Chapter 1

I was walking along the trail that led behind our house. I did this often to clear my head. It was safe right now. The threat of the evil redhead had been extinguished and she no longer controlled me. Victoria was now with her mate, James, and was a pile of ash scattered to the four winds. I was not there to see it. Jake told me about it. Like he told me about a lot of things lately. I felt like these days I was to be seen and not heard because sometimes what I said did not always go with what the Quilette thought. God knows we have to do as they say. Why did I have to go and marry him? Yes, I was lonely. Yes I thought I loved him. I know he loves me enough for both of us. Yes I knew it made Charlie happy. Charlie. Dad. Daddy?

Sometimes you have to wonder what a girl becomes when she is no longer a Daddy's girl. I'm not. Not for almost 6 months now. 6 months? Time has a way of flying by when every day seems to be a long endless session of remorse and regret. Remorse for the death of my father and regret that I could not reach him in enough time. Why did he go to the reservation without help, why did he go to First Beach without backup and why Paul phased too close to him? By the time I reached him, once the other wolves let me pass, Charlie, my Daddy, was already gone. I wanted to lash out at Paul, it was his fault after all. Do you think the rest of the pack believed that? No, of course they didn't. As per usual, it was all Cullen's fault. If they had killed the redhead like they were supposed to, if they had not gotten involved with Bella in the first place, on and on it went. They were to blame for the wolves who were created. They were to blame for my nightmares, for my loneliness, for my lack of commitment to the man who loved me. The man who told me that I was his imprint.

Imprint. It's a seven letter word to describe what a mate of a shapeshifter is supposed to be. Sam had Emily. Paul had Rachel. Jarod had Kim and Quil had Claire. The latter is different from the former three. Quil is more of a brotherly protector of Claire. The romantic love is not there yet but would be one day, if the other three are any indication. Jake says that I am his. That I am the center of his universe and that everything shifted when he felt it for me. He tells me that the reason it took so long for me to feel it was because HE had his control over me so firmly that it was hard for me to let things go. HE had some sort of mind thing that made me think that HE was my mate and that no other could replace him. Jake told me that HE was wrong. That Edward was wrong.

Edward. Edward. Edward. I could now say or think his name without falling to pieces. In fact it rather calmed me. I could think about him and our life together with ease. But I could not do this if Jake was near me. Somehow Jake knew when I thought about Edward. Even though I had done as Edward had asked and married another, I was not happy. Existing was what I was. I was merely existing and the only escape was when I got lost in my word of Edward and what we had. I had to believe that he still loved me and that he still thought of me as often as I thought of him. He had to miss me too. Did he not? I just had to believe that he did. I could not survive if I thought that he didn't still love me. I just could not.

Yes, I had married Jacob Black and was now Bella Black, wife to the true alpha of the Quilette pack. I was walked down the aisle by my father and we married about three months after my graduation. I had had three birth days since my Edward left. Three empty hopeless birthdays. The two year anniversary had come and gone and the only surprise was that I was now pregnant. Something my father would have been happy about but would never know. I am not sure how I feel about this. I was happy to have a child as I felt I could be a good mother since I had been mothering everyone my whole entire life. No one, except Edward and his family, had ever made me feel like someone was taking care of me. I took care of Jake, Billy and the rest of the pack these days. It was like I was here to serve them and to be a body to make better wolves. I did not like that. I did not like that I was basically a breeder. That all of us imprints were picked to build better, stronger, faster wolves. I felt like a housing vessel for future spawn. But, I would stop this insanity. Emily, Kim and Rachel could keep doing so but I would not. This baby that I would have would count for something. Even if it meant that I would escape so that I could have this child matter. Even if I had to keep it a secret from everyone, including my husband.

I needed to get away to think. I knew the perfect time to do so. Jake was going on a three day patrol. I knew that I could not go to Charlie's house as it was sold shortly after he died. Billy and the pack decided that it would be best to let a family have it to make more memories rather as a shrine to my memories. I did not completely agree but there was little I could do at that time as I was in a great state of shock. I would pick a place that I could go that the wolves did not go to. They did not really go into Forks but rather stayed in or around the reservation. The reason Jake would be gone for three days is that they were also going to go to near reservations and to discuss ways to improve each and every pack. It was a good idea as all pack members from all reservations would be there. Not many new wolves formed as there were no vampires around to create new ones. I would go to the one place they would not go. One of the places I was told not to go, but I am not one to be told what to do. I would go back to the Cullen Mansion.