Chapter 24

Mike remained asleep during the entire ride to Harvey's condo. Harvey felt worried and tense. In a way it was good that Mike was sleeping, it gave Harvey some time to regroup. A lot of stuff had happened, and a lot of things had changed. He had gotten some new information that would need to be dealt with.

Mike had been sexually abused. That thought wouldn't leave him alone. It sickened him to think about it, but at the same time it felt like he had to. Mike had gone through all of that because of him. He was to blame in this. Logically he knew that it hadn't been him that kidnapped Mike and put him through the horrendous things that had happened to him, but if it wasn't for Harvey, Mike wouldn't have been in that situation. There was no way of getting away from that.

Him and Mike needed to have a talk. There were things that he needed to tell Mike. He needed to make sure that Mike knew that Harvey was going to do everything in his power to help him. That he was on Mike's side. That Mike was his first priority right now. Screw everything else.

Mike was afraid of going home. Harvey had just dropped him off there without thinking that it could be traumatic for him. He hadn't given that a single thought. He remembered that it had felt wrong to drive away from Mike that day, and he remembered how he had seen Mike standing there looking after his car as he left. God, what had he done?

Mike had chosen to stay at the office, he had slept at Donna's and he had spent two nights at a graveyard, rather than going home to his own place. How could he, Harvey, have missed all of that? How could he have missed how Mike was really doing?

Mike had tried to act normal, sure, but Harvey had known that things weren't normal with the kid. He had played along when Mike insisted that he was fine. He had wanted to give Mike that. It had been what the kid had wanted, and Harvey had wanted to respect that. It had been the wrong thing to do. Of course, you couldn't just shove it down like Mike had tried to do. What had happened to him had been awful and for someone with a memory like Mike's, it must be edged in his brain. Mike remembered every second. Mike wasn't over it at all. He had nightmares that prevented him from getting sleep. He had told Harvey that he was scared. All the time.

"Harvey?" Ray's quiet voice from the front seat. "I'm sorry, but we are here."

Harvey looked out the window and saw that Ray was right. How long had they been standing still?

"Is it something that I can do to help?" The driver asked.

"No. Thank you Ray. You can take the day off tomorrow."

He looked over at Mike. He was still dead to the world. Harvey almost considered asking Ray to drive them around for a while longer, just so the kid could sleep a bit more, but he didn't.

"Mike?" He said. He had to repeat the name about five more times, each time louder, and eventually Mike woke up.

He blinked slowly and looked around him with a confused expression.

"We are home." Harvey told him.

Mike nodded and started to get out of the car. They slowly walked in silence towards the entrance. Mike also didn't speak during the elevator ride up. He didn't know what to say to Harvey now, and besides he felt pretty crappy. His head was pounding, and he felt nauseated. He had a hard time concentrating too, it felt like things were moving too fast. He was sweating. All he wanted to do was to get into a bed and sleep.

He followed Harvey inside the condo and headed straight for the couch. He didn't know what Harvey was doing or if he even was there, he just needed to sit down right now, or better yet lay down.

Harvey watched how Mike stumbled over to the couch and just laid down straight away. He ended up on his stomach with his head turned out towards the room. He had his eyes open, but Harvey could see that his eyes looked empty. He walked over to the kitchen and took out two glasses. He filled them up with water and went over to the couch. He put one glass in front of Mike, but he didn't react. Harvey couldn't help but let out a sigh. He felt so sorry for Mike.

The young man in front of him had gone through real trauma, and Harvey realized that Mike wasn't dealing with it at all. Things needed to change, and Harvey would play a part of it. He was going to be the one pushing from now on. Mike needed help and Harvey planned to give it to him in every way he could. He was ashamed that he hadn't done more for Mike earlier on. He had given Mike space, he had let the kid pretend that things were normal, when they hadn't been. There were a lot of things he should have done differently, but he hadn't, and he didn't see much of a point dwelling on that now. That was in the past, they needed to look forward. He was going to get Mike through this. He knew that he needed to make changes as well, it wasn't all on Mike. In fact, it was more on Harvey then on Mike. It was his responsibility now to enforce the changes.

The first step was to make that look in Mike's eyes go away somehow. But Mike wasn't talking or even looking to him right now. He was just laying there, staring straight ahead of him. Harvey got up from the chair he was sitting on and went to his bedroom, then went back to Mike. The kid still didn't react when Harvey laid a blanket over him. He then leaned down by Mike's feet.

"I'm just going to help you get rid of the shoes, okay?"

He had never done this before, taken off another man's shoes. Mike barely seemed to notice it, but he pulled his feet away when Harvey was done and curled up a bit more.

