okay." He patted Harold on the head, before swiftly tossing the nerd into some bushes. He then glanced up to see that the rest of the team was standing in front of him.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you all there." The Latino glanced down at his shirtless body. "Sorry, let me put my clothes back on. This is quite indecent of me." He reached down to the ground and grabbed his shirt, before holding it up in front of him and straightening it out.

"Wait... I swear I saw you rip off your shirt earlier," Cameron said, scratching his head. "How is it intact again?"

Alejandro chuckled as he put his arm through a sleeve. "Very observant of you, Cameron. You see, my shirt is made of a hyper-advanced fabric that has been genetically engineered to reconstruct itself whenever it is torn. A scientific breakthrough, and very convenient for a man like myself, who often likes to rip off his shirt for dramatic emphasis. Now I can do so without ruining my outfit."

"Whoa," Cameron gasped. "That's so awesome!"

"Indeed it is. I was really wasting a lot of money on clothes before this." Alejandro shrugged. "What can I say? I just love to rip off my shirt. One could say I'm a shirt-ripping addict."

"Fascinating," Courtney said, rolling her eyes.

With his shirt now buttoned up, Alejandro examined the group. "So, I take it that everyone made it safely to shore?"

Cameron glanced around. "Well... not Scarlett. Does anyone know what happened to her?"

"No clue," Heather answered, frowning. "I swear she just evaporated or something."

"Oh, Scarlett? She jumped off the raft, like, five minutes earlier," Noah said, reading his book. "Just stood up and dived into the water without saying anything. It was really weird. I'm surprised nobody else noticed."

"...Okay, Noah, I'm noticing a recurring trend here," Courtney sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Let me teach you an important lesson. When you notice something that seems highly unusual, you tell us, okay? That way, you can actually be helpful to the team."

"Yeah... being helpful... not really my forte," Noah said with a shrug.

"It doesn't have to be your 'forte'! It's two seconds of effort!"

"Effort... also not really my forte."

"Then what is your forte?!"

"Yeah... having a forte... not really my forte."

Courtney clenched her fist. "I'll show you my forte, you little-"

"Amigos! Please!" Alejandro interrupted, stepping between them. "We mustn't turn on one another like this. We are a team."

Courtney turned to him. "'We'? Um, newsflash: you're not on our team, buddy. You're on the Beauty team."

"...That is very much up for debate," Alejandro muttered under his breath.

"It literally isn't," Courtney said, crossing her arms.

"Look, we can get into all of that nonsense later. Right now, I'm just happy to see that you all are well. And as for Scarlett, I'm sure she's fine. She's a strong, independent woman." Alejandro glanced over at the waterfall. "I must admit, I am a bit sad to see my handiwork destroyed... but alas, there was nothing that could be done."

"Huh? What do you mean by your 'handiwork'?" Courtney asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The raft. It was pretty well-crafted, in my opinion. I seem to remember Scarlett agreeing with me in that regard."

Courtney stared at him. "…Huh?"

"Of course!" Cameron suddenly gasped. "It all makes sense now! You were the one who left the raft at the Campfire area!"

"Yes, I was," Alejandro said with a nod. "Once I heard your team's plan, I decided to help out."

"Just how long have you been watching us?" Courtney asked, exasperated.

"A while," Alejandro admitted. He held up his hands. "It's not as creepy as it sounds, I swear! I just wanted to help!"

"But why? Why did you want to help us so badly?" Courtney asked suspiciously. "You've never done something like this before. It's completely out of character."

Alejandro frowned. "Why do you say that? It is not out of character for me to care about mis amigos!"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'm seriously starting to think that 'amigo' is the only actual Spanish word you know. And yes, it is."

"It's the truth! When someone is truly my amigo, I will do whatever it takes to help them. And you're my amigos."

"Yeah, Courtney!" Harold exclaimed, climbing up out of the bushes. He put an arm around Alejandro. "We're his amigos!"

"Ah, you mean the amigo that just threw you into a pile of bushes?" Courtney asked.

"Yep!" Harold grinned and held up a pinecone. "And look what I found in there! A super wicked pinecone! Alejandro obviously wanted to help me add to my collection. What a great friend!"

"That's the most-"

Before Courtney could finish her expletive, Scarlett suddenly appeared from behind a tree. The ginger girl's clothes were drenched, and her glasses were cracked in the corners. Her hair, however, remained tied in a perfectly neat bun.

"There you guys are," she said as she walked towards them. "I knew I'd find you eventually. I calculated a 96.7 percent probability, in fact."

"Scarlett!" Cameron cried, running up to her. "You're alive!"

"I am." Scarlett nodded. "In biological terms, certainly. Although to what degree that my so-called conscious thoughts are but a process of automatic chemical reactions between my neurotransmitters and their synapses is still up for debate."

Alejandro walked over to the genius girl, smiling. "It's so good to see you, Scarlett. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we all missed you greatly. It would have been absolutely devastating to lose such a key member of our team so early on." Courtney scowled as he said this.

Scarlett glanced at Alejandro.

"...Rather than try to make a conjecture as to why you are here or why you are acting like we've ever talked before, I will graciously accept your compliment and move on," she said. She turned to the others. "So, what happened to the rest of you?"

"Well, turns out rivers tend to lead to waterfalls," Noah said with a shrug.

"I see. Yes, that is a highly common trope on this show, now that I think about it," Scarlett noted, tapping her chin. "I'm surprised we did not anticipate that."

"Well, we didn't. But we're alive," Heather sighed. "Now, the more important question is where did you go?"

Scarlett shrugged. "Nowhere very interesting. I just happened to see an unclassified breed of flora on the riverbank." She held up a purple and yellow flower. "I wanted to study it. So in a spur-of-the-moment decision, I jumped off of our raft to get closer. I should have told you all that I was leaving, but I forgot to do so in my excitement. A social indiscretion on my end. Sorry."

"No problem!" Harold exclaimed, grinning. "Can I see that wicked sweet flower, though?"

"You could, Harold. But I must regretfully inform you that it is not real. It turned out to be yet another one of this island's many mechanical mirages." Scarlett opened up the flower to reveal a complex circuit panel inside. She sighed. "This place is truly a naturalist's nightmare." She tucked the flower away. "But enough about me. What now? Where do we proceed from here?"

"Well, he needs to get lost first," Courtney grumbled, jerking a thumb at Alejandro.

Alejandro frowned. "Huh? You want me to get lost, you say?"

"Yes. That's what I said. Glad you understand English."

"Um, that's pretty racist, Courtney," Harold said. "Just because Alejandro's of Hispanic descent-"

"I wasn't referring to his race!" Courtney snapped. "Look, I'm grateful that he saved our lives. It was awfully nice and really weird of him. But we don't even know where our campsite is. We're completely lost at this point. We can't deal with distractions right now!"

"You think I'm a distraction?" Alejandro asked, grinning at her suggestively.

Courtney blushed. "Not like that! You're a distraction because you literally won't leave us alone!"

"Would you feel differently if I told you that I know where your campsite is?"

Courtney stared at him. "...What?"

"Follow me," Alejandro said with a wink. Then, beckoning them after him, he disappeared among the trees. The Brains stood there, unsure of what to do. Alejandro stuck his head back, frowning. "When I said 'follow me', I sort of wanted you to follow me, believe it or not."

The group hesitated for a moment, before cautiously following after him. Alejandro slowly led them along a narrow trail that weaved back and forth through the trees. As they progressed, the path became narrower and narrower, to the point that they had to walk in a single-file line. The trail also became increasingly downhill, getting steeper and steeper. The Brains glanced at one another as they continued to follow Alejandro. The further down they went, the thicker the foliage became, to the point that the trees blocked out all of the remaining sunlight.

"Okay, I'm getting some serious serial killer vibes right now, people," Courtney whispered from the back.

"That's my boyfriend you're talking about," Heather hissed, glaring back at her.

"...As I said, major serial killer vibes."

"I understand your concern, Courtney," Scarlett whispered. "Based simply on his demeanor and speech patterns, the odds are significantly higher than for the average person that Alejandro is, in fact, a murderous sociopath. But if it's any consolation, he would have a very difficult time killing all six of us before we overtake him. The math is not in his favor."

"Unless he's really experienced," Courtney pointed out.

Alejandro suddenly stopped and turned around, scowling. "You do know I can hear you, right?" He shook his head, exasperated. "Seriously, people. I'm a serial killer now? Look, I know some of you may not trust me. But díos mío! That's just taking it too far! Let's at least be somewhat reasonable here! Have some tact!"

"Sounds exactly like something a serial killer would say," Noah said.

"Just go easy on me, okay? Por favor. My mother watches this show." Alejandro shook his head again. "...Anyways, we're here." He turned around and pushed away the leaves in front of him, before walking out into the sunlight. The Brains followed after him, breaking out from under the canopy. Their eyes slowly widened as they gazed around at their surroundings.

Alejandro turned and grinned at them. "Welcome to your new home. La casa de los mentes."

The Brains now stood in a large clearing, situated at the bottom of the waterfall. Water cascaded down in breathtaking display into the pool next to them, where the remains of the raft floated among the rocks. A massive tree towered in the middle of the clearing, casting a looming shadow over them. Sitting on one of the tree limbs was a sturdy-looking tree house, with a rope ladder that dropped to the ground, swaying in the breeze. The Brains team flag was planted next to the tree.

"Wow, this is..." Heather started.

"...Incredible," Harold whispered, walking up behind her.

Heather scowled at him. "Don't ever try to finish another sentence of mine like that again."

"But we have such great chemis-"

"EVER, HAROLD!" Heather shouted, making the nerd quickly scamper away.

Cameron, meanwhile, gazed around in wonder.

"Wow... what is this place?" he gasped.

"As I said five seconds ago, it is your new home," Alejandro said with a smile. "La casa de los mentes."

"It wasn't clever the first time you said it," Courtney said, rolling her eyes.

"Wow... and we already have a shelter?" Cameron asked, walking over and gazing up at the tree house. "That's amazing! I thought for sure that Chris would make us build one ourselves!" He shrugged and turned back to the others. "I guess he doesn't hate us as much as we thought."

"Oh, that shelter is not the work of Chris," Alejandro chuckled. He turned to Scarlett. "Do you approve of the design? I emulated your idea from last season, because it seemed to work so well. Higher positioning will protect us from numerous dang-"

"Wait," Courtney interrupted, walking over to the tree and staring up. "You built that? How?"

"I got here a little earlier than you," Alejandro said, shrugging. "Thought I'd make myself productive. Alejandro has never been one to sit around doing nothing."

"But how'd you even get here before us?" Heather asked in disbelief, approaching them. "We left you behind, back in the river! After Courtney hit you in the face with her paddle!"

"Sorry about that, by the way," Courtney said, looking embarrassed.

Alejandro held up a hand. "No no. No need to apologize. You were simply acting in self-defense, as a strong, independent woman. The water was actually very refreshing, to be honest." He chuckled. "After that incident, I decided to search for our campsite on land instead. And I happened to find a shortcut, which led me here." He pointed to an open wooden box. "I used the numerous tools and supplies in there to build the shelter. That's also where I got the rope that I used to save you from the waterfall." He turned back to Courtney. "And that about sums up my afternoon activities. Was that a worthy explanation?"

"...Well, you've certainly filled in most of the major plotholes," Courtney conceded. "But you haven't addressed the biggest plothole, which is that there is literally no way you were able to do all that in such a short amount of time. It's physically impossible!"

"You underestimate the abilities of someone who is determined to help their friends, Courtney," Alejandro said, gazing dramatically off into the distance.

Courtney started to argue, but Heather interrupted her.

"Don't worry about her, Alejandro. The rest of us really appreciate everything you've done for us."

"What she said!" Cameron agreed.

"Yes, Alejandro is truly an honorable man," Harold said. "He would be welcomed in Japanese society."

"All the data thus far amounts to a strikingly positive impression," Scarlett said, nodding.

"I mean, I'm sure he's got some twisted ulterior motive going on here," Noah said with a shrug. "But I really don't care to find out what that is. So yeah, I'm appreciative."

Alejandro's eyes filled up with tears. "Thank you to all of you. Truly. Your kind words warm my heart." He turned back to the tool kit. "Speaking of warmth, should we get a fuego going?"

"I think it's a well-conceived idea, Alejandro," Scarlett said. "It's almost evening, and it does get cold here at night. A fire would be ideal!"

"Excelente!" Alejandro beamed. "So, if we are to build a fire, we will need someone to collect firew-"

"ME!" Harold shouted, sprinting off into the forest.

"Wait!" Courtney interjected. She turned to Alejandro. "Are you telling me you're planning to stay here with us?"

The Latino nodded. "That was my idea. Just for the night, of course."

"But what about your actual team?"

"They'll be fine," Alejandro said, shrugging. "I'm sure they haven't even noticed I'm missing."

"Wait... you didn't even tell them?" Courtney asked in disbelief.

"Well... no. But that's besides the point. There's too little daylight left for me to make it to our campsite as it is. I would have to sleep somewhere else, anyway. So why not just stay here with my dearest of friends?"

"But-"

Scarlett suddenly placed a hand on Courtney's shoulder. "I think many would classify refusing to allow Alejandro to stay the night, especially after all he's done to aid our team, as a decidedly 'dick move', if you will."

Courtney glanced at her teammates, who were all staring at her. Then she sighed.

"...Fine. But just the night. If I see the creep still here tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be pissed."

"Oh, gracias!" Alejandro cried, reaching forward and embracing her.

"Don't touch me."

Alejandro quickly let go. "Sorry." As Courtney walked away, he brushed himself off. Once everyone had scattered for the most part, he slowly turned around. Sure enough, Heather stood nearby, watching him. Alejandro winked back at her.

Confession Cam

Alejandro (grinning): Well, I'd say this has gone perfectly. Just as I envisioned it.

(Static)

Heather: Ugh... I can't believe he's done this. What is he thinking?!

End of Confessionals

Team Brawn

"Hngh..." Tyler grunted as he pulled himself forward through the mud, covered in sticks and leaves. The jock was deep within a heavy patch of thickets, crawling along the ground through the underbrush. Crawling behind him was Jo, who groaned with frustration as she spat out dirt and pushed branches out of her face. Brick crawled up behind her and tapped her on the back.

"What?" Jo growled, glaring back at him.

"Just wondering how it's looking up there. Have we made any progress?" Brick asked.

"What do you think?" Jo snapped. She sighed. "No, nothing's changed. I've now been crawling through a goddamn bush looking at nothing but Tyler's ass for a whole hour. Just think about that for a moment. An hour." She shook her head. "I can't believe my life has come to this. I had ambition."

Brick smiled comfortingly at her as they crawled forward. "Just keep hope alive, Jo. Yes, we do seem to be a little off course right now. But I know Tyler will get the job done once he finds his mojo. You and I just need to keep giving him that good ol' positive reinforcement. That's key to the success of our troops."

"Does killing him count as positive reinforcement?" Jo asked.

"It does not."

"Damn."

"Guys!" Tyler suddenly shouted from up ahead. "I see light! I SEE LIGHT!" He pointed forward, where sunlight streamed through the spaces between the leaves. The jock jumped and grabbed onto a tree limb, before pulling himself up out of the thickets and into the open clearing.

Brick grinned at Jo as they moved toward the light. "See? I told you! It was just a matter of time!"

Following Tyler's lead, the two pushed their way through the last of the bushes, before climbing up into the clearing. They rose to their feet and stood on the grass for a moment, their eyes adjusting to the light. They slowly realized that they were standing in a very familiar spot.

"Huh," Tyler murmured, scratching his head as he looked at a large wooden sign. "This... doesn't seem right."

Rather than their campsite, the Brawns were back at the Campfire Area, which was now completely deserted. A muddied Duncan and Jasmine climbed out of the thickets behind them and looked around.

"You have got to be f**king with me right now," Duncan said.

"Blimey!" Jasmine groaned, dropping Eva to the ground. "You mean we crawled for that long just to end up back where we started?!"

"Don't worry, people! This is all part of the plan!" Tyler quickly assured, raising his hands. He then pulled out the map and examined it again.

Jo turned to Brick, her arms crossed. Brick glanced at her and shrugged.

"What? You heard the man. It's all part of the plan. He just needed to retrace his steps. Now, starting afresh from where he began, he can really attack the mission head-on."

Before Jo could retort, Tyler rolled up the map and pointed down a different path leading into the forest.

"Okay, that's the way!" the jock declared. "I KNOW it this time!"

Stuffing the map back into his pants, he sprinted off toward the forest once more. His baffled teammates had no choice but to follow.

Twenty minutes later...

"Hmm. This doesn't seem right either," Tyler said, frowning. The Brawns were now standing at the top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Tyler glanced out at the horizon, scratching his head. "Looks like we took slight wrong turn. No worries though! I'm still awesome!"

As he referred to the map once more, Jo once again turned to Brick, her arms crossed. Brick shrugged again.

"What? Tyler just needed a better vantage point. Now he can really assess the topography of the region and plan our next best course of act-"

"ME GO THAT WAY!" Tyler suddenly shouted, pointing back down the cliff. He raced off in that direction, and his teammates reluctantly followed after him.

Twenty minutes later...

Tyler slowly came to a halt on the grass. He looked around silently, saying nothing.

"...This... yeah, this is definitely not right," he finally said. The camera slowly zoomed out, revealing that the Brawns were somehow standing on the Total Drama Action film lot.

Jo turned to Brick, her arms crossed once again. Brick shrugged again, glancing away from her.

"What? Tyler just needed to um, well... okay, I can't defend this one," he admitted reluctantly.

Tyler, meanwhile, pulled out the map, only to have it instantly snatched away. The sports enthusiast gasped and turned to Jo, who now held it in her grasp.

"Give it back!" he shrieked.

"No, Tyler. I will not give it back. This map is mine now," Jo calmly said. "You see, your reign as leader is over. Forever. You cannot convince me otherwise."

"B-but... I need another chance!" Tyler pleaded. "C'mon, Jo! I didn't mess up that badly!"

"'Didn't mess up that badly'?" Jo repeated incredulously. "'Didn't mess up that badly?' Do you see where we are right now?" She beckoned wildly around at the abandoned film lot. "Your sense of direction is so bad that it literally just broke the laws of reality!"

Tyler slumped his shoulders and looked sadly at the ground.

"...You're right," he admitted with a sigh. "Everything you said is true. It's all my fault." He turned away, gazing out at the horizon. "I took charge of this team with nothing but good intentions in my heart, but I couldn't get the job done. I choked. I let you all down. I let myself down." He pounded his fist into his hand. "I just wanted to prove myself, y'know? To finally be remembered for something. All my life, I've always been the-"

"Yeah, nobody cares," Jo interrupted. "We don't have time for your pathetic memoir right now. Now, because of you, even if I do figure out where our campsite is, there's absolutely no way we get there before nightfall. All I can say is that if we run into a bear tonight, you're first on the menu."

Tyler gasped and turned to her. "...Really?"

"Yes. Really."

"So you're saying I'd... I'd get to be first? First place?!"

Jo stared at him. "Uh... sure. I guess you could phrase it that way."

"WOOHOO!" Tyler cheered. "TYLER'S FIRST, BABY!" He started dancing with joy as Jo stared at him, baffled.

Brick leaned over and spoke to her, grinning. "There you go, Jo! That's the type of positive reinforcement that I like to see!"

Scowling, Jo shoved the cadet out of the way and turned to Jasmine. "Hey Jasmine, I need you to help me take a look at this map." Tyler started to walk towards her, but she held out her hand. "I said Jasmine." Tyler slumped his shoulders.

"Yeah, sure," Jasmine said, placing Eva on the ground and walking over. "I can give it a burl."

As Jo began to unfurl the map, she suddenly stopped and frowned. "Hold on. We're minus one douche." She looked around. "Where the hell did Duncan go?"

"Oh yeah. He told me he needed to go get something," Jasmine said with a shrug. "Said he wouldn't be too long. Then he raced off."

"Seriously? What could he even be getting?" Jo groaned. "I swear to God, if he's reliving some stupid Total Drama Action memory right now..." She turned back to Jasmine. "Whatever. If he's not back in time, we leave without him. Now, let's just see what's managed to stump the sentient gym sock for so long."

The female jock unrolled the map, and she and Jasmine looked down at it. They were silent for a long time as they processed what they saw. They both slowly looked up at one another, before staring back down at the map.

The parchment showed a normal layout of the island, with various key features marked. At the center of the layout was a large red circle surrounding a cave. A bright red arrow pointed to the cave, and there was writing above that read: "This is where your campsite is. This cave. Take the main trail from the Campfire Pit and it leads directly there. This is by far the easiest campsite to find. There is no logical way that you won't be able to find it."

Jasmine and Jo glanced back at each other again, still speechless. Finally, Jo sighed and crumpled up the map.

"Okay... I should've seen that one coming." She turned and scowled at Tyler, who was back to dancing, now doing the robot. "I'm glad to see someone's happy. Because I'm personally pissed off that we could have made it to our campsite in minutes if it weren't for you. Seriously, are you illiterate or something?"

