Author's note: This is my first 'serious' (read: not crack!fic) attemt at a fic in a long time, so any criticism is welcome. Also, please do correct my grammar and/or spelling and tell me if I get any idioms wrong (sometimes I just imported some German sayings and prayed you can relate lol). I hope you enjoy this silly little fic I came up with while contemplating the game "Seven Minutes in Heaven" and the irony of the game, if played in "The Good Place". It took me a much longer time than expected to finish this, because I really wanted to address every "issue" playing a game like these as a pretend-torture could raise. So, please tell me how you liked it/whether it was too long to your liking etc.
Seven minutes in Heaven
In hindsight, they should have seen this coming; a lingering touch on the other person's arms, a hug, that lasted a little too long and a smile, that was a little too bright, when the other person walked into the room. Eleanor told herself that that was just how 'hot dead human'/Demon friendships worked; Michael tried to think as little about this as possibile, as it did things to his meat suit and Demon self he wasn't quite comfortable with (yet). Every time Eleanor touched him, he felt a tickling sensation on his skin and a rather warm and pleasant feeling in the area where his heart was (his real heart - mind you, not the one of his vessel). Feelings that were far too human for Michael's taste. At first he'd thought he might be allergic to humans, or, as these things only happened with Eleanor, allergic to her, but Janet had assured him that 'Demons didn't get allergies'.
"Judging by the symptoms you described, I'd say you suffer from a mild infatuation. So, no biggie", Janet said and added with a wide smile: "Jason taught me to say that. 'No biggie'." She giggled to herself and vanished. "A mild infatuation?! What a load of bullshirt", Michael thought. Demons didn't get 'infatuations'; and anyway, there was nothing mild about it at all. So, as he had no help from Janet and as there were no guides for Demons on "How to handle catching feelings for your human", Michael tried his best to ignore the tickling excitement he felt everytime Eleanor was near him. In hindsight, what was happening to both of them should have been obvious; but it was only later, in a dark and narrow closet, when realization dawned upon them.
On that day Vicky proudly presented her new 'utltimate method of the day for torturing the four humans' of the day and Michael had to - reluctantly - admit, that it was genius. Not just because it would have been an amazing torture (he regretted that this idea never occured to him), but also and especially because he tought it would be so easy to pretend-torture them while actually having fun. Now there was only one problem. "Say, Vicky", he said, carefully weighing every word as to not raise the other Demon's suspicion, "wouldn't it be best, if I were to oversee this...particular form of torture? After all, I have gained their trust, they see me as a kind of 'elderly friend'..." He deeply hoped this wasn't actually true; especially not for Eleanor. But it was as good an excuse as any, and while the Demon who called themself 'Vicky' thought they were particularly smart and cunning, they were easily manipulated when given the illusion of power. Michael knew this and he knew how to use it to his advantage. "After all, I've always wanted to partake in such mundane activity, to see what the fuss is all about." Every lie should be peppered with a spice of truth; and to top it all, he gave Vicky just what they wanted: "Why don't you take the day off?" Before Vicky could protest, Michael raised his hand and continued: "Why don't you take today off, so you can go devise a new method for the next few days. Just your ideas, no meddling on my part." Surprised, Vicky looked at Michael. "Sounds like there is a catch..." Michael raised his hands, playing all innocent. "No catch, promise. It's just, I've always wanted to do this, it just never occured to me to use this as actual torture." "Which is why I should be running this place instead of you!", Vicky said triumphantly. "But for now, I settle with the next few days." A wicked grin appeared on her face as she left the office, hinting at her develish nature behind the human facade. Michael wondered if that's how he appeared to his humans; he hoped not. In the end, whatever programm Vicky devised for them, they would be prepared, always one step ahead, because they knew they weren't actually in The Good Place. He was quite proud that they were able to keep this charade going for so long after all.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. "Hey buddy", Eleanor Shellstrop entered his office with a wide smile, her aura radiating happiness. "So, what's the 'secret' torture programm of the day?" Michael returned her smile, that familiar warmth spreading throughout his body again whenever he saw her smile like that. "Oh", he grinned (hopefully not too devilish), "you'll love this one: College Party Games. Truth or Dare, Spin the Bottle, all these little games you humans come up with when intoxicated, which usually end up sticking your foodhole in places it really doesn't belong." Kissing was such a human thing to do; he hoped that if they played he would be exempt from these kind of shenanigans. He couldn't imagine pressing the foodhole of his vessel against the food hole of one of the humans. If he really had to, he hoped it would Eleanor. Actually, he'd really like it to be Eleanor... "No, don't go down that road", he chided himself.
