Chapter 21.
They got to court in time, Mike remaining quiet the entire time. Harvey was pretty sure that he was still sulking for what had happened earlier at the office. It was just that he wasn't sure if Mike was up for this. What Mike had said earlier about not being okay scared Harvey to some extent. He didn't know how to fix this for Mike. In this case he couldn't show up and threaten someone or pay them off so that they would lay off Mike. This time it was all in Mike's mind.
What he could do was find the kidnappers and make them pay. When he had some time on his hands and Mike's wasn't around to see what he was doing he would look into it. He was in contact with the police, he had tried to reach out to any other contact he knew that would be able to help. But so far it was only dead ends. When he worked on this he only thought of Mike. He had thought that it would be about the money as well, but he had concluded that it didn't matter that much. Sure, that lost million stung, and he would probably never see it again. It was a lot of money. It was a fact hard to ignore. Of course, he didn't blame Mike, but sometimes he caught himself thinking about it, that he had lost so much just in a blink of an eye. It would take a long time for him to earn it all back.
They got to the court, installed themselves in their seats and Mike arranged the files they might need. The trial started. Harvey took the lead but was met with hard resistance from the other team. They attacked with details trying to surprise them. Harvey was prepared for that though since he had faced their opponent before.
It took time. Mike supplied him with the right files and added something once in a while, otherwise Harvey ran the show. He was getting irritated though as the other side started claiming things that Harvey knew was incorrect.
Then they got a directly wrong statement. At least that was Harvey thought. He answered.
"We have read through that contract, and that's not really how it's framed. Is it not, Mike?"
Harvey noticed that Mike jerked a bit when he was spoken to. What was going on with him? He looked like he had seen a ghost and had his fingertips pressed against the sides of his head. He hadn't paid that much attention in Mike for a while now, since he had been so busy with defending himself against the opposing side. Mike didn't answer him now.
"Mike? What's the answer? That line?" Harvey asked, quietly this time, and looked at the younger man with rising annoyance. What was Mike doing?
"I… I don't…"
"You know it, you have read it."
He watched how Mike licked his lips. He opened his mouth and closed it again.
"I know I read it, but I don't know, I don't think I understood it fully."
"What do you mean, you didn't understand it? I don't care. Just tell me the line in the contract!" He whispered angrily to Mike, well aware of the judge looking down at him with a frown on his face.
"I…I don't re-remember the line." Mike said with a thick voice as he stared down into the table.
"What the hell are you talking about? You know it or not?"
Mike shook his head and kept staring down.
Harvey swore again and then he had to stand up and make up an excuse. It was embarrassing as hell. Shortly after that it ended and it was a loss, and Harvey felt furious. Sure, it wasn't the end of the case and there still was a possibility for them to win, but this was a setback and would mean a lot more work. And it was all Mike's fault. Had he given him an answer there, they would have been fine and Harvey could most likely have ended this.
He pulled Mike with him out into the hallway and started walked towards the exit.
"What the hell was that?" He turned around towards the kid when they were out in the hallway and somewhat alone.
"I…I just…I didn't…" Mike stuttered and stared at the floor.
"I thought you said that you could handle it, but clearly you can't."
"I told you that I read it, but I must not have understood it all. You had me read a lot of shit!"
"What do you mean you don't understand it? I told you that you don't need to understand everything, what I needed you to have done was to have that damn sentence memorized."
"It doesn't work like that." Mike defended himself. "It only works if I understand it, and I've just been under a lot of stress lately and I…"
"You said you could handle it! This doesn't sound like you are handling things at all!"
"Stop saying that! It's your fault too. You could have read it yourself!"
Mike was almost screaming now, but he just felt so angry and embarrassed. He knew that Harvey had all right to be angry at him, he had screwed up. But he didn't want Harvey to be angry. He wanted him to say that Mike was right, he did work a lot and that it was okay to forget just a few sentences from a fifty pages long contract. But all Harvey said was that he couldn't handle it.
"Shut up Mike, you work for me. To read that was your job and you blew it."
"You shut up! I thought you were the best! You should have figured out another way then. You are the one who blew it! But apparently you can't even win a case without me giving you your lines."
As he was saying those things Mike knew that this wasn't going to end well. He knew that this was his fault, but he honestly hadn't been able to remember it. There were so much other things on his mind now, everything didn't fit. He couldn't take it all in, he had been aware of that, but had hoped that it wouldn't be a problem. But now it was.
"I didn't even want to bring you to begin with. I would have done better without you!" Harvey spit out.