Tyler stopped dancing and burst out laughing. "Illiterate? You really think I'm illiterate? Oh my God, that's hilarious." He chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye. "I mean, come on now. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not illiterate. I literate all the time. Give me some credit here, Jo."

"Then what does this say?" Jo asked, pointing to the writing on the map.

Tyler squinted his eyes, examining the words on the page. He tapped his chin, deep in thought. Then, after thirty seconds of silence, Tyler finally looked back to Jo.

"That is a sentence," he concluded.

"I know it's a sentence!" Jo snapped. "But what does the sentence say?"

"Are you really asking me that?" Tyler laughed. "I know what the sentence says, Jo."

"Then what does it say?"

"Words. Duh. I learned this in like, seventh grade."

"That's not what I'm asking and you know it!" Jo shouted.

Suddenly, the sound of a car engine broke through the air. Everyone turned to see a golf cart barreling towards them from the other direction. It screeched to a halt on the asphalt. Then, to everyone's surprise, Duncan stepped out of the driver's seat, grinning.

"Hey guys! What's up?" he called out to his teammates, waving.

"Where'd you find the buggy?" Jasmine asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, I've had this baby for a while," Duncan chuckled. "It was right where I left it." He patted the side of the golf cart fondly. "Stole it from Chris way back in the day, when I was bored during season 2. Reworked the engine, then took it for nightly joyrides. Poor sucker never found out."

"Wow. Such a badass," Jo said, rolling her eyes. "How did I know you were off reliving some stupid memory?"

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" Brick exclaimed, popping up next to her. "Isn't Duncan SO COOL?! Like, how did he do that? I would never be able to do something so cool!"

"That's because you're a pathetic Duncan fangirl," Jo sighed. "And he's not cool in the slightest."

"What?! How could you say that?" Brick gasped. He beckoned to Duncan, who was now carving a skull into the side of the golf cart. "Duncan's the absolute BEST! I mean he's so EDGY and OFFBEAT, yet still so RELATABLE and DOWN-TO-EARTH! And I love HIM and GWEN together because they're both GOTH! PLUS he has a MOHAWK! It's why he's my FAVORITE CHARACT-" Jo suddenly slapped him across the face, snapping him back to his senses. Brick sheepishly rubbed his cheek. "Sorry. Got a little carried away there."

"Don't ever do that again." Jo let go of the cadet and turned back around. "Anyways, who cares that Duncan stole a stupid golf cart? What does that do for us?"

"I mean, I did just find us an easy way to get back to camp," Duncan said, beckoning to the vehicle.

"...Oh. Oh yeah." Jo examined the cart. "And there's enough room for all of us?"

"It'll be a tight fit, but we should be good. We'll just have to really squeeze in," Duncan said with a shrug.

"I see. That's actually... really helpful. Thanks, Duncan."

"That's awesome, Duncan," Jasmine said, smiling appreciatively at him.

"HA! WHEN WILL YOUR FAVE?" Brick declared triumphantly. Everyone stared at him. Brick stopped grinning and awkwardly coughed. He turned back to Duncan, blushing. "Uh... I mean... satisfactory work, private. I appreciate your contribution to the team. At ease. Other military jargon. I'm not weird."

"You know, I really think this just goes to show the power of teamwork, guys," Tyler said, placing a hand on Duncan's shoulder. "After all, this really couldn't have been accomplished without me and Duncan working together. Duncan and I, we're the dream team."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jo snapped. "You did nothing."

"Wrong! How else would Duncan have found the golf cart if I hadn't led us here first?" Tyler pointed out, beaming.

"That's the worst logic I've ever heard," Jo said.

"Why? Because I was one step ahead of the game? It's not my fault I've been playing chess while y'all have been playing checkers." Tyler shrugged. "Not to mention the fact that I told you guys that my favorite sport was golf earlier today, thus subtly implanting the idea in Duncan's head long before we even got here. There are many layers to my genius."

"I don't have any more time for this idiocy," Jo groaned, rubbing her temples. She turned to Duncan. "Rev her up. I wanna get out of here."

Duncan nodded at her and hopped into the driver's seat. He turned the key in the ignition, and the golf cart's engine roared to life. Everyone filed into the vehicle one-by-one until they were crammed tightly together in the two seats, to the point that nobody could rotate their body.

However, there was one more person that had to board.

"WOO! LET'S DO THIS!" Tyler cheered, sprinting toward the golf cart.

"NO!" everyone screamed.

Tyler came to halt, frowning. "Huh? What's the problem? I just want to join the party!"

"Can't you see that there's no more room?" Jo groaned. "We're completely squashed together as is!"

Duncan shook his head, struggling to hold on to the steering wheel as he was pushed up against the side of the cart.

"Man, I don't get it," he said. "I could've sworn there was room for six of us. We're taking up way more space than I expected."

"Sorry, that's probably me," Brick sighed. "I really need to lay off the empty carbs. This is what happens. They go straight to my hips."

"Yeah, you are looking fatter than last time," Jo noted. Brick shamefully nodded.

Jasmine shook her head. "It's not Brick. It's me." She turned to Duncan. "It looks like you forgot that I'm the easily the size of two people when you made your estimate, Duncan."

"Oh yeah," Duncan said. He shrugged. "Well, sh**."

"But then what do we do?!" Tyler asked, panicking. "I don't want to be left out of the party! I've NEVER been left out of a party!"

"First, I highly doubt that," Jo said. "And second, just calm down. We'll have to figure something out." She turned to the others. "Anyone got an idea?"

"Well, there is one place he can go..." Duncan offered.

10 minutes later...

Jo slammed the trunk of the golf cart shut and wiped her hands off. She then squatted down next to it.

"You good in there?" she asked.

"Hell yeah!" came Tyler's muffled voice from inside the trunk. "Now this is EXTREME! WOOHOO!"

"Glad you're having a great time," Jo said. "If you need anything, just let us know. We probably won't hear you but, you know, we might. Probably not, though."

"Got it!" responded Tyler. "Thanks, Jo!" He paused for a moment. "I gotta say, it is a little stuffy in here... heh heh... and my head's sorta spinning... I think I'll just... close my eyes..."

"That's the spirit," Jo said, standing back up. She patted the top of the trunk. "Just take a nap. We'll be at the campsite when you wake up."

Jo then walked back to the front seat and climbed in next to Brick. She gave the thumbs-up to Duncan, who stepped on the gas pedal. The golf cart shot forward, its wheels screeching on the pavement. As they sped forward, Jasmine glanced behind them, frowning.

"I need to ask... why'd we put Tyler in the trunk? Why not Eva? She's already knocked out anyway. She wouldn't even notice."

"Because, Jasmine, there is a very clearly-defined hierarchy on this team," Jo explained. "And right now, Eva's corpse is much higher on the totem pole than Tyler is."

Jasmine said nothing, still frowning.

"I have a more important question," Duncan said as he steered. "How the hell do we get back to Pahkitew Island from here?"

Jo shrugged. "Just go through the same rift in the space-time continuum that Tyler made by taking us here."

"Got it."

Confession Cam

Duncan: Yeah, I'd say I scored a few brownie points with my team by snagging the golf cart. Not like I really need them. Honestly, there's nothing I can do at this point to get booted before Tyler. There's nothing anyone can do to get booted before Tyler. (He smirks.) That's actually a pretty nice luxury to have.

(Static)

Tyler: Look, I know why my team put me in the trunk. I'm not an idiot. (He shakes his head.) The writing's on the wall. I know exactly how they feel about me now. I just wish I'd known earlier. (He pauses.) I mean, I knew they loved me, but I didn't know they loved me that much! Letting me ride in the most EXTREME section of the golf cart? Talk about a story to tell your grandkids! (He grins at the camera.) Thanks, you guys! I owe you one!

End of Confessionals

Brains Campsite

It was early evening now, with the sun just an hour away from setting. Alejandro sat with the other Brains around a roaring campfire. The handsome competitor was in the middle of a campfire story.

"...So, with a cry of fury, I delivered the final blow, plunging my hand into the fearsome beast's chest and pulling out its still-beating heart. It collapsed to the ground before me; at long last, it was dead. I slowly held up my prize, for all of the villagers to see. At long last, their endless nightmare was over, courtesy of Alejandro Burromuerto. I was their savior. The End."

Cameron and Scarlett clapped politely while Courtney scowled. Harold, meanwhile, burst into applause.

"Bravo, bravo!" he cried, wiping away a tear. "That was awesome, Al! Where did you learn to spin such an enchanting yarn?"

"Thank you, Harold," Alejandro said, sitting down. "Campfire stories have been a sacred tradition in the Burromuerto family for many generations. I was taught the value of storytelling by my Uncle Roberto when I was a child."

"I'm pretty sure 'Uncle Roberto' didn't teach you to make your stories self-insert garbage where you verbally jack yourself off for twenty minutes," Courtney asked.

Alejandro ignored her. "Although I must say, it paled in comparison to your campfire story, Harold."

"Aw, shucks," Harold giggled, blushing. "You flatter me."

"I mean it! I still can't get over the plot of your story, Harold. Samurai wizards who learn to tame cyborg dragons in order to fend off the pervasive influence of Western culture? Ingenious!"

"Ugh, don't remind us," Noah said, gagging. Alejandro glanced at the bookworm.

"Surely you have a campfire story to offer, Noah. You're always reading that book rather than interacting with us, after all."

"Nope. No stories from me," Noah said.

"Come on... not even a short one? Sometimes the shortest stories are the most rapturous."

Noah paused. "Well... I do have one story..."

"Ooo! Please share!" Alejandro crossed his legs and leaned towards Noah eagerly.

"Okay. Here goes..." Noah cleared his throat. "Once upon a time, there was a guy who didn't want to tell a story. So he didn't tell a story. The End." He went back to reading his book.

Alejandro frowned. "I must say, I am bit underwhelmed, Noah. That didn't really feel like a story."

"You know, I actually really liked it," Harold said, shrugging. "It really makes you think, you know? Like, why doesn't this man want to tell a story? What aspect of his past has left him with such a bleak outlook on storytelling? It leaves you pondering that question. And in doing so, you get to come up with your own story. Ingenious in its own respect!"

"See? Harold gets it," Noah said.

Alejandro scratched his head. "...I see. Well, thanks for that, Noah." He turned to Courtney, smiling. "Your turn, Courtney."

"Okay, here's my story." Courtney looked directly at Alejandro. "Why are you here?"

"That's... not a story. That is a question, Courtney."

"And now you get to answer it. In the form of a story. Why the hell are you here?"

"Do you mean on this earth? Because that will surely bring up philosophical argument that I'd really not like to get int-"

"No! I mean here, with our team instead of with your own damn team! I want an actual answer! And it can't be a poem like last time!"

Alejandro sighed. "Well, that should be obvious, Courtney. Have you not seen my team? Those self-obsessed heathens, whose only defining characteristics are their ignorance, vapidity, and complete lack of regard for others?"

"Sounds like you fit right in to me," Noah said.

"Hahahaha! You're such a riot, Noah." Alejandro shook his head. "But no, I do not fit in with my team. Not at all. I hate them. They make me ashamed to be beautiful. No; they make me ashamed to be human."

"That sounds like an overreaction," Cameron said.

"Maybe so," Alejandro admitted. "But still, this is where I truly belong." He placed a hand on Cameron's shoulder, smiling. "Among my intellectual equals. While I may technically be a member of Team Beauty, I believe I am a Brain at heart."

"Whoa, you have a brain where your heart is? That sounds abnormal. You might want to get that checked by a medical professional," Harold suggested. "My Uncle Steve had a similar condi—"

"No, Harold. What he's saying is that he thinks he's part of our team. But that is not the case," Courtney growled. "And frankly, I don't believe he actually thinks that for a second." She turned to Alejandro. "Why are you actually here, Al?"

"I speak the truth, Courtney!" Alejandro insisted. "And yet you don't believe me? Why is that?" He sounded hurt.

"Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot, ring a bell? You hated everyone on that team. But I don't seem to recall you ever trying to ditch them for us. And yet here you are." Courtney eyed Alejandro suspiciously over the fire. "No, something else is going on here. And you better tell us what it is."

Alejandro was about to respond, but instead said nothing. The Latino hunk took a deep breath, staring at the fire. He was silent for long time. Then he finally spoke.

"…You're an astute one, Courtney. Unfortunately, I cannot deny your accusations. I am here for another reason. A very personal reason. But I swore I wouldn't lie this time around, so I will stay true to that vow and tell you the truth. Because I consider you my friends."

"Um, I'm fairly certain you already broke that vow," Scarlett pointed out. "Given that you blatantly lied to us before Courtney called you out on it."

"…Starting now," Alejandro said to her with a wink. He turned to face the others. "Contrary to what you all may believe, I am not here with antagonistic intentions. I am here because of one thing. And that, quite simply, is love."

Heather, who had been surprisingly quiet up until now, shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Courtney stared at Alejandro in confusion.

"What are you talking about? Love? That doesn't make any… oh wait." She scowled. "Of course. I forgot AleHeather was canon now. Great."

"It is great, Courtney. It is wonderful! At long last, Heather and I have taken our rightful throne as the crowning couple of the Total Drama franchise!" Alejandro proclaimed with joy. He paused. "Although I do still have mixed feelings about our shipping name. While 'AleHeather' is fine, I personally prefer 'Heatherjandro'. Heather's name deserves to come first. It also has a nice alliterative aspect to it."

"Well, I personally preferred it when Heather kneed you in the crotch and pushed you down the side of a volcano on a giant ice cube, humiliating you on national TV." Courtney shrugged. "But I guess we both can't have everything we want."

"Indeed we cannot, Courtney," Alejandro sighed. "I learned that very early on this time around. When I found out that Heather and I would be on opposite teams this season, I was truly devastated. Spending time away from Heather is the greatest torture known to man. I drive myself insane within minutes, wondering where she is, whom she is with, what she is doing, what other men are luring her into their lovingly sinister embrace... She usually texts me every hour to give me an update, but Chris confiscated our phones. I had to make sure she would be all right." He shrugged. "So, what other choice did I have but to tag along with your team?"

"Well, you could have chosen to not be such a controlling and possessive boyfriend," Noah suggested.

Alejandro laughed heartily. "Oh, how I missed your sarcastic quips, Noah. They always bring a smile to my face." He chuckled, shaking his head. "However, I think I'll trust my own instincts when it comes to my relationship, rather than the instincts of someone who lapses into analeptic shock for an entire episode whenever a woman exercises her right to reject him."

"You watched The Ridonculous Race?" Noah asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why of course! I had to show my support for you and Owen, as my fellow Total Drama alumni. And I must say, you two did an excellent job stumbling ass-backwards into 7th place while adding nothing of significance to the season."

"Thanks."

"You're quite welcome, Noah. When you get the chance, tell Owen I still despise him." Alejandro turned back to Courtney. "But now do you understand? I would do anything for Heather. I would build her 100 rafts if she were to ask. Yes, we are on opposite teams, and technically, that means I should not help her. But our relationship is not bound by the trivialities of the game. And I can say with certainty that I would willingly sacrifice my own shot at the million if it meant a better shot for her. Because I love her. It is a love that consumes every fiber of my being like an unstoppable fire." He smiled at the C.I.T. "You once felt the same way about Duncan, did you not?"

Courtney burst out laughing. "Good one."

"Oh. My mistake. I meant Scott," Alejandro said, nodding. He turned back and gazed at the fire. "In this game, it is so hard to find people who you can trust. But I know that I can always rely on Heather. For lack of a better term, screw my teammates. My only allegiance is to her. And together, we will dominate this game. There is no way we can't. We're the two most powerful players this game has ever seen, united as one! It is fate. It is our destiny."

The Brains all glanced at one another nervously as he said this. Heather suddenly got up from her stump and walked over to Alejandro. She tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey... can I talk to you for a moment? In private?"

"Of course!" Alejandro said, standing up. Grabbing his hand, Heather led him away into the forest.

The couple eventually arrived in a smaller clearing, surrounded by trees. They came to a stop here. Alejandro looked around.

"Ah... good thinking. Our teammates will never find us here," he said, nodding with approval. He slowly leaned forward, his lips puckered.

"We're not here to make out, you idiot."

"...Oh." Alejandro hung his head for a moment, before looking up at Heather hopefully. "But is it still part of the festivities?"

"I have a question, Alejandro," Heather said. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

Alejandro glanced at her. She was glaring at him with her hands on her hips.

"Um... right now?" the Latino asked, frowning. "Standing in a clearing with you, very disappointed that we are not making out. Is this a trick question?"

"You know that's not what I'm talking about," Heather growled. "Just tell me. Why are you so intent on tanking our games?!"

"Tanking?!" Alejandro gasped. "Que?! No! I am doing no such thing!"

"Yes you are! It's exactly what you're doing!"

"How so?"

"Following my team around nonstop? Professing your love for me in front of all my teammates? What do you call that?"

"I call that being a good boyfriend!"

"Exactly," Heather groaned. "And that's the entire problem here."

"Why is it a problem?" Alejandro asked, crossing his arms. "We're in a relationship, in case you forgot."

"Ugh.. you actually don't get it?" Heather shook her head. "Tell me something, Al. How are you and I viewed by everyone else?"

"Why, it's obvious." Alejandro grinned evilly. "They're terrified of us. They know all too well that you and I are head-and-shoulders above them in all facets of this game. And it's wonderful."

Heather scowled at him. "It's not wonderful! It's a bad thing! You shouldn't be happy about that!"

"Why not? It's the truth." Alejandro shrugged. "They should be scared. They should tremble before our greatness. I mean, look at us, Heather. We're two of the most legendary players this game has ever seen, strategic masterminds of the highest caliber. And we're surrounded by a cast of nobodies like Tyler. They don't stand a chance. One-by-one, we will crush their hopes and dreams yet again, and there is absolutely nothing they can do about it."

"They can vote us out," Heather said.

Alejandro burst out laughing. "Good one, Heather. No they can't."

"Yes, they can! And they will! Do you not know how returning players seasons work? Your reputation is everything. And guess what? Everyone knows you're a sociopath. Everyone knows I'm a conniving bitch. We can't shake those reputations." Heather sighed. "We were already in trouble before we even stepped onto the beach. People just aren't gonna waste their time targeting Tyler or Anne Maria when we're in the cast."

"So? Who cares?" Alejandro crossed his arms. "Let them come after us! It will do them no good. Our strategic abilities are far too great. Just because there may be more of them than us, does not mean that they can vote us out."

"Yes it does! Do you even understand how voting works? It literally only depends on who has more people! That's the GAME!" Heather shouted. She shook her head. "And what's the only thing that's more threatening in the game than two major strategic threats? Two major strategic threats that are in a relationship."

"They can't hold that against us. It's not our fault that we have been bitten by the culebra of love!"

"Do you think the other players care? No. To them, all that matters is that if we're in a relationship, that means we're in an alliance. It's just one more way that we're a threat." Heather shrugged. "So really, our gameplan is simple. You and I need to do whatever we can to reduce that threat to the others."

Alejandro stared at her. "What... what are you suggesting here?"

"We can't be seen together. The less we interact, the better. We need everyone to forget we're even in a relationship."

"No! Absolutely not!" Alejandro gasped. "I do not approve of that plan!"

"Then do you want to lose?!" Heather snapped. "Is that what you want? Because that's what's going to happen!"

"No. You know better than anyone that's not the case. That is why the Alejandro never loses."

"Oh, really? Because I seem to recall that 'the Alejandro' has already lost twice. Does the Alejandro want to make it a threepeat?"

"Actually, I'm technically the official winner of Total Drama World Tour. My alternate ending aired in Canada," Alejandro pointed out. Noticing Heather glaring at him, he shrugged. "Just felt the need to correct you there." He shook his head. "But it's different now, Heather. My priorities have changed. Losing is one thing. But you are more than that." He slowly took her hand, gazing into her eyes. "You're the only person that makes me happy, the only person who sees me for who I am. I'm not willing to sacrifice you for anything. Not even for the million dollars."

"You're not 'sacrificing' me!" Heather groaned, ripping her hand out of his grasp. "It's just during the competition!"

"That's what they all say," Alejandro muttered.

"Who's 'they'?"

"That's beside the point. Heather, you must respect my decision. That's all I ask. Por favor."

"You seriously expect me to respect your decision to be such an insecure bitch that you can't even take a break from our relationship for, like, 25 days? No! That's pathetic! You told me you wouldn't be clingy like that!"

"Oh, it will be far longer than 25 days, Heather," Alejandro said, shaking his head. "It can take months for each update to arrive when it comes to stories like these. It could very well be decades before we are reunited!"

"...I'm not even going to try to figure out what the hell you're talking about," Heather sighed. She looked directly at him. "I'm just gonna lay it out on the table. You need to suck it up and do what's best for our game. And if you don't, and you cost me the game because of it, there will be consequences."

"...What kinds of consequences?"

"You'll be lucky to ever hear from me again."

Alejandro stared at his girlfriend in shock.

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes next to them, and Dawn climbed out. She sighed with relief when she saw Alejandro.

"There you are!" She glided over to him, smiling. "I had a feeling I'd find you here. You have no idea how worried we all were about you!" She glanced at Heather, and then back to Alejandro. "Oh... I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"No, you aren't," Heather said. "In fact, Alejandro was actually just telling me how he needed to go find his teammates." She looked pointedly at Alejandro. "Right, Al?"

