Epilogue

I sat at the edge of my bed, just looking at the empty bedroom around me. The closet was empty, the dressers had nothing inside them, all my pictures, memories...they were all packed up and ready to go. I just sat there and thought about how far I've come.

I came here a shy broken girl, my mother was jobless and obsessed with that piece of shit lowlife. She'd pick him over me in a second and I forced myself to get used to that. On the first day of school, I met April and from that day on she was my best friend. I found myself through dance, and I worked as hard as I could on my grades in the rest of my classes. Then came that fateful day, when a man wanted to rob me and I met four people that would change my life forever.

It took me a while to warm up to the guys, but they became my family. Mikey became my little brother, Donnie my confidant at times and even though it was bumpy for a while, I wouldn't trade my relationship with Leo for anything. Splinter, every time I spoke to him I felt like I was talking to my father, he was patient and understanding. That entire family became mine, and now it was time to find another.

I can't believe I'm willing to admit this to myself but, I will miss Casey. Our fights, looking back at them, will only make me laugh.

Starting from people who could do without each other, to friends, to best friends...then to lovers, Raphael was the one person I will look back on and always feel sad when he won't be beside me. I met him almost three years ago, he was more of an asshole at that time. Quickly, he became someone really important to me. Then soon after that, he became the most important person to me. Like I said, I came to New York a broken girl with memories that would forever haunt me. But Raphael, with his patients and kindness, he healed me in ways I couldn't myself. And although I am still angry at him that he broke my heart, I will never let the time we had together make me sad. Bittersweet I guess...

I looked over at my bed, patting the place where he used to sleep. "Maybe next time..." I whispered to myself.

I thought we were meant to be and there were times where I couldn't picture my life without him or his brothers in it. Now I have to. I have to graduate without them, I have to get a job without them, I have to go to college without them... I have to try and fall in love again without him.

But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I think that ship has sailed for me.

"Lillian," Ian said before coming into my room. "Are you...are you okay?"

I smiled, swallowing my tears. "Just saying goodbye."

Ian frowned, coming up to me and he knelt in front of me. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel so helpless. Your life has always been so tough, since the very beginning and I... I promised your father I'd make it better but I didn't."

I shook my head, "Life is hard for everyone."

Ian took my hands into his, "I'm talking about only you. A teenager growing into a young woman—you shouldn't have to deal with this. Being targeted, having to start over, dealing with John for years, not having a father figure in your life, not having me…"

I smiled, "You were my father when I needed one, Ian."

Ian's eyes went wide for a moment before his bottom lip began to tremble. He took my hand and held it to his forehead, staying silent so he could compose himself. Afterward, he kissed my knuckles before gathering me in his arms as best he could whilst being mindful of my still sore shoulder. "I'm going to try and make this move easy for you." He pulled away. "I'm always going to be there for you."

I nodded, "I know, Ian." I wiped his tears away. "It's okay. It's just something we have to do."

He shook his head, "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded after a small moment of thought. I guess it was time to start over then. Taking his hand and following him out of my room, I stopped for a moment, so I could turn around and take one last look at my room. This didn't feel like a 'see you soon' moment. It felt like I was…leaving for good. This was something I had to do, and I understood that but…I felt like I had no say, no choice. What can I do but start again…

Ian squeezed my hand, "Do you need time?"

I shook my head, "I'm okay."

All our bags were already packed and in the car Barry got us, all was left was both Ian and me.

When Ian opened the door, I was immediately met with two arms wrapping around my frame and squeezing so tight that I cried out in both shock and pain.

April immediately pulled away, "I'm sorry I just-"

"April?" I winced, rubbing my shoulder as it pulsated with pain. "What are you doing here?" My face focused on hers, her face was flushed and she was panting like she ran over here. Her cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

April shook her head, she seemed almost frantic. "I wanted to…say goodbye…" She wiped her tears as best as she could. "I saw your mom getting in the car and…I was up the street, so I ran and…" she let out a sob before she grabbed me again. "I know it's last-minute but I just-"

I whined in pain, pushing her away from me. "Ow, jeez, April easy on the squeezing. I'm still sore."

April pulled away, her hands desperately holding onto mine. "Lillian, please…" Tears were practically pouring out of her eyes. "Promise me you won't forget."

My eye widened before I sighed, pulling my hand out of her grip so I could wipe her tears away. "Forget what? I couldn't forget even if I wanted to." I wish I could.

April shook her head, "You have always been my best friend. You were there for me through thick and thin and I know you're going through so freaking much…" She once again, and this time carefully, wrapped her arms around my waist. "Promise me you'll still talk to me. Letters, texts, calls…" She gently shook me, "Smoke signals, I don't care but please don't forget me."

