Chapter 14.
The first thing that Harvey noticed when he walked into the living room the next morning was that all the lights was on. Mike was sleeping on the couch still. He looked so young where he was, all curled up. He must have been up during the night and turned on the ceiling lights. Harvey hadn't heard him.
When Mike woke up about ten minutes later Harvey pretended that things were normal. Mike seemed to appreciate that. He asked about work and when they were going back.
"Are you missing your desk?" Harvey asked.
"I don't know." Mike said and looked away.
"Are you sure you are up for going back?"
"I'm not sick or anything!" Mike exclaimed.
"You haven't left the apartment in days, kid." Harvey said lightly, but Mike glared at him and didn't answer.
"Just take a few more days Mike." He said.
"Fine." Mike said and reached for his phone. After breakfast Harvey helped Mike to change the bandages. His wounds looked a lot better by now and Harvey didn't put anything back on Mike's neck. He almost changed his mind though about not doing it. It kind of hurt in him every time he looked at Mike now when he saw the scar along his neck. It reminded him what Mike had been through and how he had been unable to help.
He placed another call to the police and got no news. They did say that they would call him when they had anything though. Harvey decided to ignore the hint about them wanting him to stop calling.
Mike watched some TV and Harvey sat by his computer. They had lunch. Donna called and talked to both him and Mike. She asked if Mike was feeling better, but Harvey didn't know what to answer to that.
The day was slow, and Mike seemed to be pretty irritated for some reason. He told Harvey to leave him alone when Harvey commented on it.
The day passed like that. They didn't talk much, mostly because Mike seemed to not want to.
Mike actually didn't know why he felt so annoyed with Harvey. Or it wasn't really Harvey he was angry about. It was everything, the whole situation. He felt anxious and stressed and didn't know why. He tried to watch TV, he tried to read, but he had trouble concentrating. Everything just sucked.
When it got late again, he felt even worse. He was tired because he had slept like crap the night before, but he didn't want to sleep. He knew now what would happen. And he was right. He woke up in terror that night as well. He felt genuinely scared, was sweaty and breathless.
He laid awake for a long time after that. He didn't want to go back to sleep but at the same time he didn't want to stay awake. He didn't know what to do. His mind constantly wandered back to the concreate floor, and every time he tried to will the thoughts away.
The next morning, he woke up exhausted. Harvey had decided to head over to work for a bit during the day, but when Mike said that he could come with him, Harvey said that he should stay home and rest. Mike didn't have the energy or will to argue about it.
He sat on the couch after Harvey had left, not bothering putting the TV on or doing anything else. Donna surprised him a few hours later by bringing him lunch. She stayed for two hours and that was nice. He enjoyed it, but after that he was left alone again. He felt worse then, he felt really down actually. Yet again his memories bothered him, and he didn't know what to do. He debated calling Harvey. He wanted to do it, at least just to ask when the older man was coming home. In the end he didn't do it though.
He managed to fall asleep for a bit and when he woke up again it was starting to get dark. He hurriedly turned the light on since he felt anxious at once. What the hell was wrong with him?
"Harvey?" He called out but didn't get an answer. He wandered around for a bit in the condo but found that he was alone still. It was almost six in the evening, and Harvey wasn't back yet. He checked the door to make sure that it was locked. He wished Harvey would come. He didn't feel like being alone. He couldn't help to think about the fact that someone could come and break in. They could come and take him again. He knew that it wouldn't happen, really, he knew, but him knowing didn't help. He still felt so incredibly scared.
He took his phone and went to the bathroom and locked the door. He tried to tell himself that he was being ridiculous and walked back and forth in the small room indecisive whether he should just ignore the fear and walk out again or just let it take him and stay where he was in the bathroom.
He ended up staying. He sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall next to the shower. Then he waited for Harvey to come back home. He texted Harvey and tried to be casual, asking if he was on his way because Mike thought of ordering something to eat. It was a lie though; he wasn't going to order. Harvey answered a few minutes later and said that he was sorry, but he would probably be an hour or so longer.
Mike wanted to cry when he read that. He stayed in the bathroom for an hour and 27 minutes longer. That was when he heard Harvey unlocking the door. As the time went by, he did not feel better, rather the opposite. The worst part was the humiliation he felt over feeling and behaving the way he was. He didn't understand why. Sure, he had been through something really shitty, but it was over now.
He had never felt like this before. He didn't know how to make it stop. It almost felt hard to breathe. He felt like he was close to tears.
