She didn't make the most graceful exit, in turn ambling and hopping down the stairs, but she was certainly not going to be carried out of that building. Even if she couldn't quite walk on her own two feet because putting weight on one made her take a sharp breathe, she could do the next best thing. Still by the time she reached the bottom of the stairs she agreed to take Luis's – she'd asked for his name – arm and put some weight on him as she walked.
Her heart ached to hear her kids voices but she held the need back to call them as she sat down in the car seat. She needed a moment to collect herself or she'd lose her voice. If Dean got on the phone, well – despite everything after decades of knowing her, if he was in the right mood he could even offer compassion and she didn't think she could handle that right now.
Her hand reached into her pockets and her heart jumped. "Where's my phone?" She asked herself. She hadn't taken a bag with her, maybe following some quiet instinct. She still had the few bills she had tucked in her pockets just in case. She even had her alias ID.
When she ran – she must have dropped it. She closed her eyes. "I need it," she said when Luis didn't answer but instead turned the key in the ignition. "Luis?" She asked again.
"I got it, don't worry," Luis glanced at her as the car rolled from the building.
"Can I have it?" She put her hand out, annoyance more than edged in her voice.
"Rio said you get checked out, you get it," he tilted his head towards her, returning the annoyance in her tone, but something was sneaking behind it which took shape to something close to a smile.
Beth pulled her hand back and glanced upwards, shaking her head. "Don't tell me you're taking me to the hospital?"
Luis shook his head and took a right turn. Beth turned away from him and huffed quietly, words on the edge of her tongue before she thought better of it, imagining Luis pass them on to Rio. Not that anything she'd say could make worse the situation. She had no doubt she'd have to mend some fences but maybe, maybe what she gave him, possibly that'd make a difference. Her heart lightened when she saw some relief relax his features before he'd walked out. If it helped, before she'd find him, it'd make it easier.
Because even while pulsing, scalding rays dug their way through her foot's veins, she'd all but forgotten what happened around half an hour before – she'd gathered after asking Luis for the time. Perhaps not forgotten, but set aside. She'd deal with that later. What had happened wouldn't something she'd do every time. She wouldn't have reason to feel the kind of terror that took her, nearly freezing her to her place even when she ran, and worse, made her want to turn around and fight back.
No, she'd deal with difficult, with risky situations if she stayed with Rio but it wouldn't be like this. The gunshots, the chasing steps. Her heart swelled just a little and she knew that this wasn't the reaction that she was supposed to have. She had to do this, right? She focused her thoughts. Had to stay in this world to give her kids a future.
Now that she didn't have the option to call them, even though a few minutes ago she'd already agreed with herself that she wouldn't do it until her thoughts slowed down anyway, she wanted to open the door and get out of the car, even though it was moving. Just walk off her nerves. She started crossing her right foot over the other but quickly froze, wincing.
Apart not for that, she thought, perhaps to assuage the pain, she had gotten out of this hadn't she? She couldn't think like that, she knew. But she had, a stubborn voice spoke over her apprehension. She'd felt intense fear before, fear for her kids, when one of them was injured, when she had been injured herself, but fear like being chased, of teetering seconds between – well she didn't want to dwell on that. But the fear and terror that had filled her brain as she ran had already dimmed, replaced with the thought of what next. How would she appeal to Rio? Her stomach growled. Though it hadn't been that long since she'd eaten she needed to get something in her stomach or she'd have a hard time focus on anything and her thoughts would continue to jumble.
"Mind if we stop for something?" She turned her head to Luis. Seeing his hesitation at derailing from Rio's orders she quickly added. "It can be quick. My treat."
Fast food wouldn't be her first choice but she rarely indulged. Luis nodded and stopped at the nearest place.
The sun warmed Beth's shoulders as she and Luis walked towards the yacht. He guided her down a quiet hallway and stopped at a cabin where several guys lounged around, quickly quieting down as the two of them walked in. Luis motioned for a guy to get up from a chair and turned to Beth, pointing with his hand towards the seat.
"I'm really fine," Beth insisted to a man, who seemed a few years older than her, as he crouched down and examined her foot. It was the same words she had repeatedly said to Luis who gave her a look each time to let her know it was not his problem and he wasn't going to let her change his mind from their final destination.