With my good arm, I squeezed her tiny waist. My heart was breaking with every sob she hurried into my shoulder. I was a hundred percent okay with the fact that the last time I saw her was going to be the last time, now, all at once, so fast, I had to say goodbye to her face to face.

"April," I said softly, just holding her. My eyes went to Ian who looked sad and both shocked that April seemed to appear out of nowhere. I'm still kind of speechless.

"I love you," April whimpered softly. "You'll always be my best friend."

"I love you too," I told her. She was my best friend, even when she was a pain sometimes I still loved her and I'm sure she felt the same thing with me. She was my family when I couldn't stand mine!

After a while, I noticed that Casey came running down the block towards us as well. I gasped when I saw him, "Where are you guys coming from what the heck?" Please, let it be just the two of them.

Casey walked up the stairs, panting, "I…parked…down the street. Ten minutes ago April said 'Let's go' so now we're here." I watched him turn to Ian, holding out his hand so Ian could shake it. "Safe flight."

Ian pulled Casey into a one-armed hug, "Stay in school. Thank you for everything."

April finally pulled away from me, wiping her tears before moving onto Ian. "Ian, I have something to confess."

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Ian said, taking her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

April hugged him, "You are so pretty and I have a huge crush on you and that's one of the reasons I am so upset that you're leaving." She confessed quickly.

Ian let out a laugh, squeezing April tightly. "Oh April," He chuckled, I don't think he knew what to say after that. "You're such a funny girl."

Casey came up to me, awkwardly opening his arms for a hug. "I'm not good at this."

I shook my head, "Neither am I." I wrapped my good arm around him. Was this the first time I was even hugging him? Casey and I were never really close, I guess.

"Don't break her heart." He whispered in my ear. I tensed in shock, my hear suddenly jumping in my throat at his tone change. "I know you want to forget this place and everything you experienced here but not April…"

I pulled away from his hug, my eyes not even looking at him. In fact, I was angry. I shouldn't have to defend anything that I'm doing. How dare he try to make me feel bad. All I want is to start over and forget…Raph. As selfish as it may be if that means forgetting about anyone else in the process then so be it. I want to be okay again.

Without even a second thought, I pushed past Casey and walked down the stairs. "Well, we should get going," I said, hiding my rage behind a happy voice. I could feel Casey staring at me. He's never going to forgive me. I know his feelings for April, and unfortunately, all the men in April's life have this savior complex and for some reason believe that April can't handle anything tough. If anything, April is stronger than I will ever be.

April ran down the steps to scoop me in her arms once more. "Ow," I groaned.

"I know," April shifting her arms to around my waist. "I'm sorry, I just…don't want you to leave."

Casey crossed his arms over his chest, frowning at April sadly, but glaring at me. There is truth to what he's saying. Fuck, he's almost worse than Raph.

I pried April off of me, "April, you know I love you so much."

April nodded, smiling through her tears. "I'm going to miss you so much."

"No one wants this." I took a deep breath. Why couldn't Casey shut the fuck up? Why couldn't I just say goodbye and leave? I shouldn't have to explain myself to April, break her heart instead of having her hold on to that hope. Looking at how sad she was already made me want to get into bed and disappear. I looked back at Casey…

At that moment, a split second, I told him everything I wanted to. In that split second, I made my decision, and even if I'll regret it later in life, I need to think about myself. I need to be selfish or I won't make it out whole. In that split second, I told Casey to fuck off. And he knew…

"But we'll keep in touch and see each other again." In another life…no let's be realistic, I have no idea when I was going to come back to New York, maybe 1 maybe 10 years… Maybe never, who knows… Whenever I feel ready. I don't think I need to tell anyone when that is. I brought her close to me one last time, glaring at Casey who glared right back.

I kissed April on the cheek, "Goodbye, April."

April brought my hand to her mouth before reaching out to cup my face and kiss my cheek right back. "Goodbye, Lillian."

From my first day of school, the first day I met April, to the first day I met the guys, I was doing this by myself. I had them to support me, but I started here in New York by myself, I want to leave nothing behind. I may be leaving with Ian, my mother, and Tony—but from here on out, I leave this part of my life behind and start a new one. Clean slate. The past, erased. I want to go by myself.

As I stepped into the vehicle, and we finally drove off to our destination, it felt like I was going to be crushed by some unknown force. My shoulders felt like they were carrying the weight of multiple worlds. I felt like I was going down a road I knew too well, but that didn't feel like a good thing. I just severed the most important relationships I've ever had and probably will ever have. I don't know if I'll ever be the same after this. Whatever happiness I had, I leave it here in New York with the people I leaned on the most.

Even though I told myself to never look back, to forget about everything and everyone here, I found myself wondering…

Hoping…