The sunsets seemed so bitter now that Ashley had watched so many alone. It used to be a favorite activity, one that she shared with Fenris every night up until recently. Both of them had been through trauma. The sunsets were always a reminder that they were free. It was a small thing but Ashley still cherished it. Especially since his exile. It was all she could hope for now; that he was watching the same sunset...wherever he was...
She sighed heavily as she brought her glass to her ruby red lips. Even the damned wine reminded her of him. Well, it was his favorite after all. Ashley couldn't help but smile at the memory the taste conjured. It was their first kiss...a tense and forbidden moment in the darkest, furthest corner of the maze. She couldn't even remember who kissed who to be honest. It didn't seem to matter after their walls came crumbling down and they let go of their anxieties and fears. After what happened in Lothering, she vowed never to open her heart again, never to trust anyone again. But there she was, completely and totally open to him, unafraid of the potential consequences.
When she first met him, she was certain she was going to have to kill him. He had been sent to assassinate her, after all. A punishment for her father daring to defy Danarius. Fenris never did tell her why he didn't go through with it. He had all the opportunity. She was alone in her room, sleeping soundly for the first time in months. He was standing right here on this balcony. Maker only knows for how long. When she woke up, he entered her room only with her permission. She was still very guarded then, she only noticed vaguely that this strange man in her room had any attractive qualities to him. When he so openly explained what he was sent there to do and why, Ashley assumed it was some kind of game.
"A terrible way to play a game." He quipped with that damned smirk, "To tell your opponent to ready their guard."
Maker did she miss his voice. He somehow had the innate ability to both arouse or comfort her just by talking. He used to think it was odd that she just wanted to hear him talk sometimes. But he understood. It reminded her that he was still there. It grounded her somehow, made her feel safe. He was strong and resilient in ways that she could only pretend to be.
He used to sneak out of the Viscount's Keep every night just to sit on this chair with her and talk. About everything and anything. For such drastically different upbringings and backgrounds, they had a surprising amount of things in common. They used to laugh about the stupidest things. Like when he told her stories of the magister that lived in her manor before her family. The man was apparently so large that the city was fully convinced that he ate his failed apprentices. He had all of the furniture custom made to accommodate just how large he was. It worked out in their favor in the end. The late magister's eccentricities left them with a sturdy rocking chair that comfortably fit a pair of average sized people.
But now Fenris's spot on the chair was empty. It felt like a painful, hollow void. Even her faithful Mabari hound wouldn't sit in the spot. Ashley felt for poor Sadie. She had just begun to accept Fenris's presence when he was exiled...
Ashley reached down and scratched behind Sadie's ear. The mabari groaned appreciatively. "At least I still have you."
Sadie shifted onto her side, revealing her bright red collar, emblazoned with the Hawke family crest on her tags. It was made from the same fabric as the ribbon that Fenris wore around his wrist. Ashley couldn't help but snicker a little at that memory. Who knew that Mr. Broody Pants would turn out to be such a softie? It was quite the over-dramatic gesture at the time.
She had been teaching him how to read for a good few weeks then. The first story he read to her was about a knight in shining armor, rescuing a beautiful princess from a tower. They'd both had far too much wine, had grown far too comfortable in each other's company. It was the first night that they'd let themselves drop the facade of polite cordiality, for at least a little while. In his drunken rant, he had insisted that Ashley was a fair maiden-princess of renowned beauty and thus he had to rescue her.
She should have been scared when he led her out to the dark corner of the maze. But Fenris always felt like safety and comfort. She trusted him completely, far earlier than was logical by any standard. She was certain that even if she died out there tonight, it'd be in a happy, carefree moment. But there was no fight, no battle, no assassination attempt...just a kiss.
It was such a strong, important memory. One of the very few good ones she's had in a long while now. That moment changed everything for them. A secret friendship was one thing. But a romance-a true romance was dangerous. Feelings made you vulnerable, made you reckless. No doubt Danarius had drilled that into Fenris just like Malcolm had done to Ashley upon their arrival. And knowing that their fathers were entangled in a thinly veiled war with one another made it all the more risky. Could they really trust each other? Could this really work?
They parted on a rather dramatic and romantic note that night. With whispers of sweet nothings and promises of undying devotion. But after he was gone, Ashley couldn't help but wonder...was it real? Would he really care about her in the morning? And even if he did, how long would it last? It feels wonderful now, but it is really worth it?
She had prepared herself to end their little relationship the next night. But when she saw him standing on her balcony again, with a bashful smile on his face and an uncharacteristic cautiousness in his eyes, her resolve broke. She couldn't do it, Maker damn her but she was weak. And then he just had to sheepishly give her the pendant...
"A favor for a favor?" A pained look crossed his face, his bashful smile faded only slightly. He scratched at the back of his neck, looking away from her for a moment.
Ashley turned the pendant over in her palm. "Fenris, this-it's beautiful, you shouldn't have..."
"I didn't. It, uh," He sighed, fidgeting with a loosening button on his jacket. "It's just something I've always had. It was made for me, supposedly. But I, uh...I want you to have it...If you want it, that is...?"
