Here we go, and now for the worst. I told you this fic was going to go real fast, first they break up then...this happens. Yeah...
Two months…
A Way Out
~Lilly's POV~
"Are you sure you're okay?" My mother asked once again. "You haven't been out of the house in weeks, barely out of your room sometimes. You don't eat, you don't do anything besides take care of Tony, now all of a sudden you want to come with me to the mall?"
I rolled my eyes, "For the tenth time, I'm fine. Can't be moping forever."
"You can if you want, just until the schools are back open. Then you can distract yourself with work."
My mother was at the mall today, buying more baby things, while Tony was left with Ian. After being at my house for a long time, I decided that maybe I needed fresh air. April and Mikey have been visiting and calling me every day to make sure I'm okay. I give them the same answer. 'I'm fine, please stop calling' or 'please stop visiting'. This wasn't going to be a permanent thing. It's not like I'm never going to talk to them again, I just want some space for a while.
Because I'm always cooped up in my room, my mom has been staying at home more often to take care of Tony. Everyone looks at me with those sympathetic eyes that I just hate. Everyone wants to talk all the goddamn time. It almost made me wish everything was like it was before when my mom didn't care, Ian wasn't here, and Barry was just the police commissioner and not my stepdad. I appreciate the kindness but just leave me the fuck alone. Ian has tried to talk to me about it, Barry has tried...I don't want to even think about it.
"I don't want to talk about it, mom," I growled at her, clutching the bags of things we just bought in my hands.
"Okay okay..." she sighed. "Thomas, did you want something?"
Thomas was our bodyguard. Since the threats continued and seemed to be progressing, from who we still don't know (at least my mother and I don't), we still needed bodyguards this time, everywhere, at all times, even when we just stayed home. "No thank you, ma'am."
"You have to be hungry at least. Let me buy you a burger." My mother offered. "You can eat it when we get home."
Thomas was a handsome man, a little older than Barry. He had slicked back jet black hair, brown dark eyes, and a nice square jaw. He was broad in every sense of the word, almost looked like he played football or some type of sport. He always dressed casually when he was with us, especially when we went out to blend in, I guess. He was the nicest one out of all the bodyguards, everyone except Ian likes him. Ian hates him because Christine and Thomas flirt a lot, Christine flirts because that's just how she is. Most of the time, Thomas just smiles or laughs, very rarely does he reciprocate it. Ian still feels threatened.
"It's alright, I'm sure you'll be cooking something tonight. I'll just eat that." He said with a soft smile.
"You're cooking, mom?" I laughed. "Thomas, you may want to take her up on that burger."
My mother slapped my arm playfully, "Oh shut up, you little shit."
We all walked out of the mall after that, I was carrying most of what my mother bought so she wouldn't have to stress her body out. Thomas also carried some bags—now that my mom has money, she buys a lot of shit.
A woman almost immediately came up to my mother, causing Thomas to step in front of my mother. "You're commissioner Anderson's wife, right? Oh, your husband is such a hero to this city! Could I please have a picture?"
"Excuse me, ma'am, I think you should just take a few steps back," Thomas said sternly.
"It's okay Thomas." My mother said, placing a hand on Thomas's arm. This isn't the first time my mother has been approached because of Barry. Hell, even I've been approached and declined offers to take pictures. There's a reason I'm not on social media, people taking pictures of me and posting them online? I'd rather not even have them online. "Of course sweetie, what's your name?"
"Janet, your husband, and his father are such amazing people. You should be so proud." The woman said with a giant smile, holding out her phone.
Thomas hesitantly stepped aside but remained as close as he could to my mother.
This lady felt more than fake, her tone of voice felt almost too happy to see the wife of the man that was a hero to her. I mean, if I met a celebrity, I wouldn't want a picture of their partner... Something is not adding up.
I looked over a Thomas when the woman was taking a little too long, I raised an eyebrow in suspicion and he nodded, grabbing a hold on my mother's hand. I guess he felt it too.
"Let's go, we'll be late for your doctor's appointment," Thomas said, pulling my mother gently while I pushed her from behind.
"Tell your husband I said thank you. He's such a wonderful man." The woman said and she waved goodbye.
"Thank you." My mother said before walking with Thomas. "Jesus Thomas She was just being nice."
"I don't know mom. Something was off." I said, walking behind her.
"Oh!" We heard the woman behind us yell. "One more thing!"
Thomas turned around almost immediately but never let go of my mother's hand. I turned around as well, just to tell the lady that we're busy.
"Vizioso says hi," she said, her smile suddenly disappearing.
I don't remember what happened next, I guess my brain sort of blocked it out because it scared me shirtless. I heard a deafening pop and then my memory goes...black.
~Raph's POV~
"Donnie," I called before entering his lab.
