Chapter 12.
Harvey was pretty sure that Mike was in fact crying, right there on the couch in front of him. It was also obvious that he was trying to hide it. He was pressing a pillow over his face and was laying unnaturally still. He couldn't hide the way his chest contracted though. Harvey didn't know what to do. Mike didn't want him to leave the room and he didn't want Harvey to know how upset he really was. What would he do if Harvey called him out on it? Would he be angry or grateful? Would it help the situation in any way?
He thought that he had been pretty clear about that he was prepared to help Mike. He had asked if it was something he could do, but Mike had said that it wasn't. Or really, he had said that he didn't know. Or maybe he didn't know how to ask for help.
He thought about what Mike had told him and the police about what had happened to him. He had been forced away from his home, not knowing why or to where. Then they had tied him up, questioned him about Harvey. They had hit him. Then he had been left in total darkness for days. He had been tied up the entire time. Harvey swallowed hard when he thought about it. It must have been so damn awful. Mike had also said that he didn't tell them everything. Harvey couldn't stop thinking about that. What was it that Mike didn't tell them about?
He really didn't know what to do to help. He had never been in a situation like this before. Mike was still crying. It must have been at least ten minutes now, and all he did was sit there and watch. What kind of man was he really? He should say something, do something to help. His young friend was hurting right in front of him. He needed to say something.
"Mike?" He started. Mike jerked when he did and made a sound that cut a little in Harvey. "I know you are awake still. I just wanted to ask if there is anything at all I can do for you to make you feel a bit better."
Mike drew a few deep breaths.
"I..." He said. His voice was shaking, Harvey could tell on just that simple word. "I just… I just want you to stay here." He said then. It barely sounded like him. "I don't want to be here alone. I don't."
"You're not. Mike you're not. I'll stay here, okay. Don't worry. You know what? I'll just go and grab a blanket and I'll sleep here in the chair for a while. That's okay."
Mike still didn't turn to look at him. Both of his hands grabbed his pillow hard and both hands were shaking. Harvey stood up to go and just get the blanket. Mike jerked then and a sob escaped him.
"You'll come back?" He said. "You will? You'll stay?"
"Yes." Harvey said and hurried to get what he needed. Mike had turned around when he came back. He had pulled the blanket tight around him and was looking up at him. Even in the dim light Harvey could see that his eyes were swollen.
"It's okay. Try to relax." Harvey smiled at him and sat down; he wasn't surprised at all when Mike didn't smile back.
"Okay. Thank you." He whispered. Harvey watched how he closed his eyes just to open them five seconds later. He saw that Harvey was watching him and closed his eyes again. The same thing happened again though. It was obvious that Mike had a hard time relaxing. It probably took him an hour before his eyes finally remained closed and his breaths started to even out. Harvey closed his own eyes then, he felt pretty satisfied by his actions. Somehow, he had managed to help the kid a little. He felt so sorry for Mike. He didn't want him to feel like this, and he was going to help. He was glad though that Mike had been honest about what he needed, that he had asked for Harvey's company.
Mike had more nightmares but no one as bad as the one that made him throw up. They made him wake up twice but both times Harvey was there. The first time he fell asleep again pretty fast but the other time he was awake for a while until the sounds of Harvey's light snoring lolled him back to sleep. He woke up early and wasn't able to fall back asleep. Harvey was still sleeping in the chair next to him. That felt good. Harvey had kept his word and stayed. He felt embarrassed now though. He had really been a mess yesterday; he had really felt lousy and scared. He had been so scared of being left alone that he hadn't been able to stop crying. Not until Harvey had promised to stay. Now Harvey probably thought he was pathetic; he would probably want to talk about it as well. But Mike didn't know what he should say, he certainly didn't want to talk about it, he knew that much. Because who did stuff like that? It really was pathetic; he had behaved like some child.
He lay and tried to fall back asleep for a while, checked his phone, tried sleeping again, but was unsuccessful. Eventually he got up and took a shower. Harvey was awake when he came out again. It had taken him a long time since he tried to take care of his bandages. The one on his throat he had only tried to dry with a towel. He didn't want to remove and see the damage. He wasn't up for that at all. Harvey didn't mention anything either.