It was only then that Ashley realized that he was now wearing that silly ribbon around his wrist. He'd folded it so that her family crest was visible only on the inside of his forearm. It was a huge risk that he had taken. That was definitely the kind of thing that Danarius wouldn't easily miss. Fenris was declaring his relationship openly, to anyone who dared look close enough. She damn near melted thinking about the amount of trust he had just placed in her. The other houses scrutinized all of Danarius's heirs like it was a religious mandate, it wouldn't be long before their relationship was publicly known.
He clearly noticed her gaze, her hesitation. It made doubt swell up in him. He shuffled on his feet, contemplating whether it was a good idea to swan dive off the balcony right now. "I'm sorry, this is all wrong. I didn't mean to-"
"Fenris," Ashley gently guided him to look down at her again. She gave him a reassuring smile as she fastened the pendant around her neck. When it was properly displayed, she brought her gaze up to stare into his eyes. "I trust you, too."
It wasn't the thing that she wanted to say. But it was really, truly, way too soon for that.
As she fiddled with the wolf pendant now, she let her mind wander to the message she'd received earlier that evening. The one that had prompted her to drink melancholy-flavored wine in a spot filled with bittersweet memories. She had been skeptical at first. What could the White Divine ever want with an Imperial Magister? And why her? But his proposal was...interesting to say the least...
The very thought of it all repulsed her to nausea at first. But now as she looked at the waning sunset, all she could see was her hope dying. If Fenris was still alive, he'd surely have made it back by now...how long should she really wait? The emotional part of her answered without hesitation, "Forever."
"It doesn't hurt to hear him out." Leandra had said as carefully as she could manage. "If you can agree to certain terms, it could give you key resources that no other magister can access."
Ashley had a sudden fire behind her eyes as she glared at her mother. "And what of Fenris?"
"Sweetheart-"
"No!"
Leandra took a cautious step towards her eldest daughter, extending a hand to rest on her shoulder slowly. "You may never love again. And you will never forget him. But you are allowed to move on."
Ashley allowed the contact, but didn't soften to her approach. "He's not dead, mother."
"And if that's true then he'll waltz right in here one day soon. He'll sweep you off your feet and you'll have your happily ever after-for as long as that lasts. And when that happens, you can tell him that this alliance brought you the means you needed to take Danarius down once and for all. Wouldn't he want that?"
"Not if...this...is the price!"
"Fenris is a smart young man, he would understand."
Ashley shook her head bitterly. "You don't know him."
"But you do, I know. And ultimately it's your decision, Magister." Leandra backed away again, an emotionless expression taking over her face again. She nodded curtly to her before leaving Ashley in her all-too-empty bedroom.
She glanced absently at the clock in the corner of the tablet. It had been well over two hours, now. A decision needed to be made, especially since he knew that the message had been received. There was a logic in Leandra's argument that Ashley couldn't deny. It was a cold, calculating type of logic. But it was there nonetheless. It reminded her breifly of how far the both of them had fallen from their normal selves. When Ashley had told her about Fenris, she was overjoyed. All she could talk about was how it was so nice to see Ashley in love again. She damn near wouldn't shut up about how it was so great to see Ashley following her heart.
But Malcolm's death took the light out of her life and Garrett's exile just compounded it. Now, this was the new normal. Leandra was seemingly reduced to the careless nobles she despised in her upbringing. Now her counseling was only ever revolving around how the Hawke family can rise in power and status.
Ashley tried hard to focus back to the task at hand as she flicked the tablet back on again. She made sure to scan over the message a few more times to make sure she had a complete understanding of the situation. Sadie stirred and whined in her sleep at her feet, nuzzling her human's leg absentmindedly. She took a small bit of comfort in knowing that at least she had one truly faithful companion to count on. If this didn't turn out the way that she hoped...perhaps Sadie could at least take a chunk out of the Divine for Fenris.
Sadie huffed contently in her sleep, making Ashley smile just slightly. "Definitely smarter than your average tax collector."
With a sigh, she pulled up the private chatting app and called her mother. Leandra appeared to let it ring until just before she'd miss the call. She opened the video to see Ashley rolling her eyes.
Leandra put on perhaps the most counterfeit smile that Ashley had ever seen from her. "My darling daughter, are you currently incapable of speaking to me in person or are you simply attempting to aggravate me?"
A multitude of juvenile expletives threatened to pop right out of Ashley's mouth but by small bit of Andraste's mercy she was able to hold her tongue. "I've made a decision regarding the Divine's...request."
The older woman's expression sharpened with interest. "And what decision is that?"
Ashley glanced at Fenris's empty spot, praying that she'd be able to find a way to explain this all to him in a way that wouldn't make him hate her. "I want you to arrange for further negotiations."
A proud smile beamed across Leandra's face. "A wise decision, my daughter."
"That..." She fiddled unconsciously with the silver wolf pendant as she overlooked the now darkened grounds of the estate. "remains to be seen..."