Episode 1 Part 4 – Three Ya Later

"Tonight, for the first time ever, not one, not two, but three people will be sent home!" Chris announced.

"Three?!" Tyler gasped. "But that's like…" He glanced down at his fingers, counting, before his eyes widened. "…All of us? We're all going home?! OH MY GOD!"

"Uh…. I think your math might be just a tad bit off there, Tyler," Chris chuckled. "As much fun as that would be for me, eliminating all of you wouldn't make for a very compelling TV product, now would it?"

"But eliminating three of us somehow will?" Courtney exclaimed, looking rattled. "There's no way you can't afford to do that! You won't have enough episodes now!"

Heather nodded at this. "It'll totally sink your ratings, Chris. And we can't have that. We love Total Drama too much."

"Aww, it's so nice that you girls have the show's best interests at heart," Chris said with a smirk. "But don't worry. We already have that situation covered. The remaining episodes will be jam-packed with exclusive Total Drama content!"

Courtney crossed her arms. "Like what?"

"Like this!"

The screen switched to footage of Duncan from earlier in the morning. He was sitting in the cave, doing nothing.

"How is that 'exclusive content'?" Jo asked.

"Yeah, man," said Duncan, look uncomfortable. "Nobody wants to see this."

"Oh really? Just wait!" Chris shot back.

The camera remained trained on Duncan. The delinquent continued to do nothing.

"Wait for it… wait for it…"

Duncan reached down and scratched his balls.

"BOOM! Ratings gold, baby," Chris declared as the screen switched back to the host. "The fans are gonna go wild."

"Right you are, Chris!" Topher cheered, applauding. "I don't know how you do it, but you just keep rolling out the hits. Television magic yet again."

"Thank you, Topher. I'm glad somebody can appreciate more subtle forms of art."

"But of course! My viewing palatte is finely attuned to the acquired sophistication of Total Drama." Topher paused and glanced up at the screen, where Duncan continued to scratch his balls. "That being said, while this is a great clip, I don't think it quite compares to the breathtaking 'Duncan picking his nose' scene from two seasons ago."

The camera suddenly switched to a glaring Chris.

"What did you just say?!"

Topher shrugged. "It's comparing apples to oranges, of course. But I just thought that scene contained more emotional poignancy and dramatic weight while fitting more tightly with the overall theme of its season."

"Wow. Just wow." Chris shook his head in disgust. "Your palette obviously still needs some serious development, Topher. Otherwise, you'd realize that 'Duncan scratching his balls' blows 'Duncan picking his nose' out of the water from a technical and thematic perspective."

Topher frowned. "How so? 'Duncan picking his nose' received unprecedented critical acclaim. I don't know how you top that."

"Do I seriously need to walk you through it step-by-step like a baby?" Chris snapped. "To start, let's look at the cinematography. 'Duncan picking his nose' employs a series of rapid cuts and frenetic camera movement, two techniques that are best suited for conveying action. And that's what we get as a result- I'm not denying the fact that it's a stellar action sequence. But I would argue that these same techniques take away from a lot of the dramatic tension. In 'Duncan scratching his balls', however, we employ a completely different method. The camera remains tightly focused on Duncan the entire time. It never moves; it never pulls away despite the intense action onscreen. We are drawn into Duncan's world and remain there throughout the static shot. It continually builds the tension and never releases it until the payoff- making the pivotal moment that much more sensational."

"That's a fair critique of 'Duncan Picking his Nose'- but not one I haven't heard before," Topher remarked. "I think there's a lot of symbolism in 'Duncan Picking his Nose' that you're missing."

Chris laughed with disbelief. "Really? You think I'm missing the symbolism? In a scene that I directed?"

"Umm… what do you mean, 'directed'?" Duncan asked, looking even more uncomfortable now.

Chris and Topher both ignored him.

"The intent of the artist is only one factor to consider when analyzing a piece of art, Chris," Topher explained. "You may not have intended it, but I find that the rapid camerawork fits perfectly with Duncan's character arc during Total Drama All-Stars. Here you have a man with a war raging deep inside of him- is he the bad boy, or is he the good boy? It's a question that is tearing apart the very fabric of his soul- he needs an answer, even if no true answer exists. And as he digs around inside of his nose, it's as if he is digging for the truth- a truth that he desperately needs, but may never find. I think the pacing of the scene perfectly captures that confusion, that desperation that is quickly leading Duncan towards insanity, and will culminate in him blowing up your cottage in the explosive conclusion to his arc."

Chris rolled his eyes. "Yeah whatever, Topher. Duncan's arc this season is so layered and subtle that it would fly completely over your asymmetrical head if you even tried to analyze it. Besides, film isn't all about systematic analysis like it's a science experiment. Film is an art. It's about instinct- something you'll never have."

Brick suddenly chimed in.

"I hate to interrupt this spirited debate, but perhaps my third-party perspective can help. I've actually done a series of video essays on the most pivotal Duncan scenes throughout the series." He pointed to the screen. "So if we could just pull up YouTube—"

"NO!" everyone shouted.

Jo pushed Brick out of the way.

"I think we can all agree that you freaks have traumatized Duncan enough," she concluded. "Get to the challenge, Mclean."

"That's what I was trying to do before Topher questioned my Duncan expertise," Chris muttered. "But I'll be the bigger man, even though Topher definitely weighs more than me."

The screen switched to a map of the island. Three symbols appeared on the map- one at the cave, one by the river, and one by the beach.

"These markers represent your teams," Chris said. Another three flashing red markers appeared on the map, moving around the island. "And these three symbols represent the three immunity tank tops, which are located in secret spots somewhere within the forest. Your goal: find a tank top before any of your other teammates. Once one of your teammates finds a tank top, then the challenge is over for the rest of the team- everyone else will be up for elimination."

"Did you really need an elaborate graphic for this?" Noah asked.

Chris ignored him. "Finding these tank tops will require more than just luck. You will have to utilize your brains, brawn, and beauty if you hope to succeed."

"How would we utilize our beauty?" Cameron asked, confused.

"That's something I'm pretty you won't need to worry about, four-eyes," Chris snickered.

"Agreed!" Harold proclaimed, placing a hand on Cameron's shoulder. "You're a truly beautiful man, Cameron. Your beauty will undoubtedly play to your advantage, so you need not worry about it."

"I actually meant Cameron is really ugly, but moving on," Chris said. "To actually answer the question: you will need brains to figure out where the tank top is located. You will need brawns to get ahold of the tank top once you find it- they will not be easy to reach. And you will need beauty to look good once you're wearing the tank top."

"Obviously just as important," Courtney said sarcastically.

"With that, I think we're just about ready to get going." Chris glanced down at his notes. "One other matter to attend to… Topher, I'm afraid you don't get to compete today."

"WHAT?!" Topher screamed. "Why?!"

"You questioned my hosting authority. And while that's not as bad as hatching some dastardly plan to take over my job as host, it's certainly a gateway to it. So you have to be punished."

Topher hung his head. "Understood. I must learn from my mistakes."

"Hold on, that's not fair," Noah said. "I question your hosting authority all the time, and I never get to sit out of a challenge."

Chris' eyes lit up. "That actually brings me to my final point. Today's your lucky day, Noah. Because for this challenge, you all are allowed sit out."

Noah's eyes widened. "….What?" He lowered his book. "We can… ?"

"That's right. You can sit out. You don't have to compete."

Noah stared at Chris for a moment, processing what had been said.

"Am I… dreaming?" the know-it-all whispered. Then he fainted, landing on the ground at Courtney's feet.

"Looks like someone's excited," Chris chuckled. "So with that, let's see who's competing!"

A table suddenly rose out of the ground in front of each team. On each table were six black rocks and six white rocks.

"Everyone grab a black rock and white rock and put them behind your back," Chris said. "The black rock means you wish to partake in today's festivities and the white rock means you're sitting out. On the count of three, you all will reveal the rock you have chosen."

"OMG, so you're actually serious?" Anne Maria gasped. "We, like… actually don't have to compete in the stupid challenge?"

Chris' eyelid twitched. "No you don't have to compete in the 'stupid challenge'. You're all adults, so you can make your own decisions this time around. I would hope you would want to compete, but I can't force you." He looked sternly at all of them. "But remember that competing in challenges is more than just a test of ability. It's a test of character. When you take part in a Total Drama challenge, you're proving something to yourself. That you're ready to tackle anything head-on, even if you might not succeed. That you're not afraid to fail, because every failure is an opportunity to—"

"Am I allowed to only take a 'sit out' rock?" Justin interrupted. "I want to make sure I don't accidentally choose to compete."

"No, Justin," Chris sighed. "One of each rock, please."

Everyone shuffled over to the their team's table – except for Topher, who sat moping in a corner; and Noah, who remained unconscious on the ground. Once all the other contestants had their rocks behind their back, Chris addressed the teams again.

"Okay, everyone! Let's get to the dramatic reveal. On the count of three, make your choice. 3… 2…"

"WAIT!"

All the Brawns turned to Brick, who had shouted out in desperation. The cadet blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"… Which rock is which again?"

Everyone groaned.

"This is not that complicated," Chris scolded Brick. "I would hope you could remember two colors. But to reiterate: white rock means you want to compete, and black rock means you want to sit out. Got it?"

"Hold on," Alejandro cut in. "You said the opposite before– that the black rock means compete, and the white rock means sit out. You changed it just now. So which is it?"

Chris frowned. "What are you talking about? I didn't change it."

"You definitely just did, dude," Duncan said.

"No I didn't, but whatever. I guess I'll repeat myself again. Black rock means you compete. And brown rock means you sit out. This is simple stuff, guys!"

"Brown rock?!" Heather repeated, staring back at the host. "What are you talking about? There's no brown rock!"

"Oh. Is that what I said?" Chris scratched his head. "My bad. I originally had a brown rock but changed it because brown is an awful color."

"Wonderful story," Jo said sarcastically. "Now give us clear instructions, you dolt."

"I am giving you clear instructions! Black means you want to compete, white means you're sitting out. So if you're not interested in doing the challenge, choose the black rock. Otherwise, choose the white rock. I don't know how it could be any more clear!"

"Clear?! You just contradicted yourself again from one sentence to the NEXT!" Eva shouted.

"You guys are the ones that are making it so confusing!" Chris snapped back. "It all made sense in my head."

"Couldn't we just raise our hands and make our decision that way?" Jasmine asked, glancing at her rocks. "I feel like that would have the same effect and be way less complicated."

"Don't be ridiculous," Chris laughed. "This is the ONLY way to do it."

"Then stop being so incompetent!" Courtney snapped.

Chef stepped into frame and addressed the teams.

"Listen up, assholes. You may not have known this, but Chris is colorblind, so this sh** is a real struggle for him. He's trying his best. Show him some goddamn respect!"

"It's true," Chris sighed, glancing down. "I didn't want to bring it up, but I have dealt with colorblindness my whole life. It's been a constant struggle."

"Then why was this your idea?!" Heather asked in exasperation.

"Because I want to dream!" Chris cried. "Aren't we all allowed to dream? According to you campers, apparently not. You all have helped perpetuate the systematic oppression of colorblind people that plagues this country. So thanks for that." He turned to Chef. "Can you please take over? I'm gonna go cry for a bit. At least my eyes are good for something."

Chef turned to the screen and shouted at the campers as Chris disappeared offscreen.

"LISTEN UP YOU INSENSITIVE PRICKS! I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR ALL THE BACKTALK! BLACK ROCK MEANS YOU WANNA COMPETE! WHITE ROCK MEANS YOU WANNA SIT ON YOUR LAZY ASS! CHOOSE YOUR ROCK ON THE COUNT OF THREE OR I'LL SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR ASS! THREE, TWO..."

The campers all frantically made sure they had the right rock.

"….REVEAL!"

Everyone revealed his or her choice. Chris returned onscreen, wiping away tears. He looked around with his eyebrows raised.

"Wow. Some interesting decisions here indeed. Let's break it down team-by-team." The host turned his attention to the Beauty beach, where the team members stood with their rock of choice in hand. "From Team Beauty… Justin, Anne Maria, and Dawn have all elected to sit out. With Topher disqualified from the challenge, that leaves just two competitors: Alejandro and Sugar. Should be an absolutely thrilling match-up."

Alejandro glanced around at his team, frowning. "Really, amigos? I must say… this is not a very good look."

"Not a good look? Do you see me?" Justin asked, flexing his muscles.

"That's not what I… never mind," Alejandro sighed.

"Moving along, we have the Brawns. Brick, Tyler, Jo, Jasmine, and Eva have all chosen to compete. The only sit-out is Duncan."

The rest of the Brawns turned to Duncan, who looked back at them in confusion.

"You're looking at me like I'm the crazy one," he said. "I thought this was a no-brainer."

"…And finally, from the Brains, we have three competitors," Chris said. "Harold, Courtney, and Heather. Cameron and Scarlett have elected to watch from the sidelines."

Harold whipped around to face Cameron and Scarlett.

"What?! Why?!" he asked in horror. "Why would you guys not want to compete? Are we not warriors? Do we not wish to fight with honor? A warrior never backs down from a challenge!"

Cameron hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry, Harold. I really didn't want to sit out. I just don't think I can win this one. You guys are so much stronger than me."

"But… Cameron… you're the full package!" Harold exclaimed. "You're a competitor unlike any I've seen! Your skillz… they're truly immeasurable! And most important of all… you're my friend!" He dropped to his knees in front of the bubble boy. "Please! You just have to believe in yourself! Because I believe in you! We ALL believe in you!" He turned to Heather and Courtney. "Right, guys?"

"Nah, Cameron definitely made the right decision," Courtney said as Heather nodded in agreement.

"I don't know, Harold," Cameron sighed. "Without Mike and Zoey here, I just don't know if I can do it on my own."

"I can be your Mike and your Zoey!" Harold cried. "You can still change your mind! Join us in battle!"

"Actually, no he can't," Chris broke in. "Cameron already made his wimpy decision. There's no going back."

Harold threw his hands up to the sky in agony. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Calm down!" Heather hissed at the wailing geek. "It's literally Cameron you're getting this worked up over!" She then turned to Chris. "What about Noah? He never made a decision." She pointed to the bookworm, who was curled up in a ball, still passed out.

Chris grinned. "I'm sure Noah would've chosen to compete. The man just loves my challenges. So he can join in as well!"

Harold jumped up from his knees. "Hooray!" He placed a hand on his heart. "While I admit that losing Cameron is tough, I can't wait to go to battle with my dear friend Noah. He and I share a special bond."

"I'm starting to get the sense that these 'friendships' of yours are a bit one-sided," Chris said. He then addressed the rest of the teams. "All right, then. The people who are competing: you can go compete."

Everyone looked around at each other in confusion, and then back to Chris.

"Wait… are you saying the challenge has started?" Jasmine asked.

Chris frowned. "Uh… yeah. Did I not make that clear?"

"I just feel like you could've said it with a little more build-up," Courtney said. "That came out of nowhere. And you said it, like, super casually. You didn't change the inflection on your voice at all."

Chris rubbed his temples. "Just GO!"

With that, the competitors all raced out of their campsites, leaving behind the rest of their teammates.

"So now what?" Justin asked Chris, filing his nails. "Do we just chill at camp until they come back?"

"… Not exactly," Chris answered, smirking.

The ground underneath each remaining camper's feet suddenly gave way, and they all screamed as they fell downward into the earth.

Pahkitew Island (Interior)

The screaming contestants hurtled down separate tubes, flying past churning gears and buzzing machinery. As they fell deeper and deeper into island's core, each of their individual tubes converged on one another, until all of the campers were free-falling down the same pipe.

Suddenly, light appeared beneath them, and the pipe opened up into a room. One-by-one, each camper fell through the ceiling and crashed down onto a tile floor, forming a groaning pile of bodies. The ceiling then closed up again, leaving them in the room by themselves.

"Well, that was a question I should not have asked," Justin groaned.

Everyone slowly got up, looking around. The room was brightly lit, with rows of desks stretching from wall to wall. At the front of the room was a chalkboard and bigger desk, which looked to be made for a teacher.

Cameron adjusted his glasses as he took in his surroundings.

"…Can it be?" he wondered. The bubble boy gasped when he noticed rows of books lining the walls. "It is!" He dropped to his knees and threw his hands up in joy. "We're in a place of learning! "

"WHAT?! We're at SCHOOL?!" Anne Maria shouted, shoving Cameron out of the way. "No! There's no way I'm gonna go to school right now!"

"Me neither!" Justin cried, looking around in fear. He started to hyperventilate. "I don't wanna learn anything! I haven't learned in years!"

"I'm sure you've learned something," Scarlett said, standing next to the panicking model. "Haven't you ever read a book?"

"There are BOOKS here?!" Justin screamed. He shook his head. "My brain did not sign up for this! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

The model frantically ran over to the exit door and threw it open. However, standing right outside the doorway was Chef Hatchet. Justin jumped back in shock.

"How long were you standing there?" he asked, backing away as Chef entered the classroom and closed the door again.

A large flat-screen TV descended from the ceiling at the front of the classroom, and switched to none other than Chris Mclean. However, the host wasn't flashing his usual smile.

"Everybody please take a seat at your desk," Chris said sternly. His voice lacked all of its usual enthusiasm.

"Do we have assigned seats?" Cameron asked enthusiastically. "When's the first homework due? I can't wait to—"

"SIT DOWN, PIPSQUEAK!"