"How are you feeling?" Harvey had gotten dressed and was making coffee in the kitchen. He made a cup for Mike as well.
"I don't know. Better than last night." Mike pulled the cup against him and sat down.
"That's good." Harvey said.
"Yeah." Mike sighed. "Why are you dressed like that?" He mentioned for Harvey's t-shirt. "What about work?"
"Not today, kid. I thought we would just stay home and relax for a few days. We have certainly earned it."
Mike looked at him for a moment. He knew what Harvey was doing and while he appreciated it, he also despised it. They were staying home because of him and what had happened to him. And also, after how he had behaved last night it was no wonder Harvey didn't want him at work.
"Okay." He just said.
They had breakfast after that, they talked and even laughed. Harvey told him that he basically hadn't had a vacation in forever and Mike promised to get kidnapped more often then so that Harvey could get more free time.
"Maybe that's a bit extreme. I should probably just get better in actually taking days off."
"Yeah, you should. You take your work way too serious." Mike smirked.
Harvey was pretty sure that he managed to make Mike feel a bit better. They had breakfast and went out to sit on the balcony for a few hours. Mike even fell asleep for a bit. He must be tired. However, he woke up so sudden that it only could have been a nightmare. After that Mike was quiet and withdrawn. He tried to keep up appearances, but Harvey could see though him, he wasn't in a good place. He just sat in silence on the couch after they went inside again. Then Harvey remembered that they needed to change Mike's dressings.
"You should have said something." He told Mike as he got the stuff needed. "The hospital said twice a day." Mike didn't answer him. He seemed to handle it badly this time as well and Harvey didn't like to have to do it to him. This time he also changed the bandage along Mike's neck. The kid had showered with it and hadn't bothered to cover it up. How could he? So, it was still damp.
"That can't be that good Mike. We should have done this earlier." He said and received nothing in response. Mike just sat there stiffly with his head leaned upwards. Harvey did everything as quickly as he could. The neck wound wasn't as bad as the wound along his wrist though, but Harvey come to think about something when he worked with it.
"How did you get this? I don't think you told the police about it."
Mike swallowed hard then. "Yes, I did. They cut me." He mumbled.
"No, you didn't mention it. I don't have your brain, but that I would have remembered."
"What does it matter!?" Mike raised his voice a bit. "One of them cut me, what else is there to tell?"
Harvey studied him for a moment. Mike had both his fist closed and was breathing rapidly. He decided that it was best to let it go and finished with putting a new bandage on in silence.
Donna came over a bit later and Mike seemed to light up again. They had dinner together and Donna kept the conversation going. Mike offered to wash up after dinner and Harvey and Donna let him.
"How is he really doing?" Donna asked.
"Honestly I think he is faking right now. I mean yesterday was pretty good right, but he changed after you left. I found him just sitting by the door. Then he woke up screaming in the middle of the night. I couldn't reach through to him and then he threw up. Nightmares made him throw up. He refused to talk about it though, but he wanted me to stay with him after that."
Donna looked worried and nodded. "It's not that strange that he is feeling bad. What he went through was terrible. We really need to help him."
"Yes, Donna. We do." They both looked over to him. Just then Mike looked up at them too.
"What?" He said and raised his eyebrows. "Are you talking about me?"
"Of course, we are." Donna said just as Harvey said. "Not everything is about you, you know."
Mike just smiled at them and went back to the dishes. Both Harvey and Donna smiled back at him.
"I am so glad we got him back." Donna whispered and Harvey could see that her eyes had teared up.
"Me too." He said. He quickly squeezed her hand.
The three of them spent some time on the couch after that. Then Donna hugged Mike tight before leaving for the night. She whispered in his ear as she hugged him.
"You can call me any time."
"Thanks, Donna." Mike whispered back. He waved a little at her as she left. Harvey helped him change the dressings again. This time it was a bit more bearable.
"Looks better already actually." Harvey said.
