YES YES...judging by the chapter title you all know what's coming. But I won't spoil anything else. Please, pull up a chair and prepare for the hurt.
Enjoy...as much as you can.
Break up
A month later...
~Lilly's POV~
"So what are you doing tonight?" April said through the phone.
I struggled to keep the phone pinned between my shoulder and my ear whilst I changed my brother's diaper. "Babysitting, why? Did you want to hang out?"
"Babysitting? Again?" She asked.
"Yeah. Barry and my mother haven't had a date night so since I'm not doing anything, I said I'd watch Tony." I was finally able to put the diaper on the right way this time and sighed. Now I had to put on his pants.
"Oh… Weren't you hanging out with Raph today?"
Fuck, I forgot about that. I rolled my eyes and sighed, "Oh...yeah..." I went into the kitchen and placed Anthony in his high chair so I could prepare his bottle.
"Are you guys still having the same problems?" April asked.
I sighed, grabbing one already bottled milk and placed it in the microwave. "I'm sick of having the same conversation." I switched the phone from one ear to the next. "We've been fighting a lot and I'm not in the mood to fight today."
April laughed a bit, "Wow, this guy is an idiot."
"Yeah, and he is so hardheaded that he'll continue to try and get his point across after I've stated multiple times that I didn't want to talk about children ever again."
"Maybe it has something to do with your brother," April said.
The microwave beeped, so I took the bottle out then tested it on my wrist. "It does! I know it does."
"Did you want me to talk to him?" April asked.
"Why? If he's not going to listen to me, he's not going to listen to anyone." Instead of continuing the conversation yet again, I decided to change the subject. I don't want anyone involved in this besides me and Raph, and I don't even want to be involved. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay, that's fine. I just want both of you to be happy."
"Yeah well, I don't think we are right now. I haven't had sex with him in like a month and a half."
"Oh...so it's that serious?" April joked.
I nodded, "We're fighting all the fucking time. I'm sick of it. He hasn't even slept over. He leaves every time we finish fighting so we haven't done anything."
"Do you remember what I told you?" April began before stopping.
After a long pause, I got tired of waiting. "About what?"
"About Raph trying to get you to break up with him?"
I had to think about that for a while. Would Raph do that?
"I mean, he's constantly bringing up a subject you don't want to talk about, you fight because of it, maybe this is his way of trying to get you to break up with him."
I suddenly became very angry, so angry in fact that I started laughing. I shook my head, "I haven't thought about it because I honestly think he's smarter than that." I didn't think about that possibility because…I was hoping he wasn't trying to do that. I was hoping that he wanted to fight for this relationship more than anything.
"Talk about it with him. I'm just saying its a possibility, doesn't mean he's doing it." April quickly said.
Nobody wants us to break up, no one is thinking about that. Raph knows that if that subject is ever to be brought up, we either break up or shut up. "We'll see…"
"In the meantime, I've been meaning to tell you, I asked Donnie to come over so we could talk about some stuff."
I gasped before smiling, "And you need some pointers? Okay, well, don't expect any fireworks, Raph wasn't so great the first couple times. But if Donnie is anything like Raph, I suggest you take Ibuprofen at least 30 minutes before the actual act. Take like four, since you're new to this stuff."
April let out a small squeak before falling into fits of laughter. "Oh my God! I hate you so much! NO!" She laughed. "I'm going to get this over with and tell him what's going on."
"It's about time. I knew not confronting your feelings was the wrong way to go." I chuckled. Anthony suddenly burped after he finished his milk. I set the bottle down and placed him on my shoulder so I could burp him. "I hope that helps, whatever the outcome may be."
"I hope so too."
Soon, I felt something wet on my shoulder, when I pulled Anthony away from my self, he suddenly upchucked all over my chest. "Oh no! Anthony, all over my shirt? You drank too fast! Hey, April, I gotta go. Anthony just threw up all over me. I'll update you later on my situation with Raph."
"And I'll update you on the situation with Donnie," April said.
"Good, love you, bye," I said quickly, hanging up the phone and quickly running back into my mom's room so I could set Anthony down and take off my shirt. "You need to give me a warning sign before you puke. Like a cry, or at least start gagging. And slow down when you eat."
Anthony smiled at me before letting out a tiny gurgle, which made me nervous so as I took off my shirt I grabbed him again and flipped him over in my arms and held my shirt up to his mouth. "Let's not choke on our vomit now, please." I wiped his face with my shirt just in case any more puke came up. "Babies either puke or crap, no in-between." I walked out of the room and up the stairs, cradling him in my arms. "My sweetie just threw up all your food." Anthony turned his head and began to nibble on my bra. I pulled him away from my chest. "You're not going to get anything out of there, no you're not."