"Can I get you anything Mike?" Harvey asked. He wondered if he should get Mike to change clothes, he was still in the suit he had when they went to court. It took a while before Harvey got a response when Mike shook his head just a little. He decided to wait with the change of clothes then.

"Okay… well… I'll be right back, okay."

Mike didn't answer but he was aware of the fact that Harvey left his line of sight. He didn't know where he went, and he didn't know if he cared or not at this point. He felt so shitty. It was awful. He just wished he could fall asleep and not have to deal with anything anymore. He pulled the blanket Harvey had laid over him closer. He wished he had another one, he still felt so cold. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. It almost felt like he was going to throw up.

A moment later he realized that he actually was about to be sick. He needed to find the bathroom fast. Everything was spinning when he heaved himself upright. He groaned when he stood up and stumbled out on the floor. Where was Harvey's bathroom even?

"Mike? What are you doing?" Harvey asked, from the kitchen, as he was Mike standing up. He had thought that the kid would fall asleep.

"Bath…bathroom… Where is the bathroom?" Mike said.

"What? It's over there." Harvey pointed and Mike hurried his steps towards the room. He barely made it over to the toilet before the food from earlier reappeared. It wasn't pretty at all and it felt awful. When he was done, he just hung there, holding on convulsively to the toilet seat. He was panting and could feel something wet around his mouth. The taste was sharp and gross. He spit a few times and tried to get rid of the last liquid in his mouth.

"Here."

Harvey was right next to him; he glanced to the side and saw that the older man was holding a glass of water towards him. His hands were shaking when he accepted it. He didn't drink anything, just used it to rinse his mouth. He also accepted the piece of paper that Harvey handed him and wiped his face a little. He still felt very nauseated. He needed to lay down again. He wanted to sleep.

Somehow, he got back to the couch again. Harvey followed behind him and it just felt uncomfortable. All he could think about was what had happened the last few days. Everything just twirled around in his mind, one thought after another. He felt humiliated, scared and worried. He couldn't get what he had told Harvey out of his mind, just as he couldn't get what Harvey had told him before he went to the graveyard to go away. No thought stayed long enough for him to get a grip of it though and he considered if it was possible for his brain to overload. He fought an urge to just hit himself over the head, he wanted to scream or maybe to throw up again.

He curled up as much as he could on the couch and pulled the blanket high up so that it covered his face. He wanted to disappear.

"Is it anything I can do?" Harvey asked then. Mike didn't want to deal with the other man's insecurities as well as his own. He didn't answer and eventually he heard Harvey walk away. He needed to sleep. If he just went to sleep it would get better. He felt so cold. Suddenly tears sprung to his eyes and he couldn't help but moan a little. Why couldn't he just feel better?

Why wasn't anyone helping him? He wanted help. He wanted to go back to the graveyard. His parents had been there. And Grammy.

-SUITS-

Harvey felt unsure of how to help Mike more than he had. The other man had hidden his face below the blanket and didn't answer or react in any way when Harvey asked him stuff. He knew that Mike was in a bad shape and he wanted to help him, but he didn't know what else to do right now. He decided to give Donna a call again, he was sure that she was waiting for it. He had seen that she had sent him two texts questioning about Mike. He stepped into his bedroom and closed the door as to not disturb Mike. Donna answered on the second signal.

They talked for a while and Harvey told her everything that had happened. Not everything of course, he didn't tell her about Mike being sexually assaulted. It wasn't his story to tell, if Mike wanted to do it someday it was his choice. Instead he told her that he suspected that Mike was ill and most likely depressed.

"That's not strange if he is, Harvey. After everything he has been through." Donna said. Harvey agreed.

"If there is anything I can do, just let me know."

"I have things under control right now, but maybe you could come over tomorrow?"

They agreed that Harvey would give her a call the next day when she could come over. Harvey felt relieved in knowing that he would have her support the next day. Mike would probably approve as well. After the phone call Harvey walked out into the living room and found Mike asleep on the couch. It was a good thing that the younger man got some rest. However, it didn't look like he was sleeping peacefully. Mike moved restlessly and Harvey heard him moan in his sleep. He considered if he should wake him. Maybe he had nightmares. It looked like he had. In the end he decided to let Mike sleep and went to get himself ready for bed. He left a light on in the living room, in case Mike woke up. He remembered what Mike had said about being scared of the dark. He also found a t-shirt and some sweat pants that he laid out close to Mike, in case he wanted to change.

Harvey went to bed and took his phone with him. He was checking some emails in case there was something that needed his immediate attention. Ha had managed to postpone the case he and Mike had been working on when he had said those horrible things to Mike. He knew he couldn't stall forever, but so far it was working.

