~22~

~Chapter Twenty-Two~

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'cause I know that you feel me somehow

~Goo Goo Dolls, Iris~

I don't want to be here.

Playing a passive role in our newly healed trio.

Sitting in the middle of a department store, waiting for Elena and Caroline to emerge from their dressing rooms is not exactly how I envisioned my Saturday going. But here I am, in a show of support for my two best friends. I think back to a time when I would have enjoyed a shopping spree, trying on as many articles of clothing I desired. Those days are long gone.

I stare at the racks of dresses in front of me. The green ottoman outside of fitting rooms gives me a clear view of all the things that will never fit me the same way again. A long bohemian-style dress catches my eye. It manages to be both form-fitting and flowing, at least that is how it appears to fit on the mannequin. I love the light floral pattern, it's simple and dainty. Too bad I can't wear it. I suddenly find myself wishing I were attending the Sadie Hawkins dance. Elena and Stefan are obviously going together, and Caroline has decided to ask Tyler.

I suppose I could have invited Damon to go with me, but I don't think I can handle much more of the blatant gawking. Ever since our make-out session in the park, something has completely changed in our behaviors around our group. We haven't made our relationship "official." At least, we haven't outright said anything about the status of our romantic feelings for one another. Though Caroline is dying for confirmation that our UST has transformed into resolved sexual tension. We've still been hanging out regularly, though watching movies and pillow fighting feels a lot more intimate now and he will kiss my cheek or put a hand around my waist at school. That, of course, earns us many confused looks from people who are more interested in the rumors flying around than actually getting accurate information.

Both Elena and Caroline have sworn up and down that they aren't the cause of the whispers, that they haven't told anyone that Damon and I are romantically involved (despite appearances). and, at first, I didn't believe them. Especially because Elena still has a hard time concealing the bitter look in her eyes every time Damon displays any sort of affection for me. But they were so vehement about the whole thing, that I dropped the matter. I also came to realize that the gossip mill is probably running on the goofy smile I get on my face whenever Damon is nearby. Well, that and my recent weight gain is probably why I'm now the center of attention.

"So, what do you think?"

I tear my gaze away from the dress. Elena is standing in front of me, hands on her hips. The outfit she is wearing resembles the one she wore to the Homecoming dance last month. A simple, short white dress with lace accents.

"I like it, but don't you want to try something a little different? Like maybe the same dress in black?" I'm aware that my advice likely bought me another hour of sitting here, but the least I can do is be honest.

She nods thoughtfully. "Good idea, Bon!"

I accompany her over to the rack where she found the original dress. I begin combing through the various dresses, hoping to find one in black that is Elena's size. I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy when I come across one. I can't fit in these anymore.

I hand over the hanger. "This will look great with your black heels!"

"Thanks, Bonnie. I'm glad you're here." She wraps me in another one of her hugs. She's been giving me a lot of those lately.

"You're welcome."

"Are you going to ask Damon?"

I regard her suspiciously. She is peering at me earnestly. "To the dance?"

"In the words of one Caroline Forbes: duh."

We begin walking back over to the dressing rooms. "I don't think so. I mean, I think it's unrealistic."

"I don't think so," Elena counters. "You need to have a little fun."

"I second that!" Care says, approaching us. She is wearing a champagne-colored dress. There is a deep cut-out on the torso. It's the kind of outfit only Caroline Forbes could pull off. She looks gorgeous.

"That's the one for you!" I give her a thumbs-up. "Tyler's mouth is going to be on the floor!"

"You think?" She is beaming.

I nod eagerly. "I know so."

Elena turns to face our blonde-haired friend. "Don't you think Bonnie should ask Damon to the dance?"

"Duh!"

"See?" Elena looks at me triumphantly. "You should do it!"

I place my arms across my chest and glare. "Oh yeah? And wear what exactly?"

"Whatever you want!" Care trills.