"You wouldn't have gotten anywhere with this case without me!" Mike responded. They were standing there in the hallway now, facing each other. Harvey knew that he shouldn't let this get to him, but it really did. What the hell was the kid throwing in his face? That he wouldn't have gotten anywhere without him?
It happened without him thinking. He just burst then.
"You are the one that cost me a million dollars!" Harvey screamed at the kids face.
He regretted it instantly as he saw Mike's look. The younger man stood as frozen and just stared at Harvey with wide eyes, his mouth a bit open.
"Look, Mike… that came out…"
Mike interrupted him, before he had a chance to take back his words.
"So, you are holding that against me? You're blaming me?"
Harvey could see how he had started to shake. For a moment Harvey thought Mike was going to hit him and if that was the case, he would let him. He deserved it for saying that.
"I'm sorry Mike, I..."
"They took me because of you! They did that to me because of you!" Mike screamed and threw the file in his hand down on the floor. The papers flew out and rained down around them like confetti.
"I didn't…"
"I feel like shit all the time now, because of what they did to me. And all you think about is your damn money?" Mike was breathing harshly, and tears were rolling down his cheeks, but it was like he didn't notice it.
"I'll pay you back, okay. I'll pay you back the fucking money!" He was full on crying now and Harvey felt like shit. He reached out and placed a hand on Mike's shoulder in an attempt to apologize, but Mike violently pushed him away.
"Fuck you, Harvey." He said and then he fled. Harvey stood as frozen and watched how Mike ran along the corridor.
What had he done? God damn it, what had he just done?
A door to his right opened and a middle-aged woman in a yellow dressed looked out towards him. She looked at him and then to the papers on the floor all around him. He glared at her until she closed the door again. He stiffly bent down and started to collect the papers on the floor. When he was done, he followed after Mike and made his way outside. He looked around but saw no traces of Mike. He still called his name. No answer. Of course, the kid hadn't stayed there.
Damn it. He really needed to find Mike. He had just made a huge mistake. What he had said must have been extremely difficult for Mike to hear. It had hurt him deeply judging by the kid's reaction. Mike had cried and yelled at him. He said that he would pay him back the ransom.
Harvey didn't want that money back. Sure, he thought the damn police should have found them by now, but they were useless. Last time he enquired about it they had told him that they thought that they had fled overseas. He didn't know if it was just something they had said.
Mike couldn't pay him back; he knew what the kid was making a year and it would take him many years to pay him back if he had to keep some money for living expenses as well. No, he would never accept any money from Mike. He would rather give the younger man another million than taking any of his money.
He had actually offered to pay back his own ransom. It was almost sick. Harvey wondered if that was something that Mike had been thinking about. Maybe he already was feeling guilty about it, before Harvey threw it in his face. Harvey felt just awful.
Why would he ever burst that out? It was an evil thing to say, wasn't it? It was like he blamed the kid for his own kidnapping. Who did that? Mike had been through hell, was most likely still going through hell considering his behavior ever since they got him back. This certainly didn't help.
He thought about what else Mike had said. That they took him because of Harvey. Harvey knew that was true, but he and Mike hadn't talked about it that much. Just mentioned it in the passing. But that was a guilt Harvey had to carry with him for the rest of his life. This wouldn't have happened to Mike if it wasn't for him. Those guys had wanted money, and when Harvey wouldn't help them get it, they forced him to give it to them.
But Mike had also said that he felt like shit all the time now because of what had happened to him. Harvey didn't know that. Sure, he knew that Mike was still affected, but he hadn't known to what extent. How could he have missed that?
The simple answer was that he didn't want to see it. He felt so guilty about it that he just wanted Mike to be okay. But he wasn't. He wasn't okay and Harvey hadn't been there for him. Mike had even told him that today, but Harvey hadn't listened or acted. He should have done something, anything. He had been a lousy friend. He had been a coward.
He needed to find the kid now.
He picked up his phone and dialed the kids' number, he wasn't surprised when he didn't get an answer. He walked over to where his car was and got in. He asked Ray if he had seen Mike coming out of the building, but he hadn't.
"I wasn't looking that way Harvey, I'm sorry. Did something happen?"
"It's okay Ray. We just had… an argument. I'm sure he's at the office already."
Mike wasn't at the office. Harvey looked for him everywhere. Not at his cubicle or the file room or bathroom. No one of the other associates had seen him. He went to his own office in the hope of having Mike waiting for him there to confront him, but it was empty. He walked up to Donna.
"Donna, have you seen or heard from Mike?"
Sue looked up from her computer. "No, I thought he went to court with you."