Once in my room, I place him as far away from the edge from the bed, "Let me go wash this barf off of myself and I'll be right back, my love." He smiled at me and let out a little laugh. I then headed to the bathroom, took some toilet paper, and began to wash my chest. I think this is another reason why I don't want children.
Coming from the bedroom, I heard Anthony's little squeals and coos. I was about to look to see why he was making so much noise but I knew why. For some reason, all he does when he sees Raph is make happy noises. I don't know why, but it is adorable. After I was done wiping myself, I walked out of the bathroom and found Raph, holding and bouncing Anthony around. Yeah, I was mad at him but that sight made my heart swell.
I went over to my closet and took out another shirt to put that on.
"Hi, Lil," Raph said, coming over to me and kissing my cheek. "Why are you shirtless?"
"Because Anthony decided to puke all over me."
"Awe, did you throw up all over your sister?" Raph chuckled. Raph pinched his cheeks which caused Anthony to gurgle. "Man, this little guy is getting bigger and bigger every time I see him." I turned around and reached out to grab Anthony, Raph avoided me. "I got him,"
"He has to go to sleep, Raph."
"He's not tired. If he were tired he'd be crying." Raph said. When I crossed my arms across my chest in frustration, Raph sighed. "Lil', I didn't come to fight."
"You always say that, and then you bring up that stupid subject and…" I sighed, this isn't what I wanted to do. "We have to talk, gimme my brother," I ordered.
Raph frowned, kissing Anthony's temple before handing him to me. When I had Anthony in my hand he looked at me for a moment before making a small whimper and looking back at Raph. I rolled my eyes and gave him back to Raph, "Fine,"
Raph let out a little laugh before taking Anthony and cradling him carefully in his arms.
"Raph we seriously have to talk."
"Then talk," he said, sitting at the edge of the bed, his attention only on Anthony.
At first, his tone threw me back, but I decided to just take a deep breath and not bite his head off in front of my brother. "Raph, do you want to break up with me?"
Raph snapped his head at me, "What?"
"You heard me." My voice was very soft.
Raph sighed, "Lillian, you know I don't..." He stopped before shaking his head. "I mean, Jesus, I'd marry you if you'd let me."
My eyes widened for a moment and although that did make my heart flutter, you could bet money I was about to shit my pants.
"I'm asking because you are the one constantly bringing up this 'kid' subject. You are constantly starting these fights. So...are you trying to get me to break up with you?"
Raph looked down at Anthony instead of answering me.
I could feel my heart breaking inside my chest, it was so painful that tears began to form. April was right and I was wrong…at least that's what it looked like. "Raph?"
"Nothing I say will be the right answer so I'm not saying anything." He growled.
"Is it really that serious?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly.
Raph didn't look at me, he didn't even answer. He just continued to look down at Anthony.
"Raph, answer me."
"What do you want me to say?"
I sighed, "Something..." I noticed that the more and more we continued this conversation the more agitated Anthony became. I had to contain myself, but it was so hard. "Raph, please...say something."
Raph let out a breath then lifted his head up and glared at me, "Lillian, you deserve something better. A family, a child, something normal. You need to decide that for yourself. I'm not going to be the reason your life feels incomplete. I'm not going to be and I don't want to be."
"So you're going to break up with me?" I chuckled darkly. "Better yet, you're trying to get me to break up with you so that way it's on me?"
Raph shook his head, "No Lillian, that's not what I'm trying to do. I don't want to end on a bad note, I want it to be mutual."
"That's not going to happen," I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
Anthony stirred a little in Raph's arms, causing Raph to rock him slowly. "You're upsetting your brother."
"You're upsetting me," I growled, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "I want to be with you. Isn't that enough?"
Raphael stood up, still rocking Anthony, "It is enough, Lillian. You've always been enough for me. I'm the one who's not enough."
I went up and grabbed his face, "You have always been enough. You're everything that I want in someone…I'd spend the rest of my life with."
"I won't let you."
"But you just said-"
"That's what I want to do. But if you're too young to think about having children then you're too young to push that choice off the table. I won't let you."
I groaned in frustration, "You are such an idiot!" I yelled. Soon after that Anthony began to whimper which turned into a cry. "How could even think about leaving me?"
"It wouldn't be permanent."
I laughed, "Well thanks for the heads up!" I watched as Raph struggled to calm the crying baby in his arms down. I immediately reached out to grab Tony, then shushed and bounced him until he stopped crying. "Ya está..." I whispered. I shouldn't have yelled.
I walked out of the room then down the stairs, heading to my mother's room. Once Tony was calm enough, I set him down in his crib and rocked it so he would fall asleep. "I'm sorry I yelled. Everything's okay."
With his hand in his mouth and tears on his cheek, he finally calmed down and stared at me with tired eyes. He was going to fall asleep soon.
"See, this is what I mean." Raph came in, his voice was very soft.
"Let's not have this conversation here. He's very perceptive and I don't want to fight in front of him." I said, continuing to rock him.