He was working when I walked in, probably on the retro-mutagen like he has been for the past couple of weeks. "What do you want, Raph? I'm busy."
He's hasn't stopped being an asshole to me.
"Here..." I walked up to him and handed him my cell phone.
Donnie raised his head from his desk only to look back down at it, "What?"
"I want a new phone. I just can't..." I cleared my throat, before placing the phone onto the desk. "I can't bring myself...to delete anything in here."
Donnie looked up to inspect my shaky voice, narrowing his eyes as if to check if I was faking it. After a while he sighed and took the phone, opening a cabinet and taking out another one to give me. "Here. I've always had extra since Mikey loves to blow them up."
I took the new phone and nodded, "Thanks," I turned on my heel and began to walk out.
It's been a while since Donnie or Mikey have even tried talking to me again. April...has not come over, at least when I'm home and I think Donnie is more pissed about that than anything. The only people who aren't giving me shit are Casey and Leo and I'm pretty sure it's because they didn't like us together in the first place.
Even Master Splinter, who continuously told me he understood why I would break up with her, was telling me that if I love Lillian, I would not have let her go. It's not like I could change my mind. Eventually, I'll get over the pain...the sleepless nights...the feeling that I just let the best thing in my life go because of something both of us knew from the beginning of this fucking- I shook my head, I need to stop second-guessing myself. I did what I did. It's set in stone.
"Raph..." Donnie sighed. I heard him push his chair and when I turned back around, I found him standing. "Raph, you know I love you, you're my brother. I know you're hurting. But-"
"Donnie, there's nothing you can say to either make me feel better or make me change my mind," I grunted.
He rolled his eyes in annoyance, "I understand that. You just have to understand why everyone is mad or frustrated with you on this whole thing."
"Believe me, I know why. You, Mike and April are constantly reminding me that they're mad at me by ignoring me. This decision affected everyone, but it shouldn't. What we do, is none of your business and just because she's not talking to everyone doesn't mean you should be mad at me. She's not talking to you because she doesn't want to, not because I told her to."
"She's not talking to any of us because we remind her too much of you. And don't throw her under the bus because you couldn't handle the pressures of being in a relationship. She doesn't deserve that from anybody, especially you."
"Throwing her under- Look, Don, I'm not about to argue with you on something you don't even understand. I had a girl and you didn't. Lilly was mine, not yours. A crush on a girl is nowhere near the level I was on. So back off." I snapped without so much of a thought.
"I'm not trying to lecture you on what you already know or what I don't. But I will tell you this," he pointed at me, moving away from the desk and stomping over towards me until his finger was practically touching my nose. "You had someone. You had someone who loved and cared about you more than anything. And through the obstacles, the journeys, through the hardship of dealing with both our families and how both seemed to object one way or another, you had her and you didn't lose her. You tossed her away." Once he said that he went over back to his desk and sat down.
Meanwhile, my mouth felt dry from it falling open.
"You had a chance. I'll never get it. But if I ever do, I'll never let it go. Hurting Lillian as you did, I'll never forgive you for that." His voice sounded defeated, almost like he lost...well I guess we all lost someone we loved.
His phone began to ring, he checked before picking it up. "Hey, April, what's up?"
I began backing out of the lab, I should've just dropped the phone off without saying anything.
"What?... When?" I heard him say, soon after that he ran pasted by me, out the lab and to the living room. "Mikey, switch to the news!" He demanded.
"Awe! But this is the best part!" He whined reluctantly.
"Now!" Donnie yelled.
"Okay okay, jeez..." Mikey clicked the remote.
It switched from cartoons to the news real quick, at first all of us stared at Donnie who seemed worried, almost terrified.
A woman was being interviewed when the channel landed on the news, "Its just a tragic scene. I just can't believe someone would do this. And she was just a kid. I mean she didn't hurt anybody. My heart goes out to the family."
"What's the matter, Donnie?" Leo asked.
"April, are you sure?" He asked April over the phone.
Splinter came out of the kitchen with a cheesicle in his hand, staring at all of us, confused. "What is the matter? Donatello, my son, you seemed troubled..."
Donnie suddenly turned white, "I...don't know..."
"We have yet to hear from commissioner Anderson about this assault, however, understandably, after everything he has done for the city, the least the citizens of New York can do is give the family the privacy they need to cope with what happened here today." The new caster explained before signing off and beginning another story.
Normally, when I get the urge to fight or flee, I always chose to fight. I always act first before I even process what I do. But when I put together the 'she was just a kid' and 'Anderson', something came over me that I've never felt before. It's sort like a hot burning chill that takes over you, causes you to freeze in your place, unable to move, unable to talk...you just sort of freeze in time. I was...so scared.
Leo sat up straight, "What happened?"