He wasn't able to concentrate at all. He was reading, but it was like nothing stuck in his mind. He couldn't help but thinking about Mike. He remembered the look on Mike's face in that corridor, outside the court room. Mike had said that he hadn't understood the contract he had been reading, so that he hadn't been able to memorize it. He had said that he had been under a lot of stress. Harvey hadn't realized how bad it had been. He knew now.

Thoughts of their conversation at the graveyard came to him next. The way Mike had cried when he had confessed that he was scared, that he wanted Harvey's help. He had never answered Mike's plea, because just then the other things had come up. Yet again he thought about what Mike had been through, how terrified he must have been. He had been totally defenseless. It must have been so awful. And Harvey felt so damn guilty. It was all his fault. All of it.

At that moment he decided that from now on, Mike was going to be his number one priority. He refused to have Mike live in fear. He knew that the kid hadn't told him how bad he had been feeling, it must have been hell for him these past weeks. And Harvey had barely lifted a finger to help him. He felt ashamed of it now. Sure, Mike had basically pretended to be alright, but if Harvey was honest, he knew that it had been an act. He had just wanted to be considerate since Mike seemed to want everything to be normal. It had been the wrong choice. It was going to change from now on.

Just as he put his phone down to go and check on the kid before he would try to get some sleep himself, he heard a sound from the living room. He quickly got out of bed and almost ran out of the room.

Mike was awake, but Harvey saw at once that something was very wrong with him. It looked like Mike was trying to get away from something, he was moving jerkily and kicking with his legs, as he tried to heave himself upright. Harvey rushed over towards him and sat down on the table in front of him.

"Mike? What is it?" He said.

The moment Mike noticed him, he yelled out and pushed himself away from Harvey.

"No, no, no. Don't. Don't!"

Harvey leaned away from him and held up his hands.

"Okay, okay. It's okay. It's just me. Harvey." He tried.

"No, don't. Don't touch me. Please…" Mike's voice was shaking just as the rest of him, and Harvey's heart sank at his words. He could feel his eyes burning a little, but he blinked it away. Damn it.

"I won't touch you. I'm not going to hurt you." He backed away a bit more. It was clear that Mike was hallucinating or something.

Mike sobbed a little. He was breathing hard and his eyes flickered around the room as if he was looking for a way to escape.

"Mike, it's Harvey. You are at my place. Everything is okay." Harvey tried to get through to him, but Mike showed no recognition.

Mike was making frightened sounds that cut into Harvey. He wanted the kid to stop sounding like that.

"It's me." He repeated. "It's Harvey."

Mike looked at him now at least so Harvey kept talking. "It's okay now. You are at my place. It's okay Mike."

"Ha-Har…Harvey?"

"Yeah, kid."

"What…?" Mike was panting as he looked into Harvey's eyes. "Where are they?" He then asked.

Harvey shook his head. "There is no one here but us. Everything is okay Mike."

Mike looked away then and fell down against the pillow. "No, no…They were…" He mumbled.

"No one is here. I promise you." Harvey said a bit louder to make sure Mike heard him.

"Mike, how are you feeling?" He tried to ask, when Mike didn't answer him.

He was a bit surprised when Mike looked at him with wet eyes. He coughed a little.

"Bad." He then said.

"Yeah. You have a fever, don't you?"

Mike just stared at him, like he didn't understand.

"Do you feel warm?" Harvey asked. Mike shook his head. Harvey moved a bit closer to him then. He reached out a hand and felt Mike's forehead.

"No…" Mike whispered and tried to move away so Harvey took his hand away, but his suspicions were confirmed. Mike definitely had a fever, he felt way too warm.

"Hold on a minute." Harvey said and went to get some pills and water for the younger man.

Mike looked after him as he walked away. He pulled the blanket closer to him and used it to wipe his eyes. Everything was so blurry, but it got a bit better then. He didn't know where Harvey went. He wanted him to come back. He didn't want to be here alone. He knew now that they were at Harvey's place. He was on Harvey's couch. But for a moment he hadn't known that. He had been confused. He had thought that he was back there. He had been so afraid. He didn't want to be afraid. He coughed again.

"Harvey?" He called out. He wanted company. He wanted Harvey to come back. They could come otherwise. What if they came? It was so hard to think clearly. He didn't know why.

Suddenly Harvey was back next to him again. He was holding out something towards Mike. He had a glass of water too. Mike didn't understand what he wanted. He shook his head.

"Please Mike, just take it. It will help." Harvey said.

"I don't understand." Mike said.

"It's for the fever."

"What?"