He didn't feel ready when he heard Harvey in the door. He didn't walk out until he heard Harvey call his name.
"Hey. Sorry. It took longer than I thought." Harvey said when he saw him. "Did you order something? I'm starving."
"No, not yet. I… I forgot." Mike said. Harvey gave him a look but didn't say anything else. Harvey ordered them Chinese food.
Mike slept badly that night as well. He woke up and was bombarded with memories. All bad ones. He tried not to, but he cried. He felt pathetic. Harvey didn't come.
The next morning, he was in a bad mood even before Harvey told him that he would head to work alone again. Mike argued this time and Harvey left in anger. Mike screamed after him. Then he felt bad about it.
It was an awful day. Harvey came home earlier at least but he was still a little pissed. He went to his office and Mike watched TV with the sound on pretty high. Harvey closed the door.
Harvey tried to work but it was hard to concentrate. He had fought with Mike today, it seemed like the kid was in a foul mood and Harvey thought it best to keep a little distance, because he didn't want to say anything that he would regret. But he needed to have a little talk with Mike. Clearly Mike wasn't feeling well. He even looked like it. It was something in his eyes.
Their talk didn't go so well, in fact it went really bad. Harvey had just wanted to help but Mike got annoyed with him and then angry.
"Mike, I'm just saying that I can see that you are feeling like shit. And that is understandable. And maybe if you just talked about it with someone it would help."
"What do you mean, someone? You or what? Like you care." Mike snarled at him.
"Mike, come on. You know I do. I'm letting you stay here aren't I?"
"Yeah. You are awesome Harvey." Mike glared at him.
It got worse from there. They both said things that they didn't mean, and it ended with Mike so upset that he swore heavily at Harvey and stormed out.
"Mike! Where the hell are you going? Come back." Harvey called after him, but Mike didn't turn around. He disappeared down the hallway.
Harvey felt bad. He shouldn't have pushed the kid. Mike had told him something about Harvey just leaving. That was obviously an issue with the kid. That Harvey had left for work and left Mike behind. Maybe he shouldn't have done it. But Mike had seemed fine lately. He seemed to be doing better, even though it looked like he often zooned out. Sometimes he didn't react when Harvey called his name. He just kept staring straight ahead lost in some memories. Harvey knew that it wasn't any good memories.
Donna had been on him today about getting Mike to open up. To try and talk to him. He had failed with that today. Mike didn't want to talk about what was bothering him and maybe Harvey should have left it alone. He had said some harsh stuff to Mike just now. He had told him that he wouldn't make any progress if he just stayed hold up in the apartment.
"You were the one who told me to stay here! You didn't want me to come to work."
"I'm not talking about work here."
Mike had told him to shut up after that and Harvey told him to not talk to him like that in his own house. Mike left shortly after that and now Harvey debated whether to go after him or not. He decided to wait for a bit. He texted Mike though but didn't get a reply. He knew that the right thing was to head after the kid.
He had seen how Mike would jerk at loud sounds. Every morning when Harvey went up the light in the ceiling was on. Mike looked tired all the time, but Harvey hadn't heard anything from him during the nights. Mike said he slept okay. He said he was fine when Harvey asked. But it was something in his eyes that the younger man couldn't hide. It was a kind of haunted look. When he got startled, he looked terrified sometimes. No, something was wrong, and Mike needed to do something about it now. Harvey was going to help him. Tonight, he hadn't helped, and even though he felt pretty pissed at the kid now, he needed to be the one that took the step back. After all it was his fault that Mike was in this situation, Mike had gotten kidnapped because people wanted to get to him. Him and not Mike.
He waited about an hour before he decided it was time to find Mike. He gave him a call but wasn't surprised when Mike didn't pick up. So, he got a jacket, keys and his phone and headed out the door. Mike had left in anger. He probably didn't have anything else but his phone. Where would he go? He considered calling Donna but thought it best to wait a bit. He felt a bit worried though. What if Mike did something stupid now when he was in a bad mood and all. It had happened before.
As he walked into the lobby, he couldn't help but draw a breath of relief. Mike was sitting on a bench next to the reception desk. Harvey nodded to the man that was working today and stepped over to Mike.
"Hey there." He said and watched how Mike jerked, before quickly looking up at him. Harvey saw how he clenched his teeth.
"Hi." He said.
"So, it's here you are."
Mike glared a little at him. "Yeah." He muttered.