Alejandro caught her gaze and swallowed deeply. He quickly turned back to Dawn.

"...Yes. What Heather said is correct," he said. "I lost you all at the campfire pit when I went to the bathroom, so I tagged along with the Brains. I'm so glad you found me."

Dawn looked at him strangely, but said nothing.

"Well, then. Looks like everything is fine now. I'll see you later, Al," Heather said, nodding at Alejandro. She started to walk away.

"Wait! Can I at least have a hug goodb..."

Alejandro trailed off as he realized she was already gone.

Confession Cam

Heather: Yes, I felt sort of bad having to put my foot down with Alejandro like that. Maybe it wasn't my most "graceful" tactic. But I need to get his head in the game somehow. Hopefully this does the trick.

(Static)

Alejandro (staring off into space): Man... I never really noticed how beautiful Heather is when she's telling me to f**k off. (He sighs dreamily.)

End of Confessionals

Alejandro and Dawn now walked down a wide trail through the forest, heading back to the Beauty campsite as the sun began to dip below the tree tops. As they progressed, animals continued to join them, following behind. Squirrels waved at Dawn from their burrows; butterflies landed on her head, fluttering their wings; and hundreds of birds flew around in the air, singing.

Dawn glanced back at Alejandro, who was awkwardly trying to walk without stepping on the countless animals scampering about.

"How's it going back there?" she asked.

Alejandro looked up at her, exasperated. "Does this really happen to you everywhere you go?"

"Yes, it does," Dawn said, smiling and nodding. "Isn't it wonderful? It's such a treat to see all of the animals outside, enjoying themselves!"

"I personally find it incredibly disturbing," Alejandro said, glancing at a large grizzly bear that was tapdancing nearby.

"Are you referring to Walter? Oh, don't mind him," Dawn said, smiling at the bear. "He's just rehearsing for a big recital next week."

"Can't he do it somewhere else? Like literally anywhere else?" Alejandro asked. He cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted at the bear. "YOU HEARD ME, WALTER! GO BACK TO WHATEVER BACKWARDS, PERVERSE PIXAR DREAMLAND YOU CAME FROM, YOU ANTHROMORPHIC ABOMINATION!"

Dawn slowed down until she was next to Alejandro. "Are you sure you're okay? Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm fine," Alejandro quickly said, forcing a smile. "Sorry, that was a little harsh. It's just been a long day." He glanced at Dawn. "How did you find me so quickly, anyway?"

"Oh, that was the easy part," Dawn laughed. "I just followed your aura!"

Alejandro came to a halt and stared at her.

"My aura? You can... follow it?"

"In certain instances, yes," Dawn said, nodding. "As you may know, I used to only be able to read people's auras by holding their hand. But I've found that my abilities have gotten stronger over time. I now can sense many people's auras without touching them. The closer I get to them, the stronger the sensation becomes."

"Wow. So you can track a person at all times, despite how far away you are?" Alejandro shook his head and sighed. "What I wouldn't give for a power like that. It would certainly make my love life easier."

Dawn shook her head. "Not quite. In most instances, I can only sense someone's aura from a few feet away. But you're different, Alejandro. You have such a strong aura that its radius extends for many miles."

Alejandro nodded with approval. "But of course. That would only make sense. Alejandro Burromuerto excels at all aspects of his life, and his aura is no exception!"

"Actually, having a strong aura isn't necessarily a good thing. In your case, you're pretty much filled to the brim with repressed childhood memories."

"Huh?"

Suddenly, there was a low rumble in the distance.

The animals all stopped their activities and fell quiet, frozen in place. There was a moment of silence. Then they scattered in all directions, disappearing into the foliage and leaving the trail empty.

Dawn quickly turned to Alejandro.

"We need to find shelter," she said urgently. "Before we get caught!"

"Get caught in what?" Alejandro asked, frowning.

"There's a storm on the horizon, Alejandro. And it could be here any minute."

"Oh, come on. The sky is perfectly clear. Anyways, I personally would like to go back to that wholly unnecessary comment you just made about me."

"There's no time!" Dawn exclaimed, grabbing Alejandro by the hand. She started racing down the path, dragging him along with her.

"Stop! Where are we going?!" Alejandro demanded.

"We need protection," Dawn said as she ran. "And there's one place I know that's perfect!"

Five minutes later...

Dawn and Alejandro now sat crouched inside of a beaver dam.

"'Perfect' would not be my first adjective to describe this place," Alejandro said, glancing around. A beaver's tail suddenly smacked him in the face. "OW!"

"Perhaps not. But it should shield us from the worst of it," Dawn said. Eight beavers were all cuddled up against her, fast asleep.

"The worst of it? How bad is this storm going to be, that we have to resort to this?" Alejandro asked. He tried to pull a beaver out of his hair, but it dug its claws into his forehead. "AUGH!"

"Oh, quite bad indeed. Without shelter, I'm not sure anyone could survive this," Dawn said, looking worried. "In fact, I'm almost certain that this storm will destroy almost everything in its path." She turned and smiled at Alejandro. "Good thing our teammates have been building a shelter all afternoon!"

Beauty Beach

Justin lay on his back in his beach chair, sunbathing. His eyes were closed, his skin now a crisp dark tan. Justin suddenly lifted himself for a moment, looking as if he were about to get up. Instead, he flipped himself onto his stomach, sighing and closing his eyes once more. He did not notice the storm clouds quietly approaching in the distance.

Time passed. A slight breeze started to come in from the ocean.

The clouds continued to move towards the beach, until they were directly overhead. They suddenly blocked out the last of the sun, enveloping Justin in a shadow. The model instantly sat up, scowling.

"Anne Maria! What did I say about standing over me like that? You screw up my whole sunbathing ritual!" He paused as he realized that Anne Maria wasn't standing next to him. Justin glanced to his right. The Jersey girl lay fast asleep in the adjacent beach chair. Justin slowly glanced up, squinting his eyes. His face drained of color when he saw the storm clouds that now loomed ominously above. He turned to his left and slowly nudged Chef awake.

"Um... Chef?" Justin asked, his voice trembling. He pointed up at the sky. "What is that?"

Chef yawned and rubbed his eyes. He sat up in his chair and looked at the sky. He then turned to Justin.

"That's my cue to leave," he answered. The cook then stood up and grabbed his beach chair. With the chair tucked under his arm, he waved goodbye to Justin, before running over to a truck that was parked at the edge of the forest. Stuffing the beach chair in the back, Chef hopped into the driver's seat and started the ignition. He adjusted the rear view mirror, preparing to back out.

"Great idea, Chef," Justin suddenly said from the passenger seat, grinning. The model was now fully dressed. "I love your thinking. We'll just stay at your place while the storm passes!"

"That's what I'm doing," Chef said, turning to him. "But your team has gotta stay here."

Justin shrugged. "Fine by me. We can leave them here. I don't care about them." He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror, frowning. "Man, I could really use a spa day. Does your trailer happen to include a jacuzzi?"

"Your team happens to include you."

Justin frowned. "Uh... yeah. So?"

"I can't take you with me, Justin."

Justin slowly turned to Chef and gasped. "No. You mean you're going to leave me here? To DIE?" He burst out laughing. "Okay... good one, Chef. You almost had me there. For second, I really thought you were-" He was cut off as Chef grabbed him by his shirt collar. The model's eyes widened. "Wait! Let's be reasonable here-" Justin screamed as he was hurled out of the truck and landed in the sand. He frantically scrambled to his feet.

"Wait! Please! I BEG OF YOU!" he cried, clinging to the side of the vehicle. "Why are you doing this?!"

Chef shrugged. "Chris's orders. Gotta follow them."

"No you don't! You don't have to do what he says, remember?" Justin pleaded. "You're a free man! You're not his slave!" He paused. "For the record, I did not intend for that to have any racial implications."

"Listen, Justin... you're a great kid, with a great butt," Chef sighed. "And I wish I could help you out. I really do. Because to be honest, your whole team is absolutely f**ked. But at the end of the day, your butt ain't the one writing my paychecks. That's the butt of Chris Mclean."

Justin crossed his arms, scowling. "Oh, okay. I see how it is. So all you care about is money, huh? That's it? That's what your morals come down to?"

"Pretty much," Chef said, shrugging. "What can I say? I'm basic. Anyway, I'll see ya around, Justin." With that, he hit the gas. The truck's tires squealed, and it sped off, knocking Justin to the ground again. Justin cupped a hand to his mouth and yelled after him.

"WELL SCREW YOU TOO THEN, CHEF! CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM JUSTIN LAND! PERMANENTLY! I THOUGHT WE HAD AN ILLEGAL ALLIANCE IN THE MAKING, BUT I GUESS NOT!" The model turned back around and kicked the sand in frustration. "Damn it!"

Suddenly, there was a clap of thunder. Justin glanced nervously up at the clouds, which were growing increasingly dark. Suddenly, he felt a drop of rain. The supermodel screamed and ran over to his teammates, who were all still asleep. He started shaking their beach chairs, jostling them awake.

"WAKE UP, PEOPLE!" he shouted, his eyes bloodshot. "WE NEED TO BUILD A SHELTER!"

Confession Cam

Justin: Yeah, the situation was dire. But I had to stay composed at all costs.

End of Confessionals

"MORE WOOD!" Justin shouted. His teammates were now running around as a light sprinkle fell through the air and thunder rumbled in the distance. Each was performing a different task, but no one seemed to have any clue what they were doing. Anne Maria was digging furiously through the sand, Sugar was repeatedly hammering a single piece of driftwood, and Justin was all but having a mental breakdown as he barked out orders.

"C'MON, PEOPLE! DON'T STOP! WE CAN DO THIS! WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER!"

"What else do we need?!" Topher asked anxiously, running up to him.

Justin glanced at him. "Um... wood? I don't know! I'm not some sort of shelter-building expert! Just keep doing shelter-y things!" The rain became heavier. Screaming, Justin sprinted into the woods, grabbed another log, and ran back with it. He tossed it onto the jumbled wood pile that had accumulated in the middle of the beach. He then grabbed a beach chair, and tossed it onto the pile as well. He wiped his hands off.

"T-there! That's a shelter, right?"

"Um... no," Topher said, examining the pile. "I don't think it is."

"Shut up! It's a shelter! Watch!" Justin dove forward into the wood pile. He landed on top with a painful thud. "Ow..."

The rain suddenly turned into a full-on downpour. Anne Maria ran over, looking up at her hair in horror, which was sagging.

"My pouf! It's gettin' ruined!" she shrieked.

"Who cares about your 'poof'?!" Justin cried, jumping up from the wood pile, his clothes soaked. "I'm literally dying!" He started to hyperventilate. "I can't die yet! I haven't even had a spa day! My corpse can't have split-ends!" The darkening sky was suddenly illuminated by a burst of lightning. "Okay, I give up! New plan! EVERYONE TAKE COVER!"

As chaos ensued, Justin frantically looked around, trying to find a place to hide. He suddenly noticed a palm tree just a few yards away. The model ran over and huddled underneath the leaves. In doing so, he managed to block himself from most of the rain. Justin heaved a sigh of relief.

"Perfect. Okay, Justin. Just stay here until the storm's over," he said to himself, sitting down in the sand and checking his reflection.

"How long do you think that'll be?" Sugar asked. "Cause Sugar's pretty hungry, not gonna lie." Justin whipped around and glared at the pageant girl, who was sitting right next to him.

"Go hide somewhere else!" the hunk hissed. "There isn't room for you under here! You're way too fat!"

Sugar ignored him, her attention focused elsewhere.

"Ooooooo! Would ya look at that?" she marveled, staring up towards the top of the tree. "Those brown circles up there sure look tasty. But dang it, they're so far up!"

"You mean 'coconuts'?" Justin asked incredulously, looking up. "Do you actually not know that word? I'm pretty sure that's a word you're supposed to know by now."

"Who cares what they're called?" Sugar snapped. "You can call 'em Larry for all I care! All I know is that they're gonna be MINE!"

"Oh really? And just how are you going to- NO! STOP! DON'T DO THAT!" Justin screamed as Sugar started to climb up the side of tree, making the entire trunk bend violently under her weight. Anne Maria suddenly joined Justin under the tree.

"Wow! Great idea, Justin baby!" the Jersey girl exclaimed. "We'll definitely be safe under here!"

Justin turned to her, scowling. "Well, it's not here for you be safe under! This is my shelter! This is my palm tree!"

"Ooo... really?" Anne Maria gasped. She winked at him. "Well, you know how much I've always wanted to see your palm tree."

"Was that supposed to be an innuendo?" Justin asked, staring at her. "I really hope that wasn't supposed to be an innuendo."

"That was definitely an innuendo, dude," Topher answered, walking over and joining them. "By palm tree, she meant your massive, rock-hard-"

"I KNOW WHAT SHE MEANT, TOPHER!" Justin shouted. He glared at the brown-haired teen. "And why are you here?! Is this really the only place you could be right now? Because I'm pretty it's not. I'm pretty sure there are other palm trees on this beach, people! SERIOUSLY!"

"But we're a team, aren't we?" Anne Maria asked, frowning. "Shouldn't we be together at a time like this? You know... united as one?"

"No! None of that matters anymore. Teams are irrelevant from here on out. Do you not see what is happening right now?" Justin pointed up. "There is water. Falling from the SKY! Society is out the window at this point, people. It's every man for himself."

"I know!" Topher laughed. "Isn't it awesome?!"

"You need professional help, Topher."

Topher placed a hand on Justin's shoulder. "Come on, Justin. This is what Total Drama's all about! This is what we signed up for!"

"Speak for yourself!" Justin snapped as thunder clapped overhead. "This is not what I signed up for! I just wanted to work on my tan and promote my designer thongs and call it a day!"

"Hold on," Anne Maria said. "Topher's usually wack, but he might actually got a point here." She smiled at Justin. "Maybe we just gotta have a more positive outlook on things! Like... sure, it's raining. But we could be... uh... dead!"

"So? Being dead isn't so bad," Justin retorted. "At least a coffin is a shelter."

"I mean, you're the one who insisted that we didn't need a shelter in the first place," Topher pointed out. "Do you really get to complain?"

"What are you talking about? I totally wanted to build a shelter, but you people were too lazy!" Justin scoffed, crossing his arms.

"I think that's revisionist history," Topher said.

"Your FACE is revisionist history!" Justin shouted. The model chuckled. "Wow, that was a good one. I can't believe I just came up with that, off-the-cuff. Even in this moment of strife, I still can have a knack for comedic tim-"

Justin was cut off as Sugar suddenly crash-landed on top of him, flattening him into the sand. She proudly held up a coconut.

"I GOT one!"

Confession Cam

Topher: I gotta hand it to Chris... I almost thought he'd gone soft on us. But man, he always knows how to hit us with the curveball when we least expect it! (Suddenly, the roof of the Confessional collapses in on him, crushing him to the floor in a pile of dust and rubble. He slowly raises his head and grins.) See?

End of Confessionals

Team Brawn

The golf cart came to a stop in the dark, pouring rain. A drenched Jo took out the soaked map and examined it. She looked back up, frowning.

"This should be it," she said. Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning, illuminating a large, gaping cave. A flag with the Brawns team logo stuck out of the ground next to it, billowing wildly in the wind. The passengers glanced at one another.

"Well... it's a shelter," said Jasmine. Everyone nodded.

The golf cart slowly continued forward into the cave, until it came to a stop inside. One-by-one, the Brawns stepped out of the passenger seat and began drying off.

"Screw it," Jo said, looking around at the cave walls at she shook out her hair. "It's not a tropical beach, but I'll take it. We'll be safe here, at least." She suddenly noticed Duncan, who was silently trying to get her attention. "What? What's your deal?"

Duncan put a finger to his lips and slowly pointed to his right. Jo turned in that direction, and saw what he was pointing at. The female jock swallowed deeply and fell silent.

There, sitting on a couch just a few feet away, was Sasquatchanawkwa. The large purple yeti was watching TV, with a remote in one hand and a bucket of popcorn in the other. He somehow hadn't noticed them yet, too occupied by the program.

A beaming Brick walked over to Jo, his hair drenched.

"Man, I don't know about you guys, but I love a good thunder storm!" he proclaimed. "This is the sort of weather that really builds character! I remember one time at boot cam-" He was cut off as Jo clamped a hand over his mouth. "Mmph!"

Still covering Brick's mouth, Jo jerked a thumb at the situation in front of them. Brick's eyes widened at the sight, and he quickly fell silent as well. Jo then slowly removed her hand from his mouth.

The Brawns all glanced at each other, before hurrying over and huddling next to the golf cart.

"W-what do we do?" Brick frantically whispered.

"You think I know?" Jo whispered back. "I don't even know what that thing is doing here! I thought it was still on Wawanakwa Island!"

"Chris obviously brought him here as a little 'surprise' for us," Duncan sighed.

"Well, there has to be something we can do," Jasmine whispered.

"Yeah. Go fight it, Jasmine," Jo suggested.

"What? No! I'm not gonna do that!"

"C'mon! You're the same size as it! You can take it on!"

"No way! That thing will tear me to shreds!"

"Fine." Jo turned to Duncan. "It's all up to you, Duncan."

"Hell no!"

"C'mon. You've easily got the most plot armor here. You'll be fine."

"My plot armor won't protect me from that!"

"So? Stop being a wimp! It's for the team!"

"Why don't you go confront it, Jo? You're the leader, after all."

"Um, because if I die, then the team won't have a leader? Duh!"

As the Brawns continued to argue, the camera panned over to the trunk of the golf cart. There was a series of bangs from inside, before it suddenly burst open. Tyler slowly crawled out, rubbing his head and groaning. The jock collapsed on the cave floor, before placing his palms on the ground and slowly rising to his feet. He breathed deeply, gasping for air.

"Ugh... finally!" he wheezed. He glared at his teammates. "Thanks for not noticing I was still in the trunk during that whole dramatic exchange! What am I, Tyler?" He paused. "Oh wait. I am Tyler." He shook his head, chuckling. "Wow, that's actually kind of weird when you think about it. Like, the joke is usually that whoever is being called Tyler isn't actually Tyler. But here I am. I'm actually Tyler. Heh heh. My mind's kinda blown right now." He turned around, and gasped. "Whoa, sick TV, dude!"

"NO, TYLER!"

Tyler ignored his teammates as he ran over and flopped down on the couch next to Sasquatchanawkwa. He squinted at the TV screen, which was currently playing The Bachelor. The athlete frowned, scratching his head.

"Yo, what are we watching right now?" he asked. "I've never seen this before. What sport is this?" Sasquatchanakwa didn't respond, his eyes focused on the screen. The show was in the middle of an elimination ceremony, as the bachelor began to pass out roses to the group of anxious girls.

"Okay, this is super lame," Tyler groaned. "Who cares about flowers? Flowers are for babies and old women! Let's watch some real sports!" He suddenly snatched the remote out of Sasquatchanawka's hand, making his teammates gasp. Tyler then flipped the switch, and the channel changed to a hockey game. The jock leaned back on the couch, grinning. "There we go! Now this is some quality entertainment. Say, can you pass the popcorn, dude?"

Sasquatchanawkwa slowly turned to him. A chilling silence fell over the cave.

"...Oh God," Brick whispered. "What has Tyler done?! Everyone knows that you NEVER change the channel during a rose ceremony. EVER." Noticing his teammates staring at him, he shrugged. "What? I only know that because my sisters watch The Bachelor."

"I thought you told us you were an only child," Duncan said.

Brick tugged at his collar. "Uh... so? You can be an only child and still have siblings."

"No you can't," Jo said.

Brick swallowed deeply. "Well... um..." He threw up his hands in exasperation. "It's a well-produced television program, okay?!"

Sasquatchanakwa, meanwhile, got up from the couch. Tyler didn't notice until the purple yeti stepped in front of him, blocking his view of the TV screen. The jock looked up at Sasquatchanawka, who was glaring down at him.

"Yo, man, can you move? I'm tryna watch the game, not look at your junk."

Sasquatchanawkwa responded by letting loose a roar that shook the ground and echoed throughout the cave. Tyler shrieked and jumped back by behind the couch. He slowly lifted his head, trembling.

"What the heck was that, man?! That has to break the Bro Code or something!"

Sasquatchanawka took a step toward him, climbing over the couch. Tyler frantically scrambled backward, until he was up against the wall.

"H-help!" he screamed. He looked around frantically as the yeti approached him. "HELP! THIS DUDE'S COMMITTING A SERIOUS PARTY FOUL!"

"Oh my gosh! We have to save Tyler!" Brick cried, starting forward. "WE'RE COMING, TYLER! HANG IN THERE, BUDDY!"

Jo held the cadet back. "Stop! What do you expect us to actually do? We can't take that thing on!"

Brick turned to her, wide-eyed. "But we can't just let Tyler get eaten!"

"Hey, it's called natural selection," Jo said with a shrug. "Tyler obviously isn't meant to stay in the gene pool. He brought this on himself."

"There has to at least be something we can do!" Brick pleaded.