"Lillian, you're going to be an excellent mother. The best. You're telling me that you don't want kids, but you're a natural mother." Raph continued softly. "Yeah, you're young, you got a future ahead of you. But...to throw all that away now? For me? I won't let you. Ever."
I looked back at him, tears falling from my eyes. His eyes were just like mine, sad, broken...like he had already decided. He had made up his mind. If we don't break up now, we will soon. God, this was so stupid.
We both stayed there silent while I turned my attention back on Tony and watched him slowly fall asleep. After I made sure he was asleep, I walked passed Raph and out of the room, waiting for him to come out so I could close the door.
"Are we together now?" I asked.
Raph sighed, shaking his head. "I don't want to leave you but I know it's only fair to leave."
"Fair to who?" I snapped, walking over to the stairs so I could sit somewhere.
"To you. I know it hurts-"
"No, you don't." I wiped my tears. "I've opened up to you. I brought you into my home. You met my family. You've saved me. You were my friend, you made me trust again. I fell in love again. And now after all that, this ends? After everything I've done for you and you've done for me, you want to back out now? I knew this from the moment Donnie told us."
"We don't have to break up now."
"I'm not going on like this, Raphael. I'm not going to wake up every morning and stress myself out just thinking 'is he going to do it today'. Break up with me now or don't. We are not going to play this little game."
He didn't say anything, he just sighed and knelt in front of me. Man, I was so angry I wanted to kick him. I just wanted him to get away from me. But something in me was preventing me from saying that. I didn't want him to go, I wanted to pretend like none of this ever happened and just got back to normal.
If I wanted a kid, I would want Raph's kid, I don't see myself having anybody else's kid but Raph's. I'd want to grow old with him. I would be content being with Raph for the rest of my life.
"This is the start of your life. You're heading into your senior year, then college, then you'll be something. You'll be someone." He placer his hand on my knee, to which I glared at him through the tears that fell continuously. "Then maybe you'll marry, have babies and live a full life like you deserve."
I grabbed his hand despite my glare, "My life won't be complete without you in it, you idiot."
Raph chuckled for a moment, letting his head drop before he pulled his hand away from my knee and pressed two fingers into his eyes.
He was crying.
I wanted to throw my arms around his neck, hold him close and tell him I loved him. But no... If this was a breakup, I don't want to make it worse. I don't want to make it harder. But man, did I want to hold him.
"Look at me," I whispered. When he didn't I reached out and lifted his face, revealing tear-filled eyes. "You don't have to hide from me."
"I'm not I'm just..." He let out a jagged breath. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
That was all I needed to hear to understand that this was it. After today, we were no longer together. I pulled away from him, "Can you..." I hugged myself. "...stay...just for tonight? Then tomorrow..." I couldn't finish the sentence.
Raph looked like he didn't want to, "I don't know..."
"I'm babysitting because my parents are..." I said before I could even think. I smiled a bit. "Parents..." I rubbed my face before wiping my eyes. "My parents are going out tonight so it's just me and Tony..."
"Parents?" Raph chuckled.
"Yeah..."
"Hmm..."
"I'll order pizza?" I bribed, hopefully.
Raph looked at me with sympathetic eyes and smiled softly, before sighing. "Okay..."
Later that evening...
"Okay, we'll be back around eleven-thirty. Call us if you need any help, we won't be far." Barry said before leaning over to kiss my forehead. "Seeya babe."
"Text me if you need anything. You have enough milk in the fridge, enough diapers, enough-"
"Mom, we get it. We'll call if we need anything." I laughed.
Barry was practically pushing my mother out the door, "Alright, come on honey, our reservations are in 20 minutes. Bye guys." Barry said with a smile.
"Please try to pay attention to the baby and not each other okay?" My mother asked before finally leaving, waving goodbye as she left.
Don't worry, mom. For once I think none of us are in the mood.
I went over to lock the door before walking back to the couch where Raph was sitting, watching TV. I went over to sit next to him but put enough distance away from each other. We haven't spoken more than two or three words at a time to each other. I don't think there is much left to say. I know where Raph stands, I know nothing will change his mind. Such a hardheaded asshole he is...
I looked over at him.
But man, did I love this asshole. This fucking sucks more than anything I've ever experienced.
"Raph," I called. He turned to look, raising a brow ridge as if to say 'yeah'. "Do me a favor?"
He nodded.
I moved to face him, "Don't hesitate to fall in love again."
He snorted, before shaking his head. "After you, Lilly, no one will ever love me like you do."
"And if someone does?"
He shook his head, "I don't think-"
"Just promise me you'll fall in love again. If given the chance, love someone like you loved me. Don't let me...hold you back. Once you're over me, go-"
"I'll never be over you, Lillian." He said. "This isn't something I want to do. This isn't easy. I want to be with you, but it's better if you're not. This is something I'll never get over."
