Dlbn: Hey, everyone! God, I've been gone for forever. Started college again so that's been taking up a lot of my time, as has work, and trying to help my best friend out of a really bad situation with her baby daddy, and I admit I've been neglecting my fanfics. I still have a ton of this story written out, just no time or energy to hop on and finish or publish.

Nbld: Plus, narcolepsy sucks.

Dlbn: It does.

Nbld: Review Corner! Thank you to Invader Johnny, Zim'sMostLoyalServant, and RandomDragon2.0 for reviewing! Candy, cake, and confetti to you all!

Invader Johnny: It does at their school in particular. Most of the people who played sports that I grew up with were pretty chill people. It was some of the other people you had to watch out for.

Zim'sMostLoyalServannt: He's one of the few people that will actually bother to do anything, honestly. If it wasn't him who had spoke up, no one would have. He's either oblivious or just a moron. We will have to see.

RandomDragon2.0: It really isn't. I know plenty of people who do nothing wrong and then one day make one mistake and get crap for it. But I know people who do everything wrong or illegal under the sun and never get caught. It's sad really. Glad you're liking!.

Disclaimer: I own nothing canon to Invader Zim. It all belongs to Jhonen Vasquez. Everything non-canon belongs to me. I make no money off writing this.

000

Zim scanned the few items the woman at his register wanted and completed the transaction as quickly, and with as little interest, as possible. The night was slow, but he liked it this way. Less people meant less work. But it did make the shift go by a lot slower, so it was a bit of a pain in the ass. But he'd take it over a day so busy he had to stay an hour after his shift ended and then get yelled at by his supervisor for working overtime. Such was the life in retail, he supposed. He didn't miss it from working on Food Courtia, but at least he'd promised himself he'd never work in fast food while on Earth. No matter how bad his finances were, or how desperate he was, he'd never resort to a fast food joint. He'd never be a food service drone ever again. A younger woman came up to the counter a few minutes later.

"Can I get a pack of cigs?" She asked.

"Yeah, ID?" He wondered.

He watched her pull it out of her wallet, not really caring that he wasn't eighteen and, in the state, not legally allowed to complete transactions involving cigarettes. He glanced a bit at her ID and handed it back.

"What you smoke?" He asked.

"Chrome 42's."

"Sure." He reached behind him and grabbed a carton without looking. "That's it?"

"Yeah, I'm good." She handed him a twenty.

He rang her up and handed her the money, but she grabbed his wrist before he could grab the receipt.

"Zim?" She asked. "Your nametag…that's right…?"

"Nah, I stole some kid's uniform and thought I'd pretend to be him for a day. Just for the fun of it."

He heard Maddie a register over snickering at him behind her hand as she watched the transaction, customer free for the moment.

"You're hilarious." The girl stated. "You take that routine on tour?"

"Thinking about it, but I need a manager. You in?"

"Nah, I got enough shit on my plate." She paused for a second. "I knew a kid with that name back home."

"You did?" He cocked an eyebrow. "Not a common name."

"Ca plane c'est." She muttered. Not on this planet.

"Ya vey." He confirmed. "Do I know you?"

"You looked at my ID, jackass." She rolled her green eyes. "No wonder Sila always called you oblivious. God damn."

"So you're Riot, I'm guessing."

At that, Maddie joined him.

"Another friend back home?" She asked. "Darn, how many women do you know?"

"Know or slept with?" He questioned.

"I'm not part of that gravy train." The girl put her arms up. "I'm proud to say I'm one of the few back home who have never slept with Junior."

"Now I recognize you. And for the record, we hooked up at a party at Gabe's once."

"Yeah, what girl hasn't gotten drunk and made out with your ass?"

"I'm happy to say none."

"You know what I meant. And I don't count blood, so don't lump your sister in there."

"Then two."

"Charming." Maddie giggled. "Do you kiss and tell?"

"How do you think the entire city knows?"

Zim rolled his eyes. "Where the fuck have you been, Shira?" He asked.

"Here, obviously. Dumb fuck." She rolled her eyes at him.