"Have you been here the whole time?" Harvey asked.
"Yeah." Mike said again and looked down.
Harvey sighed. "Okay? Are you ready to come back up again then? Or do you want to sit here a bit longer?"
"Where are you going?" Mike asked instead, totally ignoring Harvey's question. He still felt pretty pissed, so he wasn't sure if he wanted to go back up. But it was a bit silly to sit down here now when Harvey knew about it.
At first when he had stormed out from Harvey's apartment he hadn't really thought about where he was going, he just wanted to get out of there. He had been so angry that he just left. But as soon as he got out of the elevator and approached the front door, he started to change his mind. He didn't really want to go out there and he hated himself for it. He wasn't going to stay here just because he was scared of going out there, he wasn't going to let that stop him. But when he put his hand on the door to push it open, he stopped. He couldn't do it. He didn't want to do it. For a moment he just stood there. Then he removed his hand and backed away.
"Are you okay, man?" The guy that worked in Harvey's building had asked him then.
"Yeah, sure. I'm just going to…" He swallowed, not really knowing what to do. But then he saw the bench, so he just sat down. He felt like crap and pretty much hated himself. He was a damn coward. He didn't dare to even step outside the building. He really was messed up.
Harvey was just standing there in front of him now. He probably thought that he was an idiot.
"Where do you think I was going?" Harvey asked him.
"I don't know." Mike didn't really care. Or what he cared about was how long Harvey would be gone for, he didn't want to sit here the entire night. It was starting to get dark outside.
"I was going to look for you, you idiot. Come on." Harvey turned around and started to walk back towards the elevator. Mike got up and followed him then. He felt relieved.
It was awkward in the elevator. Neither of them spoke.
"Look Mike. I just wanted to help, okay." Harvey said when they sat down in the living room.
"Okay." Mike said. He had a hard time looking at Harvey. He felt embarrassed about earlier. He had stormed out and then Harvey found him in the lobby. Harvey knew he was a coward now.
"Mike, look at me." Harvey then said and Mike did.
"I'm sorry." Harvey said. "I know this isn't easy for you. I shouldn't have pushed you."
"Okay Harvey. I'm sorry too, for you know, yelling at you and stuff."
"It's fine. You are forgiven." The older man smiled; Mike felt close to tears without knowing why.
"If you don't want to talk that's fine. I won't bring it up again."
"Okay."
"But if you feel bad you can… "
Mike interrupted him. "I'm fine Harvey. Okay!" He raised his voice a little too much. Harvey held up his hands then.
"Okay, okay. You are fine."
They left it at that, and Harvey put on a movie and they had a quiet dinner.
Mike felt just worse the longer the night progressed. He shouldn't have argued with Harvey. Why did he? And he had said that he was fine. He wasn't fine. He had to go to the bathroom to splash cold water on his face just to make sure he didn't lose it.
He felt so frustrated with himself. Why couldn't he just get over it already?
He didn't want to sleep that night. He couldn't get rid of the images of that concrete floor and men walking towards him. Them laughing at him, telling him Harvey wouldn't pay the ransom, hitting him. He could feel exactly where hands had held him to force a in old sandwich picked up from the floor down his throat. Hands on his back, stroking it.
Nothing he did helped to get rid of the thoughts. For hours he laid there. He cried at one point; he couldn't hold it back. He did it quietly though, into the pillow.
He thought of what Harvey had said today. That he knew that Mike was struggling. But he didn't do anything to help. He wanted Mike to talk about it, yet Harvey asked nothing. They didn't talk about what had happened. It was almost like Harvey pretended that it hadn't happened. It hurt.
-SUITS-
Mike was already up the next morning when Harvey stepped into the living room.
"I want to come with you to work." He said before Harvey got a word out.
"Ehm… okay. Do you think that's a good idea then?" Harvey hesitated.
"Yes, I do. I don't want to be stuck here anymore."
"Mike…"
"Harvey. I'm fine."
"Well, you don't look fine. But okay, you can come, on one condition."
"What?"
"If I tell you to head back home, you do it."
Mike glared a little at him, but he agreed. "Fine."
Harvey didn't know if it was the right way to go, but maybe it would actually help Mike. It would give him something else to focus his attention on. And maybe that was a good thing. It would also bring back some normalcy. After all, some time had passed now, and Harvey couldn't keep Mike at home forever.
So, they had a quick breakfast, and Harvey waited while Mike got dressed, and then they left for the office.