"Then why do it?" I snapped.
Raph rolled his eyes and shook his head, "Jesus Lillian..."
"You haven't given me a good enough answer. It makes it seem like you don't want to be with me and are just making up some lame excuse."
"Lame? Lame?!" Raph laughed sarcastically.
"Yes, it's fucking lame. What, you think when Donnie told me about us not being able to have kids, I immediately thought 'oh no, now I have to break up with Raph'? Not once did the thought of having kids crossed my mind when I got with you, nor did it cross my mind after I found out we couldn't. Don't I get a say in this? Shouldn't I get a voice in this matter?"
"No," he said shaking his head. "I love you, Lillian. So much, that I'm willing to leave you for it. I'm not going to be a crutch. You're just starting life! I'm not holding you back."
"Who says you will?"
"I do! I will! You're going to finish school, go to college, become someone! I...I can't help you with that. I can't give you that."
"What if I don't want to go to college?"
"But you do."
"How do you know?"
"Because I know you. You don't want what your mom and dad had. Nothing. You want something. You don't want to be like Barry who can give you more than enough help to be anyone you want to be. You want to be your own person, no help from anybody. I want that for you. I will not be the one person holding you back."
"Why do you think I'll let you hold me back?"
Raph sighed, calming himself down before sitting back on the sofa.
I waited but received no answer. "Hello?"
"Lillian,"
"Stop talking to me like I'm your fucking daughter. I am still your girlfriend."
Raphael finally stood up, clenching his fists at his sides, "You rely too much on me. You-" he stopped. "When you first told me about what happened to you, I…"
My mouth fell open…
"I felt closer to you. I felt like I had to protect you, no matter what. I wanted nothing but the best for you, but I knew I couldn't give that to you unless I erase myself from the picture." It took him all that he could to look at me. "I am not the best for you Lillian, but I know after everything we've been through, you'd never leave. So that's why I have to be the one who leaves."
"Because…you're not the best for me?"
He nodded, "That's not me."
Without warning, a tear fell from my eyes. We both fell silent for what seemed like an eternity. Raph healed some parts of me, now he wants to leave me. Break me again after fixing me.
"Don't..." he sighed, almost like he was forcing himself to say something. "Don't stop yourself from falling for someone else. There may not be hope for me, but you?"
I shut my mouth and swallowed the words I wanted to say down. I wanted to tell him there will be no love after him but...I didn't. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. "Raph,"
He didn't answer, he just waited.
Just then we both turned and looked over at my mother's room when we heard Tony softly crying. I sighed, whipping my tears before I got up and went to the room to get him. No more tears, I had a life I had to continue. With or without Raphael.
"Hi, my love..." I said to Tony, picking him up quickly realizing he was wet and needed to be changed. I set him down on my mother's bed before undoing his tiny pants and then taking off his diaper. "What did you do? Pee-pee? Did you go pee-pee?"
Tony sniffed before giving me a toothless smile and laughing.
I reached over to wipe his tears, "Baby boy," I said with a smile.
My little brother meant more to me than I ever thought imaginable. Just last year, my mother was in an abusive relationship, there was barely any money to spend...and now, it looks like I'm starting a whole new chapter by myself. A brother, a future...a new dad. I have to do this all by myself...
My brother looked over to his side at the door before reaching out towards it. I looked over, smiling when I saw Raph there. "You can leave, although, he might not like it."
Raph came in slowly, his eyes weren't warm, I noticed. They were dark and broken when they looked at me, but seeing Tony reach out for him suddenly made him look all the more broken, but he tried his best to hide it behind a smile.
I cleaned Tony up but before I could get his pants on, Raph grabbed him and began bouncing him in his arms. "Hey, little man, how you doing?" He asked Tony.
Tony places his hands on Raph's face and cooed.
"If I hadn't said anything," I need to stop asking questions so he could stop telling me shit I don't want to hear. "When would you have...left?"
Raph shook his head, "For the past two weeks I kept telling myself to leave you. But I couldn't. Today, you brought up the subject so I figured..." he stopped before turning back to Tony.
"I don't want to leave you," I said, reaching out to touch his arm.
He instead grabbed my hand, I felt my heart jump in my throat. "I do. This is something I want to do. Not because I don't love you but because you don't deserve the amount of bullshit you've had to experience just because you're with me. And this kid thing..."
"Raph, I told you I don't want a kid."
He squeezed my hand, "Lilly, you're not asking a very important question and frankly the fact that you haven't thought about what I want is selfish and starting to piss me off."
My eyes widened, his tone bringing more tears to my eyes. I looked away in shame. I wasn't asking Raph what he wanted. If he wanted a child...did he? "I didn't know..."