"Oh, the last member of your crew, huh?" Maddie asked. "I'm Maddie. Work buddy."

"Charmed."

"For real, how long you been here?"

"A year? I don't know; it's been a while. How long have you been here?"

"About four years."

"And this is the first time I'm seeing you? Not up to your old tricks, I see. If you were, you wouldn't be here."

"Damn straight." He laughed. "I'm in high school here, though."

"Didn't you learn the first time you dropped out that it ain't worth it?"

"You dropped out?" Maddie asked. "I'm surprised at you. Bad Zim. Bad." She hit him on the nose with a flyer she rolled up while she was scolding him.

He bat her away. "Get lost, Maddie."

She laughed. "Never." With a wink, she went to help a couple that had showed up at her register.

"Not banging that one, are ya?" Shira wondered.

"What? No. She thinks I'm seventeen, like everyone else does."

"That's…I don't know what that is. Pathetic? Shocking? Surprising? I'm not sure."

"You always had a way with words."

"Fuck off, asshole."

"Make me."

She grabbed him by the collar, pulling him close. He could see a sparkle in her eye that he'd only seen once before; when they got drunk at Gabe's party and moved their own personal party to the guest bedroom. He stood there, both of them staring one another down.

"Ahem?" A voice asked.

They both turned their heads to see his supervisor standing near the register, foot taping on the ground like an impatient child.

"May I ask what's going on?" He asked.

"Oh, this is Shira. We know one another from back home." Zim smoothed out his collar as Shira let him go. "It's been a while."

"Quit goofing off on the job, Mr. Halen." His supervisor rolled his eyes, but he was smirking. "You might scare away all our customers."

"If they didn't run the other way when they saw that terrible blow up Santa you had out front for Christmas last year, they're not running away because Shira got a little handsy."

"I'll get more than a little handsy if you don't shut your trap, Junior."

"Make me."

"Don't you learn? This is how we ended up in this discussion." She grabbed a flyer from near his register and held her hand out to his supervisor. "You got a pen?"

"I do." Zim handed her one.

She wrote on the flyer, ripped the section off, and threw both it and the pen at his head. "Text me when you get off."

His supervisor chuckled.

"Pervert." Shira rolled her eyes, smirking. "Catch you later, Junior." She snatched up the cigarettes, flashing her receipt over her shoulder as she left.

Zim watched, unable to help himself from staring at her swaying hips when she walked. It had been a few years, but damn, Shira grew up to be a fine woman. A woman with the mouth of a sailor, but a fine woman.

"Don't tell me you're selling tobacco products before you turn eighteen again." The supervisor moaned.

"Relax, Shawn, it was me." Maddie waved, joining as the customers left. "He called me over."

"Of course, I did." Zim nodded. "Come on, Shawn, you know me better than that, man."

"I know you're both full of shit." Shawn rolled his eyes. "But since I didn't see it, I don't care. When are you eighteen again?"

"Next month."

"Then until then, no selling tobacco. And no selling booze either. You almost got caught last time."

"As you wish, my Lord." Zim bowed. "I would be dishonored should I not uphold the desires of my liege."

Maddie giggled behind her hand as Shawn rolled his eyes.

"Save me the theatrics, Zim. You're off in ten. Close up and come help me in back. Maddie, take your fifteen."

"I'm off in ten, too." She commented.

He groaned. "Didn't they leave me anyone for front end?"

"Scotty's on at seven."

"So, I'm out cashiers for an hour." Shawn groaned. "Which means I have to do it. I swear; they make up the schedule with the express purpose of making me suffer."

"You're the supervisor. When's the last time you suffered?" Zim asked, taking off his smock.

"Three this afternoon, when I got my butt out of bed for work."

"Shawn, we're adults and almost an adult here. You can say ass." Maddie stated, taking her smock off as well. "Come on. Say it. Ass." She hissed.

"Sometimes I think he's the twenty-four-year-old here."

"Then I can sell booze and cigs? Thanks, Shawn. You're a real pal."

"What? No, that's not…That's not what I…ugh…" He floundered with words for a second before throwing his hands up in defeat. "I need a couple boxes moved. Let's go."