"Which one, April?" Donnie swallowed hard before nodding. "Okay...okay I'll be right there..." he hung up the phone and clutched it in his hands with a deathlike grip. He was holding back something, it looked more like anger mixed with frustration.
"Is Lilly okay?" Mikey asked, jumping to his feet.
Donnie stayed silent, pressing his phone to his forehead and angrily shaking. "I..." he looked over at me, and man if looks could kill. "You could have protected her." He growled, baring his teeth like some animal. "You could have been there!"
"WHAT?! What happened?" Mikey screamed, desperately, going over to Donnie to shake him. "Is she okay!? Tell me Lilly is okay!"
Donnie looked down at Mikey, before pushing him away. "Barry has been getting threats on his life and his family's life ever since everyone found out about the EPF. He's trying to make the earth better for us...for everyone. And some people would rather kill anything that even remotely reminds them of the Krang. That includes the mutants that the Krang created..."
"What does that have to do with anything, Don?" Leo asked, standing up himself.
"One of those people...tried to shoot Lillian's mother." A pin-drop silence filled the lair. "But Lillian got in the way."
I felt the wind knock out of me, I couldn't breathe and at the same time, I was breathing in air that felt almost painfully cold in my lungs. I could feel my legs suddenly turn to jelly.
"Is she okay?" Mikey whispered, his voice broke.
"I don't know. April just told me she's at the hospital, right now." Donnie muttered, still staring me down. "I suggest you leave before we do."
My whole body tensed at his suggestion. After a while, I let my head drop in shame. If I go...she's coming back into my life and this whole break up was for no reason. If I stay, I lose her forever, even as my best friend.
"Are you serious?!" Donnie yelled, before making his way towards me.
"Leave him! We have to go see Lilly!" Mikey started pulling on Donnie's arm so that they could both leave. After a short protest, Donnie then lead Mikey out of the lair.
Leo came over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, "I'll give you updates. Don't worry, everything will be fine." He comforted before running after those two.
Master splinter came up to me after Leo left, placing his hand on my shoulder, "You should go to her, my son." He said his voice just above a calming whisper.
I clenched my fists, trying to control the urge of wanting to just break down. "I can't..." I breathed.
Splinter grabbed my hand and sighed, "I will stand by your side, my son. No matter what. I just hope you do not come to regret this decision." After that, I looked up at him. His hand moved to my head and pushed me towards his chest. I can't break down anymore and I won't.
This will be the last time.
~Lilly's POV~
I was in and out of consciousness at the hospital for a while, apparently getting shot makes you tired. No, it doesn't but it made me tired. Doctors were more worried about my eating habits or lack-there-of than anything. Nothing was life-threatening, I was shot through the shoulder. Fortunately, the bullet had an exit wound, unfortunately, the bullet grazed my mother's arm. She had to get a few stitches.
As for the lady who shot us, she ran, didn't make it too far before she was caught and arrested. I didn't ask about her.
Barry was so apologetic, both to my mother and me. I have never seen him so emotional, not since the wedding but that was a 'happy' emotional. Barry turned his emotions to anger towards Thomas for not doing his job in protecting us, even telling him that it should have been him who took the bullet. I understood why Barry was upset in all honesty, when you're a bodyguard you're there to protect, and in this case, both of us were hurt and he didn't even have a scratch on him. Barry fired him, that's the only part that made me feel bad.
My mother and Ian never left my side. My mother was more worried than I have ever seen her, Ian was just apologizing for not being there in the first place. All this time, Christine was the one watching little Tony at home, occasionally she would bring him in but I don't like him in here. He's a baby, he could easily catch something. I've been in here for a couple of days so I think I'm good to go today.
April visited me a while ago, she said she brought the guys. I told her I didn't want to see them. Seeing her was fine, but I didn't want to see them right now. One, it's too dangerous, two, she wasn't specific when she said 'the guys'. I don't want to take the chance on what that means, on who came with her... I didn't want to see anyone, especially him. So April has been the only one coming in to see me.
Right now, I just want to go home and shower.
Barry came into the room, immediately coming to my side. "Good, you're awake." He kissed my forehead. "How are you feeling?"
"I just want to go home," I said, horsily.
He nodded, "We will. But first, I need to talk to everyone." He stood in front of my bed. His seriousness caught the attention of everyone in the room; my mother and Ian. "The city has gotten unsafe. I have people going after me and my family and not even a bodyguard can help. So..." He sighed heavily. I felt so bad for causing such trouble, I mean, I know none of this was my fault but seeing Barry so stressed; seeing Barry look so tired, dark circles forming under his eyes…I couldn't help but feel bad. "I've accepted the offer to go into hiding. At least…for my family'."
"Into hiding? Where? How will you work? How will I work?" My mother asked frantically. "What about Ian? What about my sister?"
