Date: March 25, 2013

Location: Mushroom Kingdom

…

We interrupt your regular programming. This is a global emergency. Important instructions will follow.

[EAS tones, sirens]

NATIONAL ALERT

A Primary Entry Point System Issued An

EMERGENCY ACTION NOTIFICATION

The following message is being transmitted at the request of the Royal Mushroom Government. This is not a test. Repeating, this is not a test.

Luigi's attempt to free himself and Mario from King Boo's clutches and repair the Dark Moon has failed, and he was slain following a protracted battle in a paranormal dimension. Professor Gadd has been presumed dead, as well. In addition, all of Evershade Valley has fallen into anarchy, and King Boo has ordered his army of berserk ghosts to attack anyone in sight and to leave no survivors. These berserk ghosts are expected to overrun the entire planet within the next 15-25 minutes. There is nothing that humanity can do to stop this. Therefore, everyone listening to this broadcast is advised to take the following actions:

Gather with friends, family and pets, and brace for the end. Do an activity that makes you feel comfortable. If you belong to a particular religious sect, pray to your higher being or beings and repent. Do not tell young children about this event. There is no place to evacuate or take shelter from the berserk ghosts. There is no reason to stay calm. Go into panic mode, if you so desire.

A Bible verse has been selected to be read on the air. Psalm 23:4—"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

This station will permanently sign off with one last playing of our national anthem. Please, stand by as we conclude the final activation of the Emergency Alert System. May God help us all.

[EAS tones]

…

[A somber version of the original Super Mario Bros end theme plays as everyone comes to grips with their final moments in the land of the living. About 20 minutes after the station signs off for the last time, the berserk ghosts swarm the Mushroom Kingdom, followed by the rest of the world, gruesomely killing every living soul in sight. Not even the tiniest ant is left alive. King Boo's revenge is now complete, and Super Mario is condemned to spent the rest of eternity as the evil King's prize.]

Good Night…

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