"Doesn't anyone work here?" A young woman near the register called out. "I just want to check out and go home!"

"Bye, Shawn." Zim and Maddie both quickly walked past him.

"Hey, wait a second! You jerks!" Shawn called after them, shaking a fist before begrudgingly going to help the customer that was still complaining loudly.

Zim and Maddie burst into laughter as they entered the break room.

"That was great." She commented. "You know he's only mad because he knows we're both going to use the last ten minutes of our time to goof off."

"And leave him all the boxes to move when he gets off the floor after closing." Zim laughed.

"Damn straight." Maddie sat, arms folded behind her head and feet up on the table. "Be a pal and punch me out, would you?"

"One minute after our shift ends to piss off Shawn?"

"You know it."

Zim laughed, secretly loving how his coworker encouraged him to do bad things. Had they been back in Seoul and she knew how old he really was, he probably would have hooked up with her a long time ago. Or, at least, brought her into Riot. The thought made him chuckle to himself as he punched out. This was not back home and she didn't know how old he was. If he wanted to get off, he'd have to resort to going back to Daila for a quickie, and he knew she didn't want any part in that sort of activity with him again. As he punched the button to stamp Maddie's card, he sighed. Without Zayena, it was just him and his hand.

000

He didn't mean for it to happen; he really didn't. He just went to Shira's Saturday morning to hang and catch up before the others got dragged into things. He didn't mean to end up in her bed, sans clothing. He didn't mean to end up sleeping in her bed until noon, her head under his chin and her bare body rubbing up against him. Yet here they were. He couldn't deny there was a sort of attraction between them always, but she never made a move because of Sila. The three of them were together the longest and therefore the closest, so she felt somehow weird making Sila a third wheel if anything were to happen between herself and the other gangster.

Zim peeled himself out from under Shira's strong, warm embrace. He wasn't even sure how this happened. One minute they were talking while Shira smoked and he drank, the next she was on top of him, and the next they were in her bed. God damn, was he really that desperate to get laid that he'd bed a virgin? Well, a virgin to being with him at least. She insisted he wasn't her first while they went at it, but he wasn't sure. With how many people that were lying to him…no, this was Shira; one of his first friends. She wouldn't lie to him about something as stupid as being a virgin. Not when she knew Sila was proud of the fact that she was, in a weird twisted way.

"Sila's going to kill me." Shira muttered, snuggling the pillow and staring up at him with one open eye.

"For what?" He asked.

"She likes you, dipshit."

"You, too?" Zim groaned, flopping back on the bed. "First my brother, then my sister, then my cousin, now you?"

"You haven't figured it out? She doesn't call you oblivious because you act like an idiot most of the time. She calls you oblivious because she's been hinting to you since before you met Zayena that she wants to get with you and you have yet to make a move."

"For the record, she hasn't made a move either."

"She's expecting you to. You always do."

"Not always."

"Junior."

"Alright, alright." He glared. "If you're so certain on this, why the hell did you fuck me?"

She shrugged. "Everyone else has had a ride. Maybe I wanted to get a ticket before it was too late."

"If you'd met me about a month or two ago, it would be."

"Why do you say that?"

"Zayena's here. Take a guess."

Shira crinkled her skin where her nose would be if her hologram was on. "Seriously? Dude, ditch that shit. She's been with so many guys, she's the female you."

"And yet no one bitches that I sleep around but she does and suddenly everyone's disgusted?" Zim laughed. "Guess that double standard bullshit isn't just bullshit, eh?"

"You know damn well that if a guy gets around, he's a player. If a girl does, she's a whore."

"I guess."

"You know she was arrested for selling herself, right?"

"Get out."

"Why do you think she's banished, man? I'm serious." She sat up and rubbed at a large eye. "She got caught peddling it downtown near the bar you two met. I don't know if she was just waiting for you and trying to entice you into coming by showing herself around there, but for real. She's got to be frigging rich by now. It's not just Seoulians she's been with. She's from Zex. And she used to hang in Xa'ie before it went to shit. Who knows who else?"