Barry sighed, "My love, you and Lillian were just shot at because of me. You can push back all you want, but you, Lillian and especially Tony are leaving this place."
My mother shook her head, "Where?"
"The farthest place I could think of." Barry went over to my mother and knelt in front of her, taking her hands into his. "Did you want to go back to San Diego?"
"San Diego? What the hell are we going to do in San Diego?"
Ian stood up, "I'm not leaving Lillian behind. Wherever you go I go too." He sighed sadly, "Even if Christine wants to stay."
"You can't to that to Chris, you asshole. I won't let you."
"Well, I'm not living here while you guys are being targeted by God knows who." Ian snapped, walking over to me to grab my hand. "I left you once, I'm not doing that again. Not when you are in literal danger."
I placed my other hand on his and smiled, "Ian..."
Barry sighed, "That's fine, I already have a place set up for us. Ever since Tony was born I began to look for safe places to live. I was first looking at places in San Francisco but—"
"I am not living with your mother." My mother said sternly, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I know, I wouldn't want you to. So I got what I could. It wouldn't be permanent, just until everything...calms."
"What about you?"
Barry shrugged, "I'm not selling the place over here so I still can live in it."
"You mean, you're not coming? Are you nuts? What about your child!?" My mother yelled, standing up to look down at Barry. "You are just going to leave me to do all the work, to take care of your son?"
I narrowed my eyes at my mother, her tone was coming off as if she didn't want to take care of Tony. "That's your son too, mom."
"I raised you without a father because I didn't have a say in the matter. I have one now." She spat. "You're only going to see your son on the weekends now? Like some irresponsible-"
"Aniya, this is the last thing I want to do. To put your life here on pause and move you somewhere else, I don't want to do this. But I would rather have you guys far away and safe than here and in danger. I've already talked to everyone I can. They want to move me away from being the commissioner to being the director of the EPF. They're going to have me finish this year as commissioner, next year the Mayor will appoint someone else so I can be full-time director of the EPF. As of right now, that is all I can say." Barry explained as softly as he could and as best as he could. I could tell he was hiding more info than he was giving out, I'm sure that was for our protection. "It's just for the rest of the year."
"Just a year? Barry, in a year your son will learn how to walk, he says his first words, he'll learn to get up by himself. All of these milestones, you won't be there for it. And I'll never forgive you for that." My mother growled at Barry.
Barry looked visibly hurt, "Aniya, I'm trying to keep you guys safe."
"By sending us away?"
"Could you guys not fight in here? The walls have ears." I groaned softly.
"Lilly, out of everyone you must hate the fact that we have to start over again in California!" My mother said, expecting me to agree.
This... Being offered to go back to where I was born because it was safer than where I considered 'home' to be? It may seem like the smart choice to go and be safe, but I didn't see it like that. To me, I saw this as an opportunity to get away from the place where not only was I unsafe, but a place that reminded me of...Raph. I don't want to ever be reminded of him again. Just the thought of his name… "It's fine, mom."
"What?"
"It's okay," I repeated, my voice quiet. Ian squeezed my hand before kissing my forehead out of pity.
My mother huffed before looking back at Barry. Soon after, she sighed and walked out of the room.
Barry rubbed his forehead, sighing exhaustedly before throwing himself onto the seat my mother left for him. "I knew she wouldn't like it but…"
"She'll get over it," Ian muttered, before clearing his voice. "Am I ever going to find out who shot Lilly?"
I was confused for a moment, we knew who shot me and that woman was in jail.
Ian turned around, "I know some random woman on the street isn't just going to walk up to Lilly and shoot her. Who is she?"
Barry frowned, "Do you want to know? The truth may be worse than a lie." Ian's silence told Barry to continue. "She was ordered to kill Aniya, not Lillian. It was supposed to be a warning of some kind. There are people out there, Ian, who do not like the fact that I am working with the government to, not only protect the earth from aliens but to help the mutants the Krang created. Powerful people..."
"Who?"
"There's no point in telling you. You can't get to them even if you wanted too. We have no clue where they are."
There was a tense silence between these two. Ian was pissed that I was hurt and wanted to do something about it, that was how he was. But Barry knew that if he told him who it was and where they were, there was nothing Barry could do to stop Ian from getting himself killed.
"When are we moving to San Diego?" I asked.
Barry let out a sigh, resting his head back against the wall. "I scheduled everything a week from today." He looked over at me sympathetically before standing up to come over to me, grabbing my good hand and holding it in his hands. "I am so sorry..." he whispered. He brought my hand to his forehead before kneeling. "I promised to keep you and your mother safe and I failed miserably. Now you have to move away and start life over at such a young age, all because I was careless."
I frowned, "This wouldn't be the first time my mother and I started over. I'm not leaving anything behind if Ian is coming with us."