"He did, but he left before me. I thought he went straight back here."
"Did you try calling him?"
"Yes, but he is not answering."
"Try again." She looked at him expectantly until he got out his phone and dialed Mike's phone with the same result as earlier.
"What happened?" She asked.
"We had an argument and he stormed out, before I could…"
"Could what? Apologize?"
Harvey nodded curtly.
She rolled her eyes and picked up her own phone and tried calling, but Mike didn't answer her either.
"Damn it." Harvey swore. "Why the hell did I… What should we do?" He turned to Donna again.
"If you upset him maybe you should just give him some time to cool down. I'm sure he will be back and roar you out soon."
"I don't think so Donna. I screwed up bad."
Her eyes narrowed. "What did you do?"
Harvey shook his head. "We argued about the case and I got angry, I told him stuff that I regret now."
"What stuff?" Her voice had taken another tone. He hesitated for a moment but spoke when he met her eyes.
"I told him that he is the one that cost me a million dollars."
Donna drew a sharp breath and almost jerked a little. "Oh God, Harvey! How could you?!" She exclaimed. "How could you say something like that to him? You are a god damn idiot."
"I know Donna. I know. That's why I have to find him. I need to apologize."
"Yes, you do! Harvey, saying that must really have hurt him. It's even cruel. How did he react?"
Harvey swallowed hard before answering.
"He got really upset. He said that he is feeling like crap all the time because of what they did to him, and that they took him because of me. He said that he would pay me back. He cursed me out and stormed off."
Donna just shook her head, her face pale.
"So, I can't wait for him to calm down Donna. I need to do something now. You didn't see him. I'm going his place."
He started to walk towards the door, but Donna stopped him.
"Harvey, wait. You won't find him there." She stood up and walked up to him. "I'm coming with you. But we are going to my place."
Harvey stopped in his track and stared at her. "Your place? Why are we going to your place?"
"Because that's where he might be. I gave him his own key." She walked away from him and Harvey had to speed up to follow. He stared at her as soon as they got inside the elevator. She rolled her eyes.
"Mike has been staying at my place for a while now."
"He has been staying with you? A while? How long is a while?"
"Four nights now, Harvey. That's after I found out that he has been sleeping at the office for three nights in a row."
They stepped out and stopped just outside the elevators. Harvey just followed her.
"Harvey, I've been waiting for Mike to get ready to tell you about this and about how he is struggling, but I guess he isn't there yet. I don't know what you thought would happen, but Mike can't just get over this. He is deeply traumatized. He needs help. Do you know why he doesn't want to go home?"
Harvey just shook his head.
"Because he is afraid. He is too afraid to be there. That's where they took him!"
Harvey sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. But Donna wasn't done.
"And you" She pointed him in his chest with her finger. "You took him there and dropped him off without looking back. He wasn't ready."
"I didn't know… "
"You didn't know that he has nightmares every night? That he is afraid to be alone? That he is afraid of the dark?"
Harvey didn't have an answer to that. He shook his head a little. "He told you all this?"
"No, he didn't have to. Let's go."
Harvey didn't say anything else, just followed her to the car.
He didn't say anything either during the car ride. He couldn't get what Donna had said out of his head. She was right, and he had apparently missed a lot of things. He honestly didn't know any of those things. Or now he did. Mike had said that he felt like shit all the time now. Harvey hadn't known that. Instead he had been glad that Mike was adjusting so well being back to work. He had been working hard. He had fallen for Mike's act. Maybe he had wanted to. Because he wasn't sure how to help the kid.
And what had he done now? He had made things so much worse.
"Stop sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Try to call him again instead. Leave him a voicemail if he doesn't pick up."
Donna didn't look at him when he turned towards her. She was pissed at him now. With right.
Mike's phone went straight to voice mail now. He must have shut it off. Damn it. But he did what Donna had told him and left a voice message saying that he was sorry and that he wanted to talk.
"Mike! Sweetie, are you here?" Donna called out as soon as they got inside her apartment. They were met with silence.
"He is not here." Donna said after finishing a tour of her place.
Harvey looked at the couch. A few pillows, and a cover, a blanket by the foot of the couch. Mike had been sleeping here for four nights because he was afraid of going home. That was Harvey's fault. The guilt just got worse the longer he looked. He could see a bag of clothes next to the couch and what must be Mike's laptop and a few files on the coffee table.
"I should have let him stay longer at my place." He said. "It's just that he said something about going home and I just thought that was what he wanted."