"Yeah," Jo said, nodding. "We can sit here and watch Tyler get eaten."

"No! There has to be something else!"

"Sure. We can crouch instead of sit while we watch Tyler get eaten."

Brick was about to protest more, when he suddenly noticed Eva's unconscious body resting behind him, slumped against the cave wall. The cadet thought for a moment. Then his eyes lit up.

Confession Cam

Brick: My first time around, I thought my military expertise alone would carry me through the competition. But Total Drama was nothing like anything I'd seen out in the field. I knew that if I wanted any real shot at winning this game in the future, I'd have to study it closely, and come to know it like I know my own mother. (He pounds his fist into his hand.) I've dedicated myself to that mission ever since. I've rewatched every episode. I've analyzed every bonus scene. I've read every fanfic. I've chatted on every forum. And in doing so, I've gathered as much 'Total Drama' intel as humanly possible. Now, with my powerful arsenal of Total Drama trivia facts, I'm fully prepared to tackle all possible situations in this game! I'm the ultimate Total Drama mega-soldier! (He grins proudly. Then he pauses, and slowly rubs the back of his neck.) ...I may have had a little too much free time.

End of Confessionals

Brick got up from the hiding spot and snuck over to Eva. Gritting his teeth, the cadet reached down and grabbed the bodybuilder under her arms, before lifting her up off the ground. Holding Eva's body in front of him, he then slowly marched toward the yeti. His teammates' eyes widened as he walked past the golf cart.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jo whispered.

"Making use of the available resources!" Brick declared as he continued forward. He stopped a few yards away from the yeti, propping Eva up so that it looked like she was standing. "HEY! Bigfoot! Over here! Look who came to visit!"

Sasquatchanawkwa paused as he cornered Tyler, turning at the sound of Brick's voice. His eyes widened in horror when he saw Eva standing before him.

"Yeah, that's right!" Brick shouted. "Now unless you want a repeat of last time, you better scram!"

Whimpering, the yeti ran over and grabbed his TV set and couch. He then sprinted over to the golf cart, stuffed the furniture items in the back, and hopped into the driver's seat.

Duncan jumped up. "Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, man? That's my golf cart!"

However, before the delinquent could stop him, Sasquatchanakwa hit the acceleration and sped out of the cave. Duncan sighed as he watched the cart disappear into the forest. Brick, meanwhile gently placed Eva's body back against the wall, before walking back over to his teammates.

"Mission accomplished!" he declared, saluting. "I have successfully mitigated the threat."

"How did you know that would work?" Jasmine asked, raising an eyebrow. "That was some really quick thinking."

"Season 1, Episode 15," Brick said. "Eva had to spend ten seconds inside a wooden crate with Sasquatchanakwa as part of the 'Say Uncle' challenge. It was a vicious encounter, with Eva ultimately emerging victorious. Sasquatchanakwa has been terrified of her ever since. Good thing I remembered that just in the nick of time."

"Wow. Talk about obscure trivia facts," Jo said, staring at him. "Why the hell do you know that?"

Brick winked at her. "I think you'll be surprised a lot, Jo. I'm full of surprises this season." As he chuckled, the cadet glanced down, and immediately stiffened up.

"Is something wrong?" Jasmine asked.

"N-nope! Absolutely n-nothing!" Brick stammered, quickly placing his hands over his crotch. "Excuse me, ma'am."

He then sprinted out of the cave into the pouring rain.

Confession Cam

Brick: Ugh! I swear, every time I get even slightly scared by something, my bladder just feels the need to stop functioning. It's so annoying! Nobody will take me seriously as a competitor if I don't stop peeing in my pants! There has to be a way around this. (He gasps.) Wait a minute. What if I just stop wearing pants? Then there's no way it'll ever happen! YES! (He pauses, and groans.) Ugh, what are you even thinking, Brick? That's so STUPID! (He bangs his head against the wall in frustration.)

(Static)

Jo: Here I was, thinking Brick was a non-factor in this game. But he may be more of a threat than I realized, now that he's somehow absorbed Sierra's freaky superfan powers. That's a dangerous and terrifying combo quite frankly. I'll be keeping a much closer eye on him.

End of Confessionals

Beaver Dam

It was now nighttime. Dawn and Alejandro sat together among the driftwood, with beavers nestled all around them, fast sleep. Outside, the storm continued to rage, rattling the dam every so often.

"…We spent the rest of the night out by the moonlit water, gazing up at the endless stars, bodies entwined in an endless embrace. In that moment, we were infinite," Alejandro said. He leaned back and sighed. "That was the first time Heather ever told me 'I love you'."

"Awww…" Dawn swooned.

"I know, right? But as you know, it did take quite a while." Alejandro chuckled. "84 times, to be exact. I told her 'I love you' 84 times before she finally reciprocated."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. "What would she do when you said it before then?"

"Insult me, usually. Publicly humiliate me, often. Or kick me in the crotch. In a flirtatious way, of course."

"Oh my! That sounds horrible!"

"Si, it was," Alejandro laughed. "Very horrible. The word 'horrible' pretty much sums up our relationship." He leaned back, still chuckling. Noticing Dawn looking at him strangely, the ladies' man cringed. "Sorry… that came out wrong." He shrugged. "I mean, I won't deny it. Our relationship is horrible. We are horrible people, Dawn. Half our conversations are spent making fun of homeless people or obese children. Nonetheless, it is the best type of horrible on earth." He sighed with content. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"That makes perfect sense," Dawn said, smiling. "You really do think Heather's the one, don't you?"

Alejandro turned to her, eyebrow raised. "Did you just read my aura again?"

"…No. I've just been listening to you talk about her incessantly for the past two hours," Dawn said, grinning.

Alejandro smirked back at her. "Oh, okay. So you're being a hater now. Don't forget that you're the one who prompted it, chica. Not me."

"I just asked you if you were still together with Heather. It was a yes-or-no question."

"And I answered. In the form of a two-hour monologue. You never specified."

"Fair enough," Dawn giggled. She suddenly looked directly into Alejandro's eyes. "Just remember that Heather loves you, too, Alejandro."

"Well, of course. I know that," Alejandro said, frowning.

"Do you, Alejandro? Or is something troubling you?"

"Nope. Nothing at all. Uh, anyways, it's getting pretty late, we should probably—"

"Hmm…" Dawn suddenly took Alejandro's hand in hers and closed her eyes. "I sense… doubt. No, stronger than doubt… fear. I sense a great fear within you."

"Fear?" Alejandro laughed. "Obviously your aura reading needs some work. The Alejandro fears nothing." He tried to free his hand from Dawn's, to no avail.

"You fear that you are going to lose her," Dawn said. Alejandro's stopped smiling. Dawn's frown deepened as she continued to read his aura. "No- you fear that you are losing her. In fact, you fear that you may have lost her already."

"Who? Who are we talking about here? Certainly not still Heather, right? That'd be ridiculous. Heh heh. Please let go of my hand."

Dawn opened her eyes again. "I know you're afraid, Alejandro. You have every right to be. What you've been through… it's no wonder you became so emotionally reserved."

"I… you don't…"

"You opened your heart to love when you were younger, gave it everything you had. But it all came crashing down in one fell swoop. You lost everything, Alejandro. And in the aftermath, you withdrew into yourself."

"Okay, that's quite en—"

"You built up a line of defense that would ensure that you would never be heartbroken again. You slowly distanced yourself further and further from all women, even your own mother. You developed a new philosophy: treat them as objects, a means to an end; never get too close. That's how you became the Alejandro that arrived on the tarmac in season 3, a sensitive, vulnerable, and thoughtful young man hidden behind a pair of Rayban sunglasses and a veil of misogny. But then Heather came along. Despite all your efforts, you fell for her. Now you're emotionally vulnerable again. You aren't in the driver's seat anymore. And it excites you, but it also terrifies you." She gazed into Alejandro's eyes. "You've never been in a real relationship before, have you?"

Alejandro slowly shook his head, curled up in a ball.

"You still haven't figured out this relationship, either. It seems like the harder you try, the further you push Heather away. And looming over you is a deep, existential dread. Deep down, you still believe that true love cannot last. Your parents' divorce and the death of your dog only reinforced that notion. Worst of all, you fear that Heather may not love the 'real' you- she just loves the image of confidence you project. This fear is building, and it is slowly killing you inside." She let go of his hand. "That's the current read I'm getting."

Alejandro stared at her, his eyes wide. Dawn slowly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"But Heather does love the real you, Alejandro. I know it," she said, smiling. "Just be yourself. You have nothing to worry about, I promise! Everything will work out in the end."

Alejandro said nothing in response, vacantly staring into space, still curled up in a ball. Dawn sighed.

"…And you're officially traumatized. Great. Okay, I probably dove a little too deep into your aura just now. I do that sometimes." She shook her head and groaned. "I don't know why it freaks people out so much! I can't help it!" The moonchild glanced back at Alejandro, who hadn't moved. "Anyways, sorry about that. I promise your secrets are safe with me!" Alejandro still didn't respond. "…I think I'll just let you sleep this one off."

Sighing, the moonchild then lay down among the beavers and closed her eyes. Alejandro continued to sit there, rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: Well, I've certainly found my first target. (He shudders.) I'm the one that's supposed to be emotionally violating people! Not the other way around!

End of Confessionals

Beauty Beach

The Beauties sat huddled in the darkness against the trunk of the palm tree, shivering and drenched. The wind howled and lightning flashed every couple of seconds. The rain pounded down on the leaves above, spraying them with water over and over again.

The storm only continued to worsen as time went on. Before long, it had become a full-on monsoon. The Beauties were now surrounded on all sides by a violent vortex. Bushes and other palm trees were ripped from the ground and sent hurling into the raging cyclone.

The camera zoomed in on Justin, who was in the worst shape of the group. His whole body was pale, his lips were dark blue, and his eyes were bloodshot. And yet, he continued to sit there in his thong, staring silently forward, resolute.

Confession Cam

Justin: In a moment like that, it all comes down to your willpower. It was the ultimate test of who breaks first. Me, or Mother Nature. Oh sure, that thunderstorm tried to wear me down. (He pounds his chest.) But in here? I'm unmovable. Unbreakable. Unyielding. Unstoppable. One of a kind. Last of the Mohicans. A legend.

End of Confessionals

"I quit," Justin said, standing up.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Anne Maria gasped, looking up at him.

"I mean, I'm quitting this show. F**k this. See you guys. It's been real."

Anne Maria jumped up, her eyes wide with horror.

"No! YOU CAN'T LEAVE!" she squealed, clinging to the model.

"Let go of me, you psycho!" Justin ripped her hands away from him. He shouted into the darkness. "HEY! PRODUCERS! DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?! I'M QUITTING! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! BRING ME A HELICOPTER ALREADY! PREFERABLY WITH A JACUZZI!"

There was no response except the roar of the storm. Justin clenched his fists.

"I know those bastards heard me," he growled. "They can't keep me here against my will!"

"They can, though," Topher said from behind him. "You signed a contract, remember?"

"True," Anne Maria sighed. "We all signed a contract. There's nothing we can do."

"For the love of… that's not how contracts WORK, you idiots!" Justin groaned, turning back to them. "'You signed a contract' is not some sort of all-powerful legal loophole! Why does everyone on this show keep buying into that bullsh**?! When did we just start accepting that ridiculous premise?!"

"It was also part of the contract," Topher said with a shrug.

Justin pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, let's say I had you sign a 'contract' that said I could legally break into your home and kill your entire family. Would it not still be murder if I then proceeded to break into your home and kill your entire family?"

"Wait… that was on the contract, too?" Anne Maria gasped. She dropped to her knees in front of Justin. "Please don't kill my family! I beg of you! Not my cousin Vinny!"

Justin stared at her in disbelief. Then, shaking his head, he turned around and began walking out into the midst of the storm.

"Whoa! Dude! Where are you going?!" Topher shouted after him.

Justin turned back around, his arms crossed.

"If the producers won't come to me, then I'm coming to them!" he declared. "I'm gonna quit this show even if it kills me!"

With that, Justin confidently strode forward, determination in his eyes. He screamed as he was instantly sucked into the raging vortex. The model hurtled through the air, circling around the rest of the Beauties as the monsoon enveloped him.

"OH MY GOD! JUSTIN!" Anne Maria screamed.

"GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!" Justin wailed. He flailed around in panic as he flew through the sky. "Oh God, this is SO BAD FOR MY SKIN!"

Anne Maria ran out into the storm. "I'LL GET YA DOWN, BABY!" The Jersey girl then jumped headfirst into the cyclone, getting swept up into the air too.

"Hey! Wait for me!" Topher yelled, clamoring up from the ground and running after them. He cheered as he ran. "Woohoo! NOW we're talking! This is what Total Drama's all abou—" He was cut off as he, too, was sucked into the vortex.

Now only Sugar remained under the palm tree, holding a coconut. She watched her screaming teammates circle around above her head, and smirked as she grabbed another coconut from the pile.

"I swear, it's like these fools ain't never played this game before. Whatever. While they're out there wastin' all their energy, Sugar's only gettin' stronger." She cackled to herself and leaned back against the tree. This caused the whole trunk to bend, dislodging a coconut from the top. It landed on her head with a thud, instantly knocking her unconscious.

The camera stayed focused on Sugar's crumpled form for a moment, before slowly zooming out to reveal a control room, where Chris sat watching the chaos unfolding on four different screens, a popcorn bucket in hand. He turned around and grinned at the audience.

"Man, what an action-packed first night it's been! Already, it looks like our resident hot people aren't going to stand much of a chance against the beautiful, independent woman that is Mother Nature. But I'd bet that's nothing compared to how those pathetic Brains are faring. They're totally screwed. What are they gonna do, think away this thunderstorm? No, I don't think so." The host burst out laughing at his joke, before turning his attention back to the monitors. "With that said, let's check in on them. Or, more specifically, see whose corpse is decomposing the fastest. Seriously, I'd be shocked if they're still alive."

Chris pressed a button on the control panel, and all the monitors switched to the Brains campsite. The host gasped at what he saw. All four screens showed four different angles of the team's shelter sitting perched in the tree, protected from the rain. One camera switched to the interior of the shelter, where the Brains were sleeping peacefully in furnished bunk beds. Chris trembled at sight.

"No… n-no… NOOOOO!" he roared. "Th-that's… h-how d-did they… AUGH!" The host grabbed at his hair in fury. "NOT AGAIN! HOW DO THOSE ADOLESCENTS KEEP BESTING ME?!"

Chef suddenly walked into the control room, wearing a bathrobe.

"Yo, man, you comin' back or what? The sauna ain't gonna sit inside of itself." He looked around the room, frowning. "For real. What are you even doing in here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm hosting the show!" Chris exclaimed, beckoning to the monitors.

"Really? 'Cuz to me, it looks like you're just watchin' a bunch of teenagers on a bunch of screens while you talk to yourself."

"Yep, that's called hosting the show. Glad you've been paying attention."

"Seriously, Chris. You just gotta relax. You're gettin' way too involved in the game again. Stop tryna control everything and just let it progress naturally."

"Oh, that's rich coming from you, Hatchet," Chris scoffed, swiveling around in his chair. "I could draw a smiley face on a trash bag and you'd try to form an illegal alliance with it!"

"Okay, maybe I deserved that," Chef sighed. He walked over and placed a hand on Chris's shoulder. "Look, man. I'm not tryna get confrontational here. I know it's cuz you care about the show. You're just obsessing a little too much over the ratings, that's all. Just trust the product you got here. That's what Don does with his show."

"OH, WHAT A SURPRISE!" Chris shouted, hurtling his popcorn to the ground and standing up to face Chef. "It's always Don this, and Don that! If you love him so much, why don't you just go be HIS best friend?!"

Chef held up his hands defensively. "Yo, man, chill out! Why would I do that? I've never even met the guy! We ain't never even interacted!"

"Really, Chef? Really? You ain't never interacted with Don?"

Chris narrowed his eyes at the cook, his arms crossed. Chef glanced down at the ground.

"It was one small Twitter exchange—

"THREE TIMES, CHEF! YOU REPLIED TO EACH OTHER THREE TIMES!" Chris roared, pounding his fist against the monitors.

"So? It wasn't anything!" Chef exclaimed, stepping back. "It's just the internet! I interact with tons of people on social media! It's how I escape the lonely monotony of my everyday existence! It doesn't mean I'm best friends with anyone on there!"

"You interact with everyone on social media, you say?" Chris frowned and glanced down at his phone. "Hm. That's funny. Because somehow, after three years, you still haven't added me on Snapchat."

"I know the kinds of pics you send, Chris! I don't wanna see that sh** when I wake up in the morning!"

"Save it, Chef! You're just like the rest of them," Chris growled, tucking his phone away. "Just like Noah, and Geoff, and Owen, and my mom… you've converted to Team Don. You can't be trusted anymore."

"Chris, that's the crazies—"

"YOU CAN'T BE TRUSTED! That's just the painful truth, that we need to live with." A devilish grin suddenly appeared on Chris's face. "But guess what? I don't need your help to make this the best season of reality TV ever conceived. I don't need anyone's help! Because I am reality TV! And I will NEVER DIE!"

Snatching his popcorn off the ground, Chris then stormed away, muttering to himself and laughing. Chef groaned and rolled his eyes, before heading back towards the sauna. The control room was now empty.

Neither of them had noticed the shadowy figure standing just in frame on the upper left monitor, watching silently.

The next morning...

Brawns Cave

The camera panned across the cave, showing the Brawns in various positions on the floor. All were fast asleep; except for one person, that is.

"…I'll be honest with you. I barely got any sleep last night," Tyler said, facing the camera. The jock was standing near the cave entrance, away from his sleeping teammates. "Yesterday's performance left much to be desired. Man, that was rough." He hung his head and sighed. "I'll be the first to admit it: I haven't found my place on this team yet. I thought I'd have figured it out by now, but I haven't. And it sucks!" Tyler looked sternly back at the camera.

"The way I see it, there's only one way to win back favor with my team. And that's to become the provider. As you know, we're out in the wilderness on our own this season. This team is gonna need someone who can step up and make sure everyone's fed." He jammed a thumb into his chest. "And that someone's gonna be me!" He shrugged. "Sure, I've never hunted anything before. But I'm an athlete. And who were the earliest athletes? Cavemen, of course. So I just gotta channel my ancestral roots, and this will be a cinch, baby! The question is wheth—"

"Who the actual f**k are you talking to right now?" Jo groaned, lifting her head up from the ground.

Tyler beckoned to the camera, frowning. "The audience. Just sharing my thoughts with them."

"That's not what that camera is for, you moron."

"Really? Then what is it for?" Tyler asked in confusion.

"I don't know! It's just here to film us! If you want to talk to the audience, you go to the confession cam! Some of us are trying to SLEEP!"

"Wait…" Tyler turned to the cameraman. "You're not here to conduct candid interviews? You're just here to film us… sleeping?"

"Yeah, pretty much," the cameraman said with a shrug.

"That's… kinda creepy, man. I thought this was Total Drama, not Paranormal Activity." Tyler shrugged. "But hey, I'm not gonna judge. You do you, man." There was a pause. "So do you enjoy being a cameraman? I've always wondered what that's like. If we're being honest, I didn't really even know what a camera was until a couple months ago."

"Eh, it's a living," the cameraman said. "Pays the bills."

"I feel you on that, man," Tyler chuckled. "You have a wife back at home? Any childr—?"

"TYLER!" Jo shouted.

"Sorry!" Tyler whispered as he hurried out of the cave.

A low mist hung over the grass of the clearing outside, which was still damp from the storm. All was quiet in the early morning.

"All right. The perfect weather for hunting," Tyler whispered, eyes darting around. As he slowly crept forward, he reached down and picked up a stick.

Suddenly, there was a cough behind him. Tyler swiveled around.

"AHA! Thought you could cough without me noticing?! Big mistake! NOW YOU DIE AT MY HANDS, ANIMAL!" With a cry, the jock reared his arm back and hurled the stick forward as hard as he could. It traveled 2 feet through the air before landing softly on the ground.

Tyler stared down at the stick.

"Uh… warm-up throw," he said to himself as he bent down and picked it up. When he raised his head, he suddenly noticed the cameraman from inside the cave standing before him. "Oh, uh… hey, man. What's up? Do you need something?"

"Nope. Still just filming you," the cameraman said. "That's my job. As I already explained. That's all of our jobs. Have you never been on this show or something?"

"But… there's nobody else around," Tyler said, frowning. "I'm the only one you're filming."

"Yeah. So?"

"Wait… so you're saying… you're here to film me? Just… me?!" Tyler gasped. His voice began to tremble. "R-really?"

"Yep," the cameraman said. "Chris says it's always good to get a lot of footage of the first boot. It makes it easier for the editors to craft a coherent narrative, y'know?" He shrugged. "Sure beats filming a bunch of sleeping teenagers. You're totally right, man. It is creepy. Especially given that I usually just end up handing the footage over to Chef. Don't know what he needs it f-"

He was cut off as Tyler suddenly dropped to his knees in front of him, sobbing. The cameraman jumped back.

"Whoa! Okay then," he said, cringing. "What, did you really not know you're probably the first boot? I thought that was pretty obvious by now."