Mike felt a bit nervous when they stepped out of the building. It was the first time in a long time he was outside now. He couldn't help but look around and then felt embarrassed when a Harvey patted his back. Harvey must have seen that he was worried. It felt better to be in the car.
He felt nervous about going to the office as well. It was almost two weeks since he was there now. He wondered if the other associates knew about what had happened to him. Would they talk? Mock him? Who got themselves kidnapped anyway?
"Are you ready for this?" Harvey asked when they were in the elevator on their way up. "It's okay if you are not, kid." Harvey added kindly.
"Harvey, we are here already. I'm fine." It wasn't like he could change his mind now. That'd be pathetic.
Donna was waiting for them by the elevator, how she knew that they were coming, Mike had no idea. She hugged him hard and then took him by the arm and lead him through the corridor. Mike noticed how a few people looked after him.
"Does everyone know?" He quietly asked Donna as he felt his mouth become dry.
"No, they don't. But they have noticed that you have been missing. You can work in Harvey's office today."
"I'm fine Donna." Mike removed his arm from hers. "So, no one knows then?"
"Louis and Jessica both know, and Rachel knows that something happened and that you got hurt. But nothing else."
Mike felt how his face started to become hot. Damn it. Jessica knew, and Louis. He hoped he wouldn't meet them; he didn't know what to say.
When Mike started to head over to the cubicles Donna stopped him.
"What did I say?" She asked.
"What? I'm going to…"
"You are working in Harvey's office today."
So, he followed her. Harvey just smiled when he looked over to his boss. It was weird. He didn't mind working in Harvey's office though. It meant that he wouldn't have to deal with the other associates, they were bound to have questions for him. Questions he didn't want to answer. Harvey's office was comfortable and familiar. He found that he had missed it. He had missed working and the sense of normalcy it brought him.
He started working right away and ignored Harvey's comments about taking his time. He wasn't sick or anything, he could still work.
It took less than twenty minutes before there was a knock on the door and Jessica was there.
"Hi Mike. It's good to see you back here. How are you feeling?" She said and shook his hand.
"Thank you. I'm fine." He said.
"I'm so sorry for what happened to you." She continued and Mike stiffened. He didn't want to talk about that. He nodded.
"If there is anything, we can do for you as a firm, just let me or Harvey know."
Mike nodded again, wishing that she would leave. He didn't want to deal with this. He didn't look at her. She must have sensed it because she turned to Harvey instead and spoke about some case. Mike sat down again. The initial feeling he had had about being back was almost gone. He stared at the file in front of him. The words got a bit blurry and he bit his lower lip hard. Damn it. What was he going to do? This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to feel like this. Not anymore, not here, not now.
He couldn't get himself to look away from the same spot on the paper. It felt like he couldn't move either. If he blinked the tears would escape his eyes. He felt himself start to breathe faster and he grabbed the edges of the table.
"Mike?"
Harvey watched how the younger man jerked as he said his name. Ever since Jessica left Mike had just been sitting there, stiff and panting. Something was wrong. Mike bent his head down and wiped his eyes hard before he turned his back on Harvey.
"What?" He said.
"Everything okay?"
"Yeah."
The kid was still turned away from him. He just sat there. Harvey debated with himself on how to handle the situation. It was clear that Mike was going through some stuff right now but didn't want to acknowledge it. Harvey decided to leave him be for now. He turned back to his laptop and tried to focus on what was on the screen.
It took almost fifteen minutes until Mike turned back to the table. He didn't say a word and started to work again. During that time Harvey had sent an email to Donna, telling her to not let anyone else into the office.
They worked quietly for a couple of hours. Mike seemed to be doing better. It got close to lunch time, but Mike didn't say anything.
"Do you want to head out for lunch? Or maybe get some take out?"
"I'm not really hungry." Mike said.
"Yeah, but I am. So, what do you say?"
"No." Mike didn't look up and Harvey couldn't help but feel a bit frustrated. He stood up.
"Come on, Mike. It's my treat. You got to eat."
"I said no." He still didn't look up and Harvey clenched his teeth.
"Well, I'm heading out. Do you want me to bring you something back?"
Mike glanced up at him. "If you want." He said and looked away again. Harvey left.
-SUITS-
Mike didn't leave the office at all during the day. Harvey didn't even see him go to the bathroom. He barely spoke either, just a quiet thanks when Harvey handed him the lunch, he bought him. Mike was working hard though, so Harvey didn't say anything. The kid didn't do anything wrong.