Cameron quickly shut up, as the campers all shuffled to a desk. There was an awkward silence as Chris slowly eyed each of them individually, his expression dark and menacing.

"Um… Chris? May I ask what you are doing?" Dawn asked, looking concerned.

"Sorry. Just want to get a good look at who the traitors are."

"Huh?"

"YOU HEARD ME!" Chris shouted. "You've all been exposed as two-faced, good-for-nothing TRAITORS!"

"T-traitors?" Cameron stuttered, trembling in his seat. "H-how am I a traitor?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "Why don't you ask that question to all the other contestants, who are up there competing right now? Putting their blood, sweat, and tears into the challenge while you guys sit around like you're too good for my show?"

"Wait… that's what you're mad at us about?" Justin asked in disbelief. "For sitting out? But you literally gave us a choice!"

"It was a test," Chris growled. "Since the start of this season, something's been off – like there's been an undercurrent of unenthusiasm." He chuckled. "I came up with that phrase all on my own. At first I thought it was just the Brains team- but then I realized the problem was far more widespread than that. So I devised this test as a means to pinpoint the source of the problem. That problem is you guys."

"The only reason we're unenthusiastic is because your show is boring and predictable," Duncan said, leading a few others to nod in agreement. "So really, you're the problem."

"Me? The problem?" Chris burst out laughing. "No, Duncan, I am the solution. And you have the nerve to call my show predictable? When I just totally blindsided you and led you right into my trap?"

"Oh, I knew it was a trap," Duncan said. "I just really didn't want to compete."

Chris shook his head in disbelief. "Wow. I would expect better from you of all people, Duncan. You're supposed to be the star of the show! How can you be the star of the show if you hate the show?!"

"That's what I've been asking myself for five seasons," Duncan sighed to himself.

"Anyways, you're probably all wondering what this place is," Chris said, addressing the rest of the group.

"It's a classroom! We're in class right now!" Cameron cried out, raising his hand. "Did I get it right, Mr. Mclean?"

"I'm afraid not, Cameron. But please keep calling me 'Mr. Mclean'. I'm a fan of that. But no, this is quite the opposite of your normal classroom."

Chris pressed a button, and confetti suddenly rained down from the ceiling. "Welcome to… Total! Drama! Detention!"

"'Total Drama Detention'?" Anne Maria repeated in confusion as confetti landed on her hair.

"That's right. Pretty sweet name, don't you think?"

"It sounds like the title to a really sh*tty fanfic," Duncan said.

"Well, unlike a sh*tty fanfic, Total Drama Detention is no laughing matter," Chris said sternly. "The confetti is actually quite ironic. Because, while the challenge is still going, you all will sit here in complete silence and solemnly think about your actions. You cannot leave your desks. You cannot go outside to use the restroom. Frankly, you shouldn't even breathe unless absolutely necessary."

"But I shouldn't even be here, Chris!" Topher complained. "I wanted to compete!"

"It doesn't matter what brought you to Total Drama Detention, Topher," Chris sighed. "If you're here, that means you did something wrong. And you, Topher, definitely earned your trip to detention."

"W-wait… d-detention?" Cameron stuttered. "W-we're in detention right now?"

"Uh, yeah," Chris said, frowning. "I'm pretty sure we established that a while ago. For a 'star student', you're kind of slow."

"G-GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Cameron screamed, racing toward the door. "This can't go on my permanent record!"

The scrawny boy threw open the door. However, Chef was once again standing in the doorway, ready to intercept. The cook grabbed Cameron by the brim of his pants and hurled him back into the classroom. Cameron flew through the air and landed perfectly back in his seat, his head spinning.

"Nice throw," Chris chuckled as Chef entered the classroom and closed the door behind him. "Chef will be supervising all of you and making sure none of you step out of line. Any questions?"

"Yeah, I have a question," Justin called out, raising his hand. "Can I leave?"

"No, Justin," Chris sighed. "You cannot leave."

"Can I leave?" Anne Maria asked hopefully.

"Okay, that's enough 'questions'. Have fun, traitors!" Chris switched off the TV, leaving the campers alone with Chef, who was sitting at the teacher's desk.

Chef slowly rose up from his seat, his arms behind his back. He walked past the rows of desks in silence, eyeing each 'student' closely.

"I don't wanna see ANY funny business," he warned. "If I so much as see one of you smiling, I'll knock out your two front teeth. And then you can be matching with Cody and me. Do you want that?!"

"Oh god no!" Justin cried out. "You and Cody have hideous teeth!"

Chef rolled his eyes, and continued his speech as he walked toward the back of the classroom.

"…You may think I'm only a cook; that I ain't cut out for this job. That I can't control you all in a classroom setting." He smirked. "But I know a classroom better than you think. In fact, in an alternate universe, I'm actually a teacher – and you guys are all my students. You're also all a bunch of six-year-olds for some reason, but that's beside the point."

"We don't want to hear about your weird fantasies, dude," Duncan said, causing the whole class to laugh.

Chef immediately turned at the sound of his voice, his eyes bloodshot. Duncan was sitting at the back of the classroom on top of his desk, carving a skull into the back wall.

"…You," Chef hissed. The cook stormed toward the delinquent until he was right in front of him, casting a shadow over him. "You're the one who's always causing trouble in my classroom. Every day, you're leading the rest of the kids on some wacky adventure filled with kooky hijinks. And worst of all – you're ALWAYS trying to break out of the daycare!"

"Fantasizing about me specifically?" Duncan asked. "I'm flattered."

Chef's fists clenched as laughter filled the air. He took a deep breath.

"I can see what you're doing here," he said, narrowing his eyes. "You're trying to undermine my authority, get me all flustered and embarrassed. You think that with your well-timed quips, you're gonna be able to turn this classroom against me." Chef laughed. "But you can't break me. I RUN this place. This place is my KINGDOM. And nobody dethrones the king."

Two minutes later…

Chef now sat in the corner of the classroom, rocking back and forth and sucking his thumb, while heavy punk music blasted. The whole classroom was filled with chatter and laughter as people mingled around, enjoying themselves. Duncan, meanwhile, sat at Chef's desk with a blasting boom box, finishing a beer.

"Who knew Chef had so many of these?" he laughed, reaching into the desk to grab another drink. With the beer in hand, he stood up in front of the class and raised it into the air. "To detention! DUNCAN STYLE!"

Everyone cheered in response.

Confession Cam

Duncan: Ahh… detention. It's good to be back, baby.

End of Confessionals

Grabbing the remaining six-pack, Duncan strolled around the classroom, high-fiving everyone and handing people beers. He stopped when he reached Cameron and Scarlett. The bubble boy had his head in hands while Scarlett tried to comfort him.

"I'm pretty sure I already know the answer, but do either of you guys want a drink?" Duncan asked.

"Sorry – I prefer not to have my cognitive abilities impaired," Scarlett said. "And Cameron's heart will reverse directions if he touches even a drop of alcohol."

"'Reverse directions'?" Duncan repeated.

"Rare medical condition," Scarlett explained. "His blood starts flowing in the opposite direction."

"Freaky," Duncan said, sitting down at the desk next to them. He pointed to Cameron. "So what's up with him, anyway?"

"He's having an emotional breakdown because this is his first detention," Scarlett said, patting Cameron on the head.

"Did you even have detention growing up?" Duncan asked Cameron. "Weren't you home schooled?"

"I did have detention…" Cameron spoke up, lifting his head and wiping the snot from his nose. "My mom threatened to put me in a smaller bubble inside of my bubble."

Duncan cringed. "Yikes."

Cameron slumped his shoulders. "Harold was right. I should've believed in myself and gone for it! Mike and Zoey would've never ended up here, that's for sure. And now this'll forever taint me."

"Dude, relax," Duncan said, popping open another beer. "Detention is not that big of deal. Besides, I'm sure you had a perfectly good reason to not want to do the challenge. As in, literally any reason."

"I agree," Scarlett said. "Cameron and I made a perfectly logical choice. We will not be going home either way, so there is no need to win immunity and risk our lives doing so."

"Oh really?" Duncan raised an eyebrow. "You're pretty confident."

"Heather and Courtney have both alienated themselves from the group in various ways," Scarlett explained. "And only one of them will win immunity. If Heather wins, the team will vote out Courtney. If Courtney wins, the team will vote out Heather."

"What about if Noah or Harold wins?" Cameron asked.

"I… had not considered that variable," Scarlett admitted. "It's too far out of the realm of possibility."

"So Courtney could really be going home first, huh?" Duncan asked. He was silent for a moment. "That'd be… interesting."

"Not particularly interesting, no," Scarlett said, her eyes trained elsewhere all of a sudden. "Courtney's always going to be a first-boot target due to her abrasive personality and lack of challenge skill to make up for it." She suddenly stood up. "Excuse me. I need to… go find a restroom."

"Wait… you're leaving?" Cameron asked, looking up again.

By the time the words left his mouth, Scarlett had already left her desk and was by the exit. She quietly opened the door, gazed back at the room, and then ominously slipped away into the shadows.

Duncan watched Scarlett leave, before slowly turning back to Cameron.

"So… you trying to hit that or what?"

"W-what?! N-no!" Cameron stuttered, blushing deep red. "Scarlett and I are just friends!"

"Cool. I'll keep that in mind." With a wink, Duncan stood back up to go get more beer.

Confession Cam

Cameron: Scarlett and I definitely get along, but I'm still trying to figure her out. I mean, I hardly know anything about her! (He pauses, thinking.) Although to be fair, I hardly knew anything about Zoey, either. I still don't know what exactly makes her an "Indie Chick", to be honest.

End of Confessionals

Forest

Eva, Jasmine, Jo, and Brick all sprinted alongside each other down a forest path, with the challenge having just gotten underway. The camera panned backward to Tyler, who was far behind and struggling already. Brick glanced back in concern.

"Hey guys, shouldn't we wait for Tyler?" he asked the others. "He's having a bit of trouble keeping up."

"Why would we do that?" Jo asked, turning to him as she ran. "I don't know if you're aware, but this is an individual challenge. We're competing against one another."

"Just because we're competing against one another doesn't mean we can't still work together as a team! That way we can all be winners."

"Let me know how that works out for ya," Jo said, before sprinting ahead.

Brick glanced back again. Then he nodded, smiling.

"No man left behind," he whispered to himself.

With that, the cadet slowed his pace until he was walking alongside Tyler, who was still running. The sports enthusiast was taking massive strides, but somehow moving slower than walking pace.

"What… do you want?" the jock asked between heavy pants. "Or did you… just come back here…. to admire my running form?"

"Your running form is impeccable, sir," Brick said. "But I actually came to see if you wanted to team up. If we combine our efforts, we'll definitely find one of the tank tops!"

"How does… that work? There's only one tank top… and two of us!"

"Once we find it, we'll find a way to compete for it fair and square. Like true athletes."

Tyler came to a stop, looking at Brick with his eyes wide.

"You think I'm… a true athlete?" he whispered.

"Of course!" Brick nodded enthusiastically. "I mean, you're wearing a headband, after all."

"EXACTLY!" Tyler shouted, proudly beckoning to his headband. "Nobody ever gives me enough credit for that!"

Brick extended his hand. "So, you in?"

Tyler thought for a moment. His eyes slowly lit up. Then he reached forward and clasped Brick's hand.

"You've got yourself a deal, my friend." Tyler winked at the camera as he shook hands with the military buff.

Confession Cam

Tyler: Brick fell right into my trap. He says he wants to help me find the tank top, and then he wants to compete for it? Against me? That's foolish on his part. He said it himself: I'm the one wearing a headband. Look at him- his forehead is completely exposed to the elements! He won't stand a chance in a one-on-one competition. Especially not against THESE babies! (Tyler flexes his biceps for the camera. However, in doing so, he accidentally dislocates both of his elbows.) AUGH! ********************************!

End of Confessionals

Jo continued to sprint down the path, a considerable distance behind Jasmine, who cleared ten yards with every stride. Eva suddenly pulled up next to Jo.

"We need a plan," she whispered.

Jo turned to her. "A plan?"

"Yeah. This isn't looking good." Eva pointed to Jasmine up ahead. "Attack on Titan is barely breaking a sweat. If we don't do something, she's gonna find that tank top before either of us."

"Damn, you're right," Jo groaned. "And then our whole plan goes out the window. But how do we stop her?"

"We do have one advantage. There's two of us, and only one of her."

"But what good will that do if neither of us can even keep up with her? She's an athletic freak!"

Eva's eyes flashed. "You leave that to me. Jasmine's fast, but I can tell she has no stamina. Those massive bones are gonna wear out eventually. And when they do, I'll be right on her tail, ready to intercept. So you go look for the tank top, while I follow Jasmine. If she finds a tank top before you do, I'll stop her before she can get to it."

"How exactly are you gonna stop her?" Jo asked, frowning.

Eva cracked her knuckles and gazed off into the distance. "By any means necessary."

"Ominous. I like it." Jo hesitated. "…Please don't murder Jasmine."

But Eva had already disappeared.

Confession Cam

Eva: I'm pretty confident I can easily follow Jasmine. I have LOTS of experience following people without them knowing. (She pauses.) It's not as creepy as it sounds! I've only done it like 500 times, max.

End of Confessionals

Meanwhile, Alejandro and Sugar were running down another path at the opposite end of the island.

"Where are we headed, Wizard?" Sugar asked. "Do ya think you could summon your dragon? We might be able to go faster that way!"

Alejandro came to a stop and turned to her.

"Actually, I need you to do something for me, muchacha," he said, clasping her shoulders. "It's involves important Wizard-related business."

Sugar gasped. "That's the best kind of business!"

"I know. Now, listen closely: I need you to go find someone for me."

"WHO? Is it the OTHER wizard?"

"Not exactly, but close," Alejandro said. "I need you to search far and wide within the forest for a being known as the black witch. The black witch is a mystical being, known for her incredible charm and immense beauty."

"Ooo… does she ride around on a broomstick?!"

"Uh… I don't think so. She walks around just like you and I, taking the form of a human. She has dark hair, piercing eyes, and a breathtaking smile. There's no way you can miss her."

"And what do you want me to do when I find her? Should I eat her?" Sugar's eyes lit up with excitement. "WILL THAT GIVE ME HER POWERS? I've heard that eating a witch gives y—"

"NO! Please do not eat her. When you find the black witch, I want you to bring her to me. Once we are united, our powers will be greatly increased." Alejandro smiled dreamily. "We are much stronger together than apart."

"Okay, I'm on it! I won't let ya down, Wizard!" Sugar declared, before racing away.

Alejandro watched her leave, and then smiled to himself. "Now to just find the welcoming gift for my beautiful witch."

With that, the Latino dramatically ripped off his shirt, admired his body for a moment, and then raced off into the forest.

"Life is a sick joke," Noah lamented as he walked. "That was my one chance. My one chance to sit out of a challenge. And I blew it."

"Aw, cheer up!" Harold exclaimed, walking beside him. "At least you have me."

"… As I said, life is a sick joke."

"I know what will cheer you up! You can help me with my courtship ritual! I think I've perfected my opening speech."

"Please don't tell me you still want to bang Jasmine."

"I do not want to 'bang' her," Harold scoffed. "'Banging' is not part of the equation." He gazed up at the sky longingly. "I want to develop a connection beyond that of the earthly plane. I want to be her dream come true, her knight in shining armor. I want to come to her side whenever she calls, a loyal servant of love. I want to show her what true romance is, the kind she thought only existed within the works of fiction. I want—"

"—to bang her."

"No! I do not! GOSH! Why do you keep saying that?!"

"You were drooling the entire time during that monologue."

Harold groaned. "Cut me some slack. You act like I'm no better than Cody!"

"Of course not," Noah said. "You're just an overconfident geek obsessing over a taken woman who has never shown any interest in him. Absolutely nothing like Cody."

"Thank you. Now, it's time for the Harold-meister to find his lady!"

Harold came to a stop, pointed his nose up to the sky, and sniffed the air. After a few deep inhales, Harold gasped.

"My bodacious babe! She's close by! The air is filled with her womanly scent!"

Noah turned to the camera. "Nothing like Cody at all, folks." He turned to Harold. "How exactly do you know what she smells like?"

Harold grinned, his eyes glazed over. "I would remember that wonderful smell anywhere. Like rich, heavenly chocolate."

"See, now I don't know if that's racist or not."

"What?! It's not racist! My dear Leshawna had a similar aroma!"

"Cool. Now I know it's racist."

"Oh c'mon, Noah. Would a racist person love Japan as much as I do?"

"Fetishizing other cultures with which you have no actual experience?" Noah shook his head. "Nope, not racist at all."

Harold suddenly gasped, and pointed toward a nearby cluster of trees.

"Jasmine's on the other side of those trees! I can sense it!"

Before Noah could stop him, Harold grabbed his hand and yanked him off the path. On the other side of the trees, Jasmine had come to a stop on the trail and was bent over, panting.

"Blimey… I'm so out of shape… " She groaned, shaking her head. "Why did I spend so much time in Shawn's stupid makeshift bunker?"

Harold and Noah were now huddled in a bush, watching her through the leaves.

"See?" Harold whispered to Noah. "We've spied on her for five seconds, and she's already talking sh** about her man. I've totally got this!"

"Your breath is terrible," Noah whispered back.

"Who's there?!" Jasmine called out, turning their way. "I hear you in the bushes!"

Eva, who was hiding one bush over from Noah and Harold, tensed up.

"Showtime," Harold whispered to Noah, grinning. He then dramatically rose out of the bushes, pulling Noah up with him, and called out to Jasmine.