"Uhhh, Michael, you devil! That wasn't your idea, was it?" He sighed, not really wanting to admit the truth, because she seemed so intrigued by the idea. "No, it wasn't; it was Vicky's. I've always wanted to play these games though, so luckly I could convince her to let me 'oversee' this torture... It's weird, I've never even thought about using these games as torture." "Are you forking kidding me, man?", Eleanor laughed, "Have you seen us? This would have been the ultimate torture! Poor 'Jianyu', who would have had to keep quiet the whole evening, even though I bet Jason would love nothing more than to share all the ridiculous things he did in life; Tahani would have the culture shock of her after-life, because", Eleanor said with her best impression of Tahani, "'this is not what you're supposed to do at a party!' Then", she continued, "there's poor Chidi, who - as much as I like and respect him - cannot make a decision if his forking life depended on it. Can you imagine", she stifled a laugh and pretended to be a very distressed Chidi, "'Oh Gosh, oh gosh, what should I choose? Everyone expects me to go with 'Truth', so, for the element of surpise, I should take 'Dare'. But what if it's a nasty 'Dare', one I really don't want to do? 'Truth' is always the safest option, but what even is 'Truth'?'"
Michael couldn't help himself, he practically dissolved into laughter. "You know, Shellstrop, you would have made a fine Demon." Had anyone else said that, Eleanor would have dismissed it as a lame insult, but she knew Michael and she knew this wasn't meant as an insult. "A rather tasteless compliment consindering we're all trying to become better people, don't you think?" "Oh no no no", he quickly corrected, "I didn't mean it like that. Demons have lots of other qualities than just being evil. I just meant to say that...you're very clever, very...cunning and you surprise me every day. I always thought I knew everything about you because I read your file, yet here you are, defying expectations every day. But anyway", he interrupted himself, suddenly very aware of the blush spreading over Eleanor's cheeks (and possibly other parts of her body), steering the conversation towards less 'dangerous' territory, "you think we can make this 'torture' torture-free for you guys today? Like coach Tahani and Chidi on the basic rules of 'Human Party Games'? Because you and I both know they've never really played like you and Jason did." He added the last bit with a wink and a knowing smile and Eleanor knew fully well what he was implying. Oh, she's had her fair share of hook-ups and more resulting from an evening playing 'Truth or Dare' and 'Spin the bottle'; of course, Michael knew that, too. Did he really just hint at what she tought he was hinting at? And if he did, why did that make her knees all weak and her mind wander to thoughts she really shouldn't be thinking; at least not about Michael? Eleanor needed a moment to collect herself, which didn't go unnoticed by Michael. He saw her uneasiness and - surprinsingly - intrigue; also a tiny amount of horniness, but it was still Eleanor Shellstrop he was talking to, so that was nothing unusual. But what was it that she found so intriguing? Oh how he wished he could read her thoughts. Oftentimes, reading her aura brought him more confusion than clarity. Finally, the confusing colours around her dimmed and she was her usual happy self.
"I can totally do that! So, how much time have I got? When is this 'non-torture' scheduled?" She grinned, full of anticipation for this evening. If she talked to Chidi and Tahani and made sure everyone was comfortable, she was sure this could turn into a very pleasant little party. "Oh, and one more question: can we get Shrimp and Margaritas?"