Donna emailed him close to five and told him to send Mike home. She wrote that it was his first day and that he shouldn't work too much.
"I'm not leaving." Mike said when Harvey suddenly told him to go home for the day. He didn't know what Harvey was doing. Why would he send him home all of a sudden? He had been working concentrated for a while now, and now Harvey wanted him to leave?
"Mike, it wasn't a suggestion. It's your first day back, you should take it easy."
"Harvey! I'm not sick. I'm not leaving!" He was almost screaming.
"I know you are not sick! But you are going home. It's not up for debate, Mike. Now!" Harvey raised his voice back and had stood up.
Mike glared at him. "Fine." He then said, took his jacket and walked out without another word. Screw Harvey. He ignored it when the older man called for him. He ignored Donna as well, who had stood up and reached for him when he walked past her.
Home. Harvey told him to go home. He didn't know whose home Harvey meant. He had his stuff at Harvey's place still, Harvey must mean that he should go back to the condo and not his own place. He couldn't go back to his own place. He didn't have the keys.
He hesitated when he got to the lobby. He didn't have the keys to Harvey's apartment either. What was he going to do? He shouldn't have just left like he did, but he just got angry on the way Harvey treated him. Like he was sick or broken or something. He was just standing next to the elevators now. He didn't want to go back upstairs, and he didn't want to go out the door.
"Mike!"
It was Donna.
"Hey, honey, you left so quick. How are you doing?"
"I wish everyone would stop asking me that!"
She just looked at him. "Harvey called Ray; he will be here in a few minutes. Here." She handed him the keys, Harvey's keys.
"Thanks Donna." Mike tried to smile at her.
"Do you want me to wait with you?" She asked and Mike stopped all the attempts of trying to smile, because he wanted her to stay. He nodded and felt how his eyes burned. He didn't move when she took his hand in hers.
He looked towards the door and he found himself holding on harder to Donnas hand. He couldn't stop thinking about how they went after him there in the entrance of his building. He hadn't been able to fight them off. They had dragged him out to the van. He had screamed for help. Then there had been the gun. One of them had punched him in the face.
"Mike, sweetie? Ray is here now."
He pulled away from her. He didn't want to go! He didn't know what to do. He was breathing hard now. Damn it!
"Mike?" Donna was standing in front of him all of a sudden. She tried to take hold of his shoulder, but he backed away, until he was stopped by a wall.
"Mike?" She said his name again. He needed to say something. He needed to react, or she would think that he was crazy.
"Yeah. D-Donna."
"The car is here."
He nodded and smiled. "Thanks."
"Are you doing alright? Is it anything I can do?"
"No, it's fine. I'm fine. I'll see you tomorrow." He started walking towards the doors. He glanced around when he stepped outside, and then hurried towards Ray's car.
The car ride home was okay, but he didn't like walking the short way from the car to Harvey's condo. He felt like shit, when he felt like he did. He hated the fact that he felt scared when he was outside. Like he was some loser. He sat down on the couch when he got inside Harvey's place.
He wished he was back at work. It had been better there. When he was working, he had been able to push the thoughts away, but it didn't work now. The room felt too big and too quiet. At once thoughts of that room came to him. It had been big too, and cold and dark.
He didn't know how long he sat there. He turned the light on when it started to get dark. He laid down and pulled a blanket over himself. He wondered when Harvey was going to be back.
Time passed and Harvey didn't come. Mike just couldn't bring himself to move, just as he couldn't stop thinking about it. He tried over and over to think about something else, but it didn't work, and his stupid mind kept returning to that concrete floor.
He was still laying there when Harvey came home. Harvey yet again asked how he was doing, and Mike stiffly got up from the couch and joined him in the kitchen. He needed to act normal. Harvey probably already knew about how he had acted in the lobby at the office, he must already think he was weird. He had been acting weird. Like some kind of idiot and it was kind of hard to deal with that as well, on top of the rest. He was glad that Harvey hadn't seen him at least.
They had a quiet dinner. Things felt awkward and Mike didn't know what to say. He felt the pressure of saying something, anything, and it bothered him as well. This wasn't who he was, and Harvey must notice it.
"You did good today." Harvey said suddenly. Mike stared at him. "At work I mean."
"Okay… thanks, I guess."
"Look Mike. If you want to talk, just do it, okay?"
Mike clenched his teeth. He was sure now that Harvey knew about earlier. Of course, he did and now he was trying to make it better or whatever he was doing.