"Greetings, m'lady! We hark from House Brains!"

"Oh, uh… hi," Jasmine said, waving to them.

Harold strode forward, grinning confidently.

"My name is Sir Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady V," he declared. "I am the leader of the Brains. Renowned around Wawanakwa for my cunning and my intellect. Widely known as the slayer of sci-fi trivia. The magician of Minecraft. The moderator of 13 subreddits, and well-respected user in many others. And a hopeless romantic."

"Uh… cool. I'm Jasmine."

"Jasmine! I love to say thy name. It melts in my mouth like warm, heavenly chocolate."

"And who's that?" Jasmine asked, pointing to a face-palming Noah.

Harold looked back at Noah. "Ah yes! My assistant Noah!"

"'Assistant'?"

"Indeed. Noah and I have known each other for many years. Upon meeting me, he was so impressed by my immense knowledge and marvelous wit that he decided to accompany me on my many fantastical journeys."

"Have you two been the one following me?" Jasmine asked, crossing her arms. "Because I feel like someone's been doing that the entire challenge. You guys wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"No! Of course not! We've only been following you for five minutes, tops." Harold cringed as Jasmine put her hands on her hips. "Uh, actually, I mean… we haven't really been following you. I just noticed your wonderful scent, and—"

"My scent?"

"No—erm, I mean… did I mention… I'm the moderator of 13 subreddits?"

"Have you been following me or not?" Jasmine demanded.

"N-no!" Harold stammered. "I mean it! Definitely not for the whole challenge. I spent most of that time practicing that awesome speech I did!"

Jasmine paused for a moment. Then she shrugged.

"Well, I actually do believe you. I don't think you've been the one following me." The Australian girl glanced around. "In fact, even right now, I still feel like I'm being watched by someone else." She shuddered. "And it feels like that someone is really, really angry – and they're just waiting for their moment to strike."

"Ah, yes. There's only one explanation for that, Jasmine," Harold said with a nod. "You're obviously being followed by a tengu. They're Japanese demons known to protect the forests and bring doom to any who cross their path."

Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "Really? But… we're not in Japan."

Harold winked. "Everywhere I go is Japan."

"…What?"

"Don't question it," Noah said to Jasmine.

Harold swung his arm in a karate chop. "Reveal yourself,evil spirits! Or I shall deliver justice upon you!"

"Whoever they are, I don't think they're coming out," Jasmine said. "If they even exist, that is. I might just be spooking myself." She glanced ahead. "Anyways, I better be off. Gotta try to win this challenge. It was nice to meet you guys."

Harold stepped in front of her. "Wait! We should come with you! Just in case the tengu makes a move, it might be good to have some back-up. I don't have my trusty katana on me, but I still have a black belt in martial arts."

"…You do?" Jasmine asked skeptically.

"Yep! See?"

Harold proudly lifted up his shirt, displaying his "black belt"- which was nothing more than a white belt with sharpie scribbled all over it. Jasmine glanced at the belt for a moment, before shrugging and starting to walk away.

"I'm cool with you guys tagging along," she said. "Some company actually wouldn't hurt."

Harold fist-pumped. "Sweet! He turned to Noah. "You heard the m'lady! Let's go!"

Noah slowly followed them, looking genuinely surprised.

Confession Cam

Noah: Okay, so how exactly did that interaction not end in Harold getting completely humiliated?

(Static)

Harold: Jasmine is so into me. First she willingly tells me her name, and then she has a conversation with me? What more proof do you need? I'm totally gonna make my move.

(Static)

Jasmine: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that awkward bloke was hitting on me. (She shakes her head.) But he seems harmless enough. It'll be fine as long as he doesn't actually try to make a move. (She cracks her knuckles.) That would not be smart on his part.

(Static)

Eva: As if I needed any more reason not to trust Jasmine, now she's in kahoots with Harold. A notorious member of the Killer Ass! That traitorous dweeb is probably giving her extra pointers on how to ruthlessly betray me. (She pauses, and chuckles.) 'Killer Ass'. Man, that is a clever nickname. They honestly could've put me on the Brains team for that.

End of Confessionals

Meanwhile,Tyler and Brick were at the other end of the island, searching high and low.

"Find anything yet, soldier?" Brick asked, glancing over at Tyler, who was poking at a bush.

"See, I'm still thinking that I already found it," Tyler said. He held up a moldy, ragged napkin. "Are we sure this isn't the tank top?"

"I wouldn't bet on it at this point," Brick sighed. "I thought it was possible, but I guess Chris would've made an announcement."

"Damn, that sucks," Tyler groaned. He then put the napkin on top of his head and grinned. "At least it makes a sweet hat!"

"Ughhh… I'm still so jealous of that," Brick said, admiring Tyler. "You look so good wearing it."

"I know." Tyler looked around, frowning. "Anyways, something's been bugging me. I feel like we've been approaching this whole challenge wrong, but I just can't figure out how."

"Hmm… maybe we should try looking somewhere else on the island? We've been in this same area for the past 30 minutes."

"No, that's not it. This is definitely where the tank top is." Tyler looked around on the ground for a moment. Then his eyes lit up. "THERE! THERE IT IS!"

"OMG, WHERE?" Brick squealed, looking where Tyler was pointing. The athlete had his finger aimed at an empty spot on the ground.

"It's right there!" Tyler exclaimed. "I've cracked the case!"

"But I don't see a tank top," Brick said, scratching his head.

Tyler's eyes twinkled. "Not at first glance, my friend. But just beneath the surface, we'll find our treasure."

Brick gasped. "Wait… you don't think… the tank top is underground?"

"It makes perfect sense, when you think about it. Chris told us that the tank top is somewhere on the island, right? But what if he really meant that it's somewhere inside the island?"

"Oh. My. God."

In a flash, the pair was excitedly digging into the ground with their bare hands, throwing up mounds of dirt and grass.

"Ha! I'll bet the other competitors are looking really stupid right now," Tyler said as he continued to dig.

Brick, meanwhile, continued to admire Tyler.

Confession Cam

Brick: I don't know how, but Tyler continues to blow me away. He's such a valuable and skilled asset. Without him, I never would've figured out the mystery of the challenge! (He grins at the camera.) See, Jo? We can still work together as a team!

End of Confessionals

It had now been an hour since the competition began, and the blistering sun was high in the sky. A still-shirtless Alejandro came to a stop in a clearing, covered in sweat. Wiping his forehead with his shirt, the Latino surveyed his surroundings. He gasped when his eyes came across a large bolder in the middle of the field. On top of the boulder was a black and red tank top- with the words "IMMUNE AS F**K" strewn across the center.

"Madre mia!" Alejandro exclaimed. "That was easier than expected." He took a step forward, but was cut off by a large growl. Alejandro took a step back. "What was that?! Who goes there?"

With a grunt, a large grizzly bear slowly rose from behind the rock, stretching its limbs and flashing rows of menacing teeth. The massive animal stood up on its hind legs and let out a roar that shook the treetops.

As Alejandro stared at the bear, a TV rose out of the ground and switched to Chris' amused face.

"I see you've found the first tank top! Well done, Al," the host laughed. "Your brains have proven effective- but let's see how your brawn stacks up."

"Against a bear?!"

"Nope! Against a cyborg bear with laser eyes!"

Grinning, Chris pressed a button on a remote control. The bear's eyes suddenly lit up red, and started firing rapidly at Alejandro. The Spaniard yelped in surprise and just managed to leap over the laser beams, with one hitting his trailing pant leg and burning it to a crisp.

"And a close call for Alejandro!" Chris announced. "He may claim to no longer be a liar, but his pants were almost on fire!"

Alejandro turned to Chris, panting. "…What?"

"Narration is hard sometimes, okay? Just go get the tank top already so I can stop!"

Alejandro turned back to the bear, thinking.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: I could've easily just dodged the lasers and grabbed the tank top right then and there. But I couldn't do that. That was not the goal. I would have to handle it another way.

End of Confessionals

Alejandro suddenly paused from dodging and looked directly at the robot bear, making intense eye contact. The bear stopped firing, and its eyes slowly glazed over. Alejandro smiled seductively, continuing to gaze deep into the bear's eyes.

He waited a moment, letting the tension build.

Then he flexed his pecs.

The bear instantly exploded, erupting into a fiery ball of metal and smoke.

"WHOA!" Chris cried, staring at the mechanical wreckage. "Alejandro just obliterated that bear without even touching it! How the hell did he do that?" He looked around in confusion. "Seriously, how did he do that?"

"I used my beauty rather than my brawn," Alejandro said with a shrug, walking over to the boulder. "I could tell that the bear was using heat-seeking technology to shoot at me. So I gave it more heat than it could handle."

"I… don't know if that makes sense," Chris said, scratching his head. "But I'll roll with it. Alejandro, congratulations on finding the first immunity tank top! Now you just have to grab it, and you are officially safe at tonight's vote. Nobody can take it from you after that."

"Understood," Alejandro said. He sat down on the boulder, right next to the tank top. However, he did not touch it.

Chris watched the Latino, even more confused now.

"Uh… Al? I don't think you heard me. Grab the tank top, and you're safe."

"I know," Alejandro said. He continued to sit there, doing nothing.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Chris asked in disbelief.

"I'm waiting," Alejandro said, wrapping his shirt around his head like a turban.

"For what?"

"For my witch."

"…Okay, you've officially lost it. You are making NO SENSE, man, and it's really freaking me out. See ya later." Chris turned off the TV, leaving Alejandro alone.

The Latino began to whistle to himself, looking around the clearing in anticipation.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: I personally have no need to win this challenge. I won't be going home tonight regardless of whether or not I have immunity. (He sighs.) But I fear that's not the case for my dearest Heather- her jealous teammates are certainly coming after her. As Heather's dream boyfriend, I must do everything in my power to protect her. And that means making sure she's wearing one of those immunity tank tops when this challenge is over. Now that I've found a tank top, all I'll have to do is guard it until Sugar brings Heather to me. It's a foolproof plan!

End of Confessionals

Alejandro sat on the rock for the next half hour, waiting. He was in the middle of some ab exercises when he finally heard another voice.

"Here she is, Wizard!" Sugar called out, walking into the clearing. "THE BLACK WITCH!"

Alejandro perked up with excitement, turning in the direction of her voice. His face fell immediately when he saw the person Sugar had brought with her.

"Put me DOWN!" Courtney shouted, pounding on Sugar's back. The Southern belle had the C.I.T. strewn over her shoulders, gripping her at the ankles.

Sugar tossed Courtney onto the ground and put her hands on her hips.

"If you'd have just agreed to come with me without all the fussle, this ain't have been an issue, missy," she snapped. "I kept TELLING you, the Wizard wanted to see you! And you gotta listen to the Wizard!"

"I don't know who the f**k the 'wizard' is!" Courtney snapped back.

"Oh really? You're saying you don't know THE Wizard?" Sugar asked skeptically, pointing to Alejandro.

Courtney whipped around. Her face broke into a scowl when she saw the Latino sitting on the rock.

"You," she hissed. "I should've known it was you. What is WRONG with you? Why did you have her bring me here? And why are you wearing your shirt around your head like that? You look like a douche."

Alejandro sighed. "I'm sorry, Courtney. There's been a mistake." He turned to Sugar. "She is not the black witch. Did I not make the description clear enough?"

"She is the black witch! She fits the description perfectly!" Sugar argued.

"Who is the black witch?" Courtney asked, getting up from the ground. "And why is she calling you the wizard? Are you two in some freaky sex cult or something?"

"It's a long explanation," Alejandro said. "You are free to leave, Courtney. This does not involve you."

But Courtney now had her eyes on the immunity tank top sitting behind Alejandro.

"I see you're safe tonight," she muttered. "Great."

Alejandro glanced back at the tanktop and laughed.

"No, that is not for me," he said. "It actually belongs to my girlfriend."

"What do you mean?" Courtney asked, her eyes narrowing.

"This tanktop is Heather's. I'm saving it for her. Hopefully she'll be here soon. As I said, you may go now."

"Okay, hold the goddamn phone. You can't do that! That's cheating!"

"Actually, Courtney, it's perfectly legal."

Courtney paused for moment.

"… I see. Well this might not be."

In a flash, the brunette charged at Alejandro. She slammed into the Spaniard and knocked him to the ground, before diving toward the boulder. Alejandro stuck out his foot and tripped her right before she could grab the tank top, sending her to the ground as well. He turned frantically to Sugar, who was watching with glee.

"Help me!" he shouted, holding onto Courtney's ankle as the C.I.T. desperately clawed for the tank top. "Quick!"

"Should I cast a spell?" Sugar asked, picking up a stick.

"What? No! Just grab her! RAPIDAMENTE!"

Before Courtney knew what was happening, Sugar came up behind her and wrapped her arms around the brunette, putting her in a headlock.

"Let GO of me!" Courtney demanded, flailing wildly.

Alejandro, meanwhile, got up from the ground and brushed himself off.

"That was a close one," he chuckled. He removed his shirt from his head and tossed it to Sugar, who caught it in her mouth while still using her arms to hold Courtney in place. "Please tie her to the nearest tree."

Sugar nodded enthusiastically and did as she was told, despite Courtney's curses and shouts. Once the deed was done, the C.I.T. sat against a tree trunk, with Alejandro's shirt wrapping tightly around her body. Alejandro walked over and knelt down next to her, looking apologetic.

"I'm sorry it had to come to this, Courtney. You could've just walked away. But you instead tried to be a thief."

"I'm not a thief!" Courtney shot back. "It doesn't belong to Heather, you lunatic! It's whoever finds it first!"

Alejandro shrugged. "Well then, by your logic, it belongs to me. And I am choosing to give it to Heather."

"You just wait until I'm free…" Courtney muttered, struggling against her restraints. "There's no way a shirt can hold me back for long."

"Yeah… I wouldn't bet on your escape happening anytime soon. My shirt is made from an advanced, genetically designed fabric that is carefully crafted so that only I can rip it. To everyone else, it is as strong as steel. It took many lab trials to perfect this feature."

"Okay, but why would you spend so much time genetically modifying your f**king shirt? Do you have any life?"

"We're done with the conversation." Alejandro walked back over to Sugar, who saluted him proudly. "Well done, my faithful mage. While at first I was disappointed that you brought me the wrong witch, this is still quite helpful." He beckoned to Courtney. "You see, this witch is what we call a 'bad witch'. Or its abbreviation- a 'bitch'."

Sugar gasped. "No."

"I'm afraid so. And this witch is known throughout the land as a sworn enemy of my black witch. Now that we have her tied up, she can no longer do any harm."

"Should we set on her on fire?"

"Why would you—no!" Alejandro stuttered. "Dios mio, you have some dark thoughts. What you need to do is go back out into the forest and find me the true black witch. She goes by the name of Heather. Bring Heather here, and then we can vanquish the bad witch once and for all."

"Ugh… but I'm tired," Sugar groaned. "Do we even need the black witch? Why's she so special?"

Alejandro gazed off into the distance. "Because, quite simply, she is the love of my life. And this is but one small way for me to show that I am committed to making our relationship work, even when faced with the immense pressures of this game."

"Huh?"

"Er… I mean…. It's the only way my wizard powers can reach their full potential."

"Ooo! Does that mean she can help you summon your dragon?!" Sugar asked excitedly.

"The black witch can certainly summon my dragon," Alejandro answered with a wink.

"Gross," Courtney said.

"Alrighty! Well, you can count on Sugar!" Sugar turned around and started galloping into the forest. "I'll bring her back, dead or alive!"

"ALIVE, SUGAR!" Alejandro screamed after. "ALIVE!"

Confession Cam

Alejandro: Aside from that one minor hiccup, I've executed my plan to perfection thus far. And now that Courtney is dealt with, nothing else can go wrong. (He pauses.) Well, aside from the possibility of other competitors showing up. (He laughs.) But what are the odds of that happening?

(Static)

Courtney: How am I supposed to win this challenge when Alejandro and Heather are teaming up with each other?! That's so ridiculously unfair! Why would Chris allow this? Where are the rules? Where is the structure? (Chris sticks his head through the window.)

Chris: We get it, Courtney. You're still single. (Courtney slams the window in his face.)

End of Confessionals

Another hour had passed without anyone finding another immunity tank top. Jasmine, Harold, and Noah all walked through the forest, talking amongst themselves. However, it wasn't Jasmine and Harold who were hitting it off.

"That's so cool that you've been to Australia, Noah!" Jasmine exclaimed. "When did you go?"

"Let's see… I first went to Melbourne for the junior Model U.N. championship," Noah said. "Then, more recently, I got to see the Outback as part of another reality show called the ************************."

"Whoa! Why'd they just censor you?"

"Oh yeah. I'm not allowed to say the name of the show because it makes Chris sad. Part of my stupid contract."

"Ugh, tell me about it. My contract has a clause where I'm supposed to say an Australian word every five sentences to remind the viewers I'm Australian. Chris can be a real tosser sometimes. Crikey!"

"Do you think you're gonna go back to Australia eventually?"

"Well, Shawn and I were actually planning to move in togeth—"

Harold quickly cut in.

"ANYWAYS… where are you from, Jasmine?"

Jasmine glanced at the nerd in confusion.

"…Um… I'm from Australia." She forced an awkward smile. "Where are you from, Harold?"

"I'm from Japan," Harold said proudly.

"He's not from Japan," Noah said to Jasmine.

"Yes I am! I can prove it! I even have a tattoo of Japan on my butt!" Harold winked at Jasmine. "Do you wanna see?"