"Do you think that you will be able to sleep, or do you want me to stay up with you again?" Harvey asked next. Mike felt how he blushed then. Why did he have to ask that?
"I'm fine." He said, not looking at Harvey.
"Are you sure? I don't mind, you know." Harvey was saying.
Mike forced himself to smile. "I'm good Harvey. Thanks though."
Harvey studied him for a moment but nodded then. "Alright then. I'll go to bed. You know where to find me." Harvey patted his shoulder and left.
"Good night!" He called after him and Harvey waved a little without turning around. Mike smiled a little and sat down on the couch.
He couldn't help but sigh. It was time to sleep again, he would be lying if he said that he didn't dreaded it. He felt pretty down all at once as he laid down. He didn't understand why Harvey just bought what he had just said. Did he really think that Mike would be okay, considering how he was last night?
He really dreaded going to sleep. Or not the sleeping part but the thoughts he would most certainly have before and the nightmares that would come. That scared him. When he tried to close his eyes memories at once was over him and he opened his eyes and sat up. He stared at some stupid painting on Harvey's wall. Mike would never have put it up. He slowly laid down again.
He had been kidnapped and held for four days. It was almost hard to believe that that really had happened to him. He hadn't been treated good at all. He had been assaulted, bound and humiliated. He remembered how he had cried in front of them and how they had laughed at him then, taunted him. He felt himself tense, almost like his body was physically trying to resist the memories.
He felt alone. He knew that Harvey was in the next room, but it just didn't help. He wanted to get up and go to the older man. He wished he could think about some reason for him to do so but could not come up with one. He had been awake for almost an hour. For a while things had been good and he had had a nice time with Harvey and Donna. Now all of that was gone. It was his own fault; he had said that he was okay when he wasn't.
The night turned out to be just as bad as Mike had feared it would be. He laid awake for hours, trapped in memories. Eventually he fell asleep but woke up again in what felt like five minutes later. It took him probably half an hour to calm down again and make the feeling from the nightmare go away. He felt shaky and could feel how his heart was beating. Also, it felt like something heavy was pressing against his chest. He just laid there and waited for it to go away. At some point he felt too overwhelmed and he cried a bit. He didn't know what to do, he wanted to do something to change the situation but was at a loss of what that could be. In the end he just stayed where he was. He didn't get much sleep that night.
He went up then when Harvey did, he lied and said that he had slept okay. Today they were going to the police station so that he could meet with a sketch artist. They had breakfast but Mike didn't feel that hungry. He thought about when he was held, and he ate anyway. It just felt like he needed to. He didn't feel like talking much and didn't bother to care that Harvey probably noticed that he was down. He couldn't pretend right now, he felt exhausted and emotional. Harvey made a few attempts of talking to him, but he didn't really answer that much so Harvey stopped and just sat down at his computer in his office. Mike just went back to couch and sat down there. He didn't understand why Harvey couldn't be in the same room at least. Didn't he want to be around Mike now? Why was that? Was he a bother to Harvey now? Did he want to be alone? Should Mike maybe leave? He had trouble letting all of those thoughts go. Harvey had said that he could stay a few days here though. It had been two nights now. How long did a few days mean?
When he thought about going back to his own apartment, he felt both nervous and kind of nauseated. He couldn't stop thinking about the last time he went home. They must have followed him there. The feeling of hands pulling him towards the van, how scared he had been, how he had screamed. Why couldn't he just forget it?
-SUITS-
Harvey walked into the living room and looked for Mike. He was curled up on the couch, where he had been since they had breakfast. He was pretty sure that Mike hadn't moved an inch. He had a blanket over his legs that he had drawn up close to his body. He was holding the blanket with both hands up against his chest. He was sitting very still and was just looking right in front of him. He looked pale and tired, almost sick. He was blinking slowly. Harvey wondered what was going on in that head of his. He suspected that it wasn't anything good.
"Mike?" He quietly said as to not startle him. He got no reaction though, so he tried again. Mike still didn't react so Harvey walked over on the back of the couch and shook his shoulder a little. That got him a reaction. Mike yelped and jerked to the side so violently that he fell off the couch. The blanket followed and effectively trapped the kid's legs.