The game night was scheduled for 8pm, which left Eleanor plenty of time to prepare Tahani and Chidi for the things to come. "Yo, dawg, once when I played 'Dare or Dare', we accidentally burned down a warehouse. We only went to light up parts of it, buuuut that didn't work out so well. It was abandoned tho, so no harm done. Aaaand it was awesome." Eleanor started to wonder if it had been such a good idea to enlist the help of Jason. "Jason, the game is called 'Truth or Dare'. That's because you can always choose between the two. 'Dare or Dare' is not really a thing." "Me 'n' Pillboi used to play it like that, 'cos we already knew everything about each other, also, why would I want to hear 'Truth' when I can just go and blow stuff up?" "Ok, ok", now Eleanor was sure it had been a mistake to ask Jason, "no one has to 'blow stuff up'. Usually, when I played it, I was also blowing stuff, if ya know what I mean." Eleanor gave her best suggestive wink, but Tahani and Chidi looked not amused. "Look", she tried again, "this can be fun. We can actually get to know each other better, maybe I'll finally get to kiss Tahani..." "What if Tahani doesn't want to be kissed by you?", Chidi interrupted, a serious expression o his face. "Because ethically speaking..." "Yo, homie, that's the great: no one has to do anything they don't wanna do. Like once, we had this chick in my dance crew who really didn't wanna do this one move", Jason got up and demonstrated a rather saucy and sexual dance move, "and instead of talking her into it, the whole crew just decided to do another move. Yeah, we lost the competition, but our crew won a new sick move and everyone in the crew felt comfortable. Sooooo, that's what's all about." Eleanor couldn't hide her smile, now she remembered why she'd asked Jason. Sometimes, a whacky story about his whacky dance crew was all it needed. Chidi seemed to visibly relax. "So, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do?" "Exactly", Eleanor answered. Even though she remembered the rules of games like these quite differently, with peer pressure almost always forcing you to do thing you wouldn't normally do, she let this one slide, if it meant Chidi would be comfortable and might actually have some fun. Tahani on the other hand still looked somewhat skeptical.
"I just don't think these silly 'games' are appropriate for people such as myself. I'm sure Prince William, you know, the second in line to the British Crown, has never played something like this. Harry has probably, but well... Like I said, people such as myself..." While Tahani was still muttering about the importance of being earnest, Eleanor walked over to her friend, layed a hand on her soulder and said: "Even people 'such as yourself' deserve to have fun once in a while. Not your posh, British upper class kinda fun, but real, disgusting, amazing fun. I mean, we're already in hell; no harm in going a little crazy tonight. And anyways, we're all friends here, right? It's not like learning each other's secrets and hopefully also kissing each other is gonna make things awkward." Oh how wrong she had been.
When Michael arrived for his scheduled 'torture', everyone was - mainly thanks to Eleanor, partly thanks to an unlimited access to margaritas - in a really good mood, ready to be 'tortured'. "You know, Michael", Chidi said, while offering him a margarita, "if Eleanor hadn't talked me through this and if I didn't know this was actually a plan to torture me, playing 'Truth or Dare' would have literally been the perfect torture for me. I would have been so freaked out, contemplating what I should choose. Everyone expects me to go with 'Truth', so, for the element of surpise, should I take 'Dare'? But what if it's a nasty 'Dare', one I really don't want to do? 'Truth' is always the safest option, but in the end, what even is 'Truth'? Man, I'm really thankful you never came up with this idea in the other reboots. I would have been miserable!" Michael noted that Eleanor had apparently not told the others, that this wasn't his plan, but Vickys. He couldn't really say why, but he was glad. He didn't want to appear weak in front of the others; weak, really weak, was something he only allowed Eleanor to see. He absentmindedly patted a confused looking Chidi on the back and, margarita in hand, made his way to Eleanor.
"Finally", Eleanor greeted him with a warm smile, "we can begin our torture." "Good to see you, too. This is for you", he handed her the margarita and her smile grew even wider. "Awww", she said, half jokingly, "you shouldn't have!" Michael grinned and then said, a little louder, so everyone could hear him: "Guys, this is such an exciting day for me! I've always wanted to play these stupid games, and now I get to play them with my four favourite humans!" "I think this is the time for a group hug", Jason suddendly said and proceeded to hug each and everyone. "Jason, this is technically not how a group hug works, but I respect the sentiment.", Michael laughed graciously. "So", he continued, the excitement in his voice barely concealed, "shall we?" Eleanor produced an empty bottle from somewhere, but Michael quickly interrupted her. "I thought we would play 'Truth or Dare'?! I could really do without a game where the prime objective is to press my foodhole against someone else's." Eleanor couldn't help but laugh at the way Michael was almost pouting. But he couldn't help but notice the hint of disappointment in her aura. And if there was one thing he really didn't want to do this evening, it was disappointing Eleanor Shellstrop. "Maybe later this evening", he conceded, "when I've had my fair share of antimatter." "Although", the small voice in his head, that he kept ignoring, said, "I don't need antimatter to be wanting to kiss you." Wanting to kiss Eleanor Shellstrop was such a human feeling, Michael tried his best to shut it out. His answer seemed to please Eleanor, who announced they'd be playing 'Truth or Dare' now.
