Chapter 5

With just the touch of her hand, all was right in the world. Everything that had been wrong suddenly felt completely right. I knew that there was more to this and that there would be many conversations forthcoming, but at the moment all I could think about how extremely happy I was to just have her touch me and I cannot even begin to put into words the sheer joy and utter peace I felt when my lips melded against hers. It was simply the single most glorious feeling in all of my existence. But I was too forward. I knew there were things we needed to discuss and at a little more distance than I had allowed for us. I had let more of myself be obvious than I ever had before and that was utterly my fault. I was afraid of so much and so many things. Now I had no fear for Bella was here and I felt nothing but absolute bliss at being in her presence once again.

"So, where have you been?" Bella asked, bringing me out of the bubble.

"I have been in Rio for almost two years," I replied.

"Two year? Isn't that really sunny?"

"Usually but not where I was."

"Oh. In a cave I guess."

"That would have been a better idea. No, I was in an attic of an old house. No windows and no doors. I sat in the darkest recesses of the space, a prison of my own design."

I pulled the cover off of one of the sofas and she sat down. I sat beside her with a person's width between us. Bella was most assuredly angered by that response.

"By your own design? Yea, that about sums it up. You are an idiot. The biggest idiot I have ever known and that is saying a lot! Why are you even here? Why now?"

How do I tell her this? How do I tell the woman that I love, the woman who is the soul center of my existence, the woman who is my mate, that I lied? That I lied more convincingly than I ever thought possible? That she could believe such a blasphemous lie is beyond me.

"Bella, I lied. I lied that day I left you in the woods. I told the most ghastly of lies and you believed them. You believed them completely. How could you believe such horrendous falsehoods?"

Bella looked at me with tears welling in her eyes and her hands balled into fist against her thighs. They were so tight that I thought she would rip the skin at her knuckles.

"They were easy to believe because it never made any sense to me that you loved me in the first place. The fact that a God-like creature like you could have picked a plain jane girl like me was something of a fantasy. A pipe dream, if you will. I always thought that you were too good for me."

I wanted to laugh at that but thought better of it. At some other time, maybe, but not right now. I scooted closer to her and pried her fist from her thigh and held it in my hand. I placed both of my hands around hers and held it to my chest. I stared into those infinite chocolate pools and breathed in her intoxicating aroma. Her breath was coming in short pants and tears were starting to slip down her cheek.

"Oh, Bella. It is you who are too good for me. I am but a monster and I have been but a shell of a man since I left you. I thought my world was too much for you. I wanted you to have a real life and to be able to stay human for as long as you wanted. I did not know that doing so would almost kill me in the process. As a matter of fact, up until a few days ago, I never left my attic space. I only came out to hunt and never too far from where I stayed. I never called any of my family even though they repeatedly tried to reach me. I was ashamed of what I had done to you, to us, to them and I could not face them. I come before you now, a humble man who is begging your forgiveness to take me back in any way you'll have me. I know that you have married Jacob Black and I know that I can no longer be what I was before but if you would allow me to be your friend again, that would be heaven. If not that, then maybe an acquaintance that you see from time to time. Anything, just to be a part of your world," I explained to her as I lay myself bare before her.

Bella slipped her hand out of mine and scooted back where she came from. She stared forward and said nothing. For eighty-five seconds, she said nothing. Nor did she move. Bella merely stared off into space. It was exasperating not to be able to hear her thoughts. She was still a mental mute to me and I am sure at the present she counted it a blessing that I could not hear what she was thinking. I still find it completely backwards that the one voice that I want to desperately hear I cannot and ever inane utterance I cannot block out. So very frustrating and so very Bella.

"You left me. You left me alone in the cold, dark, damp woods with nothing. No flashlight, no water, no real way to go. I called for you. I yelled for you until I couldn't yell anymore. Sam found me and carried me to Charlie. I didn't have to tell him what happened, he figured out, what with me screaming your name every night in my nightmarish fits. That coupled with the fact the town had heard about Carlisle's big city promotion and how the whole Cullen family had left for California to pursue the ultimate doctor dream. I was basically catatonic for almost six month but then they threatened to send me to Florida and I came around a little. I wanted to stay in Forks because as long as I was here there was still that hope that you would return. So, that was when I started hanging out with Jake. He made the hole that you left a little smaller. Charlie approved of him and he hated you. Of course, so does Jake. I must still say your name in my sleep some nights. Those are the ones that I wake up to Jake being all mad at the world. But I know it's really me he is mad at. I can't help you are still a part of me. I tried to explain this to him over and over again. Jake told me that you had some mind control over me that I could not seem to let go of. If I would just give him a chance, I would see that we belong together, that I was his imprint and that I was not your mate. Everything would work out if I would just give in. So I did. A small ceremony where my Dad walked me to Jake and then I was his. It was not long after that when the incident occurred with Charlie. He was out at First Beach answering a fake call. Victoria has set a trap for him and Paul was there as well. He phased too close to Charlie and killed him. The pack killed Victoria right after and by the time I got to the beach, Dad was already gone. I never got to say goodbye. They had already burned Victoria to ash and I didn't get to see that either. They sold Dad's house and I had no say in that, even though it was willed to me, they thought a family should live there and that I should let it go. Of course every part of this whole disaster was blamed on you. If you had not been here and bewitched me then none of this would have happened. None of the wolves would have phased, this rogue, bitch vampire would not have been chasing me, Charlie would not have been at the beach alone and Paul would not have been there to phase too close. All because you and I are in love," she sobbed the last part.

I could not stand to see her like this. No matter what the future may hold, I was not going to sit by and watch my mate cry her eyes out without me comforting her. I picked her up and sat her in my lap. I pulled my arms around her and cradled her to me like a child, shushing her occasionally. I tried to will all of this pain away, pain that I had a heavy hand in. Pain that I felt that I could erase if she would only let me. But this would be entirely up to Bella as she was now a married woman and I could not consciously ask her to cheat on him. If Bella left Jacob, it would be on her own and because she wanted to. It would be because she still loved me and wanted to be with me. It would . . . . WAIT! WHAT IS THAT NOISE? Like the fluttering of butterfly wings? Like Bella's own heart beat but only faster? Was it what I thought it was? Was my mate, my angel, my everything, PREGNANT BY THE MUTT?

AUTHOR NOTE: Hello all. You will learn that I am evil and that I love a good cliffy. Enjoy this chapter, until next time.