"I'm good, thanks," Jasmine said.

"Are you sure? It's wicked cool! I placed it in the perfect spot so that my butt acne forms all the major mountain ranges!"

Jasmine and Noah both stared at Harold.

"…I think I'm gonna check out what's ahead," Jasmine said, picking up the pace.

Harold watched her go, before turning and glaring at Noah. "Why didn't you build off of that? You're supposed to be wing-manning me!"

"How do I build off of you talking about your butt acne?"

"Yeah, I might've gone a bit too far there," Harold said, cringing. "That's more second date material. But I thought the butt tattoo would at least win her over! Geoff has one and he told me it never fails to impress the ladies."

"Maybe you shouldn't have taken advice from a dude who was never not high during the show," said Noah.

Harold crossed his arms. "So what's your advice, then? Looks like you and Jasmine are already best friends."

"I've literally just been talking to her like a human being."

"So have I!"

"You first have to actually be a human being to talk like one, buddy."

"Hey, guys! Look!" came Jasmine's voice from up ahead.

The wilderness expert stood at the edge of a large pond, staring out at the water. Harold ran up next to her, and gasped at what he saw. Floating in the center of the pond was a buoy with a long metal pole sticking out of it. Wrapped around that pole was none other than an immunity tank top.

"…There she is," Jasmine said, grinning. "Safety's just a few metres away." She turned to the camera. "For the record, I said 'metres' rather than 'meters' because I'm Australian."

Harold gazed out at the water, thinking.

"This will be quite the challenge," he said, his eyes narrowed. "Fortunately, my intellect is designed for these exact types of situations." He tapped his chin. "If I can build some sort of retrieval contraption, then we can successfully reach the immunity tank top! Perhaps if I string together enough sticks, I can build a long-enough pole that will—"

"Can't we just swim there?"

"Oh. Yeah. That's another option."

Jasmine turned back around to face Noah and Harold. "Since you guys helped me find it, we can race for it. First person to reach the buoy gets the immunity tank top. Deal?"

Harold held up a hand. "There's no need for that. You can have it, m'lady. Besides, I can't ever go in water anyway."

"Oh. Why's that? Can't swim?"

"Actually it's because I pissed off Suijin, the Japanese god of water. He's definitely out to get me now." Harold took a step back from the pond. "So no more water for me. I can't even drink water ever again or I'll die."

"Hm. You may want to rethink that." Jasmine turned to Noah, who was standing twenty yards away from the pond, reading his book. "What about you? Do you wanna race me?"

Noah stared at her for a moment. Then he burst into laughter, clutching his stomach and rolling around on the ground. After ten seconds, he finally managed to shake his head, wiping a tear from his eye.

"I'm good," he said, still chuckling.

Jasmine shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll take it then." She gazed back out at the water. "To be fair, I don't really need immunity tonight, because I don't think anyone's gunning for me. I've been getting along really well with all my teammates. But it never hurts to have, I guess."

The Australian girl walked to over to the very edge of the pond and prepared to dive in. Suddenly, Eva dropped down from a tree and landed right next to Noah, making the bookworm let out a high-pitched scream.

"Not so fast, bitch," the bodybuilder hissed, her eyes trained directly on Jasmine. Then she sprinted past Noah, heading straight for the pond.

Noah watched for a moment, before slowly turning around.

"…This seems like a perfect time to make my exit," he said, walking away.

Meanwhile, Harold heard the sound of heavy footsteps quickly approaching. He whipped around and screamed as he saw Eva barreling straight towards them, foaming at the mouth.

"A TENGU SPIRIT!" Harold cried. "Wait…" He wiped off his glasses and put them back on. Harold squealed as Eva came into focus. "OH GOD IT'S WAY WAY WORSE! IT'S EVA!" He took a defensive stance, preparing to fight. "Ok, I have to be brave. I'll fend her off! Using my fists of f-"

Harold was cut off as Eva casually swept him aside, sending him hurtling through the air like a missile. The nerd slammed into a tree thirty yards away, hitting it with such force that it snapped in half.

Before Jasmine could react, Eva tackled her into the pond with a huge splash. The two wrestled around in the shallow water, until Eva grabbed Jasmine by her arms. She then climbed on top of the Australian girl and pinned her down in the mud, sitting on her back. Jasmine struggled under Eva's weight, but couldn't get the bodybuilder off of her. She slowly lifted her head and looked up at Eva.

"What the hell are you doing?!" she asked, spitting out water. "Are you crazy?!"

"I'm not crazy," Eva snarled, her eyes bloodshot and spittle spraying wildly from her mouth. Her face stretched into a crooked, unnatural smile. "I'm perfectly sane."

Jasmine tried desperately to get up, but could barely move. She put her face back down in the mud, groaning.

Confession Cam

Jasmine: I couldn't believe Eva was able to pin me like that. Why does it feel like she weighs 400 pounds?

(Static)

Eva (smirking): 407.5 pounds, to be exact. That's because I'm actually mostly made out of metal. (She points to various scars around her body.) I've had like 100 different bones get shattered from fighting, and I've replaced every single one with pure titanium. (She chuckles.) It makes arm wrestling really fun.

End of Confessionals

"…We're almost there… I just know it!"

Tyler and Brick were still digging, kneeling at the bottom of a hole. The camera slowly panned up to show that they had dug twenty feet into the earth's surface. Brick glanced up at the top of the hole, which looked like a distant speck above them. He turned back to Tyler.

"Hey… do you know how we're gonna get out of here?"

"We can just jump right out!" Tyler laughed as he continued to dig, still wearing the napkin on his head. Suddenly, there was a loud clang. "OW!"

The athlete yelped and retracted his hand, which had slammed into some sort of metal object. He then turned to Brick, grinning.

"Guess what?" he announced. "I found the treasure!"

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!" Brick squealed, clapping with excitement.

The two hurriedly cleared away the dirt to see what they had found. Underneath their feet was a metal trap door, with a circular handle on it.

"It must be in there!" Tyler exclaimed, reaching down and wrapping his fingers around the handle.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to twist it. No luck. Tyler dug both his feet into the dirt, putting his entire body weight into it. Still, the handle would not move. Scowling, Tyler rolled up his sleeves. He took a deep breath. Then, mustering all the strength he had, he gave it one last go. Tyler pulled and pulled, desperately trying to turn the handle.

"AUGGGHHHHHHHH!" he roared, his face turning a dark purple. The jock finally collapsed on the ground next to the door, groaning. "It's… no use, man… it won't open."

"Aw, shucks! That's a real shame," Brick said, kicking his foot out in frustration. His foot brushed against the door handle, causing it to immediately twist open. The door then swung upward.

Tyler stared at the now-open trap door, before shrugging.

"…Guess it had a delayed reaction to my strength," he said.

Brick and Tyler slowly leaned over and looked down. All they could see was darkness.

"What… what do you think is in there?" Brick asked nervously.

"Only one way to find out, baby!" Tyler declared, diving headfirst into the darkness.

"TYLER!" Brick squealed.

There was a loud thud from down below. Then… silence.

"…Tyler…?" Brick called out, his voice echoing into the hole.

But there was no response from Tyler. Brick took a deep breath, peering into the darkness.

"Okay, Brick, you can do this… the dark is more scared of you then you are of it… There's nothing to fear. Tyler just jumped down there and he's fine! I mean, he's now completely unresponsive, but… I'm sure there's a reason for that."

After another deep breath, Brick grabbed onto the edges of the hole and lowered his body into it. Then he let go, and screamed as he plummeted through the darkness. After a five-second free-fall, he suddenly landed on his feet with a thud. Brick slowly felt his body, and heaved a sigh of relief.

"Phew… I'm ok." The cadet looked at his surroundings, and his eyes widened. "Whoa… what is this place?"

Brick was standing in a long, dimly lit hallway, the lights flickering. To either side of him were rows of metal doors with tinted windows. On each door, the words read, "Total Drama Official Personnel Only".

"Uh oh…" Brick glanced at one of the doors. "We are definitely not supposed to be here. Unless maybe we're official personnel because we're contestants? What do you think, Tyler?...Tyler?... TYLER!"

Brick screamed as he suddenly noticed Tyler lying facedown on the floor. He ran over to the jock and turned him over. Tyler had a large purple welt poking out from under his headband. The athlete slowly opened his eyes.

"Probably… shouldn't have jumped in headfirst…" he groaned.

"Are you okay?" Brick frantically asked, cradling Tyler like a baby. "My god, you probably have a serious concussion!"

"Nah, I'm fine," Tyler assured him, wobbling as he tried to stand up. "I'm an athlete. Everybody knows athletes don't get concussions. As long as I have my…" He slowly felt the top of his head. "AHHHHH! WHERE'S MY SUPER COOL HAT?!" Tyler frantically looked around. "IT'S GONE!"

"Oh no!" Brick cried out. "We have to find it!"

The two started scanning the floor for the napkin, panicking. Tyler was feeling along the corners of the wall when he suddenly heard footsteps from down the hall. The athlete looked up, and did a double take at what he saw. Standing at the end of the hallway was a shadowy figure, watching the both of them.

Tyler stood up and scowled.

"Hey, you!" he shouted at the shadowy figure. "Yeah you, bub! Don't just stand there! Help us find my hat!"

"Maybe we should be more polite, Tyler," Brick said, having noticed the figure as well. He stood up and called down the hall. "Hi! Hope you're doing well. My friend Tyler here lost his hat, and it really means a lot to him. And Tyler means a lot to me, so you'd really be doing a selfless act for the both of us if you helped us out."

The shadowy figure began to walk towards them, as the lights flickered rapidly. Brick turned to Tyler, grinning.

"Looks like he's gonna help us!" The military buff paused, thinking. "Or she. Or perhaps somewhere in between?" He called out to the figure. "Hey! How do you identify? I don't want to misgender you!"

The figure didn't respond. Instead, they suddenly started running towards the pair, their shoes clattering against the tile floor.

"Wow. Looks like they really want to help us," Brick said to Tyler. He glanced back at the mystery person, who continued to run towards them at increasing speed. "…You know, if I didn't know any better, I would find this situation incredibly frightening." He laughed. "Good thing I know we can trust this person."

Suddenly, the person pulled up in front of them out of nowhere, the lights illuminating their face. Tyler and Brick let out bloodcurdling screams at the sight.

Standing inches in front of them was Scarlett – but the genius girl wasn't wearing her glasses. Her beady eyes pierced them like icicles.

"You didn't see me," she hissed.

Before Tyler or Brick could respond, she had disappeared around the corner behind them. The two watched her leave, and then glanced back at each other.

"…Ok, maybe I'm being too harsh," Brick said. "But I did not like that."

"No, that was definitely not a vibe," Tyler said, cringing. He glanced around. "Can we, like… get out of here? I'm not, like… scared or anything, but… this place is just lame."

"Affirmative."

The two tentatively crept down the hall, holding each other's hand for comfort. As they moved forward, they began to hear distant music drifting toward them. Following the music, they came to a door. Pressing his ear against it, Brick could hear what sounded like a party on the other side.

"This sounds promising," he said.

Brick opened the door, and two stepped inside to find themselves in the Total Drama Detention classroom, where the festivities were still going among the sit-outs.

"And it WAS promising!" Brick exclaimed, grinning at Tyler.

A very drunk Duncan noticed the two from his teacher's desk and cheered.

"There we GO!" he shouted, slurring his words. "My BOYS! Team Brawn REPRESENT!" He scratched his head, looking at them. "Wait… how did you guys get here?"

Brick blushed. "Oh, y'know… we were just in the area."

Duncan nodded. "Makes sense. You want a beer?"

"Hell yeah!" Tyler cheered as Brick nodded enthusiastically.

Duncan reached into the desk, pulled out a couple of beers, and tossed them at the pair. As Tyler's can slammed into his forehead and knocked him unconscious, Brick caught his and looked down at it like was a gift from God.

Confession Cam

Brick: Duncan. Just. Threw. Me. A. Beer. (He sighs happily.) Now they can vote me off first, for all I care. I'm already the winner of this season.

End of Confessionals

Meanwhile, Dawn sat at the back of the classroom, comforting Chef. She suddenly heard voices calling her name. The pale girl turned to see Justin, Topher, and Anne Maria waving to her from their desks.

"Hey! Dawn!" Justin called out to her. "Why are you hanging out with that loser? Come join us!"

Dawn smiled and nodded. "Ok! Can Chef come with me?"

"Um… no. He can't. I literally just called him a loser."

"Oh." Dawn glanced at Chef, frowning. "I think I'll stay here for now."

"You're really going to hang out with him instead of your own teammates?" Anne Maria asked in disbelief. "Where's the team loyalty?"

Dawn sighed. She placed a comforting hand on Chef's shoulder.

"I'll be back in a bit," she said sweetly to him. "Just keep practicing those breathing exercises I talked about."

Dawn glided over to her teammates and sat down at an empty desk.

"Welcome to the cool kids table," Justin greeted her. He glanced around at the desks. "Well, the metaphorical cool kids table."

"Y'know, we totally thought you weren't cool before," Anne Maria said, spraying hairspray as she talked. "Like yesterday, when you were sayin' we should build a shelter and all that. We thought you were a real try-hard."

"We also thought you were really creepy," Justin said. "Like, we really didn't enjoy talking to you. But now? Now we think you're cool."

"We never thought you would wanna sit out of the challenge," Anne Maria said as she sipped a beer. "Only a cool person would do that. In fact, it honestly kinda makes you cooler than Topher."

Topher crossed his arms. "Yeah, sorry for being true to myself and expressing my passion for this excellent show. That just makes me soooo uncool, huh?"

"We're not getting into this argument again, dude," Justin said. "But yes, it makes you super lame."

"Wow… thanks, you guys!" Dawn exclaimed. "I am so glad you all have opened up to me like this and let me into your world!"

"Hold on. You're not 'in our world' yet," Anne Maria said, narrowing her eyes. "You haven't truly proven yourself."

Justin leaned back in his chair. "This may come as a surprise to you, but Anne Maria, Topher, and I are in a super-secret alliance. Only the three of us know about it."

"Oh yes, your alliance!" Dawn nodded, smiling. "I remember when you guys formed it earlier today. I found it so cute how the three of you naturally gravitated toward one another and were able to create such a strong bond from the start."

"How did you know about that?!" Anne Maria demanded, leaning over her desk. "Were you watching us?!"

"She's just doing that thing where she acts really creepy," Justin sighed. "Which is why she's not in the alliance yet. That being said, she at least deserves to know what's going on strategically." He turned to Dawn. "Especially given that someone threw out your name today."

Dawn frowned. "'Threw out my name'? What does that mean?"

"It means someone wants you gone first, dummy!" Anne Maria snapped. "They came up with a whole plan for it and everything."

"Now, this person may come as a shock to you…" Justin began. He gazed into Dawn's eyes. "You may have even thought you could trust them – but that was far from the case."

"And that person… was Alejandro!" Anne Maria cried out dramatically.

Dawn gasped. "Alejandro?"

Justin whipped around to face Anne Maria, scowling. "What the f**k? What are you doing?"

"I was just sayin' who it was! Shouldn't she know?"

"That wasn't your job! We all agreed that I was going to do the big dramatic reveal because I'm the alliance leader! I had a whole thing planned, and then you just went and said it out of nowhere! Unbelievable."

Dawn looked down at her desk sadly.

"It does hurt to hear Alejandro said that about me. I felt like he and I were truly getting along. But I do understand why he wishes to be rid of me. I may have made him uncomfortable yesterday."

Justin shook his head. "That's no excuse on Alejandro's part. You make us uncomfortable too, but we're not trying to vote you out."

"You aren't?" Dawn asked hopefully.

"You are totally in the clear tonight, Dawn," Topher assured her. "We were originally going to target Sugar, as you know. But after Alejandro pulled that stunt, Justin decided the alliance should go after Alejandro instead."

Justin threw up his hands in exasperation. "Great. Just steal all my lines, why don't you?" He glared at Topher. "What made you think you could be the one to reveal my master plan?"

"I just wanted to say something for a change! Also, I tend to be really good at recapping things."

"Oh, really? Well, pretty soon you'll be 'recapping' how you got yourself kicked out of the alliance!"

Dawn quickly intervened.

"Please, stop! I hate to see friends fighting like this."

Justin turned back to her. "Anyways, Alejandro is a dead man walking tonight. And no, not just because his skincare routine honestly makes him look like a corpse at times." He shrugged. "It's really all his fault, too. He could've kept things simple and just agreed to vote for Sugar. But he over-strategized. And now it's gonna cost him."

Dawn suddenly took Justin's hand.

"I know you think voting for Alejandro will help you work through your unresolved feelings towards him," she said. "But I think an honest and open conversation with Alejandro would be a much more effective form of therapy."

"Unresolved feelings?" Justin quickly retracted his hand from Dawn's. "I don't have any unresolved feelings towards that nobody! Even if he did ruin my life! Which he didn't. Because he's a nobody."

"Perhaps the first step is to have an honest conversation with yourself, Justin."

"Perhaps you can have a conversation with yourself. Because I'm leaving." Justin stood up from his desk and moved to the other side of the room, with Anne Maria and Topher following after him.

Dawn continued to sit at her desk, thinking deeply.

Confession Cam

Dawn: Can I bring myself to vote for Alejandro? Can I bring myself to vote for anyone? I don't want to be responsible for someone's psychological trauma! (She groans.) Why can't we vote for someone to stay, instead of someone to leave? That would be much more positive all around.

