Chapter 6

I instantly felt when Edward stiffened against me. I knew that I smelled like Jake as he had kissed me on the cheek and I lived with him. Edward would not have noticed that Jake and I had had sex because that I had not been for a while. That was only out of pity for Jake as one of the elder's had died and he was upset and needed consoling. I was loath to console him that way. To be honest, even though I was married to him, I sometimes wished that I could take back my virginity but that was a useless pipe dream. He took it on our wedding night, with me crying the whole time, wishing it was cold arms that held me rather than Jake's always scorching embrace. I wanted Edward to be my first and only lover. But he left me and I had no other choice. I was married to Jake and with that came certain expectations. I try not to flinch or cringe when he touches me. Jake writes it off as I am still traumatized by the bloodsucker. He feels the more he laviouses me with affection, hugs, kisses, spontaneous sex then I will be more apt to respond in a way fitting a wife. Then he would not have to take from me what he needs. He has never hurt me but I've watched him shake with rage enough times to know not to put up too much of a fight. I have been able to now say Edward's name when I am conscious. I only say it when I am sleeping. I do say his name when Jake is not around. He cannot stop me from thinking of Edward because up til a few moments ago, thoughts were all I had of Edward.

I don't know why I felt that I should even give Edward Cullen another chance. Yes, he may have lied to me in the woods those three years ago but it still did not make up for the heartache I have felt from the loss of him ever since. Did he know the sheer magnitude of pain that i have been in, the sleepless night, the endless crying jags? What about the trauma I had put my family in, how they watched and worried about me while I was in a catatonic state for six months, merely eeking by in life, existing and not really living? Did he know all these things? Did he care that I begged for him to come back, prayed to every deity in existence for him to just walk back through my door and make everything right again? Did he know that I put myself in danger sometimes just to get an apirition of him telling me not to do whatever stupid thing I was about to do? Was he aware that everytime Jake climbed on me and started thrusting that I wished it was Edward holding me in his arms and making love to me, for it to be Edward who would worship my body and never let me go? Did he know that I still longed to be his mate and not Jake's imprint? That I still loved him and only tolerated Jacob Black? Did he know that I had somehow ended up pregnant with another man's child and if he did know that, would he be willing to raise that child with me? That was what he knew. Edward had heard the heartbeat of my baby. I leaned back from his arms and stared into Edward's wide eyes. My throat was suddenly dry as I tried to form some or any words to explain or I don't know what I wanted to say at that moment.

"Isabella? Are you . . . is that . . . can it be? You are . . ., "was all Edward could get out.

I snickered lightly as I had never heard him at a loss for words. "I am."

"Uh," and then nothing.

He just stared at me. Looking for something. Maybe he was listening to see if he could hear anything else from the baby or maybe he was stupidly trying to see if he could hear my mind again. That was one thing I was happy about still; that my mind was mute to his ability. I let him just hold me and stare. I left him to whatever he was pondering. It was actually very calming and reassuring the way he was looking at me in such awe and fascination. Then he took in a deep breath and smiled at me.

"Well, you smell healthy," Edward finally said.

"Thanks, I think."

"No, no. I mean you still smell like you but slightly tinged by your husband's odor. He kissed your cheek most recently and it also lingers some in your hair on that side. It would never be enough to let you go even if you were saturated in it. And as for your child, it sounds healthy too. It's heart is beating at the rate that any fetus would at its size. Nothing to be concerned about right now as far as your baby is concerned. Have you been feeling alright? Any morning sickness?" He asked.

I looked at him for a moment. Edward was being technical but sweet as well. Comforting in a confusing way you could say.

"Very little. I only found out about a week ago," I explained.

"I see. Well, I am sure that Jacob is very thrilled about it as any father would be."

"Yes, I'm sure he would be excited if he knew."

"You mean, you . . . ," but I cut him off and stood up from his lap.

"No, I haven't told him yet."

"Are you waiting until after you see your doctor?"

"No. I'm not sure if I want to tell him."

Edward stood up suddenly and came to stand in front of me. I could see that he was getting angry with the thoughts he must have been having.

"He has not threatened to hurt you has he? He is not violent with you, is he?" Edward whispered growled.

I stepped back a little. "Nothing like that. He's never been abusive if that is what you mean. Jake has never physically abused me."

Edward huffed a sigh of relief. "That is good to know. I would have hated to have gone to the reservation and killed him."

"Why would you do that? That would be suicide to run onto the reservation with your treaty with them, They would see at as an act of war. Besides, why do you care what happens to me and my life and this baby?!" I yelled.

Edward was on me and had his arms around my waist. I was pulled closer into his cold hard frame and my warm one melted into him. He placed both hands on my face and cradled it in his icy touch. His breath fanned across my face and I was drowning in his heavenly scent.

"I would do those things because I love you with all that I am. Mind, body and soul belong to you. Now that I am here, I will be whatever you need for me to be. You, my beautiful, sweet, and kind Isabella, are my mate and you will always be my mate and I will defend you until my dying breath, even if it is against your husband. I will only go if you send me away. I was a fool once. I will not be that fool again. I love you. Do you hear me, Isabella Swan Black? I love you and if it means that I have to wait for you, I will wait for you. If it means that you come to me now, even better. All that matters is you, me and this all consuming love that I feel for you. Tell me that I am not too late. Tell me that you still feel something for me. Tell me that you still could love a vile monster such as I. Tell me you love me, Isabella," Edward declared.

AUTHOR NOTE:The evil woman that I am leaves yet another cliffy. Until next time.