"Yeah, well, neither did I until I saw you taking care of Tony." He shrugged. "You looked...natural. And I know we've talked about not having any because we couldn't but..." he looked back at Tony who placed a hand on his mouth. "It may not be in the picture for me, but for you Lilly,"
I still think this whole thing is dumb. "If I'm going to have kids I want you to be the father."
Raph smiled sadly, "You know that's something I can't do. Not because I don't want to."
I rolled my eyes before bringing his hand to my mouth, "Donnie told us a while ago and it didn't matter to me then."
"Yeah, and it didn't really matter to me either but now it does. Now I see that not only am I dangerous, but I'm also preventing you from living life to the fullest."
"You're just saying the same thing over and over again," I growled.
"Because you keep asking the same question over and over again." Nope, no point in arguing. We're through…
"I just…" I felt my lip trembling. "I don't want to break up."
"Maybe when you're older, and you find out—"
"No, Raph. No, this is it. I am not waiting, I'm not doing this on and off again bullshit with you. I can't do that with you, with myself… This is it. That's why I'm so fucking upset that you would go ahead and make this fucking decision without me." I threw his hand away from me and turned around to wipe my eyes. "You're dumping me because you think I'm better off without you. When you were like…my hero." I faced him once again, his eyes were wide. "You fixed me. I was messed up for a long fucking time, then you came along and fixed me. Now, you're breaking me again. Again?!"
"Lillian, don't yell…"
"Raphael, you…" I went over to grab Tony, who resisted for a moment but settled in my arms once he saw how upset I was. I went over to set him down in his crib before I went back over to Raph and gave him a push. "You think you're doing something good but you're literally ripping my heart out and breaking it in front of me. You are doing what every other man in my life has done to me. You're fucking breaking me."
Raph looked like I had snapped his arm in half, pain-filled his eyes but before he opened his mouth to say something, he closed it. He clenched his fists at his side before turning around and walking out of the room.
I held a hand to my chest when my heart felt like it was burning in my chest. I went over to my mother's bed and laid down before I broke down. I know I'm young and just starting life but I never thought I would have to picture my life without him in it. After being hunted down, revealing our relationship to everyone, having almost split up two families, all of it…was for nothing. All because of something so stupid that we all knew from the very beginning. Not only was I pissed off that he decided to break up with me over something stupid like this, but I was also hurt that I opened myself up only to have to force myself to shut out everyone once again.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this one…
~Raph's POV~
Not a day goes by where I don't regret this decision. A week has passed and thankfully no one has asked me about Lillian yet. I haven't received a call or a text from her. She hasn't come over, I don't even think she's talking to April anymore either. I hope this wasn't forever, her cutting out April at least, they were friends before she and I were together.
I can't even say her name and I'm doing my best to play off like I'm not fucking breaking inside and each day it's getting harder and harder. I've started meditating in the morning just so I could get some peace throughout the day but...nothing. She said it herself, there's no going back on this. This ship has sailed.
I'm surprised and relieved that no one has asked me about her. I don't want to talk about it to anyone.
"Hey, Raph,"
Until now...
Mikey came over and sat on the couch as he typed away on his phone, "Did you and Lil' fight? She's not answering any of my texts."
Suddenly all eyes were on me. Casey was sitting with his arms crossed next to Mikey, Leo sat next to me. April and Donnie, who were acting weird with each other, were in the lab making some retro mutagen.
I cleared my throat, "No."
"Do you know if something happened to her?"
"No," I said, through gritted teeth.
Mikey shrugged, "Maybe it's nothing then."
"Maybe she's busy, I mean she's practically a mother to her brother now," Casey suggested.
"Yeah, you're right."
After a moment of silence, I let out a sigh. Thankfully, everyone shut up.
"Hey, Raph?" April called, coming from the lab. "What's up with Lilly? She hasn't texted me all week and every time I go over to her place she's never home."
"I'm not her keeper. How am I supposed to know?" She's not home? I hope she's not doing anything dangerous or stupid.
"Just wondering..." April muttered, before going over and sitting next to Casey.
"Casey said she was probably babysitting a lot that's why she hasn't talked to any of us," Mikey told April.
"Hopefully her mom doesn't neglect this baby and this isn't forever. I miss her." April said with a playful pout.
"Tell you one thing," Casey began. "That kid is freaking adorable."
"I love Tony." April giggled. "I wonder if Lilly was that cute when she was a baby."
I growled but bit my tongue, before getting up and heading to my room. I can't be in this room when they won't stop talking about her, and I won't tell them to shut up because then they'll ask why and I don't feel like explaining to them something that isn't any of their business. I can't stop them from talking about her either...she loved everyone and they all loved her.
"Hey, Raph!" I heard before I was able to enter the room. I looked to see Donnie, all the way across the room, motioned me to come over to him. "Could I see you real quick?"
I rolled my eyes before making my way back over to Donnie, who was standing in front of his lab instead of inside it. Which I found a little odd...
"What do you want?" I growled once I was able to stand in front of him.