(Static)

Justin: Fine. I'll admit it. I have a grudge against Alejandro. (He crosses his arms.) Why was that 7 out of 10 even brought on to this show in the first place? I did everything he did and I did it ten times better, while looking ten times better! People loved me! They were clamoring for more Justin! And yet he's the one who gets the call to join the Villains team? Do people not remember all of my cutthroat moves from season two? I had so many amazingly villainous moments. For example, how could anyone forget that time I had an ominous confessional about joining an alliance with Beth? (He shrugs.) Sure, the plotline was never revisited the rest of the season, but the delivery of that confessional alone makes me a more iconic character than pineapple kisser over there. (He grows serious and looks directly at the camera.) It's high time Alejandro got exposed for the copycat fraud that he is. I'm going to remind everyone exactly why they should fear my name. And this ominous confessional will actually have a payoff.

End of Confessionals

Forest

Courtney remained tied to the tree, while Alejandro sat on the boulder, watching her closely.

"I have a question," Courtney said.

"If it's as insulting as all of your previous questions, I think I'll pass."

"No, this is a genuine question. Do you actually think this plan will work?"

Alejandro laughed. "What kind of question is that? You are speaking to Alejandro Burromuerto. Of course my plan will work. Heather should be here any minute, and then the immunity tank top shall be hers." He sighed dreamily. "She's going to look divine wearing it."

"That's not what I'm asking. I meant, do you actually think this plan will make Heather less likely to break up with you?"

"Ah, so it is an insulting question," Alejandro said, rolling his eyes. "I don't know what you're even talking about. Heather would never even consider doing such a thing."

"She will if you keep getting in her business like this all the time," Courtney said. "Trust me- I've been that controlling partner before. It does not work out. You really need to give her some space."

"I know you're jealous of what Heather and I have, Courtney," Alejandro sighed. "But please try to be more mature. Maybe if you took note of how we treat each other as a couple, you'd be able to keep a man for longer than a week."

"Wow. Soooooo mature, Al. All I'm saying is that Heather does not need your help all the time. Let her compete for herself."

"I'm just showing her how much I care about her! Why wouldn't Heather appreciate me trying to help her in the challenges? That's never gone badly for any couple on this show."

"Yeah, never," Courtney said sarcastically. "Gwen loved it when Trent did that."

"Those two did not have the bond that Heather and I share," Alejandro said scowling. "And quite frankly, I've had just about enough of this." His voice grew colder as he looked directly at Courtney. "I want you to listen very closely. I don't care what you think- and I never will. This is a matter of keeping my girlfriend safe. Maybe if you weren't coming after her, I wouldn't have to do this. But let's just be quite clear: it's either her or you tonight. And it will not be her, so it will have to be you. This is what must be done. So my advice is to accept your fate and leave with some dignity."

Courtney paused for a moment.

"… I have another question," she said. She looked back at Alejandro. "Have you ever thought about the possibility of your plan actually hurting Heather's chances at immunity?"

Alejandro let out a hearty laugh. "Don't be ridiculous. There's no way that's possible."

"Almost… there…" Heather grunted.

The raven-haired girl was in the midst of climbing a tree, currently hanging from a branch. She glanced down at the ground, which was 30 yards below. Then she glanced back up. Hanging from a branch just a few yards above her was an immunity tank top, billowing in the breeze.

Gritting her teeth, Heather swung herself up and over her branch, so that she was now sitting on top of it. She tried to reach for the tank top – but it was still a few feet out of reach. She took a deep breath.

"You can do this." Heather prepared to climb to the next branch. "You're so close. Nothing can stop you now."

Suddenly, there was shout from down below.

"AHA! FOUND YA!"

Heather looked down to see who it was, and immediately groaned. Standing at the bottom of the tree was Sugar, peering up at her excitedly and waving.

"Get lost, hillbilly!" Heather shouted down at her. "I've already got dibs on this tank top! You hear me?! Don't you try to climb up after me!"

"Yeah, no sh** I ain't doing that!" Sugar shouted back. "I ain't got time to climb up and get you! You gotta climb down here! ASAP!"

"Can't you see I'm kind of in the MIDDLE of something?"

"No you ain't! Whatever you're doing can wait! The Wizard needs you NOW!"

"The what?!"

"Don't act like you don't know him! He needs you to help him summon his dragon!"

"I really need to stop talking to these freaks," Heather muttered to herself, turning her attention back to the tank top hanging above.

"HEY! DON'T YOU IGNORE ME!" Sugar yelled. "You think you're better than me just cuz you're a witch?!"

"No, I know I'm better than you because you're white trash!"

"WHITE TRASH?! I didn't win 'Miss Carl's Jr.-Alabama' seven years running to be spoken to this way!" Sugar rolled up her sleeves. "That's it! I'm gonna get your skinny ass down from that tree myself!"

Sugar walked over to the base of the tree, so that she was directly below Heather. She gazed up at the queen bee, grinning from ear to ear. Then she wrapped her arms around the trunk and began to shake it, causing the whole tree to wobble back and forth. Heather cried out as she was thrown off of her branch, just managing to grab onto it with one hand. She desperately clung to the tree limb, bouncing up and down with every shake.

"STOP! I'M GONNA FALL!"

"Oh, you'll be fine!" Sugar laughed, continuing to shake the tree. "You can fly, after all!"

"NO I CAN'T!"

"…Oh, right. You don't have your broomstick." Sugar shrugged. "Well, I'm sure you can cast some sort of spell to keep you from dying! Be creative!"

"F**K YOU! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"…Yep, Heather will be here any minute," Alejandro said, leaning back on his rock.

Suddenly, there was rustling in the bushes at the edge of the clearing. Alejandro jumped up from his boulder with excitement.

"Heather!" he cried out. "Mi amor! You are finally…" He trailed off as the person climbed out of the bushes. "…not Heather."

Jo stood in front of him, surveying her surroundings. Her eyes scanned over to Alejandro and the immunity tank top, before noticing Courtney tied to the tree. She chuckled.

"Well, well, well. Looks like I'm late to the party."

"There's no party to be had here," Alejandro said, tensing up. "This immunity tank top belongs to me, Jo. I have already claimed it, so it is no use for you to try to take it from me. Understand?"

"You do realize I can just tell Jo you're full of sh**, right?" Courtney called out. She turned to Jo. "He hasn't touched the tank top yet. You can still try to take it from him. He's trying to save it for Heather."

Jo raised an eyebrow. "Oh, it's for Heather?" She turned back toward the immunity tank top. "Well, then I'm definitely taking it."

She began to walk forward. Alejandro quickly stepped in front of the rock, looking slightly panicked.

"Let's not be irrational, Jo," he said, his forehead beginning to sweat. "I will stop you, just like I stopped Courtney. Please do not make me have to do that."

Jo didn't respond as she continued to walk forward – but to Alejandro's surprise, she wasn't walking towards him. He watched in confusion as Jo finally reached her destination: the tree where Courtney was tied up. The female athlete knelt down next to the C.I.T., and began to loosen her restraints.

Alejandro's eyes widened. "Wait… what are you doing?!"

"Yeah – what are you doing?" Courtney asked, looking back at Jo with confusion.

"You're right, Al – you'll probably be able to stop me if I go at you alone," Jo said, continuing to untie the knots. "But I have a feeling you can't stop the both of us."

Alejandro quickly realized what this meant.

"W-wait! Th-that's an awful plan!" he stammered. "Don't do that!"

"Yeah, because I really value your input on this," Jo said.

Alejandro was in a full-on panic now. "There's no way you guys can work together! You can't trust Courtney! She'll just screw you over and take the tank top for herself!"

Jo shrugged. "As long as it also screws over Heather, that's a win in my book." She stood up, wiping her hands off. "That should do it."

Alejandro watched in shock as Courtney stood up and stretched. The brunette hurled Alejandro's shirt to the ground in disgust, before turning to Jo.

"Thanks," she said, rubbing the back of her neck. "I owe you one."

"No worries," Jo said. "Just help me kick Al's ass, and we're good."

The two turned to Alejandro, who forced a smile.

"Women supporting women. I love to see it," he said. "This is a big step forward for feminism."

"You can't talk your way out of this one, buddy," Jo said, cracking her knuckles. "Move out of the way, and nobody gets hurt." She paused. "Well, actually you'll probably still get hurt. I've actually quite come around to the idea of beating you up."

Alejandro crossed his arms. "On the other hand, the feminist movement should really be more welcoming to its male allies."

"You're done, Al," Courtney growled. "And you are not an ally."

Jo and Courtney began to slowly inch towards him, preparing to strike. Alejandro frantically glanced around the clearing.

"Heather, mi amor!" he called out. "Please tell me you're nearby!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Heather screamed, now clinging to the tree limb by just her fingertips.

"Dang it, how is this witch so hard to get off this damn tree?!" Sugar groaned as she continued to shake the trunk. "I've been shakin' this here tree for five minutes now, and that skinny girl is still holdin' on! Maybe she'll never let g… no, wait, here she comes."

A screaming Heather came hurtling down toward Sugar, who just managed to step out of the way to avoid getting hit. Heather crashed-landed on the ground in a crumpled heap, groaning.

"Why didn't you cast a spell?" Sugar asked, staring down at the queen bee. "That fall did not look fun." She glanced back up, and frowned. "Huh? What's that?"

Floating down towards Sugar was the immunity tank top, which had come dislodged from the tree at the same time as Heather. It slowly landed on the pageant queen's head. Sugar peeled the tank top off her hair and held it out in front of her, examining it. The pageant girl thought for a moment, shrugged, and then stuffed the tank top in her mouth. She swallowed and burped. "Not bad."

A TV popped out of the tree, displaying Chris' beaming face.

"Wow! Out of nowhere, Sugar takes the first immunity tank top! What a turn of events!"

"…Huh?" Heather moaned, lifting her head from the ground. "Ow…" She slowly sat up, brushing dirt off of her body. Then, with a groan, she pushed herself up until she was standing again. Heather stood there for a moment, recollecting her thoughts.

Then she realized what Chris had said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Meanwhile, Courtney and Jo continued to move closer and closer to Alejandro, approaching from opposite sides. The Latino glanced back and forth between them, sweating bullets.

"Okay, let's get this over with," Jo said, preparing to make a run at it.

However, Chris' voice suddenly crackled over the island's intercom system, making everyone stop in place.

"Attention, campers! This is Chris with a BIG announcement! Sugar has found the first tank top! I repeat: Sugar has found the first tank top! That means that Alejandro somehow has lost this challenge. I'm sorry, Al, but you no longer have a shot at immunity. As for the rest of you… the challenge is still on."

The intercom shut off. Alejandro was boiling over in rage.

"That useless swine! That backstabbing ball of lard! She betrayed me! She was off looking for immunity this whole time instead of looking for my woman!"

"Yeah, how dare she," Jo said, rolling her eyes. "Now, as I said, let's get this over with."

Jo and Courtney both suddenly charged toward Alejandro, approaching at a breakneck speed. The Latino screamed, looking around frantically. His eyes suddenly came across the immunity tank top, and an idea popped into head. Turning around, Alejandro grabbed the tank top and began sprinting away with it clutched in his fist.

"Hey! What the f**k?!" Courtney shouted as she and Jo ran after him. "You can't take it like that!"

"Yes I can! Sugar won immunity, so I can no longer win! I can touch the tank top all I want now!" Alejandro laughed triumphantly. "If Heather won't come to me, I can just bring it to her!"

"That's so BS! CHRIS! ALEJANDRO IS BREAKING THE RULES! AGAIN!"

Chris' voice came over the intercom again.

"Hmm… I never thought this sort of thing would happen." He paused for a moment. "I'll allow it."

"WHAT?!" screamed Courtney. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"

"Alejandro wants to keep doing the challenge, even though he's eliminated! That's the sort of enthusiasm I want from all my competitors. Why should I punish him for that?"

"He's helping another player on a DIFFERENT TEAM! HE CAN'T DO THAT!"

"I know the idea of 'helping other players' is a foreign concept to you, Courtney, but it's actually quite nice of Alejandro to do this for Heather. And a touching romantic gesture to boot. Good on ya, Al!"

Alejandro gave Chris a thumbs-up, then turned back and blew a raspberry at Courtney. The C.I.T. clenched her fists, trembling with rage.

"Fine," she hissed. "We can play this game."

With her eyes trained on Alejandro, Courtney started sprinting even faster. Jo nodded with approval, and picked up her pace as well. Alejandro's eyes widened as he saw the two of them quickly approaching, and turned his focus back to the path ahead.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: To be honest, I'm actually not the most talented runner. (He cringes.) I was kind of banking on them not following me, to be honest. But that probably would've been asking for too much.

(Static)

Jo: At that point, it was no longer about the tank top for me. I would've been chasing after that douche even if he didn't have it.

End of Confessionals

Another another chase was ensuing nearby.

"Why are you still following me?!" Heather yelled back at Sugar. "YOU HAVE IMMUNITY ALREADY!" The farm girl was chasing her down a forest path, holding a stick like a wand.

"I don't care about that! You still gotta go see the Wizard!" Sugar called after her. "Sugar ain't stoppin' until then!"

"Ha! You really think you can catch me? With that body?"

"Honey, I've caught faster pageant judges than you!"

To Heather's surprise, Sugar was gaining on her – and fast. The raven-haired girl turned back ahead, thinking to herself as she ran.

"I don't get it. Why is this bitch so obsessed with me? Isn't she one of Alejandro's teammates?"

That's when Heather put it together.

"ALEJANDRO, YOU IMBECILE!"

Meanwhile, Jasmine remained pinned under Eva, who was now asleep and snoring like a bear. Every time Jasmine tried to move out from under her, the bodybuilder's arms would wrap more tightly around her body, trapping her. The Australian girl gritted her teeth and waited, preparing herself for an opportunity.

Suddenly, there was a commotion from across the water. Jasmine looked up from the mud to see that Heather had arrived at the other side of the pond, bending over to catch her breath. The queen bee looked up from the ground and peered out at the water. Once the buoy caught her eye, she let out a cheer.

Suddenly, Sugar's crazed voice called out from within the forest. "Ha! Sugar's gonna getcha!"

Heather quickly dove into the water and began swimming toward the buoy. Sugar appeared on the shore and did a double-take when she saw Heather in the water.

"What the…? Witches can swim? I thought they shriveled up in water!"

The pageant queen cannon-balled in after Heather, sending massive ripples throughout the pond. Jasmine looked up again to see a towering wave heading their way, gaining in height at a rapid pace. She took a deep breath and braced herself for impact. Eva remained asleep on top of her, completely oblivious.

The swell hovered for a moment, casting a shadow over them. Then it crashed down in a massive spray of water, enveloping their bodies. Eva screamed as she was swept away by the current, while Jasmine dived forward into the wave. After a few seconds underwater, she rose to the surface of the pond and looked around. There, just a few yards away, was the buoy. Jasmine grinned and started swimming toward it with massive strokes.

Meanwhile, Heather was also approaching the buoy, though swimming at a considerably slower pace than Jasmine. She glanced behind her to see Sugar doggy paddling after her, struggling to keep up. Heather then turned back toward the buoy to see Jasmine was now almost there.

"Damn it!" Heather groaned. "I'm not going to make it in time!"

Suddenly there was a commotion at the opposite end of the shore. Now it was Alejandro who had arrived at the edge of the pond, breathing heavily. He frantically looked around until he noticed Heather in the water. The Latino squealed with joy.

"HEATHER! OVER HERE!" he called out to her. He held up his immunity tank top. "I HAVE THIS TO GIVE TO YOU!"

But Heather couldn't hear him. Alejandro looked back and saw Courtney and Jo just a few yards away, running right towards him. He screamed and started running again, sprinting along the edge of the pond and shouting at the water.

"HEATHER! POR FAVOR! MY LEGS ARE REALLY TIRED! MY CALVES ARE ON FIRE! I CAN'T KEEP…" Alejandro trailed off as he suddenly noticed Jo standing in front of him. He gasped and came to a stop. "What the…? How did you do that?"

"I went around the other side, idiot," Jo said. "The pond is a circle."

Alejandro turned around and started to run the opposite direction, but came to a stop when he saw Courtney coming toward him. He stood there, looking back and forth between the two girls as they approached him from opposite sides. The Spaniard then looked out at the water, where Jasmine was just a few feet from the buoy while Heather was considerably farther away.

Then he got an idea.

"Here you go," Alejandro said, handing the tank top to Jo.

"What?!" Courtney gasped and came to a stop. "What are you doing?!"

Jo looked down at the tank top in her hands, confused. "Well, I was certainly not expecting that."

"It will all make sense in a moment," Alejandro said, grinning.

He turned back to the pond, where Jasmine had reached the buoy. The Australian girl cheered as she grabbed the tank top off the pole and held it up for everyone to see. Chris' voice came over the intercom.

"And a member of Team Brawn has retrieved the second immunity tank top!" he announced.

Jasmine started to cheer again. "YES!"

"Congratulations to Jo!"

Jasmine dropped her hands. "…Wait, what?" She looked toward the shore, where Jo was also holding a tank top, still looking puzzled.

Chris chuckled. "That was super close, but Alejandro gave the tank top to Jo a split-second before Jasmine reached the buoy. Which means that Jo is safe, and Jasmine will still be vulnerable at tonight's campfire ceremony. It also means that the tank top Jasmine found is still up for grabs."

Right as he said this, Heather reached the buoy and snatched the tank top out of Jasmine's hands. She waved it in air.