"Tough one," He said, following up with some questions about whether she'd previously injured her foot and what had happened.
"Deal with this a lot?" she asked after the man insisted she give him direct answers.
"I used to deal with it more," The guy said. The way he carried himself, his posture and his stoic and formal approach, reminded Beth of an old friend of Dean's who had been in the army.
"Are you a doctor?" Beth asked softly. A younger man raised his face from his phone and snickered.
"Good enough to get you fixed up back in June wasn't it?" The guy holding her foot snapped back. The younger man didn't reply but rolled his eyes as soon as he thought the other man wasn't watching him.
The swelling didn't seem too bad to her though her skin was darker and bruised around her ankle. She had come across many results of falls in her time and had a sense of what to look out for.
"Expect it's a sprain. See how you feel in a couple of days. If it's still bothering you, getting an x-ray'd be a good. Try to stay off that foot." He got up. "Need some pain killers?"
Beth shook her head. She had something in her bag. "Thank you."
"Hold on," he said and disappeared into the bathroom, reappearing with a few ice packets. "There's an ice machine on the second floor."
Beth accepted the ice, already having decided she'd agree to almost everything if it meant she'd get her phone back. "Rest, Ice… Compression and Elevate right?"
The guy nodded and tilted his head. "You said this didn't happen to you before."
Beth saw Jane and her, as if it was yesterday, at the doctor's office after one of her daughter's scrapes. "I- have some experience," she said simply. "Big family," she said without thinking, cataloging it as a part of Alana's story. "Can I get my phone back please?" She turned to Luis.
As soon as she stepped out in the hallway she unlocked her phone and dialed Dean. She mustered her most carefree voice as she chatted with him, eager to speak to her kids.
"You sure everything's good?"
The kids sounded fine of course, having no clue what their mom had just been through. Beth tapped on her left leg, her body on edge, feeling a relief in talking with him and forcing herself to slow down her speech, reminding herself they knew nothing about what she'd just been through.
"I miss you mommy," Emma said, sounding sleepy, and Beth's heart swelled as tears pooled in her eyes.
"Not as much as I miss you," she sniffled.
She ended the call and squared her eyes at her screen picturing her four kids, Jane hugging Buddy. She put weight on her left foot as she leaned against the wall.
Had she gone through all of this now to be out? Of course not.
Maybe she should've waited, she thought as she was already steps away from his room. Luis had told her when she'd left the cabin he'd taken her too to wait for Rio in her room.
But she'd taken a pain pill which dimmed the throbbing in her foot. It was probably not what was making her drowsy but what she'd been through, namely that day. But perhaps that drowsiness was what she had to thank for taking down her defenses and making her feel more courageous.
So she made her way down to Rio's door, having made sure to remember the number when they had checked in. She stared at the door for a moment before knocking. Steps came closer and in moments the door swung open.
"What do you want?"
The gruffness in his voice didn't surprise her. What did is that he didn't seem at all thrown off to see her. He stepped in front of the door before she could get a peek in to see it.
Think about your family, she told herself, and braced herself. "I thought I should make my case before I get dropped off at the next port," she said, resisting the itch to cross her arms.
He closed the door behind him and shook his head once. "I can't talk with you right now."
Putting weight on her right foot as she pulled her shoulders back, Beth's soreness caught her off guard just for a moment.
"You OK?" He asked in a clipped tone but something about it bothered her. She shrugged it off. She didn't want his pity.
"I'm fine."
"I can't talk right now. Get back to your room."
I'll talk to you when I'll talk to you, Beth heard the unsaid words.
"Should I pack?" She met his eyes. Rip off the bandaid if this was the case, she thought. She didn't need to wait for that.
"Wait there." He said before turning around and closing the door.
That was it. The whiteness of the door had so quickly replaced the man who stood in front of her. Maybe she should've just walked on in. Taken his example. Not that she thought that would help. He wasn't alone, she thought, as she heard voices behind the door.
She turned around, using the wall to steady her turn. An anti-climactic face to face but she had to try and talk to him. She had nothing to do on this boat. She wanted so badly to talk with Ruby and Annie but she wanted to try to avoid any conversation over the phone about what happened.
