After the meeting that had done little to improve his sour mood, Steve had returned to his desk, never bothering to sit down, as he skimmed through the contents of his rolodex, hoping another name or number would jump out at him, a connection he hadn't made before, the one clue that might put an end to this frantic manhunt.
And yet, even the third desperate repeat left him empty handed.
Grunting in frustration, he stared down at the hands holding him up against his desk, the slight shaking that ran through his entire body, as the exhaustion fed on his last reserves and began to move his mind into a sleep-deprived psychosis.
The names, so many of them, had overwhelmed his senses, as he tried to come to terms with the unspeakable loss at the hands of a single shooter. Professional distance aside, these were human beings, people who'd gone out for a night of fun and dance, and ended up riddled with bullets for no other reason than being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
The what if's and what not's were beginning to make him dizzy, as the scope of the bloodshed summed up on a neat white sheet on his desk began to sink in.
It was a sensation that made his heart ache relentlessly.
"Why don't you go home for a few hours and get some rest. You're fading on me."
The caring voice was accompanied by a warm hand on his back, gently rubbing the sore muscles and nearly putting him to sleep.
"I'm fine. Just need some more coffee.", Steve pleaded, his attempts at convincing his partner failing miserably when he turned around to meet the blue eyes that knew him better than anyone else.
"We've both been awake for over 48hrs. I am calling an end to this shift. There's nothing more we can do until some of the warrants come through and we get some evidence in. Now is the best time to get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."
The warrants. That's right.
Despite requests for expedited service, Gerry had been dragging his feet on some of the warrants they'd requested for anything from bank cameras to sales records for firearms, in hopes of narrowing down their search for the killer and his equipment.
Steve had balked at the unnecessary delay, Mike on the other hand applauded it, calling it going the extra mile to ensure due process.
In the end, it had only added to the friction already surrounding every aspect of this case.
"I just need to make a few more phone calls…"
It was an outright lie, but Steve couldn't leave now. Not with the list of names on his desk pleading him to keep going until the killer was caught.
Unfortunately for him, Mike's eyes drifted to the same list, his expression hardening once he realized what it was.
"How did you get that? I told you not to dig into the victim's list and stay focused on our killer. It was a clear order to have the guys in robbery handle all the next of kin notifications and affairs."
"I wanted to see if there were any names sticking out, known drug dealers, mobsters, anything that could link this case to a deliberate hit cleverly disguised as a mass shooting."
Drawing in a deep breath, Mike's glance remained stern, blue eyes narrowed to tight slats seeing right through his carefully crafted half-truths. With his lips pursed to a thin line, the Lieutenant stared at him for several moments, unable to refute the valid argument but knowing well enough what the real reason for the list had been.
"Like I said…go home and get some rest. I am starting to worry about the thoughts drifting around in your mind lately."
The clear warning to avoid becoming emotionally involved in a difficult case would normally cause him to nod obediently, but the increased tension surrounding this investigation and the green curtain that had been raised between departments, acting like blinders to avoid all of them from realizing the true scope of the event all contributed to his temper flaring.
"What am I supposed to do? Sit at home and enjoy dinner with the warm thoughts of sixty-four innocent people murdered and a killer on the loose in the back of my mind?!"
The wrath he knew would come didn't disappoint as Mike stepped closer into his personal space, unbearably close, their noses almost touching. And yet, the Lieutenant managed to poke an angry finger at his chest, his breaths coming in short gasps.
"I won't ask you to go home a third time, I am now ordering you to go home, Inspector. We're walking a tightrope with this case and I have Lenny looking over my shoulder, heck, I have the entire brass looking over my shoulder, and several outside sources that have become involved, on top of local and national media. It's our duty to investigate this case in a balanced fashion, without emotional involvement, without friendships getting in the way, and without any undue drama. I have spent more than an hour with Olsen and Conden, convincing them to leave us as the lead detectives in a case that would normally be handed over to the FBI, and I will not tolerate any missteps, no matter how well meaning or morally superior they may feel to you. We're here to follow strict protocol and catch this guy by the book, which means I can't have you sitting here sulking, as you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. It's time you take a few hours off, get some sleep and regain your balanced approach, because I won't tolerate anything else come morning."
Unbeknownst to the two detectives, the entire bullpen had fallen quiet, watching the unusual standoff from a safe distance.
"Is that all?"
Steve might as well have tossed a can of gasoline on the fire with his chosen tone of voice, which only served to raise Mike's ire even more.
Letting his angry eyes do the talking for several painstaking seconds, the Lieutenant finally exhaled slowly, symbolically trying to ease his temper, before speaking up again.
"You're cruising. Don't push it, Inspector."
Despite the exhaustion clouding his tired mind, Steve quickly caught on to the significance of those words, and decided to budge, offering nothing more than the faintest of nods, before moving out from underneath Mike's posturing to reach for his dress coat and car keys.
By the time he left the startled detectives in the bullpen behind and pushed the down button on the elevator, Steve was shaking like a leaf, horribly afraid of the irrevocable mess his caring, yet misguided heart had caused.