"That's…well I don't really care. If I said anything against her for it, I'd be a hypocrite; double standard or not."

"In all honesty, I'd keep my mouth shut about it if I were you."

"Yeah." He laughed. "Well, good to know I'm not the only slut in Seoul."

"She's from Zex. You're the only slut in Seoul."

"Fuck off."

"Make me."

He flipped over and pinned her to the bed.

"As tempting as that is, Shira, if what you say about Sila is right, I'd hate to piss her off by banging our best friend again."

"How sentimental of you." Shira rolled her eyes, shoving him off and straddling him instead. "I never would have pegged you for someone that cares about anyone else, even if its Sila."

He shrugged.

"What? You into her, too?"

"If I was into her, I wouldn't have been into you all morning, would I have been?"

"I need to beat you." She lightly slapped him on the cheek.

"Bring in on, Shira."

They wrestled around for a bit before she pressed her lips to his again, making him drop his hands off her biceps to pull her waist closer to his. She moaned, running her fingers over his sensitive left antennae and moving down to suck at his collar bone where his shirt would hide it. Zim moaned, arching up against her, before shoving her off as she bit a little too hard.

"We work better as friends, I'm afraid." He told her.

"I'm that bad, huh?"

"What? No." He shook his head. "I just…just…I…"

"Look, I get it. You're in love with Sila. Tell her before she gives up on you and moves onto someone else."

"I'm not in love with Sila."

"You respect her too much to sleep with her. Yet you respect me as much as you respect her, and you still got into bed with me? Face it, Romeo, you're in love."

"If you start singing Disney, I'm killing you."

"What?"

"Nothing." He rolled his eyes.

"For real, Junior. Don't be oblivious. Look at how she looks at you. Pay attention to her body language; not her words. I know you're not inexperienced with admiring the female form. Stop acting like a virgin."

"I'm not acting like…" He huffed. "Whatever. Thanks for the lay, Shira."

She shrugged. "Hey, I'm not saying it wasn't good for me, too. Clearly, you heard me screaming your name at the top of my damn lungs."

"I felt like my antennae were gonna pop."

"Exactly." Shira chuckled. "I'm not above telling Sila what she's missing by not bedding you, yet. Though, I'm not certain if I'd be cursing her or doing a favor to every woman that's ever slept with you or was ever going to."

"Oh ha fucking ha." Zim rolled his eyes. "You're a major bitch, you know that?"

"You've known that for years now, and you're now just complaining?" She whistled. "That's pathetic, Junior, even for one as oblivious as yourself."

"Keep it up and we're doing it again."

She smirked. "Now we're on the same page."

000

"Someone got laid." Sila observed as Zim walked in the front door, his holographic hair a little moussed up.

"Shut it." Zim replied. "I'm in no mood, Sila."

"What's crawled up your ass?"

"Where's my sister?"

"Gretchen and Gaz stopped by. She went with them. I figured I'd stay here and kill some hookers for her." She held up the controller.

"You two need to cut back or you're going to become soldiers." Zim flopped onto the couch.

"Hey, at least we're not killing our own kind. Unlike some former soldiers in this room."

He shoved her. She laughed.

"Did I touch a nerve?"

"I swear, you and Shira plan this shit just to fuck with me." Zim complained.

"Shira? Don't tell me that's who you slept with."

He gave her a look.

"For god's sake."

"What?"

"Is nothing sacred to you? That's our best friend, you idiot."

"It was just sex. Just like it is with every other girl I hook up with. Why is this such a big deal to you?"

"Every other girl isn't our best friend." Sila complained. "Honestly, when you two went at it at Gabe's party and nothing came of it, we were all pretty certain nothing ever would. You two could have hooked up for years, but you never did. And now you do?"

"Why is this bothering you so much? Daila's our friend and I've slept with her."

"Sex first, friend later. Different."

"I'm starting to think everyone's right."

"Right about what?"

Zim pulled her close by the collar and just stared at her. She blinked, face tinted forest green under her eyes.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Nothing. Stupid idea." He let her go.