"Th-thank you… THANK YOU!" Tyler sobbed.

"Huh?"

Tyler stood up, sniffling and wiping away his tears. "Sorry, man… it's just that no cameraman on this show has ever chosen to film just me before. I only ever get to be in group scenes, and it's usually by accident!"

"Oh… um, I'm sorry to hear that, dude."

"Don't worry about it. It's OK now. Because I have you," Tyler whispered, tears glistening in his eyes. He leaned forward and tightly embraced the cameraman. The cameraman awkwardly patted his head.

"Uh… you're welcome."

Tyler continued to hug him, nestling his head against the cameraman's chest. After another ten seconds, the cameraman finally wriggled free, looking very uncomfortable.

"That was… something," he said, shaking his head. "Anyway, are you gonna stop breaking the fourth wall long enough so that we can get some usable footage?"

Tyler gave him a thumbs-up. "Hell yeah! Let's do this!" He pointed into the forest. "ONWARDS TO ADVENTURE!"

However, right as the athlete took a step forward, Brick suddenly walked up next to him.

"Hey, soldier! How's it going?"

Tyler halted in his tracks and swiveled around. "What the?! What are you doing here?"

"I heard your plan just now, back in the cave," Brick said, grinning. "And I think it's an excellent idea!"

"Awesome. Glad you like it. Any other compliments you want to pay me before you go back to sleep?"

"Sleep? On the contrary! I want to help you with your mission!" Brick exclaimed. "If we work together, I'm sure we can bring in enough food for the whole team." He shrugged. "Not to brag or anything, but I was actually known as the 'the provider' back in boot camp."

"Oh, really?" Tyler asked, rolling his eyes.

"Yep!" Brick answered enthusiastically." I had a number of other nicknames, too. But, uh… I don't like to reminisce about those. Anyways, is it cool if I join?"

"Sure. You can try to keep up with my awesomeness," Tyler said with a shrug.

"Great! So, I saw a river on the way here that might be a good place to start. Want to head there first?"

"A river?" Tyler asked, frowning and scratching his head. "Why would we go there? That's just water."

"Uh… and I think there might also be fish there," Brick said, frowning.

"Oh. Oh yeah." Tyler quickly corrected himself. "Uh, I mean, I knew that! I was just testing you!" He crossed his arms and turned away. "You pass." He then glanced at Brick. "So, what are you waiting for? Lead the way, Mr. Provider."

"I'll do my best!" Brick declared, saluting. The cadet then swiveled around and began marching down the trail. Tyler turned to the cameraman, smirking.

"This guy, am I right? What a weirdo. 'I'll do my best!' What is this, a kid's show or something? Our teammates' lives are at stake here. He's in way over his head." Tyler suddenly realized that the cameraman was no longer next to him. He looked ahead, and saw the cameraman next to Brick, filming him instead.

Scowling, Tyler followed after them.

Confession Cam

Tyler: I knew some competition would come along eventually. There's always gonna be some other dude who thinks he can be the provider. It's a tale as old as time. (He shakes his head in disgust.) That guy Brick thinks he can just swoop in and steal my job. He thinks he's being all subtle and coy about it too, claiming we're "working together". But he and I both know that there can be only one provider. Two people both getting food for the team? That makes no sense! It doesn't work! (He chuckles.) But I'm not worried about Brick. I'm the athlete here. What's his stereotype? The "annoying guy with unibrow"? Yeah, he doesn't stand a chance. He's about to get "provided" a lesson about how a REAL alpha male operates.

End of Confessionals

It was now later in the morning, with the sun high in the sky. Brick and Tyler had both been fishing at the river for an hour.

"Wow! Look at the size of this thing!" Brick exclaimed, holding a large silver trout. The cadet tossed it onto a massive pile of fish that had accumulated behind him. He then grabbed his makeshift wooden fishing pole and tossed the line into the water. Almost instantly, the line began to tug again. "Whoa! Here comes another!"

The camera panned over to Tyler, who stood ankle-deep in the water, holding a long wooden spear. The jock was focused on something right in front of him.

"This is it. You're not getting away this time, you stupid fish," he growled, tightening his grip on the spear. He raised it high above his head. "I'm done playing your games. This time, IT'S BUSINESS!"

With a roar, he thrust the weapon headfirst into the water. However, the jock missed the fish entirely and instead hit a boulder sticking out of the water, snapping the spear in half. The lower end of the weapon flew up into the air, spinning wildly, before falling back down and slamming into Tyler's head with a crack. The jock wobbled around for a moment. Then he toppled backward and landed in the water with a splash, unconscious.

Tyler's eyes slowly opened, revealing Brick standing over him.

"Thank god!" the cadet exclaimed with relief. "You're awake!"

"Ugh... what happened..." Tyler groaned, sitting up in the water.

"I don't know," Brick said, scratching his head. "I was busy catching fish, and then I noticed you laying down in the water. I thought you were doing some sort of meditation or something, but then I saw the welt on your head."

Tyler rubbed his forehead, which had a massive purple bruise. "How long have I been out?"

Brick glanced up at the sky. "Hmm... in military school, they teach us how to read the sun. I'd say about... 2 minutes?"

"Oh! That's not that bad at all."

"No. Wait. I read the sun wrong. 2 hours, actually."

"Oh my god!" Tyler jumped up and grabbed the other half of his spear, which was sitting on the riverbank. "I better get back to work! Still got a lot of providing to do."

"Actually, I think we're good for this morning," Brick said, beckoning to his pile of fish, which had doubled in size. "We should probably bring this back to our teammates and get a fire going."

Tyler turned around and did a double take at the sight.

"Wait… you caught that?" he asked in shock.

Brick laughed. "Trust me, I'm as surprised as you. I never imagined that we would be able to bring in such an impressive haul, right off the bat." He shrugged. "But you know what? I don't even care about the results. We could have caught zero fish this morning, and I wouldn't have cared. I'm just happy that we both went out here and tried our best. That's the most important thing, you know?"

"Of course it is," Tyler said, his teeth gritted in a smile.

"Anyways, I really do think we should wrap it up for morning. Don't worry, we'll have plenty of other opportunities out here," Brick said, scooping up half of his pile of fish in his arms. "Can you take the other half?"

"I'll try my best," Tyler answered, quivering with anger as he walked over.

Confession Cam

Tyler: Look, I wanted to get along with Brick. I really did. But the guy has gone too far. And thus, he's left me no choice. (He sighs.) I see what he's doing here. He's trying to usurp my place on this team. And it's working. He's slowly but surely forcing me out of the picture. It won't be long before all my teammates just start calling him "Tyler" and forget all about me! I'll be completely expendable! (He grits his teeth.) I can't let that happen. I've worked too hard for this chance. So Brick is absolutely my first target. He's got to go ASAP. I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

(Static)

Brick: Who do I feel the closest to so far? (He smiles.) Definitely Tyler. We've already developed a genuine friendship based on mutual respect.

(Static)

Tyler (tapping his chin): Hmm… should I laugh triumphantly in Brick's face during the reading of the votes, or after? Decisions, decisions.

End of Confessionals

Brawns Cave

Meanwhile, Duncan and Jasmine sat leaning against the cave wall.

"I still can't believe they didn't bust you for bringing a lighter again," Jasmine said, glancing at the fire crackling in front of them. "How'd you get away with that?"

"Let's just say that it was a real pain in the ass. Literally," Duncan sighed. Noticing Jasmine's look of horror, he chuckled. "I'm kidding."

"Except he isn't," Jo said, walking into the cave with an armful of firewood. "He's trying to deny it now that it didn't get a great reception. You're not fooling any of us, Richard Hatch."

Duncan turned to her, scowling. "Let's get one thing straight here. That's not how I operate, got it? I would never smuggle anything that way."

Jo smirked at the delinquent. "No need to get so defensive, Duncan. You can be honest with us." She set the firewood down. "If anything, I'll respect you more. I mean, you gotta play to your strengths if you want to win. And I'm sure that became quite a strength of yours in prison."

"Jo!" Jasmine snapped. "Inappropriate!"

"I just call it like I see it," Jo said, shrugging. "And I see a dude that's dropped the soap even more than he dropped in people's character rankings after season one." She pumped her fists. "BOOM! Two killer insults for the price of one! We don't even need Duncan's lighter, because I'm on fire this morning."

Duncan shook his head. "Nope. It never could have happened, anyway. I was kept in my own private cell after the first day, away from the general prison population."

Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "Really? Why?"

"Let's just say that my presence caused a bit of 'controversy' among the inmates. Once everyone saw me show up, a huge fight broke out. Half were Team Courtney, half were Team Gwen." Duncan shuddered. "It was brutal, man. Five dead, fourteen injured. Unsurprisingly, the warden decided that I was too much of a distraction after that."

"Well, that's a story I could've gone without hearing," Jo said. She looked around the cave. "Anyways, are Tweedle-dumb and Tweedle-dickwad still not back yet? Seriously, how long can two dudes make out?"

"I just hope they bring back something," Jasmine sighed.

"Unless that something is their planned wedding date, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed." Jo shrugged. "Whatever. Those two being gone is the perfect time to talk some strategy."

"What strategy is there to discuss?" Jasmine asked.

"I mean, I don't plan on ever losing, but on the off chance we do have to vote someone off tonight, we better have a plan in place," Jo explained, sitting down next to them. "So, we might as well figure out who we're booting first, right here and right now. I don't want any confusion when it comes time."

"Sounds good to me," Duncan said, tucking his lighter away.

The camera panned over to Eva, who lay on the cave floor a few yards away.

Her body twitched ever so slightly at their voices.

Confession Cam

(Static)

Eva: *sigh*... If I ever came out to this stupid show again, I knew I would have to majorly alter my approach. I'll be the first to admit it; I had a very obvious problem in my first season. Anyone watching could see that there was one singular character trait, one fundamental flaw in my personality so damning that it destroyed my game. That's right. We all know it. I was WAY too trusting of my teammates.

End of Confessionals

The camera zoomed in on Eva as she slowly scooted closer to them, her eyes still shut.

Confession Cam

Eva: Sure, some people would say it was my "temper" or "psychotic personality", but I know the truth. I know EXACTLY what went down on the Killer 'Ass'. Those putrid backstabbers were planning to off me from the get-go. They just used my temper as an excuse. And it's all thanks to Bridgette. I KNOW she brought up my name first. And here I was, naively calling her a friend, while she orchestrated my demise right behind my back. (She takes a deep breath.) But not this time. This time will be different. This time I will be the Bridgette.

End of Confessionals

Eva continued to move closer to her teammates until she was just a few yards away and could clearly hear their voices. She settled into place.

Confession Cam

Eva: I conceived an ingenious plan. When I first arrived, I'd go so absolutely crazy that Chris would have no choice but to tranq me. (She chuckles.) Of course, I've been tranq'ed so many times that I'm essentially immune. Tranq darts have zero effect on me. But the others wouldn't know that. And I'd use that to my strategic advantage. It would be the ultimate form of espionage. While everyone else thought I was unconscious, I'd actually be listening in on their conversations without them knowing. And once I heard someone bring up my name, I'd know exactly who to destroy. I'd strike first before they even knew what hit them. (She grins triumphantly.) That's right. You better go all-in on Team Eva this year, bitches. (She pauses for a moment, and then scowls.) What do you mean, this plan was ridiculously convoluted and unnecessary?! This plan was PERFECT! SCREW YOU!

End of Confessionals

Eva settled into place as her teammates began their strategy talk.

"First and foremost, I'm not considering either of you two," Jo said, nodding at Jasmine and Duncan. "You're both strong competitors, and we need that more than anything right now. You have my genuine respect, and I hope you feel the same way about me."

"Awww…. aren't you just the sweetest?"

"Shut up, Duncan. Anyways, that leaves the other half of our team. And while they each suck in their own special way, I think there's a painfully obvious choice this time around. I hate to say it, but it's time to bid farewell to our friend 'Ty-loser'." Jo paused. "Wait, I have a better one. What if I call him… 'Not a cool guy'-ler?" She groaned. "UGH! That one sucks too! Damn it, he's so useless that I can't even turn his name into a good insult! He has to go."

"Sounds good to me," Duncan said. "Frankly, I'm shocked we even needed to discuss this."

Jo shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure everyone's on the same page. You cool with booting Tyler, Jasmine?"

"Yeah, for the most part," Jasmine said. She sighed. "I don't know. It just sucks because of how much Tyler wants to be here. You can tell this is his dream."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Get it together, Jasmine. This is Total Drama, not Total Make-A-Wish. We all want that million dollars."

"Yeah. I guess you're right," Jasmine sighed. "And it's not like anyone else deserves to go home from the team." She paused, thinking. "The only other person I'd really even consider would be… Eva, I guess? Is that her name?"

Eva's eyelid twitched ever so slightly.

"Yeah? Why's that?" Jo asked, glancing at the workout buff, who became still.

"I mean, Eva's been unconscious this entire time," Jasmine said. "We have no idea what to expect with her. But she obviously still has some serious anger issues, right? I mean, she got herself tranq'ed before any of us even arrived. What if she's even more ballistic than before? That could make her more of a liability than Tyler in the long run."

"You make a solid argument, Aussie," Jo said. "But here's the way I see it. With Eva, there's about a 1 percent chance that she's a strong challenge asset with a bit of a temper and a 99 percent chance that she's an uncontrollable raging lunatic. But that's still better than Tyler, who has a 100 percent chance of still being Tyler."

"Fair enough. I just wanted to make sure we took everything into account." Jasmine glanced down. "Tyler it is, then."

Jo placed a hand on Jasmine's shoulder.

"Look, I know it's hard to vote off Tyler. You feel bad." She sighed. "And I get it. It's like kicking a deformed puppy in the face. It just feels excessive, y'know? Tyler is already going nowhere in life, and we're pretty much taking his only dream and stomping it into the ground with his friends and family watching." She paused. "That is, if he even has any friends and family. He probably doesn't. Either way, it's incredibly tragic. What will he have to live for after this?"

There was a long silence, as the two sat there next to one another.

"Um… are you going to finish your statement?" Jasmine asked.

"…That's actually all I had to say," Jo said. An alarm suddenly went off. The female jock pulled out her stopwatch and glanced at it. "Welp, looks like it's time for my 15k." She stood up and nodded at her teammates. "Good talk, you guys. See ya later!"

With that, she ran out of the cave and into the forest, leaving Jasmine and Duncan alone again.

Jasmine frowned. "That was kind of a harsh, wasn't it?"

"Huh?" Duncan glanced at the survivalist. "Oh, you mean Jo? Yeah, I stopped listening about halfway through that conversation. It got boring pretty fast." He stood up. "Anyways, I'm gonna go find something to vandalize." He flipped open his pocketknife. "Wanna join?"

"Eh, I don't think I would be much help with that," Jasmine said. "That's never really been my thing."

"Are you kidding me? You'd be a huge help! Literally!" Duncan exclaimed. "You can reach way higher up on trees than I can. That'll really up my dick-carving game."

Jasmine giggled. "All right then. I guess I could join."

"You won't regret it," Duncan said with a wink.

As the two stood up and left the cave, Eva listened to their voices, still lying perfectly still. She could hear Duncan cheering in the distance.

"WOO! Time to go carve my first nine-foot dick! Let's get that world record, baby!"

"Wait, you were serious?!" came Jasmine's panicked voice in response.

Their voices drifted away as the pair entered the forest. Eva waited for a moment. Then she slowly rose up from her position within the shadows, and quietly exited the cave as well.

Confession Cam

Jasmine: I don't know why I'm so conflicted about Tyler leaving. (She sighs.) There's just something about the bloke that reminds me of that girl from last season, Sammy. Tyler has that same insecurity… that same need for acceptance… I dunno, I guess I just relate to the underdog. (She shakes her head.) But I can't get soft now. As long as I don't go home, I can't complain. (She shrugs.) At least there's nobody who's deadest on targeting me. That's a relief.

(Static)

Eva: I should've known it would be the Australian bitch who would betray me first. She was giving me major Bridgette vibes from the start. Seriously, everything about her just screamed 'Bridgette' to me. Damn it, I should've realized it sooner! (She pounds her fist against the wall and grits her teeth.) But I don't have time for regrets. I only have time for vengeance. It's time for the next phase of Operation Eva. Jasmine, your hours are numbered.

End of Confessionals

It was later in the morning. A sweat-drenched Jo was now on her way back to the cave, blasting music from an iPod as she ran. She was in the midst of listening to a playlist of all the songs from Total Drama World Tour.

"Oh sh**, this one's a banger," the jock-ette said to herself as "I'm Gonna Make It" came on, turning up the volume. She then looked ahead, and instantly came to a halt. "What the f**k?!"

Eva was barreling towards her, approaching at a breakneck speed. The bodybuilder's arms pumped back and forth with every massive stride, her teeth clenched and her eyes locked in on Jo.

Jo barely had time to react as she tensed up, bracing for impact. However, right at the last second, Eva suddenly swerved to the right. She skidded across the mud of the trail and came to a halt ten yards away.

"What's up?" she called out, breathing heavily.

Jo opened her eyes and glanced over at Eva.

"Oh. Uh… hey there," she said, slowly removing her earphones and switching off the music. "I see you're not dead anymore? That's... great!"

"Nope! Woke up an hour or so ago," Eva said, walking over. She shrugged. "That must've been a really strong tranq dart." She extended a hand, smiling. "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Eva. You must be one of my teammates."

"Yeah. I'm Jo."

The two politely shook hands, with Jo looking at Eva strangely the entire time. Eva caught her glance and frowned.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Sorry. I'm just a bit surprised," Jo said, scratching her head. "You're acting so… normal."

Eva laughed. "What, you thought that when I woke up I'd just start yelling and screaming and beating people up and stuff?"

"Well… yeah. That's sorta how you were advertised."

"You know most of that stuff happens in the editing room, right? That's not actually the real Eva. I'm actually a really calm, reasonable person in real life who just wants to make friends."

"Really?" Jo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Really," Eva said, looking earnest. "Don't worry about me, honestly. Just don't double-cross me, and we should get along fine. And on my part, I'm gonna really try to control my temper this time around. It shouldn't be an issue."

"That's great to hear, Eva. Especially given the fact that I really did think you were about to murder me just now." Jo patted her on the back, before putting her earphones back in. "Now, I definitely want to hear all about your super inspiring character transformation later, but first I really need to finish my run."

"Oh, you're on a run? Would it be OK I joined you?" Eva asked. "I was actually in the middle of a jog myself."

Jo lowered the earphones again. "That was your jogging speed?"

"Yeah," Eva said, shrugging. "But you can totally dictate the pace. I'll go as slow as you need me to go."

Jo scowled. "Nah, you can lead. I'll keep up."

"Awesome. We'll still keep it slow, though. No need to go crazy or anything."

All of a sudden, Eva and Jo were racing down the path in a full sprint, kicking up a giant cloud of dirt behind them. The female jocks stayed side-by-side as they flew forward along the trail, neither one gaining more than a few yards before the other swiftly caught up.

Jo suddenly saw a bunny on the trail in front of her, and kicked it aside without breaking her stride. Eva, meanwhile, noticed a tree up ahead that was blocking her path. She swiftly grabbed it by the trunk, ripped it clean out of the ground, and hurled it behind her, never slowing down.

Just a few minutes later, both crashed down onto the floor of the cave, collapsed and gasping for air.

"We'll... call it... a tie," Jo groaned, catching her breath. She slowly stood up, glancing around the empty cave. "Hmm... that's weird. Nobody else is here."

A glint appeared in Eva's eyes. She stood up as well.

"Hey, could I ask you a question?"

Jo turned to her. "Yeah. Go for it." She paused. "Unless it's about how I smuggled my iPod past Chris. Because I really don't think you wanna hear about that."

"Nah, I assumed as much," Eva chuckled. She pointed to a massive 40-pound metal dumbbell sitting against the cave wall. "I had to do the same thing."

Jo's eyes widened in horror as she stared at the imposing piece of workout equipment.

"Anyways," Eva said, changing subject. "Obviously, I haven't really had a chance to learn about the team dynamics here." She sighed. "That's very disappointing to me. As a team player who loves working together with her teammates, I really like to know the team dynamics of any team I'm working with. Because teams are great."

"Uh... cool. So what do you wanna know? Aside from the fact that our team kinda sucks."

"Obviously, we have to vote someone out first. It's by far my least favorite aspect of this game, but it must be done. So if you don't mind me asking, is there someone the team had in mind?"

Jo chuckled. "Oh, I see. Eva wants to get in on some strategy." She shrugged. "I don't see the harm in telling you because it's so obvious. We're voting off Tyler first."

Eva feigned surprise. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. But you CANNOT tell him that. He'll freak out and probably kill himself or something."

"Well, it sounds good to me," Eva said. "I'm always down to send Tyler home. The dude was a complete trainwreck on the Killer Bass. I swear, we always had to have someone escort him to the bathroom or he'd end up at the Total Drama Action film lot."

"Oh, we know all about Tyler's sense of direction," Jo muttered. "Luckily, we won't have to deal with him much longer. We have the guaranteed majority now."