Even though Eleanor had given him a very reassuring pep talk, Chidi started to feel uncomfortable again. Michael immediately picked this up and with a wide smile, turned to his friend: "I almost forgot: Janet!" With a Ding!, Janet appeared, a strange looking machine in her hands, which she handed over to Michael. "Michael asked me to design a machine for you, that would choose between 'Truth' or 'Dare' randomly. It's not a perfect solution for your problematic behaviour, but it should make your evening a lot more pleasant." Chidi looked stunned. Lost for words, all he could mumble was a 'thank you', before testing out the device. "Michael, that was awfully kind of you", Tahani remarked, an obvious note of surprise in her tone. "I always knew you had it in you", Eleanor said, a hint of pride in her voice. She couldn't believe Michael had been so...considerate. He was becoming more and more human every day and she couldn't help but admit that she really, really liked it. 'Evil' Michael was sexy - she had admitted that to heself a long time ago -, but this new Michael, this 'human' Michael, he was something even more. She couldn't really place it, but the way he smiled when he saw how happy he'd made Chidi, it just did something to her.
"Hey, what if we let Janet play with us?" Jason suggested, "that girl's so fine and I bet she knows a lotta truths." "Not a girl", Janet, who'd as usual appeared out of nowhere, chimed, "but as I know everything, I do know 'a lotta truths'." "Can I go first?", Michael, who had already sat down on the couch, asked, eager to finally play. The four humans and the not-a-girl happily complied and sat in a circle. With the most earnest expression they had ever seen him put on, Michael spun the bottle, and, when it landed on Chidi, sat up straight and whispered with reverence in his voice: "Chidi, Truth or Dare?" Chidi pressed a button on his new machine. "And the machine says...'Truth'!" "Okay, so, where and with whom was your first kiss?" Before Chidi even had time to answer, Michael already blurted out the answer. "Ohhhh, this is so fun! I wanna go again." Before he could take the bottle once more, Eleanor put her hand on it and said slightly exasperated: "Michael, buddy, this is not how this game works. You have to let Chidi answer." "But I already know everything about each and everyone of you", Michael protested and Eleanor couldn't help but smile. "You may know everything", Tahani said gently, "but we don't. Personally, I would love to hear this story from Chidi himself." "But...", Michael wanted to protest some more, but Janet interrupted him. "The data I have collected about these party games is conclusive, Michael. It is now Chidi's part to answer a question, not your's, even if you already know the answer." To everyone's surprise, Chidi spoke up: "You know what?! Jason's right, Truth is really stupid. In terms of this game of course! Not that I'd actually think the truth was stupid, I mean, I'm a professor of moral philosophy and..." "Chidi...", Eleanor interrupted him, with a mockingly stern expression on her face. "Right", Chidi continued, "what I was about to say is: I think we alreay know everything about each other; everything that is important at least. We shouldn't let who we were on earth define who we are now. So, Janet, I dare you to get us all more margaritas and a cup of antimatter for our special friend here!" And thus, the party got started. Suddenly, all the tension had evaporated and left everyone in high spirits. Jason dared Eleanor to kiss Tahani, who gladly complied and shared a passionate kiss with the tall brunette. Michael dared Chidi to change into one of Tahani's elegant party dresses, and under roaring laughter from everyone he showcased his hidden talent for modeling and his exceptionally fine legs. Jason showed off his 'sickest dance moves', Eleanor dared Tahani to eat a cheeseburger, because 'no one looks good eating a burger'. Turns out, even eating a burger is something Tahani could do gracefully. All in all, they had great fun. For one evening, they could almost forget they were actually doomed for eternity. It was quite pleasant.
As pleasant as it was spending time together with everyone, Michael couldn't stop looking at Eleanor. Sometimes, he caught her stealing glances at him, but everytime their eyes met, she quickly looked away. He wondered what that meant. "Soooo, hot stuff", she staggered over to him, margarita in hand and a slight slur in her voice. He noticed how she'd used the nickname usually reserved for Tahani and that made him feel things. "Someone promised to play 'Spin the Bottle' with me. And, y'know, it's basically Ethics 101 to never break a promise." Eleanor teasingly ran her fingers over his chest and suddenly Michael felt he had trouble breathing normally. He shouldn't need to breathe, he shouldn't feel the things Eleanor did to his vessel, and yet, he did. Maybe it was the antimatter...maybe it was something more.