Before I could do anything else, Donatello's fist connected with my cheek sending me falling to the floor.
"Donnie!" April yelled.
"Donatello, what the hell!?" Leo asked as he ran over to make sure I was okay. It's gonna take a lot more than that to knock me out.
"You broke up with Lillian?!" Donnie yelled.
"You-" April started, standing up. "You actually did it!?"
When I stood up, Mikey ran over and gave my other cheek a punch that was harder than Donnie's punch. "That's why she's not talking to any of us?! Because of you!?"
"Goddamnit!" I shouted before standing right back up to launch myself at Mikey. But Leo stopped me, pushing me back. "You guys need to mind your own fucking business!?"
"She's not talking to me! That is my business!" Mikey screamed.
"No, it isn't!"
Donnie came around to stand in front of Mikey, still glaring daggers at me. "Do you have any idea what you're putting her through? You're the first and probably the only one of us that will ever fall in love and you throw it away!?"
I grabbed a hold on Leo to try and push him away from me but he wouldn't move. "Both of you need to butt the fuck out of whatever Lillian and I do. It's always been like that and it'll always be like that."
"Now she's not talking to us! Now she'll never come over just to hang out because you broke her heart. You're such an idiot!" Mikey spat. I dot think I've ever seen Mikey this angry before, it was almost like looking in a mirror.
"Why would you do something like that?" April said, her voice filled with hurt. "Do you know how hard it was for Lillian to even fall for you? Do you know the type of stuff she went through?"
I glared over at April, "Better than you, that's for sure."
"Better?" April said with a sad, sarcastic smile. "Then why?"
"Because maybe she's better off without me! Because maybe she'd have a better life without me holding her back!" My family was the last people on this earth that I wanted to talk to about this. If it was possible, I didn't want anyone to know about Lilly and I. I guess I knew deep down that eventually I'd have to talk about it but...I didn't expect to get hit in the face. TWICE!
Donnie shook his head, "You are such an idiot. Did you ever stop to think about what she wanted?"
"No! Because I knew she wouldn't want me to leave. Don't you think I'm hurting, too?!"
Mikey stepped out from behind Donnie to try and lunge at me, Donnie stopped him with his arm. "How could you be thinking about yourself right now!?" Donnie has to turn around and hold Mikey back, meanwhile, the less I fought back the looser Leo held me back.
"After everything, why do it now?" April asked softly.
I sighed, pushing Leo's hands off of me. "It's none of your bus—"
"Oh cut the crap, Raphael and just tell us why you decided to break up." She yelled, coming towards me like she was about to charge at me next. I positioned myself facing her just in case I had to dodge any attacks she planned—I'm not fighting April. "Stop being an ass for once in your life."
"You don't understand..." I clenched my fists at my sides as hard as I could. "You can't understand how...much I'm holding her back."
"We do understand, Raph," Donnie said. "We are all holding her back in some way. We are a burden to everyone we meet. But April, Casey, and Lilly all know that and all have made a decision to leave or stay in our lives. They chose to stay." He shook his head, "And you just let her go? After she chose to be with you, after a year of that, you let her go..."
"How could you be so stupid?" Mikey asked, now more visibly sad than angry.
I get it. I get it. This shit seemed like something that came out of the blue but it wasn't that. It was just the straw that broke the camels back. I've always known I wasn't right for Lilly, and apparently everyone else did too. Ian told me he didn't even want us to have a child, Barry told me it's probably better for the two of us if we grow up and find out what we want before anything else...
"I did...what was best for her."
"You did what you thought was best." Donnie corrected. "There's a difference."
"Despite her feelings. Knowing she would be devastated." April moved closer to me and when I moved, just slightly, to prepare myself for anything, Donnie moved away from Mikey and went over to April's side. "She's so devastated that she won't even talk to me. So hurt she won't even talk to Mikey."
I rolled my eyes, "Oh come on, you can't put who she talks to or doesn't talk to on me. I didn't tell her to ignore you. And plus, she's obviously not that hurt since she called Donnie and told him about me breaking up with her."
"I called her!" Donnie stated. "She answered only to tell me to stop calling her. When I asked why she said she needed time away from everyone. She was too hurt to talk to anyone but her family. After apologizing and crying for about ten minutes, she told me this is the way it has to be now. I've never heard her like she was...broken."
Casey, after sitting and listening to this entire time in silence, finally stood up. He crossed her arms over his chest and sighed, "You guys, this is Raph and Lilly. They're like...meant to be together. This isn't going to last. Eventually, Raph is going to realize he can't live without her and they're going to get back together."
I snorted in amusement, shaking my head at his cluelessness.
"This isn't funny, dude," Mikey grunted.
"You guys don't know Lilly like I do. This is it. I gave her the option of when we're adults and we know what we want we can get back together but she said no. This is it. She doesn't want an on again off again relationship."