"Except I can't fit in anything I want." I chew on the inside of my cheek. "I can't even afford it. I have to save what I have. Something tells me my mom won't want to throw me a baby shower."

"Well, you don't have to make a choice now," Elena tells me. "Just think about it."

"Okay," I say, but I don't think I mean it.

And then we pass my worst nightmare: the maternity department. I see blouses, t-shirts, jeans, slacks, sweaters, and even sweatpants. The women in the advertisement hanging on the wall look so happy. Glowing, like this, is the best thing ever. I wish I could have that. Instead, I'm stuck with conspicuous looks, laughs, and the disappointment of my father. I'm surprised he didn't make a big deal about me going out with Care and Elena.

Caroline grabs my arm and leads me into the dreaded section. Elena trails close behind. "Just try something on. Have fun, you don't have to buy anything." Care smiles at me hopefully.

"Fine." I relent because while I don't want to go, a very small part of me wants to have a few carefree experiences before I don't have a chance anymore. I've spent so much time trying to achieve academic glory that the easy moments seem far and few between. And in a short while, my priorities are going to change drastically.

We scour the shelves, display tables, and racks. It takes us a while to find anything I like. Elena is the first one to spot something I would deem wearable.

"This is Bonnie Bennett." She shows me a lavender, lace maxi dress. It has a slit up the side. I would love to be able to wear something like this. I might have even selected it despite the amount of leg it shows if I weren't pregnant.

But I am. So, I can't. "Elena…"

"Please, Bon! You'll look great and it's even on clearance."

This is just for fun, I remind myself. I take the hanger and head into the dressing room. I try not to look in the mirror as I get undressed. I hate feeling so uncomfortable in my own body, but there's nothing I can do about it right now. And then I lock eyes with my reflection. The dress fits well. It's not tight, which is a relief. It's the perfect length and the off-the-shoulder sleeves are not as revealing as I thought they would be. Even the slit wasn't as high as I predicted.

I look nice.

I don't feel as nervous as I did before agreeing to this. I have regained some of my confidence, if only for the moment.

"Bonnie, you look amazing!"

Elena grins. "I was right. It's perfect!"

"I guess. It does look better than my current wardrobe."

"You should buy it!" Caroline holds the tag up. "Twenty-two dollars—I'm getting it for you."

"You don't need to do that, Care. I'm probably not going to go to the dance."

"You could save it for something else," Elena suggests. "You never know what might come up."

Well, that sounds suspicious. "Like what?"

"Don't worry about it." They say in unison.

Elena ushers me back into the dressing room. I put my jeans back on and pray that the button doesn't come flying off. Super-stretch fabric, my ass. She grabs the dress as soon as I drape it over the door.

By the time I'm ready to leave the stall, both Elena and Caroline are waiting for me, three garment bags between them.

Care thrusts one of them into my hands. "All yours!"

"Thank you," I say quietly. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, yes I did."

And then we link arms and leave the store. I push away the weird feeling that warns me my friends are up to something.

~~X~~

"Don't you have something to ask me?"

I shut my locker door and turn to face Damon. He's propping himself up against the wall. Leather jacket slung over his shoulder, black t-shirt and jeans accentuating all of his good attributes. I'm struck by how glaring my attraction to him has become. Objectively, I had always known he was good-looking, but his annoying tendencies have always overshadowed that—until recently.

I think this over. Yes, I did have a few things I wanted to discuss with him. Some practical and some… not. But nothing I feel comfortable talking about at school.

"Nope."

He raises his eyebrows. "Surely there must be something."

"Fine." I throw my hands up in exasperation. "Have you come up with any ideas on how I should break the news to the people who gave me life that I want to be a mother at eighteen... officially?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what do you mean?"

"God, if you want something done right you have to do it yourself. Bonnie Bennett, you are so frustrating, but you are also amazing, smart, and kind. Sure, your judgmental, and uptight, but you're also funny and beautiful and—"

"I'm confused. Are you trying to compliment me or knock my self-esteem down a few pegs?"