"Can you sit up?" Harvey asked. With some effort he did that. His head was so heavy. Harvey wanted him to take some pill. Eventually Mike did that, even though he didn't want to. But he also didn't want Harvey to be mad at him again.

"Try to get some sleep." Harvey said.

"I can't." Mike told him.

"Yes, you can."

"No." He wiped his eyes again. He was tired though. He tried to close them. He opened them again and saw that Harvey was still there. That was good. He closed his eyes again.

Harvey watched Mike closely, he was pretty sure that he had gone back to sleep. The kid had been reluctant to take the pills against the fever, he hadn't wanted to drink the water and then he didn't want to sleep. Harvey had never seen Mike like this before. Now when he was sitting there on the coffee table, he could feel how fast his heart was beating. He was so glad that the kid was asleep again. He felt so sorry for him.

Harvey carefully started to stand up, then he hesitated for just a bit before he even more carefully fixed Mike's blanket, so that it covered all of him.

He left his bedroom door opened when he went back to bed. Hopefully he would hear it if Mike woke up again during the night. It took him some time to fall asleep.

He did wake up. Mike was screaming. Harvey was wide awake at once and out of bed, so fast that he almost tripped on his way off the bed.

Mike had slipped off the pillows and was curled up with his back pressed against the back of the couch. His arms were flailing in front of him and he was panting.

"Mike! What's wrong? What is it? Hey!"

Harvey felt as if someone hit him over the face when he realized that Mike was sobbing. Oh god.

"Mike, I'm here. Mike!" He needed to reach through to the younger man somehow. He tried to grab hold of Mike's arm, but he let out a yell and pulled himself loose again.

Harvey leaned over him and tried again and again to get his attention. After a minute or two he got some results, because Mike looked at him.

"Good, are you with me now?"

"Harvey…" Mike mumbled.

"Yep."

"I don't…I don't want…" Mike said.

"What don't you want?"

"I don't want to be tied up. I don't." Harvey stared at him. How on earth was he going to fix this? Mike was obviously delirious. Harvey didn't know how to handle delirious people.

"Mike, please. You are not. You are not tied up."

"Yes I am. I am."

"No, you are not." Harvey took a hold of Mike's wrist and held it up towards him. He had to tighten his grip when Mike resisted him.

"Mike, look! Look, you are not tied up." He let go when he saw that Mike stared at his arm. He brought up his other arm as well and looked intently at them. Harvey could see the faint scars that still were visible from when he actually had been tied up.

"You're free." He whispered without even thinking about it.

Mike breathed out a few deep breaths. "I'm…I'm not tied up." He said.

"No, you are not."

"I don't want to be."

"You won't be."

"Are you sure?" Mike looked up at him now and Harvey saw hope in the younger man's glassy eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm very sure."

"Oh. Okay." Mike pulled his arms close to his chest. Almost if he was hiding them. Harvey felt how he could relax a little. This was so much more stressful than he ever could have thought. He realized now that he needed to stay here.

"Harvey?" Mike sounded like a small child.

"Yes, kid."

"You have to help me." Mike said. "Please…"

Harvey looked at him and just felt sad. "Of course, I'll help you." He said. "What do you need help with though?"

Mike moaned a bit and moved restlessly. He wiped his face and then wiped his hand on the blanket. Harvey couldn't help that he rolled his eyes at that. Mike moaned again and his eyes flickered around the room.

"Mike, what is it?" Harvey asked.

"He's…he is going to come. He'll come back. He said he would come back." Mike whispered, more to himself then to Harvey. It was like he wasn't aware of the fact that Harvey was there anymore. At those words Harvey felt himself stiffen, remembering what Mike had told him on that bench at the graveyard. Oh shit. He needed to get through to Mike right now. He said his name to get his attention, but it didn't work. Mike was mumbling to himself and kept repeating the same thing over and over.

"He's coming back. Please... I don't want…"

Harvey who felt like he was going to break himself, went over to a more physical approach. He took a hold of Mike's hand and squeezed it.

"Mike, I need you to listen to me now. No one is coming. You are safe here. You don't have to worry."

Mike didn't react that well at first and yelled out and tried to pull his hand away, but Harvey didn't let him.

"Look at me. It's Harvey."

Mike pulled at his hand, but then he did look up. Harvey could see when the recognition came to his eyes.

"Yeah, it's me. It's just me. You are okay."

Mike, who clearly was far from okay, fought to keep his eyes directed at Harvey's.

"I want to…" He mumbled. "Harvey…Where…?"