April groaned, grabbing a handful of her hair in frustration, "You're such an idiot!"
"Like I said before, this isn't any of your business. And by the way, you're telling me shit I already know. Not a day goes by where I don't regret this fucking decision. But this is for the better for both of us. One day she'll see."
Leo let out a breath he was holding in. If anyone is going to see my point, it's him. I'm sure he's been hoping we'd break up so he can swoop in and play captain save-a-hoe. "No matter what the decision, we are always going to be here for Lillian. She is family. Raph may be an idiot, but he's not wrong about one thing...Lillian is safer without him."
"Are you kidding me?!" Mikey yelled.
April let out another exaggerated groan before shaking her head, "You guys are making decisions and talking about Lillian like she's this princess that needs to be saved. I can't even look at either one of you right now." She walked around Donnie and came up to me, waving her finger in my face. "You broke this girl. She's been through hell and back and you put her together only to rip her apart again. I hope you're fucking happy, Raphael!" She yelled before turning and stomping her way out of the lair.
"Red, where are you going?" Casey asked, reaching out for her. "Just calm down for a sec..."
April snatched her arm before he could even grab her, "I'm going to check on the girl who's probably even more broken now then she was before he came into her life." She shouted angrily. Casey didn't chase her when she left.
Donnie continued to glare at me for a moment before shaking his head and following April. Mikey clenched his fists at his side, then he turned on his heel and followed Donnie out.
I took a deep breath before covering my eyes with my arm. This is why i isn't want to talk about it. Because with everything I'm holding in, I knew that if we talk about it it would all come out in one of two emotions: anger, which was a given, or sadness.
Before anyone could say anything about anything, I bolted to my room, slamming the door behind me and finally throwing myself on my bed. Even alone I was fighting emotions away, but it was no use.
~Lilly's POV~
"Are you sure you want me to leave? I could easily stay to take care of you-" My mother asked. She was going out again. After she came from the dinner she found me crying on her bed. I told her everything, I told both her and Barry everything. It's been a week since my mom had gone out again. She said she wanted to be there for me this time. I knew what she meant. But now, I was stuck babysitting Tony once again so she could go out and spend her husband's money.
"It's fine," I said, bouncing Tony in my hands.
"I still think you should come with me. You have to eventually leave the—"
"Mom, I'll be fine. I already have Ian checking up on me every two hours. I'll call you if I need anything." To be honest, I wanted her to stay and force her to take care of Tony. There's something inside of me that feels like maybe being a mother is too hard and she's trying to find a way out.
"I'll be back at around 7. Please call me if you need me to come over or talk about it." She said, coming over to place a hand on my shoulder. "You know I'm here for you."
"Mom, there's no point in moping about this forever," I muttered.
"Babe, it hasn't even been that long. You know, it okay to cry."
I shook my head, "I think its best if I just not talk about it." If I'm being honest, I didn't want to talk to, hear from, or be near anyone for a while and by anyone I mean everyone. "Just go to work."
"Okay, sweetie." She gave me a kiss on the forehead, to which I frowned. She never does that. "See you later,"
"Bye, mom," I said, watching her leave out the door.
I went over to the door to lock it, then I pressed my forehead against the door and sighed.
It's been a week… A week of crying, a week of sleeping, a week of starving myself, a week of just being depressed and alone. I told my mother about the breakup and she told everyone. I've been taking care of Tony and ignoring everyone as much as possible. I've received texts, calls, and April has even come to visit, but my mother just tells them I'm not home. I only answered one call, and that was to Donnie. Surprisingly, he seemed like he didn't know we broke up. Even so, I told him to leave me alone.
I didn't want to see anyone. I wasn't ready. I know that was stupid, to punish everyone even though no one knew, but I…just can't. I can't…
I went over to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water and calm myself. I cried yesterday, the day before, all week…even today I cried when Donnie called. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to cry.
I took a sip of water then just stood there, staring at nothing, feeling empty, physically hurting. Goddamnit…
Just then, there was a knock at the door. My mother is always forgetting something. I went over to unlock the door and open it, "What did you forget?" I asked.
"Lillian," April said with a sigh of relief. "You're home,"
My eyes widened, I clutched my chest as my heart began to beat faster with anxiousness. "Ap…" I took a deep breath before shaking my head, "You shouldn't be here. I told Donatello I wasn't-"
"Lilly, I'm only here for you."
"I don't want you here. Goodbye." I said before closing the door.
April shoved her foot in the door, "Lilly, please, I didn't even know you guys broke up until today. I gave Raph a piece-"
"I don't want to hear his fucking name. I don't want to talk to you. I'm just…I need time away from you guys. I'm sorry," I said, my voice trembling. Jesus, not right now, please don't cry right now…
"Then will you talk to me?" I heard from behind.