Mike looked up at him in chock and tried to get up again but couldn't get his legs loose quick enough. Harvey watched almost as frozen as Mike made another clumsy attempt of getting the blanket off him. He made a whimpering sound that cut into Harvey as it still didn't work. Harvey sprang to action then and quickly went around to couch and moved the table aside to get to the kid.
"Hey, it's okay. Calm down." He said as he freed Mike's legs. The younger man scrambled away from him until the wall stopped him. He yet again drew up his legs to his chest and hugged them to him. He stared at the ground and refused to meet Harvey's eyes.
"Mike, hey. I'm sorry for startling you."
Mike nodded a little. "Don't touch me like that." He said and bowed his head down so that Harvey couldn't see his face.
"I won't. I'm sorry."
Mike didn't answer, so Harvey spoke again.
"Mike, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, but you didn't react when I said your name. What were you thinking about?"
"What do you think?" Mike threw out, still not looking up. Harvey couldn't help but sigh as he stood up.
"Get up from the floor Mike." He said. He did not know if it was from defiance or something else, but Mike remained where he was. He decided to not say anything else, it was Mike's choice if he wanted to sit on the floor instead of the couch.
Mike just stayed where he was. He heard Harvey telling him to get up but right now he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Honestly, he didn't feel good. Nothing was how it was supposed to be. Things were supposed to go back to normal now when everything was over, that was how it was going to go, but it just didn't happen. He was waiting for it to happen, but it didn't. He just couldn't let it go; it was all still in his mind. It was so real still; it was still so present. He had gotten stuck in memories hadn't been able to get out of them. Harvey had really startled him and then he had just walked away. It hurt that he just told him to get up and then left. Surely Harvey must see that he was struggling, but apparently, he didn't care. He didn't know what he wanted Harvey to do, or if he even wanted Harvey to acknowledge his behavior. He knew he didn't want this though.
He stayed where he was on the floor until Harvey told him to come and have lunch. He stiffly got up and joined Harvey at the table. They are mostly in silence and after that Mike returned to the couch and Harvey to his office. Mike sat there for a while until he got up to go to the bathroom. He didn't know why but he tried to be quiet while he walked past Harvey's office. He took a shower. The warm water felt nice. It calmed him down some.
When he came out Harvey told him it was time to go. Mike nodded, got dressed and they left. He followed Harvey out the door and to the waiting cab without thinking much about anything. They arrived at the police station and he was led to a room where a woman with brown, curly hair and kind eyes were waiting for him. He spent a couple of hours going through every detail of his kidnappers faces, until the woman showed him their images. He felt numb when he looked at them, but it was them. He got to leave after that.
After they got home again Mike felt tired and laid down on the couch below the cover. Harvey went to his office again. Mike didn't care that it was weird to basically go to bed in the afternoon but there was nobody there that said anything. Harvey was just in his office and apparently didn't care. He didn't know if he wanted to sleep or not. Somehow, he wished for a distraction, but that would involve other people, and he didn't feel equipped at the moment to go to Harvey. So, instead he just laid there.
-SUITS-
Something was really wrong with Mike. There was no denying it. Harvey felt kind of at a loss of what to do. He did try to engage Mike, but he barely got any response. So far, he had tried the tactic of distraction. It had worked pretty well yesterday, but not today. Mike was quiet and avoided to look him in the eye. Harvey understood that he needed to change tactics now, today had affected the kid. Mike was clearly feeling shitty about what had happened to him, and maybe he needed to talk about it. Harvey had avoided to bring up the kidnapping, but maybe that was what the kid needed to talk about now.
The younger man had spent almost the entire day at the couch and Harvey was pretty sure he was there now as well. Harvey didn't feel proud of himself for retracting to his office when Mike seemed to not want to talk. He needed to go out there and engage the kid. Maybe they could go out and do something together. Harvey could treat them to dinner, maybe they could grab a drink as well. That would cheer the kid up. It was close to six now, that was an acceptable time to go to dinner.