"There! I got it!" she called out.

"Wow! It was not up-for-grabs for long!" Chris exclaimed. "Heather gets immunity for the Brains. And just like that, this challenge is over!"

Courtney dropped to her knees and shouted out in frustration. "NOOOOO! How did this happen?!"

"It's quite simple, really," Alejandro said, approaching behind her. "I realized that Jasmine was going to beat Heather to the buoy. So I gave my tank top to Jo and thus made Jasmine ineligible to win. While I wasn't able to give my tank top to Heather directly, I was still able to use it as a tool to indirectly help her win."

"This is such BULLSH**!" Courtney yelled.

"No," Alejandro said. "It is love." He gazed passionately at the water, watching Heather swim to shore.

"Nah, it's definitely bullsh**," Courtney said. She stood up and stormed away, muttering to herself. "We'll see if my lawyer has anything to say about this."

Meanwhile, Heather had arrived at the shore and was wringing out her hair. Alejandro started running towards her in slow motion, his arms outstretched. Right as he was about to hug her, Heather stepped out of the way. Alejandro ran right past and tripped, falling face-first into the water with a splash. The now-drenched Latino sat upright in the mud, frowning up at Heather.

"Why did you reject my embrace? Are you angry with me?"

"Yes," Heather said, looking away from him. "Yes I am."

"Why? I just helped you win the challenge!"

Heather leaned down and glared at Alejandro.

"You? Helping me win? You didn't 'help me win'," she spat. "No, you almost cost me the challenge by sending that psycho redneck girl after me. I had to find two different tank tops because of you. So the next time you want to help, I suggest you—"

Heather was cut off as Sugar suddenly tackled her into the water.

"I GOT HER!"

Confession Cam

Heather: I've just about had it with Alejandro. Now he's trying to win challenges for me? (She groans.) Where's the guy that wouldn't even consider helping me if both my legs were broken? Where's the guy who would screw me over in a heartbeat if it meant a better shot at the money for himself? That's the guy I fell in love with.

(Static)

Jo: I don't believe in hollow victories, but man, that was a hollow victory. (She sighs.) There's nothing fun about Al just handing me the tank top. I would've much preferred to pry it from his cold, dead hands.

(Static)

Jasmine. Damn, that was a rough one. I really thought I had it. (She shrugs.) But I should still be OK tonight. I feel like I have a good read on the team. (She hesitates.) Although I really don't know what Eva's deal was during that challenge. I guess she just gets super competitive. I doubt it had anything to do with me specifically.

(Static)

Courtney: Well, my lawyer just told me I would probably lose the lawsuit if I tried. So looks like I'm stuck without immunity tonight. (She sighs.) Which means I'm very likely the first boot unless someone else screws up even worse than me. Ugh, where's an Ezekiel when you need one?

End of Confessionals

Beach

Per Chris' orders, all of the competitors from the challenge had gathered at the beach near the campfire area, still looking ragged and dirty. The sun was just beginning to set, casting an orange light over the island.

Suddenly, a hole in the sand opened up, startling everyone. An elevator rose out of the hole and its doors opened with a ding. The contestants who had been in detention walked out, chatting happily among themselves.

"Looks like they sure had fun," Courtney said, scowling.

Tyler walked over to Jasmine, Eva, and Jo, wearing a bandage around his head after his multiple concussions. He dizzily waved at them as if they were standing far away.

"HEY GUYS! GOOD TO SEE YA! I'M BACK FROM UH… WELL… WHEREVER I JUST WAS! HOW—"

"Stop! Why are you shouting?" Jo interrupted, covering her ears. "We're right in front of you!"

Brick and Duncan then joined the group. The cadet was using one arm to prop up the delinquent, who was blackout drunk.

"Tyler's probably just excited to be back," Brick said. "As am I! I'm thrilled to be reunited with the troops!"

"Why were you idiots even with the sit-outs in the first place?" Jo asked. "You chose to compete!"

"And what happened to him?" Jasmine asked, glancing at Duncan in concern.

"Nothing's wrong with me, JASMINE," Duncan suddenly said, pushing off from Brick. He stumbled around, trying to steady himself. "I'm just *hic* living my BEST LIFE!"

"Wait a minute… is he wasted right now?" Jo asked in disbelief, staring at Duncan. "How did he get drunk? And more importantly, if he's drunk, then why aren't I also drunk? That's never supposed to happen."

"You could've partied, Jo, but you were *urp* too much of a pussy," Duncan said, placing his hand on Eva's shoulder, who he thought was Jo. The muscle girl stepped to the side, causing the punk to lose his balance and face-plant in the sand.

Suddenly, Chris' voice rang out, catching everyone's attention. The group turned to the host, who was standing on the beach in front of them.

"Good evening, campers! Now that we're all back in the same location, we can quickly recap what went down at the challenge. For those of you who missed it." Chris shot a dirty look at the sit-outs as he spoke. "It was Sugar who found the first immunity tank top of the day. Which means Alejandro and the rest of Team Beauty will be vulnerable at tonight's three-way campfire ceremony."

Justin rubbed his hands together, grinning evilly. "Excellent. My plan is—"

"ZIP IT! Next, in a very intense showdown, Jo won immunity for the Brawns, followed closely by Heather for the Brains." Chris beckoned to the elevator. "Finally, while of this was going on, apparently there was an uprising among the sit-outs. Instead of sitting at their desks and being good students, they threw a party."

Anne Maria rolled her eyes. "Wow, are you seriously that salty about it? Get over it. It's not that big of—"

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN SAVE ME A BEER!" Chris roared. He took a deep breath, rubbing his temples. "…I'm tired of this. So very tired of this. Before we go any further, you all need to understand that this competition is a serious deal. That it's not all fun and games."

With that, the host pressed a button on his remote control. The ground next to him opened up, and a giant pink wheel with flashing colorful lights rose out of the sand. The wheel had each camper's face on it, lit up in neon.

Chris smirked at the campers as they stared at the massive flashing wheel. "Not laughing now, are we?"

"Ah yes, of course," Noah said. "To prove this show isn't 'fun and games', we're going to play 'Wheel of Fortune'."

"Exactly!" Chris laughed, oblivious to the irony. "It's one of my favorite games – it's just so much fun!"

"What are we gonna be spinning it for?" Jasmine asked.

"Ha! Like I'd let any of you campers get your grubby hands on this beautiful, sexy wheel. I'll be spinning it to choose one person from each team to go to exile for the night!"

"Exile?" Cameron gasped, his eyes widening. "Oh no! That place is terrible!"

"Indeed it is, Cameron. That being said, while exile is an incredibly dangerous place where you will likely die, there may still be two pretty big incentives for you to want to go there. First, if you get selected, you will leave Pahkitew Island immediately - no campfire ceremony tonight for you!"

Courtney's eyes widened in excitement. "Hold on… so if we get chosen, we can't get voted off tonight?"

"Exactly! Which, for you folks who have already pissed off all your teammates, could mean the difference between life and death in this game."

Heather scowled. "So what you're saying is that I just spent hours running around and fighting tooth-and-nail to ensure my safety, and now someone else on my team will just get handed immunity having done literally nothing?"

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Chris said with a wink. "But that's not the only advantage of going to exile! Once again, there will be a Hidden Chris Head somewhere on the island." He held up a wooden carving of his face for all to see. "If you think your ass is on the line, whip this handsome baby out before I start passing out the marshmallows, and you get an automatic marshmallow regardless of how much your team hates you. Not only that, but you also get the biggest marshmallow of them all!"

"The biggest… marshmallow?" Sugar gasped, her mouth watering.

"Yep! So this will be very valuable to—" Chris was cut off as Sugar suddenly snatched the idol out of his hand.

"There! I found it! That was easy!"

Chris shook his head. "Nice try, Sugar. But that's just a copy of the real Chris Head. Now please hand it back."

Sugar snapped her fingers in disappointment, before giving the wooden statue back to the host. Chris quietly heaved a sigh of relief.

Confession Cam

Chris: Okay, I probably shouldn't have been using the real Chris Head for the demonstration. (He wipes the sweat from his brow.) Phew. That could've been really anticlimactic.

End of Confessionals

"All right, let's give this bad boy a spin and find out our three exiled campers!" Chris announced, walking over to the wheel. The host admired the contraption for a moment, gazing up at it. "Damn, you're beautiful…" He started to straddle it. "Such a big, powerful wheel…"

"Molest the wheel on your own time, Mclean!" Jo shouted. "Spin it already!"

Chris crossed his arms. "You're just jealous because you don't get to touch the wheel. But fine." He beckoned to the face of the wheel, which was divided into three sections – one for each team. Inside each section were pictures of that team's six members.

"I will spin the wheel once, and it will simultaneously land on three different players – one player from each team," Chris explained. "That way, we don't waste any time."

With that, the host grabbed the wheel and spun it as hard as he could. The contestants all watched anxiously as the wheel spun around and around, soaring past each of their faces. However, that anxiety quickly turned to annoyance after the wheel had been spinning for a minute and still wasn't slowing down.

"What happened to 'not wasting any time'?" Heather asked.

"There's a difference between 'wasting time' and 'building dramatic tension', Heather," Chris said. "I know what I'm doing."

Five minutes later…

The wheel continued to spin at the same speed as before. Most of the campers were now sitting in the sand, bored out of their minds. A few were still standing and watching anxiously, such as Courtney and Sugar.

Chris glanced nervously at Chef. "Yo… are you sure you built this thing right?"

Chef shrugged in response.

Whistling to himself, Chris snuck around to back of the wheel. Then he quickly grabbed it from behind, causing it to come to a screeching stop.

"Wow! And look at that! The wheel has magically stopped all on its own!" Chris announced, catching everyone's attention. He walked out from behind the wheel, grinning.

"What exactly were you doing back there?" Heather asked suspiciously. "Actually, don't answer that. I don't want to know."

Everyone gathered around the wheel to see whom it had chosen, with some gasps among the crowd. Chris announced the results for all to hear.

"And we have our three exiled campers! From Team Beauty, it's Sugar! From Team Brawn, it's Duncan! And from Team Brains, it's Noah! Come on up!"

"DAMN IT!" Courtney cursed, kicking the sand in frustration.

"NO! NOT MY FRIEND NOAH!" Harold cried out, latching on to the bookworm with tears in his eyes.

Noah pushed Harold off of him and walked over to Chris, joined by a very excited Sugar and a very inebriated Duncan. Chris walked up to the delinquent, who smiled drunkenly back at him.

"Wow," Chris said with disgust. "Not a good look, Duncan. Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Duncan paused for a moment, looking as if he was about to answer. Then he puked all over Chris' shoes. The host sighed.

"And off you go," he said, pointing toward the shore, where Chef was waiting next to a boat.

The three exiled campers slowly made their way over, with Duncan having to stop every so often to puke some more.

Noah was reading his book as he walked when he suddenly felt a pair of meaty hands latch on to his shoulders. He slowly turned around to see Sugar, who had a crazy, bloodthirsty look in her eyes. She smiled widely at the know-it-all.

"Your ass is mine."

Noah stared back at her in horror.

Confession Cam

Sugar: Ain't nobody gonna stop me from getting' that biggest marshmallow. When I set my eyes on the prize, I do whatever it takes. (She cracks her knuckles.) Those two boys better be ready for the fight of their lives.

(Static)

Duncan: …. (He is sitting on the toilet, passed out.)

End of Confessionals

"As for the rest of you… now the fun begins," Chris chuckled, facing the remaining 15 contestants. "In just a few moments, we will all head over to the campfire pit, where each team will vote someone out."

"We're not going back to camp?" Scarlett asked.

"No way! Do you know how long it would take to organize you all in one place again? Since you're all here, we can go full steam ahead with the eliminations. In fact, we can head over to the campfire pit right now!"

"Wait!" Courtney interjected. "We can't vote yet! We need time to strategize!"

"Ugh… I can honestly do without the whole 'strategy' portion of the show," Chris groaned. "It never involves me, so I don't care about it." He started to turn around. "Let's go, folks!"

Courtney suddenly grabbed Chris by the collar, her teeth gritted and her faces inches from his.

"Not the answer I was looking for," she growled.

Chris cringed. "Fine! Geez! I'll give you five minutes to strategize here on the beach. But honestly, if this is how you typically talk to people, then I really don't think it's gonna do you any good."

Courtney let go of the host's collar and backed off. Chris brushed himself off, before addressing everyone else.

"Okay, people! Per Courtney's request, you all can do your stupid strategy for a few minutes! But don't expect any of it to make it on the show! Thank you."

Team Brains

Scarlett, Cameron, Harold, Heather, and Courtney all stood around in a group on the beach.

"I honestly don't think there's much to discuss, if anything at all," Scarlett said. "I believe the team has come to a consensus."

"No we haven't!" Courtney protested. "We have not come anywhere close to a consensus!"

"Just because the consensus pick is to vote you out, does not mean it's not a consensus," Scarlett said.

Courtney looked around at the group, flustered. "Come on! You guys need me! I'm the only person on this team with any leadership abilities!"

Heather smirked at her as she fixed her hair. "If you're such a great leader, Courtney, then how come you haven't been able to lead anyone to want to align with you?"

Harold placed a hand on Courtney's shoulder. "I know how you feel right now. But I promise that being an early boot is honestly not that bad! I mean, sure, I was incredibly embarrassed and devastated when I got voted out in episode three of Total Drama World Tour. And I was honestly pretty depressed for a couple of months after. I lost a lot of my passion for life and alienated most of my loved ones. But finally, after many painful trips to intensive therapy, I feel really good about the experience! That's probably how you'll feel about this too when it's all said and done!"

"Wow, Harold. I feel soooooo much better now," Courtney said, scowling. She turned to Cameron, who looked away. "And what about you, Cameron? You know I'm not the weakest person here. To be honest, you're probably the weakest person here, but I guess I can't expect you to vote for yourself."

"I'm sorry, Courtney," Cameron mumbled, rubbing his sleeve. "Because of what happened with the challenge, there just aren't a lot of options to choose from. I don't think I can vote for Harold or Scarlett."

Courtney sighed. "Well, I guess it's me, then. You've all made it very clear. Nothing I can do." She turned to Heather. "But can we talk for a moment?"

"Whatever," Heather said with a shrug. "I wouldn't mind listening to you grovel."

Cameron and Scarlett watched Courtney walk away with Heather.

"Wow… she must've really given up if she's going to try to get Heather to save her," Cameron said, as Scarlett nodded sadly.

Meanwhile, Heather and Courtney came to a stop near the water. Courtney took a deep breath.

"As much as it pains me to admit it… you've won."

"Yeah, no sh**," Heather said.

"But you can't vote me out, and you know it."

"Um, yes, I can."

"No, you can't. Not if you want to make it far in this game." Courtney looked at the rest of the team. "I'm sure you heard Cameron just now."

"I did not. I always zone out whenever he's talking. He does absolutely nothing to hold my attention."

"Same. But Cameron said something that did catch my attention for once. He said he was voting for me 'because of what happened with the challenge'." Courtney raised an eyebrow. "Interesting, isn't it? He just admitted that if you hadn't won immunity, then the situation would be different. As in, you might've been the one going home."

Heather put her hands on her hips. "So what? I have immunity tonight. What Cameron would do if I didn't have immunity is irrelevant. What Cameron does in general is irrelevant. Is this really your best pitch?"

Courtney sighed. "Don't be intentionally obtuse. You're the one that said it to me earlier; you and I are on the bottom of this team. If you vote me out, you're changing nothing about that. You'll still be on the bottom, and they'll just vote you out next time."

"You're saying that like you wouldn't vote me out next time," Heather said, eyeing her suspiciously.

"Not if you save me!" Courtney pleaded. "You'll have earned my loyalty! I can be a part of your alliance with Harold or whatever! I promise!"

Heather thought for a moment. Then a smile slowly crept across her face.

Confession Cam

Heather: It's not every day that you have someone get down on their hands and knees and beg to be your alliance underling. Courtney being that someone? It was just too hard to resist.

End of Confessionals

"There's been change of plans."

Heather was standing in front of Harold, who nodded eagerly.

"Just give me the command, and I shall follow it," he declared.

"You're not going to like it."

"That's fine! Whoever you tell me to vote for, I'll do it. No questions."

"Okay. Vote for Cameron."

Harold immediately collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

"NOOOOO! WHY CAMERON? WHY HIM?"

"I thought you said 'no questions'," Heather said, turning away from Harold in disgust. .

Harold stood up and grabbed onto Heather by her shirt, snot running down his face.

"I can't vote for Cameron!" he cried. "He's one of the most inspirational people I've ever met! He's a beacon of hope for nerds everywhere!"

"Why do you keep saying that?" Heather asked, rolling her eyes. "'Beacon of hope'? If Cameron was my 'beacon of hope' then I would kill myself."

"I just can't do it! Please! Anybody but Cameron!" Harold suddenly got an idea. "I know! What if we voted for Courtney?"

"That's just going back to the original plan! The one I don't want us to do, idiot!"

"Oh yeah." Harold paused for a moment, thinking. "Maybe we could vote for Heather?"

Heather slapped him across the face. "I'm Heather!"

"Whoops, my bad." Harold rubbed his face, cringing in pain. "I think I'm still a little out of it from the challenge. I had a run-in with Eva where she—"

"I don't want to hear about your life!" Heather angrily interjected. "I want to hear you say you're voting for Cameron!"