Maybe she could work on some online tasks in the meantime. Think of how she could sell herself as an asset to Rio. She'd blown it with Karin, but Rio himself said that the woman wasn't loyal to anyone. Maybe Beth could still be a line to Karin despite the latter likely being pissed off.
Turning the corner a familiar face lit up as he recognized her.
"What happened to you?" Nathan asked.
Beth slowed down even more her walk-hop and leaned against the wall, putting her weight on her left foot. While it didn't hurt she wanted to try and keep weight off her foot, at least for a short while.
Beth gave Nathan a brave face, patting her right thigh. "Slipped while I was running after an ice cream truck," she joked. "It was hot. I needed that cone."
Nathan smiled and took stock of her foot. "You sure you wanna keep stretching it out like this?"
"I was just heading to rest it," Beth motioned towards her cabin.
Nathan stepped closer to her, as if trying to get a better look. "You should get it checked out."
Beth sighed in gratitude that he wasn't pushing wanting to know what happened to her. "I did." She pushed off the wall. "I think I just need to rest it." She winced at a dimmed shot of pain.
"I can get you a second opinion."
Beth's door beckoned behind Nathan. She wouldn't have minded in that moment to lie back in her bed, elevate her foot on a pillow, but she felt encouraged by Nathan's warmth that was written on his face and coating his voice. It contrasted so sharply with how the man behind the white door had taken her in before sending her off. And of course he was upset at her, but to have that kind of warmth from Rio ever – her head hurt trying to imagine it. Not that she'd want it – why would she need it?
She shook her head. "Don't tell me we have a doctor onboard?"
Nathan pointed at himself.
Again Beth shook her head and she leaned a little closer, fisting her hands at her sides.
"Let's at least get you sitting down."
He offered her his arm and Beth took it. She shuffled alongside him. "Are you really a doctor?"
Nathan smiled and leaned a little closer. "OK, so I took a few first aid courses. It's maybe going to surprise you what I see on these trips. I even have an office."
Beth's smile widened.
"It's more like a closet." Nathan admitted, tilting his head.
"Sounds just like an examination room. OK." She nodded at him. "Where is it?"
"One floor down. It's not too much is it?"
Seeing as she wasn't sure she was ready to have him in her room quite yet, for a reason she wasn't sure of, she quickly replied it was no issue at all. Or maybe it was that it would give her some space from the tension on this one.
As Nathan led her into the small room which indeed appeared to be a a refurbished closet. Beth fleetingly wondered how many rooms she'd get to see in this boat apart from Rio's.
"Please," He indicated the chair and Beth sat down. Photos and pictures of South American and Asian tourist attractions decorated the walls. She searched for Costa Rico. That trip she had never gotten to take. It had been something that she had dreamed about in days that seemed not to end. Would Dean take someone else there? Would she take her kids alone? It would seem strange to do that. Maybe she'd go – maybe she'd wait and go when she was with someone else. Or they'd choose a new location altogether. But after all the research she'd done her heart was set on that spot.
Nathan spoke drawing her attention back as he took a seat in front of her. He asked her similar questions as she'd been asked before, except these had to do with how she got injured. She kept the details short without any indication of the details surrounding what caused her to run and fall.
Unlike the man earlier, Nathan held her foot a little more gingerly and seemed undoubtedly less experienced from the man who'd checked her over before. His diagnosis was also similar – that based on the location of the swelling it was a suspected sprain.
"I'd want you to have an x-ray done," he added.
"You don't have to have a machine tucked in the closet, do you?" Beth glanced at the closet in the corner and back at Nathan, and away again as he smiled widely at her.
"No," Nathan laughed. "But I got a guy."
Beth put her hand on her thigh and looked down at her foot.
"He doesn't ask questions and he won't use your insurance."
Beth shook her head. "I'll see how I do first."
"OK." He got up from his chair. "I'd say you got lucky," Nathan got up.
Beth burst in a short laugh but covered up graciously. Yeah, that's the word for what was going on here these past few days.
"I may have something for you," Nathan headed to the closet, opening it and shuffling inside.
"Oh no," Beth shook her head when he produced a green cane. "You don't think I need that?"
Nathan turned his face back to the closet. "We used to have a pair of crutches but I had to lend them this morning, believe it or not."