He walked into the living room and found Mike laying under the covers on the couch. He was awake though, just laying there blinking slowly. He didn't look good at all and Harvey felt something heavy in his stomach.
He walked over and sat down on the table next to Mike. The younger man didn't react.
"Hi kid." Harvey said, Mike then looked at him and Harvey was a bit taken a back when he noticed that Mike's eyes got shiny while they looked at each other.
"How are you feeling?" Harvey asked.
Mike shrugged a little but didn't answer.
"I was thinking that we could go out tonight and grab something to eat. What do you say about that?"
Mike shook his head then and looked away from him. "No, it's okay." He mumbled.
"Oh, come on. I'll even let you decide where to go."
"No, I'm not really hungry." Mike sat up.
"Okay, but I am. You can come and look when I eat. It'll do you good to get out of the house a bit."
"You go then. I'm staying here." Mike said stubbornly.
"No, you are not. It's my treat Mike."
"I said no, Harvey!" Mike raised his voice now. Then he threw the cover away and got up and disappeared to the bathroom, leaving Harvey sitting there looking after him.
Mike leaned against the locked bathroom door and tried to keep it together. His heart was beating hard and he felt so damn close to tears that he didn't think he would be able to stop them. He had just yelled at Harvey. He had yelled and stormed off, the bathroom being the only place he could think of where he could be alone.
Harvey had wanted to go out and eat. That was a nice gesture, Mike knew that Harvey just wanted to try and make him feel better. He had thrown that in the older man's face. Harvey would probably be pissed at him now. Mike didn't want that. A few tears escaped now, and he pressed his lips hard together and wiped them away.
He didn't want to go outside. He didn't want to leave at all, and he didn't want Harvey to leave either. What if he did now? Mike had told him that he could, he regretted that so much now. What if Harvey left while he was in here? But he didn't have himself enough together to walk out yet.
How would he fix this? Maybe he could say that he was too tired to head out. Would Harvey accept that? He couldn't tell him the truth that was for sure. The truth was that he was too afraid to go outside. He didn't like the word afraid but knew that was what it was. They were still not caught. Didn't Harvey understand that the men who had kidnapped him was still out there?
He splashed some water in his face and stared at himself in the mirror. He looked pale and almost kind of sick. Ugly. The bandage that was still a bit damp from his shower stood out. He tore it off, but then regretted it when he instead laid eyes on the scar. He backed away from the mirror but couldn't tear his eyes away from the scar.
He was on the ground. Bound. A hand was squeezing his neck. He was squirming on the ground trying to get away. The hand was gone and instead something sharp was there. He felt the intense pain again. Something wet ran down along his neck. He screamed.
The next thing he knew was a banging on the bathroom door. He blinked.
"Mike! What are you doing in there? What's wrong?"
He was panting. He tore his eyes away from the mirror and turned his back on it. He held his hands against his neck but didn't feel anything there. No blood. Harvey was outside the door.
"Mike, open this door right now!"
Mike took a few steps forward and unlocked the door. Harvey burst in right away. He was panting. He looked at Mike up and down. He looked worried.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
Mike nodded.
"Are you sure? You were… You called out. I thought something happened."
"No. I'm fine." Mike lied.
Harvey looked at the bandage on the floor and back to Mike's face via his neck.
"We don't need to go out and eat if you don't want to." He said. "We can order take out."
Mike smiled a little then. "Okay. Thanks."
"Sure." Harvey still didn't step out of the bathroom.
"Do you need help with that?" Harvey nodded against him then. Mike's hand travelled up to his neck again. He did need help with it. He nodded.
Harvey got the supplies ready while Mike just stood there. He didn't know what just had happened. It had been like he had been back there; it had felt just like it had then. For a couple of moments, the bathroom had been gone, and he had been back on that cold concrete floor. It had felt so incredibly real.
"You want to go to the kitchen, Mike?" Harvey kindly asked him, and Mike agreed to do so. The entire time Harvey tended to the wound he had to force himself to stay still. To clean up the wound and to put on a bandage probably took about one and a half minute. It felt like ten. He was so messed up.
-SUITS-