"What about Raph?" Ian asked.
I clenched my jaw, my blood beginning to boil. "What about him?"
Ian and Barry were taken aback by my sudden burst of attitude. "What about your...friends?" Barry asked.
I shook my head, "April will be fine without me. Casey won't miss me. As for everyone else," I shrugged. "They'll grow up, and they'll forget."
They both fell silent. Barry stood up, kissing my hand before nodding. Ian still looked horrified that I seemed unbothered about moving. I am. There's nothing to be bothered by.
A knock at the door caused everyone to look over. April was standing there with some flowers in her hand. "Hello? How is she?" She asked.
I smiled, "She's fine." After April entered, Casey soon entered. I let out a gasp before laughing, "Casey? You came?"
Casey snickered, "Of course I came. Why do you sound so shocked?"
I looked over at Barry and Ian, "Could you guys give us a sec?" I asked. Barry nodded and left, Ian came over to kiss me on the temple before he left, closing the door on the way out. "How are you guys doing?"
April handed me the flowers in her hand, pink and white roses. Thank God it wasn't lilies. "We are lonely without you."
I gave raised a doubtful brow and smiled, "Okay, sure…"
April rolled her eyes, "You know I'm not lying."
"What about you, Case?" I asked.
Casey went over to sit on the chair in front of the bed, arms crossed over his chest and his legs sprawled out. He looked like a child who was upset because he didn't want to come. "What about me?"
"What did April offer you to come down here?"
Casey shrugged, "Nothing…"
"Mmhm…" I hummed skeptically.
"He asked to come here," April informed, placing a hand on my hand. "When are you coming home?"
"I think today. Doctors say I'm free to go." I said grabbing her hand and squeezing it. I sighed, "I have…something to tell you guys." I looked over at Casey who seemed way too comfortable in his seat. "I have to leave."
April cocked her head to the side and smiled, "Well, we'll be with you. I came over to help you come home. I know you hate to hear it but Mikey misses you and all the guys want to do is check to see if you're okay."
I pressed my lips together, she only mentions Mikey to guilt me into talking about the guys. "April,"
"Lil', did Raph break your heart so much that it made you hate all the guys now? No offense, or full offense I don't care, but ignoring them just because of one makes you look like an asshole." Casey spat suddenly.
April turned to glare at him, "Casey, you told me you weren't going to say anything about Raph."
I felt my heart constrict at his name. I had to calm myself down and think before I say anything to Casey. This was bound to come up with either April or Casey, it makes more sense though that Case brought it up first. I guess April sort of brought it up first… I don't know. I stayed silent though, there was nothing I could say.
April looked at me, "Don't listen to him. He's just tired…and a dickhead but what else is new." She innocently joked, attempting to change the subject rather quickly.
Casey slumped in his chair, "That's not why I'm annoyed."
"Then leave. If you didn't want to come, why'd you come? I didn't force you." April spat, finally fed up.
I chuckled softly at the both of them. They argued like they were married. "April," I said to get her attention. "I have to go back home."
"You will, Lil'. Everything will go right back to normal when-"
"I'm going back to San Diego." I finally said. The words felt like I was slapping her in the face and I could see by her expression that she felt the same way too. Her eye almost immediately looked glossed over with tears. "Since having bodyguards didn't work, Barry is sending us as far away as he can. And that's back home in San Diego." I shrugged. "I guess he figured since we've lived there before, it'd be easy to go back and continue our lives there."
Other than April's eyes, she didn't react.
"What?" Casey asked, his tone sounded like I had just betrayed him.
"Barry will stay here for a year until the mayor appoints another commissioner, then he'll be the director of the EPF and come live with us," I explained, purposely ignoring Casey.
"W-When...?" April asked softly, hesitantly.
I sighed, "Next week."
April let out a small gasp before pulling her hand away from mine and clutching it to her chest. "Are you coming back?" She whimpered softly, not attempting to hold back her emotions.
I looked away, hiding the shame I felt when I told her, "One day..." To be honest I don't know whether or not I wanted to come back to New York. I mean, it wasn't even a thought to leave but now that I have to leave, why should I come back? I felt shame in the fact that I wanted to leave and not come back and...I didn't care what anyone had to say.
I loved April, so much... I love everyone so much but...I'm safer far away and I'm broken here. I have no one to keep me safe and my heart was broken.
I don't want to be here as of right now...,
"What about..." April stopped mid-sentence. "I thought we were going to graduate together. Pick out colleges, move in together... You're my best..." She stopped again.
I refused to look up at her, shaking my head. "Things change and...life goes on. You guys will be okay without me."
Casey chuckled, leaning forward in his chair before rubbing his hands on his face, visibly frustrated. "So that's what you were talking about before we walked in. We'll 'grow up'... We'll 'forget'... That's what you were talking about? Us?"