"Who else is in on the plan?"

"It's you, me, Duncan, and Jasmine."

"Hmm." Eva raised an eyebrow. "That's odd."

"What? What's the problem?" Jo asked.

"It's not a problem, exactly..." Eva said. "It's just that I'm a bit surprised that you're working with Jasmine. I didn't expect that."

"Why is that?"

"Oh, it's nothing. It's just that, when I first woke up, Jasmine was the only person still here in the cave. We introduced ourselves, spoke for a bit... and before long, she changed the topic to strategy." Eva looked down at Jo, who had sat down to do some stretches. "And she told me she wants to take you out."

"What?" Jo quickly stood back up, focused on Eva again. "Really?"

"Yeah. First campfire ceremony, she wants you gone."

Jo frowned. "I don't get it. That's so weird. Why would she want to do that? That makes no sense! We even agreed to a semi-alliance, kind of!"

"Maybe she's jealous," Eva said with a shrug. "All she told me was that she's sick of you being in charge."

"Damn it. I knew it," Jo groaned. "It's the same story every time. People are always intimidated by my greatness, Eva." She shook her head. "Do you know if anyone else is looking to take me out? Or is it just Jasmine?"

"I don't know. She told me she was trying to get a group together and asked for my vote. I agreed just to get her off my back, but no way in hell am I doing that now." Eva slowly smirked. "I say we turn the kangaroo's little plan on its head."

"You mean we take Jasmine out?" Jo put her hands on her hips, thinking. "It'd be a bold move. But if she's going after me, it only makes since." She thought some more. "It's tough. It's legitimately possible we'd never win another challenge without her."

"We don't need her," Eva growled. "You and I can put this team on our backs. She's overrated and expendable. And now we know she's also a snake."

Jo nodded. "You're right. If what you're saying is true, I have no choice but to go after her. Who do you think we could get on board?"

"Duncan and Jasmine seem like they're getting along too well," Eva said. "We can't count on him to vote for her. We'll need Tyler and Brick, most likely."

I see," Jo said, looking as if she was thinking something over. "Well, that should be no problem. Those two can't think for themselves. They'll go right along with it as long as I sell it to them in a package of stupidity."

Eva grinned evilly. "Perfect. It's all coming together."

"Yep. As long as we stick to the plan..."

"...Bridgette doesn't stand a chance!"

Jo stared at Eva.

"...Bridgette?" she repeated in confusion.

"Erm, uh, I mean Jasmine," Eva quickly corrected herself.

Confession Cam

Eva: Phase 2 of Operation Eva? Another rousing success. (She crosses her arms.) SEE?! SO MUCH FOR CONVOLUTED AND UNNECESSARY!

(Static)

Jo: Eva just came to me with some very surprising information about how Jasmine of all people is targeting me. So based on this information, now I have to completely shift from my original plan of taking out Tyler. Which is just a lot more work for me, to be honest. (She smirks.) But hey, a blindside right out of the gate is always a fun. (She pauses.) As long as it's not me, of course.

End of Confessionals

Beauty Beach

It was early morning when Dawn and Alejandro finally arrived at the campsite. The storm had turned the beach into a wreck, with driftwood and debris strewn all around.

"Hello?" Dawn called out. "Is anyone here?"

Her voice echoed. There was no response but the howl of the wind.

"Where could they have gone?" Alejandro asked, frowning.

Dawn knelt down and placed a hand in the sand, her eyes closed. She instantly gasped.

"Oh no!"

"What? What is it?"

"Oh, it's terrible, Alejandro," Dawn cried. "I sense an overwhelming despair here. A great tragedy has befallen our teammates!"

"Oh, come on. That's a little overdramatic, even for you," Alejandro chuckled, walking down the beach towards the ocean. "I'm sure they just found somewhere else to stay for the night because of the storm. They're probably coming back right n—OH MY GOD!" The Latino screamed as he almost stepped on Justin's face.

The model was laying on the beach in his thong, covered in sand. His face was blue and his lips were purple, with his tongue flopping lazily out of his mouth. His eyes were rolled back into his head.

"Is he dead?!" Alejandro asked frantically, turning to Dawn.

Suddenly, a voice came from by his feet.

"How's my... skin..."

"He's still alive!" Dawn gasped. "Quick! Grab his body!"

Ten minutes later…

A shivering Justin now sat by the water, wrapped in a thick cocoon made out of his teammates' spare clothes. His face was still deathly pale, but his eyes had regained some semblance of consciousness. Dawn sat next to him, trying to coax him back to life.

"Justin should be back to normal in no time," Alejandro said, facing Sugar, Anne Maria, and Topher. The three Beauties were wet and ragged, with dark bags under their eyes.

"'B-back to n-normal'?" Anne Maria asked, shivering. "But will he still be Justin?"

"I don't know what that means," Alejandro said, frowning.

"Will he still be an all-powerful god of sex?"

"Oh. Um... sure." Alejandro quickly changed the topic as Anne Maria heaved a sigh of relief. "In the meantime, I think we can all agree on what we probably need to do first, given the events of last night."

"Absolutely," Anne Maria said, nodding furiously. "First we gotta find Chris, and then we gotta jump his ass."

"No. There will be no beating up of anyone, especially the host," Alejandro said.

"Aw, c'mon! He deserves it!" Anne Maria exclaimed. "He's the one that put us through all that sh** last night! He's the one that almost MURDERED Justin!"

"That is a bit of an overstatement."

"Overstatement?! Did you not see Justin? He was seconds away from death!" Anne Maria gazed over at the model with concern. "What if you hadn't found him in time? He'd be gone forever!" She turned back to Alejandro. "Can you even imagine a world in which Justin doesn't exist?!"

"Yes, given that I was pretty much completely unaware of his existence 24 hours ago," Alejandro said. "Either way, it's not Chris's fault that you all did not have a shelter to protect you from the storm last night."

"Oh really?" Anne Maria snapped, her hands on her hips. "Then whose fault was it?"

"Yours."

"WHAT?! Mine?!"

"Yes. Your fault, as well as everyone else who was here and chose not to focus on the only thing that would guarantee your survival." Alejandro shook his head in disgust. "Chris even warned you explicitly that you needed a shelter. Dawn told me about the note that he gave to you guys. You all should blame yourselves for not heeding his words."

"Look man, we tried our best," Topher said. "It didn't help that you two weren't even here to help us. We were two players down! How is that fair?"

"I know. And for that, Dawn and I apologize," Alejandro sighed. He looked around at his team members. "Look, everyone. Let's just agree that we all made mistakes yesterday, Alejandro included. We let ourselves become divided, and we suffered the consequences. But today is a new day. I still believe that we can turn things around as a team, if we work together, and trust one another." He nodded confidently, smiling. "And it all starts once we have a shelter."

"And how are we gonna get that?" Anne Maria asked, crossing her arms. "How are we gonna get this magical 'shelter' you keep speaking of?"

"Um… by actually building one. I thought we established this," Alejandro said, frowning.

"WHAT?!" Topher, Anne Maria, and Sugar all screamed in unison.

Alejandro stared at them.

"…Okay, I guess it wasn't established clearly enough," he said. "The only way we're going to get a shelter is by building one ourselves. Seriously, why is this such a difficult concept for you people to grasp?"

Topher shrugged. "I don't know. I've never been much of a STEM person. My passions have always centered more on the performing arts."

"I don't even care about havin' some stupid shelter," Sugar said, filing her nails. "I just want more food. That should be our priority, in Sugar's opinion."

"Yes, I can tell that food has been a priority for much of your life," Alejandro said, glancing at her. "But now, I am asking that you shift your priorities for the time being. For the sake of the team."

Sugar turned to her teammates. "See, I don't even know why we're listenin' to this guy. It's not like he's a wizard or anything. He ain't got any magical powers! Why should he have the authority?"

"That's a good point," Anne Maria said, nodding. "Aside from the power to bore the f**k out of us, maybe."

Alejandro pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Que se joda esta mierda," he muttered to himself.

Sugar gasped and turned back to him.

"What did you just say?!" she asked.

"Nothing," Alejandro said, quickly forcing a smile. "Just letting out a bit of my frustration. Anyways, mis amigos, por favor-"

Sugar gasped again. "There it is again!" She suddenly was inches away from Alejandro's face, gazing at him in in wonder. "I can't believe it! It... it's true!"

"Huh? What's true?" Alejandro asked, slowly backing away from her.

"You really ARE a wizard!" Sugar exclaimed. She dropped to her knees in front of him. "Hallelujah! Praise the lord! We're saved!"

"Oh. Sugar, I'm flattered." Alejandro laughed uncomfortably. "But no, I am not a wizard." He shrugged. "I'm just a determined man who wants nothing but the best for his teammates. Perhaps there is magic in that."

"Then what are these strange, mystical words you keep saying?!" Sugar demanded, standing up again. "I ain't never heard them before!"

Alejandro stared at her.

"Wait, you mean my Spanish?" he asked in disbelief.

"That's what you call your wizard-speak? Cool!"

"Oh my god." Anne Maria burst out laughing. "This bitch is officially too much. She doesn't even know what a Mexican person is!"

Alejandro coughed. "I'm actually from Spain-"

Anne Maria crossed her arms. "Whatevah! To me, you're from boring-as-f**k-ville, and you should not have emigrated from there. So I'm emigrating outta here."

Anne Maria started to walk away, but Sugar suddenly blocked her path.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" she demanded.

"Outta my way, you diabetic hick," Anne Maria snapped. "I'm gonna go tend to my Justin, which I shoulda been doing all along."

"No you ain't! You're gonna work on the shelter! The Wizard said so!"

"He's not a goddamn wizard! You're just culturally ignorant! Now MOVE IT!"

Anne Maria pushed Sugar out of the way and tried to step forward, but the blonde grabbed her by the back of her bikini and pulled her back.

"You aint goin' nowhere!" Sugar growled. "Don't make the Wizard cast one of his spells on you! Cuz he will!"

"I'd like to see him try. Now let GO!" Anne Maria shouted, kicking Sugar in the shin.

Sugar took a deep breath. Then, she cried out at the top of her lungs.

"ABRA KADABRA!"

Anne Maria stared at her, before bursting out laughing again. "Seriously? Did you really just try to-" She was cut off as Sugar's fist slammed into her face.

"My spell worked!" Sugar exclaimed, before Anne Maria tackled her.

The two rolled around on the ground, kicking up a massive cloud of sand as they scratched and swatted at each other. Anne Maria wrapped her legs around Sugar's torso and her arms around her neck, putting her in a chokehold.

"Where's your stupid magic now?!" the Jersey girl cackled.

"W-wizard!" Sugar gasped, clawing for air. "S-SAVE ME!"

Alejandro had backed thirty yards away from the altercation, trying to avoid any eye contact.

"WIZARD! WIZARD! WIZAAAAAAARD!" Sugar continued to scream.

Alejandro sighed, then began reluctantly running towards the fight. "Okay, girls! That's quite enough! I'm coming over to peacefully break this up!"

Sugar, meanwhile, felt a strange sensation. She glanced down, and noticed that Dawn's bikini top was beginning to shake.

"Uh oh," she said to herself. "This baby's about had it. DUCK AND COVER!"

Suddenly, the strap on the back of the top broke. Like a bullet released from its chamber, the bikini top exploded off of Sugar's body at a lightning speed.

Alejandro was still running toward the fight when the flying swimsuit smashed into his face, sending him hurtling backwards. The Latino screamed as he soared through the air, until he slammed into a tree with a thud. He then slowly slid down the trunk, his groans muffled by the bikini now plastered to his face.

Meanwhile, Anne Maria screeched in horror as she noticed Sugar was now topless, and quickly let go of her. Sugar stood up, brushing the sand off of her body. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Alejandro's crumpled form in the distance.

"I told you to duck and cover!" she called out to him.

Shaking her head, Sugar walked over to the Spaniard and peeled the bikini off of his face. She then turned around and strode back down the beach toward the water, where Dawn was still cradling Justin. Sugar handed the destroyed bikini top to her.

"I think this belongs to you," she said. "Oh wait..." She reached down and slid off her bikini bottom as well, before handing that over. "Here's the other half. Thanks for letting me borrow it!"

Dawn stared down at the swimsuit in her hands, and then back up at the pageant queen's naked body as she turned around and walked away.

Confession Cam

Dawn: I believe in the beauty of everyone's aura. (She pauses.) But that was more of Sugar's aura than I ever wished to experience. (She shudders.)

(Static)

Alejandro (now with a large red mark on his face): I thought for sure that my first target would be Dawn. But then I was swiftly and painfully reminded what team I was on. (He groans.) How do I even choose which one of these braindead heathens to put of their misery?!

End of Confessionals

After 30 minutes of painstaking effort, Alejandro had somehow managed to get everyone organized and Sugar into a new bathing suit, and the Beauties were now all working on the shelter. The Latino walked among his teammates, surveying their progress. After breaking up another catfight, he approached Dawn, who had her ear pressed to a hunk of driftwood, whispering to it. She glanced up as he came to a stop in front of her.

"Hello, Alejandro!" she greeted him, smiling. "Don't mind me. I'm just making sure our friend genuinely wants to be a part of our shelter."

"Wait… you mean the driftwood?" Alejandro asked in disbelief. "It's not alive, Dawn."

"Everything's alive!" Dawn countered, crossing her arms. "And all living things should have rights, no?"

"Uh… I guess."

"Exactly! Yes, this being may be made of wood. But he is just as 'human' as we are, and we should treat him as such."

"Okay… I was almost buying into it until you said that," Alejandro said, shaking his head. "Sorry, but I'm personally of the mindset that you and I are more human than a literal hunk of driftwood."

"We can agree to disagree." Dawn listened to the driftwood some more, before gasping. "Oh my gosh! Wonderful news! Edward says he is thrilled at the prospect of joining our shelter!"

"That's… wonderful. Anyways, I—GAH!"

Anne Maria had suddenly popped up between them, making Alejandro jump backwards in shock.

"Have you guys been let in on the plan yet?" she whispered.

"I don't know. Was the plan to give me a heart attack?" Alejandro asked. "Because you succeeded. Por favor, please approach less quietly next time! Where did you even come from?"

"Sorry. Justin just said I gotta be extra stealthy about all this. So I take it you two haven't heard the plan yet?"

"No, we have not," said Dawn. "But we are thrilled that you have chosen to include us! Please continue!"

Anne Maria slowly glanced left and right, making sure nobody was nearby. Then she leaned close to them and whispered one word.

"Sugar." The Jersey girl let them process this for a moment. Then she leaned back, grinning. "Great plan, right?"

Alejandro stared at her. "Um… all you said was her name. What are we supposed to take from that?"

"What do you think? We're sendin' that bitch packing the first chance we get!" Anne Maria whispered. "And we've already got 3 votes locked in- me, Justin, and Topher. We just need one of you to join us and we can pull off the blindside."

"Oh," Dawn said. She frowned. "…I don't know what to say."

"You say 'yes', obviously! It really ain't that hard!" Anne Maria snapped. "You should be totally on board with this. She stole your swimsuit, Dawn. And then she used her morbidly obese body to slingshot it into your face, Al. What about you, Al? You in?" She turned to the Latino, who was looking at her strangely. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Alejandro said. "I'm just really surprised to find that you all are capable of strategizing. I thought that was beyond your level of reasoning. Fascinating to learn otherwise."

"Huh?"

"Erm, I mean… that sounds like a great plan you've come up with. I'm quite impressed, Anne Maria." Alejandro placed a hand on his chest. "Consider me an emphatic vote for Sugar. That should give you the majority, no?"

"Hell yeah it does! Looks like we're good to go, then." Anne Maria grinned. "This is gonna be the best blindside ever. I can't wait to rub it in Sugar's face." She turned around and cupped her hands to her mouth. "HEY SUGAR! YOU'RE—" She was cut off as Alejandro quickly placed a hand over her mouth.

"…It's not really a 'blindside' if you do that," he said.

"…Oh yeah," Anne Maria chuckled as he removed his hand. "Anyways, I can't wait to tell Justin at least. He might finally look at me for longer than two seconds without dry-heaving!"

With that, she sprinted off. Alejandro turned to Dawn, smirking.

"It appears the game is afoot at the Beauty Beach. So, what do you think? Should we actually go with the others on this plan to vote for Sugar? Or should we devise another plan of our own?"

Dawn shrugged. "Oh, it doesn't really matter to me. I personally don't believe in voting."

"Hmmm that's a possibility too, I never consid—QUÉ?!" Alejandro looked at Dawn in shock. "Did I just hear you correctly? You… you don't believe in voting?"

"Yes, it goes against my beliefs. I consider the whole construct unethical."

"Unethical?"

"I know it sounds crazy," Dawn said. "But I've been conducting some research on this show lately. It has been extensively documented that getting voted off, especially first, can have a profoundly traumatic impact on a person's psyche and physical health, to the point that it should be considered a violation of their most basic rights. And you've seen it firsthand. Just look at what it did to Ezekiel."

"Okay… but how much of that was a result of getting voted off versus a result of him being raised by freaky Amish people in the middle of nowhere and then getting thrust into a game show centered around socialization?"

"Either way, the last thing Ezekiel needed was people literally telling him that they didn't want him around. He needed acceptance, not rejection."

"Fine… I guess I can vaguely understand your logic," Alejandro said, shaking his head. "But surely that logic does not apply to Sugar, right? You cannot possibly feel any qualms about voting her out."

"Oh, Sugar isn't so bad," Dawn said, smiling. "Deep down, I can tell she has a good heart."

"I hate to break it you, but your aura-meter is officially broken."

"I mean it! Sure, she's a little rough around the edges. But I don't blame Sugar for that. I would probably be the same way if I too watched my godfather get run over by a tractor when I was five."

Alejandro crossed his arms. "So then what do you plan to do? Just not vote? You can't do that. You have to vote for someone or you get disqualified."

"Oh, I will cast a vote when it comes time," Dawn said. "But I prefer not to discuss it extensively. Or discuss it at all, really. I'll probably just choose at random, so as to avoid any hurt feelings."

"I'll keep that in mind," Alejandro said, his eyes flashing. He then turned and started to walk away.

"Wait!" Dawn called after him. "Before you go, what should I do next on the shelter?"

"I know what I need to do," Alejandro muttered as he continued to walk.

"Um… OK! That's not really an answer! But OK!" Dawn shrugged, before grabbing another hunk of driftwood.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: After witnessing my team's utter incompetence on all levels, I was ready to give Dawn another chance. I was even willing to work with her strategically. She had the makings of a very valuable pawn. (He throws his hands up.) But how am I supposed to control her vote when she doesn't even believe in voting?! There's nothing for me to work with there! And that is simply unacceptable. Anything that I can't control has no business being a part of this game. So I have to find a way to flip the target back to Dawn. (He taps his chin.) From I've gathered, Justin seems to be calling the shots right now, for God knows what reason. As long as I convince him, Anne Maria and Topher will surely follow.

End of Confessionals

Alejandro slowly approached Justin, who had emerged from his cocoon and was now surprisingly working on the base of the shelter. The hunk was kneeling in the sand and hammering away at one of the support beams. However, as Alejandro crouched next to him, he realized that Justin was holding the hammer the wrong way, gripping it by its head and repeatedly smashing its handle against the wood, causing only a hollow tapping sound.

"So, Justin…" Alejandro began, gently removing the hammer from the model's hand. "How are you doing? Recovered from last night yet?"

"Yep," Justin said, turning to him and grinning. "I'm back to my normal gorgeous self now. I mean, I'm still going to quit this show the first chance I get because f**k this show, but that's beside the point."

Alejandro gasped. "Quit? No! You can't quit, Justin! You are the heart and soul of this team! Without you, we would certainly fall apart."

"Yeah… that's nice and all, but this show just isn't for me," Justin sighed. "Besides, I'm starting to think that using Total Drama as a springboard to promote my thong brand isn't going to yield great results anyway."

"Don't say that, amigo! You don't know that!"

"Yes I do. This won't work out for me, Al. Cartoon Network viewers are a terrible demographic to work with as it is. In my experience, trying to sell thongs to children only leads to extensive federal investigations. And any grown adults who still watch Cartoon Network definitely should not be seen wearing my product."

"But you could still win the grand prize, couldn't you?" Alejandro pointed out. "That would be huge for your company."

"How the hell can I expect to win?"

Alejandro placed a hand on Justin's shoulder. "Look, I know you're disheartened after last night. What you went through… I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But I promise you, life will become a lot easier once we have a shelter." He paused. "That, and once we exorcise the insidious force of evil that is currently infecting this team."

Justin turned to him, frowning. "Evil?"

"Let me speak to you plainly, Justin. There is someone on this team who is not who they claim to be," Alejandro said, narrowing his eyes. "That person... is Dawn. On the outside, Dawn acts like an innocent little girl; but deep down, she is a being of immense, unfathomable hatred. She is as close to a sociopath as they come."

"How… how do you know?" Justin asked, his eyes wide.