Unbeknownst to Michael and Eleanor, who stood a little apart from the rest of the group, the other three humans and the 'not-a-girl', who in the meantime someone (it was definitely Jason) had given a pair of magnets to, noticed the tension between the two and suddenly fell quite. "Should we...leave them?", Chidi whispered, unsure whether he read the situation right. "That's not how this works, Cheeeede", Janet slurred. "Watch this and learnnn: Hey guys, I choose you for 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'! Now go and...have fun, or whatever." And with a distinct Ding! a closet appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, trapping Eleanor and Michael inside. "Now we can go", Janet giggled, leaving behind a very bewildered Chidi and Tahani. Jason seemed as unimpressed as always. "Soooo, do we go home now? Because I'm kinda tired and also I still have some Pop Tarts at home, sooo... Night!" and with that, he got up and went out of the door, leaving only Chidi and Tahani, and a giant closet in the room. "Alright", Chidi began, "I'll probably head out too, but first: Janet!" Ding! "Hey, that's meee..." "Hand over the magnets!" Janet started to pout, but Chidi remained firm, so she reluctantly gave him the magnets. "Now that that's settled...", he smiled at Tahani, "shall we?" He offered her his arm, which she gladly took, escaping this evening that had ended on such a weird note. "Whatever is going on with Eleanor and Michael?", Tahani wondered.
"What the fork?", Eleanor exclaimed, desperately trying not to bump into anything in the dark and narrow closet. "'Seven Minutes in Heaven'?", she thought, "How ironic. What in the devil's name had gotten into Janet of all non-people?" "Michael?", she asked into the dark, reaching out with er hands, trying to feel if he was still with her. "I'm here", he said, his vioce strangely hoarse. "Are you ok?" Finally, her hands had found him and she felt a relived sigh leave her lips. Navigating along his upper body, she tried to steady herself and felt an odd beating below his chest. "Is...that your heart?", she asked fascinated. "One of the three, yes." He swallowed hard, still debating whether he should really tell her this next thing: "You shouldn't be able to feel it. This vessel should not show any signs of my true form, of my true...feelings. Yet here you are, standing in front of me in this damn closet, feeling my actual hearts beat. Like I said, you suprise me every day." Of course, even through the darkness he could still see her. She was blushing again. He saw it in all nine dimensions and suddenly he felt the overwhelming urge to kiss her. But this was not the right moment; not for her, at least. "And anyway", he chided himself, "Demons don't just kiss humans. That's just not how it works."
"You remember, how you said to me that I would have made a fine Demon?" He wanted to interrupt her, but she put her finger on his lips and continued: "I've thought about that, and how you meant it. Well, I think you would make a fine human..." "Rude!", Michael wanted to protest, but stopped himself, because he could see she wasn't done yet. "How you never even considered torturing us with Party Games, even though you've always wanted to play those yourself and this would have been the perfect opportunity; how you thought about helping Chidi and genuiely tried to make the evening enjoyable for everyone... You're kind, Michael. You still need to work a lot, but deep down, you're a good...person. You focus on the small things, you find something special and unique in everything. Those are pretty human qualities. So you know", he could see her looking up to him, a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes, "maybe you and I...we're not all that different. Maybe in finding each other, we've finally found ourselves."
"Now", Michael thought, bent down to her and finally, finally locked lips with her. Whoever told him that kissing was disgusting had clearly never kissed Eleanor Shellstrop before. Suddenly, all the weird feelings he'd experienced made sense. And suddenly, he didn't care anymore that those were 'human' feelings and 'human' experiences. Because with her, it just felt right.
The kiss took Eleanor by surprise and what surprised her even more, was her reaction: Sure, in a very remote corner of her mind, she'd long fantasized about kissing Michael, but she never thought it would actually happen. And she cerntainly never thought that she, Eleanor Shellstrop, would practically melt in Michael's arms when it happened. She'd always imagined herself initiating the kiss, calm, collected and drop-dead gorgeous as usual. She was none of those things; and somehow, that made it all the more beautiful. Right at that moment, the narrow closet in The Bad Place felt like actual... "So that's why it's called 'Seven Minutes in Heaven'." "Oh you forking Idiot", Eleanor said, pressing him against the wall and trying to losen his bow-tie. "Come on", she gave him a suggestive grin, "let's make the most of our remaining minutes." "Oh actually, the other's left a while ago. We have all the time in the world." And with a snap of his fingers, Michael let the closet disappear, swept Eleanor off her feet and carried her over to the bed. "Wait a minute", Eleanor stared at him, "you could have made that closet disappear the whole time? Why didn't you free us sooner?" "Oh, you know", Michael said in an almost flirty tone, "I quite like being stuck with you!"