"What? Were you gonna kiss me or some shit?"

"Pft, no. Just trying to see how you'd react if I was close enough to do so."

"You're weird. So what is everyone right about?"

"You and me."

"Which is?"

"Unresolved sexual tension, for the most part." A pillow hit him in the face. "I'm serious. You freak out on me when you can feel my boner, you freak out on me about messing around with Shira, you tease me about having never slept with you like you're daring me to…something's strange with you as of late, and I'm trying to understand. Shira says you call me oblivious because I don't understand that you actually like me for more than just being friends. I think she's a moron, but with your strange behavior, I don't know. Maybe she's right, to a degree."

"I'm going to kill her."

"She's right…isn't she?"

"Of course not, moron!" Sila flushed, turning from him so he couldn't see her face. "For putting the stupid idea into your head."

"Oh, it's stupid? First I'm oblivious now, I'm stupid?"

"Not you. Wash your antennae. You are oblivious. The idea she put in your head is stupid. Like her."

"No, you know what's stupid?" He waved his hand between them. "This is stupid! We are! Fighting over the stupidest shit…this isn't like us, Sila, and honestly, I don't like it this way. Sure, I'm glad you're here, and I don't want you to go, but I don't want things to be awkward between us just because we've been apart for six years and because we're older now. I should not be fighting with the best thing to ever happen to me, alright?"

It was silent other than the sounds of the game on the TV. Zim stared at Sila, trying not to flinch when people in the game began shooting.

"Best thing to ever happen to you…?" Sila blinked. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say it was you that wanted to get with me…"

Neither spoke for a moment before both burst into laughter. Sila practically threw her controller onto the coffee table as she wiped at her eye.

"For fuck's sake, Sila, this is why I love you."

She froze. "What…?"

"As a friend." He spoke quickly, hoping she wasn't offended and didn't think he meant something that he didn't. "As a friend…or a sister…"

He could see the hurt on her face quicker than she could cover it up.

"You're still not over Zayena, are you?" She asked.

"Huh? Where is this coming from?" He wondered.

"You're snapping at me, making weird comments, and acting stranger than usual…" Sila paused. "I didn't start seeing the old you shine through until after she did what she did to you. I'd be a fool to think that getting dumped is not connected to how you've been acting all prissy. Even after getting laid with Shira, you're still on edge."

"What Zayena…she broke my frigging heart, Sils. You don't just get over that in a month or two." He sighed. "For god's sake, I was in love with the girl, and she goes and does me like that? Dumps me because Caleb told her to and go and get with some high schooler?"

"I know you don't get over that. Which is why when you act like you're over it, I know you're full of shit, but I'm too nice to call you up on it." Sila informed.

"You call this being nice?"

"I could be a lot worse, Jun." She muttered. "And you know I could. I doubt Shira would let you down easy about it either if she knew."

"Just because I had sex with her a couple times, it doesn't mean mentioning her will make me change my attitude. It was just sex. I was in the mood, she was in the mood. I'm stuck with a bunch of teenagers, an ex, a friend that's already with another friend, my siblings, and my best friend that I have no business trying to hook up with. I'm not about to get laid any time soon. And it seems like she doesn't know many people here, so neither does she. It was just a tension reliever. Don't use it as a weapon."

"Just letting you know, no one is going to let your ass off easy if you keep up with the pity party. You think I don't know why you get drunk every night? Well I damn well do, Junior." She glared. "And for you to think you've pulled the wool over my eyes is a damn insult to my intelligence."

"I don't think I have. You see through me like Teflon wrap." He laughed. "If I thought I could fool you, I'd be a complete fucking moron, wouldn't I?"

"You are a complete fucking moron, though."

"Piss off."

She laughed, standing. "I'm getting a beer. Gabe is coming over with Corbin and the girls later. Might as well pre-drink."

"I guess…" He paused. "Sils?"

"What?"

"Thanks."

She shrugged. "What are best friends for, man?"

He watched her leave, every sway of her body sending a twitch through his lower region. He moaned. Even if Sila didn't have a thing for him, he was starting to think he might have one for her.