"I just don't get why you're so against voting Courtney all of a sudden! I thought you two were a pair of vengeful vixens! But now you guys are a pair of friendly femme fatales?"

"Those were two of the worst alliterations of I've ever heard. And not like I have to explain anything to you, but keeping Courtney is better for the alliance right now."

"B-but… Cameron's a warrior!"

"How? He was too scared to even compete in the challenge today! Like you said, where's the honor in that?" Heather narrowed her eyes. "But you know who did compete? Courtney. She had true honor. She didn't back down from the fight, and put it all on the line today. Why should it be her?"

Harold put his head in his hands and sighed. "Cameron did disappoint me when he made that decision."

"Exactly. Now you can express your disappointment by voting for him."

"I personally still think voting for Courtney is the superior move," Alejandro said. "I think we should all stick to the original plan."

Heather turned to see Alejandro standing with them, one hand on each of their shoulders. The Latino smiled back at her, but that smile quickly vanished as her knee slammed into his crotch. He collapsed on the sand, groaning.

"Agh… why did you do that?" he moaned in a high-pitched voice.

"I don't know how else to send the message anymore!" Heather snapped. "You. Aren't. On. My. TEAM! You need to leave me alone!"

"I just thought I should weigh in!" Alejandro exclaimed, standing back up and covering his crotch. "My strategic mind can provide a unique perspective for you to draw from when making your decision."

"I don't give a f**k about your 'perspective'!"

"That's not very nice to say, Heather," Harold said, looking at her disapprovingly. "Alejandro's a very well-educated man. Let's hear what he has to contribute."

"Thank you, Harold," Alejandro said, brushing off his pants. "All I'm saying is that Courtney has been our enemy since day one. And I simply do not think that saving her is the correct move! I say that when you have a chance to get rid of her, you take it!"

Harold nodded with approval. "Some strong points from Alejandro."

"It doesn't matter if Courtney's an enemy!" Heather shot back. "If I get rid of her, then I lose the numbers. But if I keep Courtney, then she'll owe me."

Harold nodded again. "Some equally strong points from Heather."

"But do you really think she'll follow through?" Alejandro asked, crossing his arms. "What has she done to make you trust her? For all we know, she'll just sell you out the next chance she gets!"

"Wow! And Alejandro counters with another barrage of strong points!"

"It's a risk I want to take. You don't win this game by making the safe decision."

"But Heather comes back with perhaps the strongest point so far!"

"Well, I can bet that if Courtney had won immunity and you were vulnerable tonight, she wouldn't do this for you. Which, by the way, you're welcome for stopping her from winning immunity today. I spent all day helping you and you wouldn't even hug me after!"

Heather moved closer to Alejandro, now inches away from his face.

"'You're welcome'? You didn't do sh** for me during that challenge. You were completely incompetent, as usual. And even if you did 'help me', I didn't even want you to! You never listen to what I want!"

"Oh, so now I'm such a bad boyfriend for helping you." Alejandro threw up his hands in exasperation. "This is why you have no friends. You push everyone away! You can't just accept nice things because you love pitying yourself!"

"I don't 'pity' myself!" Heather jabbed a finger into her boyfriend's chest. "How could you even say that? You obviously don't know the first thing about me!"

Alejandro turned away. "I know enough about you to know you're not nearly as special or important as you think you are. So you can keep acting like you're too good to be with me, but you and I both know that I'm settling just as much as you are. I have plenty of options that are way easier to deal with than you!"

"Oh really? Who are all these other 'options' of yours? Owen?"

"That's rich coming from the person who made out with his bellybutton!"

"Wow! Strong points are just flying back and f—"

"SHUT UP, HAROLD!" Alejandro and Heather simultaneously yelled, making the nerd shrink away. This broke the tension between the couple.

Heather sighed. "We can continue this conversation later, because we obviously still have a lot to talk about. But now is not the time."

"Why not?" Alejandro asked, crossing his arms.

"Because we are about to go to the campfire ceremony, dumbass! I need to be strategizing, not having couples' therapy right now!" Heather glanced over at Team Beauty, which was huddled in a circle and whispering among themselves. "Speaking of which, why aren't you making sure your team isn't plotting to vote you off right now? You don't even have immunity tonight."

"I'm not worried about that," Alejandro chuckled, not even looking in the direction of his team. "I convinced that halfwit Justin to vote for Dawn, and most of the others listen to what he says. He's probably just telling everyone to vote for her right now."

Heather glanced back at the Team Beauty huddle, where Dawn was also with them. But she didn't mention it to Alejandro.

Team Beauty

"So we're all still in agreement on Alejandro, right?" Justin asked, looking around at Dawn, Topher, and Anne Maria.

"Hell yeah," Anne Maria answered. "That fool has gotta go!"

"I'm in," Topher said, nodding.

"Umm, well… hmm…" Dawn murmured, glancing away.

"Cool. Sounds like three emphatic 'yeses'," Justin concluded, grinning. He paused and turned to Dawn. "Can you please be more emphatic with your 'yes'?"

Dawn sighed. "I would… but I don't think I will be voting for Alejandro."

"That's better," Justin said, nodding. Then he gasped and turned back to Dawn. "Wait, no! That was even less emphatic than before!"

"You're not voting for Alejandro?" Anne Maria asked in shock. "Then that means you'd be voting for one of us!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Justin laughed. "There's no way she'd do that." He shrugged and beckoned to Anne Maria. "I mean, I get why she'd vote for you. You're really loud and annoying." He turned to Topher. "And it goes without saying why she'd vote for you…"

"I actually think I'm going to vote for you tonight, Justin," Dawn said.

"…But there's no way she'd vote for me," Justin laughed, taking out his handmirror. "I'm Justin, after all!" He stood there for a moment, admiring his reflection. Then his eyes slowly widened. The model dropped the mirror and whipped back around to face Dawn, his face contorted in rage.

"YOU'RE VOTING FOR ME?"

"Please don't take it personally, Justin!" Dawn pleaded. "I wanted to cast a vote that would have the minimum effect possible!"

"OH REALLY? BECAUSE I'M NOT FEELING MUCH OF A 'MINIMUM EFFECT' RIGHT NOW!"

"Please let me explain! Maybe I've never told you this, but I am ethically against the concept of the 'vote out'. When you vote for someone, it sends a message of social rejection; that you don't want that person around anymore. For a socially awkward individual that already feels excluded, it can have a truly devastating effect. But you, Justin? It's the opposite. You have a wonderful social circle; you're surrounded by people who love and care about you. You have Anne Maria, who admires you more than anyone. You have Topher, your right-hand man and closest confidante."

"And I have you, who's f**king voting for me," Justin seethed. "And now you're going to pay the price." He then stormed away as Anne Maria hurried after him.

Dawn sighed and hung her head. "Maybe I deserved that."

Topher walked over to the moon girl and stood next to her. He was silent for a moment. Then he spoke.

"…Do you really think I'm Justin's closest confidante?" he asked hopefully. "That's so awesome."

Dawn sighed again.

Confession Cam

Dawn: I understand why Justin lashed out at me. Nobody wants to hear that they're receiving a vote. But it was better to have this conversation now so that he has time to process it. I just hope he can still find a way to channel this into positive energy.

(Static)

Justin: So now I hate Dawn. (He taps chin.) But I also hate Alejandro. The question is, who do I hate more? Either way, I'm filled with hate right now.

End of Confessionals

Team Brawn

Meanwhile, Jo had just finished talking to Jasmine near the campfire pit when Eva ran up to her, out of breath.

"There you are!" she heaved. "I finally found you." The bodybuilder noticed Jasmine walking away, and frowned. "Why were you talking to Jasmine? She's our target! ARE YOU GOING TO BETRAY ME?"

"Chill out!" Jo exclaimed, placing her hands on Eva's shoulders. "I'm not going to betray you. I just had to give Jasmine a name so she wouldn't ask questions or get suspicious. I told her we're voting for Tyler."

"Ingenious," Eva said, grinning evilly. "That's so perfect. She'll all think we're voting for Tyler, but then actually we vote for her!"

"Uh, yeah. That's how lying works," Jo said. She tapped her chin in thought. "Duncan leaving for exile is actually good for our plan, because he definitely wouldn't have voted against Jasmine. You and I count for two votes, and now we only need three to get the majority. So we just need to convince one of Brick or Tyler."

"Wait, you still haven't talked to them?" Eva gasped. "We hardly have any time left!"

"That's why we should split up the job," Jo said. "I'll go bully Brick into compliance. And you see if you can work on Tyler."

"Got it." Eva first-bumped Jo and then raced over to Tyler, who was sitting on a tree stump with the bandage around his head. He was still obviously concussed, looking as if he barely knew where he was.

"Hey, Tyler," she said, putting on a fake smile. "How are you feeling?"

Tyler glanced up at her and smiled. "Oh. Hey, Brick."

"What?" Eva laughed. "I'm not Brick. I'm Eva."

"I just wanted to say, Brick… I'm really glad we got to know each other better today." Tyler rubbed his sleeve and glanced down at the ground. "To be honest, I was sort of threatened by you at first. It's hard for me to trust people, especially when they're so nice to me. It led me to really dislike you; I was even plotting to vote you out. But—"

"Stop with this weird confession! I'm not Brick! Your head is obviously still messed up!"

"I know you're upset, Brick. But please let me explain. I now realize that I unfairly judged you. You're a really great guy, Brick. When we were down in that scary corridor, and saw that really ugly lady, you were there for me like nobody else has ever been before. Not even Lindsay. I'm sure you also felt a spark…"

"I did not! I wasn't there!"

"…the spark of friendship. I don't know what's in store for us this season, but I do know one thing. You're my best friend, Brick."

"I AM NOT BRICK!" Eva exploded, grabbing Tyler by neck and throttling him. "YOU ARE THE WORST!"

She stormed away, leaving the jock dazed and confused.

Confession Cam

Eva: Okay, so Tyler was a dud. Maybe I got a little overheated, too. (She takes a deep breath.) But it's fine. As long as Jo comes through on Brick, then it's bye-bye Jasmine. (She glances at herself in mirror, looking a bit insecure.) Speaking of Brick, do I really look like him?

(Static)

Tyler: Phew. It's hard to open up to people and be vulnerable like that. But damn, it feels so good. I'm glad I could tell Brick how I was feeling. (He scratches his head.) I don't remember Brick having boobs… but I'm honestly not complaining.

End of Confessionals

Campfire Area

The sun had now completely set and the moon was high in the sky. Chris stood before the campers, surveying them. The Brains were sitting on stumps to the left, the Beauties were sitting in the middle, and the Brawns were sitting on the right.

"And now… the moment you've all been waiting for." Chris threw up his hands. "Welcome to Total Drama's first-ever three-way!"

"There were literally an infinite number of better ways to have phrased that," Courtney said.

"I'm just stating what it is," the host said. "Now, let's get into how this will work. Everyone will go vote at the same time. Then, once everyone is done, I will announce the voting results team-by-team. That way, the results from one team's campfire ceremony won't affect how another team votes."

"Wow, that's actually a smart factor to consider," Scarlett said.

"Thank you, Scarlett. But you shouldn't be surprised. We carefully consider all the factors here on Total Drama. Ok, everyone go line up at once!"

All 15 campers got up from their seats and formed a long line outside of the outhouse. Everyone groaned.

"Well, this is going to take forever," Jasmine sighed.

"Okay, so this was a rare factor that I did not consider," Chris said, looking at the line and frowning. He cupped his hands to his mouth. "Let's make it ten-second voting confessionals, people! No rambling monologues! I'm looking at you, Topher."

Topher slumped his shoulders.

Confession Cam

Justin: Chris set a ten-second limit, but that's just not gonna happen. My villainous confessionals need at least a minute to get the full effect. (He laughs.) Besides, what's Chris going to do? It's not lik— (He screams as he is ejected out of the outhouse, crashing through the ceiling.)

(Static)

Anne Maria (trembling): Oh my god… I j-just saw what happened to Justin when he went in here! S-so I'm g-gonna make mine super short! (She quickly scribbles down a name, and heaves a sigh of relief.) There. I made it in t—(She is cut off as she, too, is ejected from the outhouse.)

(Static)

Harold: How do I make such a heartwrenching decision in just ten seconds? Do I really go ahead with such an intense betrayal of one of my closest buddies? (He pounds his head against the wall in agony. Then he slowly looks around.) Huh. I thought for sure I was past ten seconds. Maybe Chris decided to give me some extra time to really contempl—(He is ejected from the outhouse.)

(Static)

Cameron (sitting down): I vote f—(He is immediately ejected from the outhouse.)

(Static)

Tyler: WOO! MY TURN! MY TURN! (The athlete runs into the outhouse and closes the door. He then stands there, waiting for his turn to be ejected. Ten seconds pass and nothing happens.) Aw, man. Come on! I wanna go on the ride too! (The ejection mechanism suddenly goes off, and the jock cheers as he is shot upward. However, he doesn't break through the ceiling and instead slams into it with a painful thud, before crashing back down onto the toilet, unconscious.)

End of Confessionals

After nearly two hours of campers trying and failing to vote before getting ejected, all the votes had finally been tallied. Chris stood before the group, who were covered in bruises.

"Well, I think we can all agree that my idea saved a lot of time," he said proudly. "And if nothing else, I certainly had a lot of fun."

"Hell yeah! THAT WAS EXTREME!" Tyler cheered from the back. The athlete now had five or six more layers of bandages wrapped around his head.

"But all fun things must come to an end," Chris said. "It is time to see which three of you will, for all intents and purposes, become no more. Because honestly, if you don't get to be on TV, it's pretty much like you don't even exist!"

Topher nodded solemnly in agreement.

"...Anyways, let's get to it," Chris continued. "We'll start with Team Brains."

The group fell silent as Chris reached behind his podium. The host pulled out a tray – but to everyone's surprise, it did not have marshmallows. Instead, there were books.

Justin gasped in terror at the sight. "BOOKS? We're getting BOOKS instead of marshmallows?! All right, see ya." He stood up, preparing to leave.

"Sit down, Justin. These are only for the nerds." Chris turned to the camera. "That's right, folks! For this very special campfire ceremony, each team will receive a special item to represent their safety. The Brains, whose greatest asset is their 'knowledge', will receive books."

"How exciting!" Cameron exclaimed. "What book did you choose for us? The Sound and the Fury? The Grapes of Wrath?"

"My memoir!" Chris answered, holding up one of the books to show a picture of the host's face on the front. "The greatest classic of all."

"Well, at least we'll have some more firewood now," Heather muttered.

Chris picked up the plate of books, and his expression grew serious.

"Without further ado, let us begin the time-honored tradition," he said. "I will start passing out the books. If you do not receive a copy of my memoir, your time on this show will come to an end. You will also miss out on a powerful examination of manhood, betrayal, and love, all spun together in a tightly-woven 575-page epic that Chef Hatchet himself has praised as a 'delight to the senses'."

"Holy sh**, that sounds good," Harold whispered to Heather, who rolled her eyes.

"All right, let's get to it," Chris said. "Because she won immunity, Heather gets the first book of the night."

Alejandro stood up and clapped as Chris tossed a book to Heather, who ducked to avoid the flying projectile.

"The next book goes to… Scarlett," said Chris, picking another book up from the tray and throwing it to her. "...Followed by Harold."

"Sweet!" Harold cheered, running up to grab a book from the host himself. He opened to the front page, read one sentence, and instantly gasped. "Oh my god. Chef was right… my senses are delighted."

Chris, meanwhile, gazed at Cameron and Courtney, who both sat nervously on their stumps. "And then there were two. I see two nerds sitting here before me, but only one marshmallow on my-"

"Don't you mean book?" Heather interrupted.

"Okay, way to ruin all of the dramatic tension," Chris groaned.

"You're the one that just called that thing a marshmallow," Heather said. "Not me."

"You're a marshmallow!" Chris snapped. He turned back to Cameron and Courtney. "Sorry about that. The final marshmallow-"

"Book."

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Courtney heaved a sigh of relief and immediately turned to Heather, ignoring the book as it sailed over her head.

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "You won't regret this."

"Let's hope not," Heather said.

Chris turned to Cameron, who hung his head dejectedly.

"Cameron, your bubble has sadly been burst," the host sighed. "I'll give you a moment to say your goodbyes."

Cameron looked around at the team, smiling.

"It's okay, guys! You don't need to explain yourselves. No hard feelings, all right?" The scrawny teen stood up and began to make his way to the exit.

Chris groaned. "Booooooooring."

Harold suddenly jumped in front of Cameron and dropped to his knees, bowing apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Cameron-san! It was I! I was the one who voted for you!" He grabbed onto Cameron's shoes. "Please forgive me!"

"Of course I forgive you, Harold," Cameron assured him, helping him up off the ground. "I'll always value the time we spent together! We created some really special memories. I'll never forget that time we collected rare fungi!"

"Ah yes," Harold laughed at the memory, wiping a tear from his eye. "Our findings were incredible. I recall we found a unique breed of Trametes versicolor. That was so cool."

"Oh yeah! And then a few hours later we found some Chorioactis! And it had just recently released its spores!"

"Oh my gosh, you're right. But then I had an allerg—"

"This is not relevant to anything!" Heather snapped.

Cameron smiled and gazed into Harold's eyes. "Harold, you taught me so much about myself. I'm a better person for having known you. You truly are the Mike to my Zoey."

"The Mike… to your Zoey?" Harold gasped. He tried to respond, but broke down instead, crying tears of happiness.