"Why do you think Dawn and I didn't arrive until this morning?" Alejandro asked. "It's not because the journey took that long. No, it's all because of Dawn. When the storm first hit, I wanted to hurry back to make sure that you all were OK. But Dawn insisted that we stop for the night. I didn't even have a chance to argue. Suspicious, isn't it?" His eyes narrowed even further. "I have a theory. I believe that Dawn, through the use of her aura-reading abilities, could sense from afar that you all had yet to build a shelter. She was furious that you had disobeyed her. So she decided to punish you all by leaving you to fend for yourselves."

"Whoa," Justin gasped. He then frowned. "That… doesn't really sound all that plausible."

Alejandro sighed. "I know. And trust me, it pains me to make an accusation like this against her. But that's not all, Justin. Keep in mind that we don't actually know the extent of Dawn's powers. They could extend far beyond our realm of understanding. But at the very least, we know that she has a deep connection with nature, don't we? We've seen that she can communicate extensively with it. And that most likely means that she can control it." Alejandro's eyes lit up. "What if Dawn can also control the weather? And what if she was the one who caused the storm?"

Justin stared at him in shock. "You… actually think she can do that?"

"I think there's about a 97 percent chance, given the evidence," Alejandro said. He looked sternly at Justin. "Either way, Dawn is far too dangerous to keep around. Who knows how she may use her powers next? The world may be at risk, for all we know."

"Oh my God. You're right," Justin gasped. "So what do we do?!"

"We do the only thing that we can do. We bring her to justice," Alejandro said, pounding his fist into his hand. "We must vote her off, before she can strike again."

Justin paused. "But wait… wouldn't voting Dawn off just make her pissed off at us? Wouldn't it pretty much ensure that she strikes again?"

Alejandro was silent for a moment.

"Um… quite the contrary, Justin. You see… once Dawn is voted off, her powers will stop working."

"Why is that?"

"Because… uh… there is nothing stronger… than the power of democracy?"

"Ohhhh. That makes sense."

"Uh huh. So voting Dawn off is the only way we can stop her. With that said…" Alejandro extended his hand for a fist-bump. "Are you in?"

"Definitely," Justin answered, nodding eagerly. "Dawn has got to go!"

Alejandro turned and smirked at the camera as they fist-bumped.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: Wow. That was by far the most illogical pitch for voting someone off I've ever given, and it still worked. Justin actually bought in to the idea that Dawn is some weird, pseudo-"X-men"-inspired villain. (He laughs.) My God, that should have never worked. Maybe I'll enjoy this team more than I thought.

(Static)

Justin: I can tell Alejandro thinks I'm a complete moron. But that's exactly what I want. I'll keep playing along, acting like I'm not a strategic threat of the highest caliber. But Alejandro doesn't realize that my intellect is perhaps my greatest strength. Alejandro doesn't realize that I listen to podcasts. Alejandro doesn't realize that I had an unprecedented GPA of 3.1 in middle school if you don't include math classes. (He smirks.) So I'll go along with his plan for now. But when I feel like it's time to make my move? He won't know what hit him.

End of Confessionals

Brains Camp

Courtney sat on a log next to the embers of the previous night's fire, carving something out of wood. It was mid-morning now, and none of her teammates were up. The brunette scowled up at the shelter and shook her head.

Confession Cam

Courtney: Everyone on this team is already getting way too comfortable. They think that just because Alejandro randomly decided to build a world-class shelter for them, the rest of surviving will be just as easy. But as a C.I.T., I happen to know better. If people don't get up off their asses and start helping out around camp, we won't last a week out here. So I have to take charge. (She shrugs.) Of course, when you take over as leader, you always run the risk of rubbing your teammates the wrong way. But I know how to carefully tiptoe that line. I don't think it'll be an issue.

End of Confessionals

The camera panned across the interior of the tree house as morning light streamed through the windows. Suddenly, Courtney's amplified voice echoed throughout the shelter, jolting everyone awake.

"ATTENTION, BRAINS… THIS IS COURTNEY WITH YOUR 10 AM WAKE-UP CALL. MEET ME DOWN HERE IN FIVE MINUTES. THANK YOU!"

Groaning, everyone slowly sat up in their beds. Heather suddenly climbed down from her top bunk.

"Hold on, people," she announced as she stormed over to the window. She leaned her head out and glared down at Courtney. "Yeah?! And what are you gonna do if we don't?"

Courtney held up a large wooden funnel.

"I'll just keep talking to you guys through this," she answered, smirking.

"Wait… is that a megaphone?" Heather asked in disbelief. "Do you seriously have a megaphone right now?"

"Yep. I carved it while you all were busy sleeping."

Heather turned to the camera. "There you have it, folks. Even out in the wild, Courtney still has no trouble finding resourceful ways to be a colossal bitch."

"Might as well call her Bitch Grylls."

"Overdoing the joke, Noah," Heather said as she walked over to the tree house's exit. She then began climbing down the rope ladder. A smirking Courtney was there to greet her once she reached the bottom.

"Wow. First one down," she noted. "You must really like following my orders."

Heather flipped her off in response, before sitting down on a tree stump with her arms crossed. Harold descended the rope ladder next.

"Whoa! That's a totally sweet megaphone you got there!" the nerd exclaimed as he dropped to the ground. "Can you, like, make one for me?"

"Harold, nobody wants to hear you talk normally, let alone at an amplified volume," Courtney said plainly.

"Huh?"

"Uh, I mean, of course! I'll try to get around to that."

Harold fist pumped. "Sweet! Then I can finally practice my Optimus Prime impression with the proper SFX aiding my skills!"

As he walked away, Courtney shook her head.

"Well, that's one way to ensure he never touches the megaphone." She then glanced up at the shelter. "Okay, who's nex—"

"AHHHHHH!"

Courtney was cut off as Cameron suddenly crash-landed on top of her, slamming into her head and knocking her to the ground. The two lay on the ground together, groaning. Cameron slowly got up, brushing off his sweater.

"Ow…" The bubble boy put his glasses back on, and forced a grin. "Sorry about that. I sort of forgot that our shelter was up in a tree. Walked straight off the balcony. Heh heh. My mistake!"

Courtney groaned in response, still lying face down in the grass.

Confession Cam

Cameron (cringing): I get the sense that Courtney may not totally like me. And by that, I mean she totally hates me. (He shrugs.) I get it. I've been a little out of my element up to this point. And I'm sure almost making her paraplegic didn't help. (He pounds his fist into his hand.) But that doesn't mean I can't still turn it around! I've done it before and I can do it again. I can still show Courtney I'm valuable! I'll show the whole team I'm valuable! And I'll make Mike and Zoey proud! YES! TEAM CAMERON FOR THE WIN! (He confidently stands up, turns to the exit, and throws open the door. There is a loud thud from outside.)

Courtney: OW! (The C.I.T. stumbles out from behind the door, clutching her forehead. Cameron screams and covers his mouth.)

Cameron: Oh my god, Courtney! Are you okay?!

Courtney: Why did you slam the door open like that?! I was right outside! (She feels her forehead.) Oh God, I think I'm bleeding!

Cameron: Oh geez oh geez oh geez—

(Static)

Cameron: Okay, maybe not my best start. (He pauses.) However, that being said... did you see how easily I slammed open that door? That was pretty badass of me. Maybe Courtney will recognize that after her concussion symptoms have cleared! (He grins.) See? I'm already turning things around. This is a new Cameron, baby! (He stands up and slams open the door again. There is another thud.)

Courtney: AUGH! *********************!

Cameron: OH GOD, COURTNEY!

Courtney: I WAS STILL STANDING THERE WHEN YOU WENT BACK IN! WHY WOULD THINK I'D HAVE MOVED?!

Cameron: I DON'T KNOW! (He bursts into tears.)

End of Confessionals

Courtney now stood with a bandage around her head. The rest of the Brains were sitting on stumps, with Cameron guiltily twiddling his thumbs in the back.

"Look, guys," Courtney said. "I didn't want to wake you all up like this, but you really left me no choice."

"Yep. No choice except for the completely unreasonable option to wake us up like a normal human being," Heather said.

"Okay… maaaaaybe I could've done without the megaphone," Courtney admitted. "But I had to send a message, people! We can't just sit back and rest on our laurels right now. Chris is wrong about most things, but he was right when he said that we all have a tendency to get way too cocky."

"I mean, things have gone pretty well thus far," Cameron said, shrugging. "I don't think there's any harm in being confident."

"And exactly how much of that was because of you, Cameron?" Courtney asked, turning to him.

"I… I think I contributed," Cameron murmured, glancing down at the ground.

"Then you are mistaken," Courtney said. "You've contributed absolutely nothing whatsoever to anything or anyone. When it comes to contribution, you are an empty, pitiful void. Looking over the past day, I would say that your biggest 'contribution' thus far has been revealing to us just how little one person can possibly contribute and still be considered sentient." Cameron hung his head in shame as Courtney turned back to the others. "But frankly, we all were useless yesterday. We'd all be dead right now if Alejandro hadn't swooped in out of nowhere and saved our sorry asses. We can't forget that."

"Where are you going with all of this?" Heather groaned. "Get to the point!"

"What I'm saying is that we can't keep acting like we're still at a summer camp, you guys! Do you guys not see that we're on our own this season? We are in the middle of untamed wilderness. We don't have Chris and Chef here to look after us and change our diapers anymore."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I can change anyone's diaper with ease! You're looking at a man who received the gold diaper-changing badge as a Squirrel Scout, because of his perfectly-honed technique. Really, it's all in the wrist action—"

"FIGURE OF SPEECH, HAROLD!"

"I'm confused. Were Chris and Chef looking after us before?" Cameron asked, frowning. "I actually think being out here away from them improves our overall quality of life, all things considered."

"Weren't you busy being ashamed of yourself?" Courtney snapped. "Look, all I'm saying is that surviving out here is going to be hard work. We're going to need all hands on deck. We can't just spend all day sleeping! Is that really too much to ask?"

"I can accept the premise of your argument," Scarlett said. "So what do you propose we do first, Courtney?"

"Thank you for asking, Scarlett. I think it's obvious; first and foremost, we need sustenance. So I want everyone to go out and search the forest for anything that's edible."

"Hold on… this whole speech was building up to that?" Heather asked in disbelief. "That we should look for food? Wow. I had no idea. Thank you for enlightening us, Courtney."

"Blow me."

"I actually think it's an excellent point, Courtney," Scarlett said. She tapped her chin. "Food is important, now that you mention it. I personally would not have known. Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Scarlett. That's what I'm here for," Courtney said, smiling. She turned to the others. "Now, we want to cover the most ground possible, so I think we should split up. Obviously, we don't want anyone getting lost, so why don't we form pairs?"

The words had barely left her mouth before everyone began to shuffle around. Harold grabbed Noah's arm and pulled him to the left, while Cameron and Scarlett walked over and high-fived each other on the right. This left Courtney standing next to Heather in the middle. The two frantically looked around, trying to find a partner. They then turned back around, saw the other, and groaned in unison.

"Looks like we have our pairs," Harold said. He beamed. "Wow, that was so easy! It's like we all just knew exactly who we wanted to be with!"

"I don't remember wanting to be with you," Noah said.

"Would you prefer to be with either of the fair maidens in the middle?" Harold asked, beckoning to Heather and Courtney.

"And all of a sudden, I remember wanting to be with you," Noah said.

With that, the two geeks began walking away.

"W-wait! Get back here!" Courtney shouted after them. "I… I change my mind! Let's all just go as one big team! Pairs was a terrible idea!"

But it was too late; Noah and Harold were gone. Courtney swiveled back around and saw that Cameron and Scarlett had left the campsite as well. Only she and Heather remained.

The two stood in silence for a while. Finally, Heather spoke.

"…Well, that plan backfired on you quicker than usual."

"I don't get it," Courtney groaned. "Why did nobody want to be my partner? I have years of foraging experience!"

"I would answer that question, but I refuse to believe that you have that little self-awareness," Heather said.

Courtney turned to her, scowling. "Oh, don't act all smug. It's not like anyone was jumping at the opportunity to pair up with you, either."

"I know. But unlike you, I can accept the reality of this situation," Heather said with a shrug. "I'm used to it."

"What? What's the situation?" Courtney asked, crossing her arms.

"We're on the bottom," Heather said plainly.

"What?! Speak for yourself! I am not on the bottom. That's ridiculous!"

"Jesus, I don't know why that's so insanely hard for you to wrap your puny head around." Heather crossed her arms. "It's just the way it's gonna be for us. We're major threats, and we aren't exactly the most 'soft-spoken' or 'friendly'. We're both easy boots on this team. It's just a fact."

Courtney sighed. "I guess that's kind of true..."

"Yes, it is. And if we're being honest, the only reason we're really targeting each other is because, deep down, we're aware of this," Heather said. "I know that the only way for it not to be me going home is if it's you. And you know that the only way it won't be you is if it's me."

Both were silent for a moment.

"...Well, what if we worked together?" Courtney asked. "What if we realized that because we're both on the bottom, the only way we can succeed on this team is if we put aside our personal differences and team up?"

They were silent some more. Then they both erupted into laughter.

"Man, Courtney... you actually sometimes have a good sense of humor," Heather said, wiping a tear away from her eye.

"I think it's important to keep it lighthearted, even at a time like this," Courtney said, still chuckling. "Anyways, we should probably be plotting each other's demise by now."

"Yeah, let's do that."

The two then sprinted off in opposite directions.

Forest

Noah and Harold were standing on opposite sides of a berry bush. Noah held up one of the berries and examined it.

"Are you sure these are edible?" he asked, frowning.

"Noah, it is time that I confess my heart to you," Harold said, looking up at him.

"…Or you can answer the question I just asked."

"That can wait. This is far more urgent." Harold placed his basket of berries on the ground and looked sternly back at Noah. "I must have your sacred vow that this intimate conversation remains strictly confidential."

"Why would I willingly tell anyone that I had an intimate conversation with you?" Noah asked.

"Because, Noah, the information that you are about to receive is incredibly valuable. Consider it my gift to you, for being such a close friend. With that, I shall begin." Harold glanced around, making sure the coast was clear. Then he turned back to Noah.

"As I mentioned earlier, I've developed feelings for one of the beautiful ladies here on this island. She has remained a mystery up to this point. You are about to find out her identity. Are you ready?"

"It's Jasmine."

"Okay, here we go. She—WHAT?!" Harold jumped back in shock. "How?! What voodoo spell did you cast to discover my deepest secret with such ease?"

"Dude, you started hyperventilating and murmuring to yourself in Japanese the moment she arrived," Noah said. "I was standing right next to you."

"Well, can you blame me?" Harold asked, throwing up his hands. "In the wake of my dearest Leshawna, I thought I would never love again. But Jasmine… she's everything I've ever dreamed of! She's tall, independent, confident, sexy, passionate… she's like Leshawna on steroids! Not to mention the fact that she's from Australia, which is super close to Japan. Plus, can you imagine how many awesome cosplays she could pull off with her stature?" He sighed dreamily. "I can't believe a woman like her is still single. What luck."

"Hold on. Jasmine definitely isn't single, Harold," Noah said.

Harold laughed. "What are you talking about? Of course she is."

"Um no, she definitely she isn't," Noah said. "Do you not realize that she's dating Shawn? I don't watch this show, and even I know that. I don't even know who Shawn is, and I still know that she's dating him."

"Oh, that. Yes, I'm well aware that Jasmine is technically 'taken'," Harold muttered. He then laughed. "But Shawn? I'm not worried about that guy. I watched his season. He's no competition. I mean, just look at his glutes, Noah. They're nothing compared to mine." Noah stared at him from across the bush. Harold quickly backtracked. "Uh… that's not to say that I've been looking at his butt, or anything. Because I haven't!" There was a long, awkward silence. Harold threw his hands up. "Fine! I'll admit it! I'm not ashamed. It's completely normal for a male to size up his genetic competition. And Shawn poses absolutely zero threat to me on an evolutionary scale. While his buttcheeks are a pair of deflated, lifeless mattresses, mine are—"

"Please don't finish that metaphor," Noah said.

"Very well. You get the idea. But that's not even my biggest grievance with Shawn. Have you seen the way he treats Jasmine? It's simply shameful. He was willing to cut her loose last season, just so he could have the million all to himself!" Harold shook his head. "Jasmine deserves a gentleman. A man who recognizes her true worth, a man who will do anything and everything for her with the expectation of nothing in return. A man like me."

"So what you're saying is that she needs a nice guy."

"EXACTLY! Wow, you summed it up perfectly. A 'nice guy'. That's exactly what I am!"

"You sure are, Harold. You sure are. Now, if you don't mind me asking, why the hell are you telling me all of this? Why not somebody who actually cares?"

"Because I need your specific advice, Noah," Harold sighed. "I am at a crossroads. Do I actually go for it? Do I actually try and break up one of Total Drama's most universally beloved couples? There will be great repercussions, Noah. With one pull of the trigger, I will be launching the next great Total Drama love triangle. Things will never be the same. And I'll be forever known as the new Gwen. The new boyfriend kisser. Am I ready to shoulder that burden just for love?"

"Why do you think would I be able to answer that?" Noah asked.

"Oh, don't be so modest, Noah," Harold chuckled. "This question is right up your alley. I know you have incredible intuition when it comes to women and relationships."

"Umm… where exactly are you getting that one?"

"Your relationship with Emma, of course. When I first saw you two together, I thought there had to be a mistake. How could this goddess have agreed to be your girlfriend, when she is so far out of your league? I've run every calculation possible, and it still makes absolutely no sense; it is a scientific anomaly. All signs point to her leaving you for a better man, but she doesn't. You must know some incredibly valuable secrets about how the female brain works."

"Wow, that's so nice of you to say," Noah said, scowling.

Harold grinned. "No problem! So I need your expert opinion: do I go ahead and make a move on Jasmine? Or do I back off?"

Noah paused for a moment. Then he slowly smiled.

"You should absolutely go for it."

Confession Cam

Noah: Was it irresponsible of me to say that? (He shrugs.) Maybe. But I need entertainment too, people. And if nothing else, this will be very entertaining. (He glances at the camera.) Sorry in advance, Jasmine.

(Static)

Harold: All right. I have Noah's blessing. Now it's time to win the girl! (He takes out a notepad and glances over it.) Obviously, I haven't had to spit any game in a while. Not since my courtship of Leshawna many moons ago. Sure, there's been some playful mutual flirting with most of the other girls, but nothing of this magnitude. (He shrugs.) But I'm sure I've still got it. One doesn't just lose his ability to successfully seduce women. (He glances down at his notepad again.) Do you think Jasmine understands Japanese? Or Star Trek references?

End of Confessionals

"How does this one sound?" Harold asked Noah, who continued to gather berries. The nerd cleared his throat and began reading off of his notepad. "Jasmine- if If you were a dynamically allocated variable in a C++ program, you'd create a leak. Because I'd never delete you from my life. Also, I like your boobs. Will you be my girlfriend?"

"It sounds to me like you've got this one in the bag," Noah said.

"I like my prospects as well," Harold said with a grin. "But we must remain humble. Nothing is assured yet." He glanced down at his notepad. "Do you think I should mention the amount of karma I have on Reddit?"

"Dude, it'd be just plain cheating at that point. At least give Shawn a chance."

"You're right. There's no honor in that victory," Harold sighed. He read over his notepad once more. "Anyways, I think I have a general plan for my course of action. So, when should we first approach Jasmine?"

"Might as well do it at the first challenge. No point in making her wait, y'know?" Noah then paused for a moment, before frowning. "Wait… what do you mean, 'we'?"

"The both of us. Me, and you as my wingman."

"Ah, yes. The thing that will not be happening."

"Aw, c'mon Noah! I need you to back me up!" Harold exclaimed. He crossed his arms. "You know I would have gladly served as your wingman with Emma."

"And that would have singlehandedly assured that Emma never spoke to me again."

"That may be true. I have had a tendency to accidentally steal other guys' girls while serving as their wingman," Harold said, cringing.

"Then you should be just fine on your own," Noah concluded, patting Harold on the back.

Harold clasped his hands together. "Pleeeeaaase? I'm begging you! I promise that you will be at no risk of embarrassment in any way. I swear. I just need you to laugh when I say something funny. And also start memorizing your part for the interpretive dance."

"The what?"

Suddenly, an approaching voice called out to them.

"There you guys are!" Heather exclaimed, walking towards them with her own berry basket, which was empty. "I've been looking everywhere for you two!"

Harold bowed as she approached. "Greetings, Heather-chan!"

Heather came to a stop in front of them.

"First, don't ever call me that again," she said to Harold. Her scowl then turned to a smile. "Second, I have some wonderful news to share."

"Hmm… Heather randomly pulling aside two people in private… yeah, I have no idea where this is going," Noah said. "And aren't you supposed to be with Courtney right now?"

Heather ignored him. "If you don't mind me asking, what were two talking about? It looked like a pretty intense conversation."

"…You could say that," Harold said, nodding. "In many ways, it was."

"Harold's certainly got an intense boner f—" Noah was cut off as Harold kicked him in the shin.

Heather smirked.

"Hmm… so you boys want to keep your little secret?" she asked. "That's fine. I do hope that you'll eventually trust me enough to include me in these things, though. After all, trust between the three of us will be very important from here on out." She paused. "That is, if you agree to my small proposition."