Beth eyed the cane suspiciously, like it was going to wrap itself around her hand and cut off her circulation.
"Give it a try." Nathan stretched his arm out towards her. "It'll help you keep your weight off that foot."
Beth took it from him and put it firmly on the ground, taking a few steps. If it meant it'd help her get back on her two feet again more quickly. "I didn't imagine this when I left for the weekend."
Nathan smiled and there was that fondness again and she felt herself tugging at it, like a child holding onto a ball not because it was her favorite but because she only had so few toys in her possession. The sudden realization shook her and she turned towards the door.
"I'll walk you back, I have to get back in a bit anyway." He pressed some buttons on his phone.
Wasn't it simpler, Beth asked herself, as she and Nathan walked, chatting a little but also sharing some companionable silence. The layers of mistrust missing here, the ones that she felt she shared with both Rio and Dean, pityingly both men in her life, albeit for very different reasons. And while she felt some tension with Nathan it was different. Uncomplicated, almost pleasant. She didn't know anything about Nathan, of course. Similarly to Rio, she thought humorlessly. Still, it was nice that flirting with Nathan was just flirting, unlike with Rio – not that she ever flirted with him – never. It was – or anyway it was never flirting with any intentions beyond just – loneliness.
"You know we serve ice cream here too," he teased her, revisiting the earlier reason she gave for her injury.
"The dining room was closed," Beth smiled, pouting a little and added weight on her cane.
"Find me," he said. "Or - It's 0 on your phone. If looking for me is hard for right now," he motioned towards her leg. "I could give you my number."
"You remember I'm with someone right?" Beth asked. In her mind Nathan hadn't completely accepted it, that Rio would be with someone older like her, but Nathan what - had to be the same age as Rio, if not younger, frankly. He was bold, that was for sure. "We don't share," she added, not at all sure why she included Rio in that. But maybe she was reading too much into it and Nathan was just being friendly.
"It's always like that," he said in a tone Beth read as 'can't blame me for asking.'
"Thanks for the cane. I hope I won't need it much longer," Beth lowered her chin to her cane and raised her eyes back to Nathan whose eyes lifted behind her. She turned her head to find Rio strolling slowly down the hallway, his hands in his jersey.
Beth turned her face back to Nathan. "Thanks for helping me."
She could already feel it, as Rio drew closer. The air shifting and she sensed something she couldn't quite recognize. Her arms tensed as Rio came to stand beside her. Still she turned her body to him instinctively, without meaning to.
"Hey, how are you, man?" Nathan glanced from Beth to Rio.
"Good. Helped out my girl?" Rio's eyes glanced at Beth's cane.
Beth nearly rolled her eyes at the wording of his question. As livid as he was with her he still had to mark his territory and for what? Something changed in Nathan's face and it was when she recognized what it was she'd sensed. Possessiveness. Rio wasn't touching her at all but it felt like his words were tugging her to him.
"Yeah. She'll be fine. It's something when we get hurt on a trip. Right?" He smiled at Beth, having dialed the flirtiness down but even Beth could still sense it.
"Yes," Beth turned her face to Rio whose eyes were still on Nathan, saw his body straighten more. "Thank you," she indicated the cane. "I'll give it back before I get off the boat."
Nathan waved her off. "It's nothing."
Nathan headed off and Beth watched him walk away, feeling the air change again as Nathan's flirty, playful energy left, replaced with what Rio brought with him, a heavy charge. The air nearly visibly tightened as Nathan turned the corner. Rio was still staring ahead.
"You wanted to talk?" He asked with tired eyes, sounding like his mind was elsewhere, before he finally turned his face to her. Clearly not wanting to do this. She was ready, though, and by this point itching to sit down. "Didn't take you away from anything?" He asked in a bored tone and again unlike before, she heard something between the words. A kind of attention. She waved it awy.
She opened the door and walked in, holding the door for him.
"That's right. This is enough for you to be on your way home," He said icily.
They'd been at it for a bit and she wasn't sure how it had gotten so heated so quickly but it was likely because even though he was worked up so was she. Good, she thought bitterly. So much for her getting sympathy for getting hurt.
"I was trying to help you." She raised her voice, just as she'd told her she wouldn't when he'd walked in.