Cameron started to make his way forward again. However, he suddenly felt a cold hand on his shoulder. The bubble boy turned around to see Scarlett looming over him. The redhead was staring deep into his eyes, saying nothing. Then she slowly leaned forward, and began to whisper into his ear.

"This was not supposed to happen. You were supposed to be an important component, Cameron. I had big visions for us. I will unfortunately have to continue those visions without you, but I want you to know one thing. The ones who did this to you? They will all suffer." Scarlett pulled back, beaming. "I'll really miss you, Cam! You're a great friend!"

"I'll… miss you too, Scarlett," Cameron said, looking rattled. He turned around and walked over to the exit. Then he turned to Chris. "Um… what do I do now?"

"I don't know! Can't you see I still have two more campfire ceremonies to get to?" Chris snapped. "I can't babysit you, Cameron. Just stay here until we're done."

"Oh. Ok," Cameron said, awkwardly standing next to the host.

"Farther away from me."

"Oh. Sorry." Cameron started to shuffle away, but tripped over his own shoelace and collapsed on the ground.

Confession Cam

Courtney: I still can't believe I kissed that guy.

End of Confessionals

"Well, we've crushed one camper's dreams! Let's keep this train moving!" Chris reached into his podium and pulled out another plate – this one with four tubes of lipstick on it.

"OMG, we're getting lipstick?" Brick squealed. "I love lipstick!"

There was a long silence as everyone stared at him.

"…No, Brick, these are for Team Beauty," Chris said. The military buff hung his head in disappointment.

Meanwhile, Justin and Anne Maria were freaking out.

"Justin baby, you're gonna look soooo sexy wearing lipstick!" Anne Maria screeched. "This is what I've always dreamed about!"

"You don't have to tell me twice," Justin said, grinning confidently. "You take my amazingly luscious lips, and then you add a thick coat of shiny red lipstick to them? It's an unstoppable and deadly combo. Chris might just give me the million dollar check right then and there when he sees me wearing lipstick."

"I somehow doubt that," Chris said. He addressed the rest of the team. "All right, hotties! When I call your name, come up and choose your shade of lipstick."

"There are different shades?" Justin gasped. He looked around at his teammates, his eyes narrowed. "If there's a shade of red, none of you even think about taking it. Red is my color."

"Let's begin," Chris announced, picking up the plate. "First up... Anne Maria."

Anne Maria squealed. "Yay! I get the first pick!" She raced up to the front and started looking at the colors.

"HEY! I see you looking at the red! STOP THAT!" Justin shouted at her.

"Hmmm…" Anne Maria thought to herself, looking over the various shades of lipstick. "This is so tough. But I think I'm gonna choose… red!"

Justin threw his hands up in exasperation. "GOD DAMN IT!"

Anne Maria skipped back to her seat while Justin fumed.

"Moving along, the next tube of lipstick goes to…" Chris sighed before reading the next name. "…Topher."

"Oh, thank you, Chris!" Topher cried, running up to the podium. He grinned at the host. "Let me just say, this whole 'different safety items for each team' idea? Absolutely stupendous. This is the sort of innovation that keeps Total Drama on the cutting edge of reality TV. And you're its pioneer, Chris Mclean."

"They don't have a brown shade of lipstick, kiss ass!" Justin called out.

"No, but they do have another shade of red!" Topher gasped, picking up the tube. "Nice! I got the last one!"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Justin screamed. He glared at Chris. "Why did Anne Maria and Topher even get their names called before me? I should've been first! I'm way hotter than them!"

"The order of the votes is not in order of hotness, Justin," Chris explained. "It's in order of who received votes. Topher and Anne Maria received no votes, while you received one vote."

Justin turned and scowled at Dawn.

"Minimum impact vote, huh?" he hissed. "Now I don't get to wear red lipstick. Thanks a lot."

Dawn looked away guiltily.

"That being said, one vote is typically not enough to send you home, and it wasn't in this case," Chris continued. "So you're safe, Justin. Come on up and choose your shade of lipstick."

Shaking his head, Justin got up from his seat. He looked down at the two options in front of him and groaned.

"Well, this is just great. My options are black and green? Those are literally the two worst colors! Black will make me look goth, and green will make me look like I'm f**king Shrek. I refuse to take either of them out of principle."

Justin then turned around and stormed back to his seat to sulk.

"Charming, isn't he?" Chris chuckled. He turned his attention to the remaining two Beauties: Alejandro and Dawn. The Spaniard was confidently leaning back on his stump, while the moonchild was anxiously cradling a bunny.

The host held up the plate. "I have one tube of lipstick left."

"But there are two tubes of lipstick still on the plate," Alejandro pointed out.

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"QUE?" Alejandro gasped, turning to Dawn in shock.

Heather, meanwhile, did not look very surprised at all.

"No, Alejandro, I said Dawn," Chris corrected him. "Not 'K'. Who even is 'K'? I don't think anyone on this show goes by 'K'." He paused. "Unless you're referring to Katie, but I don't know why you would refer to her like that. She's not even on this season. Man, you look stupid right now." He turned to Dawn, who remained in her seat. "Are you not coming up to get your lipstick?"

Dawn shook her head. "Sorry, I'm against the cosmetics industry because of its extensive use of animal testing."

"Agreed," Chris said, placing the plate back on the podium. "Human testing is the way to go."

While everyone had their attention elsewhere, Brick quietly snuck over and snatched the two remaining lipstick tubes off the plate. Alejandro, meanwhile, was still trying to make sense of his blindside.

"I just don't understand!" he exclaimed in confusion. He turned to Justin. "We had a plan!"

"Sometimes appearances can be deceiving, Alejandro," Justin sneered. He stood up, addressing everyone. "I want you all to remember this! For too long, I've been the… the…" He trailed off. Justin then sat back down and sighed. "Nope, not feeling it. I was going to go into this big speech about how I've proven once and for all who the true 'sinister handsome guy' of the show is, and how everyone should fear my true potential. But I'm honestly still too shaken up about the whole lipstick debacle."

Alejandro turned to the others on his team. "You all voted for me as well? I thought I had built strong connections with you all!"

"Dude, you spent like five minutes with us in total," Topher said.

"I guess that's true," Alejandro sighed. He stood up and began making his way to the exit. "I'm afraid I have nobody but myself to blame. I became blinded by love. In fact, I sacrificed everything for love. But in doing so, I not only alienated my teammates; but also, ironically, the love of my life." He gazed at Heather. "I'm sorry, mi amor. I should have been a better lover to you. I should've been a better man."

"Alejandro! Wait!" Heather cried, standing up from her seat. She ran towards her boyfriend and embraced him. Then she grabbed his head and pulled him into a long, passionate kiss.

"Aww…." Brick swooned, applying a shade of black lipstick as he watched.

Alejandro stared at Heather, surprised. "You just kissed me… in front of people! Are you ok?" He felt her forehead. "Is something wrong? Are you sick?"

"Now that you're out of the game, I don't want to hide what we have anymore!" Heather proclaimed, gazing into Alejandro's eyes. "I want people to know how I feel. And I love you, Alejandro Burromuerto."

Alejandro's eyes widened.

"…Really?" he whispered, his voice quavering. Heather nodded, and Alejandro burst into tears. "Oh, Heather! I love you too!"

"Oh, ALEJANDRO! KISS ME!"

The two kissed again, as Courtney and Jo groaned. Heather pulled away and sighed.

"I only wish we could've spent more time together in this game… I'll really miss you, Alejandro." She turned away. "I don't know if I'll be able to do this without you."

Alejandro grabbed her firmly by the shoulders and looked sternly into her eyes.

"No! You must go on, Heather. You can win this game for the both of us. I'll be watching and cheering for you back home."

Heather smirked as they hugged again. "Well, if you insist."

Confession Cam

Heather: Did I play it up a bit for everyone? (She laughs.) Duh. After all, my boyfriend going home early can definitely gain me some sympathy points. (She shrugs.) While I guess I'm sad for Alejandro, I actually think him getting voted off could be really good for us. (She pauses.) Well, not for him. But definitely for me. Now I can just play my own game and not have to worry about him causing any problems. Honestly, it's kind of a relief.

End of Confessionals

Alejandro and Heather continued to make out near the exit, while Cameron awkwardly stood next to them.

"Well, that was disappointing," Chris sighed, watching the couple. "I was hoping for Alejandro's dreams to get more crushed than that. It seems like he pretty much got what he wanted." He turned to Team Brawn. "However, I think whoever goes home among you psychos will be very bitter."

The host clapped his hands, and Chef walked in, carrying a giant plate. On the plate were fifty-pound metal dumbbells.

Eva started to salivate at sight of the workout equipment. "It's… beautiful…"

"I would've preferred makeup, to be honest," said Brick, now wearing a full coat of black lipstick.

Chris beckoned to the plate. "Brawns, when you hear your name, Chef will toss you a dumbbell. Ready?"

"Wait!" Jo intervened. "He shouldn't be throwing those at us! They're huge!"

"Heads up!" Chris shouted as Chef hurled a dumbbell right at Jo. The jock-ette just managed to dive to the ground to avoid getting hit. Jo glared up at Chris and Chef as she lay in the dirt.

"That could've killed me!" she seethed.

"Or you could've just caught it," Chris countered. "Who's really at fault here? Anyway, Jo gets her dumbbell automatically for having won immunity. Who else will join her? The next dumbbell goes to… Brick." The host did a double-take at the sight of the cadet. "You look... different."

Brick was putting green lipstick on over his black lipstick when the dumbbell slammed into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

"Next up, we have…" Chris peered down at his note cards, puzzled. "Huh. That's odd. Well, I was not expecting this. The next dumbbell goes to Tyler."

Tyler stood up cheered. "WOOHOO! PLACE AT THE TABLE!" To the surprise of no one, he was immediately hit in the head with his dumbbell, knocking him unconscious again.

"…And just like that, we're down to our bottom two," Chris said, looking at Jasmine and Eva.

Eva looked around, confused. "Wait, how am I here?"

Chris shrugged. "Why are you asking me that question?" He beckoned to the plate that Chef was holding. "One dumbbell left, two massive ladies. But which massive lady will also become a massive loser? Let's find out. The final dumbbell goes to…

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Everyone immediately turned and looked at Eva, preparing for an outburst. However, the muscular girl started to laugh instead.

"Good one, Chris," she chuckled. "Now tell us the real results. Jasmine's going home, right?"

"Nope. You are. You have been eliminated, Eva."

Jasmine turned to Eva, looking sympathetic. "Sorry, Eva. Once I found out you were coming after me, I kinda had to vote for you, y'know?"

Eva stopped laughing now. She slowly turned around to Jo.

"….You voted for Jasmine, right?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Nah, I voted for you," Jo said nonchalantly. "We all voted for you."

"But... I thought..."

"You thought wrong, my friend. That whole 'Jasmine' plan was just to get you to calm down and think you weren't going home. But you were always going home."

Eva slowly stood up, staring at Jo. "You… lied to me?" The rest of the campers began to back away.

"Don't act like you didn't lie to me," Jo shot back. "You told me Jasmine was coming after me. Right off-the-bat, it sounded like complete BS. Then all I had to do was ask Jasmine about it to know it was BS. After that, I knew you were not to be trusted. So you had to go."

"But… how do you know Jasmine wasn't lying about me being a liar?"

"Because I already knew you were a liar anyway. You lied about being tranq'ed that whole time at the start, didn't you? You weren't actually unconscious."

Eva gasped. "What?! How do you know about that?"

"You gave it away so easily," Jo laughed. "You kept mentioning details that you would've had no way of knowing about unless you'd been awake for them. Next time you try such a ludicrous plan, at least get your story straight."

Eva's voice was starting to rise. "You… betrayed me! That's what you did! You betrayed me!"

"Get over yourself," Jo scoffed. "I didn't 'betray you'. Nobody 'betrayed you'. You're just an awful player with no self-awareness, and it's time you accepted that."

"Awful… player…?" Eva repeated, staring off into the distance. She slowly looked back at Jo. Then her face suddenly filled with rage. "I'LL SHOW YOU AWFUL PLAYER!"

"And there we go," Chris said to Chef. "I knew Eva would deliver the goods."

"YOU'LL ALL PAY FOR THIS!" Eva yelled at the other Brawns, who continued to back away from her. "YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?!"

"Saying things loudly doesn't make you more intimidating," Jo said, standing in front of her.

"I'LL SHOW YOU INTIMIDATING!" Eva roared. Shaking with fury, she grabbed one of the dumbbells, lifted it up in front of her, and ripped it in half.

That was enough to make Jo decide to back away. As Eva continued to destroy random objects, Brick took a step forward.

"Hey, Eva!" he called out, trying to comfort her. "Maybe you can look on the bright side! Didn't you get voted out second on your first season? Technically speaking, you got voted out third this season! That's an improvement!"

"F**K YOU!" Eva shouted at Brick. She picked up a javelin and hurled it at the cadet, who screamed and ducked as it whizzed over his head. Brick glanced behind him to see the javelin sticking out of a pole. He turned back to Eva, his eyes wide and lower lip trembling.

"W-why did you do that?" he asked. "W-what did I say?"

"We've all been there," Courtney said to Brick with a sigh.

Chris, meanwhile, tentatively approached Eva from behind.

"Hey, Eva. Look, we get that you're working through some pretty intense feelings right now. But we can't have you trying to kill the other campers with random materializing javelins. So if you don't chill out, we're going to have to tranq you again."

"HA! THOSE TRANQ DARTS DON'T WORK ON ME! THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO—"

Eva was cut off as Chef whacked her over the head with a frying pan. The workout enthusiast wobbled around for a few seconds, before crashing down onto the ground, unconscious.

"Ah yes." Chris nodded with approval at Chef's frying pan. "The old-fashioned way of tranqing." He looked back at the campers, who had all backed up to the edges of the campfire pit. "Well, I think that we can all agree that was an exciting way to cap off the night."

"You guys really need to stop exploiting the mentally ill on your show," Courtney said.

"Buzzkill, much? Anyways, you all can head out for the night. Sweet dreams, campers!"

Topher stepped forward. "Wait! We're forgetting the most important part! You're supposed to unveil the new elimination device!"

Chris shook his head. "Actually, you don't get to see that yet. That's for a later time."

"Are you serious? That's such blue balls! You can't end a campfire ceremony without the climax!"

But everyone was already heading out, eager to head to bed. Topher dejectedly followed the rest of Team Beauty as they left.

Brick was the last to leave out of everyone, looking completely out of it.

Confession Cam

Brick: I don't… understand… (He is curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth.) Why did Eva throw the javelin at me? What made her decide to do that? (He gasps.) Am I… a bad teammate?

End of Confessionals

The campfire area was empty now, save for Alejandro, Cameron, and Eva's unconscious body.

"Gosh, I hope the elimination device isn't too crazy this time…" Cameron murmured nervously.

"It can't be any worse than a giant demonic toilet that somehow transports you to various places around the world," Alejandro pointed out.

"That is very true."

Chris returned to the campfire area, waving at them.

"Hello, losers! How's your intense shame and humiliation treatin' ya?"

Cameron smiled. "I'm actually feeling pretty good, Chris, all things considered. I mean, I've already won this show. So going home early this time around really isn't that big of a deal."

Alejandro nodded. "Same. Like Cameron, I've made it far on multiple seasons already. Plus, I still have Heather to root for."

"Wow, you guys suck," Chris groaned. "Stop being so at peace with your fate! It's really annoying."

"So what now?" Alejandro asked. "I assume we are headed home soon? Preferably not through f**king toilet this time."

"Not quite," Chris answered, his eyes lighting up. "We still have one last order of business. We need to find out which one of you is actually going home."

"Huh?" Cameron gasped. "What do you mean, 'actually'?"

Alejandro's eyes widened. "You don't mean…"

"That's exactly what I mean!" Chris declared, turning to the camera. "That's right! This is not the end of the road for everyone here. Because two of these three contestants will be returning to the game!"

Who will earn another shot at the million?

How will the others react when they return?

What will happen at exile?

Specifically, what will DUNCAN do at exile?

Will Courtney stay true to her vow to Heather?

Will Dawn keep pissing off Justin?

And how many more concussions can Tyler get before we put him on life support?

See all that and more on the next exciting episode of:

TOTAL DRAMA: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY!

NEXT TIME: It's an intense battle to get back in the game, and a sleepover from hell on exile.

Team Breakdown:

Team Brains: Harold, Courtney, Noah, Heather, Scarlett

Team Brawns: Jo, Duncan, Brick, Jasmine, Tyler

Team Beauties: Sugar, Anne Maria, Topher, Justin, Dawn

Eliminated (?): Cameron, Alejandro, Eva

Voting Breakdown:

Team Brains

Harold: Cameron

Courtney: Cameron

Heather: Cameron

Cameron: Courtney

Scarlett: Courtney

Cameron: 3

Courtney: 2

Team Beauty

Alejandro: Dawn

Anne Maria: Alejandro

Topher: Alejandro

Justin: Alejandro

Dawn: Justin

Alejandro: 3

Dawn: 1

Justin: 1

Team Brawn

Eva: Jasmine

Jo: Eva

Brick: Eva

Jasmine: Eva

Tyler: Eva

Eva: 4

Jasmine: 1

A Message from the Cheesebub: So yeah, another ridiculously long update time, as is customary. But hopefully those of you who are still around and read this chapter enjoyed it! Feel free to let me know in a review which characters you want to return and let me know what you thought of the first episode as a whole! Until next time – hopefully in way less than a year from now!