"Well, it wasn't. And I don't mind having him here. He is nice company. But he feels guilty every time he comes. Says he's imposing. But so far I have managed to get him to stay."
"Thank you, Donna."
"Why are you thanking me? Mike is my friend. A friend that needs my help."
"Yeah I know. Sorry."
"I don't want you to be sorry. I need you to get over yourself and go out and find Mike and make it right."
"Yeah, I will. I'll make it right with him."
"And apologize to him."
"Yeah Donna. I will. This is all my fault. He is my responsibility and he got hurt under my watch. And now I've made him feel worse. I don't get why I said that to him. Like he owes me a million dollars now. Damn it!" He rubbed his face hard. "I'll fix it."
He heard Donna sigh next to him.
"You couldn't have known this was going to happen Harvey. But what you can do now is find him and help him get through this."
Harvey nodded. "I'll head out and look for him. Check his apartment just in case."
"I'll wait here in case he shows up later and I'll try to call him. Keep me updated."
He promised to do that and left in search for the kid. He didn't really know where to look for him, except Mike's apartment. So that's where he went. He managed to get into the building, after waiting for only a few minutes for someone to leave and hold the door open for him, without so much as a look to him. No wonder the kid didn't feel safe here. No one opened when Harvey knocked on Mike's door. He even yelled the kid's name.
Apparently, he was pretty loud, since Mike's neighbor opened the door a few minutes into it.
"What the hell are you yelling about?" A middle-aged man without a shirt yelled at Harvey from his doorway.
"I'm looking for Mike. Have you seen him?" Harvey tried to not look at the man's stomach, which was quite large.
"The guys that lives there? I haven't seen him in forever."
"Okay, thank you." Harvey turned away from him.
"Just shut up now." The man shut his door forcefully.
Damn it. Mike wasn't here. Where else would he go? Maybe he should check the office again. Donna had told him that Mike had been sleeping there after Harvey kicked him out. He couldn't understand why Mike had agreed to move out, or why he hadn't come to him.
Mike wasn't at the office either and he still didn't answer his cell. Harvey didn't know what to do. He went back to the court and went from there. Driving up and down the streets, but eventually having to give up. It was almost two in the morning when he arrived at his condo, without any traces of Mike. He had talked to Donna a few times, but Mike hadn't turned up at her place either and hadn't contacted her. She was really worried about the kid.
"You don't know how it was like the last few nights Harvey."
She proceeded to tell him after that. She told him about how Mike had been struggling to sleep, about his nightmares and how she had kept him company so that he would be able to fall asleep. Harvey couldn't understand how he had missed this.
That night he slept a few restless hours before waking up and calling Mike's phone the first thing he did. No luck, it was shut off.
He had a rushed breakfast and then went to the office. He searched everywhere, twice. No Mike. He called Donna but she told him that she still hadn't heard from him. She also said that she would stay at home and man the phone. She would keep trying to call him so that they would know if Mike turned his phone on again.
Harvey started asking Rachel and then Louis if they had seen Mike, they hadn't so Harvey asked everyone else as well. Even Jessica. Nothing. Harvey felt a strong sense of desperation. He ignored a phone call from a client and went out to get a car. He spent the day looking. He went to all the places he could think of where Mike could have gone. He went to a few hotels; the kid must have slept somewhere. He didn't find Mike that day. He had to give up his search late at night without a single trace of the younger man.
He had failed Mike. That was really what it felt like. This was all on him. He had said terrible things to someone how was already struggling. He was really worried now. Mike had to be somewhere. He just had to but where could he have gone?
He met Donna early that morning in the office. They discussed what their next move should be.
"Should we call the police?" Donna asked.
"I don't know, Donna. Mike is staying away intentionally. I don't know if they will do much then."
"But he is hurting. He's not on his right mind."
"I know, Donna. If we don't find him by today, we will call them. I just have a few more ideas left."
Those ideas were not likely to pan out either. He had decided to contact Trevor and that girl Mike had dated once. He didn't even know her name. But if Mike had been looking for a friend or anyone, he might have gone to them, because as far as Harvey knew there was no one else present in Mike's life. And Mike had ended things with Trevor as well, but if he was desperate, he might have contacted him. Harvey wouldn't blame him if that was the case.
It took him hours to find Trevor, and then longer to get him on the phone. But it led nowhere. Trevor hadn't heard from Mike since they had a falling out, as he put it. He sounded indifferent when he told Harvey that he didn't have a clue of where Mike could be. Jenny, the old girlfriend had moved away as far as Trevor knew. Harvey hung up without thanking him.
-SUITS-