She recognized something flash in his eyes. An understanding. He didn't believe her. He turned and started heading towards the door.
She followed, annoyed that she couldn't match his steps as quickly as she usually could. "Just because I also tried to help myself at the same time means I wasn't thinking about you?"
He stopped and turned around. "Next time I tell you not to do something you're going to help me too?"
"Did it?" She asked, taking a step forward, trying to detach herself from how his words, how the tension between them was charging her up. "You never answered me."
He shook his head. "It doesn't matter."
It did, though, she knew. "I couldn't sit back. I couldn't stay here knowing that if it didn't work I was out."
He didn't answer and she knew she was right. He had a boss. Almost everyone had a boss. She couldn't expect him to try and protect her just like he couldn't expect her to sit back.
"Is it so hard for you to think that maybe I'd be an asset for you?"
He choked a laugh. "You ain't nothing if you can't follow directions."
Back to that again.
"If you can't trust me. I know," she said, rubbing her forehead.
He lifted his shoulder in agreement. "You'd go to the highest bidder."
"To turn on them. And help you." She reminded him.
"You kids gonna be happy with that? With you helping me?" He asked, glancing at her leg, referring to her kids being happy at her being at her being injured. She'd been arguing while holding her stance, using her cane as support, but as they were talking she was angling herself to lean against the desk, and Rio was following her, a quiet dance. "This? This is what I don't got time for."
Beth breathed out. She had to slow down. "I don't know what I need to do to make up to you that I screwed you over. Big time. I get it." At the flame in Rio's eyes she told herself to keep going. "If I had to run errands for you, if I had to drive a truck again- I'd do it, all right? But you need to treat me like-" she crossed her arms at Rio raising his eye brows. She pulled out a hand. "I'm not asking for you tell me anything close to everything. Just something. Not even about you-" Because heavens the thought you'd tell me something about your personal life with everything he knew about her. "About the business."
"Give you a reward," he said, and again she heard the mocking. Reward her for going against his words.
"Tell me something so I can show you-"
He nodded quickly. "Give you a bigger knife."
She tilted her head. If she had time, she'd let him keep at it. Sure, she went against his wishes. His orders. She knew one thing. If he wanted her out he would've kicked her out with no preamble. Maybe not even done it himself if he was furious enough.
He glanced to the side. "Or what, wait until you cut yourself this time." His eyes returned to her face as he moved closer, and she had nowhere to push herself back into, only unless she sat on top of the desk.
"Better me than you, right?" She asked.
He started shaking his head and opened his mouth when he stopped. They just stared at each for a moment, before she noticed how close he was leaning towards her, didn't move her eyes from his face but saw from the side of her eye how his right arm was just beside her hip. And at that moment she noticed him recognizing it himself, and she looked away when she noticed his eyes moving lower, not wanting to see where they ended up. This wasn't-
"I did it because I had no choice. I thought I had no choice," she added quickly when he opened his mouth. "If I'd work so hard for my family, and I know you do too," she leaned a little towards him, regretting it a moment later because he didn't lean back, didn't move, and she knew that he'd get a kick out of it, for some reason, despite everything. "Wouldn't it just be easier if we worked for something-" and her words stumbled as she was about to say "together", because she could barely imagine it herself, even though that's what she was working for from the moment she arrived at the dock in Detroit. It was a bigger together of course, one that included Ruby and Annie, but still she couldn't bring herself to use that word. "The same goal?" She settled.
His eyes slipped to her lower face, and she saw them stop at her lips, and she felt that familiar warmth roll higher with long arms like an octopus. "Bet you'd promise this won't happen again?"
She couldn't and for some reason she couldn't explain, she couldn't lie to him. "I promise I'd do anything to get that goal. Just like I was going to make it work to get you to get that deal done," she pulled back. "Even if I didn't," she said before Rio could. "But I hid those papers."
"For me?"
For you too, she thought sullenly. Because I didn't think I was ready to do this on my own after all. Not yet anyway. It wasn't just one reason that guided her but it was never just wanting to get one over him for the sake of it. "Because that's what I needed to do," she said. "I'm OK, by the way," she looked downward. "In case you wanted to know." But she'd said it to cut something that was building up, something that was pulling between them ever so tighter with every conversation. She had to stop it, derail him. Them. Before she'd get too caught up in a game. And in fact, he hadn't asked her.