"What in the world would make you think I would ever forget how much you mean to me?" April asked, heartbroken. "You were...are my best friend. How could you possibly think I ever forget everything we've ever been through?"
I covered my face, or as much as I could, with my good hand, not saying a word. Her broken voice made my heart crack, I could feel it with every word she spoke.
"You know damn well Mikey will never forget you. None of the guys will. No one. Ever. You are their sister." Casey grumbled angrily.
"I don't-"
"Lillian, you are family. When you are hurt, we are. Do you know how crazy everyone is going because they can't see you? They respect your wishes to not see you because they love you." April grabbed my hand again, pulling it away from my face and lifting my chin with her other hand. "Everyone loves you..."
I rolled my eyes, "I'm not saying they don't, it's just we all have to grow up."
Casey finally stood, "You're right. We'll grow up with or without you there. But you will always be the sister we never had or wanted in my case."
"I have no control in this. So it's not me you should be mad at." I defended as best as I could without my voice shaking with emotion.
"Yeah, but you want to leave. I can tell you'll leave and you won't come back." Casey snapped. "Why?"
I glared at Casey, but I never answered his question because he knew damn well why.
Casey shook his head, "Did he hurt you that much?"
"Casey, stop..." April warned.
"Lil..." Casey said.
"Yes, he did." I finally admitted. "He was everything to me. And now he's not. And I want to leave to try and fix the damage he did."
April and Casey both jumped at my coldness, but it had to be said so I can get these two off my back. This is what they wanted to hear.
"I don't want to be around anyone that will remind me of him. So I'm going to leave now that I have the chance..." I took in a deep breath, before letting it out. "And I don't want anyone but you two to know. Because I don't want to say goodbye."
"No," Casey said shaking his head. "Absolutely not. That would destroy him. That would destroy everyone!"
"Then let it. He has himself to blame." I growled angrily, bitterly.
"Why would you want to hurt someone you love?" April asked.
"How could he hurt me after everything we've been through? The same way I'm doing that now. I don't want anyone to know."
"They'll never forgive you," Casey argued.
"Then so be it."
"Lillian," April gasped. "Stop it, you're scaring me. This isn't like you. Why would you want to do this to Raph? Why would you want to do this to us? You know we can't just not tell him...he's like my brother."
I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to console myself; trying to calm down my anger and pain. I wanted to tell April to prioritize my feelings—what about me? I'm the one he broke up with. I'm the one he hurt. What about me?! But I'd never do that to April. It wasn't fair to her... "Guys, I just want to be okay. I'm not here, maybe I will be somewhere else. If you love me or even respect me just a little bit," I said directed at Casey. "Please, understand why I'm okay with this."
"What can help you, is being with people who love you. Like me, Mikey, Donnie, Sensei... They are all there for you. No matter what-"
"I don't have a choice. It's already said and done. I can't do anything even if I want to."
"But you don't want to. Because you used to fight your mother and Ian for Raph now you're helpless over-"
"I got shot, Casey. Me moving away has shit to do with him and all to do with the fact people want my family dead. So yeah, maybe I want to go and hopefully, that helps with this broken heart I have, but most of all I want to go because no one is going to protect me here." I defended. Not every decision I make has something to do with him.
"You still have the guys. They will pro-" April began.
"They didn't this time. I have a hole in my shoulder. Not even a bodyguard helped. Barry already bought a place, made the arrangements and everything." I looked at both of them, my eyes practically begging for them to understand. "I love everyone, but I need to start over again. Or I'll never move on. And yes, I have to move on."
Both were silent for a moment, seeming to process everything I had just said since the moment they set foot in here. Casey sighed before storming out of the room, April just watched him and shook her head. I knew she'd get it. She always got it.
I told her I could feel myself going down a dark path that I've been to once before. The reasons were different, but for some reason, this time felt like quicksand. The more I struggled the more I was to drown in the sadness I felt around me. I need to just take a step back and relax... I have to fix myself. No one else will and I will not let anyone in anymore until that is accomplished. This way, when something like this happens again, I will be able to depend on myself and myself only.
This world is a dark place, and depending on others around you to fix it and hope it'll get better won't work. It's selfish and naive and it just won't work.
April grabbed my hand once more, "I understand." She whispered to me, her lips trembling.
"Thank you."
~Raph's POV~
Knocking at my bedroom door woke me up. "Raph? Are you awake?" It was Leo, it always was him. No one else is talking to me anymore. I honestly don't blame them.
All I do is sleep all day, and at night I go out and just...try to see if I can pummel anymore that needs it. I have no energy to train, and Splinter seemed to have no urge in telling me to get up from my sleep. I know he knew why I was always tired.