I gasped and jumped at the voice. When I turned I saw Mikey, standing there at the end of the stairs, behind him was Donatello. I suddenly felt light-headed, my breathing hitched and almost immediately I let out a sob and dropped to my knees when my legs gave out. I covered my face as I cried. April finally came into the house, closing the door behind her before throwing her arms around me.
I didn't want this. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone. I didn't want to see anyone because I knew I would fucking break down as soon as I saw one of the guys. I wasn't mentally ready, I wasn't mentally stable. Even now as they were hugging me and consoling me, I wanted them to leave. I've cried too much over this, and I just wanted it all to stop.
I wanted the pain to stop, the crying, the anxiety, the fear, I just wanted to be numb. Not feel anything anymore. I didn't want to...
"I am so sorry he caused you so much pain," Donatello said, kneeling in front of me.
"I don't know if this will make you feel better but I punched him for you," Mikey said at my side, his hand caressing mine.
I looked at Mikey for a moment before smiling softly, "Oh Mikey," I chuckled through the tears, throwing my arms around his neck. He was always such a good friend to me. He was never judgmental, always happy to see me. "I'm sorry," I cried.
Mikey wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. "For what?" He chuckled. "You did nothing..."
"It was R..." April stopped. "It was him. He's the idiot here." She corrected herself.
I pulled away from Mikey, wiping my face and shaking my head. "No, I'm sorry...but it has to be this way." I looked at all of them as confusion plagued all their faces. "I can't be with you guys right now. I can't be around you guys right now... I know you've done nothing wrong but...seeing you, I think of him and I don't want to. I want to stop thinking of him for a while. I don't want to, I can't, it just hurts too much."
I could see, as I continued, the hurt they felt. Especially Mikey... But it has to be this way.
"I know where this is going to take me. My last boyfriend, I was with for this long..." I shut my eyes, suddenly feeling a hand grab mine. It was April. She knew where I was going. "...he hurt me. Real bad. I went down a long dark road and it took me forever to get better and I'm scared I'm going to go down that road again. I have to do everything I can to make sure I don't because..." I let out a sob again, letting my head drop. "I'm so scared I won't come out of this." I have to. But it's so hard trying to find even just a sliver of motivation to do this.
"Don't say that, Lil'..." Mikey whispered, his voice breaking.
"Not matter what you will always have us to depend on. You don't have to be alone in this." Donnie said, grabbing my face to force me to look at him. "We are your family, your friends, till the very end. You are not alone."
I wasn't alone, but I wanted to be left alone. I sighed, "I just need...time."
April looked like she didn't want to leave me alone after I said that. She looked hesitant to leave or even say something. She looked petrified... He and Donnie exchanged worried glances before both sighing. My hands went to Donnie's wrists so I could pull them off of my face. "You just have to understand that I need to do this alone. I know you're here for me and I love you so much for that. But I have to be alone. Not forever, but for now."
After I said that, there was a moment of silence before we all heard Tony's soft whimpers coming from my mother's bedroom. I was about to get up and leave until April stopped me.
"I got him." She rested a hand on Donnie's shoulder, "Get her to the sofa. Mikey, get her a drink of water. We're not leaving until we think you're okay, Lillian."
Fuck, why couldn't they just leave me to fall apart alone?
Donnie picked me up and helped me over to the couch, meanwhile, Mikey just held my hand and stared at me with worried eyes. "I should've hit him harder," Donnie growled.
My eyes widened for a moment, one because I don't think I've ever heard that tone in Donnie's voice. "You hit him too?"
"He deserved it. He's an idiot." Donnie sat me down before sitting next to me. I immediately leaned into him and chuckled sadly.
"You guys..." I looked over at Mikey, "Thank you."
"For punching him?" Mikey asked.
"For being here...even though I don't want you here. And for punching him."
"Unlike that asshole, we're going to be here whether you like it or not," Donnie said with a sad smile.
"I know you want to be alone, I get it. But sometimes you can't. Sometimes it's better to be with someone. We're not here to tell you what to do, just to listen." I opened my mouth but Mikey quickly interrupted me, "Or we could just…keep you company."
They're not leaving, they won't unless I'm mean to them and that's something I can't ever be. Especially to Mikey... "I love you guys..." I whispered.
April came out with Anthony in her arms, tears on his cheeks, "I think he's hungry because he's dry."
One look at Mikey and he immediately whimper and held out his arms, leaning towards him. Mikey smiled and grabbed him, "Hey little fella, how're you doing?"
Though I smiled, I still was immensely hurt and I didn't want to see anyone for a while. A long while. Just until I have myself sorted out until I feel okay enough to be alone and handle this alone. After today, that's exactly what's going to happen.
Alright well, it's been real. I will see you in the sequel... jkjkjk, no this fic isn't over yet. Let me know if you hate it because this ride is just going to get worse from here on out. Okay see you soon byeee! (pls be nice to me)