She waited for him to speak. He didn't and after a few more breathes he finally leaned back again and pulled his arm away. It wasn't the answer he was looking for but if she were honest with herself, he hadn't come in this room to be convinced. He stepped back from her and turned, stepping away and opening the door and closing it. Her eyes widened at the closing door. She breathed out and stepped off the desk, forgetting for a moment and biting her lips at the pain. It was a little harder to breathe. This couldn't be over, she thought and her shoulders tightened into her body. She wasn't ready for that. Even though he'd left, something stifling stayed back. She turned to her window, to open it and let some air in.
Great. Beth turned her head from her phone to the clock on her bedside, trying to calculate how long she'd give him to get through his anger before she'd try to find him again. Twenty minutes? An hour? She rubbed her eyes, sighing loudly. Maybe she'd just walk off this boat herself. Not that getting on foot would take her far at this point, but she had money.
What, to continue on with this fight right now, that's what she was going to do when he was clearly too ticked off for her to reason with him? And the points he'd made, even if she could stop and consider some of them at some point – he just needed to listen to her right now. Enough to keep her on the payroll and she'd deal with the rest later. She didn't do anything he wouldn't do, of that she was certain. Though was her idea that they be able to work together only because they worked for the same goal – without trust, would it really be possible? If he told her nothing else, gave her nothing else? But without him giving her anything they were back in square one. Him not trusting her, her not trusting him. But she did, hadn't she? Trusted him enough to do this. And he – had trusted her enough to bring her alone? Though had he? She had kept redefining what trust meant since she'd met him.
If she'd get back to Detroit though she'd have some time to sort this out and try again. What was salvageable right now? It's not like he wanted her here and her body rebelled at the idea of continuing a fight that would late to stalemates like that. She'd had years of having arguments with Dean that sometimes never were resolved. They'd just wake up and between feeding the kids and dressing them – or OK, her doing this, and between Dean taking them to school, fights were sometimes just dropped because life continued. And so much remained unsaid and unresolved.
She couldn't promise Rio she wouldn't go against his orders. Not if it meant that it was risking her ability to work with him, which was why she'd set out to do it. Not when she, Ruby, and Annie needed that money so desperately. Ugh, maybe, maybe if he'd trust her enough, if she trusted him enough, that she'd know he'd fight for her, that if something went wrong he wouldn't cut her off. Could she expect him to trust her when she didn't trust him? Ugh what was that thought? She couldn't think about him. But it was logistics. If she wanted to stay in this, he was her contact. It was practical. And it made sense for both of them to trust each other. She just couldn't imagine – couldn't imagine what that would feel like.
The sound of two firm knocks made her sit up on her bed. She expected the door to open even though it was locked. When it didn't she looked through the peephole, unlocking the door she had been sure to lock this time. Rio came through, meeting her gaze and turning his body to her as he stepped in, then without a word walked down the short hallway into her bedroom. Only when he crossed it he turned around.
She took a few steps towards him, watched him step back so she could lean against the desk. His eyes likely matched her, as stubborn as his expression was that tiredness still flanked behind it. Resignation and she expected she had it too in her own eyes. That stubbornness though, it still held in the air between them and she wasn't quite ready to appease him yet, even though she knew she needed to. She was about to say, OK you know what, let's take a few hours, I just need a break. We both do. Just say it in a way that would appeal to him, she trained herself on the words forming in her throat. She opened her mouth when Rio took a small black rectangle out of his shirt pocket. She leaned a little close and fixed her eyes on it. A USB. She looked up at him.
"Read this." He said.
A/N
That finale right? I'm still hurting. Like a lot of us I'll be looking for comfort in fanfiction and fanart land through the loooong wait.
The vast majority of this fic was drafted before s2 aired and between that and me still having a similar vision I had when I started it, I don't expect I'll make any big changes to it, especially not major plot points.
That said, sadly it's firmly canon that Beth and Rio do not talk, but listen, I had to have them dishing it out a little here.
Here's wishing for a whole lot of healing to happen to Beth x Rio in season 3. A whole lot of healing.
Guest - So happy you're enjoying the story! I hope you liked this chapter.
Thank you for readers who favorited and followed!