I went to see her one time, at the hospital, at night. April told me what floor, what room and what hospital to go to. She even gave me directions on how to get in from the outside. At first, I told her I didn't care, she just rolled her eyes and handed me a piece of paper with everything she told me on it, word for word. "The least you can do is see her." So I did... I regretted doing that as soon as I saw her there, lying in a hospital bed, her shoulder wrapped up and arm in a brace, it took everything I had not to take her into my arms. But I didn't... I touched her though, I carefully ran my finger across her cheek before apologizing then...I left. I wish I never saw her like that.
I let out a groan of anger, "What do you want?"
"April wants to talk to all of us." He said.
"Okay? Am I supposed to care?" I said, before making myself comfortable again so I could go back to sleep.
"It's about Lillian."
I didn't react, I sort of just twisted myself around so I could see the seriousness in Leo's eyes. Finally sitting up from the bed, I sighed as I stretched the sleep out of my muscles. I shook my head, "I thought I told everyone that I didn't want anyone talking to me about her."
"Just come out of your room for once," Leo ordered before shutting my door behind him.
Fuck... The last thing I need is to be reminded about how much of an idiot I am.
After about five minutes of contemplating whether or not I should leave my room, I cursed my legs for reacting faster than I could think. I walked out of my room and found everyone surrounding April who looked...depressed. I stopped in my tracks, suddenly terrified at why she looked so sad. What happened to her? Is she okay?
I went over to lean against the wall instead of sitting down where Mikey and Donnie were.
After waiting for a while, April let out a breath she'd been holding in. "She told me not to tell you all. But I can't keep this a secret..."
"Is she okay?" Mikey asked softly.
April shrugged, "Physically...yes. She's doing great. But this whole ordeal just created a bunch of other stuff." Her eyes made contact with mine for a split second before she continued. "Barry doesn't feel comfortable having everyone here. So they're moving back to California."
Sometimes, when I run so fast, the wind is hitting my face so hard that I can't breathe. When I stop my lungs are practically burning for air and I feel a sense of relief when I can finally breathe. This feeling I had felt like I was running directly against a blast of wind. I couldn't breathe and I was choking. Not only were my lungs burning but my heart was too. So much so that I felt my whole body shake almost like I was terrified.
I watched Mikey burry is head in his hands, Donnie was quiet and seemed to give off no reaction; I could tell what he was feeling. Leo let his head drop like he had been defeated.
"Forever?" Donnie asked softly.
April shook her head, "I don't know. This is probably... I mean she didn't say-"
"Yeah, she's not coming back," Casey said.
That felt like a punch to the gut.
Mikey shook his head, "No. She can't just be gone. She can't just go."
"Mikey..." April began, sympathetically.
"No, no... No! This can't be happening. I don't get to see her because of him, then she stops talking to us because of him, she gets hurt and doesn't want to see us, now we'll never see her again? This isn't fair!" He shouted, his voice shaking with anger and sadness.
"Mikey, Lilly is almost 18," Leo said. "Next year she'll be able to make her own decision and make the choice to come back."
Casey chuckled evilly, "I don't think you heard me when I said she's not coming back. She wants to go. She doesn't want to be here anymore."
"What?" Mikey gasped.
Donnie stood, "She told you this?" Casey just shrugged.
Mikey was in complete denial. "No, that doesn't sound like her at all."
"You're telling me, Mike." Casey crosses his arms over his chest. "She's cold now. Like she has no feelings anymore."
"When is she leaving?" Donnie asked.
"Next week," April said.
"What?! Next week?!" Mikey started for the exit. "I have to go see her."
April stood up and grabbed his hand before he could go any further. "Mikey, I'm not finished. You need to hear the rest."
"No, I don't. I need to see Lillian and try to convince her to stay."
"You can't do that, Mikey. She doesn't want you to." April said sternly.
"I don't believe you!" He yelled. "How could she be okay about never seeing us ever again? Leaving us behind...after everything we've been through? There has to be a way to make her stay."
"Mikey, she didn't want you to know she was leaving," April said quickly, almost like she was ripping off a bandaid. "She told me she didn't want to say goodbye to any of you. She told me not to tell you all that she was leaving." April looked over at me for a moment. "But I am... I couldn't let her do that to you."
I knew she was talking to me. As if I wasn't already hurting enough without her. I knew that he was angry with me would be something that would last forever, but it seemed easier to deal with knowing she was just a couple blocks from where I live. Now that I know she was going to leave us and not come back because of me...it suddenly felt like pouring salt into the wound. It felt almost like she was trying to hurt me by telling April not to tell us she was leaving. A cop-out... She didn't want to say goodbye? She shouldn't have told April anything if that was the case.
"Her words were 'we'll grow up and forget'," Casey added bitterly.
"Forget? Why...how could she ever think that?" Donnie asked astonished.