Damon rolls his eyes. "I'm trying to ask you to ask me to the dance."

I blink in stunned silence.

"You know, by this time most girls are swooning and jumping into my arms."

"It has been five seconds."

"I'm aware."

"Damon—I would love to ask you to the dance. God, I must be on drugs or something."

He chuckles. "Again, not the normal response, but I'll take it."

And then he kisses me. Much like the way I've grown to expect from him during a commercial break or cease-fire on our ongoing pillow wars. Sudden and swift. The kind of kiss that catches me off guard, one that somehow lingers long after it's over.

"… but I don't feel like going to a dance right now. Can we have a movie night instead?"

"You want to miss out on your last chance to go to a Sadie Hawkins dance with me?" he feigns disappointment.

"You say that like there was us every other year. Besides, you have more than enough time to try and convince me to go with you to prom."

He stomps his foot childishly. "You suck!"

"You wish," I say sarcastically.

"This isn't over with, Bennett. You will dance with me."

"You hate school-organized events."

"I hate being rejected even more." Damon counters.

I giggle—I can't stop myself. The fake expression of hurt is hilarious. "I'm not rejecting you; I'm rejecting your idea."

"Feels like the same thing to me," he mutters.

I stand on my tiptoes, kissing him on the cheek. "It isn't."

He wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in a hug.

When he pulls away, I'm once again speechless. "I'll see you later, Bon Bon." And then he saunters down the hallway toward Mr. Saltzman's history class.

I can feel the smile spreading across my face. Who would have guessed that Damon Salvatore and I would ever become this close?

On Friday afternoon, I head over to Elena's house. The three of us decided to meet there after school. After my last class, I went straight there, not bothering to stop at my own house. I don't particularly feel like listening to Dad make comments about how let down he feels by my current actions and choices, how my college acceptance letters should be arriving sooner than I think.

Jeremy answers the door before I even get a chance to ring the bell.

He is dressed in black pants and a button-down shirt. His anxious expression turns into a small grin when he sees me.

"Bonnie! I thought you were Anna." His smile turns sheepish.

"Disappointed?" I raise an eyebrow accusingly.

He laughs at my attempt at seriousness. "Only a little bit."

Jeremy is Elena's younger brother, aged fifteen. Elena used to swear he had a crush on me because I'm the one that talked her into letting him play with us when we were kids. Thankfully, he has had his eye on one of his fellow sophomores, Anna Zhu. Otherwise known as my stand-in on the cheer squad. Anna had rejected his invitation to the Homecoming dance (she said she wanted to focus on practicing her routines) but had been more than happy to go out to dinner with him the following week. And the following weeks as well. According to Elena, he walked around the house with a lovesick smile on his face after Anna asked him to this dance.

"Well, I'm always overjoyed to see you, Jer."

He doesn't answer me. Jeremy goes from making eye contact with me to looking over my shoulder. Anna is making her way up the driveway. She looks pretty—hair pulled back and a huge grin on her face.

I step aside so she can see Jeremy.

A look of pure adoration crosses her features.

I tell them to have a great night, reminding them both that they are incredibly lucky to have each other and go to Elena's bedroom.

She is sitting at her vanity, applying mascara to her lashes. Caroline is stepping into her heels. I go and lay on Elena's bed, kicking my shoes off and propping my feet up on the pile of blankets at the foot of her mattress.

There is an air of joy surrounding my friends. I feel content. I never ended up asking Damon to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance with me. His ploy didn't sway me and neither did Caroline and Elena's. I hadn't seen the point. Throughout his high school career, he hasn't gone to a single after school event. I can't imagine that he'd truly want to deviate from that now. I'm half-convinced that his asking of me to ask him was another conspiracy theory between him and my more devious friend. So, when I get home, I'm going to rent a movie and eat popcorn, hoping that my parents will be otherwise occupied, and Damon won't complain about my film selection.