Harvey felt really worried by now but did his best to sound calm. "It's okay. It's okay, Mike." He repeated. He wasn't even sure that Mike was aware enough to hear what he was saying anyway. His words seemed to have the opposite effect because Mike was becoming more aggravated. He tried to sit up, but Harvey stopped him. It was quite hard, and he had to let go of Mike's hand.

Mike coughed straight out and flailed with his arms, as Harvey gently tried to keep him on the couch. He was so damn warm to touch, and Harvey debated with himself whether he could handle this himself.

"You don't need to go anywhere right now."

"But he's coming back. Harvey?"

"He's not coming Mike."

Harvey was surprised that Mike said his name, it must at least mean that Mike was aware of his presence.

"No…" Mike said, and now Harvey could see tears in his eyes. Harvey swallowed. Things were just getting worse, not better. Maybe he could get Mike to drink something.

"Please Harvey." Mike said then, and he stilled some.

"I'm here Mike."

Mike looked at him now. Harvey hated the look on the younger man's face. All he could see there was terror.

"Please help me. Harvey please."

"I'm here Mike. I'll help you." But it was like Mike couldn't hear him.

"Please help me. Please. He is going to come back. He said he would. You have to help me."

"I will, I will, I will." Harvey said. "Of course, I will help you. Nothing is going to happen to you here. No one is getting past me, you know that. You are safe, kid. I promise."

Mike sobbed a little and stretched out his hands towards Harvey, like a child would. Harvey took both of his hands in his. He had never been in this situation before. His heart was beating so hard in his chest he almost thought that something was wrong with it. He could feel how tense he was too; he was almost shaking, just like Mike was.

The kid was panting, and tears were streaming down his face.

"You won't go right?" He asked and almost sounded like he was clear minded again.

"No, of course not."

Mike pulled a little at his hands and coughed again. He sobbed a little.

"Don't go. Please don't go. Please stay here. He's going to come back. They'll come back. You have to stay. You have to help me."

Harvey's heart hurt at his pleading. He wished that this would stop, he wished that Mike would fall back asleep.

"You have to help me. Please help me." Mike cried. "Harvey please."

"I will. I will." Harvey said. "Mike, calm down."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just help me. Don't leave me here. I don't want to be alone here. Please don't leave me alone. I'm scared, Harvey. I'm scared. Don't go."

Harvey felt like he wanted to cry himself now. He felt so sorry for Mike. He was so destroyed. He was afraid. Mike was scared even when Harvey was sitting there next to him. That wasn't right. He wondered if Mike had felt just like this when he had been kidnapped. Had he had these feelings afterwards as well. Had it been this bad all along, just that Mike had been able to hide it when his brain wasn't being raged by a fever.

Again, Harvey tried his best to reassure Mike that everything was okay. That no one was coming after him, that he was safe and that he wasn't alone. Mike cried more, he mumbled things, and quietly pleaded for help. Harvey held one of his hands and stroked the kids arm with his other hand. After what felt like an eternity it seemed to be working. Or Mike was just exhausted. He fell asleep though.

-SUITS-

Someone kicked him hard across his ribcage. It knocked the wind out of him, and the pain was searing. He couldn't breathe. He heard laughter and felt so damn humiliated. He wanted them to stop. He wanted help. He screamed. Again, and again he screamed for help. Other words seeped into his consciousness. Someone else was there.

Someone touched his arm. He screamed again.

"Mike, I'm right here. Calm down. You need to calm down."

Mike thought that he recognized that voice, but he didn't understand. How could it be here? It shouldn't be here. The laughter was still there. Not that voice.

"Mike, you are worrying me to death here. Soon, I'm going to call an ambulance or something, or maybe Donna. I need you to calm down, kid."

Mike thought he knew now, who's voice it was. Was he really here? Mike wanted Harvey to help him. He called out for him. Harvey would help him. He had said that everything would be okay.

"I'm right here." Harvey was saying. "I'm here."

Mike opened his eyes. It was dark. He didn't like that. Harvey was there though. Mike tried to tell him to turn the lights on, but he wasn't sure that he was able to form the right words. It was so hard to focus. There was so much he wanted to say. He wanted them to stop laughing.

He closed his eyes again. It was so hard to keep them open. It was hard to see clearly too, blurry shapes was all he could see. Someone was laughing again. He couldn't keep it together and he was fairly sure that he was crying. He couldn't get away. There was a hand on his shoulder. He hadn't noticed that before. He tried to shake it off him, but it didn't work. He tried again and again. The hand was moving a little though. It moved up and down from his shoulder to his elbow. It wasn't hurting him. He stilled his movements a little. The hand didn't stop moving. In fact, it felt good. His breaths were slowing down a little. His eyes slipped close again.

-SUITS-