"I feel like overnight she changed. It was clear to the both of us she didn't want Raph to know so that it would hurt even more when he found out she was gone." April explained.
"When I told her it would hurt everyone," Casey interjected. "She said 'so be it'..."
Mikey snatched his hand from April's grip, "No! I don't believe you! She'd never do that to me! To us! Her family? I don't believe you!"
"Mikey, why would I lie?" April breathed.
Mikey shook his head frantically, "No," he fell back down to the couch and buried his head once again in his hands. I think this time to hide the fact that he was getting emotional.
After a small moment of silence, Leo came over to me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Raph?"
I shrugged it off, not saying a word.
"You haven't said a word," Leo whispered.
"What do you want me to say?" I asked.
Donnie snorted, "An apology would suffice."
"Apology?" I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "For what?"
"You started all this mess."
"Jesus Christ, I don't know how many times I have to repeat the same thing over and over again. This is completely her choice. I am not telling her to do this, to be this evil towards us. You guys think this doesn't hurt me too, are you fucking dumb?" I growled. "This is exactly why she's doing this. Because she wants me to be hurt. To get to me, she's including all of us. How is that my fault?"
"Because you broke her!" Mikey yelled.
I rolled my eyes, "This is just the same broken record going around and around."
"It seems like the consequences of your actions are never-ending." Donnie snapped.
"Then why the fuck are you still here?" I challenged. "If you and Mikey and April and everyone love her so much why don't you go against her wishes and see her. You did it once, what's stopping you this time?"
April sat back down, "I...can't see her."
"What?" Mikey gasped.
"Mikey you didn't see the coldness in her eyes. She doesn't want anything to do with us. I don't think any of us should see her. I think we should just do what she tells us to before it turns bad real quick." April told him, looking frightened.
Casey chuckled, "I think, and no offense Raph, but I think someone needs to knock some sense into her."
"Ok Casey, let's not be barbaric," Leo said. "This is not the 1950s and no one is going to do anything to Lillian."
"Relax Leo, I'm not saying we beat her." Casey laughed. He looked at me for a split second before he waved his hands in surrender. "I'm not saying that."
I clenched my fists and growled, "Watch it, Jones." I warned.
"I'm not! I'm saying someone needs to talk some sense into her and I think it should be you, Raph." Casey suggested.
"I am not going to-"
"Just convince her to say goodbye. Tell her to stop being mean. Apologize."
"I'm not going to see her."
"Why not?" April asked. "You're never going to see her after this."
Mikey suddenly charged for me, his hands pushing me up against the wall so hard it almost knocked the air out of me. "Do this one thing, you idiot." He growled. Loosening his grip on me, he softened his tone. "If she leaves out of our lives without saying goodbye, I'll never forgive you."
My hands came up and around Mikey's, "I know you love her, but Mike, you have to understand that she doesn't want us in her life anymore. And now she has the opportunity to start over without us, why try and stop that?"
Mikey's eyes widened, he pushed my hands off of his and backed away slowly. "Why'd you have to ruin it for all of us? Maybe you were okay with throwing her to the side and having her hate you. Maybe you knew things would end up like this and it was for the better. And maybe I know that to... But I can't just let her walk out of my life. I'm not you."
"Mike..." I reached out for him because I felt his pain. I know he was trying to hurt me with his words but it wasn't working. Instead, I just felt sorry for the guy.
He smacked my hand away, "Don't." He said before backing away and walking to his room, slamming the door behind him.
April wiped the tears that fell from her eyes and cradled her head in her hands. Donnie day next to her to comfort her but was seemed caught off guard just for a moment when April turned to throw her arms around him and hug him, he just softly and awkwardly patted her back.
Since there was nothing left to talk about, I turned on my heel and headed back to my room. Leo stopped me by grabbing my arm, "Think about it."
I stared at him like he was making a sick joke. "You can't be serious,"
"I am. Don't let her leave on a bad note."
For a moment, I could found myself listening to what he was telling me to do. I understood. I got it. I didn't want her to leave, hell, of course, I wanted her to stay but I can't stop her. I was with her for a little over a year, I called it off after realizing I'll only be holding her back from living her full life, if I go back right now...all of this will be for nothing.
I love her, more than anything in the world. I love her so much that I'd be able to let her go. Why everyone else can't? I don't know.
"This is her decision." I sighed before walking away from him and back into my room.
I just...can't do it.
I told you it gets worse. And it got worse. Now, I just want to say one thing. I'm trying to figure out how to end this fic, whether it be in the next chapter or if I have to add another chapter. I'll see. Thank you for stick with me and reviewing, your criticism is greatly appreciated. The sequel won't be 60+ chapters long lol, but I am thinking about not writing it in First POV. Anyways, see you in the next chapter!