"Would you mind driving us to Stefan's house?"

It takes me a moment to realize Elena is speaking to me.

"It's just that my car doesn't have enough gas to get Care and me there."

"My car needs an oil change," Caroline chimes in.

My first instinct is to remind them that the Salvatore's home is within walking distance—like most places in Mystic Falls—but I change my mind at the last second. "Sure. I can do that."

"You're the best, Bonnie!"

"Tell me something I don't know," I say, fishing my keys from my pocket. "Elena gets shotgun—you don't get to complain about my music choices, Care."

She opens her mouth to protest but closes it when Elena comes over to high-five me. I think she's just glad we can be in the same room again. "Fine."

That doesn't stop her from making snarky and/or childish comments en route to the Salvatore reference, voice barely audible over my Adele CD.

"Come on, Bonnie!" Caroline whines as I pull into the driveway. "We just want you to take one picture for us."

"I know you, Care. It's never just one picture with you."

Pretty please?" She clasps her hands together. "With a cherry on top?"

I sigh in defeat. "Okay… okay… I'll do it."

They practically drag me up the perfectly manicured yard and through the front doors—they don't even bother to knock. And to top it off, the foyer is empty. I don't see Stefan or Tyler. No Damon or Mr. Salvatore either.

"I can't take pictures if nobody is here." I fold my arms across my chest and tap my foot.

"We should check upstairs!" says Elena, as if it's the most ingenious plan ever.

"That's intrusive."

Apparently, I signed over my free will when I crossed the threshold because they lead me up the staircase despite my protests. They pull me down the hallway and past several tables covered in lace tablecloths and vases of flowers. We stop at the last door. It has a sign with my name on it.

Elena opens it. It reveals Damon's bedroom. There is his giant bed smack-dab in the middle and I can see that signature jacket lying on his desk chair. When I look to my immediate left I see my new dress hanging on his closet door.

"Did Damon break into my house?" I jab my finger at the offending outfit.

"No, we did." Says Caroline.

Elena shoots her a look. "Your parents let us in."

"I don't want to be the ogled at."

"We know. " Elena assures me. "We aren't going to school. We are going out in the backyard. Just get ready."

"Okay…" I say cautiously.

They leave the room and I find myself slipping the dress on. I don't know what to think. I'm not mad… but there is a knot in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. Thankfully, I did my hair before school this morning. My makeup bag is sitting on Damon's dresser. I fix a few smudges and reapply my lip gloss. I throw the flats Elena and Caroline brought for me on my feet and leave the room.

Damon is standing right by the sliding glass door. The backyard is decorated beautifully. Tea lights are strung from the trees. The gazebo is also decked out in them. There is a long table off to the side. It's covered with a white tablecloth and all of my favorite foods. Iced tea and lemonade are inside of two mason jars. A little dance floor sits in the middle of the yard. A soft song is playing on an iPhone that is docked on a set of speakers.

Elena, Stefan, Caroline, and Tyler are conversing by the gazebo. When I exit the house, Damon extends his hand in my direction. I take it immediately. I appraise him. He's wearing a black dress shirt and pants.

"You clean up nice," he says with a slight smile.

"I could say the same about you," I reply. "Did you do all of this?"

"They helped a little bit." He nods at his brother and my best friends.

"Thank you!" I call over to them. I turn to Damon. "And thank you." I kiss him on the cheek.

"Don't mention it."

"I wouldn't want your manly reputation ruined."

"My thoughts exactly." He hugs me and I rest my head on his chest.

I look up at him. "Damon…"

He meets my eyes. "Don't worry about anything right now. I'm not. Just enjoy tonight."

I sigh, but I also know he makes a point. Soon, there won't be any time for makeshift dances or late-night movies or onion ring runs.

For once, I have no problem listening to Damon.