"Annnnnd here we go," Noah sighed.

"You see, I have a plan to get me and two other people into the final three, and I chose you guys. You should know that this is a very big deal. I am placing my trust in you guys; and trust is a two-way street."

"Wow. The exact same pitch you gave to Lindsay and Beth in season one. Like, literally word-for-word. I'm impressed. And also slightly insulted."

"Do you think I had time for originality?" Heather snapped at Noah. "It's the offer itself that matters! And I'm offering you safety until the final three. You don't turn that down unless you're insane."

"More like I'd have to be insane to accept that deal. Who would be naïve enough to—"

Noah was cut off as Harold suddenly dropped to the ground, bowing at Heather's feet.

"Heather, I would consider it the highest honor to join you in any strategic formation. Consider my allegiance yours henceforth."

"Dude, seriously?" Noah groaned.

Heather smiled down at the ginger nerd. "Wonderful, Harold! You've made an incredibly wise decision." She turned and smirked at Noah. "That's one 'yes' already. Now are you done being edgy and ready to actually do what's best for your game?"

"No."

"Wow, you're so cool, saying 'no' like that." Heather rolled her eyes. "When are you going to stop playing to the audience with your pointlessly contrarian bullsh**, Noah? You're only refusing my offer because you know your little legion of 14-year-old fanboys hate me."

"No, I'm refusing your offer because I hate you," Noah said.

"You don't hate me, Noah. And even if you do, you can't let personal feelings affect how you choose your alliances." Heather pointed at Harold. "Case in point. I just formed an alliance with Harold."

"Yeah, Noah!" Harold exclaimed. He paused. "Wait…"

"It's still not happening," Noah said. "First, there's the fact that you're you. Second, we also have to factor your boyfriend into this equation."

Heather glanced away. "What boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend."

"Um… Alejandro? I'm fairly certain he's your boyfriend."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess. Whatever. What does he have to do with any of us this?"

"Um, maybe the fact that he's your self-proclaimed soul mate? Why should we expect to go to the end with you when he's in the game? You mean to tell me that you wouldn't take him to the final three over one of us?"

"No! Of course I wouldn't!" Heather crossed her arms. "Look, I don't know where you're getting your info, but Alejandro and I are not soul mates. We're, like, not even that close. It's hardly a relationship at all, frankly. It's more like… acquaintances. Very distant acquaintances. Definitely not worthy of being considered a threat in this game."

"Hmm… Alejandro certainly has a different perception."

"Well, Alejandro is an idiot."

"I'm not denying that," Noah said. "I'm just saying that forming an alliance with you is already an incredibly unappealing prospect, even when you don't take into account the fact that you're in a committed relationship with an even more unappealing man."

"…So I'll take that as a 'maybe'?"

"Sure. As in, 'maybe I'll vote for Courtney instead of you if you stop bothering me but there's no way I'm joining your alliance until I've exhausted every other available option'."

Heather scowled. "You know what? Fine! I can't help you see the light. You're just sealing your own fate, Noah." She grabbed Harold. "Come on, Harold. We have important alliance matters to discuss. Without Noah."

With that, she dragged Harold out of the clearing. Noah watched them leave, before shrugging and taking out his book.

Suddenly, a nearby bush rustled, and Courtney's head popped out of the top, covered in leaves. The C.I.T. groaned.

"What the hell was that?! How did she get Harold that quickly?!" she asked in disbelief. "Damn it! I should've made that megaphone for him when I had the chance!"

"Ah. So you and Heather technically didn't split up. That's nice to see," Noah said, as he turned a page.

Courtney pulled herself out of the bush and brushed the leaves off of her head.

"Ugh… this is just great. Now I'm gonna have to revise my whole strategy. I needed Harold! F**k!"

"If that's the case, why didn't you actually leave your hiding spot and talk to him?" Noah asked.

"I was waiting for you losers to start talking about something that wasn't related to Harold's pitiful attempt to lose his V-card!" Courtney snapped. "It was so awkward having to listen to that! It went on for hours! And I HEARD EVERY WORD!"

"Ah, yes. Almost forgot." Noah chuckled. "What are your thoughts on that fun little plotline?"

"My thoughts are that if you do anything to get me involved in that plotline, your plotline will end with in you in a medically-induced coma."

"Message received." Noah plucked a berry off of Courtney's shoulder and placed it in his basket. "So now what are you going to do? Aren't you going to try to get me to join Team Courtney?"

Courtney shook her head. "Hell no. I don't have the time or the patience to work with you. There are way better options. Like, literally anyone else."

"You don't even want to give me your pitch? I'm pretty bored right now."

"Yes, I'm sure," Courtney said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not playing your stupid games, Noah. Unlike you, I actually came to play this season. And I have work to do."

With that, she stormed out of the clearing, leaving Noah alone once more.

Confession Cam

Noah: That's a shame. I probably would've agreed to an alliance with her. You see, Courtney's a huge target, but no threat whatsoever. You know she can't win this game. I mean, she's Courtney. She'll find a way to lose. (He shrugs.) Maybe I should've humored Heather, too. But unlike Courtney, Heather tends to find a way to win. And frankly, forming a final three deal with her is pretty much a foolproof way to ensure that I don't make it to the final three. I would hope that everyone knows that by now.

(Static)

Harold: OMG, I'm going to the final three, I'M GOING TO THE FINAL THREE! (His eyes widen.) …I wonder what will happen then?

(Static)

Courtney: Harold was a lost cause, anyway. Heather may have won that battle, but she hasn't won the war. (She smirks at the camera.) And what Heather doesn't realize is that I have my own pathetic nerdling to take advantage of.

End of Confessionals

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, 'NO'?!" Courtney shouted, slamming her basket of berries to the ground. Cameron held up his hands defensively and took a step back.

"I didn't say 'no'! You're getting my words tangled up!" he whimpered. "I just… I think it's too early for alliances! I want to just focus on winning challenges and not worry about all that strategizing stuff, y'know?"

"'All that strategizing stuff'?" Courtney repeated incredulously.

"Yeah! Last season ended on kind of a dark note for me, to be honest. Mike told me to take it easy this time, and just have fun!"

Courtney stared at Cameron. "…You do know you're taking advice from the guy that is literally the reason last season ended on a dark note for you, right?"

Cameron chuckled. "I can see your point. But that was actually Mal, not Mike. An important distinction."

"So what you're saying is that you haven't even considered forming an alliance with anyone?"

"Nope. No alliances. That's my motto for right now."

"Okay," Courtney said. "I have a question, then. You seem to be pretty close with that girl Scarlett. Would you ever consider voting for her?"

"No, probably not."

"Would she ever consider voting for you?"

"No, I don't think so."

"And why is that, Cameron?"

"Well, you see, we kind of have this mutual understanding that we won't vote for one another," Cameron said, smiling.

"THAT'S LITERALLY AN ALLIANCE!" Courtney roared.

"B-but it's not!" Cameron stammered. "Scarlett and I are j-just really good friends!"

"'Really good friends' is just code word for 'really good alliance'," Courtney grumbled. "Next you'll tell me you weren't in an alliance with Mike and Zoey, either."

"Not really, to be honest," Cameron said, shrugging. "Sure, we trusted each other, and that helped us move forward in the game. But we never agreed to a formal alliance. That's not what our connection was about. What drew us together were our mutual interests, not our desire for each others' votes."

Courtney crossed her arms. "You say that like we don't have mutual interests, Cameron."

"Do we?" Cameron asked, frowning.

"Of course! We have tons of mutual interests. For example, just off the top of my head: you like voting, and I like voting. We should therefore vote together. Deal?"

Cameron sighed. "See, that's the thing. I feel like all you really care about is my vote, Courtney. Beyond that, you have no real interest in getting to know me as a person."

"That's so not true. Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know. It's just the vibe I've gotten. Also, when I tried talking to you yesterday, you cut me off and said 'I have no real interest in getting to know you as a person'."

Courtney forced a laugh. "Oh, that was just a joke. I was just playing around. Obviously I want to get to know you, Cameron."

Cameron smiled hopefully. "Really?"

"Yes! Absolutely!" Courtney exclaimed, reaching forward to place a hand on his shoulder. However, before she touched him, she paused for a moment, thinking it over. Then she slowly retracted her hand, shuddering.

"See, that makes me think otherwise," Cameron said.

Courtney sighed. "...Look, Cameron. I'll be honest. Unlike you, I'm not great at this whole 'making friends' thing. To be honest, I never really had any friends in high school. I thought that I didn't need them; that they'd only get in my way." She shook her head. "But maybe that attitude is really what's always been holding me back. All this time, I've been learning how to use people, without ever learning how to connect with people." Taking a deep breath, she finally placed a hand on Cameron's shoulder. "But I want to learn, Cameron. I want to build a genuine friendship with you, outside of this game. So can we start this over? Let's have a real conversation, no game involved."

"Of course!" Cameron exclaimed, beaming. "Let's do it!"

"Thank you." Courtney smiled back at him. "So, to start off, why don't you tell me about yourself? What's something I don't know about you?"

"Well, I have a ton of hobbies," Cameron said. "Mainly, I really like collecting rare forms of fungal-"

"Okay, I can't do this," Courtney groaned. "I tried. But this? This just isn't worth it."

Shaking her head, she grabbed her basket and walked away, leaving Cameron standing there.

Confession Cam

Courtney: I'm not willing to go through some elaborate courtship ritual just to get some nerd's vote, okay?! If Cameron refuses to realize on his third go-around that this is a game and not a kindergarten playdate, then there's nothing I can do. (She frowns.) But still… the fact that he's so unconcerned about strategy tells me all that I need to know. Cameron knows he's not going anywhere. (She takes a deep breath.) My only option now is to make sure we don't go to the Campfire Ceremony tonight. (She smiles hopefully.) But the odds are in my favor, right? There are three teams, which means we don't even need to come in first in the challenge; we just need to not come in last. I think we can manage that.

End of Confessionals

Brawns Cave

It was midday now. All of the Brawns aside from Tyler and Brick were back in the cave, sitting around in boredom.

"So when can we assume that those two finally eloped and are never returning?" Jo asked, leaning against the cave wall. "I'd like to move on with my life."

"That's the third time you've made that joke," Duncan said.

"And this is the fifth time you've come on this show," Jo said. "Do you really get to talk about 'overdoing' something?"

Duncan put his head in his hands. "Please stop reminding me."

Jasmine, meanwhile, glanced up to see Eva staring directly at her from across the cave. The bodybuilder did not break eye contact. Jasmine coughed awkwardly.

"Sooo… Eva…" she said, trying to start a conversation. "What have you been up to since… uh… your last season?"

"Lifting," Eva answered, unblinking.

"That's cool! I can definitely see that it's a hobby of yours," Jasmine said, glancing at the buff girl's massive arms. She smiled. "What else, aside from lifting?"

"No."

There was an awkward silence.

"…Huh?"

"No."

Jasmine frowned. "I… I don't understand."

"Nothing else," Eva said. "That's it."

"Oh." Jasmine paused. "Wait… so what you're saying is that you've just been lifting since your season ended? That's been your only activity?"

"You got a problem with that?" Eva growled.

"No! No problem here," Jasmine quickly assured her. "It just makes me all the more glad that you're on my team. That sort of strength will be a real asset."

"Oh, so now you want me on your team, huh?" Eva asked, narrowing her eyes at Jasmine.

"What?"

Suddenly, a voice echoed throughout the cave.

"Hey, everyone!" Brick called out. "We're back!"

Everyone turned in the direction of his voice, and their jaws immediately dropped. Tyler and Brick stood silhouetted at the mouth of the cave.

Jo stared at them in disbelief. "No. Way."

The pair slowly walked forward, struggling to transport their massive haul of fish without dropping any. Finally, they reached the center of the cave, and dumped the fish on the ground next to the fire. Brick wiped his hands off, grinning.

"You could say it was a successful morning out on the water," he said.

"Wow! Who caught all of that?" Jasmine asked. "That's amazing!"

Tyler glanced down at the ground, his shoulders slumped. Before he could answer, however, Brick spoke for him.

"It was an equal effort, of course," the cadet said, placing a hand on Tyler's shoulder. "Tyler and I really made quite the team."

"Okay, that's great and all, but I still refuse to believe this is real," Jo said. "My whole understanding of reality is crumbling. How are you two actually competent at something?"

"Worried about your place on the team, eh Jo?" Duncan asked as he stood up and walked over to fish pile. He placed a hand on Brick's shoulder. "Nice work, my man."

Brick blushed dark red, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"N-no p-problem!" he stuttered. "Th-thanks for the c-compliment. And j-just so you know... you're, like, my man also, D-Duncan."

Jo rolled her eyes. "Great, now I've lost my appetite."

Tyler, who was still looking gloomy, suddenly perked up. "Oh yeah, it's food time! I almost forgot." He rubbed his stomach in anticipation. "I've been waiting way too long for some nutrition. Time to get my macros, baby!" The jock reached down and picked up a massive silver trout.

"Wait, Tyler!" Brick exclaimed. "Stop!"

Tyler lowered the fish from his mouth. "What? What's the deal, man?"

"You can't just eat the fish like that. We first have to-"

"Cook it? HA! I'm not that weak. Maybe you need your fish served to you all fancy-like, but I can eat it raw. Because I'm a real man."

Grinning, Tyler opened his jaw wide and enthusiastically bit down into the center of the fish. There was a loud metallic clang that echoed throughout the cave.

Tyler glanced down, and saw that his teeth hadn't even penetrated the fish.

"...I was going to say, we first have to sort them," Brick said, beckoning to the pile. "Remember how this island is still largely mechanical? A lot of these fish are real, but some are definitely robots." He pointed to the one between Tyler's teeth. "Like that one."

Tyler lowered the fish from his mouth. "...Oh." He turned away and quietly spat a bloody tooth into his hand.

Suddenly, a hole in the ceiling of the cave opened up, and a flatscreen TV extended down from it, lowering until it was eye level with the Brawns. The screen lit up and switched to Chris' beaming face.

"Good morning, campers!" he announced.

"Welp, if I hadn't lost my appetite before, I definitely have now," Jo sighed.

"Wow, thanks for that. Good morning to you too," Chris said, scowling. He glanced down, looking as if he was fiddling with something.

Duncan crossed his arms. "...Well? Do you have an announcement or something? Or are you just gonna keep jerking off in front of us?"

"I'm not jerking off!" Chris snapped. "I'm trying to tune into the other campsites! But the buttons are, like, really hard. There's soooo many of them."

The screen suddenly started wildly spinning around in circles, before coming to a stop again.

"Nope, not that one," Chris muttered to himself.

He reached down and pressed another button. There was the sound of an explosion and screaming in this distance.

"...Definitely not that one," Chris said, cringing. He glanced down at the control panel, examining it. "Let's see... this one looks promising."

The screen suddenly switched to a video of Chris dancing in his underwear to "Mo Bamba" by Sheck Wes, prancing around in his bedroom.

"OH MY GOD! No, no not that one! Don't look!"

Jo covered her eyes in disgust. "Why would you even have a button devoted to that function?"

"CHEF! HELP ME!" Chris screamed.

The Brawns could hear Chef's voice over the music as he entered the control room.

"Jesus, Chris, it ain't that hard! How many times do I gotta teach you all the buttons?! And that you never press that one in front of the kids?!"

Chris was sobbing now. "I f-forgot! I'm s-sorry! Just make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Okay, okay... just calm down... I know you're trying your best, buddy. Just relax."

There was the sound of shuffling, and then the screen switched back to a view of the control room, where Chef was now cradling Chris.

"C-can you figure out how to tune into the other campers?" Chris whispered into the cook's ear.

Chef nodded, and reached over the quivering host to operate the control panel.

At the Brains campsite, Harold was practicing his martial arts by the river, swinging a piece of wood around like sword.

"HI-Y-"

The nerd was cut off as a TV screen popped out of the ground underneath him, slamming directly into his crotch. Harold groaned as he slid off of the top of the TV and collapsed down next to it.

Noah walked over and glanced down at Harold's crumpled body.

"Wow. Talk about choosing the worst place to stand."

Meanwhile, at the Beauty campsite, Justin was admiring his reflection when a TV screen suddenly swung out the palm tree next to him, slamming into his face and knocking him unconscious.

As both teams gathered around their respective screens, the screen switched back to the control room again, where Chris was now clutching Chef and softly crying.

"I'm sorry, Chef... I don't know why I said what I said last night... I need you... by God, this show would be nothing without you. I would be nothing without you. You're my rock, Chef. And you rock my world."

Heather put her hands on her hips. "Do you have anything actually important to tell us? Or is your 'announcement' that you and Chef are coming out of the closet?"

Chris turned back to the screen, scowling. "You're just jealous because you know you'll never have something like this with Alejandro. Something this real."

"Perhaps so," Alejandro sighed, gazing sadly down at the ground.

"Still, I am unfortunately 100 percent straight," Chris said, stroking Chef's cheek as he tenderly got up off of his lap. He stood in front of the camera, grinning. "Actually, you might say I'm drama-sexual. Fitting, because I'm about to bring you all the drama ten-fold! None of you teens are prepared for what's about to go down."

"Oh my God, we have a challenge!" Courtney gasped sarcastically. "And it's probably life-threatening and stupid! We've never done this before."

"Right you are, Courtney," Chris said, smirking. "We do have a challenge. Guess you figured it out. You're so much smarter than me."

"WHAT?" Tyler gasped, genuinely shocked. "A CHALLENGE?"

"That's right, campers! The first challenge of Total Drama: Brain vs Brawn vs Beauty is about to go underway!" Chris declared. A map of the island appeared on the screen. "Located somewhere on this island are three exclusive immunity tank-tops." An image of a black and red tank top with the words 'IMMUNE AS F**K' flashed on screen. "Pretty stylish, aren't they? Best of all, there's one for Brain, one for Brawn, and one for Beauty!"

"Ew," Anne Maria gagged. "Those are hideous. Who would wear that in public?"

Chris glanced over at the immunity tank-top sitting in his closet, and wiped a tear away from his eye. He then turned back to the camera.

"People who want to defy the labels of fashion and truly express themselves, that's who. Anyways, your job is to find your tank-top before the others."

"Got it, Mclean," Jo said, nodding. "So the first two team to find it get immunity, right?"

Chris crossed his arms. "I don't know why you would make that assumption, Jo."

"How else would a team win?" Cameron asked, frowning.

"Whoever said this was a team challenge?"

Everyone suddenly fell silent.

"...Let me explain," Chris said. "After watching last night's footage, we decided that you teams were getting along way too well. Too much camaraderie and love and positive emotions. Yuck."

"How in the world could that be your conclusion from watching?" Noah asked, glancing over at Heather and Courtney.

Chris shrugged. "There can never be enough delicious drama, Noah. Especially for a drama-sexual like me. So I came up with a really fun idea last night! Instead of having the teams compete against one another, what if we had you guys compete against your teammates?"

"No!" Brick cried in horror. "No, that's not fun! That's the opposite of fun! Teammates are supposed to work together!"

"False. Do you know what show you're on? Total Drama, at its core, is an individual game. And I think this challenge will help remind you of that fact." Chris glanced down at a sheet of paper in front of him. "Let's just make sure I said everything I wanted to say. To recap: there are three immunity tank-tops. First person from each team to find theirs is safe tonight. That's all there is to it. Ready to go?"

"But wait..." Scarlett said. "If there are three immunity necklaces, what does that mean? Who's going to the campfire ceremony?"

"Oh, wait," Chris said, glancing back down at his list. "That's the part I forgot. You're all going!"

"WHAT?!" Courtney gasped.

Chris smirked at her. "Still think you always know what's coming next, Mrs. Smarty Pants? That's right. Didn't think so." He addressed the rest of the contestants. "Tonight, for the first time in Total Drama history, there will be three Campfire Ceremonies!"

"Hold on," Heather said, her eyes wide. "Does that mean...?"

Chris beamed. "That's right, Heather! Tonight, for the first time ever, not one, not two, but..."

Heather and Courtney dropped their heads, knowing what was coming next.

"...three people will be sent home!"

How will the campers react, now that I've changed up the whole game? Ideally not well.

Is this the sort of twist that will get me the ratings I need to stay afloat and purchase another hot tub? Ideally two.

Will Alejandro take Dawn out?

Will Eva take Jasmine out?

Will Heather and Courtney take each other out, if they don't kill each other first?

Will Chef take me out to dinner?

See all of these questions answered and more on the next thrilling installment of

TOTAL DRAMA: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY!

NEXT TIME: It's a mad scramble for the immunity tank-tops, and then a mad scramble for votes.

A Message from the Cheesebub: Hello, anyone who is still a part of the Total Drama fanfiction community. It's been almost two years since I last updated this story, but I finally, somehow, miraculously have a new chapter out. It's crazy what having your computer fall apart when you're sentences away from finishing the chapter and having to start all over again can do to your writing motivation. But here I am again. And this time, I hope I can stay and actually pump out some consistent updates. I know the main Total Drama series is cancelled and all, but hopefully there are still some readers out there that enjoy a good fan-made story. If you're still reading this, let me know in a review! Tell me who you think is gonna go home from each team. Until next time!