"I'm fine Harvey."
He walked away.
Harvey looked after him and felt at a loss. Mike headed to the bathroom and closed the door hard. Donna had told him about how Mike had acted in the lobby earlier. He had been jumpy and upset. It seemed like he was the same now, for sure upset. But it was hard when he didn't want to talk, he just walked away. Something was wrong with the kid though, there was no denying it. Mike was still very much affected by what had happened to him. It wasn't strange if he was. Harvey needed to figure out a way to help him.
Mike stayed in the bathroom for a long time. For a while Harvey could hear the shower running but it was quiet a long time after that. When Mike finally reappeared, he went to sit down on the couch without a word to Harvey. He decided to join his associate and brought him a bottle of water. He wasn't sure if it was wise for Mike to have alcohol yet. Mike didn't touch the water though. He just put it on the table and pushed it away from him. Harvey watched him when he sat there and stared right in front of him. It was almost like he wasn't there, like Mike was somewhere else in his mind.
"Mike?" Harvey asked and watched the man jerk. Damn it, Harvey felt sorry for him.
"I…eh… I don't want the water." Mike said then and caught Harvey a bit by surprise.
"Ehm… Okay. Don't drink it then." Harvey said slowly.
Mike nodded and smiled a little at him then, and he pushed the bottle towards Harvey. He reached out and took it, and while Mike watched him, he went and put the bottle back in the fridge. It was just weird, but he decided not to say anything about it.
He sat down again, and Mike quickly looked at him, he looked worried and Harvey didn't know why.
"You want to come to work again tomorrow then?" He said, just to get the conversation going.
"Yeah. I'm fine Harvey. I can work."
"Yes, I know you can. I'm just saying it's okay if you want to take it easy for a few more days."
"I don't need to take it easy Harvey, I'm okay."
"Mike… come on, I know that you are struggling."
"No, I'm not! I'm fine!"
"You just freaked out over a bottle of water, kid." Harvey thought that he sounded kind, but Mike looked furious.
"No, I didn't! Shut up. I didn't freak out; I just didn't want it."
"Okay, okay. My mistake. You are fine." Harvey backed down, that seemed to be the wisest option.
Mike glared at him and leaned back against the back of the couch again. He drew a few deep breaths. What was he doing? He was acting weird right now, and it wasn't strange if Harvey must think that he was not really stable. He needed to get a grip of himself.
He had freaked out a little about that damn water bottle. It was just that it had immediately reminded him of the time when his kidnappers had let him drink. He didn't want to think about it, and he wanted to bottle gone. Why did he need to be reminded of it all the time?
But he didn't want Harvey to think he was weird. He didn't want Harvey to treat him differently. He didn't want him to send him home early. Why couldn't things just be normal? He needed to make a greater effort to act normal himself.
He asked Harvey if they should watch a movie, and Harvey thought that was a good idea. They had a pretty nice time after that. Mike managed to relax a bit and he managed to focus on the movie and nothing else. He accidently fell asleep during it and woke up by Harvey shaking his arm a bit.
"I'm going to bed Mike. You should too."
Mike arranged the bed sheets on the couch, went to the bathroom and then to laid down. He didn't feel tired anymore. Not enough to fall asleep at least. Harvey was in his own bedroom and Mike couldn't help but listen after sounds Harvey was making. He wished he would come back to the living room. He didn't want to be alone. All of a sudden, he felt really bad again. He felt so alone and anxious.
Harvey just left. He didn't care at all about how he was doing. Or maybe that wasn't really fair. Harvey had asked him, and he had said that he was fine. He wasn't fine anymore. He felt scared.
He thought again of what had happened to him. He couldn't get away from it. It felt like his neck was hurting from where he has been cut. He felt along it and felt the scar there. He shuttered at the memory of how he had gotten it. He had begged not to be touched but the man hadn't listened. What if the other man hadn't interrupted? What might have happened then? He didn't want to go there but did anyway.
It felt like something heavy was laying over his chest now. He had tears in his eyes. He hadn't fought back; he had just begged. He had been so pathetic. That hurt so much and the tears wouldn't stop. He hated himself for letting them flow. This wasn't who he was. He couldn't go on behaving like this. He needed to stop. He needed to stop behaving like some scared loser and get a grip, be a damn grown man. Get his life back.
Tomorrow.
He would start with all of that tomorrow. He couldn't just now.
It was a long night.
-SUITS-